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All roads lead to the toilet
Had someone told Marinette, as little as an hour ago, that she would find herself in this kind of situation, the girl would have thought them mad. However, reality – fortunately or unfortunately – is capable of feats beyond even the wildest human fantasy, and a chain of coincidences, it turns out, can have the most incredible consequences.
The chain had been launched by Kim, who decided to mix Mentos and Coke in the male restroom of the Françoise Dupont Collège, with the result being that not only were all the walls, the floor and the ceiling covered in fizzling foam, but so was Mr. Damocles, who entered on business, and, additionally, by some mysterious means (once again, thanks to the rapidly fleeing Kim), a window shattered into pieces. The akumatization of the normally reserved principal promptly followed; luckily, he turned out to be a relatively harmless villain, and was dealt with quickly enough.
However, the “Miraculous Ladybug” restoration, for some reason, did not affect the male restroom of the collège, adding a few more links to the chain. For one, they had to temporarily put plywood instead of the broken windowpane, and for another, now Hawk Moth’s influence had to be driven out of the school janitor, who was forced to deal with the consequences of Kim’s mischiefs.
Captain Squeakclean turned out to be a most difficult opponent, since wherever he passed, the floors became scrubbed so perfectly, that the heroes were sliding over them as if they were ice. Plus, he was trying his hardest to wash out Chat’s mouth with soap at every pun. It’s not surprising, therefore, that by the time the battle was over, the Miraculous Stones of the heroes were at their fourth beep.
Ladybug took the shortest route to cover, a route which lead her into the female restroom of the college.
Into which, a second later, Chat Noir stumbled right through the window.
And the next moment, a pinkish-green flash had revealed each other’s identities to the stunned partners.
Adrien and Marinette, having just discovered a new side of their beloveds, could have kept blinking at each other in astonishment for a long time, but the chain of coincidences had no intention of breaking. Because, to make a few touches to her makeup, Mlle. Bourgeois, escorted by her faithful Sabrina, was headed to the same restroom.
The first one to react, thanks to his keen hearing, was Adrien, pulling Marinette into one of the stalls, which he promptly locked from the inside. That’s how the girl ended up locked in a toilet stall with the love of her life – slash – annoying partner who was head over heels in love with her. Indeed, mysterious are the twists of fate!..
The wheel of which kept on spinning like mad.
***
Biting her lip, Marinett lowered her gaze shyly. Feeling her cheeks burn, she was blushing ever harder. The girl felt Adrien’s gaze upon her, but had no idea about what kind of look it was. Somehow, she hardly thought about Chat Noir turning out to be Agreste. His reaction to his Lady’s true identity worried her a lot more.
The worry made Marinette’s heart thud so strongly, she was afraid that Chloé, busy at the sink, will hear the sound, discover their hideout, raise a scandal… and that would mean some serious problems for Adrien.
To Marinette, it seemed the thudding was drowning even the snapping of the cookies inside her bag, the munching of the kwami behind her back, the sound of the running water and Sabrina’s unintelligible mumbling. She slowly raised a hand to her chest, trying to calm her heartbeat that way, but it only became stronger once her trembling fingers were captured by Agreste’s warm hands.
The girl flinched, still unable to raise her eyes.
Disappointment? Contempt? Mockery? What does Adrien feel now, having learned who he was fighting alongside for the past two years? Her imagination started drawing pictures of her and Noir’s teamwork collapsing, the partner saying he intends to look for another Lady, and Adrien stating in public that he’ll never and under no circumstances love Marinette and would much prefer Chloé, then walking off into a romantic sunset, Mlle. Bourgeois’ hand in his.
Marinette was so immersed in thoughts of worst case scenarios, that she completely forgot it’s her hand Adrien is holding right now, not Chloé’s, and only came to her senses once she felt someone’s hot breath burning the back of her hand.
Barely holding in the squeak (the last thing they needed was getting caught!), Marinette realized her hand had just been kissed by Adrien.
