Archive of Our Own

2018

Baekhyun wakes up with the buzz of the alarm clock. He hates that sound but it doesn’t mean he hates waking up. He loves morning and everything about it. He likes stretching after zoning out for a minute whenever he wakes up. He also likes standing up to fix his bed. He likes zoning out again for another minute before he goes to his bathroom and look at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes are always uneven after he woke up and it never fails to amuse him. He likes his mouthwash because Kenji hates morning breath and Baekhyun cannot kiss him good morning with one.

Kenji is his 8-year-old son. Baekhyun always wakes him up first before preparing their breakfast. Kenji also has the habit of zoning out after he wakes up and Baekhyun thinks it’s adorable to have the same morning routine with his son. Well, it’s just always the two of them together, so it’s inevitable for Kenji to adapt Baekhyun’s habits, behaviors and personality.

Like Baekhyun, he’s always in the good mood.

“Good morning.” Baekhyun greets hims with a soft voice.

Kenji is still half asleep with only one eye open that’s looking at Baekhyun while he hugs his pillow. The sun is already out and the light already fills Kenji’s room. That must’ve been the reason why he can’t recognize Baekhyun yet. Though it only takes him a minute before Kenji blinks a few times then both his eyes start to open. Baekhyun smiles at him, running his fingers through the soft hair of his son. Then Kenji smiles back when he realizes it’s Baekhyun.

“Hi” Kenji says with his little voice.

Baekhyun had Kenji when he was just 27. Baekhyun was with Chanyeol back then. It was an unfortunate event that brought Kenji to them. Baekhyun’s cousin died after giving birth to Kenji so they decided to adopt him. It's also the reason why most features of Kenji are similar with Baekhyun. He also has cute small eyes that are even smaller whenever he laughs, cry or just woke up. Kenji has a button nose too but Baekhyun thinks Kenji’s are much better and cuter than his. He also has cute little lips and fingers. The only difference between them is Kenji’s curly hair, which only made him more adorable. The two of them really look like father and son.

Baekhyun lays beside Kenji on his side when Kenji wraps his arms around his father's waist. He yawned, stretching his little lips before burying his face on Baekhyun’ chest.

“Still sleepy honey?”

Kenji hums and nods. He is also clingy like Baekhyun. Which Baekhyun doesn’t mind because he adores Kenji so much. His son shaped him to what he is today. Looking back from what he was years ago, he’s a totally different person who knows nothing about responsibility and consideration. He’s rather too independent back then that he also only cared for himself. Which makes Kenji the reason for everything he is today. He would do anything for his son.

Baekhyun gives him a few more minutes to sleep before he wakes him up fully. As much as he wants to let Kenji rest more, his son needs to learn too. Though unlike every other kid, Kenji doesn’t whine, cry or throw a tantrum when asked to wake up for school. Rather, he’s cheerful even when tired. He loves coming to school or even just going out.

He cooks breakfast while Kenji puts on his clothes--which Baekhyun prepared--to save time. Baekhyun likes to train him slowly of everything he needs to know, one of that is grooming himself. Kenji also learns fast which brings Baekhyun no trouble at all.

Soon enough Baekhyun hears hurried steps from the stairs. Kenji comes running down already wearing his pants, shoes and shirt, only that it is unbuttoned. He’s shouting about aliens and some sound effects of guns from a movie. He’s also ducking and running around pretending to be on a war with his towel. Though Baekhyun loves his cheerfulness, he’s still not quite a fan of his son’s hyperactivity.

“Kenji, what do I say about running down the stairs?” Baekhyun says as he prepares the table.

“No running down the stairs, I might fall and lose a tooth or hit my head and forget about dad.” Kenji shouts, still running around their living room.

Their house is big for only the two of them. Though he and Chanyeol bought it years ago thinking they could build a really big family in it. Maybe 4 or 5 children but after what happened and he’s left with Kenji, he’s not hoping for that big family anymore. It’s alright if their house is a little bit spacious for just the two of them--Kenji needs it anyway, he loves running around--there’s also Baekhyun’s friends, Jongin who comes nearly everyday to spend some time with them. Then there’s Junmyeon and Yixing and their children who are as energetic as Kenji. There are also his parents who never fail to come every week to make sure Baekhyun and his son are well fed. So the space inside their house are very much used.

“Then why do you still do it?” Baekhyun says. He’s not the kind of parent to shout on his child just to teach him a lesson.

He motions for Kenji to sit down with him on their dining area and start eating some breakfast. Kenji stops running around and follows his father, catching his breath after all the ducking and running.

“Because the humans are trying to catch me.” Kenji says loudly, it could be heard outside their house even with his small voice.

Baekhyun chuckles but sigh after a second when he noticed his son’s unbuttoned shirt. He points his finger on Kenji’s shirt just as his son is about to sit. Kenji looks down before remembering he didn’t button his shirt. He looks back up at Baekhyun then smiles.

“I’m sorry” Kenji smiles apologetically at Baekhyun before fixing his shirt.

They start eating breakfast and as usual, Kenji is in his usual talkative self. Just like every meals they have together, Kenji talks about his day and everything that happens in his school. Sometimes he runs out of stories to tell and start talking about random things, he even talk about his feelings and ask questions about Baekhyun. There will never be a silent moment when Baekhyun’s with him and Baekhyun is just so happy to have Kenji like that.

In the middle of their meal and when Kenji’s stories brought up Jongin --his favorite uncle, as told by him-- Baekhyun remembers something he needs to ask Kenji.

“Kenji, dad needs to ask you something.” Baekhyun cuts off Kenji’s story.

“Okay, shoot!” Kenji responds and Baekhyun is surprised for a moment because of his son’s words. He never taught him that, maybe it came from Jongin and maybe he will regret what he’s just about to say.

“Well, is it fine if dad won’t be home later for dinner?” Baekhyun says. Kenji glances at him after he drank some milk, so now he stares at Baekhyun with a straight face and a white line on top of his lips while his curls are all over his head. He looks so adorable, Baekhyun sometimes can’t believe he’s real.

“It’s fine, it’s not the first time anyway. Why? What’s the occasion?” Kenji says and goes back eating his pancakes. Baekhyun chuckles and goes back on eating too as he speak.

“Well, dad’s going on a date.” Baekhyun says. Kenji swallows his food first before responding.

“A date? I thought you’re dating uncle Jongin.” Kenji says making Baekhyun laugh.

“No honey, uncle Jongin is just a friend.” he says.

Kenji shrugs then picks on his food. “Well, you look like you are.”

Baekhyun only laughs and ruffles his son’s hair who’s sitting right next to him. Kenji really is an observer, he’s not wrong when he said Baekhyun and Jongin look like they are dating. It’s not impossible and they also had a history back when they were still in college. Jongin is even the reason why he met Chanyeol. Baekhyun guesses they are just really meant to be friends. Because until now they kept in touch and are still very close. Jongin has always been there from the start. He’s really caring and considerate, and most importantly, Kenji likes him.

It’s not just Jongin, Baekhyun kept in touch with from college. There’s Junmyeon who’s really different 15 years ago. He and Baekhyun didn’t get along well at first but Baekhyun is really sociable and can handle any type of person. Junmyeon kind of changed along the way too, he’s now this conservative guy who’s worse than a strict mother. And that’s because of his spouse, Yixing.

Baekhyun have gone through a lot, years ago, and now he’s just so happy of how he is and how they are right now. He’s contented with Kenji, his friends, family and his job. He’s happy he’s back to the way he used to be, sociable, talkative and so full of energy.

He finished his work at 6 in the evening which gave him half an hour to get to the restaurant where he is meeting his date. It’s actually a blind date his co-worker Jin set up for him. It is the first time he’s going on a blind date but it is not the first time he went on a date after being a widower.

He realized it 2 years ago, how he’s still young and life shouldn’t stop after everything that happened. So he started dating again, it brought some malicious comments from relatives -- specially from Chanyeol’s -- but it never really bothered him. He went out on dates and sometimes not just a single date. But he just can’t seem to find someone he could like. They’re all great but, it just didn’t felt right. Then there’s Sehun who he went out with for months, but things weren’t just on the right place. Baekhyun can pretend and not say it but he knows the reason why all those dates wouldn’t work, and he can never hide it.

_

He arrived at the place right on time, 6:30 pm. Not too eager but also not too careless. He doesn’t know what this man looks like, but at least he knows his name, Jung Daehyun. He just hoped the hostess would take him to the right man.

Soon enough he’s in front of a table with man smiling at him so brightly. He’s attractive but looks a little young for Baekhyun. The hostess left them when Daehyun stood up and helped him with his chair. They also exchanged greetings with Baekhyun also smiling as wide as his.

Baekhyun breathes out after they’re both settled with their chairs. Their smiles start to lessen a little bit, afraid of their faces aching. Baekhyun also starts looking clearly at Daehyun. Jin is not wrong when he said that this man is attractive. He just hopes his personality isn’t the opposite.

“Hi! I’m Jung Daehyun nice to finally meet you.” Daehyun says, offering his hand. On someone else’s point of view, shaking hands looks like they’re are here for business but his lovely smile is back which brought romantic aura around them.

“Park Baekhyun, nice to meet you too. Why? Have you heard of me?” Baekhyun asks. He doesn’t know why, but it’s already a habit to call himself Park. He doesn’t even know if it’s still right to call himself that when he’s out on a date with somebody else.

“Uhm yes, from Jin your co-worker. He’s my friend and has been talking about you. And from his stories, I can’t help but get interested with you, Is that fine? I’m really happy he finally set this date up.” Daehyun says rather bashfully. Making him really look young. That leads Baekhyun asking out of nowhere.

“How old are you?”

He heard what Daehyun just said with stories about him, but the man in front of him looks like a manchild. He’s got this physique but also has a baby face. He also looks a little bit shy, making Baekhyun wonder of his age and completely ignoring Daehyun’s attempt of flirting.

A lot of people say Baekhyun doesn’t look like his age. He’s already 35 but people still mistake him on his early 20’s and he’s very happy about that. Though it’s easy to know he’s a little bit older than 20’s, once you started to get to know him. He’s back from being talkative and all but the change is totally recognizable. He used to be impulsive and didn’t know when to stop. He guesses it’s just because of experiences. But then change is constant and everyone needs to accept that.

“Uhm, don’t worry i’m already 33. It’s you i’m worried about. Are you still in college?” Daehyun says making Baekhyun smile from amusement with the man’s smooth talking skills.

Baekhyun responded also smoothly. With Daehyun continuing it with some pick up lines, making Baekhyun laugh. They order some food then start to get to know each other. It actually went to sounding like an interview for a while but then again, Daehyun is showing how nice of a man he is and suddenly bringing up stories that are funny enough to make Baekhyun laugh but also to get to know him more.

Baekhyun responds as much as Daehyun speaks, showing how they really match and Baekhyun is now also happy that Jin arranged this date. He hasn’t gone out with anyone for months, he thinks he deserves this kind of dates once in a while.

Minutes turned hours and it’s almost midnight when they are still far from getting bored with each other. Turned out Daehyun had divorce, he doesn’t have a child and he’s an Architect. And from the last 5 hours they’ve been talking, they have the same interest and point of views regarding some topics Baekhyun is really interested with. Baekhyun also likes the way he stands up for what he believes --on some other topics-- that created a small debate between them. Other than that, jokes and flirting are constant, that just made the whole evening almost perfect.

They are in the middle of talking about exes and their voices aren’t as loud as it was when they were talking about ‘places they went’ earlier. The restaurant is also closing in 30 minutes but they still don’t have a plan to leave. Baekhyun has also checked on Kenji earlier and Jongin told him his son insisted a movie marathon but ended up asleep on the first movie. Jongin also told him not worry because he’ll be staying the night at Baekhyun’s so he can stay late as much as he wants.

“She knows that I know about her affair with my boss but I guess none of them really cared about what I felt.” Daehyun told him why he got divorced. It’s really a tragic one and kind of a novel like story but Baekhyun has been distracted almost half of the time Daehyun was telling the story. It’s because he’s afraid that when it’s time for him to tell his story, he might ruin the whole evening.

“I think you’re very brave to face them both but too kind for just bringing the divorce papers.” Baekhyun says. “Don’t you ever get mad? Like really mad you throw chairs on a wall?”

Daehyun laughs and Baekhyun chuckles. They’re the only ones left in the restaurant and it’s starting to get really quiet. So when Daehyun didn’t speak for a while, Baekhyun knew it’s his turn now.

“Well, how about you? You said you were married too?” Daehyun asks.

Then there’s like a lightning in Baekhyun stomach. He’s been avoiding telling this story for so long now that it really makes him nervous just thinking about telling it all over again. But also at the same time, he misses telling it. He misses reminiscing the old times. He misses telling the good old days. The good times. He misses Chanyeol.

“Yeah, I’m a widower.” Baekhyun says and smiles that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry” Daehyun stutters. For a grown man like him, he’s too shy. Which is ironic sometimes because he’s really charming.

“It’s fine. It’s been a long time. I already moved on.” Baekhyun says.

It has been 15 years when he first met Chanyeol. They attended the same university and didn’t know it at first. They became acquaintances because of some common friends. They saw each other around but never talked. That is until Baekhyun dated Jongin who was Chanyeol’s best friend. That was when they started hanging around and soon enough feelings are already involved. Jongin accepted them but not for a while, he didn’t to talk to neither Chanyeol nor Baekhyun for years. But they made up anyway, with Jongin on full support for both of them.

They got married when they were still 23. It was three years after they first met--or more like when they first talked to each other. They were whipped for each other. They were thriving. Their jobs were also so good that time, that so much opportunities were arriving. And when they were near their 30’s they decided to start a family. They adopted Kenji and was so happy. Baekhyun didn’t have a clue it would all end up this way.

Because 5 years after their marriage, Chanyeol got involved in an accident. There was a storm that day and he was rushing to get home to Baekhyun and Kenji. The site he came from were on the top of the hill. It was slippery and Chanyeol couldn’t see the road.

It broke Baekhyun, so much he’s in shock for two weeks. He was just staring at nothing. He’s not eating nor getting out of bed. His parents had to take Kenji away from him since the child was only a year old. His mother even had to help him take a shower or even just drink something. He was hospitalized for days. Then after a month he started to recover when his mother talked to him about Kenji. About how life doesn’t just revolve around himself anymore. It’s different when he’s already a parent.

He saw how precious Kenji that time. He started going out of the bed, eating something and even talking to people around him. He started to live again. There were times he had breakdowns, two years after the accident. He had breakdowns at night too, crying himself to sleep. But he needed to move on and do everything for Kenji. That’s when he decided to become a real parent. He did great with everything alone, sometimes with the help of his parents and friends. But everything for Kenji .

Now he’s doing fine. He doesn’t get breakdowns anymore. he‘s doing great with providing everything for Kenji, parenting Kenji and just simply going along with life. He doesn’t get those feelings anymore that life doesn’t have purpose. Or that he’ll never be happy again. He already forgot feeling so empty,alone and hopeless. He’s back on his feet and he’s very happy with Kenji and everything that’s happening right now.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss Chanyeol.

He told Daehyun everything and was so proud of himself when he finished it without breaking down. He finished it without ruining the night, or most likely Daehyun’s night. Because as soon as he finishes it and he saw the pity on Daehyun’s face. He felt his chest closing up, his head spinning and some tears threatening to spill.

Baekhyun coughs in order to hide what he’s feeling. The waiter says they have to leave anyway because the restaurant is already closing. He quickly wiped his mouth with a napkin and gathers his things. He didn’t notice Daehyun looking at him for being suddenly so fidgety and panicky because what he’s feeling is getting worse.

“I’m sorry, I got too caught up with my story and now the waiter is kicking us out. I’m really sorry.” Baekhyun apologizes. He’s still fidgety and and clumsy, he started to get the utensils fall from the table. He needs to do something in order to hide everything he’s feeling right now, because he knows he just triggered something inside him.

The place still has lights but his vision is starting to get blurry. His tie also started to feel tight around his neck that he cannot breathe anymore. He wants to get out of the place right now and out of Daehyun’s sight. He quickly got up from his chair but he did it so quick the chair fell down, making a huge noise inside the restaurant. Luckily they’re the only ones around.

Daehyun notices how tense Baekhyun got so he starts to say some comforting words to lighten the mood.

“Hey, don’t worry. I actually enjoy listening to you. I really enjoyed the evening.” Daehyun says, following Baekhyun and standing up too.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun says trying to pick up the chair.

“Yes, i’ve actually been meaning to ask you this but can we do this again?” Daehyun says, also helping Baekhyun pick the things that fell on the floor because of Baekhyun.

Baekhyun stopped for a moment to look at Daehyun. He’s surprised to hear that from him but he doesn’t know what he’s thinking right now or what is going out of his mouth.

“Alright”

Daehyun smiled with his response.

“Great. I had so much fun tonight. Can you believe it’s already 2am? We got here in July 31 and now it’s August.” Daehyun jokes.

If it were like the earlier jokes he told, Baekhyun would have laughed. He’s a terrific guy after all. But what surprises him more was what Daehyun said. It’s the 1st of august. How can he forgot?

Out of all the jokes Daehyun could’ve said, he really said something to remind Baekhyun of the date.

Is it the reason why this date got him to tell the whole story again? Is that why he needs to remember everything again? Is that why he’s been missing him again?

It’s his death anniversary. It has been 7 years since Chanyeol died.

_

How can Baekhyun forget when Chanyeol never really left his mind? When it’s still been haunting him after all these years. Because he might be doing great right now, he might be happy now and he might have already forgotten all the pain and misery , but Baekhyun still and will always have a piece of Chanyeol within him.

He part ways with Daehyun as soon as they got out of the restaurant. Daehyun might have even noticed how hurried his steps was, but he didn’t care. He gets inside a convenience store and buy some booze. Everything went pouring out as soon as he was out of Daehyun’s sight. He was shaking as he sobbed on the street. He was pulling his hair and everything was spinning. All because he remembered him again. He remembered how he was left alone in this world with a child. How he was left still hoping Chanyeol wasn’t dead. How he was left alone thinking he could still have the life he dreamt with the only person he wanted it to build with.

How until now, he hasn’t really moved on. Everything’s a lie . He’s hiding behind a smile on his face. He’s hiding behind every laugh. He’s hiding the torture he feels everyday.

But he loves his son more than himself. He can never show it and never will. He cannot show Kenji how miserable he is. He cannot hurt his son too.

