Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Izuku POV
It hurts. Everything hurts. I need to escape the pain. I need it to be gone. There's one way to do that. And It'll happen today. Finally.

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I coast through the day feeling slightly disconnected. Of course, nobody notices. So after school, I go to the roof. Such a beautiful day... I smile softly as I lean forward and start to fall. Then I see the form of a person below me and my eyes widen as they look up. I recognize that spiky blond hair. I fall closer to the ground and I see that Kacchan has wide eyes and is on the verge of tears. He figures out where I should land and he uses his explosions to push him up enough to catch me. And he does. I feel his strong arms around me as he lowers us to the ground slowly with his freaking explosions. He puts me down and I look away. "Why..?" He asks quietly.

"Because I'm worthless."

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Deku POV
I didn't want to be saved. Was that not clear? Did he not understand the fact that I didn't want to live, that I felt so much pain in a day that I can't handle to be here anymore? And why did he save me? He always tells me just how much he hates me, he was even the one who first told me to kill myself but today, it seemed that he was on the verge of tears when I fell into his arms. I don't understand him sometimes... and I'm scared about what he might think about me now...
"Stop muttering, Deku..." Kacchan said, standing next to me. He had muttered something about not trusting me to walk home by myself. Now, we're almost there. I wince.
"S-sorry..."
"Don't apologize."
"S-sorry!"
"I SAID DON'T APOLOGIZE!!" I wince and feel tears well up, then see that as soon as he noticed he frowned. I blush as he wipes my tears away gently. "Hey... I'm sorry I yelled... don't cry..." He said softly, cupping my face gently. I blushed more, but he didn't seem to notice. He smiled softly and took my hand, dragging me down the street until I started to walk with him, blushing even more. We quickly got to my house, where my mom's car was parked in the driveway. He walked with me to the door, then knocked. When the doorknob started to turn, he released my hand and I felt slightly sad. When I saw my mom I smiled weakly.
"Hi, Mommy..." I whispered. She smiled.
"Hello, Izuku! Is Katsuki going to come in as well..?" I turned and saw him shake his head and wave.
"See'ya later, Deku..." He said softly as he walked away. I bushed and smiled.
"Bye Kacchan..."

Chapter Text

Kacchan POV

I felt bad. He did that because of me, and I knew it. At least he's alive...

Deku POV

When the door closed behind me, I hugged my mom tightly. "Zu?" She asked softly with confusion, hugging back. I didn't say anything, just held back tears. She stroked my hair gently, and I broke. I sobbed and sniffled as she made a small sound of pity. "Oh, Zu... Do you want to talk about it? Is it Katsuki? Did he do something to you? I swear to god, I will tell Mitsuki if he did and he'll get in troub-"
"It's not Kacchan."
"Then who is it?"
"..."
"Zu?"
"It... it's me..."
"What do you mean, Zu..?" She said softly, shock and sadness in her voice.
"It doesn't matter, Mommy... just had a bad day.."
"Are you sure? If anything is going on you can always tell me, you know that right?"
"Of course, Mommy. I love you so much."
Too much to ever burden you with the horrors in my mind. I know she is willing to listen to me, but I can't ever think of telling her about how I feel. I smiled softly and kissed her cheek softly before walking to my room and closing the door and locking it. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and pull it out, surprised. There's a notification. Two missed calls from Todoroki and four texts from... Oh my god...

I check what they are and smile softly.

❤Kacchan❤: Hey nerd

❤Kacchan❤: Nerd?

❤Kacchan❤: Hey I'm getting kind of worried.

❤Kacchan❤: Please don't hurt yourself

🥦broccoli boi🥦: Hey Kacchan!

❤Kacchan❤: Thank god youre okay!

🥦broccoli boi🥦: I'm fine!

🥦broccoli boi🥦: Hey, can I text you later?

❤Kacchan❤: Why????????????????????????????????????????

🥦broccoli boi🥦: Todoroki called me twice and I didn't answer, he's probably worried.

❤Kacchan❤: Okay.

Deku POV

I smile softly to myself and go to call Todoroki.

"Midoriya?"
"Hi Todoroki! I saw that I missed a few calls from you and thought I should call back!"
"O-oh! I wanted to ask you something..."
"What is it?"
"Well, do you want to hang out sometime?"
"Like a date?" I don't know if I like Todoroki like that...
"N-no! Just like two friends!"
"Of course! When?"
"Now?"
"Sure! Where do you want to meet?"
"Maybe at the park near the school?"
"Sure!"
"See you soon Midoriya."
"Seeya Shoto!" I smile as he hangs up. That park is across the street from my house, so I just freshen up a bit before walking over to the park and sitting on a bench to wait for Todoroki.