The kiss caused a massive system failure in Marinette’s mind, splitting her inner voice in two, and with each half having the exact opposite view on what to do in this situation. One voice was loudly squealing that Adrien had kissed the back of her hand; therefore, the wedding must be right around the corner, making the girl lower her head even more, hoping that he won’t notice how hard the thought makes her blush. The other voice kept reminding her that it was Chat Noir standing before her, and one should not forgive him this kind of impudence. As such, while still blushing like mad, and not daring to pull her hand out of Adrien’s, who was about to kiss it once more, Marinette gave him a light kick under the knee.
Adrien yelped, but did not release her hand.
“Did you say something?” Marinette tensed at Chloé’s question. Did she hear them after all?
“No,” Sabrina answered, “You must have imagined it.”
“My hearing, just so you know, is excellent,” Mlle. Bourgeois was clearly indignant, but still lenient toward her companion. “So, speak what you wanted to.”
“But I was silent,” Raincomprix mumbled, for some reason, a guilty undertone clear in her voice.
“Who was speaking, then?” the mayor’s daughter gave a chuckle. “Me, perhaps?”
Marinette swallowed the lump in her throat. It was her kick that made Adrien yelp, therefore, it will be her fault should Chloé discover them. Not that Marinette was afraid for herself; she had long since learned to ignore Mlle. Bourgeois’ tantrums (even though she would have loved to see her face once she sees who was Dupain-Cheng’s stallmate). But it could certainly hurt Adrien. They’ve already had to fight a guy who was akumatized due to being caught in the female restroom, and Marinette most certainly didn’t want Adrien to go through something like that. All kinds of rumors could start, which would certainly be detrimental to his career, after which Gabriel Agreste will undoubtedly lock up his son in the mansion for life, letting him out for neither collège nor patrol! She, too, will likely receive a dozen different suits for daring to drag Adrien into that damned stall (nevermind that he was the one who dragged her), and Marinette will have to say goodbye to her dreams of being a designer, and most importantly – forget about her wish to become Madame Agreste. Instead, she might just be forced to return Noir’s feelings… No, wait a moment. That’s Adrien. Dammit, that means she’ll remain an old maid for the rest of her days!
Damned Chat! Not only did he dare to be the love of her life, he also dragged her into this mess.
Instantly forgetting both embarrassment and panic, Marinette raised her head to throw a furious look at the Chat… Except, as soon as she met Adrien Agreste’s eyes, she lowered it back at once.
Adrien. Agreste. Was. Looking. At. Her. Lovingly.
Adrien, akuma damn him, Agreste, of whom Marinette had been dreaming day and night, was looking at her with a loving blissful smile on his face (just like the one Ladybug saw on Chat’s face a month ago, when she had accidentally let it slip how exactly she removed the Dark Cupid’s spell from him). The girl was ready to burn up from embarrassment, melt into a pink puddle, fly up to the seventh heaven from happiness even without her magic yo-yo. She could never imagine that Adrien will ever look at her like this (and in the Françoise Dupont Collège restroom), and even caught herself thinking whether it might be a dream.
“I found you, My Lady,” the boy whispered right into her ear.
And yet not a dream. Not in the most horrible nightmare would Adrien have turned out to be Chat Noir. Not that Marinette had anything against it… it was just going to be way too unusual for the next couple of hours.
“By the way, Sabrina,” Chloé’s voice forced Marinette and Adrien to remember they had company. “Did you do what I asked?”
“Yes, the handbag should be delivered by Monday,” Raincomprix reported.
“That’s not what I asked,” Marinette could have sworn Chloé was rolling her eyes. “Is everything prepared for my date with Adrikins?”
Sabrina mumbled something back, but Dupain-Cheng was no longer listening. As little as half an hour ago, when they were fighting Captain Squeakclean, A certain Kitty was proclaiming his eternal love to her, and now it turns out he had a date planned with Chloé?! And right after Ladybug’s identity was finally revealed. Marinette’s heart was being crushed with pain, she felt betrayed, assuming that neither Abrien nor Chat needed her without the mask. She didn’t care one bit that ever since the revealing Adrien had been with her (and in the same cramped stall at that), and thus had no way of contacting Chloé and asking her out.
