Work Text:
If anyone asks Baekhyun what is love, he will talk about Minseok in a blink of eyes. He doesn’t remember since when he had fallen for the older, but everytime he met him, his heart beat rapidly, his hands became sweaty and his breath seemed to stuck in his throat.
Maybe it was when Baekhyun was five, Minseok taught him the first life lesson. Back then the younger was quite shy and easy to be browbeaten, so when his favorite plushie was robbed by a group of bullies from school, he could only cry and helplessly watched Mr.Fluffy being abused. Minseok appeared out of nowhere, his skinny tiny figure was nothing compared to the bullies, but his eyes flashed a firm threatening look that made them anxious. “Drop it” , Minseok ordered while sucking a lime lollipop that made his tongue turn green. The overweight one, who seemed to be the leader, threw a sarcastic look before roughly pushed him down. Minseok stood up right away, eyes turned dark and immediately plucked the other’s arm backwards. He pressed harder, made the bully screamed out loud. “Get out of my neighborhood”, Minseok let out a muffled threat, then pushed the bully just like what he did to him earlier. Baekhyun’s eyes watched every moves of Minseok in horror, shakingly slid backwards when the older approached him. “Here you go. Next time, fight for what you love, kid” , Minseok gently put the plushie in his lap with a smile, then walked away imposingly. Baekhyun froze, the scene made such a strong impression to his naive mind. He hugged Mr.Fluffy tightly, let the image of his ever first hero soak into his memory.
Or maybe it was when Baekhyun was a teenager, Minseok helped him to find his way back. At the age of rebellion, most boys want to prove themselves in the most stupid way and Baekhyun was no exception. Skipping classes, smoking, fighting with other gangs, there was nothing he hadn’t done. Baekhyun took full advantage of his Hapkido black belt to earn the respect from the gang and the fear from the others. Kids in school were afraid to come across him, teachers were fed up with seeing his face at the office. It gave Baekhyun the most thrilling satisfaction. It made Baekhyun feel like he was the king of the world.
Until one day Minseok saw him.
Baekhyun was superciliously stanning at his gang beating up their favorite victim when he heard a loud thud. Garbage was spilled all over the place under his feet, the strong stinky smell attacked making everybody stop their actions. Baekhyun lift his head, his eyes widely opened. Minseok stood there, a lime lollipop hung in his mouth, throwing a firm threatening look toward them. Everything suddenly became so familiar, as if he was brought back to that day, at his favorite playground, his messy sobs echoed in his head, Mr. Fluffy spattered with sand. Except Baekhyun was not the victim anymore. He was the one that Minseok hated the most, the bully.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Baekhyun’s right-hand boy threw the older a sarcastic smirk. He slowly approached the new victim, getting annoyed by the stubborn look on Minseok’s face. He balled up his fist, ready to punch hard when a sudden shout stopped him.
“DON’T TOUCH HIM!”
“Boss…”
“I SAID DON'T TOUCH HIM”
Baekhyun grinned his teeth, eyes were red and unreadable. His gang stood still, somewhat confused by the change of their boss’s attitude. They watched Baekhyun and the lollipop boy having an intense eye battle, before got out of the scene one after another. Minseok took his turn to leave after a few minutes, didn’t forget to give Baekhyun a frown, leaving a terrified Baekhyun behind.
That evening, Baekhyun rushed to Minseok’s house right after dinner. He flinched around for a good 15 minutes before nervously pressed the doorbell. Each second passed like a loud thud bang straight into his brain. The door swung open, Baekhyun’s hands started to sweat when Minseok appeared behind the door, an unbothered look on his face.
“Min… Minseok hyung…”
If Baekhyun’s gang happened to see this situation, they’d probably mock him for days. The Byun Baekhyun who wasn’t afraid of anything, now timidly standing with his head hung low, running eyes over everywhere but the one in front of him.
“Does it make you feel good?”
Baekhyun lowered his head as he heard the first sentence coming out from Minseok’s mouth. Baekhyun closed his eyes, prepared himself to be scolded.
“Do you remember when you were five? Do you remember how terrible and helpless you was? And you did the same to others? You suppose to understand that feeling the most, don’t you?”
They just stood there, heavy silence hung around the air. Baekhyun was too afraid to say anything, while Minseok patiently waited. He knew Baekhyun was a good kid in heart, he knew this might be just one of those stupid moments of his teenage immature mind, he just needed to give the younger a little reminder.
