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Chapter Text

The war was over, at least the ceasefire was announced, but the hospital was still in full operation.

There were no more nightly convoys. The care for the injured man was different now, quieter and with less voltage. The yearn for the end of the war was over, and although everyone was happy that the end was there, the atmosphere in the hospital was cheerful but just not exuberant. There was a quiet melancholy that was well suited to the short, dark December days before Christmas.

However, during these days, the rumor spread that over a few weeks the hospital would be removed and demolished. Probably everyone could in the new year go back to England. Back to the old life, away from the horrors of war and the lack of comfort. That message caused much commotion amongst the staff.

Meanwhile, Kitty was deeply troubled. What would she do when the hospital was closed? Where could she go? Back to London? And then what? There was nothing left for her in London, no one was waiting for her. The only thing for her there was probably grief and humiliation. She had never heard anything from her family and knew nothing of the development and the life of her daughter Sylvie.

How should Kitty make a living when she would be in England again? She had almost no money and her family would not support her, Kitty would not accept any help from them anyway. Where could she find decent work and who could help her with her livelihood?

But the most important, most burning question was this: where was Thomas?

Thomas had last year got promoted and worked since then in a Casuelty Clearing Station. He wrote letters to her, which she received from Miles. His letters were irregular and sometimes with long intervals, but Kitty received mostly at least one letter a month. And now Kitty had received no more letters since September and nothing has been heard of Thomas. Also Miles had heard nothing from or about Thomas.

Miles had tried to make his usual indestructible optimism to put up her confidence. But weeks and months skewed and Kitty became increasingly concerned. Thoughts that she really could not stand about Thomas, perhaps he would never come back to her, crossed her mind more and more often. And in the eyes of Miles saw Kitty the same increasing concern when Thomas was mentioned.

His name was not (yet) on the lists Red Cross spread, the lists of the men who were killed, but Kitty knew enough of this war to realize that not every dead man was identified or even found.

And as time progressed, her worries and fears took ever greater proportions. Perhaps there was a bomb cases on the place where he worked? What if Thomas was struck and felled by a bullet? What if he'd never come back? What if she'd never know where he was or what had happened to him? These thoughts kept her from her sleep and her sleepless nights were long and lonely and cold.And when the sleep eventually came, she was haunted by her old nightmares in a new and horrific form.

One night she woke up screaming from a lively terrifying nightmare in which Thomas lay dead in the mud and Elliot stood there laughing like a devil beside. While the face of Thomas faded, Elliot looked with his cold eyes to Kitty and hissed to her that this was exactly what she deserved. And while she woke up screaming, Kitty still heard the diabolical laughter of Elliot in her ears.

She decided to brave the cold night. Nothing could be worse than that terrible fear that now snuggled into her chest.

Once outside Kitty became calmer. She walked to the middle of the camp, where under a shed were some chairs. Luckily there was no one else there and so Kitty sat down and lit a cigarette. After a while the pounding of her heart took off and she became calmer. It was quiet and dark now thundering artillery firing had stopped.

In the peaceful silence Kitty lets her mind go blank. Until she was startled by approaching footsteps. Because of the dark, it was hard to see who was approaching and Kitty actually had absolutely no need for companionship. So she ducked, but in vain, the footsteps came closer and someone sat in the chair beside her.

Chapter Text

Now the end of the hospital has come into view, Matron was still busy. There had to be arranged and organized a lot and at the end of an evening (or the beginning of the night), after a long consultation with kolonet Brett, she was on her way to her bed. She was deep in thought, and as she walked on the boardwalk, she suddenly noticed that there was someone sitting in a deck-chair. She recognized miss Trevelyan. Matron hesitated a moment, then she changed her direction and walked to the seats to sit next to Ms. Trevelyan.

"Good evening, Miss Trevelyan" said Matron, and Kitty muttered, "Good evening Matron".

The two women sat together in silence for a while.

Matron thought back to the beginning of the war, the establishment of the hospital, the growing area where the amounts of tents were increasing. The relentless stream of wounded men. The first batch of VADs, in wicht also Kitty arrived. Kitty was the one she had almost sent back to England on the day of the arrival Although they had a difficult start, Matron appreciated Kitty now for the work she did and the way she implements her tasks.

