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“I had faith in you, Lee Jeno.”
Jeno giggles at the disgruntled expression on her wife’s face, transposed as more of an adorable pout than a genuine frown.
“We could’ve been on the beach in Okinawa, in the sun. Sapporo, really? You can’t go out into the air without losing feeling in your fingers,” Renjun complains, “did you even think?”
“I thought hard about the dates!” Jeno replies adamantly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear sheepishly as she adds, “maybe not the season.”
“Oh my god, I packed a beach towel. A beach towel , Jen. And I spent fifty bucks on a new swimsuit. I could’ve packed another padded coat.”
“Swimsuit?”
“Yeah, and you’ll never get to see me in it. Congratulations, you played yourself.”
Jeno opens and closes her mouth several times but all she can muster is a childish whine.
“Oh Jeno, what am I going to do with you?” Renjun laughs, leaning forward to kiss Jeno’s nose. Now it’s Jeno’s turn to pout, the tip of her ears glowing pink. Above head the departures timetable blinks an artificial blue.
“Our flight to Hokkaido leaves in ten minutes!” Jeno exclaims, grabbing Renjun’s hand and tugging her towards the gate.
“Twenty minutes, baby,” Renjun corrects, “the plane departs at twenty past. It’s only twelve.” She frowns slightly at Jeno, studying her face for a moment.
“I told you before we left to get your glasses,” Renjun sighs, pushing her fingers through the non-existent lenses of Jeno’s circle-rimmed glasses.
“I have them!” Jeno protests, patting the front pocket of her carry-on bag. “These ones are just more stylish.”
Renjun snorts. “You’re not gonna look very stylish when your walking into walls, babe.” She punctuates each word with a tap to the rim of Jeno’s glasses. Jeno catches her hand and holds it in her own, bringing the top of it to her lips and resting it there. A simple silver ring band sits comfortably on Renjun’s left ring finger, cushioned next to the engagement ring Jeno had picked out nearly four Christmases ago. Jeno smiles, pressing a kiss to the tips of her fingers.
“What?” Renjun questions, loosening a digit and tapping it softly against Jeno’s lips.
“Hmm?”
“You’ve got that stupid look on your face,” Renjun supplies.
“You’re pretty,” Jeno confesses, squishing her cheeks between the palms of her hands.
“Enough,” Renjun grumbles, playfully swatting the hands off her. A glowy blush dusts her cheeks a warm pink.
Honestly, she’s not that hung up on Jeno’s grand honeymoon destination choice, she’s happy enough to just be going on her honeymoon. They’d gotten married more than a year and a half ago, almost two years. But between work promotions and the sudden death of Jeno’s father, they had only postponed the honeymoon like three hundred times. She had envisioned a typical tropical getaway in the Maldives, maybe Seychelles, Phuket, Saint Lucia, or her dream getaway to Santorini (which she had hinted at to Jeno almost everyday).
Stressed out from work, she had practically kissed Jeno’s feet when she announced that she’d spoken to both of their bosses and successfully secured annual leave at the same time for their long overdue honeymoon. And when Jeno had proclaimed that she would take of everything, Renjun had almost passed out. From relief, not trepidation. Although maybe she should’ve stepped in or at least taken a peek at the planning. Renjun had assumed that a January honeymoon would mean a good deal to somewhere warm after New Years, somewhere that it was summer, like Australia or Rio de Janeiro.
“You still upset?”
“I’m not upset, just surprised,” Renjun replies, forcing a smile she hopes comes across as somewhat reassuring, “if we wanted winter we could’ve stayed in Seoul.”
“You’re a bad liar, Jun,” Jeno purrs, giving Renjun teasing smile. Her face falters a touch. “Sorry, it’s just you kept playing with that snow globe Sicheng brought back from Sapporo — I thought you might wanna go and get one of your own.”
Renjun melts a bit at that, but she shouldn’t be surprised. Jeno has always been an excellent listener and observer, knows when Renjun’s too tired or sick before even she knows. She grabs Jeno’s wrists and draws her in to land a fond kiss on her mouth. Giggling softly she buries her head in Jeno’s neck, pressing a close-mouthed peck there, drinking in the sweet smell of Jeno’s perfume.
“I love you, you big stupid puppy,” she breathes into her neck. Any other day she would be a bit uncomfortable with showing such affection in public, but the warmness in her chest overpowers any inkling of embarrassment.
The automated chime tone of the boarding call interrupts the moment, the bored monotonous voice of a woman announces that it is time for them to enter the plane. Jeno happily strides forward, Renjun’s bag swung over her shoulder. Renjun squeaks and clutches onto the hem of her jacket, desperate to cling onto Jeno before her long strides out sprint Renjun’s shorter legs.
