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Rosé shivered, even with her large coat to cover her body and a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. The first bite of winter had come some weeks ago, with today finally marking the true beginning of the season with small white flakes floating around her. It didn’t take long for the snow to accumulate--it never does--and so before she was even halfway back to the dorms her feet were covered in it.
Of course, she thought, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She let out a small sigh through her nostrils, feeling the chill creep in where the warm breath had escaped. She clamped a hand over her nose, stifling a laugh. She looked back, only to see the others talking among themselves. She smiled wider from behind her glove, dropping her hand after a moment to place it back in her pocket. Raising her gaze to the grey skies of Seoul, she slowly came to a halt. When the other members passed her, they shot her a quizzical look. Rosé simply smiled at them, waved, and turned around with a brusque, “I’ll catch up to you guys in a bit!”
It didn’t take her long to retrace her steps with her footprints still present as obvious dents in the snow. As she hopped from one to the other, much like she would have done when she was a child if there had been snow in Melbourne for longer than five minutes, she kept her eyes open for a very specific somebody. When she spotted this someone, she found herself becoming less interested in the landscape she had come to love over the last several years of her life and much more so in tackling the small figure several meters ahead of her. She paused to get her footing, and sped forth with all her might, slamming into their back and knocking her forward into a rather convenient snowdrift. Her surprised yelp was only muffled by the snow, and Rosé laughed almost painfully, doubling over to hold her aching stomach.
“What the hell?” Y/N sputtered, turning an accusatory finger on Rosé. She only grinned. “You couldn’t have let me brace myself or something?” she asked incredulously as she stood to dust herself off.
“That wouldn’t have been any fun,” Rosé said with a grin that could have split her cheeks.
“I’m your bodyguard, Rosé, I’m not supposed to be fun,” Y/N drawled, throwing a raised brow her way. It only served to make Rosé laugh once again. The smaller woman shook her head and pulled up her hood.
“If you’re not supposed to be fun, then why is it so easy to tease you?” Rosé inquired, stepping in front of her companion, wearing what she knew to be a genuinely curious expression. The look she received in return made her stomach flip in a way that nearly made her dizzy. A small and playful smile played on the lips of the woman before her. She tilted her head up to look Rosé in the eye and shrugged.
“You guys are too persistent for my ice-cold facade to work on you,” she shot back.
Rosé’s smile hardly faded after that, and as they began their walk back to the dorms together she felt her face begin to hurt--though if it was because of the cold or her grin, she couldn’t tell. She trailed slightly behind Y/N, watching her slightly hunched shoulders and smooth walk with a happiness she hadn’t known since her schooldays in Melbourne. This girl, whom over the course of the last several years had demonstrated her kindness to the members and managers of Blackpink, as well as protected them in numerous situations of questionable safety, had somehow managed to make Rosé one of the happiest people alive without even expressing the desire to be more than friends.
That was the thought that almost made her trip over her own feet. Her smile faltered, and her heart hammered with a brief, intense pain. Her fists clenched in her pockets, and feelings of apprehension persisted even as she proceeded to avoid looking at her the rest of the journey back home. She had only just remembered what she planned to do once they had returned from the poorly timed outdoor fan meet, and the thought almost made her sick to her stomach.
As the two of them neared the building, Rosé raced ahead of her companion and burst through the doors. Her legs carried her to the elevators faster than they ever had before, her hand finding the button by instinct. She stepped in and closed the doors just as she heard the familiar footsteps enter the building. With a jerk, the elevator began the long journey to the upper floors, and she sank back against the steel paneling like it would protect her from her own feelings. Rosé sat silently the whole way up, staring at her reflection directly opposite her. Her eyes, half lidded and stinging with unshed tears, found nothing of note to distract herself. So instead, she closed them. She listened to the hum of the elevator and allowed it to soothe her into a state of partial-awareness, quite nearly falling asleep until she was jerked to a halt. She raised her head, only registering that she had reached her desired destination when she sensed another presence before her.
Looking up, her breath hitched in her throat as she was met with gorgeous narrowed eyes and a concerned crease in Y/N’s brow. Damn those eyes, Rosé thought bitterly. Her bodyguard truly was beautiful, and Rosé hated it nearly as much as she loved it.