“I’m disappointed Baekhyun ah.”
A nasty bang directly struck on his head. Shame hit him like ocean waves, washed away all the confidence on his face. How could Baekhyun forget that dark time, when it engraved into his mind and still haunted him in his dream. He just, didn’t want that time to happen all over again. So he made sure that everyone didn't dare to touch him, to disturb him, to find out the weakest spot inside him.
“Go home Baekhyun.”
Minseok waved the younger off with a sigh. He knew he couldn’t change Baekhyun’s mind in a day or two, but he was willing to continue. He planned to talk to the younger tomorrow, until Baekhyun completely realised what he did was wrong.
On the other hand, Baekhyun was terrified. What did that wave mean? Did the older disrelish him? Did the older not want to be friends with him anymore? Being panicked and puzzled, he quickly grabbed Minseok’s hand, said the first thing come in his mind.
“I...I promise I won’t do it again”, Baekhyun stuttered, “Please believe me.”
“Make me.”
The next day, Baekhyun went to apologise every single victims that he used to bully. Some was willing to brush it off, but most threw back a scornful laughter at him. Baekhyun accepted it all. It was the consequence that he deserved anyway. At least his mind was at ease, and Minseok continued to be friends with him.
No one talked about it since then.
Or was it in high school, Baekhyun was not really sure. It was Minseok’s graduation day, Baekhyun and Chanyeol excitedly followed Jongdae to enjoy the “mature” atmosphere. Three greenhorns wormed their way to meet the older, and for the very first time, Baekhyun wished he could stop the time forever. How could a person shine so brightly in simple high school uniform, his soft brown hair blew in the wind, his eyes shone brightly under the sunlight. Baekhyun heard his heart beating rapidly, and that day was forever one of the most beautiful scenes that he engraved deeply in his mind. Baekhyun knew he completely fell in love.
Everyone was aware of Baekhyun’s unconditional love for Minseok. The older surely knew too, but he didn’t show any special reaction about it. He still took good care of the younger like to the others, showed him enough affection to continuously raise the younger’s hope up years after years. Even when Minseok had a boyfriend, Baekhyun tried hard to reduce his affection, but it didn’t stop him from falling harder. Falling for his brighter smiles, his rare mischievous giggles, his prettier choices of clothing styles, although all of that weren’t for him. Watching Minseok being happy with someone else was indeed bittersweet, but it was definitely better than witnessing the older going through his first break-up.
It was terribly cold that day, Baekhyun was walking back home from evening class only to find the older and his boyfriend fighting in the corner of the valley, loud bickering echoing in silent winter night. Minseok sank down after his ex-boyfriend left, eyes red and swell because of crying too much. The younger wanted to say something, anything, but the sobbing mess made all the words stuck in his throat. Hurt was all he could feel. Then helpless, when he couldn’t do anything besides staring at the older like an idiot. And then Minseok raised his head, looked into Baekhyun’s eyes miserably. He quickly stood up, collected himself then whispered Don’t tell anyone before going back to his house. Baekhyun followed him with concerning eyes, Minseok calmly opened the gate as if the crying figure earlier was just his imagination. He knew the older just pretending to be fine, he always pretended to be strong in front of the youngers. He knew how much Minseok loved that senior, all the happiness lingering around the older attacked Baekhyun fiercely. The younger balled up his fist.
The next day, Baekhyun broke his ever first promise with Minseok. He contacted his old gang including Chanyeol to take “special” care of Minseok’s ex. The giant nodded immediately as he stated “Anyone hurt our hyung need a lesson” . It sounded childish, but it gave Baekhyun the satisfaction when he saw that bastard being beaten up. He deserves it , Baekhyun told himself.
From that day, Baekhyun determined to be the best one for Minseok. More than once he made it obvious that he wanted to be more than friends. Everyone could notice something had changed between them two. Baekhyun became bolder, and Minseok somehow just let the younger do whatever he wanted. He called the older by sweet name, bought him presents on special occasions, walked him home after classes and took him out on a date every weekend. Minseok gradually accepted all of these like a habit in his life, which seemed to boost Baekhyun’s confidence up. He believed sooner or later, he would melt Minseok’s heart, all he needed was the right time.
