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Neil always has this inkling that he can’t run from his past. He knows he will never outrun it. After all, the past eighteen years has moulded him to be who he is right now. Neil Josten wouldn’t exist without Nathaniel Wesninski and without other twenty one names he has used.
He doesn’t know whether it’s confidence towards the Moriyamas’ promised protection or his idiocy created by not running for almost a year or so that makes him less more alert but he accepts that he can’t undo it now.
He has never been more thankful of Andrew’s [previously Renee’s] knives hidden under his armbands.
One moment he is overcome with happiness that the original Foxes are once again gathered altogether for the girls’ last year in Palmetto State University. They met outside of the stadium and decides to walk inside the locker room as a group. Then, the next moment, Kevin is closing the door behind them as they all enter the changing room one after another – trapping them with a hooded man, holding a knife in one hand and a gun in another, who’s standing in the farthest corner of the room.
Andrew’s immediate response is standing in front of Nicky, Aaron and Kevin. He tries to push Neil behind him but Neil stands his ground right beside the goalkeeper. He receives a dark look from Andrew brought by his stubbornness.
Renee does the same as she walks in front of the other upperclassmen. Her eyes are glazed with that darkness and dangerous glint Neil hasn’t seen for quite a while.
The man lifts his gaze from the ground until his eyes are staring right at Neil’s. His face breaks into a wide, manic grin.
Neil stiffens as recognition finally sinks into him.
The man must have sensed Neil’s realisation because his smile turns wider until he is full-on laughing. He raises his gun when Matt moves to twist the doorknob. “Don’t you fucking dare,” He hisses, eyes never leaving Neil’s. “One wrong move and I will pull the trigger. I don’t care who I hit.”
Knowing the man’s past achievements --if one could call them that-- and precision percentage, Neil knows that the man isn’t joking so Neil breathes a tense, “No one must move.” He lifts his chin and spits the man’s name as an insult, “Gabe.”
Gabe laughs again and fiddles with his gun’s trigger. “Ah, he remembers,” He mutters. “Nathaniel, Nathaniel, Nathaniel,” He sighs and then shoots at the ground, making all the Foxes jump. “I said, no wrong move, didn’t I? Drop the phone.”
By Nicky’s yelp, he must have been the one being accused of. There was something hitting the ground – most likely the backliner’s phone.
Gabe takes two steps forward. He gradually lifts the hand with a knife in front of him until the point is about ten inches away from Neil’s face. His smile is gone, replaced by rage and something that screams imminent threat. “Your foolish act few months ago cost me my career. You made me hide and run for my life for the last several months. I figured since I might actually die soon, why not make you suffer first?”
He huffs a laugh, itching towards his knives. “Do I look like I care? Stop pretending you were successful under my father. He rarely asked for your assistance. I only saw you on the job for like four times since I was little. Why is that?”
“Neil,” Kevin warns when Gabe grits his teeth, falling under Neil’s act of riling him up.
Gabe tries to calm down and looks at Aaron. “Let’s see how brave you are when I hurt one of your friends—“
Andrew takes out one of his knives and points it at Gabe’s abdomen. The blond goalkeeper gets one in return right on his side.
Gabe smirks and glances at Neil. “What about this one? Can I kill him? He seems so willing to die and—“
Neil throws all precautions out of the window. He internally rips away the mask he painstakingly tried to stay put on. He begrudgingly pushes Neil Josten away and accepts Nathaniel Wesninski back into the picture. He needs to, he reasons, with Gabe’s knife just a breath away from Andrew’s side and Gabe’s gun pointed at Dan, at the moment.
Nathaniel gives Gabe an once-over and lets his father’s smile take over his face. “You haven’t changed. Always wanted to appear to be not left behind.”
Nathaniel ignored the frightened and astonished looks he receives from the Foxes. He sighs and takes a step towards Gabe. The effect is immediate, the man quickly turns the knife towards Nathaniel.
