Chapter Text
What's the point in living if you never die? I wondered this a lot when I became a vampire.
Humans had a purpose, a reason to live. They knew they were dying so they made the most of the short time they had.
But a vampire? Death was never on the horizon. There was no ambition to get up and get something done. There would always be a tomorrow. Always enough time. I could wait a century to get up and do something as simple as brushing my teeth.
I hated my existence, hated what I had become.
But later I came to realize that even a vampire had a reason to live.
First it was dance.
Then it was my best friend Taehyung.
Then nothing.
And finally Namjoon.
I loved him. Hated being away from him. Existing was enough if I could see him smile. If I could be with him.
I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. We we're stretched out on the sofa in the living room of the apartment we shared, enjoying an afternoon together while both of us had time off of work.
Namjoon laid atop me, back to my chest, music playing through the surround sound. He was working on something. For him.
Usually he composed songs for other artists, but this he had said was for him. He wanted me to hear it first.
"Well?" He asked.
"Do you like it?"
I could tell he was nervous. He was fiddling with the rings on my fingers.
"It's beautiful, Namjoon. I always told you that you have an amazing voice."
He rolled over and buried his face in my neck. I could feel the heat from his face and knew he was embarrassed.
"Stop. It's horrible. I really can't sing."
"That's not true. Have you heard yourself in the shower? I love your shower acapellas."
Namjoon chuckled, deep and muffled from where he had his face pressed. The ticklish feeling made me squirm, laughing along with him.
But more seriously, when we both calmed down, I said, "This is just the guide right?"
He sighed, nodded, and pressed his face closer.
"You can always do better when you record it. You're really improving and you're already amazing." I waited a moment to see if he would respond or move but he didn't.
"And the lyrics you wrote.... It's so beautiful. The way you sing it makes it so comforting. It's YOU and no one else could do that."
I felt him relax at that. He knew I was right.
Namjoon wanted to help people through his music. If he could comfort someone or even lessen their pain a little, it was enough. And he never wrote something that didn't have meaning to him.
"I..."
I weighed my words for a moment, carding my fingers through his ash blonde hair, wondering if I should say them.
"There were a few tracks I really love. I - If you'd let me - I'd like to use them."
Namjoon sat up and quickly paused the music he was playing through his phone then looked at me with surprise.
"You mean in a class?"
"Not at first," I said quickly. Nervous now.
"Just for me. Work on the choreography for it. Then maybe use it in class. I'd show you first."
His smile was beautiful. That soft curve that he saved only for me. "You like it that much?"
"Of course. I always... I always thought about dancing to something you made. And It's perfect for contemporary dance." I sat up to meet him, brushing my hair back.
"It's beautiful. And it's yours. And I want to dance to it."
He took my hands again, twisting the rings around. "You can't right now. I have to finish it. But when it's done...
"I'll let you do it. And someday....I'll make a song. Just for you." He said, squeezing the Carter ring he had gotten me on our anniversary last year.
"I promise."
I grabbed his hands to stop his fiddling. "Are you serious?"
Namjoon seemed even more embarrassed now for some reason. I pressed a cool hand to his flush cheek which he leaned into, closing his eyes.
"Of course."
"Namjoon..."
I was amazed by him, again - always. I didn't deserve the amount of love this human gave me... But I loved him for it all the same.
He sighed softly, warmly, right against my palm and kissed it, opening those almond eyes but not looking at me.
"I'm..." He paused to glance briefly at me, worried, nervous, doubtful.
I wanted to press and ask what was wrong, but I knew to be patient. Sometimes he needed a moment to work out his thoughts, so I just sat and stroked my thumb over his cheek bone, moved to caress the mole below his lips, back across his jaw and finally stopping to rest my thumb over his surprisingly steady pulse.
My tender actions of affection seemed to calm him a lot. "I'm actually working on something now. I have been for a while." He looked back at me to see my reaction, and smiled at the look I had.
Eyes wide and lips parted, I couldn't actually believe what he had said was true.
He was working on something. For me. Had been for a while. How long? Why didn't he tell me? Had he wanted it to be a surprise? I felt beyond surprised.
"It's not even close to being done. I can't get the vocals right. Im happy with the lyrics, though it's a bit short, but for a dance routine I think it's perfect. I kept that in mind. I just need to change -"
Namjoon kept talking but I couldn't focus. He always rambled when he was nervous, so it was best to wait it out until he calmed down. Though most times I just stopped him with a kiss or something.
It suddenly reminded me of something. Something important.
I'll never forget.
That day.