Baekhyun confessed on the first snow. It was one in the morning, and Minseok was shivering at the front gate while Baekhyun was just standing still. He bit his lips, trying to calm the nervousness stirring in his stomach. The older obviously didn’t want to waste his precious sleeping time so he urged the younger to speak up. Baekhyun carefully fixed the older’s collar, pulled the zipper up to cover Minseok’s exposed neck, then took a deep breath.
“Hyung, I like you. I like you a lot.”
Minseok blinked, then responded casually, “Yeah, I like you too.”
“No, I really like like you. Not as a brother, but as a man.”
Minseok blinked again, the younger’s firm look told him Baekhyun wasn’t joking. He knew this would come, but he still hadn’t figured out what to do, so he kept his mouth shut. Baekhyun was shaking, the silence from Minseok made him panic even more. He forced a smile, stuttered because of the cold.
“You...you don’t have to answer now. I’m willing to wait…”
Minseok gave a hesitant nod. He avoided Baekhyun’s determined-yet-terrified look, awkwardly turned around to go back inside.
“Go home Baekhyun ah, it’s freezing. You will catch a cold.”
Minseok gently whispered before closing the gate. Until then Baekhyun let out a deep breath he didn’t even know he was holding. To be honest he was a bit disappointed, but he kept his hope up. It’s okay, Baekhyun thought, At least he didn’t reject.
Despite being positive, a hint of uncertainty crept up his mind. He didn’t show it, but the almost rejection left a huge impact on him. Baekhyun started to question himself, slowly let the self-depreciation take control. His actions became more careful and awkward, he was terrified of facing the older. There were times when he thought of giving up, but quickly brushed it away. No, he already promised to himself, he needed to be the best one for Minseok. If it wasn’t him, it couldn’t be anyone else.
The day Jongdae came to Chanyeol’s studio and talked about Minseok and Junmyeon, Baekhyun’s heart was torn apart. Not only when Jongdae pulled him into a tight hug that Baekhyun realised his body became so numb after sitting still for a really long time. He trusted Junmyeon, without a doubt he would take good care of Minseok. They were best friend and soulmate, Baekhyun knew clearly, Minseok wouldn’t have to suppress a helpless sigh whenever someone didn’t understand his words. Minseok was happy, he should be happy too. But why were tears streaming down his face, why was he rather being death than living with this unbearable pain? Baekhyun had done everything he could, but the truth was always bitter. It would never be enough, it was Baekhyun who kept feeding himself on illusive love. He was always so confident that he was the only one who could love the older than the whole world. Baekhyun was fine when Minseok had his first love, because he knew he was a zillion times better than that jerk. But Junmyeon, he’s different. He was the model of the whole gang, even Minseok looked up at him sometimes. Defeated, Baekhyun hated this so bad. Even years after it’s still unbearably painful.
Baekhyun can’t count how many times his heart being broken, yet he doesn’t want to stop. Minseok has always made him feel like riding on a rollercoaster, and Baekhyun hates the fact that he doesn’t mind that at all. Eight years being in love, Baekhyun just can’t move on. Not when Minseok is sitting right in front of him, looking stunning with light makeup and white suit, a bright smile on his lips. His beautiful brown eyes are looking fondly at the newlywed couple, as if he’s the happiest person of them all. Minseok’s brother, also Baekhyun’s best friend, is getting married today, and Baekhyun can’t help thinking if this day would ever come to him.
“Can you please stop?”
Minseok jumped a bit when he heard the younger, “Stop what?”
“Being so nice to me. How can I move on when you just keep making me love you more?”
“Then don’t!”
“Why don’t you give him a chance?”
Chanyeol suddenly said when Minseok was standing at the counter with an umbrella in his hand, dumbfounded. It was Sunday afternoon, the giant stopped by Minseok’s cafe after burying himself in the studio for hours. Baekhyun just left for his office meeting, he was late but didn’t forget to give Minseok his umbrella in case of raining later.
“All of us can see it, how much he cherishes you”, Chanyeol continued before biting a piece of Kyungsoo’s chocolate muffin, “Honestly I really admire Baekhyun. After all those years, he’s always here, patiently loving you and waiting for you, despite how many times you rejected him. People call him stupid, but he doesn’t give up.”