A reason why he cannot come home in that state. Jongin might see him and then send him back to a therapist. Kenji might see and discover about his other father who left them. The child doesn’t know about anything. He was still an infant when Baekhyun became insane before.

Baekhyun doesn’t notice the weird look the man behind the counter gives him when he gulps a can of beer for only a few seconds. He grabs the rest of the booze he bought and goes straight out of the convenience store.

He doesn’t know what he’s thinking but that’s what he wants. He doesn’t want to think about Chanyeol anymore. He doesn’t want to remember him anymore. He wants to forget him for a little while. That’s why he bought booze so that he can pass out and remove the pain for a little while. But he doesn’t know why he’s on his way to the columbarium.

On his fourth can of beer, raindrops start to fall as he walks on the street. It doesn’t bother him of course. He just kept walking and drinking. Until it starts to pour, like his tears right now.

“Why does it always rain on August 1st?!” Baekhyun shouts.

There’s only cars and no people around since it’s already past midnight. It’s a good thing since Baekhyun doesn’t really like showing this kind of himself to people. He doesn’t want them to see how weak he is. How he’s thoroughly and slowly breaking. He can never show the truth.

He arrived at the columbarium with lighting and thunder on the sky. It looks like he’s in a horror movie and anyone would have been so afraid to be in a columbarium past midnight while it’s storming. But Baekhyun doesn’t feel anything besides pain, besides missing Chanyeol. He’s been so busy with life, with his job, with finding someone and yet there’s not a night his late husband isn’t in his mind. Even the nights he’s with somebody else.

He finishes all of his booze and sit in front of Chanyeol’s stone. He’s a mess with his shirt half unbuttoned, with his discarded coat, disheveled hair and tear stained face.

His vision is failing him but he still sees the small picture of Chanyeol on the stone.

“ You …” Anyone can hear the frustration, the tiredness and the sorrow from Baekhyun’s voice with a single word.

The things he wants to say to Chanyeol are countless and yet he can’t seem to let out even a single question. How could he? When he knows no one would be answering him anyway. When he knows it’s useless the moment it leaves his mouth.

But he wants to let everything go.

He wants to start anew. He wants to move on. He wants to be free, but how can he do that?

“How? How do I unlove you?” it doesn’t just hurt inside when he said it, but it also hurt physically. “You come around, stealing me away from your best friend. Making this whole rom-com love story for us. Making me believe we already have our happy ending but ruin it the last minute.

It’s unfair how you are resting there while i’m here still caged by the memories I had with you. I don’t even know what you wanted before you left. You left so quick, so unexpected, so... painfully . I didn’t even knew what to do. How do you expect me to recover? How do you expect me to go on with life when all those years I thought i’d do it with you? That until now I still think about what if you never left? What if you never got into that car? Should I still continue this life? Did you want this?”

Baekhyun sobs with each sentence. Choking with his own words. Yet, with all the words he said, it still didn’t do justice on how he’s really feeling. How much it weighs in him, he could explode. All this time he has been carrying that weight while acting like he’s happy. Masking every bit of pain inside him. All this years, he can’t seem to learn.

“I miss you so much you know? You, your laugh, your tragic sense of humor, your stories, your habits. I miss the way you care so much for other people, you can never be independent. I miss the way you get upset on such simple things that involves animals. I miss the way you treasure every person in your life. I miss the way you see things. How the cup is always half full. You’re so positive, so nice, so kind. No one can avoid falling in love with you. I miss the way your eyes sparkle whenever you see someone you miss so much, and that is usually me.” Baekhyun chuckles bitterly.

“I miss how you shy away at first but then become a little bit cruel once they become close to you. You’re that friend everyone wants you know? You’re also the husband I only want.

I miss your smile, your face, your lips, those eyes. You fill the emptiness in me, but now that you’re gone…”

The ground feels cold under Baekhyun’s skin even through his pants. The air gives him chills and yet he doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t have the will to leave, unlike Chanyeol.

“You’re so cruel. Life is so cruel. You could’ve been here. We could’ve made it. We could’ve made the family we planned, achieved the things we wanted to achieve, reach the places wanted to go. We could have made our dreams come true, but we weren’t given a chance.”

Baekhyun can feel himself collapsing. Every part of his body is getting weak. His heartbeat starts to get slow. He cannot feel his surroundings anymore. The noise of the rain and the thunder are now gone, and his vision is almost gone.

But he can still see Chanyeol’s picture, the only color in his slowly fading vision.

“If life just gave us a chance. If you just gave us a chance.” his voice is also slowly vanishing.

“Just give me a chance to... do it all over again.” Baekhyun says tiredly. His body falling down completely on the ground. His breathing, his heartbeat, his consciousness slowly drifting away. Along with all the pain.

He wants to see him even though he knows he could never, ever, see him again.

Never again

Right?

Then everything disappears.

_

Somewhere outside the columbarium, the thunder and lightning intensifies. Though the storm is strong and the winds are heavy, the skies are slowly lighting up.

They are giving Baekhyun the chance he was asking.

They are giving him a chance to do it all over again.

_

“Bee...Beeeee...BEE!”

Baekhyun wakes up with a hand that is shaking his shoulder and someone screaming Bee.

Why would someone call a middle aged man Bee ?

He pries open his eyes and tries to shift slightly to look at the person calling him Bee, but he feels nothing on his side meaning he’s sleeping on a very small bed. That if he’s not careful enough he’ll fall. But why is he laying on a very small bed? Isn’t he at home?

The blurriness slowly fades away giving him a view of the person waking him up. It’s man… or a boy rather, who’s skinny, has a pale skin and feminine features. He has his eyebrow raised as if asking why the hell is he here and a smirk that’s almost mocking Baekhyun’s existence. The boy really looks sassy, someone who anybody wouldn't want to fight with. He has his arms crossed on his chest and he’s wearing a hoodie and a very tiny shorts, revealing too much of his skin--except for his colorful socks that reaches his knees.  It’s Luhan ! His college friend who moved overseas and lost contact with him when he got married.

But why is he here? After all these years and damn, he didn’t aged at all.

“Luhan?”

Baekhyun asks, his voice came out hoarse and his throat is very dry. A crease starts to form on his eyebrows when he suddenly felt a headache, making him unable to at least sit up.

“What? All the booze from the party last night made you forget who the hell am I?” Luhan says sarcastically.

Party last night? Last night he was on a date. He remembered being with Daehyun and they didn’t drink any type of alcohol the whole evening. Except when they parted ways and Baekhyun had one of his break downs -- the one that he’s really afraid of because it reveals too much of the truth.

Baekhyun doesn’t respond and instead tries to sit up. He is able to do so but very slowly, and everything is still spinning. He also tries to look around and suddenly got creeped out because they are in a small room with two beds. One he’s on right now and another one adjacent to him. It also has two desk tables and a closet. It is kind of messy and it looks like teenagers live in it.  It is too similar with the dorms he had when he was still in college. Funny how he’s in one again while Luhan is here also.

“Party? What party?” Baekhyun says, voice still hoarse. “And what are you doing here?  It has been a very long time isn’t it? When did you came back from China? You never reply to my emails anymore.”

Baekhyun’s really surprised to see Luhan again. The fact that it’s almost 12 years since they last interacted. He became too busy and forgot about Luhan’s emails. Luhan went back to Beijing -- since he’s chinese -- to take over family business. The last thing Baekhyun heard about him is that he got married to a man and who isn’t chinese. Baekhyun really did regret forgetting about Luhan, he was a good friend after all. He just got married too early and became busy too early.

“What the fuck did you dreamed of this time? Email? Really? Are we living miles away from each other to fucking send an email?” Luhan says sarcastically again.

Now Baekhyun’s confused of the way his friend is acting. It is also not helping that they’re in a room that looks exactly like their dorm 15 years ago.

“Dream? I am not dreaming! And yes, we do live miles away from each other except if Korea is now part of China.” he replies sarcastically too.

Luhan only looks at him weirdly. Like he’s the one who’s weird here and is acting like a college student again, who didn’t aged at all and is wearing too tiny of a short for middle aged men like them.

“You know, why don’t you wash up and try to recover some senses? You’re acting really weird right now and you’re creeping me out. Just come back in five minutes so we can have our breakfast. Okay?” Luhan says. Giving Baekhyun a small smile before walking towards the other bed and plopping down. He pulls out a cellphone that still has keypads and huge keychain dangling on it. He ignores Baekhyun and starts typing aggressively on his phone.

Baekhyun zones out for a minute -- a thing he does everyday. He thinks of how the hell did he got here. He remembered passing out in the columbarium, alone and unsafe. If Luhan is there then he must’ve been the one who found Baekhyun in the columbarium-- since he didn’t remember waking up after he passed out. Though Luhan has been in china for so many years. Why did he suddenly appear and helped him? How did Luhan know he was there?

His feet unconsciously moves and make him stand up. He walks toward one of the desks. A towel that is neatly folded is sitting on top of it. Besides that, it has notebooks, pens, textbooks and a lot of other things. What shocked him though, are the picture frames. One of them has a picture of himself along with Luhan, Jongin, Luhan’s brother Kris, Junmyeon, some other kids and Chanyeol . All of them were still young in the photo. He remembers it being taken back when they were still on their 2nd year in college. He was barely friends with Junmyeon and Chanyeol back then. While the other one is a picture of him and Jongin being sweet while sitting on a bench. There’s also one with him and Luhan, then him with his parents.

Then it hit him.

It is his desk. The desk he has when he was still in college. From the way everything is placed, to the pictures. Just where the hell is he and why is this place has his desk?

It’s really his desk and there’s no doubt that if he looks up he’ll find a mirror hanging on the wall.

Everything is creeping him out, first Luhan then the room and now his desk. It’s like today is throwback thursday or flashback friday that’s reminding him too much of his college days. It’s like he just went back in time and it’s making him really nervous and scared.

But when he looks up, scared is an understatement.

There really is a mirror hanging on the wall, but his nervousness is overshadowed by his shock. What he’s seeing in the mirror is more than shocking. It’s making him dizzy.

It’s himself, his reflection, moving coordinately with him but his features shocked him the most. His skin is tighter, his eyes are brighter like they’ve never been tired, and his hair has colour. He looks young. So, so young he doesn’t look like a 35 year old man. Younger than everyone is saying how young he looks. He looks like he’s 20.

“Luhan, Luhan is young, the room, the dorm, the old cellphone, the desk, the pictures, me, i’m young…” Baekhyun mutters to himself.

Luhan hears Baekhyun muttering and glances at him.

“What?” Luhan says.

Baekhyun starts to feel so scared that even Luhan is scary. Nothing is coming in his mind but nervousness. So he looks around and opted for the door. He needs to get out of this room, it’s becoming so scary he’s afraid he’s having a nightmare.

His feet drags him to the door and just like what he thought, he feels the cold metal of the door knob, meaning he’s not dreaming. He pushes it open and finds himself outside of the room. Luhan is shouting his name inside but he ignored it and looked around quickly.

He’s met with an outdoor corridor filled with rows of doors beside where he’s standing and a long bush that’s separating the corridor from the open field. It is full of people, students rather, minding their own business as they walk around alone or in groups. The open field has a beautiful landscape with shaped bushes and flowers and some benches. He can see other buildings too. And from the side he can see another building with rows of doors too. If he’s not wrong there’s a canteen right beside it.

When he glances on his left he really did see the building and the canteen. He knows because he’s been here.

He lived here. He studied here. It is his university.

He quickly got back inside because the scene he just saw is a lot more scarier than ‘young again’ Luhan. Also Luhan is his friend, he could never scare Baekhyun. Right?

The sound of the door closing got Luhan looking at him again weirdly.

“Where are we?” Baekhyun asks.

Luhan furrows his eyebrows as he stares at Baekhyun. He slowly sits up and tucks his phone inside his hoodie.

“We are here, in the university. Why?” Luhan says reluctantly.

“Wha-What date is today?” Baekhyun stutters.

Luhan looks at him weirdly again.

“1st of august, 2003.”

Baekhyun’s mind is blank for seconds before everything hits him. It hit him so hard he suddenly got so dizzy, then everything went black. Again.

_

Baekhyun hasn’t open his eyes yet but he’s already feeling scared. He knows he passed out again after seeing where he was and now he hopes when he opens his eyes he’s back in reality and that fiasco is just a one big nightmare.

But he didn’t got the chance to even open his eyes to know he’s still there because he just heard Luhan again. This time though, he’s not alone.

“He’s moving! He’s awake!” Baekhyun hears Luhan.

“What happened really? Why did he passed out?” he hears another one says and his voice is very familiar.

“I don’t know Jongin! I just woke him up so that we can eat breakfast, but then he started to act weirdly then asked where he is and what date is today. Then he passed out.” Luhan says “and shouldn’t you be the one to know why he passed out? He was with you last night at that party. What did you do? What did he drink?”

“I don’t know either. He was with me the whole time but I only saw him drink a cup of booze and nothing else. He didn’t even got drunk.” Jongin sounds confused. “He also just talked with people there and nothing else. It’s impossible for him to get that hungover with only a cup of beer. He’s not a softie.”

Baekhyun almost forgot that Jongin isn’t like what he is today when they were still on college or more likely, he isn’t what he’s like in 2018 than he is today.

He’s in the basketball varsity team who plays with other universities. That’s why he’s one of the jocks. Also, his family is known to be wealthy and attractive. Though he’s not far from the man he will be, one of the reason why Baekhyun dated him before. He’s already a gentleman,kind, and polite but he’s not yet practical and responsible. He’s still reckless and arrogant sometimes.

That if Baekhyun is really back in 2003.

He finds out when he opens his eyes. He’s back at the bed he woke up earlier. The room certainly did not change, Luhan is still there and he’s still young. Jongin though just adds up with the growing frustration inside him because Jongin is also young . The Jongin in 2018 is buffier, has strong arms and kind of has a belly, who wears button up 24/7, has his sleeves rolled up to his elbow, never fails to partner it with slacks, and who has hints of white hair on his head, so basically a dad but isn’t really a dad because he’s a 35 year old single.

But the Jongin he just saw

The image nearly made Baekhyun tear up because his friend is young. So, so young. He slowly sits up as he stares at Jongin. Jongin who’s wearing a white tee that’s a little bit big for him because he’s that skinny and yet there are muscles visible. He’s also wearing shorts but not as short as Luhan’s, more like his basketball jersey shorts. His skin is still tan and his hair is pushed back up. His face is still tight with not a single trace of wrinkles. His eyes are droopy from being sleepy but not saggy because of exhaustion from work. Baekhyun releases a sigh as he looks at Jongin’s hair and his face, because he misses this Jongin. Jongin who’s free from problems, whose eyes are full of youth, whose hair doesn’t have white streaks, who’s not tired.

Time do really change people.

“Baekhyun!”

He snapped out of his thoughts when Jongin shouts his name. Which also brings back the thought that he’s back in 2003 which is still scary as fuck for Baekhyun. That also reminds him of the growing frustration he’s feeling because, he’s back in 2003.

“I-I don’t understand.” Baekhyun mutters. “You’re also young, Luhan’s young and i’m young. Yo-you also said it’s 2003 and we are here in our old dorms and our university. It’s impossible! It’s 2018! I’m just dreaming right? But why did I just wake up and i’m still here? If this is real, what kind of sick joke is this? And Jongin! Where is Kenji? Why did you leave him? Why-”

He’s cut off when suddenly, Jongin grabs his cheeks with both hands and kisses him on the lips. Jongin pulls away with a smirk on his face.

Luhan muttering “Here we go again.”

Baekhyun is shocked of the sudden intimacy his friend just initiated.

“What the-?” Baekhyun’s reflex is to move away from his friend.

Now both Luhan and Jongin is surprised with what he just did like they should be the one who’s surprised and not him who just got kissed by his friend.

Jongin chuckles and glances at Luhan who also chuckles.

“Babe what’s happening here? First you wake up and freak Luhan out, then pass out, and now you’re babbling nonsense.”

Baekhyun stares at him for a moment. This could never be a dream because he definitely felt that kiss from his friend, he also felt the cold when he touched the door knob earlier, he felt the air when he went outside. Though if this is all real, this is also impossible to be a joke. Luhan is in China and from what he just saw. Jongin could never look like this again even with makeup or postetics. That left him two more things to check if he’s really back in 2003.

One of that is himself. So without responding to what Jongin said, he stands up and goes back to the mirror he has on his desk. No one knows his body more than himself and he knows for sure that a lot has changed since 2003. So he glances up and sees his reflection again. He looks at himself for a little while.

Though it’s more sad when he first saw Jongin. Because this time he looks at himself thoroughly and this time he cannot help but smile sadly.

Just like earlier he really is young. His eyes are still free from nightmares, free from bad experiences and memories, free from exhaustion. He’s not yet scarred by life. He’s still glowing, youthful and excited. He’s someone he knows he could never be again.

Lastly, he glanced at his neck. It’s smooth and clear. Because maybe it really is 2003 and that terrible night hasn’t happened yet.

_

If he's really back in 2003 then he must really know first if he really is back in 2003. He must look for the last proof that he really went back in time and in order to do that, he must act normal in front of Luhan and Jongin to help him look for that last proof. He also thinks persisting that he’s really from 2018 to Luhan and Jongin is useless because now they’re thinking he took some drugs last night while he was at that ‘party’.

“No I did not took some drugs!” Baekhyun says. “I wouldn’t even remember if I really did! Last night was 15 years ago!” He wants to say.

“Then why were you acting all weird? Saying stuffs like email and 2018. You even checked yourself out in the mirror.” Luhan says.

Him and Jongin are now sitting on ‘Baekhyun’s bed’. From what he remembers, it really is his bed and room -- room 47 of building B -- and stuffs. Luhan is really his room mate and god Jongin is really his boyfriend. He also remembers another one of his friends, Luhan’s brother Kris but the guy is nowhere to be found. He remembers that around this year, his parents are at their province. And He remembers it’s his last year in Civil Engineering, damn.

“I-I just had a dream. Really.” Baekhyun excuses. “Tha-that it is already 2018. That you..” He looks as Luhan. “are in China. While you ba-babe, are only my friend.” He continues. “I’m sorry if I said I wasn’t dreaming, I thought i’m still asleep.”

Baekhyun stutters as he speak. It still is scary that he might went back in time and he really is speaking to the past Luhan and Jongin. Even though he decided to act like he really is in 2003.

It is also weird speaking to Luhan again after so many years. He wants to hug his friend because he really misses him. While it also feels weird calling Jongin ‘babe’ especially that they have long forgotten about this relationship and stayed good friends and Jongin is now only like a sibling to him.