They find their seats easily, Rejun pressed against the small oval window overlooking the wing, while Jeno sits cosy between her and a tired looking businessman privileged with an aisle seat. As the plane takes off, Renjun watches the airport and buildings shrink until they are like a line of little ants. Her plan to have a good nap in the air is foiled thrice.
Firstly, the businessman on the end of their row starts having a very loud (and from the tone of it very angry) phone conversation, typing away furiously on his laptop. She internally cheers when an observant flight attendant asks him politely to quieten down.
After that, Renjun manages to catch a good twenty minutes of shut eye before the plane hits some turbulence over the sea and she jolts awake. She scowls when she sees Jeno still asleep next to her, face hidden from view under a magazine secured under a grey beanie. Renjun leans across her to attach her seatbelt as the overhead seatbelt light blinks orange and the flight attendant prowls her way up and down the plane. Jeno’s hair is unruly with a decent chunk of it caught in her mouth. Gorgeous. Renjun snaps a quick photo to save for later humiliation (it’s definitely not because she looks insanely cute, no, definitely not).
The third time she’s awoken by a high-pitched shriek and giggle. Opening her eyes blearily, she glances across to see Jeno making faces at a baby seated a few aisles up. The infant squeals with delight every time Jeno hides her face behind the magazine, pigtails tied together with fluffy pom-poms bouncing with every laugh. Their little game of peek-a-boo seems to annoy some of the other passengers though; their row-mate businessman attempts to shove his airpods all the way into his ear canal to emphasise his irritation.
“Cute, huh?” Jeno smiles. And it’s genuine, not appeasing — her eyes scrunch into happy little crescents.
“Yeah,” Renjun muses, brushing a wayward strand of Jeno’s hair out of her face, “yeah.”
Jeno gives her an undecipherable look and returns to her magazine.
Renjun’s left wondering about what that would be like — having a child of their own. They’ve only ever discussed it vaguely, mentioned that it would be nice to have their own family someday, never really realising that ‘someday’ was kind of ‘now-ish’. Most couples married two years are seriously considering the whole children discussion like it’s a necessary step of their marriage. But Jeno and Renjun aren’t most married couples (most married couples haven’t been high-school sweethearts, high-school exes, assumed enemies, vague unlabeled relationship in university, dating, engaged, dating, engaged, and then finally married), and they’re young, only twenty-five going on twenty-six. It’s not like Renjun is opposed to the idea, but it still seems unfamiliar. Renjun doesn’t really know if she’s good enough with children to be a parent, not like Jeno who is a natural with numerous baby cousins and a successful looking pursuit in paediatrics.
She lets the idea nag at her for a few more minutes before she lets go of it and snuggles her cheek into Jeno’s shoulder, finally getting her long-awaited nap.
By the time they get to the hotel it’s late afternoon, the sun beginning to sink below the tops of the city buildings. Luckily they had been able to get through customs quick enough to catch a good few hours of daylight. The pair check in at their hotel in the city’s centre, washing up to get rid of the stiff feeling from sitting on the airplane. Renjun pulls on one of the few sweaters she packed, a smear of blue decorating the wrist of one sleeve. Come to think of it, the fabric still permeates the slight scent of turpentine.
She flops down onto the hotel bed face first, the sound of the sink running in the bathroom muffled through the covers. Soon enough, the couple saunter back down to the lobby, discarding their luggage on the hotel room bed. Jeno leads Renjun out onto the street, eyes glued to her phone and her honeymoon action plan she’d created in preparation for this moment. They walk for about twenty minutes before arriving at a street café, decorated with pine wood apparel and an overwhelmingly large number of artificial tree ferns.
They sit down next to the window and order, the late lunch menu offering a measly selection of meals. It’s a little different from what Renjun had expected of her honeymoon: no sand, no palm trees, no intimidating array of beachfront cocktails. No middle-aged white women in their luxury hotel robes. Still, it’s nice. Very Jeno-y. Very them.
A waitress comes over to serve them their drinks, hair clipped in neat bun. She wears a long hanging hummingbird earring on her left side, and it glimmers under the overhead lights. The only other customers are seated at the corner table on the opposite side of the café.
“Hey, I actually have something I want to talk about,” Jeno starts, sipping the rim of her mug and then wincing when the hot liquid hits her tongue. The serious atmosphere catches Renjun off guard.
“Me too,” Renjun adds, “you first.”
“Okay,” Jeno begins, “I never really knew how to bring this up, so I thought I should ask here, where I can’t runaway.”
The look Jeno gives her is earnest, searching.
