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Tony still can’t believe that James had agreed to go out with him. He was even more surprised by that he’d asked Tony out for a second date. That he’d looked at Tony all soft and shy, worry in his eyes and asked him, “Would you like to go out again, sometime soon?” Tony had said yes before he even knew it and the kiss they shared afterwards reminded him why he was alive.
So now here the faithful day was, their second date and Tony was definitely nervous.
James had told him he didn’t have to dress up, so he was in a pair of blueish slacks, with a black shirt and a grey vest, currently wrapped around his middle. He’s currently also pacing around his floor worrying his bottom lip as he walks the length of the sofa and back again.
“If you keep going like that you’re going to wear a hole into the floor doll,” someone says from behind him and Tony jumps. When he turns he knows he’ll be met by the sight of James but it still leaves him breathless.
James is wearing black jeans, skinny ones and the way they hug his calves and thighs should be illegal. Tony’s mouth is starting to go dry. With it, he’s wearing a black button-up with a light smattering of polka dots on it and over that he’s got his leather jacket. Tony knows that James knows how weak he is to that leather jacket. His hair is up in a man bun and Tony is aware that he’s staring but all higher brain function has been replaced with, ‘hnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg’ and some rather explicit thinking.
James chuckles and the sound breaks Tony out of his stupor.
“If I want to wear a hole in the floor I will do so, you’re not the boss of me,” Tony says but he knows he’s blushing and still half taking in James’ form so his words don’t carry any weight whatsoever.
Sometimes he hates pretty super soldiers.
James laughs again and Tony tuts, “Well, Super Soldier, take me out. Time’s a-wastin’.”
“Patience darlin’,” James says and leads him towards the elevator, his arm slung around Tony’s waist.
Tony remembers seeing James for the first time after Siberia. Frozen in cryo, looking asleep. When there’s a slight difference between the two states. Then he’d been a stupid idiot and helped Shuri and T’Challa with building him an arm and breaking his programming.
Tony was already in deep when James arrived on American soil. His futile attempts at keeping his distance failed once he started calling Barnes James and before he knew it he’d developed a crush. A crush that wouldn’t go away at all.
James’ Brooklyn twang came out to play every once in a while and Tony was weak. It wasn’t Captain America that had given Tony his sexual awakening but the Star-Spangled man’s best friend. Any time he’d looked at James he’d had flashbacks to himself at age fifteen jerking off to pictures of James Buchanan Barnes in his military uniform. Imagining every little thing that teen Tony had wanted James to do to him.
Seeing the man murder strutting around his home now, he was aware he never stood a chance.
He’d been doomed before any of this even started.
He offered to do maintenance on James’ arm and then when James had the audacity to accept his offer Tony felt personally attacked whenever James Barnes murder-strutted into his workshop with a purpose. He planted himself on a chair and Tony talked to him and at him through the entirety of their maintenance sessions. After a while, James started talking back.
Tony had never thought he would fall for the bits of Russian and Romanian, never thought he would fall for a Brooklyn brawl and a killer smile, a strut that instilled fear in all who saw it. Never thought he’d be so glad about someone else in his space, with his bots and his inventions.
He never thought he could fall. Period. Not like this. Yet there he’d been. Going against expectations once again.
This time it might even have been for the better.
For their second date, James takes him to a quaint little restaurant. It serves a range of foods but its speciality is Romanian cuisine. When they’re seated at a relatively private table at the back of the restaurant James smiles at him sheepishly.
“I wasn’t sure what we could do, JARVIS told me you like trying out different types of foods so I figured I’d take you here. My momma was Romanian,” he exhales slowly on the ‘was’, “she used to make a lot of the dishes on the menu for my sisters, Stevie and I. I’m a shit cook so I figured I’d give you something quality.”
James mumbled a little in certain parts of his sentence and averted his gaze when Steve’s name came up but his sincerity showed in the way his fingers fidgeted and he kept on looking Tony in the eyes and then breaking eye contact as if he was scared or worried.
“I’m all in,” Tony said and he tried to smile in a way that would seem reassuring. It worked because James relaxed slowly but steadily. The waiter came and James ordered in fluid Romanian, making Tony’s heart flutter a little.
This was to be the start of a wonderful evening.
Tony had thought he’d left heated kissing in an elevator behind when he became Iron Man but James was thoroughly proving him wrong. The kisses were warm and filled Tony’s head with fuzzy feelings. He groaned when James sucked on his bottom lip and rucked James’ shirt up to caress the bare skin of his sides as he returned the favour.