“Really? Then why’d you passed out? And who’s Kenji?” Jongin says.

There’s sudden heat in Baekhyun’s stomach when he heard his son’s name. His son who do not yet exist if he’s really back in 2003. Though, if he’s in 2003, what about 2018? Who’s watching his son in 2018? Jongin is definitely here, though he’s not sure if Jongin also came back here in 2003 with him because he’s acting like he’s really from this time.

Worry and panic slowly grows inside him but he keeps it to himself, because Luhan and Jongin will just go back to accusing him of doing drugs and everything. Things might get serious and out of hand if Baekhyun will keep persisting he’s not from this time. He’ll just find out things on his own.

“I was just...exhausted.” Baekhyun says, because he really is exhausted. “You know, from school works and activities...and Kenji is also in my dream. I dreamed that i’d name my son Kenji.”

Jongin and Luhan just stared at him and from their looks, Baekhyun can see they’re not totally convinced. But they accepted his excuses anyway as they both nod.

“So we broke up from your dream? Who did you have a son with?” Jongin asks and raises his eyebrows from amusement. “Must be sad in your dream, cause you’re not with me” he teases and smirks.

“Yeah, this really is the 2003 Jongin.” Baekhyun wants to say but he only chuckled and smiled a bit to entertain his boyfriend’s questions. Luckily, Luhan also speaks.

“And i’m in China?! What am I doing there?!”

“I don’t know” Baekhyun says. He doesn’t want to tell them the future pretending that it’s his dream. He doesn’t know. Maybe if he tells them the future, it will change or something. They might also freak out.

Which also is kind of blowing his little secret. Because if he’s really back in 2003 then he must act like the 2003 Baekhyun, and the 2003 him isn’t like this. He was talkative and would explain the whole dream to them. He would even tell them what it might mean.

But he’s still confused right now, and also tired. He just needs to look for the last proof before he’ll figure everything out.

“You know, why aren’t we taking our breakfast yet? We might miss it. We don’t want to go to our classes hungry aren’t we?” Baekhyun says.

Fortunately, his friends only agreed with him.

_

“Jong- Babe, where are your friends?” Baekhyun says.

They are already seated on a table that what from Baekhyun remembers is their ‘usual spot’. Everyone has a designated table along with their friends and this one is theirs. Theirs, meaning his friends and Jongin’s friends. But right now it’s just the three of them.

“They already ate. We are bit late for breakfast babe, if you haven’t noticed.” Jongin says and munch on his apple. “Why?”

Luhan’s busy over his oatmeal while Baekhyun only felt his hunger a minute they arrived at the canteen, so he’s wolfing down omelettes and fried rice. He’s thinking of how much he must’ve traveled from 2018 to 2003 to be this hungry.

“I just need to ask something.” he responds with his mouth half full. Luhan looks at him weirdly again as he takes spoonful after spoonful of rice.

“Baekhyun, slowdown. You’ll swallow the spoon!” Luhan shouts. Baekhyun ignores him.

“Okay, we’ll look for them after we eat. Okay?” Jongin says and offers him a small smile. He nods.

They decided to look for Jongin’s friends and walk Jongin to his class at the same time. They’re back at the school grounds -- which is like a park in front of the dorms. It is so huge that it leads to every part of the university. It even has a small maze made out of bushes -- looking around. Or more likely, Baekhyun is looking around.

“You know what we haven’t done for a while?” Luhan starts.

“What?” Jongin asks while Baekhyun is still busy looking around.

Because if ever he finds what he is looking for, that’s when he’ll hundred percent believe that he’s back in 2003. Though he already believes this is not a dream or some kind of illusion because he’s definitely conscious and he can feel everything. He just can’t believe it’s 2003.

“Water ski” Luhan says.

“Luhan, we’ve never done that.” He hears Jongin says and he can also hear the irritation on his voice.

“Oh, that must be from one of my dreams! ” Luhan says loudly and he leans in front of Baekhyun’s face then laugh. Amusingly, it is only him who laughed. “Really Baekhyun? You’ve never had this kinds of dreams. I’m in China? I must’ve miss my aunt Yue.”

Luhan’s voice slowly fades into Baekhyun’s mind as he think of what to do if ever he finds his last proof. What if he’s really back in 2003? What should he do next? Why is he here? Will he be stuck here forever and had to live again the years to reach 2018? What kind of sick sorcery is this?

They kept walking around until he’s totally zoned out and Luhan is begging for his attention as he snaps his fingers repeatedly in front of Baekhyun’s face.

“I know you zone out every time you wake up but you woke up an hour ago.” Luhan says again. He’s a good friend, he just can't keep his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry” Baekhyun apologizes.

Then they abruptly stop when someone called Jongin’s name. Jongin -- who has his hands in his pocket and maybe contemplating about his shoes as he’s looking intently at it for at least 10 minutes now -- looks up. Luhan who’s also being himself -- an attention deprived man -- stops talking and Baekhyun who’s finally entertaining Luhan, snaps his head towards the place the voice had came from.

There he sees Junmyeon, standing on the pavement in the middle of two trimmed bushes. He’s also young, just like Baekhyun, Luhan and Jongin. He’s also in his early 20’s with his tight jeans and tucked in white shirt, looking neat and very handsome. Just like what Baekhyun remembers.

He remembers not being able to stand Junmyeon but he kept it to himself because he doesn’t want to cause any trouble with Jongin. Junmyeon was this kind of guy who’s always up someone’s nose. But after months of hanging out with him, Baekhyun got used to him and started to like the guy.

Baekhyun’s heart starts beating triple time when he saw Junmyeon, because back then Junmyeon always has two guys by his side. One of them is Jongin but Jongin started to walk around with Baekhyun when they became boyfriends. And the other one is…

“ Chanyeol ”

Baekhyun whispers to himself when a man who’s a foot taller than Junmyeon shows from his back.

All of a sudden, the night he went to the columbarium flashes back. All the words he wanted to say, all the wishes he wished and all the tears he cried, come rushing back inside his head. The years he spent losing his mind, the nightmares he had, the dark thoughts that crept inside his mind, all of those come rushing back. Though with all the thoughts and feelings pouring inside him. There’s just one thing dominating.

And that is how much he misses the man.

There he is, Park Chanyeol, his husband for so many years. The only man he ever loved. The man who’s a big part of his life, or more likely, he is Baekhyun’s life. Who he built his dreams with. Who he only wanted to have a family with. Who he once thought would never leave him.

There he is, standing and looking as if he had no clue what he did to Baekhyun. Chanyeol is back.

But with all the thoughts and feelings inside him, he didn’t notice his feet dragging him forward. Not knowing what he’s doing, he just goes with what his body is telling him and run towards the said man. Towards Chanyeol who’s alive, breathing and most likely present.

Everything becomes a blur, even his friends and Junmyeon who’s in front of Chanyeol. His feet lets him pass Junmyeon and towards Chanyeol. And again, with so many thoughts in his mind he just jumps right at Chanyeol. Hugging the man on his neck and wrapping his legs around Chanyeol’s waist.

Chanyeol stumbles back with Baekhyun’s sudden jump. Luckily he has quick reflexes and catches Baekhyun quickly or else the smaller would fall. He also has very strong legs that prevented the both of them to fall hard to the ground.

Junmyeon stops talking mid sentence, Luhan’s eyes widens twice as much as it should be, and Jongin flinches. All of them are shocked with what they just saw. Including Chanyeol who doesn’t have an idea why his best friend’s boyfriend just jumped at him.

They are all so surprised that none of them were able to move for a couple of seconds. Chanyeol only holds Baekhyun while looking towards his three shocked friends while they stare back at the two.

No on spoke for seconds until they suddenly hear Baekhyun sob against Chanyeol’s neck. Baekhyun on the other hand, just can’t believe he’s holding Chanyeol. He’s alive, solid, and breathing. He misses him so much he doesn’t want to let go.

“Uhm, Bee?” Luhan is the first to say something but it goes unheard by Baekhyun again.

Instead of doing anything to let go of Chanyeol, Baekhyun squeezes him even more, because he wants to feel him more. Heck, he wants to look at him. So he pulls away a little, and grabs Chanyeol’s face instead. His hands are both on Chanyeol’s cheeks while he’s still clinging at the man and Chanyeol is still holding him.

Though that’s when Chanyeol sees Baekhyun. His eyes are full of tears and his face is so red. He looks so sad and happy at the same time. What surprises him even more is when Baekhyun cried even more when he stared back at the smaller.

While Baekhyun feels like his chest is closing up because, he’s here. He’s holding him, he’s touching him and he’s seeing him. He doesn’t want to let go, because he’s too afraid that if he does, Chanyeol might disappear. He’s too afraid that this is all just a dream or just an illusion. He’s afraid of losing him again.

So he doesn’t let go.

Minutes passed and Baekhyun really did not let go. Not when his friends tried to to take him away from Chanyeol.

“Okay Baekhyun, you’re getting freaky. Please get off him now.” Luhan says and laughs nervously when he sees Jongin glaring at the two.

“What’s happening here? Why is your boyfriend like that?” Junmyeon asks Jongin.

Jongin only sighs and gets nearer Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

“Baekhyun, I won’t come to class today so that we can talk. Can you just let go of him please?” Jongin says but Baekhyun only shakes his head. “Oh gosh, what’s happening to you today? You were really weird this morning and now this? What happened really? Are you high? Baek-”

Jongin is cut off when Chanyeol puts up his hand signaling Jongin to stop for a second. Jongin looks at him, unimpressed.

“Can I talk to him?” Chanyeol says. “Go to your class first, i’ll talk to him then we’ll get back to you later.”

Jongin only narrows his eyes at him, thinking if Chanyeol is being serious right now.

“Don’t worry, I won’t do anything to your boyfriend. I won’t let anything happen to him. Luhan can come with us, if that will make you feel better about this.” Chanyeol says. “You and Junmyeon should go to your classes.”

“Then how about yours?” Junmyeon asks Chanyeol.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s see first what’s happening to our Baekhyun here. Also, I can’t go to class with a man hanging on me, right?”

_

Baekhyun is not even feeling a bit of embarrassment right now, because all he can think of is he’s holding Chanyeol. All the nightmares, breakdowns and the terrible things he had to go through when Chanyeol died felt like it never happened. And he just can’t think of anything else but to hold him and make up with all the years he was miserable without Chanyeol. He just wants to feel him again, even just for today. Then he’ll figure everything out tomorrow. Is that too much to ask?

Jongin finally agrees with Chanyeol and goes to his class. Junmyeon looks at Baekhyun weirdly one last time before also leaving for his class. That left Luhan with Chanyeol and the clinging Baekhyun on him.

“Hi Baekhyun, I think you heard what I said and I hope you haven’t fell asleep right there.” Chanyeol says and put one hand to Baekhyun’s back. He starts to rub it, comforting the smaller as much as he can -- for the mean time -- so that the smaller’s sobs lessen. “Don’t worry I’ll let you hug me as much as you want. I won’t pry you off me but can you just stand and walk? I don’t think I can hold you any longer, you know, i’m not the strong type of guy. Then we’ll go to your room or anywhere you feel comfortable so that we can talk okay? You can say whatever you want. You can-”

Chanyeol is cut off by Luhan who’s suddenly behind him and entangling Baekhyun’s legs around Chanyeol. Baekhyun didn’t notice Luhan and falls right on his feet, luckily he’s still holding onto Chanyeol’s neck so he didn’t lost balance and completely fall back. .

“Oh come on! Chanyeol just stop talking please? And Baekhyun, let’s go back to our room first then you can continue that weird shit you’re doing.” Luhan says loudly, irritation evident on his voice.

Chanyeol agrees and Baekhyun wipes his tears. Though it comes right back when he get to look at Chanyeol again. This time he can see clearly what his husband looks like, and he just can’t help but break into sobs again.

Chanyeol is also young. Also in his early 20’s, looking innocent with his large round eyes. His hair is just like what it was until the last day Baekhyun saw him. It is always on its natural color and clean cut. He's wearing cargo shorts and a shirt underneath an open flannel. The usual Chanyeol, back when they were still in college. He also still has subtle pimple marks that puberty left on his face. He just looks so young and handsome, just like what he used to when Baekhyun first fell in love with him.

“Oh gosh, why did you broke into tears again when you saw my face? Is it that bad?” Chanyeol tries to joke and puts on a small smile to lighten the mood.

Oh how Baekhyun misses that smile. That smile he wishes to look at for the rest of his life.

He wipes his tears and releases a sigh. He then puts his hands on Chanyeol’s cheeks and stares at his eyes. He wants to look at him to know he’s real. That somehow, fate had really given him a chance to do it all over again or just to see him one last time. He doesn’t know if it will only be for a day or two. He doesn’t know, what if everything disappears when he closes his eyes or fall asleep? If that’s the case he’ll make sure to make the most of the time given to him.

Because, with only that thought inside his head and Chanyeol staring back at him, face only inches away from his. He whispers,

“Please be real.”

Then Baekhyun pulls down Chanyeol for a kiss.

He feels it, it is real. It’s the same feeling he had when they first kissed, when they kissed whenever they say goodbye, when they kissed on their late night dates, when they got married, and whenever they welcome each other. He’s real.

“Oh no” Luhan says.

It lasted for a couple seconds before Baekhyun pulled away. Chanyeol on the other hand, did not move a single muscle. Except when he kissed back Baekhyun and that’s the reason why he’s not moving.

“No, no, no, no, no...Baekhyun!” Luhan shouts and snatches him away from Chanyeol by his arm. Then holds both Baekhyun’s shoulder to make Baekhyun look at him.

Baekhyun looks at him with eyes still red and full tears. Luhan then shakes Baekhyun’s shoulders and shouts again. “Oh God, why did you do that?! You’re hundred percent insane this time! What’s happening to you?! Wake up Baekhyun! Wake up! You just kissed your boyfriend’s best friend! That’s-”

“Enough” Chanyeol cuts him off, surprisingly fast to recover from his shock. He gently pulls Baekhyun away from Luhan’s grasp and got in between the two. He faces Luhan and grabs Baekhyun’s arm to hide him on his back. “I’m going to talk to him alone, since it looks like i’m the reason why he’s being like this. I know I promised Jongin that you would be there but I think he could only talk to me about all of this. Don’t worry, I promise I won’t let him kiss me again, nor let him do anything reckless.”

Luhan only stares at him then at Baekhyun -- who’s looking at the hand holding his arm -- then at Chanyeol again. He sighs before nodding.

“Okay, Okay, I think you’re right. I saw him cry even harder when he saw your face.” Luhan says, the pity evident on his voice. “Please knock some senses out of him and please, really, don’t let him do any more stupid things.”

“I will, I promise.” Chanyeol responds.

Luhan looks at Baekhyun one last time before walking away, but stops when Chanyeol calls him again.

“Luhan!” Their friend looks back at Chanyeol and Baekhyun. “Can you do me one favor?” Chanyeol asks.

“What is it?” Luhan says.

“Please don’t tell Jongin about the...you know.” Chanyeol says.

Luhan notices how Baekhyun is now looking down but his hand now also grips Chanyeol’s arm.

“I won’t”

_

Chanyeol leads Baekhyun towards his own dorm room. Jongin is his room mate anyway and he’s on his class so he and Baekhyun can talk privately without offending Jongin.  He sits Baekhyun down on Jongin’s bed and he grabs a water bottle from his desk. He also got some tissues and hand them all to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun takes it and drinks the water. He also wipes his face then looks at Chanyeol who’s just staring at him.

“Are you alright now?” Chanyeol softly says.

Baekhyun nods. Then there’s a silent moment when Chanyeol doesn’t know what else to say and Baekhyun isn't saying anything either.

“I know we are not that close, and we only get to talk once, last night at the party. I also don’t know what you’re going through but if you need someone to tell it all about, you can talk to me.” Chanyeol tries to start a conversation.

Baekhyun only stares at him but instead of being creeped out, Chanyeol is actually concerned for the smaller. His eyes are all red and puffy and his breathing is slow. Chanyeol could almost see what he’s feeling through his eyes. It screams sadness and... longingness?

But Baekhyun is looking at him. He was never like this towards Chanyeol before. He was friendly alright, always nice and never makes Chanyeol feel out of place. He always smiles and always took notice of Chanyeol. He’s also kind and sweet. but it was always platonic, because they’re friends. Just friends, not even a close one. Then he surprised Chanyeol when he jumped at him, kissed him earlier and now he misses him?

“Please, you can tell me anything. Is it me? Did I do something? Did something happened that was partly my fault? Did-” Chanyeol was cut off by Baekhyun.

“No” Baekhyun says and ironically looks away from Chanyeol when he finally talks to him. “I’m sorry, I..had a dream. I dreamed about someone I really miss and you kind of reminded me of him, a lot. I only noticed how similar you are with him today. I’m really sorry.” Baekhyun can’t think of any more excuses.

Chanyeol nods, convinced on what he just heard. No one spoke for minutes and Chanyeol doesn’t know if he should go or stay. Baekhyun already stopped crying anyway, now just staring at the floor and glancing at him from time to time.

Chanyeol wanted to know who’s the person he’s very similar with that made Baekhyun jump at him and kiss him. If that person is really that special to Baekhyun then why did he just noticed their similarities now? He wants to know but the smaller looks exhausted. He looks drained and still sad. He also doesn’t want to go there and ask questions that might send him over the line.

He was in relief when Baekhyun finally speaks.

“Do you have somewhere to go? Or need something to do?” Baekhyun asks.

Chanyeol thinks about his classes but he thinks his best friend’s boyfriend really needs someone right now.

“Uhm, I have my classes but it’s alright. I could just ask...actually I only ask you whenever I miss something but since you’re also here...I really have no one.” Chanyeol replies and chuckles to lighten the mood.

Baekhyun forgot he’s also still studying; he’s still a 20 year old and Chanyeol is in every class he has because they’re taking the same course. He remembered how he usually sat with his friends during those classes. He usually sees Chanyeol sitting alone or with one of their classmates who just needed answers. He never really minded him albeit knowing he’s Jongin’s friend. Then it changed when they hung out once. He started sitting next to Chanyeol and he guess that was when they started enjoying each other’s company.

“Oh, we could just ask…” Baekhyun forgot the name of his friend from their major subject. “that guy I always sat with.”

“You mean Taehyung.” Chanyeol says, smiling from how Baekhyun already forgot his seatmate’s name.

“Yeah, him” Baekhyun says even though he still cannot remember.