"What are your plans now that the hospital is closed?" Matron asked to Kitty.

Kitty sighed deeply and looked for words. "I do not know," she said desperately. She paused and said, "You know in what situation I find myself: My mother told me I was dead. I cannot see my own daughter and I do not know what has become of her. My family has disowned me..

I have no one left. "

She said in a small voice: "Where can I go?"

The silence fell down again on the two women. After a few minutes Matron asked Kitty: "How was it for you to work here?"

Kitty replied, "Oh, that was good. Despite all the difficult moments, the dying men, the terrible injuries, it was great for me to work here. I felt really useful, I could give meaning to my life.”

Kitty sighed. The real reason, the joy of working in the hospital was of course Thomas. The man who loved her unconditionally. That stubborn man who had promised that he would never hurt her. He was the one who gave her life meaning. However, she could not tell that to Matron, could she?

"Well, Kitty" Matron said, "I have a proposal for you. When I go back to England, I will be working in a military hospital in London. From a reliable source I know they are looking for candidates to be trained as a nurse What would you think if I write a recommendation for you? It is hard work and you have little free time, but you are already used to that in here. You can get a degree and provide a livelihood and be independent. "

Kitty jumps when Matron called her by her first name. She listens to the proposal from Matron and repeats the words several times for herself: Get a diploma. Provide a livelihood. Be independent.

"Why," she finally asked. "Why are you doing this for me?"

After a while Matron replied. "I think you're a good worker, and I think you can really be a good nurse.

When I was young, I brought myself into trouble. There was a man that I have loved dearly My family did not accept that and I was sent away. Someone else came to help me, offered me a chance and behold, here I am: a nurse and Matron

I do not believe in everlasting punishment, Kitty. I believe that people should have opportunities. If I'm the one that you can offer to build a life for yourself, I'd like to do that for you."

Kitty has no answer. She has a lump in her throat and she felt the tears burning behind her eyes. She swallows and swallows and when she trusts her voice, she asks: "That man, your lover...." and then stops as she begins to sob softly.

"He was killed in 1915" replied Matron short.

Under the sobs of Kitty, Matron says softly: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Remember that Kitty. And never lose hope. Maybe he'll come back."

And in that moment, Kitty understands that Matron knows what her biggest concern is.

Chapter Text

It is a quiet and misty December day. The old year ends, a few days lasts and then it will be 1919. Kitty does not know what she should expect from the new year, but she is a kind of relieved to close the old year off.

On this afternoon, after her shift, Kitty decides to walk to the graveyard. When she sees the rows of crosses, she is, as always, impressed by them. She realizes that under every cross is a man, a son, a brother, a lover, someone who will never return. She sighs deeply and thinks of the suffering of those men, those lost and wasted lives. Children who will grow up without a father. Women who are widowed. Mothers who have lost their sons. What a misery and sorrow.

She regrets that it is winter. There are no flowers now, nothing what she can lay on the graves. She stops at a number of graves from which she knows which men are buried there: some of them she has nursed, others she has washed after their death.

Since the nocturnal conversation with Matron, now a few days ago, Kitty has become calmer. Despite the advice given by Matron to never lose hope, she is now convinced that Thomas will never come back. Strangely enough, that convincion makes her feel more serene, althought inside her the grief nags and gnaws.

Sleeping is still a difficult task for her, but at last the nightmares had stayed away. When she can’t sleep, she grabs her most prized possession, the stack of letters which she received from Thomas and reads them all, one by one. And although she can recite the letters from her head, word for word, it gives her an infinite comfort to see his handwriting and to realize that his breath was over these letters.

When Kitty finally decides to walk back, she sees Miles. He stands on the edge of the cemetery, and there is an expression of infinite sadness on his face. Kitty walks slowly towards him.

For a moment they stand together and there is a sense of camaraderie that surrounds them like a shade. Then says Miles "You know, Kitty, I would have given anything to bring him back. Everything."

