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yerim likes observing her members. it’s interesting and amusing to unpack the different dynamics in their group, though it could also be said that her members are just born entertainers.
still, there are many reasons why she enjoys letting her eyes wander when everyone else’s is focused on other things.
like most good things yerim has experienced in her life, mealtime starts out with an announcement full of promise and (hi) high hopes.
“dinner’s ready,” hyejoo calls monotonously, emerging from the kitchen with a pot of boiling stew in hand.
“hyejoo! you forgot the coaster!”
jungeun follows closely behind her. “i got it,” she says reassuringly, carelessly throwing it onto the table. the plastic bounces off the glass, landing noisily on the floor next to a startled haseul. she picks it up with a grunt.
“my god, kim jungeun!”
that’s their leader, exasperated.
“haha, oops.”
and that’s jungeun, their other leader, cheeky and unapologetic.
“KIDS, DINNER’S READY!” jiwoo yells, balancing a few bowls of rice on her forearms. the arrangement is precarious, and a frowning hyunjin hurriedly retrieves them before the inevitable disaster occurs.
yeojin, chaewon and heejin finally emerge from one of the bedrooms, having busied themselves with playing video games since none of them were allowed in the kitchen. though yeojin’s culinary skills exceed those of her counterparts, sooyoung has chided her one too many times for being loud and naggy, and haseul found it necessary to step in to ban the youngest member from stepping foot in the kitchen during meal-preps; yerim reckons that its better to deal with a grumpy yeojin disallowed from the kitchen rather than a disgruntled chef-in-chief in sooyoung anyway. the growing child in yeojin plops down opposite yerim at the table, bouncing up and down at the prospect of finally eating. jinsoul coos happily as she brings out a plate of fried beancurd, placing it gingerly in front of yerim and feeding her a piece.
she grins as widely as possible while chewing, setting down the last pair of chopsticks. meal-time begins in the most rowdy of fashions, with the chefs (sooyoung, hyunjin and vivi) exiting the kitchen, assistants in tow (that’s jinsoul, haseul, jungeun, and maybe hyejoo and jiwoo, on some days where they aren’t too distracted by the prohibited-from-the-kitchen club playing animal crossing) all yelling at each other. it’s all in good fun, of course, because the shouting is always followed by boisterous laughter.
“well, maybe if someone wasn’t such a terribly clumsy person we would have omelettes today,” sooyoung deadpans to no one in particular.
an offended gasp escapes the offender who broke all ten eggs trying to take the crate out of the refrigerator. jungeun looks like she wants to protest, but can’t find it in her to defend herself. her shoulders drop, and she rolls her eyes while mumbling a quick apology.
“you hear that, clumsy?” the human embodiment of clumsiness (jiwoo) says mockingly, even going so far as to repeat it in jungeun’s ear.
the girl with red-tipped ears punches her same-aged friend in the arm, earning a yelp. when jiwoo turns to face her with a fist raised, jungeun flinches embarrassingly hard. yerim feels yet another giggle escape her lips.
they have their dinner around the round table in relative silence, shoulders brushing against one another’s since there wasn’t enough space for all twelve of them. it’s just them, a pot of kimchi stew, steamed vegetables, fried beancurd, freshly cut fruits and rice.
the simplicity of it all warms yerim’s heart, in more ways than what meets the eye.
vivi stands, trying to get a piece of meat from the depths of hyunjin’s stew. when she does get one, it goes straight from the pot to yeojin’s bowl.
“xiexie,” yeojin thanks in chinese, earning a small smile from haseul and vivi both. it’s endearing, how she’s sandwiched between them both. it’s as if they’ve heard the jokes about them being yeojin’s parents and decided to roll along with it.
when vivi sits back down, yeojin decides it’s her turn to dig around the stew. “who wants more?”
beside her, hyunjin’s hand shoots forward, presenting her already nearly-empty bowl. chaewon notices that mid-chew, coughing slightly in shock. “you’re almost done? seriously, there must be something that lives inside your stomach…”
her full bowl of rice might explain her shock at hyunjin’s ravenous appetite. the girl in question wordlessly receives her refilled bowl, looking boredly at chaewon.