No one knows what to say again so Chanyeol speaks first this time.

“It’s almost noon, would you like to get some lunch?” he asks.

Baekhyun looks up at him when he said it. Well it’s not like Baekhyun’s gonna say no. it is actually his plan to spend the rest of the day with Chanyeol-- if this all will even last for a day.

Baekhyun nods. Chanyeol smiles and stands up, he feels really awkward especially that they never really converse. Baekhyun followed him but stops midway to the door.

“Chanyeol” he calls. Chanyeol looks back at him as he was walking ahead a little.

“After we eat lunch. Can I...spend the rest of the day with you?” Baekhyun asks reluctantly.

Chanyeol only stares at him for seconds, surprised with what he just heard.

He knows. Baekhyun knows that around this time, Chanyeol already likes him. He remembers the man stealing glances all the time and always floats away whenever he speaks. He remembers Chanyeol always shying away whenever he was there. His husband tried not to show but it was just so obvious. Not everyone could see but he can, and some of their friends can.

Chanyeol was hesitant for a moment. First because it was Baekhyun, he knows his heart starts beating triple time whenever Baekhyun’s around. Second, Baekhyun was very different today, he doesn’t know what this really is about. Lastly, he remembers Jongin. He knows he’d been infatuated with his best friend’s boyfriend for a very long time but he could never do that to his friend.

Though it’s not like they’ll be doing anything wrong--except they kissed earlier and he fucking kissed back. He doesn’t know where all of this is going but Baekhyun looks so sad right right now and Chanyeol can control himself, right?

“Okay” Chanyeol says, smiling a little.

He doesn’t know what he’s thinking but he also grabs Baekhyun’s hand.

They walked towards canteen with Chanyeol holding his hand. It almost made Baekhyun cry again but he thought it was already enough crying for the day. He’s finally holding Chanyeol again, so there’s really no reason to cry. Baekhyun also wanted to hug the man so badly, but thinking of their situation, he doesn’t think he can. Especially they’re in public, alone, and he already kissed Chanyeol earlier. He doesn’t know what he was thinking but he knows consequences will come if he’s still in 2003 tomorrow. For now, all he just wants is Chanyeol’s presence.

Chanyeol did not hold his hand anymore after they had lunch. They saw some basketball players that was glancing at them, maybe that’s the reason why Chanyeol stopped comforting him. He saw how the man tried to comfort him earlier. It reminded him of the times when they’re already together. Chanyeol still comforted him the same way, making him calm by rubbing his back, trying not to put more pressure on him and asking slowly on what was wrong. He has always been so gentle, even until they’re already married.

Since Baekhyun is still hysterical and cries whenever he remembers something or thought of how he misses Chanyeol. They still can’t come to any of their classes. Chanyeol was there to calm him down, make him stop crying, and even make him smile everytime he cries. So they opted to just hang out. Spent the rest of the afternoon back in Chanyeol and Jongin’s room. Chanyeol was working on a project, and from what Baekhyun remembers it’s not really a project. Chanyeol created this miniature house, with little furnitures and little people. Baekhyun remembers it clearly, because he still keeps it behind their closet back in 2018. He helped Chanyeol decorate it the whole day.

It also seems like they only talked like this once, because Chanyeol was still shy to tell him things. He was very careful with his words, without knowing Baekhyun have already heard and seen everything about him. He knows Chanyeol from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. Though he speaks as if they already shared some little things. Is it the party Luhan was talking about that he was at last night?

Being with Chanyeol again brings back the loud beating of his heart. Everything’s just too good to be true, Baekhyun’s terrified knowing he’ll have to lose Chanyeol again.

Dinner comes and Baekhyun doesn’t want to take his eyes off Chanyeol. If everything is just for the day then he’ll definitely gonna make the most of his remaining hours. He wants to memorize the way Chanyeol looks one last time.

Tears fall out of his eyes again as they eat together. Their friends are still missing, probably caught up with their classes. They only saw Luhan earlier on their way to the canteen, he was on a rush to his repeating subject. So he really didn’t saw how Baekhyun was tightly clutching Chanyeol’s shirt.

Baekhyun is surprised when Chanyeol transferred to the sit next to him. Chanyeol handed him tissue then continue eating his sandwich. Baekhyun doesn’t have an appetite so he just cries while Chanyeol eat.

“Do you really miss this person?” Chanyeol asks when he doesn’t stop crying.

“Huh?” Baekhyun uses the tissue the man gave him.

“This person you dreamed of. The one i’m very similar with. How much do you miss him?” Chanyeol says and Baekhyun still hears him even over the noise their canteen has.

Baekhyun stares at him, and somehow it reminded him of the night he was at the columbarium. The amount of how much he misses him is countless and yet he can’t show even a bit of it.

“ So much ”

It’s a ready dark as walk back to the dorms quietly. Baekhyun has been quiet the the whole time after Chanyeol asked him about the person he misses, and it’s making Chanyeol guilty that he made Baekhyun sad again.

“Hey” Chanyeol starts and Baekhyun only hums in response. “I know I promised Luhan things but this is different, okay?” Chanyeol mumbles.

“Huh?” Baekhyun didn’t hear clearly what Chanyeol mumbled. The man didn’t repeat it also but took a deep breath instead before speaking again.

“Do you miss this person so much that you want to hold his hand?” Chanyeol asks.

Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol and it shatters Chanyeol’s heart with how sad Baekhyun looks.

“Yes” Baekhyun responds. Then Chanyeol holds his hand.

“Do you miss this person so much that you want to get closer to him?” Chanyeol continues.

“Yes”

And Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun closer to him as they walk.

“Do you miss this person so much that you want to hug him?” Chanyeol asks again.

Though this time Baekhyun abruptly stops. He smiles so sadly and nods. “So bad”

So Chanyeol pulls him for a hug. He hugs Baekhyun as tight as he could without suffocating the smaller, as warm as he could to comfort Baekhyun and as real as could to at least make Baekhyun feel like Chanyeol is the person Baekhyun has been missing.

“You said i’m very similar to him, so just pretend I am him.”

“You are him.” Baekhyun wanted to say but didn’t.

_

They walk side by side with a safe distance and none of them spoke after they hugged in the middle of the school grounds. They are already near Baekhyun and Luhan’s room when they see Jongin standing in front of the door. He’s looking at them, face blank.

When they are in front of him, Jongin surprisingly smiles a little at Baekhyun and reaches out for his hand. With Baekhyun still not used to Jongin being his boyfriend, he reluctantly pulls up his hand but reaches out anyway and holds Jongin’s hand. Jongin gently pulls him so Baekhyun’s standing next to Jongin and not beside Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was just looking at them the whole time. He looks sad and was trying not to show it but Baekhyun knows him too well.

“Well...i’ll be going” Chanyeol says. “Are you coming back later?” he asks Jongin.

Jongin glances at Baekhyun before answering. “Yes”

It makes Baekhyun nervous that he will be alone with Jongin. Especially that they’re not just friends but boyfriends. He’s also afraid of what his friend might ask him.

“Oh, okay” Chanyeol says.

“But i’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Jongin continues.

Chanyeol nods “Okay”

Jongin didn’t say anything after. But then, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun. “Good night Bee” He says, before starting to walk away.

Baekhyun watches Chanyeol walk away. If this is the last time he’ll see him then he’s happy he get to be with Chanyeol one last time. Seeing him, touching him, and kissing him one last time is enough. But he still wishes to have another day.

When Chanyeol is far away enough, Jongin pulls him inside his room. He sits down on his own bed as Jongin stands in front of him.

Luhan is already laying on his own bed, writing something on his notebook.

“Oh hey there!” Luhan greets them.

“Hi Lu” Baekhyun greets back but Jongin didn’t say a thing.

Jongin only looks at Luhan intently and it seems like his roommate already got what Jongin means and stands up from his bed. Luhan grabs his towel and toiletries, laughing awkwardly.

“Well you know...I gotta wash up. The public bathroom is always crowded after all the classes finish up.” Luhan says, walking towards the door. “Gosh I hate public bathrooms, why don’t they just put bathrooms in each room? Bye!” Then shuts the door.

Baekhyun sits down on his bed while Jongin stands in front of him. No one speaks for a moment before Jongin sighed and also sits down on Luhan’s bed, facing Baekhyun.

“Are you alright now?” Jongin asks, calm and sounds really concerned about Baekhyun. He sounds like Jongin from 2018.

“Yes” Baekhyun says and smiles a little, reassuring Jongin.

“Are you tired?” Jongin asks him again.

He can tell the his friend wants to ask him about today. If it was the older Jongin he wouldn’t hesitate to ask or say anything to Baekhyun. They became close as they grew older, telling each other’s problems and all -- a reason why anything beyond friendship seem inappropriate. But this is his boyfriend Jongin, he’s still not fond with showing his feelings or saying what he wants to Baekhyun. It amuses Baekhyun that this is still the youthful Jongin.

“Yes, kind of. You?” he asks back.

Jongin smiles and transfer next to Baekhyun. Though he’s surprised again when his friend lays on his bed then puts his head on top of Baekhyun’s lap.

“Very, very tired” Jongin says then buries his face on Baekhyun’s stomach.

Baekhyun is still not used to Jongin with this much of intimacy albeit knowing he’s still his boyfriend in 2003. Because the farthest they could go in 2018 was massaging each other’s heads.

“You were so weird today, you know that? But i’m not mad or anything.” Jongin says, face still on Baekhyun. “Just surprised with the outburst earlier and you suddenly jumping on Chanyeol, but I understand. That must be a one hell of dream you had.”

“It is” Baekhyun says. He sits still with his hands on his side, trying to avoid touching Jongin.

Jongin sighs and finally sits up. Baekhyun’s relieved with the absence of intimacy.

“It’s alright. Just avoid thinking of anything that’s making you like this. Rest early for now and if you need anything just come by my room. Okay?”

Baekhyun nods. He’s relieved Jongin didn’t asked him anymore questions that he doesn’t know what’s the answer or how to answer.

Jongin left minutes after, kissing him goodnight before leaving. Baekhyun notices the room when he’s already alone, he also notices his clothes. Well, it’s his clothes from 2003, some sweatpants and a shirt. So he opened his closet and finds all of his clothes before. It kind of made him happy seeing everything. He kinda misses the way he dress back when he was still in college.

He pulls out another sweatpants and a shirt. He changes while Luhan is still out. Then he lays on his bed, closing his eyes and following what Jongin told him, to rest. Though he cannot help but think.

Baekhyun’s sure he’s in 2003 now. With everyone young and Chanyeol being alive, he’s definitely back in the past and it is not some kind of illusion or anything. But how did this happened? He remembers wishing for this when he was at the columbarium, he just never thought magical realism really does happen. Fate must be really kind to him that night. He doesn’t know yet if he could change the future if he do things differently this time. He doesn’t know if everything is for him doing it one last time or if it is for him to have a one more chance.

He’ll find out.

Baekhyun doesn’t hear Luhan coming back in their room as he drips off to sleep.

_

He wakes up with an alarm clock blaring in the room. He automatically sits up, opening his eyes and zoning out for a minute. He’s looking at the sleepers on the bottom of the bed in front of him.

It was only moments after zoning out that he realizes the alarm isn’t buzzing, but rather ringing. He looks at the alarm clock sitting on the desk, it’s an old pink alarm clock with bells on top of it. It definitely was Luhan’s. That’s when he looks at the bed in front of him, Luhan lays soundly asleep on his own bed. Mouth hanging open and legs entangled with the sheets.

Baekhyun looks around, seeing he’s still inside a dorm room. Still on the same clothes he put on last night. Everything’s still the same but now with the sun rising again outside. That must mean, he’s still in 2003.

He’s still young, still in college, his friends are still young, he’s still roommates with Luhan, he’s still in a relationship with Jongin and still in the past. Then that must mean, Chanyeol is still there, alive and present.

He was given more time to be with him again.

A smile forms on his face when he realised that.

“My god Bee! Stop smiling at the floor and stop the damn alarm! You’re already up anyway.” Luhan suddenly whines.

Baekhyun looks at his friend who’s stretching lazily on his bed. Seeing Luhan again and this time not freaked out, it makes him feel how much he missed his friend. Baekhyun still remembers how close they were, how much fun they had and how good of a friend Luhan was. He missed him so much.

“Sorry” Baekhyun says, his smile not leaving his face. He stands up to stop the alarm but instead of going back to his own bed, he lays down next to Luhan. He throws his arms and legs over his friend and squeezes him as he laughs.

Baekhyun only realizes now how much he missed Luhan that he cannot help but hug his friend. He’s 20 again anyway, meaning it’s alright to act like that again. It’s alright to be silly, reckless and wild again. Just like how they were before. So it’s alright to annoy Luhan again early in the morning because he knows how much Luhan hates waking up in the morning. It’s also alright to be clingy again towards his friend just so he would get up and pry Baekhyun off him.

“So grumpy in the morning. C’mon let’s get up and catch that double serving of bacon.” Baekhyun says, shaking Luhan to wake him up fully.

“So clingy in the morning! Go away! Stop squeezing me, it’s getting hot.” Luhan tries to pry him off but Baekhyun won’t let him. He misses Luhan so much but he cannot tell him or else his friend might think he’s being weird again. Baekhyun freaking out yesterday was enough, he’ll need to act like he’s really from 2003 if he’s gonna stay longer. Then he’ll figure out if he can change anything.

“No, I’ll only let go if you get up.” Baekhyun teases then starts pinching Luhan to annoy him even more.

A few moments later his roommate groans and finally sits up, but not before pushing Baekhyun away. Baekhyun forgot how strong Luhan was. His roommate was even able to unlatch his legs yesterday when he was clinging on Chanyeol.

“Fine”

They walk on the school grounds still in their sleeping clothes. Luhan yawns beside Baekhyun and lifting his shirt up to scratch his stomach without even minding the people looking at him judgingly.

Luhan agrees on going out for breakfast anyway when Baekhyun mentioned bacon and hot chocolate. Baekhyun remembers those were Luhan’s weaknesses against waking up early, but really, he just wants to spend the morning with his friend.

“So, how are you and Minseok?” Baekhyun asks. He guesses it’s around this time when Luhan had a thing with that soccer player.

Luhan’s sleepy eyes are gone in an instant and replaced with wide eyes. Baekhyun doesn’t fail to notice the sudden red on his friend’s cheeks. He wants to laugh at how Luhan gets so pressed and flustered whenever guys are mentioned then his strong, sassy persona disappears for a moment.

“Why are you asking about him? Are you messing with me?” Luhan says, trying to act tough by putting on a straight face.

Baekhyun chuckles cause he can still see how flustered Luhan is.

“No im not. I just want to know how far have you two got and I know you want to talk about it anyway.”

Luhan’s smile shows anyway then he slaps Baekhyun on his arm first before starting to talk about Minseok. They continue walking and Baekhyun smirks in amusement as Luhan continues on blabbering about the soccer player albeit acting as if he’s not interested to the guy.

They are about to turn left when Baekhyun stops Luhan.

“Can we go fetch Chan- I mean, Jongin first?” Baekhyun says.

Luhan sighs and raises his eyebrow before nodding.

They reached Chanyeol and Jongin’ room and Luhan quickly goes in without even knocking -- Baekhyun remembers how mannerless they were.

Baekhyun instantly sees Chanyeol and his heart starts beating triple time. The urge to hug, touch , look and kiss the man like yesterday comes rushing back inside him. But he cannot, especially if they aren’t boyfriends or married yet. They’re not even close friends yet. He hopes there will be a time when he can do those things again before he comes back in 2018, that is if he ever comes back. For now he can settle just seeing Chanyeol again.

His husband cutely is sitting on his bed holding a tamagochi, it’s a small pink game Chanyeol used to play. Baekhyun wants to laugh at how childish Chanyeol was, but that’s one of the reasons why he loves him so much.

Baekhyun snaps out of staring at Chanyeol when Luhan snatches the games from him.

“You still play one of these?!” Luhan shouts. “Cool!”

Baekhyun blinks a few times before finding Jongin, who should be the one he’s glad to see. His friend is still asleep on his bed while wearing only a pyjama. Baekhyun remembers Jongin not being a morning person, a thing they usually bicker about before because Baekhyun is a morning person, and so is Chanyeol.

“Why are you staring at Jongin? Go wake him up with hugs and kisses.” Luhan teases, now hogging the tamagochi from Chanyeol.

Baekhyun laughs awkwardly but his eyes finds Chanyeol again. His husband is also looking at him with no expression on his face but quickly looks away. Baekhyun wants to pinch Luhan for making Chanyeol hear that.

Baekhyun walks toward Jongin anyway and sits beside his friend. He wakes his friend up and Jongin opens his eyes as he starts to stretch. A smile forms on Jongin’s face when sees Baekhyun.

“Good morning” Jongin greets. Baekhyun smiles back at his friends.

“Good morning, wanna go get breakfast?” Baekhyun asks but also looks at Chanyeol, who’s just trying to get his game back from Luhan.

“It’s too early, but you’re already here anyway so, fine.” Jongin says and sits up.

They wait for Jongin so put on a shirt first before they all stand up to leave. But as they reach the door Baekhyun notices Chanyeol still sitting on his bed.

“Chanyeol, let’s go.” He says.

His husband looks up and smiles a little before shaking his head.

“No, you go first. I’ll wait for-” Chanyeol was cut of when Baekhyun pulls him up by his arm. Jongin and Luhan are only looking at them.

“Come on. They serve double bacons.” Baekhyun smiles at him, dying to tell Chanyeol he’s really the reason why they were there.

He wants to have breakfast with husband again after 7 years.

They all ate breakfast and Baekhyun is already kind of failing his act. He cannot help but give a lot of attention to Chanyeol. Even though Baekhyun sits next to Jongin, he cannot help but chat with Chanyeol instead. He cannot help but give him his peas for it is Chanyeol’s favorite. He cannot help but get him coffee instead of hot chocolate. He cannot help but pour him some water because he knows Chanyeol follows his coffee with water. He cannot help but be a husband again to Chanyeol.

It has been so long since he have done those things and he’s only preventing himself from crying again. He misses doing those little things for Chanyeol. He misses Chanyeol being the first person he sees when he wakes up. He misses kissing him good morning even with the morning breath. He misses making breakfast for them. He misses Chanyeol and this is his first time being with Chanyeol again during morning after so many years. He cannot help but do the things he really misses.

Jongin and Luhan look at him weirdly, even Chanyeol doesn’t know why he’s being like that. So Baekhyun calms himself, tries not to let his tears fall down, puts on a small smile and starts chatting with Luhan instead.