“Playboy,” it was the barest whisper, but enough for Adrien’s keen hearing.
***
Adrien went pale in an instant.
A date with Chloé was utterly unthinkable even earlier, much less so now that he learned who his Lady was. Yet how to explain it to Marinette, considering they were still only separated from Chloé and Sabrina by nothing but a thin door of that stall? Camembert be their only food in life, how long can they hang in front of that sink?! Couldn’t they very well go and leave Adrien alone with his Princess, so that they could clear out all the misunderstandings, start dating and, hopefully, marry in the near future.
“You will most certainly have an unforgettable evening together!” Sabrina kept squealing, describing what a marvelous view there is from the window of the restaurant where she made the reservations. The words “perfect couple” kept repeating themselves in her speech, making Agreste’s situation all the worse.
“My Lady, it’s all a lie,” he whispered desperately, feeling as if he was called cheating on her. But the thought of cheating never even crossed his mind! “Chloé has made everything up, I have no plans for any date with her.”
Adrien also wished to add that all the serenades which Chat dedicated to his Lady extended to Marinette as well, that he loves her regardless of the mask, but, alas, was forced to shut up at once.
Chloé had closed the tap, and without the noise of the water, the slightest sound from the stall would have echoed throughout the restroom.
And there was no way Adrien would allow himself to be caught with Marinette, especially in a situation like this one. He was quite willing to be scolded by his father, but he would never dare to jeopardize his Lady’s honor, which being caught with a boy in a toilet stall would most certainly do. Even if Adrien was somewhat warmed by the thought that should this happen, the whole collège will know that Marinette is his princess.
The girl raised a suspicious gaze at him.
Realizing there is nothing he could say unless he wanted Chloé and Sabrina to hear them, Adrien looked into Marinette’s eyes with all the sincerity he could muster. The suspicion on his love’s face changed into embarrassment, but he realized it’s too early to celebrate, so he decided to enhance the effect by bringing in all his feline charisma and modeling charm.
This time Adrien did manage to keep the “ouch” in, although he never did understand what he was kicked again for.
He did hope that he would have the chance to ask about that, since, judging from the conversation, the classmates were finally about to leave the restroom…
Except that all these hopes have instantly collapsed.
“And don’t forget to arrange for photos from our date to appear in all the tabloids,” Chloé stated. “Everyone must know Adrien Agreste is mine.”
“Yours?” alas, the girls weren’t going anywhere; moreover, Lila had suddenly joined them. “Just so you know, the two of us are dating,” she stated.
The situation was growing worse by the second. At the very least, Marinette’s shoulders started shaking, and that was by no means a good sign.
“Liar,” For the first time Adrien was grateful to Chloé, for voicing his thoughts. He started nodding frantically, trying to indicate to his beloved, that Mademoiselle Rossi wasn’t speaking a word of truth.
“Ask him yourself,” Lila snickered. She held herself with such conviction, that Adrien doubted for a moment whether he might have accidentally agreed to be her boyfriend. The next moment, the thought was banished; his heart only had one mistress. One who, unfortunately, was currently more inclined to believe Lila than him, hurting both his feline and male self-esteem a lot.
“And I will. Sabrina, the phone!”
Suddenly realizing that the female restroom of Françoise Dupont Collège was not the best place for Jagged Stone’s latest hit to play, Adrien pulled his smartphone out of the pocket with lightning speed, and pulled the battery out with the agility of a ninja.
“Out of range…” Chloé sighed. “In any case, Adrikins would have said he only loves me.”
“In your dreams,” Rossi snorted. “He is mine.”
“No, mine. We know each other from childhood, and no pipsqueak who has come from God knows where is going to stand between us.”
“I’ll tell you a secret; after all these years, he’s really sick of you.”
“Sabrina!” Bourgeois squealed.
“Adrien loves Chloé,” the faithful Raincomprix joined the battle at once. “It’s obvious.”
“Adrien loves me.”
