Chapter Text
Tell me something
When the rain falls on my face
How do you quickly replace
It with
A golden summer smile?
Tell me something
When I'm feeling tired and afraid
How do you know just what to say
To make
Everything alright?
I - BELIEVE
MEMBERS OF THE UPCOMING BOY GROUP TO DEBUT ON JANUARY 2014
DEBUT SONG: GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS
IM JAEBUM
PARK JINYOUNG
MARK TUAN
JACKSON WANG
CHOI YOUNGJAE
+ 2 Trainees to be announced
Further discussions on song recording will be done after evaluating the final members. Meeting adjourned.
“MARK! WE DID IT!!!!”, a very excited Jackson screamed while hugging Mark as they got out of the conference room. The announcement of the upcoming boy group has finally been done. Mark laughed and nodded as he looked at his friend. Jackson was still clinging on his arm, “I told you, we’re going to make it.”
“I just can’t believe I’m going to be an actual idol.”, he chuckled and exhaled deeply trying to calm his nerves.
“I’ll call my parents. I might cry. Need to go!!!”, Jackson took out his phone immediately to tell the big news to his parents then walked away when he already felt his tears . Mark also did the same as he pulled out his phone, and then he realized that Jackson already left his side so he went on his own way. He passed by one of the dance studios and peeked inside, one of the tallest trainees and the shorter one from Thailand were being evaluated. He can see how the trainer is amused with the two boys dancing in front of him, despite the young age – which was probably the only thing left to consider them in the lineup.
“Bambam and Yugyeom?”
Mark turned around and saw Jaebum, peeking through the door as well. “I think they’re going to be in the lineup”.
“They are going to get in, I’m sure. And congratulations to you, to us.”
“It’s my second time having a debut but it still feels new. I wish I could give some advice to you right now but I am still collecting my thoughts.”, Jaebum chuckled and looked at Mark. Mark shook his head and tapped the other one’s shoulder.
“I totally understand. For sure, you’re going to be appointed as the leader and managing 6 other members would not be easy. But I promise to help you as the oldest hyung.”, Mark replied and somehow, it eased Jaebum’s nervousness. They stayed quiet for a while, probably thinking about the previous weeks where it was definitely difficult – just like how a student is catching up on his studies to ace the final exam. Their thoughts were cut when one of the managers called out Jaebum for a quick meeting. He tapped Mark’s shoulder before leaving, the other one giving him a “fighting!” sign as a response. Mark continued on his own way.
The rest of the day was the usual – they went back to their daily martial arts training and practices, listened to the demo of their debut song for the first time – and they were also greeted and cheered by the other trainees as their friends were already few steps away from their dreams.
However, Mark still feels incomplete.
Mark was on the rooftop of their dormitory. It’s almost 1 in the morning and the wind was getting colder. If he’d stay a bit longer, he’ll end up having his lips chapped and the image trainer would not be happy again if she sees the potential visual member of the upcoming group would have scars on his lips for the sample profile photoshoot the next day. Mark should be happy – the results of what it seemed to be an endless training and practicing things he wasn’t familiar with at all before will soon open up before his eyes – but tonight, weirdly, he was feeling down.
He was sitting on the floor, looking at the sky. It was very clear; no signs of stars, even the moon was hiding and could not be seen. He sighed and looked down, hugging his knees as he folded them up close to his chest. He sighed again, deeper this time.
“Why do I feel like something is missing…”
Mark wasn’t sure if it was the weather that makes him moody, or maybe he’s just physically tired, or probably the pressure came soon enough than he was expecting. He was broken off from his thoughts when he felt someone sat beside him – warm and familiar.
“You haven’t talked to me today aside from saying Congratulations.”
Jinyoung poked his side gently and chuckled softly. Mark looked up at him and sighed again, taking the hand that just touched him and played with it, just like how he always do.
“Do you think I will do well? I feel like, the world is just being too nice to me right now and will soon take away everything from me when it finally realizes that I don’t deserve what I have and will achieve.”
Jinyoung furrowed his brows and held on Mark’s hand tighter, caressing it. “Why are you saying that? Hyung, I’m telling you – they believe in you. They saw something in you and you never failed to meet their expectations, that is why you are here where you are. Haven’t I told you that aside your cute looks, your charm is something an artist should really have. And you learned so much from the day you have started training, you amazed me on how you have caught up with the other trainees, including myself.”