But as he chats with Luhan his mind wanders off. He wants to find out how are things going to work out now that he’s still in 2003. He wants to find out if things will turn out differently if he do things differently. He may not remember every bit of the things they did back in 2003 but maybe if he does a different decision this time, things could change in the future.

Then he thinks of something to do that could make a huge difference tomorrow or maybe 15 years later.

And he quickly gets one when Jongin holds his hand underneath the table.

Baekhyun will break things off with Jongin.

He should, because that would make a drastic difference. Their friends could change, their relationship in the future could change and Jongin might never be upset that he and Chanyeol ended up together. Jongin ignoring them for years after he found out about him and Chanyeol might not even happen if he breaks things off with Jongin right now.

Baekhyun could also get closer to Chanyeol without upsetting Jongin. It’s selfish but it’s better to upset Jongin this way than what they did before. Him and Chanyeol betrayed their friend before and he doesn’t want that to happen again.

They finish their breakfast but Baekhyun remembers he has to go to classes again. Luckily his first class is not until noon.

Him and Luhan part ways with Jongin and Chanyeol on their way to their rooms.

“I’ll see you later.” Jongin says to him, still holding his hand.

“Okay” He gives him a small smile, but he's surprised again when his friend pulls him close and kisses him.

What surprises him even more is that, it is not the usual simple kiss Jongin gives him every time. Its longer, deeper and forced. As if Jongin is showing off.

Jongin's arm lowers on the small of his back to pull him even closer but he puts his hands on his friend's chest and gently pushes him away. Jongin is definitely showing off because of Baekhyun showering Chanyeol with attention earlier and Chanyeol is watching right now.

Baekhyun cannot remember his friend being this possessive.

“Bye” he curtly says and starts walking away.

He cannot believe Jongin could do that and he cannot complain or anything because his friend has the every right. But he knows Chanyeol already likes him and he doesn't want Chanyeol having his hopes down.

It's already 11am when Baekhyun decided to go to the public bathroom to wash up before he goes to class. He didn't mind parting ways with Chanyeol earlier because he knows he'll have all of his classes with him.

Though he did not expect Chanyeol to walk in the public bathroom as he brushes his teeth.

“Hey” Chanyeol greets him first.

“Hey” He greets back.

He finishes brushing as Chanyeol starts washing his face.

“I’m I being weird again earlier?” Baekhyun asks because Chanyeol seemed like he doesn’t know what to do earlier when Baekhyun was showering him with attention.

“No” Chanyeol tries to deny but Baekhyun looks at him through the mirror with an eyebrow raised because Chanyeol lying is so obvious. “Okay! You got me. You kinda are.” Chanyeol chuckles. “But it’s alright. It isn’t exactly weird. It’s just weird because you’re doing those all of a sudden.” Chanyeol continues. “Then Jongin was there banging my head through a wall inside his mind.” the two of them laugh.

They’re now alone when the student earlier who’s showering left the bathroom. The two of them stand in front of a sink, both doing their own thing

“I’m sorry if i’m making you uncomfortable.” Baekhyun says.

“It’s alright, I know you still miss that guy.” Chanyeol smiles at him.

Baekhyun smiles back.

“Besides, at least it is not just professor Lim who’s putting too much attention on me anymore.” Chanyeol jokes and Baekhyun quickly understands or remembers what his husband was talking about. It’s their professor in one of their majors who always criticize Chanyeol’s works.

Baekhyun laughs. “Oh, mr. Lim really hates you. But at least he still gives you good grades.”

“I deserve that grades but for him not allowing me to stand up the whole class because i’m too tall? I don’t deserve that.”

Baekhyun laughs again as he remembers that. They continue talking about their professors and their classmates. He cannot believe he could still remember some of them. Chanyeol even does some of their professors that makes Baekhyun laugh.

They continued on talking until they’re both finished washing up and they both need to go to their separate rooms to change.

“I’ll see you later.” Chanyeol says. Baekhyun thinks his husband looks cute holding a little basket with his toiletries.

“Yes, and the class after that.” Baekhyun says, he cannot stop grinning after all the talking and laughing he just had with Chanyeol.

“And the class after that. Then lunch with our doofus friends. Then another class after that.” Chanyeol’s smile also doesn’t leave his face. “We really got a lot of time to talk about professor Lim.” he jokes, that made Baekhyun giggle.

“Then we’ll need to sit next to each other.” Baekhyun says.

“Definitely” Chanyeol responds.

They look at each other, smiling for a couple of seconds before finally parting ways in the school grounds. Baekhyun cannot help his smile as he walks alone. Little did he know, Chanyeol is the same, but with a heart beating triple time.

Baekhyun is already in front of his door when he abruptly stops. He was thinking of the first time they really interacted back in the real 2003 and it matches with what just happened. Baekhyun can never forget how him and Chanyeol first became friends. They got to play beer pong in a party and since then, talking to each other didn’t seem so awkward anymore.

Just like what happened.

The first time they really talked was on that party Luhan was talking about when Baekhyun first woke up in this 2003. Then they also had breakfast back in the real 2003, but Jongin wasn’t jealous of Baekhyun showering Chanyeol attention, Jongin was just surprised that him and Chanyeol are finally talking and are finally friends. Then they also met in the public bathroom, but they only talked about professor Lim and agreed to sit next to each other on their next class.

Everything that’s happening is the same with what happened before. Does that mean he cannot change anything?

_

Their day goes with Baekhyun sitting next to Chanyeol every class they have together. They are becoming close and can’t stop talking to each other that they don’t listen to their lessons anymore. Baekhyun’s longing towards his husband starts to fade with every second he spends with Chanyeol. They get along so well again that he cannot help but get so absorbed with Chanyeol all over again.

Even at lunch when everybody was there -- even Junmyeon and Kris -- the two of them are so engrossed with each other. They are still talking about their professors and classmate, their course, and why they took it. Then there’s Chanyeol talking about himself and Baekhyun secretly being so happy because he already knew all about that. Chanyeol also asks him questions which Baekhyun are happy to talk about again. They are getting to know each other all over again.

They were cut off when Kris suddenly clears his throat.

“What did I miss? Why are Park and Byun best friends now?” Kris says, teasingly looking at Jongin who’s talking to Junmyeon. Though he’s holding Baekhyun’s hand under the table.

“Bee jumped at Chanyeol yesterday and cried on his neck.” Luhan tells his brother.

Kris moved back to China a year before Luhan. From what Luhan’s email told Baekhyun, Kris was arranged to marry a woman in China. Baekhyun also saw him with his wife and child in a baby store back when him and Chanyeol just had Kenji.

“Well, I guess there’s only one person happy about that!” Kris shouts and laughs while looking at Chanyeol. Chanyeol frowns but also blushes.

They all look at Chanyeol, confused on why would Chanyeol be happy about that. Baekhyun guesses Kris knows about Chanyeol liking him that’s why he’s teasing him.

“- and that is me! I was just kidding!” Kris continues and laughs alone.

“I guess there are really two weirdos here. Baekhyun and you.” Junmyeon mutters.

_

Baekhyun told Jongin to meet him at a bench in the school grounds. It’s the secluded part of the school grounds where Baekhyun and Chanyeol usually go back when they were still in college. It was their spot.

It is already dark when Jongin arrives and Baekhyun is already there, waiting for him. Jongin is still in his basketball jersey and Baekhyun’s classes are all finished anyway. He parted ways with Chanyeol when the man still has a club to go to.

Baekhyun then decided to break things off with Jongin. He’ll need to do it as soon as possible to know if it will make any difference. He doesn’t want to hurt Jongin but his friend will hurt more if he doesn’t do it now.

Jongin sits next him and puts his hand on Baekhyun’s lap. Then proceeds on kissing him before smiling.

“What is it you want to talk about?” Jongin says.

Then Baekhyun just blurts it out.

“Let’s break up”

Jongin is silent for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at him.

“Why?” His friend has no expression on his face. “And please, please, be completely honest with me. Is it because of Chanyeol? Is that why you two are so close now? Even the other night at the party and you jumping at him yesterday?”

“What?! No!” Baekhyun lies but it is kind of true.

It is about Chanyeol because he’d really end up with Chanyeol but it is also not because Baekhyun isn’t really from this time.

“Then why?” Jongin asks. He is so well with hiding what he’s feeling that Baekhyun can’t even read his tone.

For a moment, Baekhyun thought of telling his friend the truth. That he’s really from 2018 and that’s the reason why he’s freaking out yesterday. Maybe his friend could even help him. But he doesn’t think the fate will be happy if he does that, so he stopped himself.

He also takes a deep breath before speaking.

“It’s not about Chanyeol or anything. Things are just really complicated right now, especially after I woke up yesterday. There’s something in my mind that I can’t get out and there’s something I need to do to figure things out. And dating you right now isn’t helping much. I don’t want to involve you in this issue with myself. I’m really sorry.” He explains even though it will not make any sense to Jongin.

“Is this about the guy?” Jongin says and finally sounding mad. “That guy in your dream that you didn’t tell me about but you told Chanyeol. That guy you really miss and has a lot of similarities with Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun doesn’t really know what to say.

“That’s right, Chanyeol told me. I asked him what you two did yesterday, he told me about that stupid dream you had.” Jongin continues.

He doesn’t know what to tell his friend. He doesn’t think anything would make Jongin feel better, after all he was also hard headed and full of pride back when they were still young.

“I’m sorry” was all he can say.

They stare at nothing for a few minutes before Jongin speaks again.

“Fine let’s take a break. Just when I thought you’re not being weird anymore, you suddenly breaks up with me. It’s alright, I know you’ll come back to me after that phase.” his friend says and Baekhyun really is astounded with how different he sounds. “I’ll see you around.” Jongin says before standing up and leaving him alone.

Baekhyun thought that didn’t went well for a moment until he realized it didn’t really matter because it is not his real goal. His goal is Chanyeol and he could just make up with Jongin and be friends with him again.

He comes back in an empty dorm room and decided to go to bed early. He finished his once again school works anyway and he really wants to know what will happen tomorrow.

_

Baekhyun wakes up again with an alarm clock ringing. He wakes up Luhan again by annoying his friend to have breakfast. Luhan agreed to come with him anyway but this time they go straight to the canteen. He doesn’t have any reason to fetch Chanyeol now that he broke up with Jongin. Though he really wants to have breakfast with his husband; He’ll see him later on their classes anyway.

But it surprised him when Jongin and Chanyeol arrived while he and Luhan are in the middle of their breakfast. What surprised him even more is when Jongin sits next to him and kisses his cheek then greets him.

“Good morning babe. Why didn’t you two came in our room?” Jongin asks him. He sees Chanyeol glancing at them.

“Uhm-” he was cut off with Luhan talking.

“Because we think you two are already capable of walking here by yourselves.” Luhan unnecessarily snaps.

“But I really like waking up with you by my side not by Chanyeol blasting NSYNC.” Jongin tells him and it’s making him nervous how his friend is talking so normally. Because if it was the real young Jongin, he wouldn’t even dare to be in a same place with Baekhyun after their break up last night.

“Hey! NSYNC is great! It’s already bad that they went on a hiatus.” Luhan comments. Chanyeol just nods.

Baekhyun ignores Luhan and looks at Jongin instead.

“Come on let’s get some food.” he says so they will be away from Luhan and Chanyeol when he asks Jongin if he remembers anything.

Jongin agrees and takes his hand as they walk away from their table. When they’re far enough, Baekhyun quickly asks him.

“Hey, don’t you remember anything that happened last night?” he asks, not mentioning that he broke up with him.

“What? Why? What happened?” Jongin asks curiously.

“You don’t remember us meeting in the school grounds? Around 9?” his head is starting to spin when Jongin shows no clue of knowing what he was talking about.

“I was at basketball training...and you said you’ll need to finish tons of school works so we cannot see each other.” Jongin explains, confused why Baekhyun is asking him this. “Did you have a dream again? That we met at the school grounds? What is it about this time?” Jongin smirks and chuckles.

Baekhyun did not even hear what his friend just said. He’s thinking too hard about what’s happening.

The way Jongin is acting, he’s definitely telling the truth. His young friend was full of pride back when they were still dating and he would never lie about something like this. His friend is a jock and doesn’t just chase exes around. Jongin could quickly replace him. So he’s definitely telling the truth about them breaking up last night didn’t really happen.

Then that must’ve mean that he cannot change anything. He could do things differently but the results will still be the same. He’s just here to experience everything once again. He’s just here to fall in love with husband once again.

He just hope he comes back at 2018 on the right time, because he cannot think of losing Chanyeol once again.

They come back to their table holding everyone’s breakfast. Baekhyun is still in shock and was just staring at his food. He snaps from his thoughts when Jongin mentions they will have a game tonight and everyone, especially him, should be there, “to cheer your boyfriend up” his friend specifically says.

“Oh! And also, we’ll go out on a late night date if we win.” Jongin tells Baekhyun

Baekhyun just laughs awkwardly and Chanyeol didn’t fail to notice it.

_

They come to the gym after all of their classes are finished. Baekhyun comes with Luhan and will just meet the rest of their friends there. Jongin and Kris will play tonight so all of their friends are present, including Chanyeol.

He had all of his classes with Chanyeol and they still chat and gossip like always. But they didn’t talk about anything else other than the topic in their class and the way their lecturers look. Though he’s still happy to have his husband’s presence with him the whole day. He’s even more happy to be with him again before the day ends.

They arrived inside seeing Chanyeol and Junmyeon sitting on the bleachers just behind the players’ seats. Jongin and Kris are already warming up in the court along with the other players.

Luhan greets Chanyeol and Junmyeon when they sit next to them. Baekhyun and Chanyeol being in the middle while Junmyeon and Luhan are on their sides.

“Hey, you’re early.” Baekhyun says, smiling at Chanyeol.

“We gotta be early. Junmyeon here secretly likes Kris and wants to see him as soon as possible.” Chanyeol intentionally says it louder for his friend.

“Who would like that slipper looking guy?” Junmyeon protests.

“Hey! That’s my brother you’re talking about!” Luhan shouts. “But you’re right anyway.  He does look like slippers.” Baekhyun and Chanyeol both laugh at their friend.

The game starts and they are all cheering for their friends. They are all shouting and cheering on the first quarter with Luhan even singing for his brother and Jongin. Then they all got tired around second quarter and just sit while eating some snacks. Junmyeon is busy talking to someone sitting next to him while Luhan is also busy talking to a player in front of him. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, on the other hand, is busy on their snacks, so Baekhyun starts talking.

“Why don’t you play basketball?” he asks. Chanyeol glances at him and a smirk forms on his face.

“Why are you asking?” Chanyeol replies.

“Nothing, you’re tall. You could easily dunk on the ring.” Baekhyun says, also glancing at Chanyeol

“A lot have told me that. But look at me, i’m lanky and clumsy. I’d fall on my first step inside that slippery court.” Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun knows Chanyeol is clumsy sometimes but he’s far from lanky as time passed by. He might be when they were still in college but his work as an engineer and constantly on construction sites really changed his physique. Though the clumsiness is incurable.

Baekhyun chuckles.

“But you easily catched me the other day when I jumped at you.” he says, looking at Chanyeol totally this time.

“well...I was just surprised so I was able to do that.” Chanyeol excuses, also looking at Baekhyun by his side.

“Really? You held me quite strongly that time.” Baekhyun teases. Chanyeol smiles at him.

“You are quite a light weight in my protest.”  Chanyeol says and they are now both looking at each other, forgetting about the game in front of them.

“Then why did you told me to get down because you’re getting tired of my heavy weight?” Baekhyun continues. He likes teasing Chanyeol like this. His husband always ends up getting cornered then reveal something about himself. Baekhyun thinks it’s cute he always surrenders first.

“It was adrenaline rush-” Chanyeol was cut off with Baekhyun raising an eyebrow and smirking at him. “Okay fine you win, but quit making me play basketball. I’m a lazy ass, i’d rather eat fondue on my bed than practice basketball at noon.”

Baekhyun laughs at his husband’s confession and Chanyeol laughs along with him. He knows about Chanyeol being lazy and would rather stay at home than do outdoor activities. Though Chanyeol really likes taking trips, he just doesn’t like too much outside work. -- which is ironic with the profession he chose -- but still, Baekhyun knows the farthest Chanyeol could get on basketball is only in arcades. And the farthest Chanyeol could walk outside is towards the supermarket, when they’re already out of snacks.

“It’s alright. I also do not like outdoor activities. I’m also a lazy ass who would rather fall asleep while playing sudoku.” he says, making Chanyeol chuckle.

“Same, I like falling asleep on scrabble.” Chanyeol says.

“Yeah” Baekhyun continues. “ and the only thing I like outdoors are picnics.”

“We should do that, while playing sudoku and scrabble.” Chanyeol says and they both laugh.

They continued talking until the third quarter. Their chitchat dies when the fourth quarter comes and game is getting more intense. Though they’re still talking to each other, taking bets on who would shoot next, cheering for their friend at the same time and laughing at each other from time to time.

Baekhyun is genuinely having a great time again with Chanyeol. And his husband never fails to show him how much he’s also enjoying Baekhyun’s company.

The game finished and their team won. All of them are cheering and celebrating as the four of them decided to go to the gym locker to congratulate Jongin and Kris. Luhan is all hyped up annoying Junmyeon as they walk towards the lockers. While Chanyeol and Baekhyun are laughing at him.

“We should all go out for drinks!” Luhan suggests.

“Yeah! Let’s ask them.” Junmyeon agrees.

“Oh! I don’t think we can…” Luhan says and glances at Baekhyun. They’re already nearing the gym locker. “Our little Bee here is going out on a date with one of our players.” Luhan teases and winks at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun completely forgot about that. He just hopes Jongin won’t remember it too and his chatterbox of a friend won’t spill it also.

“Oh, yeah, hehe” he awkwardly laughs.

But it’s useless because Luhan and Junmyeon are teasing him more as they get into the lockers. Luhan seems even more excited than he is because his friend squeals and pinches him.

“Do I need to sleep on someone else’s room? You know, you two might need ours after the date. Let’s just hope he’s not that tired.” Luhan even says.

“You’re disgusting.” Baekhyun says as a frown forms on his face. Junmyeon laughs and Chanyeol is just walking silently.

Luhan continues on teasing him until they reach the lockers. They instantly see Kris and Jongin and congratulate them.

“Congratulations! You two were great!” Luhan shouts.