“i worked out. i’m hungry.”
chaewon shrugs, back to working on making some of the rice in her bowl disappear. yerim snorts a little, placing her half-filled bowl in yeojin’s hand. while waiting, she notices hyunjin transferring half of her bowl’s contents into heejin’s. she whines, to which hyunjin replies adamantly that she should eat more.
“diet,” heejin reminds softly.
“you’ve got to have at least this,” hyunjin also reminds, softly.
heejin pouts, but hyunjin wins the argument. a spoonful of rice and soup is fed to her, and yerim feels her lips mimicking hyunjin’s growing smile. while nobody bats an eye at the common sight, her thoughts flit to the one too many times she’s seen a water bottle handed to heejin during practise without her asking, an extra sweater packed in hyunjin’s bag just in case the one heejin’s got on is too thin, a birthday present bought way before october arrives, the late night talks in hyunjin’s bed after a particularly rough vocal lesson.
it’s strange yet beautiful, yerim thinks, how they can always count on the most aloof one of them all to care for heejin effortlessly.
yeojin hands her bowl back, now filled almost to the brim. a miscalculation on yeojin’s part causes her to release the bowl slightly too early from her grasp, and the hot liquid splatters out when yerim catches the bowl with two hands. it scalds her hand, and she hisses out in pain, a rare wince etched on her face.
“unnie! oh my god, i’m sorry!”
“shit,” she hears jungeun curse from next to her, taking the bowl from her and placing it safely on the table. chaewon rushes back from the kitchen with paper towels, using some to dab at her wet hands and handing some over to hyunjin who’s helping to clean up.
movement at the dinner table seems to stop, and she realises a tad too late that everybody is looking at her worriedly.
“i’m fine!” she takes over chaewon to clean herself up. her reddened palms are still stinging from the heat. “i’m okay, just eat!”
she digs into her salvaged mess of a meal, urging the others to do the same, albeit hesitantly.
“eat more, you baby,” jinsoul says in an almost blasé way, shoving an unusually large piece of chicken into her bowl from a few seats away. it's so cheesy that sooyoung’s loud snort is all yerim hears before fits of laughter overwhelm the members. trust jinsoul to be the unsuspecting comic relief. the tension before diffuses almost instantly.
yerim continues digging in, letting her eyes travel and land on an oblivious hyejoo.
it’s funny how different they are, she notes, observing the way hyejoo is telling jiwoo about how the bandaid she plastered over the shallow cut she sustained in the kitchen is already worn. jiwoo scrutinises it, pouting when hyejoo mumbles about how it hurts.
“unnie will bandage it for you later!” jiwoo comforts, adding a wink for good measure. it makes hyejoo chuckle, while catching the eye of jungeun who cringes as if she was programmed to do so. jiwoo’s eyes widen as a threat, as she bares her teeth provocatively. jungeun laughs sarcastically in return.
“children, please.” of all people, it is hyunjin who gives the stern warning, though it was more of an imitation of haseul than anything else. she immediately breaks character to gruffly laugh, cracking heejin up. the latter playfully slaps her arm, hyunjin looks over at her grinning, and the two get lost in their own bubble momentarily.
hyejoo, caught in between the feuding duo, holds both their hands from her side, joining them. “unnies. shake hands and make up.”
“don’t wanna,” jungeun teases in a high-pitched voice, drawing her hand away slowly. she distractedly finishes the last of her dinner, aware that jiwoo is glaring at her.
“me neither!” jiwoo huffs, also keeping the act going.