It was all good, so very good and Tony was kind of excited to reach the penthouse and possibly see what else James could do with his mouth. Tony wanted to know what James’ skin felt like against his, he wanted to know what other sounds he could wring from James’ kiss-swollen lips.
He wanted, he wanted, he wanted .
That’s when the elevator doors opened. Tony and James were still locking lips, too focused on each other to realise that this wasn’t the penthouse floor as they tried to move out of the elevator without losing any contact. They only realised something was wrong when Tony bumped into someone.
He disconnected himself from James and realised that the person he’d bumped into was Steve. Who looked two seconds away from murdering Tony in cold blood and scolding James for being anywhere within Tony’s vicinity.
“Steve,” Tony says and he hates how out of breath he sounds. He hates that he hadn’t called him Rogers. He hates that he’s let weakness and vulnerability show in front of this man. The man who had known his insecurities before and used them against him, made use of them to reach his own end. For Steve, the end had always justified the means, even when it came to Tony. His supposed friend.
“Stark.” He can feel the tremor starting in his left arm and he tries his best not to flinch but from the way, James grips his hand something must have been conveyed.
“Steve,” James says and the way that Steve’s eyes focus on James intensely and with such love kind of knocks the breath from Tony’s lungs. There had always been speculations about Steve and his Bucky and their love for each other. James might have told Tony that they had never been together but in these moments when he sees the love and longing in Steve’s eyes Tony understands why people made these assumptions.
“Bucky,” Steve says and the name sounds like a prayer. James grimaces at the name and Tony pulls himself together.
“Rogers, how’d you stop the elevator? I asked JARVIS to take James and me straight to the penthouse,” Tony says and his voice is razor sharp. Internally it’s as if he’s walking on the edge, not yet plummeting but completely capable of seeing the mad descent into hell that awaits.
“I saw you and Bucky leave earlier but your AI didn’t let us leave the building, I figured I’d wait. You haven’t revoked some of my access codes and even if you had I would have tried to get to you anyway. I knew - I’ve known that you’re a bad apple Stark. That you’re nowhere near as good of a man as Howard was but this,” Steve gestures between Tony and James, “This is taking it too far. Bucky just came back from Wakanda and you tried to kill him. I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re playing but I want you to stop or I’ll do something about it.”
Tony clasps his hands behind his back and presses his palms against each other. He’s taken a step in front of James and he goes to speak, to hurl some words and Rogers that he won’t listen to anyway. To - a small part of himself that looks suspiciously like a four-year-old admits - try and make Steve understand so he’ll be liked, appreciated, loved. Because apparently, he’s still seeking validation from his father and his father’s creations. Tony’s ready this time though. He has his words and he’s somewhat regained his composure and he’s not that little kid anymore. No one can tear him down. He’s Tony fucking Stark, He’s Iron Man. He’s a phoenix who’s arisen from the ashes over and over again.
(He’s so tired.)
He’s already opening his mouth, already forming words, already trying to think of all the ways he can speak so it’ll hurt.
James beats him to it.
“What the fuck Stevie,” he bites out and all Tony can see is how Steve perks up at the use of the nickname.
“I can make my own fucking decisions. Whatever the fuck I do and with whom is none of your concern and for the last fucking time. My name is James,” The Winter Soldier drips from the last words and Tony can almost see the icy fingers that are holding Steve’s heart, they’re flexing and ready to crush.
“But Buck I-,” James moves too fast for Tony to stop him, and even if Tony tried he’d probably break something in the process. He decked Steve in the face with the metal arm, Tony could hear the crunch of bones breaking and the low hum of the recalibrating plates.
“My name is James,” James repeats and there are hatred and regret and every bad and unhappy feeling stuffed into those words. Steve is bleeding on the ground. James turns around and walks back into the elevator. Tony can’t do anything but follow and ask JARVIS to take them up to the penthouse.
Tony is unsure of how to do this, ‘this’ being comforting James. The soldier had recoiled inside himself once they reached the penthouse and sat on the couch with his knees up to his chest. Tony had sat down next to him but he was unsure if touching James would really be a good idea in the current moment and he was at a loss for words. He had nothing.
There’s a first time for everything apparently.
They sit together for a while first. There’s a distance between them.