“I think that now is a good time, a good place for both of us, to start talking about the future.”
“Okay,” Renjun replies, pretending that her heart isn’t beating like a million butterflies are in a frenzy in her chest cavity.
“I thought maybe we could start to build on our little family,” noticing the frozen expression on Renjun’s face she continues, “we could start with something small, like a cat. I know there are plenty to adopt at the shelter near Jaemin’s apartment.”
“Is this a, is this like a placeholder?” Renjun asks, voice a little quiet, a little loud. In the background the instrumental piano playing over the speakers switches to the next track.
“A what?”
“A placeholder, like a metaphor for something else,” Renjun supplies. Jeno looks confused, head cocked to the right. Renjun takes a sip from her tea, swallowing.
“Is this like, something else, Jen? Is it— is this, uh,” Renjun exhales, “do you want a baby?”
Jeno blinks once, twice, a third time. When she speaks her voice is soft and warm.
“Is that something you want?”
“I don’t know,” Renjun breathes, “yet. But I thought that’s what you meant — what you wanted.”
“For now, it’s just a cat. I don’t want to want anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable, Jen. I’m just, uh, unsure.” Renjun tries to give Jeno her best reassuring smile, but it probably comes across as a little awkward, a little anxious.
“Hey,” Jeno says, reaching across the table for Renjun’s hand. “That’s fine.”
⊱ ━━━━.⋅ ♡ ⋅.━━━━ ⊰
“God, it's worse than a sauna in here,” Jeno huffs, swatting steam out of her face. Her hair is pushed back from her face with a child-like yellow headband as she moisturises her face in the mirror. “You're gonna melt your skin off with the temperature of that water, babe. That’s gotta be at least boiling point.”
The bathroom smells like hair conditioner: artificial and an imitation of summer berries.
Renjun scoffs and splashes a handful of water at Jeno, who fortunately is protected by the glass pane of the shower wall. She sticks out her tongue immaturely, satisfied at the flinch Jeno displayed when her water hit the glass. Jeno rolls her eyes and continues washing her face. Renjun, who had finished washing her hair at least a minute and a half ago, stands motionlessly under the hot spray, letting the quick rivulets of near scalding water wash over her. She shrieks when the water suddenly turns ice-cold, clinging to the tiled wall. Through the glass she can see Jeno shaking with laughter as she turns off the tap and the water returns to normal.
“You’re really asking for it,” Renjun growls, shutting off the shower mixer. She steps out of the shower, stepping forward towards Jeno. It’s as threatening as she can get, realistically, considering the height and strength Jeno has on her. All things considered, Jeno still arms herself with a complimentary hotel toothbrush.
“Get dressed,” Jeno giggles, “we’re going out.”
“No, we’re not,” Renjun replies, wringing the water out of hair with her hands.
“I wanna take you somewhere,” the other girl whines.
“Honey, we just got back. I’m tired,” Renjun sulks, wrapping a towel around herself. Her voice shifts to a sickly saccharine in an attempt to worm her way out of the proposed outing. “Can’t we go tomorrow?”
“Please?” Renjun doesn’t have to look to know Jeno’s pouting in a way she’s very susceptible to. Her brown eyes are glistening (excellent acting, Renjun notes) like a puppy. A big, dumb, stupid, puppy dog. Renjun stares her down for a whole three seconds.
“Ugh, fine!” she relents. Jeno smiles, pleased, and suppresses a chuckle as Renjun dejectedly trudges into the bedroom. “We better not be out all night! And I mean it Jeno Lee!”
Through the drawn blinds on the window, light flickers in as long stripes of digital colour reflected from the city outside. Renjun feels the heat from the water still seeping from her skin; she doesn’t need to look to know her face is glowing a rosy red. She slips into a pair of jeans and steals one of Jeno’s knits from the closet. Sighing, she waits for the hairdryer to finish drying her wet hair, fiddling with the rings on her finger. A few moments later Jeno emerges from the en-suite, hair parted in a pair of braids. There’s one strand that refuses to sit in the braid, instead it curls backwards towards Jeno’s cheek.
“You look cute,” Renjun says, pretending to swoon into the pillows of the bed.
“Get up,” Jeno demands, diving towards Renjun with her fingers outstretched to tickle her. The tips of her ears are red.
“Okay, okay!” Renjun screams, wriggling out of Jeno’s grasp.
They get a hire car from down the street (Renjun complains drastically about the billing), Jeno sliding into the driver’s seat. She leans over towards Renjun, one hand on the ignition, one eyebrow raised suggestively.
“What? Is this supposed to be hot or something?” Renjun teases, laughing when Jeno pouts.
