Chapter Text
It had been a long day for Kouha Ren. Traveling from Magnostadt was always an inconvenience, especially with stupid bandits on the road thinking they could rob him without relinquishing any of their limbs. It didn’t help things that Hakuei had chosen to stay in that magic-infested kingdom to make sure the shadow hanging over it was completely eradicated, so there was no way Kouen was going to have anything but that boring stoic look on his face.
After he got his household established in one of the state buildings, Kouha washed himself and prepared the report he would have to give to Kouen and Koumei, two hardasses in matters of empire if he had ever seen them, and that was saying something, considering he fancied himself one (though he suspected he wasn't as skilled in that regard as his brothers). Kouha sighed, wishing once again that Hakuei could give this report instead, figuring that she would make the Kou Empire’s progress in Magnostadt look infinitely more appealing to Kouen than he ever could.
He read the report in his hands over and over again as he walked into the palace, expecting Kouen to be presiding over a busy court, his eyes piercing him like a hawk does a rabbit’s throat. He gulped, hoping to catch Kouen in a pleasant mood, but it seemed unlikely, considering the court was completely empty and a bizarre noise dominated the air. Grabbing onto his metal vessel, he tentatively approached Kouen and was surprised to find him on the floor.
All right, who were the assholes who’d dare try to assassinate his brother?! He’d find them, and then he’d rip them to shreds, how dare they, those Balbadd fuckers, he’ll destroy them all–wait, why was there a smile on Kouen’s face?
Okay, something was up. Kouen Ren, his eldest brother, the stoic and powerful conqueror of empires, was laughing. In fact, he was curled up in a ball and rolling on the floor around his chair. All in all, it was one of the stranger sights Kouha had ever beheld. Somehow, by a miracle of the rukh, Kouha could make out a breathless “Alibaba-” between uproarious laughs.
Ah, so Aladdin’s king candidate has something to do with Kouen’s bizarre mood. Kouha let go of his metal vessel and knelt beside Kouen to ask, “Okay, what joke did Alibaba tell you to make you laugh this long?”
“Alibaba’s a virgin!” Kouen blurted out before he burst into another round of laughter.
That’s it? How rude, Kouha thought as he watched Kouen double over for the third time since he arrived in the room, the poor young prince is obviously afflicted with something if he hasn’t popped his cherry yet. He awkwardly stepped away from his brother as he said, “So... when do you want the report?”
Another miracle of the rukh occurred and Kouen managed to compose himself just enough to say, “Just drop it on my throne, I’ll read it later- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Kouha rolled his eyes before dropping the report on Kouen’s throne as requested and getting the hell out of that room.