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Grayson lay in bed staring at the dark ceiling above him. He couldn’t believe he was about to do this. He had thought about it a lot, spent months of careful deliberation on what to say and how he would say it and when and where. The only thing he knew for sure was to who. Ethan. Ethan was the only one person in the world who he would possibly want to know. He was the only one person in the world that Grayson felt guilty about not telling.
The walls of their house were thin, and Ethan’s room was just next to his. He could hear Ethan shift on his bed and chuck something across the room. Grayson listened for a moment longer, trying to gauge if Ethan was busy or not. He decided not.
Grayson’s heart was in his ears and he stood up. Just moving to sit on the edge of his bed knocked the wind out of him. His legs turned to jelly as he walked to the door of his room and his hands went numb as he touched the handle. He felt the weight on his shoulders get heavier as he walked to Ethan’s door. He took a deep breath and cracked it slightly.
Ethan looked up from his bed and Grayson opened the door further. E sat his phone down and pulled out his earbuds. “What’s up, Gray?” He sounded mildly concerned, recognizing the thinly veiled panic in his brother’s face.
Grayson sat down, pale and clammy, on the end of Ethan’s bed. Ethan shifted to the edge of his full size bed and patted the place next to him. Grayson crawled up to there and plopped down on his back next to E, who laid down, too.
“There’s something that I’ve kinda been wanting to talk to you about.” He knew that his voice sounded off even as he said it.
“Okay. Shoot.”
“Um.... uh...” Grayson had had a whole speech prepared, down to every second and hand gesture and back up plan, but all of a a sudden that all went out the window. “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”
“Do what?” Ethan asked calmly. He tilted his head at his twin.
Grayson tried to remember what he had been planning on saying, anything. “Okay, so, ya know how we’re completely different people even though we look alike and act alike and stuff?”
“Duh I know that Gray.” Ethan said lightheartedly. “I’m one of us, remember?”
“Yeah... so, like, we have different hair and talents and I have Athsma and dyslexia and you’re less social. Well, there’s more than just that but I’m sure you get the point.”
“Yeah.” He kept eye contact with Grayson the whole time. Neither knew if that was making things harder or easier.
Grayson felt like someone was squeezing the life out of him. He couldn’t believe he was actually about to do this. He had been thinking about it for so long.
They sat in silence for a short moment.
“I think I know what you’re about to tell me.” Ethan said as the tension grew. He turned to look at Gray who had moved his eyes to the ceiling, pale as a sheet. Ethan sat up a little and Grayson followed suit.
“You do?”
“I think so. But I don’t want to guess wrong and fuck things up.”
“Should I just say it? I don’t know why I’m scared to say it. I don’t really have a reason to be.”
“Grayson, you’re my brother and I love you no matter what. You can tell me anything.” Ethan said seriously.
Gray looked down. “I’m... I’m bi. And I think I like guys more than I like girls.” He felt his chest implode and the weight come off his shoulders simultaneously.
“I know.”
“You did? How?” Grayson asked incredulously.
“Gray, you’re my brother, I know everything about you. Also I tend to snoop.”
“Well that’s no secret.”
“Neither was your sexuality to be fair.”
“Hey!”
Ethan laughed and Grayson joined him for a second. They looked at each other and Ethan gave his brother a reassuring smile. “How long have you known?”
“About two or three years. I figured it out completely when I was twelve but I think I suspected it before that, in the back of my head. I just hadn’t put it all together yet.”
“I’m glad you told me. Even if you took your sweet time.”
“Shut up!” Grayson whacked Ethan with a pillow. They started a tickle war and somehow ended up hanging half off the bed tangled together not even a full minute later, breathing hard. All of Grayson’s earlier emotions had dissipated, and he felt nothing but relief knowing that now Ethan knew. They got back info sitting position and Ethan looked at Grayson with a straight face again. (Haha get it???)
“Just so you know, I still see you the same way as before, just more yourself. If you ever need anything, I’m here.” Grayson tried to cut him off but he plowed on. “And if anyone ever gives you shit for this, once you’re out, they’ll have me and so many others to answer to.”
“Thanks, but that won’t be a problem for a while. We just turned fifteen, E. And we’re kinda blowing up right now. I’m just not ready to come out to anyone but you for now.” Grayson explained.
“Not even Mom and Dad? Grams? Cameron?”
“Not for now. Only you.”
“Okay, I can respect that. Thanks for telling me.” They both felt so cheesy.
“I love you Ethan.”
“I love you too Gray.”
—————*—————*—————*—————
Grayson still thinks about that day sometimes. When he’s having boy trouble or girl trouble or thinking about the past or missing Ethan when he’s off doing something alone. That day changed his entire life. He has only come out to a few people since then, but Ethan has given him the confidence to do so.
Ethan is the one who got him his first boyfriend. Ethan is the one who went to get condoms and lube with him before he went all the way with a guy for the first time. Ethan still listens to him about his boy problems and doesn’t make un-called-for gay jokes at his brother’s expense. Now, as Grayson is ready to upload a video to the internet where billions of people can see it, he smiles. He is coming out, very suddenly and publicly, and he’s not scared.
Because if E can accept him for who he is, he dosen’t care what anyone else thinks.