Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Love arrived on a Saturday afternoon.

Jae was preparing a sandwich for himself, something he thought could pass off as lunch. He’s had nothing but fast food and instant ramen for the past few days so he figured bacon, egg, and some vegetables tossed between two slices of bread already made for a fairly decent meal. He moved quietly, trying not to make any noise so as not to bother his flatmate Brian, who was probably still deep in sleep. He even tried to close the door of his room as quietly as he could despite his roommate’s space being a little farther from his.

Jae slumped on his desk chair and devoured his sandwich while he waited for his video to render. It was a cover of Adam Levine’s Lost Stars which he ought to upload to his YouTube account at the schedule he assigned to himself. He just reached 1,000 subscribers which absolutely made him ecstatic; it started to make him feel like the path he took onto becoming an artist was slowly getting clearer, and that he was actually headed somewhere.

Seeing how he finished his sandwich faster than the video finished rendering, he put the plate down and reached out to his guitar. He laid back on his chair and rested his feet on the desk, his fingers mindlessly fiddling with the guitar strings, lips pressed together as he hummed random tunes.

And then it came.

It was nothing special, nothing too spectacular, just a simple ting of a bell which he initially passed off as a notification for a new message from his friend Dowoon, inviting him on another game of League of Legends (which he rarely accepted ever since he had a losing streak against the younger lad), or a message from his flatmate asking if he’s already awake and wants to go out for lunch. Still, as he had nothing better to do, he took his phone from his desk and checked it, only to find a notification from the Love Calculator.

Jae came barging in to Brian’s room, immediately taking the other out his sleep.

“Brian! I found my partner, it’s a match!” Jae’s voice showed an apparent hint of excitement.

“Huh?” Brian raised his head and squinted at his friend who stood against the light, almost hurting his eyes. “The fuck are you talking about?”

“The Love Calculator. It said it found someone whose signs were most compatible with mine!”

“You said you didn’t care about that, what are you so excited about now?” Brian let his head fall back to his pillow.

“I didn’t until I saw how well you clicked with Sungjin. I mean, look at how your relationship has lasted for two years! Maybe the Love Calculator is real, maybe it can really tell who I’m supposed to be with, maybe this person is really... my soulmate,” Jae chuckled, thinking how ridiculous it is to say it out loud. “C’mon Bri, get up! I need you to back me up just in case I do any dumb shit!” Jae waited for any kind of response but was greeted by Brian’s snore instead.

Rolling his eyes, Jae walked to Brian’s window and drew the curtains. Brian groaned loudly.

“Good day, indeed,” Jae smiled.

Brian poured a pack of ramen to a pot of boiling water, his eyes darting back and forth his food and Jae, who was sitting at their dining table with his eyes fixed on his phone. He was shaking his leg, tapping his fingers on the table and biting his lower lip, which made Brian smirk. He knew of Jae’s habits and it looks as if Jae was feeling extremely nervous in that moment. It was already a way too familiar scene that Brian can’t help but laugh.

“You ever talked to them yet?” Brian asked, stirring his ramen.

“Nah. I haven’t even opened the link to see who they are.”

“Wha— dude, c’mon. They’re already waiting at your fingertips, don’t chicken out now.”

“I’m not chickening out,” Jae replied, his voice sounding firm. “I’m just… unsure if they’ll like me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course they will! Remember, that’s the Love Calculator. It already checked statistics and all to see if you’re compatible so there’s a 99% chance you actually are. Besides, you’re a great person Jae. You’re wise, funny, kind, and fun to hang around with. I’m sure they’ll like you nonetheless.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Nah, I was just trying to make you feel better. But who knows?”

Jae took a tissue from a box that was just lying around their table, crumpled and threw it at his flatmate.

“Dude, my fucking ramen!” Brian exclaimed, shielding his food with his body.

“Okay, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it now,” Jae said, drawing his attention back to his phone. He shook his body and took deep breaths, tapped on the link and peeked at the screen with one eye.