“No, me.”
The verbal battle of Lila and Chloé was growing more furious, the girls arguing so loudly that Adrien realized; this was his chance. With no risk of being heard over such a noise, he yanked Marinette toward himself (instantly feeling his face burn from the courage shown) and started whispering that the debates on the other side of the door didn’t have a word of truth in them. The boy kept apologizing and explaining, trying to make his feelings obvious to his beloved Lady, not noticing, that the latter went completely limp in his arms for some reason, and would have likely collapsed had he released her
***
Ten minutes ago, Marinette was cursing at this day along with the stall, but now she felt in heaven. It was so warm and cozy in Adrien’s arms that she didn’t want to think about anything, and the words he kept whispering in her ear made her lose her head along with her consciousness. If only Chloé and Lila kept bickering for as long as possible, if only this miraculous moment never ended!
What were they arguing about again?
“We were watching the sunset together yesterday!” Lila’s voice reached the tatters of Marinette’s mind. “And Adrien said…”
Marinette flinched as if struck by electricity, and pulled herself out of Adrien’s arms.
The bastard! So, he’s whispering words of love to her, while yesterday he was having fun with some Italian? Same time they were supposed to patrol together?! No, wait, rewind. Noir was patrolling with her yesterday. Did he sent a body double in his stead? No. No double could have made such corny jokes. Maybe Rossi was speaking of some other Adrien?
“And that’s why Agreste is mine!” Lila finished triumphantly.
“No, mine,” Chloé wouldn’t stop, and, surprisingly, had no intention to call her daddy. “Anyone can confirm it. Isn’t it so, Sabrina?”
While Sabrina kept nodding and confirming her friend’s words, Adrien kept shaking his head in denial so energetically, that Marinette was ready to believe him.
“Your lapdog isn’t ‘anyone’,” Lila noted.
“Which means we’ll have to ask the first one to enter this restroom,” Bourgeois concluded, ruining Adrien’s last hope to remain alone with Marinette.
***
The time was crawling ever so slowly. The kwamis were long since napping in their charges’ bags, Marinette was busy drilling the floor with her gaze, Adrien was watching his Lady, ignoring the holes appearing under her gaze, while Lila and Chloé were no longer arguing, instead waiting for someone to enter (and didn’t even intent to go to the class, even though the lesson had started!), which meant the restroom was completely quiet, and therefore the couple stuck in the stall had to be extremely careful not to attract attention.
Marinette was really sorry for reacting to Lila’s words and pulling herself out of her love’s arms. If not for that, she could have been pressing herself up against him all that time, justifying it with any movement being a source of noise. Adrien being Noir didn’t diminish her love for him by any means. Quite the opposite; the girl even caught herself thinking it will make communicating with Agreste Jr. easier, since she had no trouble finding her words around Chat. Except this thought was almost instantly driven out by memories of the tailed guy’s constant flirting, except now her imagination drew him without the mask. Damn, it was Adrien she released from the Dark Cupid’s spell with a kiss, Adrien she kept hitting upside the head, Adrien she kept turning away time after time, Adrien whom the villain handcuffed to her, and he was the one Ladybug tied up with her yo-yo and even threatened to hang over the Seine! Damn it, this was so embarrassing! Part of Marinette was actually glad nothing was happening, since she had absolutely no idea how to behave near her friend, partner and beloved.
Agreste himself was most displeased at the situation, because he didn’t have the courage to dare draw Marinette into his arms a second time. After all, her yo-yo was quite heavy, and from her behavior, it wasn’t quite clear to Adrien whether he had a chance. Ladybug had been turning down Adrien away for a long time now, Marinette was Adrien’s friend, and now the girl couldn’t even look him in the eye. Was it because she disliked him, or was the Princess simply embarrassed at the situation they found themselves in? Adrien didn’t know, which made the wait all the more unbearable. There was a lot the young man wanted to say, ask and do, but alas, right now he could only watch and try to guess what the Lady was thinking as she stared at the floor.
And so it continued until another girl’s foot crossed the threshold of the female restroom.