With one swift move, Nathaniel manages to swat the knife away from Gabe’s unrelenting hand. Nathaniel flicks his arms and in a second, both of his hands hold knives. Oddly, he feels like he vaguely enjoys holding these weapons.
“I think you’re forgetting who I was – am, Gabe,” He snarls. “I am Nathaniel Wesninski. I was raised with knives as first thing I saw the moment I was born. I was carved with knives which designs I still remember vividly. I was born to yield knives – I just chose not to, as much I could,” He mutters. He points the knives at their assailant, satisfied with the fear that passed through Gabe’s eyes. “You were trained to use knives in order to continue my father’s trademark of murder. I, on the other hand, was born to use knives as his the Butcher’s heir. I might not have continued his disgusting legacy yet my body remembers every move, every pressure, every part of the body easiest to bleed.” The knife in his hand glinted. “You chose knives as your weapon. The knives chose me to wield them.”
Gabe forgets the others and lunges towards Neil, foregoing his gun and wrapping his hands around Neil’s throat.
He is lifted a foot above the ground in a second. He sees Andrew and Renee move towards him but Nathaniel throws them a look. “No,” He hisses.
Andrew obviously disapproves of Nathaniel’s resistance, quivering with the need to attack.
Gabe’s eyes are glazed over with that hunger for Nathaniel’s death in his own hands. He is just foolish enough to think Nathaniel would let that happen. “Oh, how I would love to kill the ones you love to see those tears stream down your cheeks as you wonder why you even stayed here – endangering them. But I’d rather kill you. The Wesninski’s biggest disappointment.”
Nathaniel tunes the man out as he succumbs back to face Neil, who is staring back at him. “It would be easy to kill him. I could if you want me to.”
Neil blinks and looks at their hands, one pair yielding knives and another pair shaking while empty-handed. “Kill him.”
Nathaniel hums. “The Foxes are out there, watching this unfold.”
“I don’t want to risk their lives by letting him go. I don’t care if they see. Kill him,” Neil utters, obviously a little pained with the words coming out of his mouth.
However, Nathaniel knows truth when he sees it. Neil Josten truly is a masochist, willing to sacrifice everything for his Foxes. But Nathaniel nods at Neil’s pleading look and returns to the present. Gabe is still spitting nonsense so to finally settle this mess, Nathaniels stabs one of the knives on the man’s neck and slits his throat in one swift slice. The knives were sharp and sturdy enough to make this quicker and easier.
Gabe gurgles non-coherent words. He lets Nathaniel go and tries to reach for his throat.
But Nathaniel doesn’t let him. He kicks the man’s stomach, sending Gabe towards the lockers – making them clatter by the impact.
“Rot in hell, Nathaniel,” Gabe spits, blood going out of mouth and eyes.
Nathaniel throws his other knife towards Gabe’s chest, hitting the man’s heart effortlessly. “You just wasted your final breath. I was already there. See you in few decades.”
Gabe lies few feet away from him, limp, lifeless and cold.
Nathaniel stares at the man’s corpse for a straight minute until a hand clamps the nape of his neck. He almost jumps but Neil’s body doesn’t react so he immediately knows that Neil accepts the touch. He turns his head and is met by Andrew Minyard’s intense golden eyes. “Ah,” He greets. “Minyard.”
The hold around his nape tightens. Andrew seethes, “Bring Neil back.”
“Are you certain you want that after what just happened?” Nathaniel queries, looking over Andrew’s shoulder towards the other Foxes (except Renee) staring at him with terror-filled eyes. They’re funny to look at, as if they weren’t born and from families brought up with issues. But then again, some of them might have never expected to witness Neil’s body disposing of someone like this. He tried to be as least brutal as he could manage.
Andrew looks close to strangling him. In fact, he feels like the blond already is. “I don’t fucking care about what they think. Bring Neil back or I am killing you next.”