“The fuck, Jae. It’s not a jumpscare,” Brian snickered, making his way to the table with his pot of ramen. He sat across Jae and excitedly opened the lid. “So, who is it?”

“Kim Wonpil,” Jae replied with a soft voice, almost whispering. His lips slowly formed a smile. “He’s cute. Very cute, actually.”

“Look at you smiling,” Brian teased. “I guess the Love Calculator is right once again.”

Jae took a moment to look at Kim Wonpil, his smile growing every second. He didn’t know what it was about Wonpil that suddenly made him feel so light and happy; it was just a picture, after all. He doesn’t know him let alone have had a conversation with him, yet the way Wonpil smiled so adorably while holding a flower already made him feel as if he’s someone he’ll easily be comfortable with. Jae knew it was too soon, but he thought Wonpil already melted his heart.

“Hey Jae, Jae!” Brian snapped his friend back to reality. “Looks like someone’s lovestruck.”

“To be fair, you were giggling the entire day when you found out Sungjin was your match.”

“That’s ‘cause we’ve already been talking on that same day and I felt like we really clicked. Have you sent a message to that Wonpil guy yet?”

“No… what should I say? ‘Hi’?”

“What is there to say besides ‘hi’? Oh okay, here’s an idea. How about you say… hello,” Brian slowly waved a hand in front of Jae, feigning an amusing effect.

“Shut up,” Jae swatted his friend’s hand away. “I mean, isn’t that too boring? I feel like I could say something more exciting. Maybe I should tell him, ‘what’s up, hotshot?’” Jae said, chuckling as he typed it.

Brian choked on the noodle he was slurping and spit some of it on the table. Jae’s quick reflex  allowed him to back away just in time, ramen only hitting the space he rested his arms on.

“Jesus—you’re disgusting,” Jae said, grabbing tissues to wipe the mess.

“No, you know what’s disgusting? That is,” Brian pointed at Jae’s phone. “Delete that shit right now and save yourself from the embarrassment.”

“Well, you got anything better to suggest?”

“Alright, here. Tell him ‘my life used to be dull and gray, but now I’m glad I found hue’.”

Jae screeched in disgust although a chuckle managed to escape from his lips. “That’s so bad and cheesy, my body’s itching just thinking of it. You ever said something like that to Sungjin?”

“I always say something like that to Sungjin. Always works,” Brian winked, chewing his noodles.

“And you’re still together? Damn, Sungjin’s one hell of a man.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Brian pointed his chopsticks at Jae, supposedly threatening the other.

Jae was about to talk back when their banter was interrupted by another ting from his phone. He looked at the screen and saw that Wonpil sent him a message. It said: “Hello Jaehyung :)” Jae’s face immediately broke into a wide smile, causing Brian to raise an eyebrow.

“That’s him?” Brian asked. “What did he say?”

“Hello Jaehyung,” Jae replied, his eyes glued to his phone with a grin still on his face. He was quickly occupied with typing a response to Wonpil.

“Hello Jaehyung,” Brian smirked. “Genius.”

Brian finished his meal not long after Jae lost himself into chatting with Wonpil. He never had another full conversation with his flatmate that day, especially since the other was on his phone the whole time. Brian occasionally furrowed his eyebrows and snorted at his friend’s strange behavior, smiling and giggling at the device he held in his hand, similar to what Jae said about him when he first met his match.

Chapter Text

Jae met love on a Thursday afternoon.

He tapped his fingers on the table and shook his legs restlessly. As much as he wanted to keep calm and maintain composure, he grew more and more nervous as time went by. What if he wouldn’t like me? What would he think of me once he realizes I’m way cooler behind a screen than in reality? Doubts and questions ran through his head as his eyes darted back and forth his watch and the coffee shop door, waiting for Wonpil to arrive. He came early—a little too early, in fact—as he was afraid of any inconvenience that may arise and cause him to be late. But everything went well, the taxi didn’t pop a tire nor did the train arrive late, and now he’s 45 minutes early to their meeting place.