They all went in to congratulate and greet the two. The six of them even chat a little bit and laugh a little bit as the siblings mock each other. The gym locker is crowded with the players and also some friends that are congratulating them. It is kind of loud but it is really clear when Luhan brought the date up.

“So Jongin, where are you taking our Bee here?” Luhan asks, leaning his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Jongin looks surprised with what Luhan just said. Then he glances at Kris then at Baekhyun apologetically.

“Oh god, I’m really sorry babe.” Jongin says as he touches Baekhyun’s arm. “I forgot about what I said. We have this celebration along with the players and our coach tonight. I’m really sorry, i’ll make it up to you.” his friend says.

“It’s okay” he smiles a little but inside he’s really happy he dodged that date. He doesn’t know what to do if ever that happens. He’ll be so awkward being on a date with his friend.

They bid goodbye to Kris and Jongin as they decided to go back already. Luhan stopped teasing Baekhyun because of what just happened. All of them even went quiet on their way out, thinking Baekhyun is upset about Jongin missing their date. Luhan even hugged him ‘for support’ and Baekhyun really wants to laugh. But he just goes along to keep his act.

On their way to the dorms, Luhan excuses himself after he received a text message from Minseok.

“I’m really sorry too Bee. I know you’re sad right now and you need a friend but I have needs too. So i’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Luhan says.

“Gross” he says before Luhan dashes off shouting “bye!!!”

Then Junmyeon part ways with Baekhyun and Chanyeol as his dorm is on the other building. He also bids them goodbye with his eyes half closed. That leave only Chanyeol and Baekhyun walking.

They are quiet for a few seconds until Chanyeol speaks first.

“Are you really sad about earlier?” Chanyeol asks him. Baekhyun glances up at him.

“I’m not really ups-” but Chanyeol doesn’t even let him finish.

“You want to get some ice cream? So you know, your sadness might lessen.” Chanyeol offers him a small smile.

Baekhyun chuckles before nodding.

Baekhyun forgot that they’re allowed to go outside campus even at night. He was worried where would they get ice cream in the middle of the night until Chanyeol held the sleeve of his hoodie and pulled him towards the gate. Chanyeol grips his clothes instead of holding his hand as they walk towards a convenience store. He laughs when Chanyeol starts humming NSYNC.

“You really like NSYNC?” Baekhyun asks. He cannot remember if Chanyeol really liked bands before. For all he knows Chanyeol usually listens to ‘oldies’ songs.

“I don’t. This song just really got stuck in my head and I hate it!” Chanyeol whines and Baekhyun laughs.

“Then why do you blast it on speakers if you hate it?” Baekhyun asks.

“I don’t know! It’s catchy!” Chanyeol almost shouts and Baekhyun laughs more.

“Look at you, getting frustrated over a song.” he teases.

“It really is frustrating. I want to sing other songs but this is just getting in my head. Quick! Help me, sing other songs. “ Chanyeol says shaking his arm.

Baekhyun laughs and sings the NSYNC song. Chanyeol groans but still sings with him. They sang the whole time they’re walking. They reached the convenience store with Baekhyun laughing so much as Chanyeol starts dancing.

They got a weird look from the person behind the counter as they continue singing while buying ice creams. They sat on the high chairs inside the store and start eating ice cream even though it’s really chilli.

“We should’ve just bought coffee instead of ice cream.” Chanyeol says after he sees Baekhyun hiding his hands with his sleeves. “Look at you, you’re shaking”

“Nah, I know you like ice cream even if it’s cold.” he says. He remembers Chanyeol eating ice cream during winter and getting a cold after.

“Yeah, isn’t it nice fighting cold with cold?” Chanyeol says. “Wait, that sounds really stupid.”

They both laugh and start eating their ice creams anyway. But in the middle of their eating, Chanyeol suddenly asks him.

“Hey, the other day, how did you know that I like coffee instead of hot chocolate? Then water after that?”

Baekhyun cannot think of an excuse. They were not that close yet when he acted like that and Chanyeol never really say what he likes. He just shows people what he likes.

“Uhm...I like those so I guessed you would like it too.” Baekhyun says and Chanyeol’s eyes widen.

“We really are alike you know. We have so many things in common. Do we also have the same hobby?” Chanyeol asks him.

“Well, I like fiddling on stuffs to relax or when i’m bored. You?” Baekhyun asks, staring at Chanyeol..

Chanyeol looks so big with his small spoon for the ice cream. His hair also looks so messy but that only adds up to him looking so cozy on his huge sweater.

“You saw that small house I was building. I only get to do it whenever i’m bored or when i’m all tensed up.” Chanyeol explains.

“So you were tensed up when I was in your room?” Baekhyun remembers Chanyeol who cannot stop working on that small house when he was there.

“Well...you were freaking out. I honestly didn’t know what to do that time. You look so sad and even just looking at you makes me sad too. Then you stopped crying and I really thought I was the reason why you were crying.” Chanyeol explains, looking at his hands but glances at Baekhyun from time to time. “So when you were in our room, I was tensed up because I didn’t want to make you cry again. So I asked you to do the house with me, because it calms me and maybe it would calm you too. I didn’t want to see you so sad again.”

Baekhyun is honestly speechless. This definitely didn’t happen on the real 2003 but he knows Chanyeol is really this thoughtful. He was rarely a close friend to Chanyeol that time, but the man still saw through his emotions and actually cared.

“That’s really sweet. Thank you.” Baekhyun says quietly and smiles at Chanyeol.

“It’s nothing, really.” Chanyeol smiles back at him.

“I must’ve freaked you out when I cried so much in front of you after we’ve just hung out for the first time.” Baekhyun says and they both chuckle.

“You kinda did, but I really didn’t mind. We really had a great time at that party so we are already friends and all of my friends are welcome to have a break down in front of me.” Chanyeol says. Baekhyun wants to laugh at how his husband is friendzoning him right now.

“That brought me to think, why do we never hang out before? We get along so well.” Baekhyun says, finding a way out of friendzone.

“Well, we do get along so well. You’re the only person who can stand me, talking about cement.” they both laugh. “I don’t know. I was too shy to talk to you before.” Chanyeol says and looks at him.

Baekhyun didn’t notice how close they are sitting next to each other until now. When Chanyeol’s face so close to his. He wants to kiss every inch of that face in front of him and their proximity is not helping. He’s starting to miss Chanyeol again.

“Why?” he asks.

But when Chanyeol only stares at him then takes a deep breath before looking away, Baekhyun already knew why. Chanyeol likes him but cannot talk to him because he’s dating his best friend.

Baekhyun wants to apologize for making Chanyeol feel that way. But it’s really useless in his situation right now.

“But at least you talked back to me when I started talking to you.” Baekhyun says albeit not really remembering what exactly happened.

“Yeah” Chanyeol says quietly.

They eat in silence for a few moments before Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol already recovered from his sudden dejection over not being able to ask Baekhyun out, when he starts talking about cats. They continued talking about little things and got bored inside the convenience store.

“Hey, let’s chase stray cats then pet them.” Baekhyun says.

“Sounds fun, let’s do it.” Chanyeol pulls his sleeve again.

They left the convenience store and really chased stray cats in the middle of the night. Their laughs are booming on the streets and they’ve never felt so happy while having only each other’s company.

Baekhyun is also happy to have all of this again. It was the rarest times like this that make him remember how Chanyeol stole his heart before.

_

Baekhyun woke up and he’s still in 2003. Luhan is also still gone so he doesn’t have anyone to annoy to come and have breakfast with him. So he layed a little bit more on his bed and starts thinking of the things that are happening.

He tries remembering the events before, maybe it will give him a clue or a head start on what’s gonna happen today. He knows he’s been working himself out with his situation right now, but as far as he can remember, he’s not yet this in love with Chanyeol around this time. He knows they would still get a lot closer and eventually hurt Jongin.

He doesn’t notice he’s just staring at the ceiling when the door bursts open. Baekhyun kinda expected it is Luhan but surprisingly it is not. It is Chanyeol, still on his pyjamas and bed hair. He’s smiling as he scratches his back as he gets inside..

“Good morning” Chanyeol greets him, getting comfortable on Luhan’s bed.

Baekhyun is so happy right now with Chanyeol inside their room so early in the morning.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, amused by his husband who’s getting so comfortable with him again.

“I was waiting for you and Luhan to burst in our room and get breakfast with us, but you two didn’t came...so I did.” Chanyeol smiles while his legs are crossed and he’s looking like a big baby. Baekhyun laughs at Chanyeol.

“Is that our new routine now?” Chanyeol nods at Baekhyun gets up from his own bed. “Well sadly but not so sad, Luhan is not here.”

Chanyeol blinks a few times before looking around then looking back at Baekhyun who’s now standing in front of him. Both of them looking so cozy with their bed heads.

“Oh, I didn’t notice he’s not here.” Chanyeol says and Baekhyun bursts into another fit of laughter.

“You’re literally sitting on his bed right now.”

Chanyeol blinks again for a couple of seconds before also laughing at himself. “I’m sorry, i must still be high from sleep.”

Baekhyun chuckles, because if Chanyeol is still high from his sleep then he must’ve just got out from his bed. He didn’t really waited for Baekhyun and Luhan. He went straight to Baekhyun’s room right after waking up.

Baekhyun smiles fondly at him before releasing a sigh. Chanyeol really is precious.

They walk together on the school grounds towards the canteen. Chanyeol started kicking away his slippers as they walk, that makes Baekhyun laugh so loud early in the morning. Then Chanyeol noticed the dried drool on Baekhyun’s cheek that also got the taller laughing so loud.

“Hey, where’s Jongin?” Baekhyun asks.

“He’s still asleep. Wanna go there and wake him up?” Chanyeol puts back his slippers and Baekhyun nods.

They went to Chanyeol and Jongin’s room but it was empty. Chanyeol forgot Jongin told him that he will have a morning basketball training. So the two of them ended up going to the canteen all by themselves. They got their food and sat on their usual place when they noticed none of their friends are present.

“Kris is with Jongin for sure, but where is Luhan and Junmyeon?” Baekhyun started picking his green peas to put on Chanyeol’s plate.

“Junmyeon also has baseball practice. Want to go there and watch later?” Chanyeol sips on his coffee.

“Yeah! Soccer team must be there too, so Luhan should also be there.” he says, amusement evident on his face.

“I forgot Luhan is canoodling with that soccer player.” the both of them chuckles.

They finished their breakfast and decided to go straight to the fields even still being in their pyjamas. The two of them sat on the bottom of the bleachers, they saw the baseball team going on with their practice while the soccer team is stretching on the side.

Baekhyun looks around, finding Luhan. Then there he spots his friend also sitting by the bleachers, ogling Minseok who’s showing off in front of him. Baekhyun laughs at his friend. Chanyeol also noticed what he’s looking at then also starts laughing.

“Really, what are they?” Chanyeol asks.

Baekhyun shrugs, shaking his head. “I really don’t know.” he says before finally shouting Luhan’s name.

Luhan instantly heard him and snaps his head towards their direction. His eyes widened then looks away out of embarrassment. Baekhyun and Chanyeol continue on laughing at him before Luhan stands up and walks towards them.

“I hate you two.” Luhan mumbles when he arrives and sits next to Baekhyun. Chanyeol stands up, looking over Junmyeon who’s playing in front of them but still hasn’t noticed their presence.

Baekhyun laughs and even though Chanyeol is not looking at him, Chanyeol can feel his cheeks heating and his heart starts beating triple time.

Baekhyun starts talking to Luhan about Minseok. Teasing and mocking his friend about the soccer player. Luhan on the other hand is being sassy but a blush is evident on his face.

Moments later, Baekhyun is in the middle of talking to Luhan and suddenly, Chanyeol is in front of him and a loud sound coming from his back. As if a really hard thing just hit Chanyeol from behind. He is so alarmed especially when Chanyeol’s face is contorted as if he’s in pain.

Baekhyun quickly looks at what happened and he sees a baseball bat lying on the ground. He looks up and sees the players looking at them. Then one of them shouts.

“I’m really sorry!”

Baekhyun ignores them and stands up to check on Chanyeol. “Where did it hit you? Does it hurt? How hard did it hit you? Well obviously it would hurt, i’m sorry. Oh my god.” Baekhyun starts blabbering and looking at Chanyeol’s back.

“It’s nothing, it’s alright.” Chanyeol says, chuckling.

“It’s not nothing nor alright! Where and how did it hit you?” Baekhyun says sternly.

“Here” Chanyeol points on the small of his back. “They were doing exhibitions and one of them lost grip of the bat, hitting the bleachers.”

Baekhyun processed what happened. If Chanyeol was standing right in front of him when the baseball bat hit him, then it must’ve been going to Baekhyun’s direction. It should’ve been him who would get hit, but Chanyeol stood in front of him to block the bat.

“You blocked the baseball bat that was coming towards me?”

“It would hit you in the face!” Chanyeol argues.

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to argue back with that. If Chanyeol didn’t see that baseball bat coming, he would’ve had his teeth all knocked off.

They decided to go back to the dorms. Luhan hit the public bathroom before going to his classes while Chanyeol and Baekhyun go straight to Chanyeol’s room to check his back. Baekhyun was right when he thought it would bruise. A round purple bruise is now evident on Chanyeol’s back.

Baekhyun insisted to put a cold pack and ordered Chanyeol to lay on his front. When he knew Chanyeol is already settled, he decided to go back to his own room to get ready for their classes.

An hour passed and Baekhyun is in the middle of looking at his clothes. He’s thinking about what just happened. If it also happened before, it must have, but he cannot fully remember.

He was surprised again when the door suddenly bursts open and reveals a small house sitting on a platform being held by a tall form who’s struggling to get the huge thing through the door. Baekhyun scrambles to help him and set it on his bed.

“Why did you bring this here? Why did you stand up? You should be laying down and res-”

“Come on! It’s just a small bruise. And I brought it here so that you could work on it even when i’m out.” Chanyeol cuts him off.

“Why? We could’ve just work on it in you room.” Baekhyun says, looking up at Chanyeol’s tall figure.

“Well, after these past few days, you’ve been so out of your mind. Always tensed, anxious...emotional-”

“Weird?”

Chanyeol chuckles. “Yeah, but really...I brought it here so you could relax. You said you usually like fiddling on your things whenever you're anxious. So you could put your mind into something else whenever your plate is piling up. So you know, you would have a thing to do to forget things for a little while.”

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol as he explains. He stares again for a while before speaking.

“You’re giving it to me?”

“Yes” Chanyeol replies without hesitation. “But let me also work on it once in a while. You could work on it, I could work on it…we both could work on it-”

Chanyeol is also cut off when Baekhyun once again jumps at him. Wrapping his arms around the taller’s neck and his legs around Chanyeol’s hips. But this time he is laughing as Chanyeol struggles to hold him.

“Thank you so much! You’re really sweet aren’t you?” Baekhyun says, really happy and flustered at what just Chanyeol just did. He knows how that small house means to his husband -- well he already knows Chanyeol gave him that but he forgot it was around this time -- For Chanyeol to care so much for him, he’s falling in love with his husband all over again, how they get along so well, how they relate so much with each other, how Chanyeol cares for him, how Chanyeol is so obvious with his infatuation towards Baekhyun, he’s seeing everything again. Chanyeol is stealing his heart all over again.

Chanyeol only chuckles but Baekhyun can feel his heart beating so loud through their chests.

_

It has been weeks and he’s still in 2003. Living his life back when he was still 20, going out with his friends, going to classes, stressing over deadlines, meeting again people and so on.

Once they all sneaked out at night to go to this bar, all of them are present including the basketball players who would have an early training the next day and yet, the two tagged along. And of course, as Baekhyun’s boyfriend, Jongin is all touchy to him making up for the days he was busy for basketball training. It was alright for Baekhyun since he also misses his friend but not the way Jongin sees him as his boyfriend and was being cringey the whole night. Baekhyun also wanted to laugh so hard at the bar they went, it was so 2003 with the disco ball in the middle of the dance floor, with early 2000’s pop songs and what almost break him was the way everybody dressed. Almost every guys including his friends are wearing baggy pants and huge ass shirts. He forgot that the hip hop was the trend before. Even Chanyeol was wearing this huge chain necklace the Baekhyun wanted to choke him with. It was only him who was wearing decent clothes and yet he was the one who was laughed at by the group.

His classes were also not going well for he already forgot most of the lessons. It’s also not helping that he’s really here to spend time with Chanyeol again because he forgets to listen and just chat or do silly things with him. He was once called out and was told to repeat what the lecturer just said but he wasn’t listening because he was busy pulling out Chanyeol’s dead hair. He was so embarrassed after just standing for a minute, stuttering then suddenly walked away.

Chanyeol laughed at him the whole time they were having lunch. Baekhyun was so embarrassed he forgot to eat and was just hiding his face with his hands the whole time to block Chanyeol’s teasing.

But Chanyeol brought him lunch anyway, for him to eat during their afternoon class since the taller noticed he didn’t ate any, also, as an apology for him teasing Baekhyun so much. He also promised not to tell any of their friends.

After the fiasco Baekhyun promised to do well next time, just for the sake of his reputation while he’s here. He promised himself to do well on this paper they were told to do but after hours on working on it, he found himself in tears and so frustrated over a project. Luhan walked in on him crying over it and was so amused he had to tell everybody about it. Because not a minute later, his friends were inside their dorm room just to see him cry over a project.

Everybody was laughing and cooing at him as Luhan caress his head.

“Don’t worry babe. We’ll help you.” Jongin told him but was instantly blocked by Junmyeon.

“What do you know about structural design?”

Jongin didn’t answer for a few seconds before he started stuttering. Everybody was laughing but not Chanyeol who was looking at Baekhyun worriedly.

That was why Chanyeol stayed when everybody left for their classes, also Jongin who’s becoming so occupied the past few weeks and the only hint of being his boyfriend is when Jongin kisses him goodbye. Baekhyun forgot that was one of the reason why he always hung out with Chanyeol before. Jongin had another world where he didn’t belong.

Chanyeol stayed and helped him with their project. They stayed up all night and even forgot to have dinner. So when they finished, the two of them were so tired and yet so happy to finish everything.

It was also the first -- or the second first time -- they shared a bed. They were so tired Chanyeol crashed onto Luhan’s bed and the two of them were instantly in slumber. Not until Luhan came back and kicked Chanyeol off his bed. Baekhyun was guilty that he was the one who tired Chanyeol out, so he offered half of his space. Chanyeol was hesitant for a moment but he was really tired and accepted Baekhyun’s offer.