“Are you alright?” she asked with a concerned lilt to her words.
Rosé simply shook her head, biting her lip as she pulled her knees to her chest with a defeated sigh. She had hoped that the girl would leave her be, but instead she felt a familiar pressure begin to lift her up, and soon she was being piggybacked down the hall. She couldn't help the smile that formed, despite the twisting, painful jolts in her heart each time she took a breath. She couldn't believe how much she loved this girl.
“So now that you're comfy, do you want to tell me what's wrong?”
Rosé rested her head in the crook of Y/N’s neck with a quiet, “Can we walk like this for a little longer?” As she spoke, she felt rather than heard the laugh that escaped the woman.
“You mean ‘can I keep carrying you around?’” she joked, trying--and failing--to lighten the mood. When she felt Rosé’s dejected nod into the side of her neck however, she let out a small sigh. “Alright.”
Rosé didn't quite recall when she fell asleep, but she woke what seemed to be several hours later in her own bed. She sat up groggily, her eyes searching for a girl she soon realized wasn't there. With a pout, she flung the comforter to one side, walking the few steps to her dresser only to find her pajama drawer empty. Bewildered, she quietly made her way to the door and opened it as silently as was possible.
At least, she thought she had.
She nearly screamed when a small glass of water was thrust into her face. Her eyes, following the arm that held it, landed on the culprit moments later and narrowed.
“Water?” Y/N asked innocently.
“Sure,” she replied with a long eye roll, taking the glass sharply from her grasp. Rosé didn't make it two steps before she heard her melodic voice again, this time answering her unspoken question.
“They're in the dryer.”
“How did you know what I was going to ask?” Rosé questioned, turning to her for a brief moment. Y/N simply shrugged.
“I thought after falling asleep in wet clothes that you’d want to change when you woke up. I grabbed your favorite pair and threw them in the wash, just in case,” she explained, looking down at her phone screen quietly. Rosé realized that her demeanor was quite different--almost tense. It was all too similar to the way she had been when she first became their bodyguard. “It took a little longer than I thought for them to dry, even with the damn thing set to high. That’s winter for you, though.”
Rosé was taken aback at this sudden change in behavior. Her mouth hung ajar; she wished to say something but couldn’t find the right words. She closed her lips and stared down at the floor like it held the answers she sought, but found that the wood paneling was just as silent as her rational thoughts had been for the last several months. She slowly made her way to the small couch that sat upon the only rug in the main room of their dorm, and threw herself onto the firm cushions. With her glass in hand, she watched the walls as the two of them sat in silence, thinking back to their conversation.
“Alright.”
Rosé began to relax after that. Her pulse slowed, and with her arms slung around the neck of the girl she had come to love over the last few years, she no longer needed to support her own shoulders, and so let them slump limply. The more she relaxed, the more she could feel her own heart beginning to sing at the contact, which they’d had so little of as of late.
With her duties as a bodyguard calling her to inspect venues and be away from the dorms more often than not, Rosé often found herself feeling lonely, even in the presence of her other members. She felt as though things were beginning to spiral out of their control, and that Y/N would soon be shipped off somewhere else, or perhaps have her job terminated completely.
She knew it was childish, but the thought had been stuck in her head for months. She had always known that Y/N’s job would be temporary. After all, she had told the four of them that she’d taken it on the side while she waited to hear back from a company in the states that she’d applied to months prior. After the deal had fallen through, she’d found herself stuck in Korea with no place to go, and had accepted YG’s offer of employment. But even CEO Yang himself had said that the position was never meant to be permanent. Even with her broken Korean, she could still communicate quite well with all of the members and staff. It helped that she spoke fluent english too, because that meant that international venue managers would be able to understand her when she spoke to them. That was one of the biggest reasons that she had been kept onboard, after all.
But that had begun changing earlier in the year.
When Rosé heard her talking about her family back home, she knew what was coming. She didn’t know when, or how sudden it would be, but she knew that her bodyguard, her friend, her first love, would be leaving.
Withdrawal had seemed like the most obvious solution, at the time. If Rosé distanced herself from her, there would be no reason to be overly upset when she left. But now, with their relationship strained and their unwillingness to be in the same room alone for more than three minutes, she was unsure if they were even still friends. Before she could stop herself from asking, the question was out there.