He took another sip of his iced coffee that was now more than half empty, wiped his hands on his brown pants that was now dampened by the moist of his drink mixed with his sweaty palms. When he heard a familiar ting from his phone, he quickly checked it, expecting a message from Wonpil.

He stood you up yet? :P

It was Brian.

Shut up. I just got here too early, he’ll show up.

You don’t know that, he just might be trippin.

He’s not. He’ll be here soon.

How do you know? You don’t even know him, haven’t even met him.

Dumbass. That’s exactly why I’m here.

I’m just saying. Things don’t always go the way you think it will.

God, is it too hard for you to wish me good luck?

I wasn’t trying to do anything but anyway, good luck mate!!! Stop being so twitchy or your palms will sweat. Nobody likes shaking someone’s sweaty hands

FUCK OFF

Jae was suddenly taken out of his conversation with Brian when he heard a soft voice that asked, “excuse me, are you Jae?”

Jae looked up and there he was. Kim Wonpil. The man whom he talked to every night for almost every week that passed, the guy he shared thoughts and ideas on music with along with playlists and music recommendations that Jae would send to have him listen to a cool beat, rhythm, or lyric, or simply to comfort him when Jae feels like he needs it. Jae finally heard his voice; not just from the clips he sent whenever he created new melodies but right there, in person, with no device or instrument to muffle his soft, sweet voice, making Jae’s name sound more beautiful than Jae ever thought it could. He was finally there, the person behind the words “someone special” that Jae has often mentioned in his latest YouTube uploads. There was Wonpil, his smile wider and more charming than Jae has seen on his phone, tugging on his heartstrings stronger than ever.

“Y-yeah, um, hi,” Jae hit his knee as he stood up, offering a shaky hand which he made sure he wiped neat and dry.

“Careful,” Wonpil chuckled. “Nice to meet you Jae, I’m Wonpil,” he took Jae’s hand.

“Nice to meet you too,” Jae smiled, his voice almost cracking.

“How long have you been waiting? I was so surprised to see you, I thought I’d beat you to getting here early,” Wonpil pouted.

“Well, let’s just say it’s not in my nature to lose,” Jae shrugged. They both chuckled.

They say time flies when you’re having fun. Jae knew that but he didn’t expect it to be that fast. Neither of them thought they’d still have much to talk about. They’ve already been chatting for months, maybe even more or less a year, yet they realized there’s still so much to know about each other. Of course, they always find themselves coming back to music, the thing they figured they had in common and were both passionate about. Jae, being a content creator who mostly posted song covers, shared his thoughts on creating his own music with Wonpil who, despite being a full-time employee at a corporate enterprise, makes his own songs with his piano and sends them to music companies to see if he has a shot at making it in that industry. Aside from that, however, they also found themselves having more profound conversations on passion and whether or not what you want to do is really what you have to do, hard work and how much energy is wasted on the wrong things, privilege and why sometimes no amount of effort is enough to make you succeed, as well as some of the more bearable problems like why the latest Twitter update was so ugly. They did have some awkward quiet moments—both avoiding each other’s eyes, trying to see who will speak first—but it was oftentimes broken by either of them laughing from being too awkward. If it wasn’t for the sound of Jae’s growling stomach, neither of them would’ve noticed that it was already late.

“Oh, someone’s calling,” Wonpil commented while Jae covered his tummy with his arms, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry, I just remembered I skipped lunch earlier. I guess you could say I was too excited to meet you.”

“You should’ve told me, we could’ve gone to a restaurant instead.”

“It’s alright. Besides, anywhere with you would be fine.”

Silence. And then they laughed.

“Anyway, should we get dinner? My treat,” Jae offered.

Wonpil took a moment to think, taking a sip from his warm coffee gone unnoticeably cold.

“Actually, we could have dinner at my place. I live pretty nearby and I could prepare something for you. And me. Dinner for us. How does that sound?” Wonpil asked.