He blinks at the blond, slowly realising what made Neil Josten interested towards the goalkeeper. Just how easily Neil distinguished the twins, Andrew Minyard managed to see the difference between Neil and Nathaniel. It is interesting to see it unfold. “Sure. I do have this inkling that you will see me again soon, though.” He responds, closing his eyes and letting Neil take over again.
Neil opens his eyes and throws Gabe’s corpse a look before lifting his gaze towards the Foxes. The tension in Andrew’s shoulders decreases when Neil looks back at him. He doesn’t know what in his face changes that helps Andrew identify between who he is and was.
His throat closes up, though, when he meets the others’ frightened looks. Nicky can’t even bear looking at him. Aaron looks like he’s doing his best not to bolt. Kevin is a minute away from throwing up. Dan tries to look unaffected but her tight hold on Matt’s sleeve gives her away. Matt’s openly terrified expression makes Neil’s heart clench. Allison’s hands are shaking on her sides. Renee’s serene gaze isn’t helping either.
He clenches his jaw and takes out his phone. “Andrew, can you recite Uncle Stuart’s phone number? We have some cleaning up to do.”
Andrew whips out his own phone out. The similarity between the two models sort of comforted Neil. As if he had an ally in a cage full of skittering and uncertain cubs. “I’ll do it. Talk to Coach. Do you know what tools are needed to clean this room?”
Neil walks towards Gabe’s corpse, pushes it away with a foot, and inspects the damage. “Well, thank Nathaniel for not doing a messy job. This is an easy clean. I can get the tools in an hour with a nearby contact.”
The Foxes silent gazes are making his skin crawl.
Andrew evidently also doesn’t appreciate it. He glares at them. “Go towards Abby’s and go whine to her if you’re not helping. Kevin, keep an eye on them or I’ll bury you next.”
The other scurry out of the stadium in almost a stampede, silent, obedient and jumpy. Neil doesn’t blame them. The scene and smell are horrible. He, himself, wants to move out of this place but the least he could do was clean it up since Gabe came for him.
Andrew draws Neil’s stare out of the door the Foxes run off to by grabbing Neil’s chin and making the striker look back at him. Neil gets the message without the words spoken out loud.
Whatever the goalkeeper witnessed moments ago, it wouldn’t make him run away. He knows this is part of Neil too and he accepts it whole-heartedly.
He doesn’t expect how affected the Foxes are with what happened. He knows it would have certain effects but not to the point it has reached.
The upperclassmen immediately quiet down when he enters the girls’ room to ask for Renee’s knife-cleaning supplies. Usually, he is welcomed with open arms but right now, he could feel he isn’t wanted without the words spoken aloud.
Neil tries to engage with small talk even if he is shitty with it. “Dan, when are we starting practice?”
Dan jumps at being talked to, and wouldn’t look at Neil as she answers with a hesitant, “When this settles down.” That doesn’t really answer his question. She looks like she’s also questioning her own response.
He gulps and nods at this response. He then turns towards Alison, who is suddenly busy with her phone. “Alison, do you think you can give me a haircut before practice starts? My fringe is on the way.” His hair isn’t that long yet but he is willing to have it cut if it means some part of his life returns to normal.
Alison stiffens, tries to pretend she didn’t, and just hums, still busy with her phone, tapping at nothing, “I’ll tell you when I have an open slot.” She always makes time for him.
Renee’s solemn gaze at him begs him to give them time.
Neil gets the hint and walks out of their room with Renee’s cleaning supplies.
Neil’s patience grows thinner when Andrew is also thrown into the loop – ignored, avoided and pushed away by his own lot. This isn’t exactly new, especially with the kind of deals and relationships they have inside the group but this is a lot worse since they are openly doing the mentioned things. Before, they only skittered away when Andrew lashes out. This time, Andrew hardly takes a step and the others disappear within their peripherals.
