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Sirius Black to Least Favorite Son: have u… decorated for valentines day???
James Potter to Motorcycle Fucker: of course i have!!! best holiday of the year!
Sirius Black: gross get ur monogamy away from me
Sirius Black: also this is halloween erasure and i absolutely wont stand 4 it
Sirius Black: honestly only bad thing abt halloween is that its only once a year
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Sirius Black to Deliveroo Harassment Squad: so im throwing a halloween party
Remus Lupin: It’s February?
Sirius Black: im calling it hifbiss: halloween in february bcuz i said so
Sirius Black: and, after much begging from jimmy p, it will be february 15th not 14th
James Potter: i literally just asked nicely??
Sirius Black: i also may only have moved it bcuz im afraid lily would actually murder me if i ruined ur first vday as a couple
Remus Lupin: Smart move
Remus Lupin: And I’m in for HIFBISS. Sounds better than normal Halloween honestly because I won’t have to deal with other people in public celebrating the holiday.
James Potter: yeh the tube does get a bit grim that night
Peter Pettigrew: noooo it takes me lik a month 2 think of my halloween costume nd now iv only got a week and a half??
Sirius Black: and u know ill take the piss for the rest of the year if u have a shit costume
Remus Lupin: Not helpful.
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Lily Evans to Sirius’s Ex-Lover: whats this I hear about a halloween party?
James Potter to Carrot Top: sirius is throwing a “halloween in february because i said so” party the 15th
Lily Evans: omg sounds fun!
Lily Evans: can we go in a couples costume this time or have you already planned one with sirius? (again)
James Potter: u know i felt bad about that but sirius and i had been planning our ariana grande and pete davidson costumes for months and we’d only officially been together a few weeks then. but im all urs this time <3
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James Potter to Spider-Man Noir: sorry m8 ive gotta cancel on our couples costume this time. lily needs me
Sirius Black to Spider-Ham: u fuckin traitor. love has made u soft
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Lily Evans to Princess Diaries 3: sirius is throwing a halloween party the 15th
Marlene McKinnon: thank god!! now i have something to look forward to next week
Dorcas Meadowes: marlene you literally have a date on valentines day
Marlene McKinnon: yes and?
Mary MacDonald: should we do a group costume?
Lily Evans: sorry but i already made james back out of whatever couples costume he and sirius had planned to do one with me!!!
Dorcas Meadowes: you could do one with cattermole?
Mary Macdonald: i could but reg doesn’t really get pop culture references. might make him dress up as one anyway if he can come
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Lily Evans to Former Gilderoy Lockhart Lover: how did you know you were in love with reg?
Lily Evans: asking for a friend
Mary Macdonald to Fellow Former Gilderoy Lockhart Lover: omg!!!!
Lily Evans: asking for a friend!!!!
Mary Macdonald: idk i just had this moment where i looked at him and my brain kinda screamed it at me?
Mary Macdonald: like he was coming over and i looked out the window and saw him cross the street and i just thought “wow look at that incredible person!!! he’s amazing!!!! i’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before!!!”
Mary Macdonald: of course i didn’t tell him right away and i was kinda awkward after i realized it because i was internally freaking out but yeah
Lily Evans: hmmm
Lily Evans: say that this friend of mine has been having those kinds of thoughts for, oh i don’t know, let’s say several months now at this point
Lily Evans: is she in love?
Mary Macdonald: i mean, not knowing who this friend you speak of could possibly be, i of course can’t make a definitive judgment…
Mary Macdonald: (but yeah you’re def in love with him and i am living for it!!!!)
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James Potter to Even Hotter Amy Adams: made our valentines day dinner reservations! :) <3
Lily Evans to Slightly Less Attractive Aladdin: ooh reservations how fancy
Lily Evans: (can’t wait! <3)
Lily Evans: i ordered the stuff for our hifbiss costumes!!
James Potter: omg wait what are we going as?
Lily Evans: you ever heard of a cinematic masterpiece called “the bee movie”
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James Potter to Jon Snow: i think i love lily???
Sirius Black to Robb Stark: no shit
Sirius Black: ur not just now realizing this r u??
James Potter: no i think its that ive known it basically since we started dating
James Potter: (shes the perfect woman how could i not love her)
James Potter: but like ive been afraid to say it? or to think it?
James Potter: especially because i would always joke around and say it to her when we were still just friends so ive been worried she wont think i mean it still
Sirius Black: i mean love is obviously mad dumb and ur a weak beta male for catching feels
Sirius Black: but like if u and lily arent in love then no1 is and love doesnt exist
Sirius Black: speaking scientifically ofc
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Remus Lupin to All the Single Ladiez: The only good thing abt this stupid holiday is all of the chocolate that goes on sale the day after
Marlene McKinnon: preach omg
Dorcas Meadowes: idk easter also has that and doesnt make me feel so alone
Remus Lupin: Valentine’s Day has better candy. It’s just a fact.
Marlene McKinnon: easter is too heavy on jelly beans
Remus Lupin: It’s true and you should say it.