“Wonderful,” Jae replied.

Back in their apartment, Brian laid on his bed in the dark, music from his bluetooth speaker filling the spaces of his room. He took his phone once again, checking if his flatmate had replied to his messages although he did not have high hopes about it. Unsurprised—but a little dismayed—he received nothing.

Is he there?

How did it go?

Or going. Not saying it’ll end quickly

U coming home?

I’m hungry, buy me dinner on your way home.

U guys fucking now?

He typed one last message.

PROTECTION!!!

He closed his eyes as he put his phone down, allowing himself to be engulfed by the music. Just then, Crush’s “Beautiful” played. Only it was acoustic and Brian heard an all too familiar voice singing. Sungjin. His eyes shot open.

He took his phone and hurriedly stopped the song, went to music files on his phone storage and deleted the recording.

Chapter Text

Jae wrote a song on love.

He and Wonpil had been at it for hours, going over lyrics and melodies, changing things around when it doesn’t sound spot on. Papers were scattered around the common area at Jae’s apartment, all of which were filled with words they tried to string together but didn’t seem to make the same sense as they intended it to. Wonpil had already written a chorus—a good one, in fact—and it makes Jae more frustrated as he crumples yet another paper, mindlessly throwing it to his side. He doesn’t know what it is that makes it difficult for him to write lyrics when, looking at the recent songs he’s fumbled into his small notebook, he thought he was doing fine on his own. See, Jae and Wonpil had agreed to write a song for each other. They’d been together for half a year and have done tons of covers together, but it wasn’t until the night Wonpil sang another spur-of-the-moment lyric that Jae thought of writing with him.

“When you love someone

So much that it overflows

It’s so amazing

Because this is how it is'” Wonpil sang, his eyes closed with his fingers fumbling the keyboard, creating a beautiful tune out of the blue.

“Hey, that was beautiful,” Jae commented, looking up from his phone. He’s slumped on the sofa while Wonpil sat by his feet.

“You think so? It was something that just came to mind.”

“Really? How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Create something beautiful just like that.”

“Well, you see… I just think of you and my mind is instantly filled with beautiful things.”

Jae smiled. He sat up and planted a kiss on Wonpil’s forehead, cupping the other’s cheeks.

“Say, how about we write a song together?”

“For each other?”

Jae took a moment to think before nodding and replying, “Sure.”

Jae racked his brain for words while Wonpil poured his heart into lyrics and the tune.

This is a song for you

Oh, I’m singing for you

I’ll give you my everything

I want to cry for you

I want to hurt instead of you

I don’t want any scars in your heart

Ever again

“Woah,” Jae sighed. “How are you so good at this?”

“I told you, I just think of you and it just flows instantly,” Wonpil chuckled, pecking Jae’s lips before heading to the kitchen to grab another pack of chips.

“That’s talent,” Jae replied. “Okay, I’m really going to focus now. Focus. Fo—Hey, what are you doing home this early?” Jae was disrupted by Brian entering the room.

“Hey you,” Wonpil greeted.

“Hey you,” Brian greeted back, a tone higher. He turned to Jae. “What do you mean I got home early? I’m usually home around this time, you just don’t know it ‘cause you’re always at Wonpil’s place.”

“No but like... it’s a Friday, shouldn’t you be out with Sungjin or something?” Jae said.

“I still haven’t met that Sungjin guy, what’s he like?” Wonpil wondered.

“Pretty cool guy, kinda funny, though he can be a little weird sometimes,” Jae replied.

“Hey, he’s not a little weird,” Brian noted. “He’s totally weird.”

“Huh,” Wonpil thought. “Sounds like a guy I’ll get along well with, don’t you think? When can I meet this Sungjin guy anyway?”

“Yeah, Bri,” Jae commented. “We should all get along together sometime, you know. Hang out, get to know each other, and maybe we can even jam. Sing some of those songs you’ve been writing.”

“Wha- how’d you know I’ve been writing?” Brian asked, surprised.

