Chapter Text
Val thinks about the rain. Sometimes, she likes standing underneath it for hours, closing her eyes as it burns her skin like cold fire; losing her dad had made her numb, and neither the Carvajal fortune nor all the money in the world would be enough to bring him back
Juls dreams of the thick, yellow grease that lines the trays in the restaurant where her mom works; she sees the tiredness in her eyes when she collapses on the couch, hears the resentment in her voice when she's asleep, blaming her father for dragging them into a sicario's world; he never cared, never loved her like his hija before death had finally claimed him, and she hates him for that
Val keeps trying to tell Lucho about the pain that never heals, but he's frightened, too drunk on the idea of her; he wants an icon, a fantasy, a poster girl; he wants what isn't real, and he tells her to swallow her pain with love pills and mezcal, but the next morning, it's still all there and she's drowning, forever drowning
Juls hates moving, because it feels like she's uprooting her life whenever Lupita decides the sicarios have found them; selling lotteria tickets all day makes her voice hoarse, her arms tired, and the slimy men who let their hands linger too long never buy them all; at night, she imagines she's a seamstress, a fashion designer; the lady who scolds her for using the sewing machine disappears, and she's unlimited by the contraints of the waking world
Val walks across the concrete in a daze, because she's consumed by this ache that won't stop squeezing her heart; dad's gone, dad's gone; she can hear la muerte whispering to her quietly, telling her it would have been better if nobody saved her from the pool, but Lucho doesn't notice; she's screaming, but he's deaf
Juls tells her mom there's no time for studying, because financial security is more important; she wants money, the kind of money construction workers received for building this road, the kind of money girls could spend on pretty clothes that made people stop and look
Val pushes Lucho away and he still can't hear her; she's sitting down now, silver flask in hand; tequila passes through her lips, slides down her tongue into her throat, buries itself in her broken soul; she feels comfortably numb
Juls senses a trail, an energy signature that draws her closer, but it's weird, because she can't see it, only feel it, and it keeps pulling her nearer to the green bench with the stranger; the pretty crying girl who for all she knew might be a con artist, but for just a moment, Juls wants to believe there's more to this life than what her dad showed her
Val sees a lifebuoy in the storm, and she's so used to the blackouts she thinks maybe it's a mistake, that maybe it wasn't meant for her, but it floats closer and closer, and she reaches out with one hand before it disappears
Juls isn't a lifeguard; she doesn't know the first thing about CPR, so she blurts out something about the girl's pretty clothes, and pretends she's going to steal all her money; there's something beautiful about her laugh Juls can't describe, but it feels like melted sadness
Val doesn't understand why she's laughing; all she knows is that someone's trying to cut her chains, that she finally feels heard; her name is Juliana and her hands are too warm
Juls is walking by her side, still thinking about the nasal voice she introduced herself in, as if she was recovering from a cold; she's surprised when Valentina says her friends aren't real, because it's the last thing she'd expect from a rich girl, but Juls can't seem to find anything superficial about her, even though she's trying
Val grabs Juliana's arm when she jokes about leaving, because she misses the warmth, she needs it close; they're eating oily burgers from a food booth, and she has to hold herself back from wiping the crumbs stuck on Juliana's lips
Juls loves the taste of the meat; it reminds her of San Antonio, and she feels like a kid again; she's slightly embarrassed when Valentina tells her there's bread on her face, but knows there's no malice behind it; Valentina's goodbye kiss is unexpected and leaves an invisible mark on her cheek
Val loses herself for days, so the next time she's out, she has to look twice to make sure it's her; she tells Jacobo to stop the car because she feels a trail, a gravitational wave that's more powerful than a black hole, and it carries her towards the girl from another world
Juls thinks it's a coincidence when Valentina finds her again; there's nothing remotely interesting about selling lotteria tickets, and she doesn't understand why a rich girl is giving her the time of day; but when Valentina asks her to go for a coffee, and she watches her stumble over her words, she feels herself smile
Val buys all her tickets and asks her for the winning one, just to see her smile again; somehow, it feels better than a hundred bottles of tequila, but the lunch date is over too soon; at home, the chains find her again, and she finds relief in blue agave
Juls is in a weird stupor, but she likes the feeling; giddy, happy, the way you're supposed to feel when you're drunk, though she wouldn't know since she never drank; there's a lady selling clothing in the park, and Juls' favorite dress is too expensive, but the lady tells her she met the love of her life wearing it, and gives it to her, just like that