“When are you leaving?”
Y/N’s response was an immediate, involuntary tensing throughout her whole body. She stopped, jostling Rosé as she did so. Rosé remained unfazed, instead repositioning her head so that her chin now rested in the dip of her collarbone. There was a moment of silence, and then a quiet, strangled sigh.
“Less than a month. After the New Year.” She began to walk again.
Rosé was instantly sick with regret, wishing she would’ve had the self control to keep her mouth shut. Now she had a day to dread. A day that, to her, would be like someone ripping out her heart and tossing it into the cold winter sea. So, instead of saying anything, she buried her face into her bodyguard’s neck, and held on just a bit tighter.
Rosé opened her eyes, only to once again find herself alone in their living room with a blanket draped over her slim form. Y/N had apparently left some time ago, as the chair she had been using was returned to its place at the bar. Taking another moment to become more aware of her surroundings, she found that the lights had been dimmed and her favorite pajama bottoms were lying just next to her hand on the couch, folded neatly.
Silently, she removed her damp and uncomfortable pants and replaced them with the light cotton of her polka-dot pj’s. She noted, with great fondness, that they were still warm. She must not have been out that long then, and the subject of her thoughts must have left recently.
Rosé held tightly to the blanket that hung around her shoulders, feeling it billow like a cape as she walked through the halls with nothing on her feet but a pair of old slippers. As she approached the exit that led to the roof she smiled when she noticed that it was already propped open.
“Of course,” she whispered, burying her smile in the soft fleece of the blanket she had elected--quite wisely--to bring with her. As she pushed the metal door open, and stepped into the crisp, frozen air, she shuddered and pulled the blanket tighter around her body. Closing the door quietly behind her she made her way towards the exhausted, hunched shoulders that sat motionless at the edge of the small wooden table the four of them had once brought here.
As she approached, Rosé wondered idly if the small box she had taped to the bottom of it years ago was still there, holding their deck of playing cards from their trainee days.
In contrast to earlier in the day, she wasn’t given the opportunity to surprise her ever watchful bodyguard. Y/N turned her head before she could, and offered a tired smile. Rosé approached her side shyly, looking at the cityscape rather than her. “Is this seat taken?” she asked with more confidence than she felt. When she looked Rosé’s way, the idol did the same and felt her breath catch in her throat.
She looked radiant, even under the snowy, light-polluted skies of Seoul. The whites of her eyes stood out from her still make-up-clad face, and Rosé could see the shimmer of her irises, even when her eyes were lidded against the wind. Rosé tightened her grip on the blanket. Y/N’s gaze was both calculating and gentile--contrasting heavily with the coy smirk that pulled up the corners of her lips. “No, it’s not,” she answered, gesturing with a hand to the snow-free seat at her side.
Rosé nodded numbly, opting to sit before her legs gave out beneath her.
They sat in companionable silence for what seemed to be many long moments, before Y/N decided to speak up.
“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,” she spoke stiffly, her voice carrying an edge of something Rosé couldn’t quite place. “It’s still not really a done deal, but even if I don’t get the job I would have to leave eventually.”
“I always knew that,” Rosé responded with a sad nod. She was acutely aware of the other woman’s eyes on her, but kept her own gaze from shifting.
“You’ve always been perceptive,” Y/N mused with a faraway look. “But I should still apologize. I shouldn’t have waited until the last minute.” It was then that Rosé decided to look at her, only to be met with deliberate silence. The reply that had been on the tip of her tongue died, and she was left without any words. Her mouth opened and closed many times before she had to look away.
“You can tell me anything.” Rosé replied, minutes later. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah,” Y/N affirmed, the smile on her face evident in her voice.
“Then why haven’t you ever opened up to me before? You’re always the one helping me when I’m down,” Rosé questioned, turning her body in her seat to face her. She could feel Y/N’s hesitation, and watched the slow tensing of her shoulders. When she didn’t receive an answer, Rosé reached out and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.
“Because I can’t.”
“Why not?” Rosé asked with a tenderness she hadn't known she was capable of. The woman in question tenses and relaxes several times, rolling her shoulders beneath Rosé’s hand. She kept it there, though, because she knew how often her own sobs had been stilled by Y/N’s hands--and she’d be damned if she didn’t help her at least once.