“Aaron, what heals strangle bruises the fastest?” Andrew asks, probably for Neil’s bruise around his neck, when Aaron enters their suite room to bring back the history book he borrowed from Kevin.
Aaron throws Neil a look while Nicky yelps in surprise by the animosity in the air. “Why don’t you look for it in the internet?” He snaps, turning back to his own study textbooks.
Andrew gives his twin a bored look, unimpressed with the outburst. “You act as if you haven’t taken a man’s life yourself, dear twin of mine.”
The blond backliner bristles and spits, “You would know, wouldn’t you? After all, you murdered my mother.” His eyes are ice cold as he glares at his own brother.
Neil grits his teeth and sinks within himself. Nathaniel surfaces back with a cold, “Don’t make me regret not letting Gabe pull the trigger at you, Aaron Minyard. I try not to regret past choices.”
“Fuck you,” Aaron shakily retorts back, probably identifying this isn’t Neil he’s dealing with.
Nathaniel sweeps his gaze from Aaron to Nicky to Kevin, who are all staring at him with open disgust and fright. He smirks, throws himself on a bean chair and sinks deeper on it. “It’s funny how you people effortlessly throw promises of accepting someone no matter what when in fact, you can barely digest the fact that these hands just killed a man. And to make things funnier, Neil asked me to do it to protect all of you. He will definitely ask me to do it again if the situation asks for it. Don’t make me second-guess saving your asses.”
He closes his eyes and faces Neil again. Nathaniel hates the fear he sees in the eyes he possesses. Fear of being pushed away. Fear of being left behind. Fear of his teammates’ hatred.
“Fuck them,” Nathaniel snarls, looking directly at Neil Josten, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around the trembling boy before him.
The clean-up was so quick, no one would have noticed something happened. After all, the next week, Coach Wymack calls a meeting in the same room with the same people. However the atmosphere and reasons certainly varied.
Neil’s several interactions with Kevin were full of monosyllabic responses and green eyes he never met. Neil almost called off their night practices because they barely could manage drills due to Kevin’s nerves whenever they are all in the same room alone.
Andrew shoves Neil at the edge of their couch, away from anyone else, and shielded by Andrew’s body.
A grim-looking Wymack and pale Abby enter only a minute later. Coach senses the atmosphere immediately and heaves a sigh, which shouldn’t make Neil guilty but Neil does anyway.
He badly wants to bolt out of the room and take a half day run somewhere and anywhere but Andrew’s body beside him stops him.
“What the fuck?” Coach Wymack yells at the room to which everyone jumps. “How are we supposed to start summer practice if you’re like this?”
“Coach—“ Nicky starts.
“I know what happened, Hemmick. Neil spilled everything last week. No, that was Nathaniel, wasn’t it?” He throws the question at Neil, to which Neil nods. “The way you talked about the whole event was way too monotonous and emotionless for it to come from Neil. Your eyes were also very cold, he could have frozen the room in a minute.”
Neil is surprised with how easily Wymack distinguished the differences.
Coach slams the butt of a racquet on the ground. “You have to pull yourself together. You’re Foxes. You know Neil’s past. You, yourself, have pasts we try our best to move forward from. You should’ve expected what happened, considering his past.”
Aaron scoffs. “Easy for you to say, Coach. You didn’t witness it with your own eyes.”
Wymack scowls at the blond backliner. “Aaron, I have seen things that will make you insane. Don’t test me,” Coach snaps. “If this continues, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hatford looked for a new team for Neil to transfer to.”
Neil’s eyes widen, twitching a little at the mention of his Uncle in England. “He wouldn’t—“
“He cares about your life, not what you feel, Neil. He would do it if he must. He’s a Hatford. You were a Hatford yourself, right?”
Neil knows that’s true. He hates that it’s true and he couldn’t muster a retort back.
“Let me test something,” Abby murmurs and hands Neil two unfamiliar knives. The other Foxes immediately either skitter away or stiffen from where they are. Abby sighs and takes the knives away.