Dorcas Meadowes: so are we going out for drinks on the dreaded vday as per usual?
Marlene McKinnon: yeah i pushed that date back. didn’t want him getting any expectations because of the day of the month it happened to fall on
Remus Lupin: Let’s do it.
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Sirius Black to Lads Incorporated™: remus…. r u in a single ladies group chat w marlene nd dorcas??
Remus Lupin: Yes and I feel no shame about it so don't even try to make fun of me.
Sirius Black: no its not that at all
Sirius Black: i obvi want in
Remus Lupin: Hard pass
Remus Lupin: You’re not sensitive enough for our conversations.
James Potter: bold of you to assume marlene is that much more sensitive than sirius
Sirius Black: ^what he said!!
Peter Pettigrew: can i b allowed back in the chat
Remus Lupin: Are you going to drunkenly talk about your pooping habits again?
Peter Pettigrew: i cant promise i wont
Remus Lupin: While I admire that honesty, answer remains no.
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Lily Evans to Mammas Mia: what do i wear for my valentines date??
Lily Evans: im not used to having to dress up for a date
Marlene McKinnon: yeah you and james have already become an old married couple that never goes out in the like 4 months you’ve been dating. bit impressed honestly
Dorcas Meadowes: we talkin actual outfit or lingerie
Lily Evans: oh shit i should get some pretty lingerie shouldn’t i
Lily Evans: both i guess!!!
Mary Macdonald: just go to primark! they have cheap lingerie sets for like 10 quid and they’re actually not uncomfy. plus i’m sure you’ll be able to find a dress
Mary Macdonald: besides you know james doesn’t really care what you wear. he’s too smitten
Dorcas Meadowes: gross (but i second all of the above)
Marlene McKinnon: i’ll make a primark trip with you. need to pick up some stuff for my costume }:)
Lily Evans: the devil emoji worries me but desperate times!
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Remus Lupin to Pita Bread: Hey can I borrow your bald cap for the party?
Peter Pettigrew to Remington Lupus: im actually usin it 4 my costume srry :/
Remus Lupin: Hmm. What are you going as?
Peter Pettigrew: a naked mole rat
Remus Lupin: Okay yep we definitely are not going as the same thing.
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James Potter to Vernon’s Future Sister: wanna meet at mine at 6:30 tomorrow? we can walk to the restaurant from there
Lily Evans to Whiny Trust Fund Baby: sounds good! should i just bring our costume stuff with me to leave at yours? assuming things go well and you manage to get me to spend the night of course ;)
James Potter: ;)
James Potter: and yeh sounds good. party is at ours anyway no use in havin you trek back and forth the day of when you could just spend all day in bed with me ;)
Lily Evans: sounds like a plan ;)
James Potter: ;)
Lily Evans: ;)
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Sirius Black to Ygritte: ;)
Lily Evans to Side Chick: stop logging into james’s icloud
Lily Evans: or at least give me the password so we can both wreak havoc
Sirius Black: deal
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Sirius Black to Bad at Fortnite: so i may have fucked up
Remus Lupin to Do Not Answer At Work: What did you do?
Sirius Black: so u know how i log into james’s icloud occasionally
Remus Lupin: Of course
Sirius Black: so i was talkin 2 lily and she asked for the password so she could mess w james 2
Sirius Black: and ofc i gave it 2 her. shes devious. seemed like it would be a laugh
Remus Lupin: Sounds like major violations of James’s privacy but what’s new
Remus Lupin: So what’s the fuck up?
Sirius Black: well the last convo i had with james was him saying he thinks hes in love with her
Sirius Black: and theres a chance she maybe probably saw those texts
Remus Lupin: Ah. I see.
Sirius Black: so like…. what do i do lol
Remus Lupin: First, stop logging into James’s icloud and messing with him. I thought that had stopped after the incident with Interpol
Sirius Black: never gonna happen. keep going
Remus Lupin: Next, just tell James what happened. Better he hears it from you now than later if it blows up
Sirius Black: or
Sirius Black: i tell no one anything and play dumb
Remus Lupin: Sirius, no
Sirius Black: great talk thanks for the advice remmy!!
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Lily Evans to Post Malone-ly Hearts Club Band: so i saw something i wasn’t supposed to see
Marlene McKinnon: don’t worry we’ve all seen sirius’s penis once or twice. it’s what happens when he insists on airdrying for 45 minutes after ever shower
Lily Evans: what no it wasn’t sirius’s penis
Lily Evans: how many times have you seen his penis marlene???
Marlene McKinnon: i plead the fifth
Lily Evans: we live in england???
Dorcas Meadowes: so what did you see?
Lily Evans: right so i logged onto james’s icloud
Marlene McKinnon: does sirius just give his password to everyone??
Dorcas Meadowes: pretty much
Mary Macdonald: yeah i’ve had it for a while
Lily Evans: and i was gonna send sirius some racy texts because i always make fun of him for secretly being in love with sirius
Dorcas Meadowes: don’t know that it’s that much of a secret
Lily Evans: but the most recent convo they had was james saying he thinks he might be in love with me??