“unnies please…” hyejoo says simply, trying and finally succeeding in rejoining their hands. they were never seriously fighting anyway. if hyejoo seemed to mind their joined hands resting on her lap for the rest of dinner, she doesn’t show it. in fact, the pleased smile that resides on her face tells yerim otherwise.
she remembers how during sweet crazy love promotions, a time where none of them knew jiwoo was going to be a part of them, how a bouquet of flowers had been delivered to their waiting room just for their leader. if jungeun had bursted into tears reading that letter, she sure as hell didn’t show it when she made the phone call to whom she was certain had been the anonymous gifter. (“hey, you gave me flowers? that’s cheesy as hell!”) later on, after finally putting a name and face to this best friend jungeun never stopped randomly bringing up in their conversations, yerim realises that it was as much the way the letter was worded, as it was the glitter pen it was written in, that gave it all away.
perhaps what they say about opposites attracting must be true, because she and her own best friend couldn’t be more different. and by best friend, she means all eleven of them sitting around her right now, because yerim doesn’t think she has the heart to put anyone of them above one another.
though her principles do waver slightly when she looks over at a mid-chew hyejoo practising to wink like jiwoo, while not being very good at it.
“oh right! vivi unnie, you should tell them the good news,” haseul suddenly chirps amidst the slight chatter, commanding their attention.
“ah yes, my parents are flying in from hong kong next week,” she announces at a volume higher than what they’re all used to. her happiness is obviously contagious; yeojin and chaewon envelope her in a hug from both sides.
“we don’t have any schedules! let’s plan something nice for them,” jinsoul suggests, eyes lighting up. right next to her, an impressed sooyoung backs her up, “oooh, great idea.” sooyoung motions for a hi-five, and jinsoul seems to be going for it, until sooyoung pulls her hand away at the last second, leaving jinsoul with nothing. sooyoung places her elbow on the table, pretending to listen intently to vivi. jinsoul grunts, letting out a childish “hmph” while sooyoung tries to keep the smile in.
“alright, i’m sorry. here.” sooyoung offers her opened palm to jinsoul.
“hmph.”
“come on, my hand is right here. just give it a lil tap.”
“never.” jinsoul adds as an afterthought, “asshole.”
amused, yerim watches how sooyoung pushes the hand closer and closer to jinsoul’s face. the blonde gets annoyed, finally giving her the stupid hi-five. satisfied, both of them mentally rejoin the conversation about where they could take vivi’s parents to for an outing. yerim relishes in the childlike play of her older friends, though she knows they are very different when it’s just them and haseul, and with drinks in.
nobody excepts her remembers the way the three of them had spent the night on their balcony, the two shorter ones in their trio leaning on either side of the taller sooyoung, beer cans scattered around them. on a midnight snack run, perhaps she does accidentally overhear some of their very valid concerns about their future as a group (from sooyoung), about not being a good enough example for the younger ones (that’s jinsoul), and about how some members in particular are overexerting themselves (haseul, of course). she blames the eavesdropping on how good her hearing is, the same way she blames the chill for stinging her eyes and making them water on a friday night.
some of them were valid concerns, yes, but some were just downright wrong. yerim had to resist the urge to burst right through that glass door to tell jinsoul that she wasn’t a good role model, but a great one; that while she wasn’t as assertive as jungeun, as sociable as haseul or as strong as sooyoung, or as brave as vivi, she was jung jinsoul- one who put her all into everything she did. someone determined and professional, dependable and loving, intelligent and humble.
the beaming faces of her second family distract her for a second, and she ends up scanning each and every one of their faces, smiling to herself. as yeojin suggests yet again that they bring vivi’s parents to the aquarium she got her pet snail from, hyunjin leans into her side, resting her head on her shoulder. she turns, only to find heejin doing the same to hyunjin. jinsoul tries to lean on heejin, but the girl proves too short for her to comfortably rest her head on.
yerim spends too long being distracted, as it turns out, and misses the spoken plan completely. she makes a mental note to ask someone (probably haseul) about it later. somehow, the conversation also drifted to appropriate dessert places they could visit; at the mention of bingsu, a couple of them perk up- namely jiwoo, jinsoul and yeojin.
and suddenly there’s a plan to go for bingsu later that night. the thought of having one of her favourite foods for dessert gets her excitedly clapping, until the pain in her palms remind her again that she’s hurt.