“I’m supposed to be strong, and pretending to be emotionless is how bodyguards do that.” When she spoke, it was defeated -- and not at all like the woman Rosé had come to know. “I just can’t show weakness the way I normally did before I had this job. That puts all of you in a vulnerable spot.”
Rosé frowned at that. “You know that’s not true.”
“It is,” she countered, glancing at Rosé and pinching the bridge of her nose. “If any crazy fans or potential criminals noticed that I had a soft spot for you, it wouldn’t end well.
“The four of us have a soft spot for you,” Rosé replied, scooting her chair closer so she could wrap an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “You’re always with us. You always take care of us.”
“That’s my job, Rosé. I’m just a bodyguard,” she said with a humorless laugh, refusing to look at the idol. Rosé’s heart clenched at the waver in her voice, and she nearly choked on her next words.
“Not to me,” she whispered. Y/N looked Rosé’s way after a long moment, her breath catching in her chest. “You’ve never been just a bodyguard.”
For a few long moments, the two just stared at each other. Rosé doing her best to convey what she hadn’t said in words, and Y/N attempting to process the hidden meaning behind them. The bodyguard’s mouth hung slightly ajar, her eyes searching Rosé’s own. It was after all of this; after staring into Y/N’s eyes and finally realizing the true depth of just how much she loved her, that Rosé decided to at least try to clarify what she meant.
“From the moment I first met you,” she began, taking Y/N’s hands in her own unsteady ones, “I knew you were meant to be a part of my life.” Y/N’s eyes softened, a familiar swell of fondness behind them as Rosé continued. “I didn’t know at first that you would end up being so important to me. You were so distant, and those nights when I could hear you crying through the walls--it made me wish I could help you somehow.”
“You... heard that?” Y/N questioned, deflated. Her eyes shone with something like sadness, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. Rosé tightened her grip on Y/N’s hands.
“I did,” she told her, nodding. She looked down to their joined hands--when had their fingers become laced like that?--and frowned slightly. “I wanted to help you, but didn’t know how to do that.”
Y/N dipped her head to catch Rosé’s lowered eyes. “You didn’t need to worry about that, Rosé.”
“But I did!” Rosé raised her voice, catching the girl off guard. “I was worried sick about you! I never knew what was going through your head, and I hated listening to you try to bottle everything up.” Y/N was taken aback, her eyes widening and any replies she may have had dying in her throat. “You were always so independent. You still are,” Rosé insisted. “And when we became friends, it looked like you were happy. That made me happy.”
Y/N swallowed thickly, her shallow breaths letting out small puffs in the cold winter air. “And now?”
Rosé stared at her for a moment, watching as wisps of dragon breath mingled in the space between them--which had lessened since she began her shouting. The vapor twisted and coiled around itself before dissipating into the frigid air, and Rosé couldn’t help but smile at how much it reminded her of the lofty feeling in her chest. When she looked into Y/N’s eyes, she knew. She had to tell her. Rosé, suddenly very aware of just how close their faces were, pressed her forehead to Y/N’s, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
“You know everything about me,” Rosé said. “My habits when I’m awake, my habits when I’m asleep. You’ve picked up on things about me that even the members didn’t know before, and you’ve noticed all of the little things that matter.” Y/N visibly relaxed, the tension in her body melting. Rosé saw it in the way her fingers began to curl around her own, and she smiled. “You remember the things I say, you know my favorite foods, and my favorite clothes, and my favorite times of day. You know what makes me feel better, what doesn’t, and exactly what to do when none of the normal stuff works. You even know where I go when I’m really upset--and I bet you knew I’d come up here after I fell asleep before,” she said with a cheeky grin. She shifted her head just slightly, so she could see Y/N’s eyes. “When I figured out that you would be leaving, I realized why my heart hurt so much when I looked at you. I understood why everything made it hard to breathe. My best friend was going to leave, and I--”
Y/N stilled her, raising a hand to tuck a piece of stray hair behind Rosé’s ear. Not that it would have mattered, with the wind, but she did it anyway. Her hands were cold, Rosé noted absentmindedly as she watched her expressions shift. When Y/N nodded, she continued.