Mary Macdonald: omg!!!!!
Marlene McKinnon: gross
Marlene McKinnon: but like yay
Dorcas Meadowes: have you two not said it to each other yet?? you’re practically married!!
Lily Evans: i was maybe gonna tell him on our valentines date tomorrow
Mary Macdonald: well then this is good! you know he feels the same way!!
Marlene McKinnon: any idiot with a pair of eyes, functioning or non-functioning, knows that james loves you lils
Lily Evans: okay. yes. you’re right. this is good. this is exciting!!
Lily Evans: omg i’m in love!!
Lily Evans: and i’m not gonna tell james i saw that convo because i don’t want to make things weird
Dorcas Meadowes: fair
Lily Evans: but i’m also not gonna say anything to sirius because he’s probs freaking out a bit and he deserves to sweat
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Sirius Black to Bringing Specs-y Back: u know i love u rite
Sirius Black: like ur my best friend forever
James Potter to Unvaccinated Until 16: um yeh
James Potter: love u too but like i am dating lily
James Potter: if thats where this is going
Sirius Black: ew gross no ur not my type at all
James Potter: okay rude
Sirius Black: just wanted to make sure u knew!!
James Potter: my brain is telling me to be suspicious but its valentines day so im gonna let this slide in the name of brotherly love
Sirius Black: good idea
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Dorcas Meadowes to Single Pringles: so meeting at the bar at 8?
Remus Lupin: Yep!
Marlene McKinnon: rem we have some hot goss for you
Remus Lupin: I also have some “hot goss” as the kids say
Dorcas Meadowes: is yours about sirius being an idiot
Remus Lupin: We have the exact same gossip don’t we?
Marlene McKinnon: we need to expand our friend group jfc
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James Potter to Make Fun of James For Having Airpods: lily said she loves me!!!
Sirius Black: omg what an exciting outcome from this night that i totally only thought would go well
Peter Pettigrew: congratz!!
Remus Lupin: Well done!
Remus Lupin: You said it back right?
James Potter: um of course i did remus how rude of you to ask
Sirius Black: u started crying when she told u and couldnt actually get the words out for like 5 minutes, didnt u
James Potter: were u spying on us??
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Lily Evans to Galentines: james and i are officially in love!!!!!!
Mary Macdonald: OMG YAY!!!!
Dorcas Meadowes: congrats! proud of you 2 kids
Marlene McKinnon: how hard did james cry when you told him
Lily Evans: so very very hard. made quite the scene in the restaurant. but we got free dessert from it because he told the waiter it was because the food was too spicy
Marlene McKinnon: he’s literally been eating spicy food his whole life?? like that’s his mum’s specialty??
Mary Macdonald: what was he having?
Lily Evans: spaghetti and meatballs
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Sirius Black to Future Big Brother Contestants: hello all. the time has come. see you in an hour. make sure not to throw off my groove ;)
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Marlene McKinnon: you’re kuzco??? that’s…. too perfect actually
James Potter: see! you didn’t need me!! brilliant costume m8
Dorcas Meadowes: you won’t be the only disney character tonight ;)
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Marlene McKinnon: LESBIAN ICON DORCAS MEADOWES AS LESBIAN ICON ELSA!!! WE STAN!!!
Remus Lupin: This is so sad. Alexa, play Despacito
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Lily Evans: SHUT UP YOU LOOK JUST LIKE JEFF BEZOS
Mary Macdonald: that’s freaky omg you have his lazy eye down to a tee
Peter Pettigrew: oh ya we hav very different costumes
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James Potter: are you a fetus?????
Dorcas Meadowes: omg wtf
Peter Pettigrew: im a naked mole rat
Sirius Black: absolute legend. i'll give you 10 quid if u manage to get laid in that costume 2night
Marlene McKinnon: and now i’ll reveal my costume. first one to get it gets one of my beers
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Dorcas Meadowes: okay you’re dressed like young donna from mamma mia 2 (here we go again)
Remus Lupin: But you have red hair and glasses like James…
Mary Macdonald: YOU’RE LILY JAMES
Mary Macdonald: BUT LIKE BOTH THE CELEBRITY AND OUR FRIENDS
Marlene McKinnon: we have a winner!!!
Lily Evans: honestly can’t say anything other than that i’m flattered
Sirius Black: the glasses dont look quite silly enough but a solid pun. well done
James Potter: rude
Lily Evans: (he’s not wrong)
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James Potter to Girl Who Loves Me: hey whered you go
Lily Evans to Spicy Spaghetti: popped to tesco with sirius to pick up some more tequila
Lily Evans: why?
James Potter: just missed you. think you should maybe leave your human boyfriend for me
Lily Evans: good thing i’m into bee-stiality
James Potter: god that was such a brilliant pun
James Potter: youre so brilliant
James Potter: im so glad were in love <3
Lily Evans: i’m so glad we’re in love too :) <3