“You’re saying that because…”
“No hyung. I am not praising you because I like you. I am saying those because they’re true. I have always been honest, aren’t I?”
Mark nodded. He looked at Jinyoung in the eyes. There was always something in the younger man’s gaze that Mark always find it comforting. He always felt the sincerity in him – even back then when he just arrived in Seoul, not even properly communicating as they both had the language barriers, but he still felt the welcome from Jinyoung. And up to this time, he still felt that same comfort and love.
“You always make me feel better.”, Mark said and kissed the hands he was holding. “Okay, I won’t overthink so much again. I will just focus on improving even more, and make you and everyone around me proud.”
Jinyoung chuckled and tackled him to a hug. “Ah, hyung! Don’t worry too much, hmm? We’re still starting and there’s no other way but up!”
Mark finally saw himself smiling again, thanks to the boy who never left his side since he started this new life.
******
II - SINCERE
“I am very thankful… to everyone who supported us…”
Mark wasn’t able to finish his speech at their fanmeet as the emotions already overflowed in him. The rest of the boys, along with the fans, cheered him up – except for Jinyoung who was looking at him, biting his lips nervously as he was trying to control his own emotions. He walked closer and embraced him for a while, before turning to the audience and encouraged them to cheer louder then JB continued the speech on Mark’s behalf after which, the other members followed. Mark, after composing himself, was able to say his thank-you speech again before the fanmeet ended.
“Hyung…”
Mark looked at his hand when he felt someone was holding it as he walked his way back to the dressing room. He looked up at the owner of the hand, who looked back at him with a smile. “Do you want some turtle?”
Mark chuckled at how Jinyoung asked him. He was reminded of the younger version of Jinyoung, who always know if he feels something for the day, would never hesitate to approach him whenever he’s crying. And being someone whose emotions are easily being taken over with, those comforting moments would always happen.
“Okay. Let’s ask our manager if he could drop us quickly in the park and go back to the studio afterwards.”
Jinyoung nodded to the plan and they continued their way to the dressing room to talk to the other members.
“It really does taste like chocolate milk.”, Jinyoung said as he was already halfway done with his ice cream. Sitting close to him was Mark, who seemed still lost in his own thoughts, his ice cream barely touched. “Hyung, can I tell you something?”
Mark went back to reality and looked at Jinyoung, “Y-yeah sure.”
“You look handsome even when you cry, but I don’t like seeing you crying. Because I might end up crying too and I look bad when I cry.”, Jinyoung ended with a soft laugh, trying to cover it as a joke.
“You barely even cry, Jinyoungie. And I’m sorry for being a crying baby. You know me, when I’m just being thankful for everything, I just can’t express it with my words. And little did I know, I’m already shedding ugly tears.”
“They’re not ugly tears. They’re tears full of love because of your pure gratitude. Maybe there’s also a part of me that wants to see that side of you, because it reminds me of how sincere a person you are.”
Mark smiled at his words and looked back at Jinyoung, who is always good at talking, and never fails to make him feel better. He is very sure that those words came from Jinyoung’s heart – they are sincere and full of love, just like how he described his tears. He finally took a bite in his ice cream, which probably already melted even though it was a chilly autumn evening. “You're right. It does taste like chocolate milk.”
Jinyoung laughed and continued on his own dessert, Mark joined him as they take the view of the park filled with bright lamp posts. It was very cold that night, but both of them felt just enough warmth in each other's company.
*******
III - HEAL
“Hyung, send us a message after your check up with the doctor, alright?”, Jaebum said before going to the other van where the other members are waiting. Mark nodded and got in another vehicle with his manager to go on a separate way to the hospital.
As soon as Jaebum got in their van, the other members looked up at him, “Mark hyung said he’ll update us soon, but from the looks of what just happened, it’s better for him to skip the rest of the following year-end stages. And the doctor would probably advise that as well.“
All of them sighed and kept quiet as they go their way to the studio.
It’s been a while since they have done MATs and it has always been a risk to include those in their choreographies. When they received the invitation for the JYP collab stage, they were all excited about it since they never had any much chances of performing with their junior singers. However, they were also nervous when they saw that they’ll be doing MATs – more on Mark and Jackson’s end since they were the ones responsible for the said tricking. They aren't against doing it again at all, though they were worried about the fans since just like them, they also find it dangerous. Nonetheless, they still went through the plan and practiced hard for it to give out the best stage for that night – until Mark landed wrongly and badly injured himself.
