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The door to Alastair’s room shut and they fumbled together to lock it. Matthew took deep laboured breaths between kisses and groaned when Alastair pushed him against the door. Alastair gasped and shushed Matthew, but instead it made him giggle madly.
“Shush! Stop giggling!” Alastair genuinely sounded fearful, but Matthew knew that no one could hear them.
“Make me,” He whispered huskily into Alastair’s ear. His face colored and Matthew brushed his thumb on Alastair’s cheek.
“You’re insufferable,” Alastair glared, but his hands were wandering down Matthew’s torso. Matthew gave him a smirk and pressed his lips against Alastair’s jawline. He held Alastair’s hands and guided them to unbutton his top. Alastair made a small whimpering noise and they collapsed onto the bed. “W-wait…” Alastair smoothed down his shirt, and Matthew lifted his head.
“Yes?”
“I…” Alastair swallowed and looked downcast. “I want to be certain.”
“Of what?” Matthew paused, his stomach knotting in apprehension.
“I want to be certain of your… courtship.” He answered.
It was Matthew’s turn to blush a deep red, and he collapsed onto the mattress to cover his face. After a moment he peeked up to see Alastair staring expectantly at Matthew. Matthew took a deep breath and righted himself, scooting closer to Alastair and reaching out to rub him arm gently.
“I care immensely about you Alastair. I’m frightened, and unsure of how one would court another man, but I pray that you’ll forgive my inexperience…” He gazed into Alastair’s dark eyes, to convey not a rejection but an acceptance to a commitment, whatever that may entail.
Alastair gazed back and nodded, biting his lip. He rested his forehead upon Matthew’s, and Matthew pulled Alastair close. Alastair’s instinct was to remain rigid and closed, but he relaxed into the hold, melting against Matthew’s chest. He fiddled with the half opened shirt and swallowed as he became lost in the deep green of Matthew’s soul, through the window of his eyes.
“I am inexperienced as well,” he admitted. “All I know is that I get enchanted by your presentation, your personality, your fearlessness. It used to infuriate me, I thought I envied you because I wanted to be you… but it was because I wanted to be with you.”
“I am very pretty to look at,” Matthew agreed with a winning smirk. Alastair nudged Matthew with a scowl.
“I’m bearing my heart to you, asshole.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” Matthew teased. Alastair looked away penitently, and Matthew softened his expression. “Alastair… the past is in the past. We hardly knew each other truly, and we were boys.”
“Boys will be boys,” Alastair frowned. “…it’s not a valid excuse for my actions.”
“Maybe not…” Matthew could feel Alastair tense at his words. “but you can do everything you can now to make amends. Also, I vow to help you and myself. I’m not completely guiltless. We can be better versions of ourselves.”
“Promise me you will.” Alastair clutched Matthew’s shirt without seeming to realize. “Please…”
“I pro-” Matthew began but Alastair shook his head, reworking something in his mind. He reached to brush Matthew’s hair out of his eyes and placed his palm upon Matthew’s cheek.
“In all seriousness. I cannot bear the thought of you tormenting yourself with absinthe and forgetting about the people around you. I need you to promise that you’ll do better, and I will promise to do better by you.”
Matthew’s lips trembled, he assumed he was alone with his thoughts, that no one understood the turmoil of drowning himself each night, how he had to pretend he wasn’t aching for more throughout the day. Alastair did not have the context, but Matthew did not blame him. He blamed himself the most, he was the one undeserving of any affection from any body. Before he understood what was occuring, tears began to flow. “I-I’m sorry…”
Alastair wiped Matthew’s tears, and pressed his forehead together against Matthew’s. “Don’t apologize… my only wish for you is that you take more care of yourself.”
“Y-you too…” Matthew blubbered and let out a half hearted chuckle when Alastair narrowed his eyes at him. “…starting with your hair.”
“By the angel, you cannot possibly understand the hours I’ve invested in it,” Alastair whined. Matthew sniffled and allowed himself to smile despite Alastair’s distaste. “There’s your lovely smile…”
“At least you have your pretty eyes,” Matthew added, “No matter how your head ends up.”
Alastair’s aforementioned eyes grew wide and his cheeks colored. “They’re so plain.”
“Not to me,” Matthew admitted. He wiped his own watery eyes with his palm before reaching up and pressing his lips on Alastair’s temple. He trailed them to the eyelids, to emphasize his point. Alastair took a sharp inhale, and knotted his hand in Matthew’s hair to meet his lips. Matthew made a small noise of contentment. After some moments, Matthew took a breath and rolled on top of Alastair, cocooning their bodies. “Have I convinced you?”
“I beginning to wonder if your tears are some sneaky tactic I should be more concerned about.” Alastair mentioned and squawked when Matthew pinched his thigh.
“Rude! I’m a sensitive fellow.” Matthew laughed, indicating he was not vexed in the slightest. Alastair grumbled something in Farsi and Matthew cocked his head.
“What was that?” He inquired.
“I said I hate you.” Alastair said quickly.
“Hmmm so if I were to… ask Cordelia what dooset daram actually means she will tell me exactly what you’ve said?”
Alastair paused, seemingly wrestling with an inner dialogue that Matthew could sense from his stiff posture and the varying directions his dark eyes flitted. Finally he refocused upon Matthew’s face and let out a deep sigh. “I said… I love you.”
Matthew’s face lit up, and he began to pepper Alastair anywhere but the lips in his excitement. Alastair sputtered but giggled slightly when Matthew pecked a sensitive spot. “Alastair your precious to me, I hope you understand that.”
“I understand,” Alastair relaxed into the embrace, sinking into the mattress and allowing Matthew’s body to envelope and comfort him with its warmth and weight. The pair rustled against the sheets as their lips met again, sweet nothings exchanged between breaths. For the moment, at least, the shadow world, the institute, the nephilim politics, all of it was far beyond their minds. There was only each other, no matter their frayed beginnings, the thread of destiny wove itself in the hearts of the two men.