“Bri, have you really been living with me all this time? I thought you already know I’m always up early. Like, your day is just about to end but mine’s already about to begin. That early.” Jae stressed on his last remark.

“He really is up that early,” Wonpil nodded as he slowly eats his chips.

“Also the walls are pretty thin and my hearing is still good,” Jae added, making Wonpil chuckle.

Brian snickered. “You know, that’s a cool idea—meeting each other and all—but I don’t think it’s necessary. Not anymore anyway.”

“Why?” Jae and Wonpil asked, almost simultaneously.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Brian took a quick look at the two before taking a deep breath. “We’ve just both gotten really busy. He’s got his stuff and I got mine. Busy.”

Jae looked intently at his flatmate, trying to search for his eyes which he kept glued to the ground. The room remained still. Wonpil looked at Brian innocently, wondering if anything was wrong. When Jae caught Brian’s eyes and lost it in a split second, he felt something was off.

“Speaking of busy,” Brian sighed. “I gotta head to my room now. Got to work on something. Continue with… whatever you guys are doing.”

Brian went to his room and left Wonpil and Jae staring at each other. Wonpil shrugged, seeming to suggest Jae to shrug it off as well, to which Jae replied with a soft smile. He wanted to go back to writing and get something done but something was bugging him. A few minutes—and a couple of incessant pen taps—later, he decided to check up on Brian.

“Hey dude,” Jae greeted, slowly peeking on his flatmate’s door. Brian laid on his bed, an arm laid over his eyes. Jae quickly thought of something to say but all he could muster was “What’s up?”

Brian looked at Jae, quite surprised, before his face softened up and his lips formed a soft smile. “Why, what’s up with you?” He got up and sat on his bed.

“Nothing really,”Jae replied, closing the door behind him. “I was just wondering if you’re alright.”

“Of course, I’m alright. When have I not been alright?” Brian smirked.

“Right now I think.” Jae looked at Brian dead in the eye.

Brian’s smile slowly faltered as he looked away from his roommate. Silence lingered in his room before Brian sighed and said, “We broke up, Jae. Nearly a month ago.”

Jae sat next to Brian, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t really know what happened, man. One moment it was all going great; we were happy and we made it work despite our differences or any silly issues. Heck, I was almost certain the Love Calculator was right. We truly were 99% compatible and I felt it,” Brian clutched his chest. “And I knew that he felt that too but… we were 1% short. And apparently 1% was enough for love to fall apart.”

Jae squeezed Brian’s shoulder, hoping he knew of better ways to share his friend’s sorrow aside from the small gesture.

“I was such a fool to believe in figures and probabilities,” Brian choked back a tear.

Jae put his arm around Brian’s shoulders and laid his head on the other’s shoulder. Brian placed a hand on Jae’s knee and rested his head on his friend’s as tears started streaming down his face.

“Whatever you have with Wonpil, take care of it Jae,” Brian gently tapped Jae’s knee. “Love is not ready made or precalculated so if you want to make it work, you have to make it work.”

Jae looked up and caught Brian’s eyes which already laid on him.  

“What happened?” Wonpil asked right as Jae left Brian’s room, his eyes glinting with a look of concern. “Is everything alright with him?”

“Yeah,” Jae sighed, feigning a faint smile. “He just needs some time to himself.”

“Did I say something? Did I hurt him?”

Jae’s smile grew wider as he looked at Wonpil, feeling a mix of admiration and sorrow. “No you didn’t. You did nothing. He just had a rough day.”

“Ah, I see. It’s been that kind of day for him, huh?” Wonpil scratched his head. “You think it can cheer him up if I cook him ramen?”

“That’ll probably help.”

“Okay, I’ll fix something for him and us. How about you clean up some of this mess we made?”

“On it,” Jae replied before Wonpil scrambled off into the kitchen.