Chapter Text

Todoroki POV

I'm so excited. This is basically a date, right? I've liked Midoriya for a while, and I'm so happy that I get to spend time together today... honestly, there is only one person who is in the way of me winning over my sweet Izuku.

Katsuki Bakugo.

Chapter Text

Izuku POV

I wait on a bench, looking back and forth for Todoroki. I notice the familiar red and white hair, and smile. I stand and beam. "Sho~Chan!" He perks and smiles, speed-walking over to me. I think I notice a bruise, but try to ignore it. Then he gives me a once over and I blush slightly. Is he checking me out? But I really don't think I like him like that... Then I feel a hand in mine and snap back to reality.
"You're cute when you mumble." He says softly, making my face turn red.
"A-ah thank you so much Sho~Chan that means a lot and I can't believe you're holding my hand right now are you holding my hand o-" I feel the chill of air on my arm and look down to see him pushing up my sleeve. Cuts are exposed to the open air, since I haven't bandaged them yet.
"Midoriya..." He mumbled, grip on my hand tightening. "Did you do this to yourself..?"
"N-no! Why would you think I would do that to myself?!" I yank my arm away and tug down my sleeve, trying to ignore his hurt expression.
"Midoriya this is serious you need to tell someone-"
"I'm fine, aren't I? I'm perfectly fine!" I shout, shaking a bit as people turn to look at us for a moment. They soon look away and I feel him cup my ace, almost exactly like Kacchan did just a bit earlier. Suddenly, I hear a shout.
"HEY ICY-HOT!"

Chapter Text

Kacchan POV

I see that fucking Icy-Hot touching Deku. I see Deku freak out and try to get away, and that stupid asshole reach to hold him. I shout to get his attention, "HEY ICY-HOT!! HANDS OFF MY DEKU!" Slips out of my mouth after I have his attention, and I want to leave. Because I just called dumb Deku mine and now he's blushing like a cute idiot. Stupid broccoli.
"He isn't your property, Bakugou." Half and Half says calmly, slipping an arm around Deku's shoulders, making him blush more. Why does the idiot blush for Icy-Hot?
"I don't care, just get your fucking hands off of him, he doesn't seem to like that!" The cocky bastard smirks.
"Like this?" He moves his arm to around Deku's waist, and he blushes darker. I feel red hot fury gathering in side of me as the nervous and angry sweat in my hands explodes in small warning blasts. Then that stupid green-haired boy got scared, and leaned into the dumb, stupid, worthless Half and Half. I immediately stop and I feel concern fill me. There's tears in Deku's stupid pretty eyes. And I stop.
"Whatever. Just don't hurt him. And listen to Deku. Have fun on your date or whatever." I grumble, not wanting to scare my sweet Deku.
"W-wait!" His sweet voice calls out. "It isn't a date!" My Deku says, and I feel a smile spread across my face.
"See you later, Dek- Izuku."

Chapter Text

Izuku POV

Kacchan called me his. While I want to swoon over that, Todoroki seems to be irritated by the fact Kacchan was worried about me.
"Sho~Chan, he's being so nice!" I squeal happily, a light blush on my face at the thought of Kacchan being kind to me more. That seems to anger Sho even more though, so I shut my mouth. God I'm so worthless, making Shouto upset. He never gets mad and yet here I am, ruining things and making even him mad. Because I always ruin things. "Sorry..." I mumble, and he turns to look at me.
"You didn't do anything. I just don't like how he treats you."
"But he was so nice..."
"He usually isn't though." Todoroki gently leads me to an ice cream shop, then to a movie. We watch the movie quietly and he moves close to me, and arm around my shoulders. I don't know how it makes me feel exactly, but it's calming. When we get out of the movie, he takes me to an arcade. We have fun at the arcade until pretty late, when he drags me to a photo booth with a smile. I follow him, a bit tired and just going with the flow. We squish into the photo booth and start taking photos, when suddenly my face is turned and a sweet kiss is pressed to my lips. I blush bright red and he pulls away after a second. There goes my first kiss. He smiles. "I have a crush on you. Could I consider this a date..?"
My heart beats fast, and I don't know what to say. I shake my head and book it from the photo booth, then from the arcade. I'm running home when I realize that there isn't anyone there to stop me this time. But for some reason, I still send a goodbye text to three people.

🥦Broccoli Boi🥦: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Not that you three will care. Mommy, I love you so much, but everything hurts and I just can't keep going on like this and I'm so sorry. Kacchan, don't blame anyone, this is all me. Sho, I'm sorry for running away.