“I pushed you away,” Rosé choked out, vision blurring as the familiar burn of tears rose to the surface. They were the coldest tears she’d ever shed. It felt, for a moment, as if they had frozen to her cheeks. Some landed on the cement of the roof, others landed atop their joined hands. Y/N wrapped an arm securely around her shoulders, running her thumb over the t-shirt that barely protected her from the cold. Rosé’s head rested on her shoulder, wetting the girl’s jacket with her tears. She sobbed, loudly and without restraint, for a long time. In fact, she didn’t know how long they sat like that.
By the time she lifted her head to look at Y/N, the snow was coming down much harder than before. When she finally made eye contact with the girl, her stomach flipped.
Y/N was smiling--genuinely, for what seemed to be the first time since Rosé had started to avoid her.
“I understand, Rosé,” she said. The hand that had been wrapping her in a comforting embrace returned to grasp hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Rosé couldn’t help but return that smile. Before she knew it, words were spilling from her mouth before she could stop them.
“I just want you to know that you’re really important to me,” she blurted, her cheeks burning intensely. Despite her embarrassment, she kept going. She had to. “You’re the most important thing to me, actually. You’re so kind, and genuine, and helpful. You bring so much happiness to the people around you, Y/N L/N. That’s part of what makes you special.” Y/N sat back with an embarrassed grin. The kind that made Rosé’s heart swell--the kind that she couldn’t help but mirror.
“Special?” she asked earnestly, still smiling and somehow managing to make Rosé’s heart melt in the bitter cold they found themselves sitting in. “I’m nothing great.” Rosé shook her head.
“You’re perfect--”
“I’m not perfect, Rosé--”
“--to me.”
Y/N stilled, her smile parting just enough to let a breath of surprise hiss past her teeth and float away. Rosé thought it was adorable: the way that her bottom teeth peeked out from her lower lip, how wide her smile still was, how her hair blew into her face while she made no move to fix it. She searched Y/N’s eyes, seeing only genuine surprise behind them. She didn’t move, only sat and watched as Rosé raised one hand to the side of her neck. The bodyguard shivered, breathing sharply at her cold touch.
“I hope you get it now,” Rosé whispered, tracing the swell of Y/N’s cheek with her thumb. She slowly placed her free hand on the other cheek, holding her face there.
“I think I do,” Y/N breathed, still shaken by the implication. But she was smiling, and that was all Rosé cared about.
They sat, for a few drawn-out moments, utterly still. There were many words left unsaid--words that Rosé would eventually work up the courage to tell her soon. But right now? Rosé didn’t care about clarification.
Y/N’s hands wandered inconspicuously to her hips. It was a touch that Rosé could feel through the thin fabric of her shirt, and she reveled in it. Deciding that she wanted to give it--this--a shot, she stood and dragged Y/N over toward the side of the roof. She stopped by the railing, resting her hand on its cold surface as she watched the snow. With a smile still on her face, she turned to face Y/N, who had been staring confusedly for several seconds.
In one fluid movement, Rosé snaked her hands around the shorter woman’s neck and brought herself in close. She paused, staring into Y/N’s eyes. Y/N stared back, eyes crinkling with a smile Rosé knew could compete with the goddamn sun as far as she was concerned.
Finally, Rosé gathered her courage and leaned forward. The kiss was tentative and shy--nothing particularly special by anyone else’s standards, but it was the best feeling Rosé had ever experienced. Nothing else in her life had ever felt so right. Not taking up music, not pursuing her dream, not debuting; nothing else came even remotely close. All of the fear that had coiled up in her stomach dissipated, and she smiled into the kiss. When she felt Y/N’s arms tighten around her back, Rosé sank into her. They stood like that, kissing one another languidly, for many moments. When Rosé pulled away her eyes stung with unshed tears, and Y/N was quick to notice.
She smiled knowingly, pulling Rosé’s head forward and placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Rosé raised her eyes, feeling Y/N’s fingers thread through her hair and humming contentedly at the pleasant shiver that ran down her spine. Y/N blinked several times, holding back tears herself.
Rosé couldn’t help but grin even wider at the way that Y/N lowered her gaze and smiled. She could feel her own embarrassment in the way her cheeks warmed--but her heart pounding heavily in her chest reminded her that this was real. All of it was real. It was happening, and Y/N was still here. A luxury she wouldn’t take for granted anymore.