Chloé and Lila instantly pounced at her, asking which one of them was the better pair for Adrien.
Except they completely forgot who they were talking to.
“The only girl for Adrien is Marinette,” was the confident answer of the completely unfazed Alya Césaire.
***
“Adrien will be mine; we know each other since we were kids, and my dad is the mayor of Paris.”
“No, mine. It will be more interesting for him, being with me. At least we have things to talk about.”
“Keep dreaming. He will be with my girl.”
“He won’t be!” was Chloé and Lila’s chorused yell.
“He will be,” was the completely calm answer of Alya. “Because I’ll be the matchmaker.”
“He’ll never even look at this Dupain-Cheng,” Chloé snickered.
“Precisely. They don’t match at all,” Mademoiselle Rossi supported her. It was amazing how the common enemy with the last name of Césaire brought them together. Even Sabrina had nothing to add.
“She is a better match for him than either of you,” Alya was adamant. “And she loves him more.”
Marinette was praying for the ground to swallow her. Even without raising her head, she could tell for sure what kind of look Adrien had. No doubt this Kitty was now looking at her with a triumphant grin, smug at having finally achieved what he desired. Not like this, not like this at all was how he was supposed to have learned she likes him. At least not in a female restroom and preferably not from Alya, but from her!
The girl was so immersed in her sorrow over the fact that Adrien learned about her feelings under completely unacceptable circumstances, that she totally lost all connection to reality.
She shouldn’t have.
Because the debate still continued, and her best friend, carried away, wasn’t watching her words at all.
“I have his portrait in my room,” Chloé stated.
“Marinette has all the walls covered in his posters,” Alya countered.
“We both like heroes,” was Lila’s argument.
“All Paris does,” Césaire stated in return, “Marinette and Adrien both like Jagged’s songs and videogames. Also, Agreste likes croissants, and Marinette’s parents own a bakery.”
“I know him from childhood,” Chloé shot out. “Better than anyone!”
“Marinette knows by heart his schedule, height, weight, eyesight test results, blood type, the grades for every test in every subject, the locker code, and the title of every book he ever borrowed in the library.”
For the ground to swallow her? No, after this she must at the very least fly somewhere outside the Milky Way galaxy, or maybe into another universe outright.
Or perhaps Adrien will assume she was talking about some other Marinette? There must be plenty of girls with that name in Paris.
Hesitantly, Dupain-Cheng raised her head and snuck a glance at him. Nope, doesn’t look like he’ll believe the namesake story. How come this Kitty’s face didn’t crack yet from such a wide grin? Adrien was staring at her without blinking or, it seemed, even breathing. Marinette was scared to imagine what was occurring in his feline head now. Damn it, even without the mask he looked like Noir to her right now, making the girl all the more embarrassed. It was one thing for Adrien to have learned about the stalking, but getting busted like that in front of this brazen Furball!.. nevermind the two turned out to be one and the same.
“Mine Lady,” still grinning, he whispered. “You are mine.”
“You said ‘mine’ twice, silly Kitty,” Marinette hushed at him, trying to hide all her embarrassment behind the displeasure.
“And I can say that three times, and four times,” Adrien purred as he lowered his arms onto his princess’s hips and drew her to him. “Mine. Mine. Mine,” he dragged his nose over her cheek. “Mine.”
***
Chloé was fuming with anger, ready to call her father at any moment, Sabrina was fanning her over with a notebook, and Lila, biting her lip, struggled to think of something to crack the ironclad confidence of Alya. Except she was triumphantly looking at her three opponents, who were quickly losing the argument. Her victory was predetermined the day she swore she would arrange her BFF’s personal life, and this meant neither Chloé nor Lila had the slightest chance to be with Adrien. Even if Agreste himself was yet to suspect Marinette Dupain-Cheng was his destiny, Alya knew beyond doubt she will be the maid of honor at their wedding. Especially considering she had all but removed Marinette’s chief rivals.
“And yet it’s up to Adrien to decide,” Lila stated suddenly.