Jae did as he was told—picked up papers and food wrappers—before slumping back on the sofa. He shook his leg restlessly as if it would help him catch his heart and mind, which were racing violently. Jae looked over at Wonpil, who had his back on him and was busying himself with a pack of ramen, before looking at the closed door behind which his friend nursed an aching heart. A surge of thoughts came flooding through his head, so strongly that it started blurring his vision. He let his head hang back, blinking away his tears. Jae tried to calm himself down and organize the mess on his head before picking up the pen and paper closest to him. He began to write.

It was a really hard day today

My heart aches for you

The only thing I can do for you

Is to be next to you, I’m sorry

You’re so pretty when you smile

So every time you lose that smile

Even if I have to give my all

I want to give it back to you

I hope I can be a little helpful at least

I hope I can be your resting place

I’ll try to make you feel at peace

Whenever you think of me during your busy days

You’re such a soft-hearted person

Every time you are silently in pain

Even if I have to give my all

I want to make you smile again

Chapter Text

Brian thought he had met love.

After weeks of texting and video calling, the day when he can finally meet Sungjin has arrived. It had been tough for them to match up their schedules; Brian being a university student in his final year while Sungjin constantly looked for opportunities to become a breakout artist. He tried going to the competitions Sungjin participated in to cheer him on in person—-not just with emojis and exclamation points—but school requirements almost always seem to get in his way. Sungjin also tried arranging meet-ups with Brian at restaurants around the other’s university but auditions and gigs suddenly came out of nowhere. At some point, Brian thought ‘ if the universe really wanted us together, why won’t it even allow us to meet?’ It wasn’t until the last day of Brian’s finals week when he and Sungjin realized that they finally had their schedules free and they now got the chance to meet. Promptly, they decided on a location and quickly headed there to spend the remainder of their days together.

Brian was the first to arrive since the restaurant they chose was closer to his apartment than the company Sungjin auditioned for. He told the server that he’d check the menu later since he’s waiting for someone although he grew hungrier by the minute. Brian figured he could hold off his growling tummy because he is more eager to see Sungjin than to even have some soup. While waiting, Brian whipped his phone out and returned to the notes app where he typed some lines he hoped he could soon turn into song lyrics.

Everyone in the world except for me

Walking in the streets holding hands

Like they’re so happy

Ah, just when will I get to?

I want to wonder if that warm day will come

But I know

I haven’t even tried it

So how can I love?

Can you tell me how to love?

I have no idea

Can someone tell me?

People say that it’s so nice

Tell me how to love

It’s so difficult

This thing called love, I want to try it

After some hours of humming tunes and racking of the brain for words, Sungjin arrived. He walked straight to Brian’s table, opening his arms wider as he got closer. Brian immediately stood up and caught him in a tight hug as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Their table was filled to the edges with pots and plates filling every space and leaving barely any space to rest their hands. When asked by the server whether they would like to order more, Sungjin replies, “We’ll have more later, thank you.”

Brian enjoyed the meal for many reasons. Not only was he dining with Sungjin, but he was also able to eat a variety of dishes in large amounts without anyone heckling him about it. Turns out, Sungjin enjoyed eating just as much as he did, maybe even more. From someone else’s point of view, it might even seem like they were in an eating competition, going through every plate with their mouths full. Brian can’t help but chuckle every time Sungjin throws a piece of meat straight from the grill into his mouth, fanning himself with a hand while his tears visibly blur his eyes.

“You can’t know the real flavor unless you eat it straight out of the pan,” Sungjin explains.

“Can you even taste anything with a burnt tongue?” Brian chuckles.

In between chews, swallows, and gulps of cold water, Brian and Sungjin talk about anything they have missed out on their chats like each other’s apparent love for food and eating. They spent hours chatting and laughing over the sizzling grill until all dish plates were wiped clean.