Jeno takes them out of the city. They drive for almost an hour, watching the sun melt into midnight ink blue as it falls below the horizon. Jeno parks alongside the road. It’s gotten dark, but not dark enough that Renjun can’t see the lull of the waves licking at the sand. A beach.
“Come on,” Jeno says, opening the car door, “let’s go.”
Renjun raises a brow, wrapping her coat tighter around her. She doesn’t even move to undo her seatbelt.
“It’s cold, Jen.”
“Indulge me,” Jeno pleads, taking Renjun’s cold hands in her own cold hands. Renjun gives in, sighing as she steps out of the car and into the air.
“If I get sick, it’s on you,” Renjun sulks.
“All good, doctor in training, remember?”
“Yeah, a doctor for kids.”
“Well, you’re acting like one,” Jeno replies, dragging Renjun behind her as they step out onto the chilled sand.
The wind is sharper than the air, it whips Renjun’s hair across her face and draws goosebumps on her skin. The moon is barely there in the sky, a tiny slither against the dark blue and grey of the sky. It smells like salt and sand, like earth, and like Jeno.
“I feel like this would be a nice place to renew our vows, if we ever do.”
“I can’t feel my lips.”
Jeno snickers, “you’re ruining the moment.”
“Oh, is this what this is? A moment?” Renjun replies snarkily.
Jeno just shakes her head and then jolts towards the other woman, picking her up haphazardly in her arms. Renjun shrieks as Jeno moves towards the water’s edge.
“Don’t, don’t!” Renjun splutters, digging her nails into Jeno’s forearm. “Don’t you da—”
She gasps as Jeno plonks her down onto the sand. Fortunately she lands upright but that doesn’t stop the cold water from seeping into her shoes. She draws in a sharp breath, teeth now chattering. She turns towards her wife, murder in her eyes, and runs right into her arms.
“You’re so mean to me,” Renjun whimpers, her voice muffled in the fabric of Jeno’s jacket.
She squeaks when Jeno unzips her jacket and swallows her in it, failing to close the zip around them. Renjun feels the warmth radiate from Jeno’s skin, rubbing her cold nose into Jeno’s neck. She can feel the chain hanging from Jeno’s neck press into the soft of her throat. Jeno’s ring hangs at the bottom of the chain, sandwiched between their chests. Jeno had started wearing the ring on her neck when she started her internship at the hospital because of the no jewelry policy.
Jeno’s hands tickle her waist, cold against her protected skin. Renjun leans back, looking at the stupid look on Jeno’s face. It’s soft and adoring and warms Renjun up more than any furnace could. Jeno presses her lips onto Renjun’s, hands coming up to rest at the back of her head, tangling into her hair. Renjun exhales softly, running her tongue along the seam of Jeno’s lips. She slides her hands from the front of Jeno’s shirt to the back of her waist, running her nails up and down Jeno’s lower back. It’s a bit cold but it’s getting warmer. It’s nice, Renjun decides. No, it’s perfect.
In the morning the sky is surprisingly golden.
The air bites, it’s cold for sure. Renjun buries herself deeper in the covers, disappointed when she can’t find Jeno in the sheets. She whines long and low, struggling to get her eyes open. The door to the en-suite clicks, and she can hear a pair of feet shuffling towards her. Jeno plants herself face first into Renjun’s soft tummy, slightly knocking the wind out of her.
Renjun groans in complaint but brings her fingers up to scratch at Jeno’s head. Jeno breathes into her stomach, breath hot and minty. She wraps her hands around and under her waist, brushing her cheek back and forth over Renjun’s skin.
“I’ve thought about it a little,” Renjun whispers, caressing Jeno’s cheeks in her hands as Jeno peers up at her.
“Uh-huh,” Jeno responds dumbly, not quite catching on. Renjun shuffles down the bed until her body is parallel to Jeno’s. She kisses her once on the forehead, then on the nose, and finally tenderly on the lips. She murmurs something into Jeno’s lips, dragging her lips across her nose, breath kissing her cheek with each syllable.
“Huh?”
Renjun groans at having to repeat herself.
“ I said, this was not as horrible as it could've been.”
“It wasn’t going to be horrible, you were just being a baby about it.” Jeno teases, thrumming her fingers against the skin of Renjun’s stomach.
Renjun furrows her eyebrows and pushes Jeno onto the floor with the bed linen. She crawls her way over to the side of the bed and peers down at her wife buried between the covers and carpet.
“Jeno?”
“Yeah?”
“We can do it,” Renjun mumbles, “the practice baby.”
“Practice baby?”
“Let’s adopt that stupid cat.”