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Who knew?
It was so sudden it would’ve been a surprise if anyone saw it coming.
Who knew that out of all of them, the first to go would be Kise; that the brightest of them all had to succumb to the shadows sooner.
No one knew and that’s why everyone had suddenly withdrawn themselves.
Aomine though, was in a tighter spot.
He didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to know what happened. To think that in a blink of an eye, the person he’d held closest to him is now gone, not just for a two-day photoshoot or a summer camp, but forever.
The only person he would’ve held on forever to was now gone, his foundations and everything he held on to crumbling, shattering like his heart.
The news came too soon, so sudden. He wasn’t ready for it, no one was. Neither was anyone so willing to accept the fact.
Suddenly, everyone’s lives got a shade darker. The sun that shone on everyone, that stuck them like glue was suddenly too far, too gone to be found and to be felt.
It was given that it would take days for any of the miracles to actually find some sort of comfort after the fiasco. But somehow, they were all able to the ceremony; all of them polished in black suits and crestfallen expressions.
Out of all of them, somehow only Kuroko and Akashi were able to communicate with Kise’s family. Akashi had seemed fine but his eyes had shown a miserable glaze and Kuroko’s blue eyes were tinged red from crying.
It was a very quiet affair. Condolences passed around, whispered with a pat or a solemn squeeze of the hand. Aomine had preferred observing from a distance. Kise’s sisters were obviously devastated; eyes puffy and red even through the effort of concealing with makeup. Even his mother had obviously been going through a lot. Kise’s father stood tall but with an air of loss and mourning.
“It’s been some time now since I last met up with Kise-kun. I would’ve never expected it to be in an event like this though.” Through the time Aomine spent merely watching the people; Kuroko had joined him in his little alienated space.
“No one knew, you know. No one expected it.” He had replied quietly. Kuroko simply hums in reply. There wasn’t really much to say and to be honest, Kise had been in charge of the talking all those years back anyway. With the talkative blonde gone, it seemed as if everyday would be as silent as the day they mourned for the sudden loss.
After the burial, Aomine had stayed back, preferring to sit by the tombstone, staring at the words etched on the stone; Kise’s name and the years he had spent walking the earth. And even staring at that proof, Aomine just felt as if so much has been left yet to be said.
It was like having all your defenses set up, only to know the war’s been cancelled.
It was like knowing all the answers to a pop quiz but running out of time.
It was a race with time and emotions that he simply could not win.
“It’s really quiet without you. I never thought I would ever miss your endless blabber.” But that was a lie because he always missed Kise’s voice. It was a lie because he still sometimes calls Kise’s phone just to hear his voice messages. Oh, how he would give anything to hear Kise’s voice again.
Aomine sighs, leaning against the stone, marveling at the orange sky, dusk approaching. The sun was setting.
“Remember talking about our future, how we’d find our own flat and how we’d live out our dreams together? Yeah, maybe I’ll find a way to do that. It’s gonna be lonely without you there though.” It’s another lie because since the day Kise went gone and done, he couldn’t dream, not a single night was he able to sleep. Because dreaming was supposed to be done with Kise beside him, with Kise somehow dreaming with him.
And he just couldn’t do it. Not when he knew the first thing he’ll dream of would be Kise’s smiling face and how he would talk about nonsensical topics. He would see those bright amber eyes, the quirky faces and the lips he could never resist. He’d dream about the way Kise leaves burning trails on his skin when he touches him. He would reminisce the days and nights they spent together, the ups and the downs, and everything in between that always made him fall in love with Kise all over again.
He would simply dream about everything he could no longer have.
“I’m done crying over you, you know. I’m pretty sure you’d want me to stop sulking so much if you were here. If only you were here…”
Aomine stares up the sky again, breathing in the scent of grass and the cold autumn air. The orange’s been tinged with strings of purple; tell-tale signs of the coming night. Aomine sighs and gets up, staring down at the tombstone once again.
“If you were here, I’d probably be on my knees in front of you, asking you to stay with me forever.”
It was a bitter truth. He’d been planning to propose that very day. It would’ve been the best anniversary gift.
“You’d probably cry. Heck, you’d probably start sobbing even before I got the box open. But hey, look at the irony, I’m the one crying.” Somehow, the heat had suddenly come up Aomine’s eyes and the tears would not be so easily shaken away.
“It would be a waste if I don’t give this to you anyway.” Aomine fishes out a golden band out of his pocket and places it beside the flowers.
“It’s for you anyway. Take it as my peace offering for not bringing flowers.” It’s his attempt at humor. Something to hopefully minimize the amount of tears he’s spilling out. Maybe even bring out a chuckle.
“And take it as a sign that yes, I am still so very much in love with you. Kise Ryouta, you are the sunshine that left my days burning and vivid. And I love you. The fact that you aren’t here with me anymore does not and will never change that.”
And at last, he takes a deep breath and exhales as if he’s trying to push the shards of his broken heart out through his lungs. He’s still shaky but the sky’s mostly dark, only slivers of orange left. It was time he left.
And with the sun’s setting, Aomine leaves.
He leaves with all that he has left to live with and leaves knowing that at least, he was able to say what he’s meant to say.
I love you.