It was around this time that Baekhyun can feel that Chanyeol is really falling in love with him hard. His husband cannot stop staring at him as if he wants to say something but can’t. He’s been so affectionate and caring towards Baekhyun that sometimes he forgets what’s holding him back. He’d do anything to spend time with Baekhyun, to talk to Baekhyun, to hang out with him and everything.  He can see how frustrating it is to Chanyeol but he cannot do anything about it because things would still turn out the same.

That’s why tries his best to show Chanyeol he feels the same but eyes are always everywhere. There was this one time he tried to hold Chanyeol’s hand, and the taller let him but they saw Junmyeon from afar, looking at them without any expression. They quickly released each other’s hand but Junmyeon already walked away.  Then next day, Junmyeon was ignoring them both.

_

It is friday night when they were invited to a party again. It is in some student’s house near the campus, that’s why a lot of students would sneak out tonight. Their group of friends didn’t have trouble with that so they arrived just in time as the party starts.

Jongin and Kris are quickly preoccupied by the other basketball players who are present. Junmyeon was also quickly taken away by the baseball team. That left Luhan with them who’s all hyperactive whenever they’re in a party.

“Drinks! We should have drinks!” Luhan shouts even though the music isn’t that loud yet.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol chuckled but agreed to their friend. They found booze and sat down as more people arrived. But with the hyperactive Luhan with them who’s not allowed to flirt and be distracted by other men tonight because he’s now in a committed relationship with that soccer player, the two were the only people Luhan could annoy.

“Come on! What are you two? Chaperones?!” Luhan shouts at them. “Baekhyun! You were not like this before, what’s happening to you?”

“I’m already a middle aged man. I don’t do this anymore.” He wants to say but only smiles at his friend.

Luhan groans. “Come ooooon”

“What’s happening here?”

Jongin suddenly appears and sits beside Baekhyun. He’s already happy that his friend is occupied by his teammates so he doesn’t need to dodge every kiss his friend is giving him or avoid every touches. Baekhyun also doesn’t like Chanyeol getting worked up with him and Jongin.

“These two are so boring to be with.” Luhan whines.

Baekhyun sees the other students setting up a karaoke. His eyes widen and quickly looks away. He hates karaoke, he remembers being forced to sing in front of hundreds of students who were in the party back then by getting him intoxicated. His friends know that he’s really confident whenever he’s drunk, so they get him to drink a lot. That’s the last thing he wants to happen again so he thinks of a way out.

“Okay, what do you want to do?” he asks Luhan. His friend’s face lightens up.

“Let’s play beer pong!”

Jongin also wants to join so Chanyeol has no choice but to also join. But as Luhan’s partner because it’s already automatic that Baekhyun gets to play with his boyfriend. They start setting up but Jongin is starting to get touchy with Baekhyun. His friend won’t let go of his waist and he can see Chanyeol glancing at them.

When everything is ready, the four of them are actually excited to play. Luhan is trash talking them while Chanyeol smirks on his side.

“You’re doomed Jongin, you’re paired with a weak ass.” Luhan says.

“I am not!” Baekhyun protests.

His friends laugh including Chanyeol so he mentally notes to himself to be extra good this time. He also doesn’t want to get drunk.

The four of them start playing and Baekhyun is determined not to lose. He’d rather have a drunk Luhan than himself. But the first one to get a point are Luhan and Chanyeol that just added up to them teasing him. Baekhyun huffs as he gulps down the booze. Even Jongin is teasing him.

That’s why him and Jongin got the next two points. Making Chanyeol drink two cups of booze because Luhan is really good at this. Baekhyun is happy to not drink any more booze but he’s not that happy about Jongin getting all touchy whenever they celebrate a point. His friend would kiss him and at one point, even touch his ass.

He moves away and chuckles awkwardly before going back to play. He’s so busy trying to get away from Jongin that he doesn’t notice his boyfriend noticing it. He’s also so busy trying not to get drunk that they kept getting the points and Chanyeol has to keep drinking.

By the time there are only two cups left on Luhan and Chanyeol’s side, him and Jongin celebrates another point again. He’s so happy and forgets that he’s trying to avoid Jongin, that he unconsciously puts an arm around his friend’s neck while they’re laughing and cheering for themselves. That gives Jongin a chance to pull him closer and kiss him. He tries pulling away but his friend only pulls him even harder and the next thing he knows his friend is kissing him on his neck.

Luhan whistles and he pushes away his friend with a little bit of force.

“Come on let’s play.” he says and clears his throat, putting distance between him and Jongin.

He looks up and sees Chanyeol looking at him. The man takes a deep breath before looking away.

After that, Chanyeol got himself more booze albeit him and Luhan losing. The game finished and left three more cups on their side. Luhan is already tipsy and it only adds up to his hyperactivity, that he starts annoying strangers.

Then there’s Chanyeol who’s far from tipsy. His husband is avoiding his gaze but is already drunk so he still catches Chanyeol glancing at him from time to time. Chanyeol is really talkative when drunk, that’s why when they decided to go back and sit inside, his husband starts explaining why they lost. Then he also starts talking about cement again, which Baekhyun would find really funny and Chanyeol really adorable for talking too much, but he’s been thinking of how Jongin acted earlier. He knows they are together and his friend has the right to do that, but he also knows the reason why Chanyeol got drunk is because of that.

That’s why he puts distance again between him and Jongin when they all sit down to watch some students sing on the karaoke.

Baekhyun is starting to get sleepy when Chanyeol raises his hand. The students are asking who wants to sing next.  

“Me! I’m gonna sing! I want to sing!” Chanyeol shouts.

Baekhyun chuckles and just lets his now overly confident husband sing in front of also drunk students.

“Hi! I’m Chanyeol, BS in civil engineering” Chanyeol says, standing in front where the karaoke are. The students who aren’t that intoxicated yet starts cheering for him. “I hope you all are having a great time because I fucking am!” he shouts on the mic, earning another cheers from the students. “And now i’m gonna sing, my best friend’s girlfriend.” Chanyeol looks at him when he said the title of the song, as if telling it’s for him.

But Chanyeol’s eyes stays on him as he starts singing.

“I'm selfish, I know
But I don't ever want to see you with him
I'm selfish, I know
I told you, but I know you never listen
I hope you can see the shape that I'm in
While he's touching your skin
He's right where I should, where I should be
But you're making me bleed”

He starts off in tune. Some are quietly listening to him and some are cheering for him.

“Oh! I’m in love with my best friend’s girlfrieeeend
Didn’t see that coming my friend?
I didn’t too
Never intended to, but she’s the one i’m intoooooo”

Chanyeol starts squeaking. He also starts swaying then closes his eyes.

“Tempted, you know
Apologies are never gonna fix this
I'm empty, I know
Promises are broken like the stitches
I hope you can see the shape I've been in
While he's touching your skin
This thing upon me, howls like a beast
You flower, you feast”

But Chanyeol is really drunk and trips on himself as he sways. The crowd start laughing at him when Chanyeol lands on his ass to the ground. That’s when he opens his eyes and found Baekhyun again. The music continues in the background but Chanyeol’s no longer singing. Everyone can see how tired he is when he just speaks the lyrics, and changing them even.

“Oh, i’m in love with my best friend’s boyfriend. I never intended to, but...he’s really beautiful, the way he laughs, the way he speaks, how he makes me feel, how he makes me laugh, how we get along so well, then his eyes...those are really beautiful-” Chanyeol hiccups. “He’s also so cute too.” he giggles that made the crowd laugh again. “Cute button nose that I want to squeeze, clear skin that i’m so jealous of, then plump pink lips that...that I really want to kiss again after that day he kissed me.”

That’s when he notice Chanyeol’s eyes are getting clearer and it’s looking right at him.

“I have liked you for a very long time, and now I think i’m falling in love with you.” for a moment Chanyeol looks sober. “But Jongin had you first.”

That earned a lot of gasps from the crowd. Luhan quickly got in front, snatching Chanyeol away from where he’s sitting. “Okay that’s enough karaoke.”

Then everyone starts whispering and looking at Baekhyun and Jongin who are both seated at the couch. Baekhyun glances at his friend by his side who’s only staring at the floor with no emotion on his face.

He’s been so busy looking at Chanyeol when the man was confessing earlier that he didn’t notice his friend getting all worked up by his side. Jongin saw Chanyeol looking at Baekhyun and he heard his own name at the end, and that only means everything Chanyeol said is for Baekhyun.

He tries touching his friend but Jongin is quick to move his arm away.

“Jongin-”

He is cut off with Jongin standing up and walking away. He sees Kris following Jongin who’s pushing away anyone on his way.

Baekhyun takes a deep breath when his head starts spinning. He cannot remember this happening before, only a few but not clearly so he doesn’t know what to do next. He’s upset that they just hurt Jongin and made him furious but he cannot change anything. It’s what happened before, and he’s only here to see it again.

He looks up and sees Luhan struggling while dragging Chanyeol. His husband is so drunk that he's already half unconscious and cannot even stand by himself. Baekhyun quickly stands up to help Luhan.

They got a cab to get Chanyeol back to the dorms. They needed to walk his huge husband through the the school grounds because the gates are the farthest the cab could go. That is why their backs ache so much after they reached Chanyeol’s dorm room. It was empty and Jongin was nowhere to be found. Baekhyun is worried about Jongin all upset and has to sleep somewhere else just to avoid them but he cannot do anything about it because he knows it will just upset his friend even more.

Chanyeol is already sleeping when they placed him on his own bed. Luhan is groaning as they sit on the ground for a while to rest their bodies.

“Do you like him back?” Luhan suddenly asks.

Baekhyun hesitates to answer even though he already knows and knows too well the answer for that because it’s the 2003 Luhan who’s asking. But then, Luhan is his friend. His friend will not do anything to hurt him or the man he loves.

He doesn’t answer but he smiles a little and nods.

Luhan sighs but smiles back at him.

“As long as you’re happy, i’ll be happy too. Just please end things first with Jongin before you start anything with Chanyeol.” Luhan says.

“I’m really sorry, I will.” Baekhyun says, not noticing the the tears on his eyes.

He’s just so overwhelmed with everything. He loves Chanyeol so much but in order to be with him he had to hurt his friend. Though he’s also happy to be in 2003 to experience everything again, and Luhan is really doing a great job as his friend. Baekhyun will miss him when he comes back in 2018.

“Oh come on, don’t cry.” Luhan groans but opens his arms anyway to hug Baekhyun. Baekhyun wipes his tears and chuckles as he moves next to Luhan to hug his friend back. “Don’t worry, i’ll support you with all my might.”

Baekhyun looks at his friend and smiles. “Thank you”

Luhan smiles back. Then they’re quiet for a moment, resting for a minute before they could go back to their room.

“That big old lump of yours is really sweet when drunk isn’t he?”

“Yeah”

 _

Baekhyun wakes up feeling different, as if his chest is really heavy. Then he realizes, he’s nervous. Early in the morning and he’s already nervous as if his body knows something will happen today. But he ignores it and proceeds on zoning out again.

Moments later, Luhan’s alarm goes off and surprisingly, his friend is quick to wake up. Luhan has one of his eyes closed when he looks at Baekhyun and noticed he’s zoning out again before laughing.

“I still don’t know why you do that every damn morning.” Luhan says, chuckling while he gets off his bed. His friend didn’t even bother to fix his bed and goes straight to him to pull him up. “Come on, let’s get some double bacons.”

Baekhyun snaps out of his zoning out and looks up at his friend before nodding.

They walked toward the canteen and Baekhyun is quick to see Chanyeol sitting and eating alone when they arrived. Luhan goes to get them some breakfast while Baekhyun proceeds to sit with Chanyeol.

But he’s surprised when he finds their table empty as he arrives. He sees Chanyeol already walking away.

A crease forms on his eyebrows. His husband is avoiding him, but why?

Seconds later, Luhan arrives holding their food.

“Oh, where’s Chanyeol?”

“He’s avoiding me, I think.”

Luhan only sighs.

They start eating quietly but with Baekhyun thinking of talking to Chanyeol later during their classes. He just hopes his husband attends even one of them. He’s also thinking of talking to Jongin, he knows his friend is really mad at him but at least he got to try and explain himself. He needs to do something to at least lessen his friend’s anger.

Luckily, after they finished their breakfast and on their way to the public bathrooms, Baekhyun finds Jongin walking alone on the school grounds. He doesn’t know why but his friend looks sad instead of angry.

So he quickly walks over Jongin, forgetting about Luhan who’s walking with him. Jongin did not see him until Baekhyun’s already in front of him.

Jongin was about to walk away when Baekhyun quickly grabs his hand.

“Please, let me explain.” he begs.

Jongin looks at him with no emotion on his face. It reminds Baekhyun of that day when he tried to break things off with Jongin but didn’t work; he can never read his friend and it’s really hard.

Jongin tries to get away again but Baekhyun holds him tighter.

“Please, listen to me first. i’m sorry okay?” he feels tears on his eyes. Maybe this is the reason why he woke up nervous, because he has to hurt his friend again today.

Jongin stops getting away from him.

“I’m sorry you had to find out that way. I’m sorry that I never told you. I’m sorry that-” he’s cut off by Jongin.

“That what? That you were never gonna tell me?” Jongin says, and this time Baekhyun can see his emotions. He can see how defeated his friend looks. “I had to find out from Junmyeon that you two had been so close behind my back. That you kissed him that day!”

“I’m sorry” he reaches out for his friend. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“But you did! With my best friend!” Jongin shouts. “You think I didn't notice how you’ve been avoiding me? How you’ve changed? I just have to know one thing, do you love him too?”

That moment Baekhyun wants to tell him everything. That he’s from 2018 who just went back in 2003. That he married Chanyeol and built a family with him. That he and Jongin became friends after and they lived quite happily. Except that he knows if he does, Jongin won’t believe him and all of the other things he will say. So he just opted to say the things he should have said the first time everything happened.

“Yes... i’m sorry for that. It’s my fault that I cannot control what I feel. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier and fail our relationship. I’m sorry that it costed you your friendship with him. I’m sorry to make you feel this way.”

It hurts that he had hurt his friend the second time around.

“It’s not your fault you don’t love me that way. You should have just dumped me, and I’m not mad that you two are in love, i’m mad because you made me look like a fool.” his friend’s words hit him harder than he thought, that he doesn’t know what to say anymore. He doesn’t think he’s even worthy to be Jongin’s friend.

“I’m sorry” was all he could say.

“It’s alright I just-” Jongin gently pulls his hands away. “I just need space, I need time and that’s the least you could give me.”

With that, Jongin walks away leaving him crying alone.

Baekhyun’s plans of finding Chanyeol on their classes are ruined, for he’s the one who didn’t attend any. He can’t find himself to move or leave their room. He failed Jongin and Chanyeol is avoiding him.

He can’t feel a thing even if he cries himself on his bed. It really hurts to hurt your friend on purpose and can’t do anything about it. He doesn’t know why fate is making him do this again, to feel this again. Even if he knows him and Jongin will be friends again, he can’t stand seeing his friend looking so betrayed and defeated.

The door suddenly opens. He’s not expecting it to be Chanyeol and it really isn’t Chanyeol. It is Luhan who doesn’t have a clue that he’s just crying and not really sick like what he told his lecturer.

His friend gasps when Baekhyun looks up at him and his eyes are all red and puffy.

“Oh, you little thing.” Luhan mumbles before climbing on his bed and putting his head on his lap. Luhan caress his hair as he sobs on his friend.

“I’m a horrible person.” Baekhyun mumbles.

“You are” Luhan replies and he sobs even more. “But you only followed what you truly feel, and it’s even more horrible if you kept on being with him while you really love another man. So think of it, it’s best that things already ended.”

“But not this way! He’s mad at me. I betrayed him.” he shouts out of frustration. Sitting up to look at Luhan.

“Well you can’t always get things right!” Luhan shouts back. “You messed up, so what should you do? You make it up with him. What did he say he wants?”

“Time and space” he answers.

“Then give him time and space! Wounds don’t suddenly go away. You let it heal.”

It did, but it took time. Jongin will ignore them for two years and again he can’t do anything about it.

“What about Chanyeol and I?”

“Well, Jongin can’t be mad that you really love each other.”

Yeah, that’s what he said.

Luhan convinced him to at least eat dinner. They went out but his friend had to leave in the middle of them eating. So he was left alone eating while some of the students look at him and whisper.

He doesn’t remember how everything went downfall like this. But everything went better after years. He knows because it already happened. Everything will be alright. Right?

He decided to go the bench in the middle of the school ground, the one they call ‘their spot’ but it isn’t their spot yet. Not until him and Chanyeol are already together.

As usual, it’s dark and quiet where he sits. It really didn’t have any nice or good view but it’s secluded and quiet. He could be alone where no one will barge in suddenly.

That’s what he thought.

Because minutes after sitting alone, he hears steps and rustles coming from the bushes. He looks at where it’s coming from and he sees a tall figure who’s dangling his arm on the bushes as he walk. He’s also looking down and not yet noticing Baekhyun’s presence.

Chanyeol abruptly stops when he finally looks up and sees Baekhyun looking at him and sitting on the bench where he’s going.

He was about to walk away when Baekhyun shouts.

“Oh come on! Just come and sit here! Please?!” irritation is evident on his voice.

“I don’t think I should-”

It irritated him quickly. How can they do this if Chanyeol wouldn’t even come near him? So he just blurts out the thing he knows will make Chanyeol talk to him.

“I love you too! Okay?!”

Chanyeol was not able to speak or move for a couple of seconds. He was just looking at Baekhyun before he finally walks over to him.

He sits beside Baekhyun, saying nothing. Hiding the erratic beating of his heart.

No one said anything for a moment before Chanyeol finally did.

“I guess, you deserve a proper confession.”  

Baekhyun wants to snap at him but can’t bring himself to. His irritation fading because he can see how Chanyeol doesn’t really know what to do. Luckily, his husband continues what he’s saying.

“Well, i’ve liked you for a very long time. From that day we became classmates on almost all of our classes. I didn’t know you were in a relationship with my childhood friend back then, but it really crushed my hopes when Jongin introduced you as his boyfriend. As you can see, that’s two reasons why I can’t have you, first you’re not single and i’m not like that and second, you’re dating my best friend.”

Hearing it again makes Baekhyun feel so bad for his husband.