Sungjin walked Brian to his apartment. In contrast to the vibe they shared while eating, they walked silently together, sometimes catching each other’s eyes before looking away with a bashful smirk. Brian wonders how they suddenly got so quiet; maybe it was the food settling in their tummies, maybe it was the change in environment, or maybe it was their hands rustling against each other as they walked—too cautious or shy to rest in a touch—that was enveloping them in a strange tension. Brian wanted to take the courage to just take his hand and hold it as firmly as he does his phone but he could not make himself do it and he believes Sungjin felt that way too. When they finally reached Brian’s apartment, all Brian could muster was a smile and a pat on the other’s shoulder.

“Bri?” Sungjin called before Brian could open the main door.

“Yeah?” Brian turned around just as Sungjin walked towards him, closing their lingering distance with a kiss.

In what felt like a quick second, Brian felt their lips part and he opened his eyes to look straight into Sungjin’s. 

“Apparently I can still taste something with a burnt tongue,” Sungjin smirked.

Brain and Sungjin barely met in the months that followed because of their conflicting schedules but whenever they did, they made sure they made every second count. They took every opportunity—any hour on any day—o go out and dine at a new place whenever they can. It was as if they had a gastronomic tour of the city and nearby towns; from seafood, grilled food, and even fine cuisine, they tried to get their hands on every plate they could reach. But out of all the dishes they have tried, they seemed to have an unspoken agreement that their favorite was the comforting flavor of street food.

“Ah, nothing can beat that,” Sungjin sighed after finishing the soup from his cup of odeng.

“Agreed, although this comes close too,” Brian replied between chews of his final stick of tteokbokki.

Sungjin chuckled, his eyes wandering through the crowd of people below them. They were sitting on an elevated area in the plaza, overlooking the lights and chatter from the night market.

“I’m going to miss this,” Sungjin whispered.

“What is? Where are you going?”

“This. All of it. When I finally get my shot as a singer and I get to sing at stages in different parts of the world to let many people hear my voice and my songs, I’m gonna miss this,” Sungjin looked at Brian. “My home.”

Brian took a minute before looking away. “You will leave me behind?”

“Of course not, I’ll always bring you with me. We promised we’d always catch up with each other haven’t we?”

Brian sighed. “You know what, before you become a big shot, why don’t you let me listen to what you’ve prepared for your audition tomorrow? I just want to have the privilege of being the last audience you’ll sing to before you become a superstar,” he chuckled, taking his phone app to start a voice recording file.

“My pleasure,” Sungjin smiled, taking his acoustic guitar from the case that sits beside him. After tuning his guitar, he began singing.

It’s a beautiful life

I will stay by your side

It’s a beautiful life

I will stand right behind you

Beautiful love

If I am with you under this sky

Just breathing alone makes me happy

Brian looked at Sungjin as he sings. He found it incredible how, even with his eyes closed, Sungjin was able to overwhelm him with a wave of passion and emotion—one he has never felt before—through his voice. Allowing himself to get carried away, Brian joined Sungjin in singing, their voices blending together in a wonderful harmony.

It’s a beautiful life

Beautiful day

I live in your memories

Beautiful life

Beautiful day

Stay by my side

Beautiful my life

Beautiful your heart

It’s a beautiful life

Silence sat between Brian and Sungjin a moment after they finished the song, both seemingly flustered by what they just heard.

“That was so cool,” Brian said in disbelief.

“It was really beautiful,” Sungjin replied. “You had that on record?”

“Yeah,” Brian checked his phone. “I’m gonna let Jae listen to this, he’ll probably lose his mind and regret he did not agree to do a duet with me for his YouTube channel.”

Sungjin smiled, “You’re still staying with Jae, huh?”

“Yeah, still need someone to shoulder half the bills. Don’t tell him I said that,” Brian snickered.

“Say what, let’s go to this audition together,” Sungjin suggested. “I mean, we both write and sing even when you only think of it as a hobby. Who knows, we might have a better shot at this as a pair than separate artists. What do you think?”

“That’s ridiculous, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of any career opportunities for you.”

“You won’t, I swear. Think about it.”

“I don’t know… I just,” Brian sighed, “I’m not sure if that’s what I really want to do in life and it would probably be a waste if I headed there blind and passionless unlike you. Heck, I don’t even know what I want to do right now.”