I put my phone away and ignore the texts flooding my phone as I walk to the school. My phone rang, but I didn't pick it up. Then it rang again and again and I finally picked up.
"Who is it?"
"It's me." Kacchan's sweet voice filled my ears. "What was that text about?"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter." I mumble, arriving to the school.
"Bullshit. I ran to your place and your mom is crying because she figured out what it meant, De- Izuku. And don't you dare fucking do it."
"But no one is here to stop me, why shouldn't I just go for it and finally free you all of this burden."
"THINK OF SOMEONE ELSE! Your mom is going to be destroyed. Your friends-"
"Hate me."
"No they don't. We both know that they really don't hate you."
"I really don't know that. Everyone hates me, because I'm a terrible, useless, unloved, unwanted Deku." He finally goes quiet and I hang up, stalking to the tallest building. My eyes are full of tears and I sniffle, feeling so guilty.

Chapter Text

Kacchan POV

Inko had quickly loaded me into her car, zooming to where he might be. I suggest the first place where he attempted, the school. She goes impossibly fast, breaking a few laws. We get there and see the silhouette of someone on top of the tallest building. Someone with cute fluffy hair, and a short stature. Thank god we got here before he jumped.

Chapter Text

Todoroki POV

Oh no, oh god no, oh please don't. The message from Midoriya was on my screen, and I was shocked. I had seen it last, since my father had been... "training" me. I saw the desperate messages from Bakugou, and from someone who was presumably his mom by the message he sent. I shakily pressed the call button next to Izuku's contact, letting it ring.
"What?" Though he snapped at me, hearing his voice made me relax, knowing he was alive. For now at least.
"Where are you, Midoriya..?"
"The school. Not that it matters. I have to go now." The call was suddenly ended and I felt my heart sink. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no not him. Not the one person who actually made my life worth living. Not him. I couldn't bear not hearing his beautiful laugh, seeing those shining eyes, never getting another chance to kiss him. He couldn't leave, too many people leave.

Kacchan POV

I ran towards the school, seeing his form on the phone for just a moment. I had to get up to him, I had to stop him, I couldn't let this happen. No no no. Not my sweet Izuku. I don't deserve him, I know. I hurt him so much and the fact he wants to even do this is majorly my fault. But I can't let him jump. Even if I would never end up with him, I needed him to be alive, and be happy. As long as he's alive. Hell, he can be with damned Icy-Hot, just don't let him die now. Tears pricked my eyes, nervous sweat started to gather at my brow. I shouted, "Izuku!"

Izuku POV

"Izuku!" I hear Kacchan shout the words and I shake my head, seeing him halfway across campus. I had to do it now. So I jump.

Chapter Text

Aizawa POV

I had been correcting papers when I heard a commotion outside of the building, my opened window feeding my ears the shouts of one of my students. But why was Bakugou here so late? And why would he shout the name of Midoriya, who he seemed to hate so much? I looked out and saw him running towards my building, looking scared like I had never seen him. I quickly exited the building, since I was on the first floor.
"Bakugou, what's going on?" I called out. He glanced at me, crying. Then he pointed to the roof. I see the silhouette of a person at the top, then see the person start to fall.
"NO!" shouted Bakugou, collapsing to his knees. I moved my scarf and wrapped it around the falling body, slowing it's descent and then gently placing the person on the ground. Bakugou gasped and ran over, sobbing openly. He hugged the person close as I had my scarf go back around my neck. I noticed green curly hair and realized who it was.
"Midoriya." He looked at me, shaking a bit. Bakugou held him close, giving me a glare. "I have to report this to All Might." His eyes widened and he shook his head.
"N-no, don't, please! He shouldn't be burdened with me, he shouldn't. I'm so sorry, It won't happen again, don't tell him!" He begged, tears rolling down his face. Bakugou held him tighter.
"Izuku, it's okay..." He mumbled, hiding his face in Izuku's messy curls. A short woman was jogging over, huffing.
"Zu!" She cried, hugging the both of them tightly. "Oh my god, my baby..."
"Mommy, I'm fine..." So this was Izuku's mother.
"You clearly aren't.... God I should've known, I should have figured it out, I'm so sorry..."
"Mommy. I'm alive."
"But you... tried to... t-to kill yourself..." She said, sniffling. Then Bakugou spoke.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
"Why are you sorry, Katsuki..?" Asked Izuku's mother.
"God, I should've fucking told you, It was idiotic not to... He tried to do this earlier today... but I was stupid and didn't want to talk to you because you probably hate me..."
"I don't hate you. And trust me, neither does Zu. He idolizes you, almost as much as All Mi-"
"MOM!" Izuku squeaked. This was a strange interaction. I could tell his mother was trying to distract herself from the fact her son just attempted suicide, understandably. But to bring that up when Bakugou was apologizing for hiding a separate attempt? Obvious disbelief. She didn't want to believe her son tried to kill himself. And honestly, I didn't want to believe it either. I should have taken Iida's warning about seeing strange marks on Midoriya's arms seriously, but he sometimes gets overly concerned. So I made a mistake and didn't even ask Midoriya. Dammit. I was an idiot. And now I have a student who almost died in front of me.