“But you’re you. I like how you’re so loud, so funny, and witty. I like that you’re so nice and kind and...I don’t know, you just give this welcoming vibe. It’s just a bonus that you’re really attractive. And all of that makes me really want to know what if I found you first. What if you’re with me instead? But I can’t do anything about it because you’re with him. So I decided to just hide what i’m feeling. I’d rather suffer trying to make my feelings die than create a problem between all of us. But I still did, because when I talked to you to that party and that moment I know this feelings can never die. Then I started falling in love with you. I just never thought you’d return it. Do you? Really?...”

Baekhyun chuckles. Chanyeol doesn’t just know what to do, he also cannot believe.

“I do. Believe me I really do.” and I still do. I still love you even though you’re not really here anymore.

Chanyeol smiles at him, taking a deep breath before his smile disappears. He holds Baekhyun's hand and say with all seriousness. “Good because I really want to be selfish right now. It’s really hard to say sorry but i’m willing to say it a million times to Jongin just so I can have you.”

This is what fate must’ve want him to feel again. That same pace of heartbeat when he first felt it for Chanyeol. That same heat in his stomach. That same pool of emotions pouring out of him. That same feeling of falling in love with Chanyeol again. It was just a chance to see it again, to feel it again one last time before he could finally forget. He’s been suffering enough, mourning enough that the only way he could move on is to see it again.

Now he knows why he’s here.

Closure

It was just a rewind of their sappy love story. It was just to make him remember how it all happened. And he does. He remembers how much he loves his husband in front of him right now.

And again, he pulls Chanyeol for a kiss. This time, he kisses him freely. He just wants to kiss him again like how much he does the first time he arrived here. It is slow and chaste like he wants to feel it one last time, so it can mark and can be remembered.

“Let’s be together.”

Chanyeol smiles at him and finally, kisses him again.

They stayed there for a couple of minutes. Silently sitting and enjoying each other’s presence, but for the first time without worries. Maybe there is, since they still don’t know what to do with Jongin; except Baekhyun does and from what he knows they’ll do it a couple of days later. That’s why right now what matters is they’re finally together. Baekhyun is with Chanyeol again, one last time.

Minutes passed, Baekhyun’s head is leaning on Chanyeol’s shoulder as he plays with Baekhyun’s hand.

“I can’t believe I would ever be with you. You know, you’re like this only thing I wished for and I didn’t think i’d ever reach you. Yes, I have ran over a person just to be where I am now, but...I really want to be with you, and i’m willing to take any consequences for that.”

Baekhyun buries his face on Chanyeol, just so he can hide his tears.

“I also cannot believe i’m here. I really don’t know what i’ve done for fate to bring me here. Maybe it’s just to remind me that I really love you, but I don’t think I could ever forget that. Even for a long time, and even if they force me to. No matter how far you could be. No matter how much it could hurt me, I will always truly, deeply, and completely love you.” he says, but it doesn’t feel like he’s saying it to the Chanyeol in front him him right now, it’s for the Chanyeol in the columbarium.

Then he feels Chanyeol pulling away from him. He looks up and sees Chanyeol looking at him confusedly.

“Baekhyun, is there something wrong?”

Maybe it’s because he’s crying, maybe it’s because of how dejected he sounds, but he knows it’s what he said.

Baekhyun wipes his tears before shaking his head. He took a deep breath before smiling at Chanyeol.

“No, there’s nothing wrong. I’m just so happy to see you again.”

But that only confused Chanyeol more.

“Okay, don’t get creeped out please.” Baekhyun continues.

He doesn’t know why but everything is just pouring out, like he’s not afraid to tell everything to Chanyeol anymore.

Chanyeol nods and also smiles at him.

“I had a dream. It’s us, year and years after this. We got married, we’re only 23 but you’re already on your way to be the head of this construction firm. I’m also doing great with a few projects but you always say that I could even not get one because you would provide for us. I also always reply with it being alright because I do love my profession. You agreed anyway and soon enough we’re already stable. We’re both doing great and so happy. Then we decided to get a house. Since you said, our apartment isn’t enough for the family we would build. And we did got a house, it was this huge house where we think we could raise 4 to 5 children. We slowly filled that house up, full of our memories. Our life has been a roller coaster, full of up and downs but it didn’t matter because you were there.

Then one day, we heard a cousin of mine passed away. Leaving her small, innocent child alone. So my mother asked us to take care of him for a couple of months since my family would be busy for the funeral. The child didn’t even has a name yet, he was just a week old and he looks so small and fragile. I turned down a project just so I could take care of him and you almost got suspended for your constant absence because you wanted to help me take care of him. Everything was a mess, we didn’t know what to do, we ourselves are a mess. It’s quite funny because at the end of the day, we look at him and even with how tired we are, we’re still so happy that we get to spend the day with him. That’s when we decided to finally have him. It took a year process but it’s alright, we loved the exhaustion this cute little bundle of happiness brought. We named him Kenji and we love him so much. We’ve never been more happy, we’re finally reaching our dreams. I was so happy and we’ve never loved each other more. I was so happy to be with you. I was so happy I chose you, and I almost thought it would be just like that, but it didn’t.

Remember that man I said I really miss? It was you. I missed you so much that I almost believed I could never go on without you. I almost took my life when you left. I just never saw a reason to be here anymore. But then I saw Kenji. I could never do that to him. I couldn’t leave him too. But I still miss you much, I couldn’t move on.”

Chanyeol suddenly pulls him. He hugs him so tight, Baekhyun almost believed they aren’t where they were anymore. It feels like this time it’s for real, it isn’t 2003 anymore, but just a way to be with Chanyeol again

Then like the night he went to the columbarium, raindrops suddenly fell.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left like that.” Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun gasps, looking up with what Chanyeol just said.

Then there’s avery loud thunder.

“I miss you too, so much I wished I never left... “ Chanyeol continues.

Baekhyun’s breathing starts to slow down. His chest feels heavy and his sight is slowly fading.

Though he could still feel the rain dropping on him, and he could also still see Chanyeol.

“But I should.”

Then he realized it isn’t his tears that’s fading his sight, it isn’t his crying that’s closing his chest.

“Please take care of Kenji, and please take care of yourself. I don’t want you to hurt like this anymore. Let go.”

It is happening isn’t it?

Just like what happened that night, but this time it’s ending.

The thunder and lightning intensifies, as well as the wind and the rain.

He looks at Chanyeol one last time and his husband says,

“I love you.”

Then everything disappears.  

_

Baekhyun wakes up because of the heat. There’s no alarm ringing or buzzing, it’s the heat that woke him up. It’s too hot and yet he’s wrapped in a thick comforter. Sweat is all over his shirt and also maybe on the bed sheet. He slowly sits up, opening his eyes.

He zones out for a minute, just staring at the the comforter he’s wrapped in. That is until he realizes where he is. He looks around sees the huge bed he’s in, not the small one inside a dorm that is adjacent to another small bed. The room he’s in is neat, white walls, a book shelf and a couple of things that signifies someone lives there. He looks around more and notice he’s not in 2003 anymore.

It’s their house. His house where he and Kenji lives, where Chanyeol lived. The one they bought after they got married.

He’s finally here.

But upon realizing he’s now here, a pool of heat appears in his stomach. It’s sadness, because he didn’t even got the chance to say goodbye to his friends, to Kris, to Luhan -- god he’ll miss Luhan -- even Junmyeon and Jongin albeit knowing they’ll still see each other. But what saddens him the most is the thought of never seeing Chanyeol again-

His thoughts are interrupted with a loud cry of a child coming from outside.

Then it confuses him even more. Just where the hell is he?

Baekhyun quickly stands up and runs outside the room. He knows this house too well that he knows where the cry is coming from.

He runs past two doors before finally reaching the room where the cry is coming from. He quickly opens the door and finds himself at shock again.

It’s Kenji’s room, but it’s still a nursery. There’s still a changing table, a shelf full of diapers and a crib where the cry is coming from.

He walks towards the crib, finding his son crying.

it’s Kenji, his son he missed so much but he’s still an infant. Not an 8 year old who runs around screaming inside their house.

He quickly pick up Kenji in his arms and cradled his son. He starts crying when he suddenly felt how much he missed Kenji. Even though it’s only been weeks, he cannot help but miss him.

“Oh god, dad missed you so much.” he cries as he kisses the infant’s cheeks. “Why are you so small again?”

Kenji stops crying when Baekhyun peppers him with kisses and laughs instead. A loud giggle of a one year old is all over the room. It isn’t just Kenji he missed, but also this Kenji who’s still chubby and small.

Baekhyun cradled and kissed Kenji more until he notices a note hanging on Kenji’s crib. He picked it up and heat suddenly appears again in his stomach. His heart also starts beating triple time when he reads the note.

Good morning!

Gone to work. I turned off your alarm so you could get more sleep. Don’t worry, Ken is still asleep. I also cooked you breakfast.

I love you,

C

It’s happening again. He’s not yet in 2018. Of course, Kenji is still a year old, but Chanyeol is still here. Chanyeol is still alive.

He quickly goes downstairs, carrying Kenji safely in his arms. He needs to see where the hell has fate brought him this time. He already saw Chanyeol again, now he doesn’t know what this is all for.

His heart is beating faster as he goes down. He doesn’t know why but this is not what he felt when he arrived in 2003. This time it felt different. As if fate has a different intention this time. But what is it?

He quickly looked around the living room, panicking and looking for his cellphone. Though he’s careful since he’s holding Kenji. He looks around again and finally finds it sitting on the kitchen counter.

His heart is beating so fast that when he opened his phone, it felt like it dropped on the ground. There he sees the date. Where fate has brought him this time, but now he believes.

It’s August 1, 2011

The day of Chanyeol’s death.

He doesn’t know what kind of sick game he’s in right now but he’s definitely not happy. Out of all days he could come back to, fate gave him this. The day that caused him years of going nuts. The day that damaged him so hard he doesn’t think he could ever be fixed. The day he wished never happened.

But it did, and it’s happening again. Now he’s enraged when he remembers he cannot change anything. He could try and avoid the accident to happen but it would still be the same tomorrow.

He’s just here to see it.

Just like what happened in 2003, he doesn’t know why but he just follows where his body is taking him. Grabbing the car keys, he leaves the house. He sets Kenji on the child seat at the back of the card and got in front, driving away.

He can’t feel anything as he stares outside. It’s the same neighborhood they’ve lived for a very long time. But why does he feel sick of it?

Without any thought on his mind, he only noticed they’ve arrived when their car is just in front of his parent’s house. He didn’t notice he was just staring outside as his head spins and he can’t feel a thing in his chest.

He snaps out when he hears Kenji crying again. He got out of the car, carrying Kenji towards his parent’s house. He knocks a few times before his mother answers the door.

“Kenji! Baekhyun! What brought you two here?” his mother greets them. She looks so happy seeing them.

“Hi mother, can Ken stay here for a while?” he fakes a smile.

“Yes of course! Why? Where’s Chanyeol? Where are you going?” his mother asks, taking Kenji from his arms.

“He’s at work and I have to go to him. He left a blueprint.” he lies.

His mother nods, her smile not fading a little meaning she believes him.

“Oh, alright. Be careful on your way there. I’ll take care of Kenji here.”

He nods, kissing her goodbye on the cheek. Also Kenji, before leaving.

He doesn’t know why.

He doesn’t know why he’s doing this to himself. Maybe because he had let what happened in 2003 to happen again. He saw, felt and experienced everything again. This time though maybe he’ll see it, maybe he’ll experience it. He could also avoid the accident to happen today and maybe spend the whole day with Chanyeol again, for the last time.

He drives silently for half an hour. That’s how far away the site Chanyeol went to today. It’s on top of the hills and later it would rain. The road would be slippery and then that’s it. He can’t bring himself to cry nor laugh nor speak. He can’t feel a thing all over that he almost can’t feel physically.

Minutes passed and he arrived at the construction site. He’s stopped by a worker and he rolls down his window to greet and ask him.

“Hi! Can you tell me where Mr. Park is?” he asks.

Light raindrops starts to fall.

“Oh! Engineer Park? He just left. He said he’s gonna come home early today.”

He gasps.

It’s already happening. It can’t be this early. But it’s just starting to rain. He could still stop this.

He quickly turned the car, driving back from where drove earlier. He’s too numb earlier to notice Chanyeol’s car driving past him. It’s not yet storming, the road isn’t that slippery yet, and if the worker said he just left, then Baekhyun can reach him.

Baekhyun steps harder on the accelerator, going faster than he should.

He could still stop this. He could still be with Chanyeol one last time even if it’s just for a day. He could still see him one last time. He could still save him.

He didn’t notice he’s crying again. Sobbing even that his sight is starting to get blurry. But it didn’t stop him on driving faster.

Baekhyun needs to save him.

Then he sees him.

He abruptly steps on the breaks when he finally sees Chanyeol’s car. It is not yet raining hard, just a few light raindrops and chilly air. He sees Chanyeol standing on the edge of the road cliff, he’s leaning against the railing looking over the view of the hill. The fog mostly covers the city below but it’s still visible and looks breathtaking. Chanyeol’s car is parked carelessly on the side of the road.

Baekhyun steps out of the car, looking at Chanyeol from afar and from what he can see, his husband is crying.

His steps are slow as he stares at Chanyeol. He looks different.

Then his husband wipes his tears, smiling gently. He takes a deep breath and turning around, walking back to his car. He didn’t notice Baekhyun who’s now glued on his spot.

Because everything feels different.

Chanyeol got back inside his car, starting the engine before pulling away. Baekhyun doesn't know why but he’s glued where he is. He cannot move as if he’s just really there to watch.

Then slowly the car pulls away, stopping for a second. Then it launches forward so fast it missed the curb, hitting the railings, breaking it and falling down towards the cliff.

When he first heard the news, they said it was raining. That Chanyeol lost sight because of the rain. He also cannot help that the road is slippery, making him lose control of the vehicle and crashing the railings before the car fell down to the cliff.

They found the car all broken and crushed, with Chanyeol in it. Of course no one could survive a 28 feet fall, be it with a car that rolled a hundred times down the cliff. Chanyeol is sure to be dead.

But now, Baekhyun can’t understand.  

He can’t understand why.

Why would Chanyeol step inside the car and drive it down the cliff?

He doesn’t understand why it’s really not raining, why the road isn’t really slippery, why Chanyeol could still get the car to stop for a while and launch it forward if the breaks was really broken,

Why Chanyeol did it on purpose.

He can’t understand why his husband would do that. For the past years they’ve been together, all he can see through his husband is how happy he is. They were happy. A few little problems is inevitable but not enough to drive his husband into doing this. If he thinks of it, where did it all go wrong?

Was Chanyeol really happy?

Is it real? Or just like Baekhyun who pretended all the time after this all happened?

Is he really planning this all along?

But his husband isn’t like that. From what he just saw in 2003, his husband could never do that to him. To them.

Just the mere thought of it not being a real accident makes his breathing stop. He cannot breathe just looking at now broken railings, down to the cliff where the car fell down.

This didn’t heal him. This cannot heal him. Why would fate bring him here? When it could just bring him to the day where it all went wrong. When he could see that Chanyeol has thoughts of doing this. But he never saw anything from his husband, no signs or anything that he would do this.

Again, is it even real?

He steps forward, slowly walking towards the wreck.

His body is worse as he’s feeling. Everything is spinning, his chest is closing up, he can’t feel a thing and he can’t even cry. His tears are stuck on his eyes and his body is in shock he can’t properly walk. He wants to scream but nothing is coming out of his mouth.

He wants to let it all out but he can’t.

With a few steps he could manage, he almost reaches the edge.

He loves his husband so much, it’s true where they start off is a horrible start. They hurt a friend just to be together. But they regret their actions and took the consequences of Jongin ignoring them for years. They’re also thankful of the fruitful life they had after they graduated. All of their hard work started to pay off. Then it got much better when they started building a family. It was all they wanted, but is it really? Or is it just what Baekhyun wanted?

He doesn’t understand and how could he when it already happened again? How would he know?

Slowly he steps forward, and another step then another. Then he reaches the edge. There he sees the car so far away, all crushed and broken, including his husband in it.

After he saw it, it’s like a signal that he can now release everything. Because tears starts pouring out of his eyes, then a scream comes out of his mouth, everything.

“No!” he screams, falling on the ground.

Then it starts raining. It’s raining hard that it added up to his tears, fading his sight. Without any thought, he tries reaching out. He’s starting to get blind as he sobs on the ground he didn’t notice it getting wet and slippery. With him on the edge and reaching out, the rain blinded him and he didn’t notice he’s slipping down.

Then so suddenly, he lost grip of the ground, also falling down the cliff.

He gasps, feeling himself falling, until he hit a rock and falling unconscious.

_

Baekhyun wakes up because he cannot breathe. His eyes suddenly opens and he gasps for air. Making him sit up suddenly. He opens his mouth to get air because it felt like he’s been holding his breath for a very long time.

He noticed the bright light where he is and it’s hurting his eyes. Like he’s been in the dark for a very long time.

He catches his breath for a moment before blinking to see clearly where he is. Then the blur starts to fade and everything comes clear. He’s in a hospital. He blinks a couple more times to notice Kenji laying down on a couch bed. His son who’s already 8 years old and clinging on Jongin who’s also asleep on the couch, but this time his friend is already a middle aged man.

Baekhyun hears something beeping beside him, he glances at it and sees a machine connected to him.

He’s already in 2018.

Jongin starts waking up because of how loud Baekhyun is catching his breath. And after his friend processed what’s going on, he abruptly stands up, though prying Kenji off him gently.

He feels something on his cheek and when he touches it, he realizes he has been crying.

“Baekhyun, thank god, you’re finally awake.” Jongin says as he goes over Baekhyun. “What happened to you? Are you alright? What do you feel? Let me call a nurse first.”

Jongin got him checked first, before his friend told him he got missing for a day and they found him unconscious in the columbarium. He had alcohol poisoning and he got comatose for two days. Kenji cannot stop crying and all of his friends and his parents are so worried about him. They didn’t know what happened.

Then his parents arrived, they cried when they finally saw him. Junmyeon, Yixing and their children also came. Junmyeon also cried, but they’re now happy that he’s finally fine. Then Kenji got on his bed, hugging him so tight that he also started crying. He missed his son so much.

And when visiting time are finally done, they all bid their goodbyes to Baekhyun, promising to come back tomorrow and until he could be discharged. Only Kenji and Jongin stayed to take care of him since they’re staying in a private room.

Kenji fell asleep on the couch bed again and Jongin was helping him get comfortable when his friend suddenly asks him.

“Why were you crying when you woke up?”

He looks at his friend, smiling a little.

“I had a dream.”