“We’ll figure it out together. I’ll help you realize where your heart lies.”

“I don’t think it will work that way.”

“But I don’t want to go without you.”

“Sung—”

“I love you, Brian.”

Brian stopped the voice recording.

Months passed before they met on the same spot again. Brian has just finished his term and he has been helping out his roommate in recording his videos while Sungjin spent most, if not all, of his time training at the entertainment company he successfully auditioned for. They tried to keep texting each other until they gradually became more occupied with something else. From spending an entire day texting, it slowly shortened to five hours, three hours, an hour, thirty minutes, ten minutes, five minutes, until all they were left with were simple questions like “how was your day?” or “have you eaten?”

“How’s training going?” Brian asked to break the silence, both him and Sungjin looking into the empty sunset-lit plaza that will soon glow with lights from night market stalls.

“Crazy. Hectic. Tough. But also surprisingly fun,” Sungjin replied.

“Have you made any friends?”

Sungjin chuckled. “Yeah, a few. They’re all really friendly there so it wasn’t as tough to find people to have lunch with.”

“That’s good to hear.” 

“How’s it been with you and Jae?”

“Still good. We celebrated when he finally hit 10,000 subscribers on his channel. It’s been going really well for him, I’m actually pretty proud of my little superstar,” Brian chuckled. 

They both stayed silent again.

“Should we cut to the chase?” Sungjin suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“I think we both came here with the same heart.”

Brian sighed. “Has it really come to that?”

Sungjin nodded. “There’s no use denying it, we’ll just make it harder for us.”

“Maybe it’s just a roadblock, maybe if we work around—”

“We’re at a fork in the road, Brian, and I don’t think we both have the heart to choose one path.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.” Brian said.

“You didn’t hurt me,” Sungjin looked at Brian. “You pushed me into where I wanted to go. I don’t think I would’ve had the courage to audition in as many companies if it weren’t for your encouragement. So although I am sad that we have to end here, I’m really really thankful for the time we spent together. I’m glad I gave that Love Calculator app a shot because it let me meet you. There might’ve been an imbalance or a bit of an error in their calculation but they got one thing right, I really did love you.”

“Sungjin… I…”

“You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it,” Sungjin smiled.

“I’m sorry,” Brian whispered.

Sungjin held Brian’s hand. “You know, instead of being sorry, I would appreciate it if you thank me instead.”

Brian looked at him curiously.

”Remember when I told you I’ll help you realize where your heart lies? I think I held up my end of the deal,” Sungin said.

“What?”

“Those lyrics you sent me before, about wanting to know how to love? I think you’ve figured it out now.”

“I don’t…”

“Brian, you don’t have to look far off into the universe,” Sungjin looked straight into Brian’s eyes. “You just have to look at your home.”

Brian looked at Jae who was sitting across him, both of them silently eating the burger and fries they had delivered to their place. There was an unusual quiet atmosphere in the room which Brian had never sensed before. He took glances at his roommate—who had a straight face and whose eyes were glued on their shared fries, taking his time in consuming his McChicken. Brian felt something strange; he couldn't tell what it was and as much as he wanted to figure it out with Jae, he couldn't make himself utter a single word.

Brian was almost on the final bite of his double cheeseburger when Jae finally tore through the odd silence.

"Brian," Jae said softly before clearing his throat. "I need to tell you something."

Tongue-tied, Brian's heart started racing. For what reason, he didn't know—or he didn't want to know. He felt sweat forming on his nape and forehead as he tried his best not to let eagerness show through his eyes. His fingers unknowingly shook, slowly crushing the tiny piece of burger left on his hand. Why are you taking too long? He thought to himself. He wanted Jae to just spit it out yet, at the same time, not. Brian tried to suppress a voice in his head but the more he tries, the louder it gets.

Just say it…

Say it..

Please say it..

I…

"I'm moving in with Wonpil," Jae said.