“His phone is still unavailable,” grumbled Chloé, who never stopped trying to reach Adrien.
“And he wasn’t in class either,” Alya scratched her chin in thought. “Nor was Marinette. Perhaps he’s with my girl right now?” she grinned. The young woman understood that it was currently impossible, since Marinette was unable to so much as communicate with Adrien without outside help, nevermind skip lessons together. But Chloé and Lila didn’t need to know that, right?
“We’ll check right now,” Chloé hissed through gritted teeth. “Sabrina!”
***
Who would have thought it was so nice to make out with the boy she loves? It wasn’t their first kiss, but now Marinette knew she was kissing not just the annoying Chat, but the Adrien Agreste, and with him not under a villain’s influence, but in full control of his facilities and showing initiative of his own.
Why didn’t they reveal their identities to each other sooner?
Melting in her Kitten’s embrace, Marinette forgot everything, letting herself be completely immersed in the moment. She didn’t care that they are now in a toilet stall, that only a thin door separates them from the arguing girls, that her phone is ringing right now…
“My Lady, you have a call.”
“No distractions, silly Kitty!” whispered Marinette before continuing their kiss to the background of a Jagged Stone song and a rhythmic knocking at the door.
***
“Marinette?” Alya was calling out in worry. “Marinette, are you there?”
“At the very least her phone is,” Chloé snickered. “God, she must have been listening to our conversation.”
“Marinette, is everything okay?” Césaire put her ear against the door, trying to hear anything besides the ringtone. “Sabrina, drop the call already!”
Once Raincomprix had obediently followed Alya’s order, she listened again.
Only to hear a ragged gasp.
Was her girl crying? Damn it, while Alya was arguing with those pipsqueaks, her Marinette was drowning in her own tears, all alone. Except what could have upset her like that? Chloé and Lila’s words about her and Adrien not being a match? No, unlikely. Marinette could stand for herself. God, what if she decided to confess to Adrien, and he rejected her?
Alya bit her lip. So that’s why the two weren’t in class. Why didn’t she raise an alarm earlier.
“Marinette, please, open! I know you’re there!”
“Stand back everyone,” Sabrina commanded to everyone’s surprise. “With the latches these doors have, they can all be opened with a proper push,” she said. “Father told me.”
***
When the door gave in and opened, Alya was expecting to see Marinette in tears. She wouldn’t have been surprised to see her asleep on the toilet seat while wearing her earphones. Even had she seen with her own eyes how Dupain-Cheng transforms into Ladybug, and Adrien into Chat Noir, it would not have shocked Mlle. Césaire nearly as much as what she did see.
No, of course Alya had always insisted that Marinette and Adrien were created for each other and dreamed of bringing them together, but she couldn’t imagine them becoming a couple without her help, much less make out while locked up in a collège toilet stall. And all that right behind the back of their best friend, who was worrying herself day and night over their relationship!
Marinette won’t be getting away with mere explanations. An interview, a thorough manual and madame Cheng’s famed pastries. Damn it, finally it happened. Not only did her BFF have a boyfriend, but Nino now owed Alya fifty euros. He bet on them only starting to date after the prom.
“It appears that you won,” the shocked Lila said hoarsely.
“Adrikins!” yelled Chloé, finally realizing what was happening right before her eyes, and, more importantly, what’s been happening behind that door for the past hour and a half. “How could you do something like that?! With her!”
Except the two lovebirds were so immersed in each other, that they paid absolutely no attention neither to the hysterics of Mlle. Bourgeois, nor Sabrina, who, for some reason, was watching their kiss, captivated, nor Lila, who made a sharp turn before heading for the exit…
Nor to the most pleased Mlle. Césaire, who was uploading everything to Ladyblog.
Only when Chloé, realizing her yells were having no effect, decided to drag Marinette away from Adrien, did the latter, pulling his arm from under his beloved’s shirt, but without pulling away from her lips, shut the door back right at his childhood friend’s face.
“Can’t you see it’s busy?” Alya snickered, cutting the upload. “For the foreseeable future, it would appear.”