“It’s not that simple Chanyeol ah”, Minseok sighed as he sat down next to the younger, “He had done so many things for me and given me so much love. I just feel that if I accept his confession, I only take him for granted. I don’t want it to happen, cause Baekhyun deserves so much more, and I’m not worth it you know. I’m not worth it.”
“Hyung…”, Chanyeol gave the older a complex look, the one that made Minseok turn away.
“Do you know what he always said when people asked?”
Yes.
“Cause you deserve the whole world.”
Minseok already knew the answer, but hearing from Chanyeol still made him out of breath. An uncomfortable bubble raised in his stomach, stirring like a rollercoaster. Minseok had always dodged this topic, when someone had a serious talk about Baekhyun with him. Not that he didn’t care, but rather he was afraid of it. To be honest he was overwhelmed, no one had given him so much love like the younger. He wasn’t ready for this, so he chose to run away. He wanted to return something big to be adequate to what Baekhyun had done, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t want to disappoint Baekhyun.
“Minseok hyung…”, Jongdae carefully called his name, “You know I always want you to be happy right? And Baekhyun, he always makes sure to give you the best. You know it too, don’t you? A guy like him is really hard to find, don’t let your happiness slip away.”
“But…”
“Hyung, listen to me”, Jongdae let out a small sigh, “We all can see how genuine your smile was when you were with him, how your voice softened when you spoke to him or how your eyes sparkled when someone mentioned his name. I’m not saying this to force you or anything. But please don’t ignore your feelings.”
Chanyeol flashed him an encouraging smile, “Think about it hyung. Give yourself a chance too.”
Minseok smiled as he recalled the incident. The point is he always worries too much. He tends to vision various scenarios, from worse to worst, then distances himself to avoid being hurt. There’s no such thing as happy ending , Minseok thinks, even at his happiest moment, even when he’s surrounded by people that love him undoubtedly. But Byun Baekhyun, this little kid, constantly proved that he was wrong. Maybe the kids were right. Maybe everything doesn’t have to be so complicated, maybe he should give both of them a chance. After all, Baekhyun is the one who knows him so well, what terrible things can the younger do? Didn’t Minseok think of the worst situation before? That one day Baekhyun would finally give up, spend his gentle care and puppy smile for someone else. If that day actually comes, Minseok really doesn’t know what to do.
“Wh...what did you just say?”
Baekhyun’s stammer snaps the older out of his thoughts. Minseok repeats with a firmer tone that Baekhyun knows he is serious.
“I said ‘don’t stop loving me’.
Baekhyun hears every words loud and clear, but he can’t help wonder if this was just a dream. His heart suddenly beats so rapidly, his body aches as if he was hit by a truck, body hanging in mid air before smashing on the ground. Hence it doesn’t matter anymore when the older slowly approaches him, his thumb carefully caresses Baekhyun’s beautiful hand.
“I was being selfish to you, I wanted you to keep loving me but never returned anything, to the point that I felt guilty. I was grateful, really, you gave me so much love and patience that I didn’t even deserve. I didn’t want to take you for granted, so I kept push you away. I wanted you to find a better person, but my heart was paining so bad whenever the thought popped up on my mind.”
Minseok pauses, gives the younger another tender smile. Baekhyun wants to say ‘ no ’, wants to assure that there’s nothing to worry about, that Minseok is perfect just the way he is and he loves every parts of him, but the older motions to him to keep listening.
“Then I talked to Chanyeol, and realised how stupid I was. A kind-hearted like Baekhyun would never leave me behind, a patient Baekhyun would never give up on me, despite being ignored and rejected a thousand times. You slowly took an irreplaceable place in my heart, made me smile and warm no matter what happened. I like you Baekhyun, I really do, not as a brother, not as a friend. And I’m sorry for taking so long to finally realise that.”
Baekhyun freezes in his seat. The unexpected confession from the older is too much for him to take in; the overwhelming joy bursts in his lung, crushes his ribs and explodes like fireworks. He wants to say something, anything, but his stupid brain doesn’t work properly anymore, his talkative mouth decides to shut tight in this crucial moment.
“I don’t know if I still can say this…”, Minseok gives a soft smile while looking directly into Baekhyun’s teary eyes, “but will you please kindly guide my heart to go the right way?”
Baekhyun’s puppy lips curve into a beautiful smile. Of course he is willing to. Because it’s for Minseok, and Minseok deserves the whole world.
End.