Val is in the pool, and for a few seconds it feels like she can't breathe; but Juliana clings to her and it doesn't make sense because Juliana can't swim but it's her that stops Val from drowning
Juls has her arms wrapped around Valentina, and she notices for the first time how soft her skin is; she wonders if it's the water that keeps it that way, and whether she can wash away her past if she stays inside the pool long enough; Valentina promises she won't let go, and Juls closes her eyes, leaning back into blue, unaware Valentina is staring
Val is on her bed, sitting opposite Juliana; they're having a 'girl talk', one of those pubescent conversational awakenings where you learn who's 'done it', and Val goes first; she tells Juliana about the boyfriends she's had and how they never made her see 'explosions'
Juls confesses she's never been with anyone, and Valentina roars with kind laughter; Juls asks whether Valentina believes in love, but she says it's an invention designed to sell things on September 14th; Juls isn't sure what she believes, but when Valentina gives her a pretty red necklace, Juls gives her the expensive dress from the park
Val sits at the table and orders something Juliana's never heard of; Sergio looks impatient, and Lucho's interested in the grand opening of a club downtown; she drinks the alcohol with an orange slice, and Lucho wants to go to a bar now, but when she notices Juliana isn't drinking, Val decides to stay with her
Juls doesn't want to ruin Valentina's plans, but she's secretly happy Valentina knows her name isn't 'Julieta' and the way Valentina praises her dress modifications makes her feel fuzzy inside
Val never learned how to dance, not without making a fool of herself, so she asks Juliana to teach her; she stands close in a clearing inside the park, and feels the warmth of Juliana's hands on her torso and her palm; Juliana counts to four, slowly, and there's an easy rhythm to their steps, until Juliana tells her when you're slow-dancing, you need to look into your partner's eyes
Juls isn't really sure what possessed her to say the words, but they're out now, and she just hopes Valentina didn't notice her stutter, which makes even less sense; there's a brief pause, and Juls' heart skips a beat, but she sighs with relief when Valentina plays along and the rhythm picks up
Val wants to take Juliana shopping for a pretty dress; Guille's party is coming up, and she knows just the place to buy something Juliana would like; the first couple of times she exits the changeroom, Val laughs, freely, but on the third, something gets stuck in her throat
Juls feels exposed in designer fabrics in a way she's never felt before; she looks elegant and affluent, nothing like a lotteria girl; the way Valentina keeps staring at her makes her nervous, and when she says Juls will have her own shop one day and interlocks their fingers together, Juls laughs trying to break them apart, but she's not sure if she wants to
Val is dancing at the party with her teacher, and she's having so much fun she forgets Lucho's there, but he comes and steals her from Juliana while she's still happy; she wilts under his touch, and even though he promises her not to get drunk, he's wearing a scheming grin
Juls peels Sergio's hands off and when she finds Valentina, she's pressed against a wall, acting weird; her speech is slurred and she's not making sense, and Juls learns what's going on when Valentina tries offering a pill; Juls spits it out when no one's looking, and when the party lights fade, she's in Valentina's room, listening to Eso Es Amor on her bed, Valentina's palms pressed against her own, and she grows still
Val tells Juliana to close her eyes; she's not playing the game right, but that's ok, she'll teach her; Val looks at the beautiful lattice her fingers make when they touch Juliana's, and she wonders what it would feel like to keep tracing down, along the sides of her body, her shoulders; Juliana's cheeks are warm when Val brushes her thumbs against them, caressing slowly, gently, but suddenly, she desparately wants to feel how warm it would be if her own cheeks touched Juliana's, or whether it would stop them from burning, like two shooting stars that cancelled each other in a pyrotechnic display the exact moment they kissed
Juls pulls away first, not because she wants the moment to end, whatever it was leading to, but because Guille comes walking through the door; all the family chauffeurs have retired for the night, so Valentina begs Juls to stay over, and as Juls helps her change, she drapes her fingers down Valentina's shoulder, just once, just to make sure she didn't imagine the curious sensation of Valentina's hands on her face, or the invisible marks they left on her skin; it occurs to Juls she might not ever be able to say no to her, and she doesn't know what that means, but for now, she's lying down next to Valentina on a soft cotton quilt, and Valentina's face is nestled against her neck, and her heart isn't beating the way it should