Chapter Text

Izuku POV

My mom rushes me to a hospital, sobs the whole story to the poor nurse working the front desk, and we wait. And the wait is agonizing. My mom cries beside me, Kacchan looks at his hands and seems almost scared. But I'm scared too. Not that they care. No one cares about me. My mom cries because she doesn't want her reputation ruined. Kacchan doesn't want to lose his place in UA for encouraging suicide to someone who actually did it. They don't care, I should know this by now. I have to stop being so foolish.

Why in hell would anyone love me?

Chapter Text

sorry for not posting. i havent been in a good place mentally. so yeah.

Chapter Text

Izuku POV

It was so awkward to have tests taken and a social worker ask about me and my home life. Why I wanted to die, if school was too much for me. It hurt to see the look of shock on the faces of the hospital workers when they recognized me from the sports festival.

They wrapped my arms and after a bit I just kind of fell asleep, or at least something similar to that. When I woke up, it was because of loud voices demanding entry. I sat up and winced slightly, then the door opened and my classmates spilled in.

Iida was holding back tears, reminding me of how he’d acted after our encounter with stain.

Uraraka was sobbing, which was loud and hurt my ears, but I didn’t have the energy to ask her to stop.

Todoroki had a bruise on his cheek and tear stains on his face. He was next to me faster than anyone else, gripping my hand tightly.

“I thought you died.” He whispered. “I am so glad you aren't dead... I hope I can help you in the future... I want you to be happy, because you’ve been helping me feel that way.” I just nod a bit.

Kacchan was quiet in the doorway. His eyes were red, so he was either crying recently or smoking weed at the worst possible time. His friends were also here, a few of them staying near him while the others were near me. People were touching me, attempting to comfort me and make me smile. It was kind of helping.

Someone was singing for whatever reason, I don’t know who. Everyone was reduced to blurs of color. I refuse to believe they’re here because they care. They’re here to look good to All Might and Aizawa. They don’t care.
They don’t care.
They can’t care

Chapter Text

Izuku POV

They got kicked out after a while, and my mom finally walked in. I could tell just by the look on her face how disappointed she was. It hurt. I felt so bad, as wanted to apologize over and over, but I didn’t have the energy to open my mouth and say anything. She wiped her eyes and sat next to my bed and asked me something I had been hoping she wouldn’t.

“Why..? Why did you do this, why didn’t you tell me what you were going through, Izuku? I want to help you, but I can’t if you hide this sort of thing from me... I love you, son. So much.”

I listened quietly, not having anything to say to her. She started to cry into her hands, and some cruel, sadistic part of me wanted to tell her to stop, that she wasn’t the one going through this, she just had to watch. That it wasn’t fair. But I didn’t say anything, and when it got late, she took me home. We were both quiet. I was lucky they decided being at UA was sufficient suicide watch.

——the following morning——

I sat in my seat in class. The tension was palpable, and I could have cut it with a knife. I thought everyone knew... but no. The board said ‘suicide awareness’, and that was causing the tension. Only my friends knew. Them and Kacchan.

“Alright, after some recent events, the school has advised me to give you all a briefing on suicide awareness. Things like the signs, what to do.” Aizawa said in a lazy tone. The entire class was suddenly filled with energy, the question of whose actions had caused this lesson to be presented to them.

The people who knew kept quiet.

“First of all: distancing themselves from people they’re close to. Over working themselves, lack of sleep. Signs they could be self harming includ hiding their legs or arms consistently. Now, does anyone know what to do if you find a suicide note from your friend?”

This was awkward. I could see that Kacchan’s breathing had sped up a bit. Mina’s hand shot up.

“Report it to an adult you trust, and try to find the friend.” She said. “They were super consistent about telling us this stuff in my middle school, it was kind of weird.” Mina over shared a lot. It was fine, because it clearly helped her with any stress she might have.

Aizawa nodded. “Sure. Now this part is kind of personal, but they told me to do it so people realize how much this affects others. How many of you have had someone you care about either attempt suicide or succeed?”

I knew I was fucked the moment all my friends raised their hands and I didn’t. I didn’t care about myself, so technically it counted. The first person to piece it together was Momo.

“Wait... oh. Oh my god. I’m just gonna say that’s a coincidence.” She was mumbling, but the class was solemnly silent. A few other people raised their hands, but the quickness of my friends... I was done for.