Chapter Text
It was a lovely Italian day in Italy where the Italian Cioccolata and the Italian Secco were just out murdering another poor Italian fuck like they always do.
BZZZZRGMMGNG was the sound that Cioccolata's buzzsaw made as it hashed into somebody. Marinara sauce poured from the Italian victim because Italians bleed marinara sauce (I know this as I am 2% Italian).
"UGHGNN," Secco said as his chum worked. His job was to hold the camera. He liked holding cameras. He went to college for photography and he loved it. His life was perfectly normal until he met the Italian Joker Cioccolata. Now he's wearing a weird bodysuit and walking on all fours like some sort of beast. Guess Cioccolata has that effect on people.
After a couple seconds, Cioccolata's deed was done. Spaghetti and marinara sauce was everywhere. He sighed as he wiped the sweat that was beading on his forehead. The reason why he had to kill this man was because he had waited on The Boss at McDonald's. He saw the boss (and his order of large fries), so he had to die.
"How did the film turn out?" He asked his companion as he put down the buzzsaw.
"UNGCRINGECOMP," Secco spat out as he handed Cioccolata the camera.
Almost as if it was an ancient relic, Cioccolata received the camera carefully. He watched the video again while getting the feeling of bliss.
"Holy Dio Brando, Secco, this is great!" He cried as tiny tears began to form in his eyes. "What a magnificent angle! The lighting on the victim's face is perfection! Bellissimo! Secco you rascal, I'd say this is the best work you've ever done!"
"SJFOIHSOFHO," Secco cried out in happiness. He was glad he could make such a wonderous film! "DOFODPJIODHSOHFU."
"Oh, why thank you! I guess you're right; I did do a pretty good job with the buzzsaw." Cioccolata smiled smugly.
But still, there was something else on Secco's mind. Something sweet and salivating. Something that he yearned for. It was a thing that the whole world wanted. Something that he knew he should get.
Animal Crossing on the Switch.
Sugar cubes.
"FLPFPSNFJ," He grunted out expectantly.
Cioccolata gasped in shock. "Oh! I almost forgot! You wanted sugar cubes, didn't you?"
"UNNNGGGGHHH!"
"Of course, of course, I'll give it to you right away!" Cioccolata pushed the unnecessary items off of the table (which caused someone to Dojyaaan from far away) and opened the cupboard above. Inside, there was a couple of mothballs, a spoon, somebody's severed ear, no napkins (the Dojyaaan went away), and the ceramic container of sugar cubes.
"DJLSISPMOVEPIFHP!"
"Hold on whore, I gotta get it first," Cioccolata spat as he got the container. "Now I think you should get three..."
"WHATTHEFUCKSJSHFSHO."
"Oh? You're going Secco mode? Fine...you greedy bitch. Five it is." Cioccolata opened the container.
Inside....there was nothing.
Oh fuck noodles, he thought as he looked at his friend. Shit, he was looking at him with big puppy-dog eyes. And yet, there were no sugar cubes!
He thought of the film and he choked back tears. Secco provided him with great fap material and he couldn't even repay him! He felt as if the buzzsaw had went through him instead of that mammoni. This was not good at all.
"ONGOD?" Secco asked.
Cioccolata gulped. "Fuck. Secco, I..."
"OHONGOD?"
"Secco-"
"OHONGOD?!?!?"
"We have to go to the Italian Walmart to get more sugar cubes!"
"ASDLKFHFUCKSHSHSHITSDJSFJIPFPIDPISSNFHSUSOBITCH!"
"I'm sorry!" Cioccolata cried like Gelato and fell to his knees. "I-I didn't keep track of how many we had!" He sniffed and looked at his angered friend. "Secco, I promise that I'll make this up to you. We're going to get all of the sugar cubes from the Italian Walmart. How about that?"
Secco crossed his arms with a grunt. "FKJFFD."
"I know, I know, you want them now. But it shouldn't take more than half an hour! Trust me, I will never let you down. You provided me some great guro shit and I'm not going to take that for granted. You trust me, right?"
Secco uncrossed his arms and sighed. "Djkdspof...."
"Good. I won't disappoint you. Now let's go!"
The sun almost seemed to shine like a spotlight on the two creeps as they began to leave their headquarters.
And this is how Cioccolata and Secco's Italian Walmart adventure began.