"if it still hurts, you should go run your hands under water," jungeun advises, eyebrows furrowed.
"i'm alright," yerim assures the unconvinced girl, "don't worry."
“you said that the last time you hurt your ankle,” sooyoung tells her, already standing up to beckon her into their washroom. yerim doesn’t know how sooyoung knows that she’d been covering up her injury through the whole of concert rehearsals, but she’s not about to confirm her suspicions in front of everybody just yet. she gets up, gritting her teeth, and follows sooyoung into the cramped space.
she sliently follows sooyoung’s every instruction, obediently letting the water run over her hands. a few seconds pass, and the perfectly clean water being wasted down the drain starts to bug her.
“can you pass me the pail? i feel like i’m wasting a lot of water.”
she feels the only other pair of eyes on her, and laughs awkwardly. sooyoung makes it a point to sigh before getting the pail for her.
“i’m fine, unnie. please go eat!"
“i finished my food. and i know you’ll be fine,” sooyoung asserts, checking her hands. she mutters, “just let me take care of you, for once.”
it sounds like an accusation when it’s anything but.
yerim looks away. “my ankle… it really wasn’t that bad. i’m sorry for not telling any of you.”
another sigh.
“remember that time i got my nose broken on stage?”
yerim frowns, an expression that is unfamiliar to her. “unnie, you performed everything after in so much pain. it’s kind of hard to forget.”
“yeah, don’t do that. you and i kind of are the same, we like pretending that we’re okay when we’re not. but trust me, it’s not fun when everyone else finds out.”
yerim studies the woman’s look of concern for a second, clenching her jaw. sooyoung knows better than everyone else how it must feel to hide her own pain. it’s a warning, perhaps, for future incidents. nobody wants a repeat of a sobbing jiwoo telling them how she could only watch sooyoung writhing and groaning in her sleep the night after she performed through the injury, not able to do anything much except to change her ice pack for her.
there’s a second part to that sooyoung’s statement that never gets spoken aloud, because chaewon barges in with jiwoo in tow, different bottles of ointment in her hands. even jiwoo is holding a few. yerim reckons she sees a tube of toothpaste there as well. they clank together noisily when dropped into the sink at once.
it kind of irks her, but in a good way, how much they’re fussing over such a minor injury. could she even call it an injury? she’d probably be completely fine in two hours or so. they’re treating her as if she just broke a bone. or two, by the way chaewon is frowning while applying some cream- is that toothpaste?- on her hand. she sniffs it.
“it’s toothpaste,” jiwoo confirms it for her. “apparently it helps. heejin swears by it.”
jinsoul pokes her head into the bathroom, the limited space making it hard for her to see what’s going on. yerim answers her calls of concern with a bright laugh, adding, “i’m alright! just have toothpaste on my hands is all!”
“my mum always made me do that! it works!” she hears heejin’s voice amidst the growing commotion outside. dinner must be over, with how yeojin is whining about having to wash the dishes again (punishment for being the only person to make a mistake in their dance practice video). she’s been helping her the last few days, but with her hand being treated by three very serious yyxy members and a nosy jinsoul, she’ll have to do it herself. or whine hard enough such that jungeun ends up doing it for her. she might say it’s because she can’t stand chores not being done, but yerim knows that’s not all there is to it.
later, she finds herself rejecting bingsu for the the company of a friend, a really good televison programme, and the warmth both of those things bring to her.
“does it still hurt?” hyejoo asks her while they're watching television. half of them have gone to eat bingsu, while everyone else is either in their beds, or showering. that leaves her with hyejoo on the worn out couch, scrolling through channels. they had landed on a documentary about bats at one point, and though hyejoo doesn't seem very fond of them, she'd relented for yerim who finds them to be grossly misunderstood puppies who happen to fly.