Tony lets James pick the pace. He doesn’t scoot over or try to touch James, he sits still. Stiller than many people probably think he’s capable of. He waits James out, doesn’t know how long it takes. Could have been minutes or hours but slowly James leans against him. First, he leans closer. Pressing his side to Tony’s and then time passed and James put his hand in Tony’s. Tony squeezes but doesn’t do anything more.
Sometime later James rests his head on Tony’s shoulder and Tony can hear the slightest irregularity in his breathing indicating that James is crying.
“Thanks for defending me out there,” Tony says after a while and his voice is too hoarse for his own liking. “I didn’t need defending per se but I appreciate it anyway Snowflake.” Tony tries to have his usual humour seep back into his voice but it’s not working and all James does is hold Tony tighter.
They huddle close on the couch and it doesn’t take much longer before Tony can lead James to his bedroom. They lay under the covers. James head on Tony’s chest. Tony running his fingers through the long strands of James’ hair.
“Tell me something,” James says after a while, “Anything at all.”
Tony inhales deeply and his breath shudders when he exhales.
“My father had always wanted me to be more like Steve when I was younger. The hero worship that I developed because of that wasn’t too bad at first but I invalidated myself because of it, then the worship turned to resentment and invalidation turned into self-destruction. When my parents died,”
James took a sharp breath and Tony shushes him, squeezes his hand and kisses his forehead.
“When my parents died, I had nothing left to care about. Not really, especially not myself. Rhodey, Jarvis and Stane got me through a lot back then. I met Pepper and Happy and Jarvis died but I build JARVIS and I still had the other bots. I thought nothing could break me after that. But Afghanistan happened and Yinsen died and Stane betrayed me. After that, I met my worst nightmare, because I’d never stopped hoping that I could one day beat Captain America. The little boy inside me still wanted to make my dad proud. Steve shattered that little boy and my hope to be a good person.”
James made a noise at that but Tony shushes him again.
“Jamie, the story isn’t over yet. You’ve gotta listen to it all the way tesoro . So, where was I, uhm-”
“Meeting Steve,” James said.
“Oh yes, of course,” Tony pressed a kiss to James' forehead, “So yeah, I didn’t believe in myself to be a good person. Then Ultron happened and I lost JARVIS and got FRIDAY but then got Vision and got JARVIS back and no one trusted me anymore. I felt like I had to repent for everything all the time and Bruce wasn’t with me anymore. Then the Accords came and Siberia. God, Siberia .” Tony says the word like it’s his worst nightmare and now it’s James’ turn to comfort him.
“I’ve got it. I can - Siberia. After Siberia, I was a shell for a while. I couldn’t talk and JARVIS and FRIDAY basically did everything for me with my input, of course. They contacted the New Avengers and talked to the Accords council because I just couldn’t get my mouth to move and I was in hospital for a while anyway. But I healed in that time, I had time for healing and when you guys returned I could look Rogers in the eyes and it didn’t feel like I was facing my father’s disappointment anymore.”
Tony cupped James’ face and stroked his cheeks.
“You have to give it time too James. Time heals all wounds, and if not all many. Rogers has been part of who you are for so long, he’s always been such a huge part of your identity but nowadays you look at him and can’t see the person he thinks you are reflected within yourself anymore. That’s understandable. You’re someone different Jamie. You have to reinvent yourself and Rogers might not be a part of that and realising that, losing your anchor like that, is incredibly upsetting. I know. I know . But you’re James Buchanan Barnes, a Sergeant, a sniper, the Winter Soldier. You fight and keep going and I believe in you. I believe that you can do this. I believe that you can do anything you put your mind to.”
Tony tilts James’ head up. Looks him deep in his blue eyes and says, “ I believe in you .”
James tears up again at that and Tony wipes his tears away, kisses below his eyes and then presses a soft, sweet kiss to his mouth.
They stay like that and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
The following morning when James and Tony come down to the common floor, the Rogues are waiting for them. James is in a tank top and Tony is wearing James’ shirt, it’s too big and hanging off his frame.
They’re holding hands as they walk out of the elevator and are too preoccupied with each other to pay the Rogues any mind.
Rogers tries to talk to them but they ignore him. He goes as far as to try and touch Tony and rip him away but James purposefully moves the plates of his metal arm. Let’s them slide closed and make a purposeful calibrating noise as he makes a fist.
Rogers backs off and Tony and James go back up to the penthouse with zero issues.