As soon as they got the update from Mark and the management – saying that the eldest member would not participate in the following year-end stages and probably might only sit in their upcoming fanmeet, they immediately planned on what they will do as an alternative. They decided not to do much reblockings, a member would cover for Mark in his own lines, Jackson would do the MAT himself (and they prayed he will go through it safely) and so on.
The year-end stages went smoothly, and whenever they are getting together for group photo to post in Instagram, they always make sure that Mark is atleast there, even though not physically. Of course, Mark monitors their year-end performances and is very proud of how the rest of the boys are doing well. He could have cried in joy as well whenever he sees the group pictures in his Instagram feed. How can someone miss a bunch of dorks even though they are practically meeting each other very often anyway?
Speaking of a dork, and someone he really missed, his phone was ringing.
“Hmm.. Jjinyoungie?”
“How are your legs doing?”
“Hmm, still intact. The therapy yesterday helped a lot, I can move around but I still feel the muscles twitching with sudden and big movements.”
“Oh.. that’s good.”
Silence.
“Few hours left before 2018 ends, Jinyoung.”
“I know. 2018 has been a good year for us. It flew so fast and a brand new year will start soon. And I wish you are here with me to welcome the new year...”, Jinyoung mumbled his last sentence.
“I miss you, too”, Mark chuckled. He knows Jinyoung isn’t really straightforward when it comes to saying his own feelings. While the other boys in the groupchat were full of, “Mark hyung, did you see the stage today? We missed you!”, “Mark hyung, we’re going out for some burgers, we’ll bring you some in your house because we want to see you and we miss you!”, “Mark hyung, will you go to JYP today? I can totally carry you in my back!” - Jinyoung’s message would always be either, “How are you doing?” or “Please take a good rest”. But whatever Jinyoung would be saying, he clearly knows what the other meant.
“We’re going live in a few. You’re going to watch, right?”, Jinyoung said in the other line, smiling to himself. It still amazes him how Mark understands him so much.
“I will of course. You did well tonight. You and the boys. I’m so sorry for not being…”
“Sshh. No more apologies like that. It’s not your fault. Just focus on getting better because I cannot wait to….”
“...hug me tight and cuddle with me again before going to sleep whenever you’re here?”
“I was going to say perform with you but I guess you read my inner thoughts again. Hang up now, the boys are getting ready. I'll get going too.”
Mark ended the call with a smile and started monitoring the VLive – laughing on how the guys are noisy as usual and Jaebum giving up on them, calling out Mark's name to help him calm the boys down. It’s a first for him not to be present on a New Year Eve video – but that doesn’t stop him from still joining in his own way. When the lights were turned off for the wishes, he also made a wish together with them – and even blew the candles even though he was just facing his phone screen. The video was about to end as the members were already shouting Happy New Year to everyone, and he did not fail to catch Jinyoung’s words:
“Mark hyung, please get well soon!”
And he knows deep inside Jinyoung meant more something than those. Something that goes with the words, I miss you and I love you.
He laid back in his bed, recollecting everything that just happened in the past few days. When he landed wrongly, most of the people on stage were left in their positions shocked, some of them gathered around him to check on him. Jinyoung was one of the latter ones. Mark has been in so much pain that he could barely stand up. As soon as the manager started carrying him, Jinyoung never left his side until they got outside the building.
Jinyoung also never failed to check him on a regular basis - and there was even a day that he asked Mark on how the doctor was doing the massage therapy, and told him he could do the same thing as well, but at the end, he realized it was such a ridiculous idea since it's more than just massage. Mark, in response, teased him by saying Jinyoung just missed touching his thighs. Jinyoung probably blushed in that phone call. Mark also missed seeing Jinyoung’s ears getting red whenever he is getting teased – in words or physically.
He sighed deeply in satisfaction as he prepares to go to sleep. He may be physically injured, but his heart and mind has always been healthy – thanks to the boys behind his back who are so dear to him, and to the man who always make him feel cared in any way he possibly could. Maybe that’s what love does – it heals a person way more than one can imagine.