Nathaniel has manifested before them a second earlier than Andrew anticipated so he was in the middle of, “Neil, don’t—“ when Nathaniel Wesninski appears. He looks deep within himself and curses internally upon seeing Neil sink down and down into the darkness. He wonders if the other would ever resurface at this rate.
Andrew’s protest at his appearance is cut off when Nathaniel looks back at him directly. He doesn’t know what expression is currently at his face but Nathaniel must have sent off his need to show himself for an important issue to be addressed with towards Andrew because the blond frowns.
“Where is he?” The goalkeeper snarls.
“Neil is currently hiding, confused by the animosity the ones he would willingly die for is giving him. He is within me, digging the grave he buried me in, preparing to crawl inside and never come back. He wouldn’t even talk to me,” Nathaniel growls, throwing an accusatory look at the others in the room. “I give it ‘til midnight before he fully buries or drowns himself alive, leaving me with you people.”
Andrew grabs Nathaniel’s arm and squeezes so tightly, Nathaniel knows it would leave a bruise. “Give him back.”
“That will depend on what I see today,” He whispers then stands up. He sees a little bit of desperation in those hazel eyes Neil seems to be fond of so he adds, “I will do what I can.”
With that, he stands and walks until he is in everyone’s vision. “I am Nathaniel Wesninski, I am Nathan Wesninski, the Butcher’s son. I am Mary Hatford’s son. I was raised a murderer. I was raised a butcher of men. I was raised a runner. I was raised a survivor. I was the person who slit Gabe Watson’s throat a week ago.
I am also Neil Josten – the person who asked me to kill the threat towards the Foxes he loves so dearly. My hands aren’t clean. I have killed 7 men and 5 women. I buried 9 of them myself. I am no angel no matter what you think of me as someone you must protect.”
He looks at the wall clock and then looks at David Wymack straight at his eyes. “Show me your worthy or you will never have him back.”
Dan stands and takes a step forward towards him. Her expression is beyond furious. “You are nothing but the Butcher’s son. You will never be Neil Josten. You will never be one of the Foxes.”
He smirks at her and takes a step towards her, he scoffs when she stiffens at his action. “Did you really think I’ll leave him with you when you’re acting like this?”
“Fight me,” Andrew says.
Nathaniel turns towards the goalkeeper and tilts his head on a side. “Elaborate.”
Andrew stands up, takes out two of his knives and points both at him. His expression shows nothing but apathy but that tenseness on his shoulders screams danger. Nathaniel feels shiver run down his spine despite his confidence with his ability with knives. “Spar with me. First to admit defeat loses. I win, bring Neil back no matter what. You win, you get to keep him. Deal?”
The other Foxes reacts variously – some in anger, some in bafflement and several anxious. Nathaniel huffs his laughter and gestures towards the door. “Deal. Lead the way.”
Their sparring session has been ongoing for almost fifteen minutes now and Nathaniel is genuinely surprised with how long Andrew has survived their fight. They have stayed fair – dealing with knives and nothing else. Some elbows and kicks from here and there but the blades of four knives are mostly what made the audience hold their breaths.
Neil has emerged from his hiding spot, looking over and watching with wide, fearful eyes. He is not worried about Nathaniel, though. He’s not concerned about the body he also inhabits. He is terrified over Andrew’s safety. He knows Andrew is a lot better at close-range fighting however, when knives are involved Nathaniel has wielded this sort of weapon ever since he was born. Neil knows Nathaniel’s capabilities.
Nathaniel skidded to the right and got some locks of his hair from the blade that was few centimeters away from his eyes. He jumps backward and anticipates how long it would take Andrew to reach him so once the blond is near enough him, a blade is already pointed near the goalkeeper’s abdomen.
Nathaniel visibly feels Neil take over his arm to halt his movement so he accepts the pain the cut on his arm receives. “Neil!” He hisses at himself.