"it stings a little, but it's much better than before. that's sad, honestly, because i was looking for an excuse to not do my work in school tomorrow."
hyejoo laughs a little at that, relieved. "i was asking about your ankle, actually."
sooyoung being the only one who seems to know, she's surprised hyejoo caught on. then again, she should have acted better all those times her ankle acted up while on their way to school, instead of passing it off as a stomachache.
the programmed response almost slips out of her lips. but this is hyejoo, and from what sooyoung told her...
she doesn't want to lie anymore.
"i've been better."
"i know you don't like to tell people about what's going on with you unless it's good, but can you at least... tell me? i'm with you almost everyday, and i didn't even notice until just now that you walk with a limp after sitting for too long."
hyejoo sounds sad, which yerim doesn't like one bit. she ignored the minimal pain in her hand to hold hyejoo's in hers, letting their hands rest between them.
"okay," she promises.
the comfortable silence is back. the baby bat on the screen jumps from the branch of a tree to another, flapping its wings clumsily. yerim almost whoops with joy.
suddenly, a question: ”do you not like anyone in the team?"
"hm? what makes you think that? and no, of course not!"
"i don't know you're just always so quiet around us. but you're so damn noisy in school," hyejoo tells her, giggling softly at the last part.
"i just prefer watching you guys, that's all. do you know sooyoung unnie still can't use chopsticks the right way?”
“huh, i’ve never actually… hm. interesting find,” hyejoo murmurs in wonderment. its a known fact that hyejoo is emotionally closer to the older girl than yerim is, which perhaps makes this astute observation more impressive than it should be.
the baby bat completes its descent down from a tall tree, stumbling a little on the landing but quickly scrambling away and taking off right after like nothing happened. yerim squeals a little.
“chaewon unnie can’t double-knot her own shoelaces properly. she always somehow gets it into a dead knot. she thinks nobody knows because she’s always wearing velcros.” her tone is light-hearted, like she’s not actually teasing her, but stating a little fact.
yerim smiles. “cool. i noticed that too.”
“is this a game?”
“if you want it to be,” yerim says nonchalantly, knowing full well the almost-pro-gamer has a competitive streak. “vivi unnie calls her parents every night she can except on wednesdays, because that’s their date night.”
hyejoo hums, replying, “jiwoo unnie and yeojin have rap battles sometimes. heejin unnie writes some lyrics but she’s always too intimidated to join.”
“impeccable find, miss son.” yerim coos mockingly, “knew that too.”
“haseul unnie knows the entire choreography to 2pm's adtoy and does it alone when she thinks no one's left at the company."
yerim thanks the one time she lucked out because she'd been tasked to retrieve the phone odd eye circle left behind in the practice room, and chanced upon said sight. "oh, i've seen it. she's super into it. jungeun unnie asks for rap lessons from jinsoul unnie sometimes because she wants to, quote, ‘destroy kim jiwoo’. jinsoul unnie doesn’t help her out at all. sooyoung unnie does, but it just makes them all laugh really hard.”
hyejoo sighs adorably, searching for things to say. the sun rises as the baby bat finally finds its way back into the cave with its mother.
“your cheeks heat up when i talk to you. well, sometimes. hey, they’re red right now!”
that leaves yerim speechless. not that she was talking, of course. but it still leaves her shell-shocked. and nervous.
very, very nervous.
“my what do what now?”
“you blush when i talk to you,” hyejoo says proudly, “bet you didn’t know that.”
“i didn’t,” yerim confirms with a mumble.
there’s a pleased smile on hyejoo’s face that yerim really likes. “good.”
“good?” yerim raises her eyebrows.
“i’ll find more things and tell you about them.”
“i’m supposed to be the observant one.”
“now we’ll both be the observant ones. by the way, your hands get sweaty when you’re nervous.”
an offended gasps leaves her lips, and her hand instinctively tries to pull away. hyejoo whines. yerim’s smile gets even wider when hyejoo grabs her held hand with both of hers, making a show about not letting it go.
“stop teasing me,” yerim says as she rests her head perfectly on hyejoo’s shoulder. “tell me something i don’t know.”
the girl is silent as she contemplates.
“i like you.”