Andrew gets distracted with that so Nathaniel uses his left knife and attempts to throw it at his opponent. He is a millisecond away from tossing his weapon when Neil screams, “No!” that Nathaniel loses his grip. Andrew dodges in time to only get a scratch on his right cheek.
“What is it that you want to do? Are you running away or staying? Am I you or will you be me?” Nathaniel growls as Neil taking over makes him lose his footing that he ends on his ass on the cold, hard ground.
Neil looks a second away from strangling him. “Don’t hurt him.” He pauses and clenches his fists. “Don’t hurt any of them.”
He decides to answer the striker aloud, “You are so adamant on keeping them safe. Keeping them safe to the point of isolation, is this what really makes you happy?”
The other Foxes, who watched him in horror since earlier, simultaneously look guilty.
Neil grits his teeth and gives him the darkest look he receives in his life. “That doesn’t matter. They gave me a home. This is the least I could do for them.”
He rolls his eyes. “This is the least you could do for them?” He parrots. “Neil, you’re disassociating to the point that you’re a meter away from sinking until only I exist within this body.”
Gasps are heard around him. Andrew’s eyes are on him alone, if it was a different person he would feel conscious immediately.
Nathaniel looks at the knife in his hand, at the Foxes, at Andrew and then raises his gaze at the skies. “One last chance,” He whispers. He then raises his knife and points it at his throat. “We might as well leave together.”
Neil silently stares at him with wide eyes, torn between silence or screaming to stop him.
The striker doesn’t need to choose because in a flash, the Foxes are around him. Andrew takes and tosses the knife away, gripping his nape tightly, eyes screaming ‘No’ loudly. Kevin is shouting profanities at him for doing that, Matt keeping the other striker at bay because Kevin looks like he wanted to strangle Neil. Abby and Nicky are crying, the nurse kissing his forehead and the backliner gripping his hand tightly. Allison and Dan are hugging him firmly, clasping onto him as if he could disappear into thin air. Aaron is tending his twin’s injury and then moves to the injury on Neil’s hand when he accidentally grips the blade of one of Andrew’s knives to defend himself. Renee is holding onto his other hand, shaking her head in plea.
Nathaniel faces Neil and offers his hands. Neil tentatively places his hands on top. “They adore you. You have nothing to worry about. They will not always understand but they will stand by you anyway.”
Neil looks towards the light, towards where his family is waiting, and hesitates. “Are you leaving?”
Nathaniel shrugs. “Do you want me to?”
Neil contemplates this for several moments before shaking his head, surprising Nathaniel. “Stay. It’ll be a fulfilling life ahead of us.”
Nathaniel tries his best to keep his smile to himself. Neil has grown into his own man. He has become someone he is proud of. He has created this person that he knows will live long enough to love living. Neil has freed Nathaniel.
Nathaniel is setting him free, because after all these years of sorrow and suffering, Neil Josten deserves nothing but the best. And the best is out there, crying for him to come back.
He nods and pushes Neil towards the light. “Go.”
Neil emerges and blinks at the brightness and the crowd that has gathered around him. He is a second away from suffocating. “Guys, I can’t breathe!” He gasps, flailing to get their attention.
The Foxes all squeak when Coach raises rolled papers and smacks Neil’s head with them. “You idiot! What the fuck were you thinking?”
He chuckles when his family returns to smouldering him with hugs, kisses, tears and promises. He raises his gaze and sends an apologetic smile at Andrew. Despite the blankness of his stare, Neil sees that Andrew has become relaxed and is watching him with hooded eyes- welcoming him back despite his apathetic self.
Neil sighs and lets himself be showered with affection. His Foxes wouldn’t always understand. They would be misunderstandings here and there. But they’ll be fine. They have one another.
He reaches for the hem of Andrew’s shirt and tugs it gently. Andrew lets himself be manhandled until he is beside Neil. They’ll be fine. They have each other.