Kitty nods and says. "I know"

"It is so incredibly horrible" Miles continues. "Someone who was so talented and so dedicated, how can he suddenly be gone? And for you, Kitty, I mean, the two of you two fit together like...." He falls silent, swallows, searching for the words: " ... You were made for each other. "
On his face, the despair emerges and he almost shouts "I will never find someone with whom I can get along so well.". He sighs deeply, trying to say something, but the words won’t come out.

Kitty takes his hand and squeezes it. Silently they stand together, side by side, two small, dark figures in the falling darkness, each with their own thoughts.

After a few moments, Miles asks Kitty: "What are your plans?" And Kitty tells him about the suggestion of Matron. Miles listens and nods and when Kitty stops talking, he says, "Whatever happens in the future Kitty, come to me if you need help. I will always be there for you, for the sake of Thomas and our friendship .... " and then his voice breaks again. .

Kitty looks at him and says, "Thank you, Miles."

After a while they walk together back to the hospital and when they arrive, the darkness of the evening is complete. Miles has calmed down and he asks Kitty: "You know that I'm leaving tomorrow?" Kitty nods. There will be in the mess a farewell tonight, as there have been many in the recent weeks. Kitty avoided these evenings in the last few weeks, but tonight she’ll be there and so she tells Miles.

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Later that evening, in the mess, it’s a sociable gathering. Colonel Brett holds a speech, there is cheerful talk and laughter. Kitty sits with Flora and Rosalie, when of the departing men comes toward them and asks, "Ladies, may I ask you please to sing one last time for us?"

Flora calls immediately, "Yes." Rosalie sighs, raises her eyebrows and says, "Sure, if I have to?"
The last thing Kitty wants to do on this evening is to sing. But on the other hand, she does not want to spoil the fun. She sees the expectant glances of those present. And so she says, "Okay, why not", stands up and walks with Flora and Rosalie to the front of the mess.

They sing a few songs and many of the staff members are singing along and even sister Quale seems to sing, given the minimal movement of her lips.

And then Colonel Brett requests a song. The buzz stops and it’s quiet while Rosalie plays the first chord.

Kitty's heart beats in her throat, her composure is gone and a huge wave of sadness engulfs her. She swallows and closes her eyes while tears roll down her cheeks.

"There's a long, long trail a winding" sing Flora and Rosalie. Kitty opens her mouth and tries to sing but she can’t. She feels the arm of Flora around her, and an encouraging squeeze in her shoulder and then falls Kitty in and sings with the courage of despair:

"Till the day when I'll be going down, that long, long trail with you. "

Chapter Text

The night has fallen when he arrives in the town. He's exhausted and if he is wise, he should find himself a place to sleep.

He considers his options for a moment and then he sees a British army jeep. He stumbles over there and he asks for a ride.

It appears he can ride along so he gets himself into the jeep. His face contorts in pain as he takes the seat. The driver asks him something, he can’t understand him because he almost gets out of his mind from the pain, but he quickly replies that everything is okay.

“Are you sure?” asks the driver.

He replies:" Yes”. He tries to ignore the pain that hunts down his leg and looks into the worried face of the driver: "Really, I'm fine."

While they’re driving through the dark night, his thoughts wander and he thinks of the past few months. The bomb that fell, the first overwhelming panic, the fear, the attempts to flee, but he was unable to get away

Buried under earth, debris and rubbish he lay there, helpless, until his consciousness left him and a merciful darkness fell on him.

Hours after the explosion, he was dug out of the wreckage and transported to England, not knowing what had happened to him. He was at death’s door for weeks. He vaguely remembered fever dreams, pain and fear, the tormentors from another world.

When he returned back to earth, and his mind was clear again, he heard the news of the armistice that was announced more than a month ago. The war was finally over and he was still alive.

He was the only one who survived that catastrophic explosion. Apparently nobody was able to identify him and so he was registered as an unknown person.

According to his doctor, he should fully recover. He had a concussion that was now nearly healed, and a nasty wound to his leg, and he had lost an awful lot of blood. He was crippled now, but that was probably a matter of time, when his leg wound would be healed completely, it was likely that he would be able to walk normally, at least that's what his doctor told him.

His recovery, which was far from complete, went well. Nevertheless, his doctor did not approve the fact that he desperately wanted to leave the hospital. He begged and pleaded, but his doctor had, in view of his health, resolutely refused to let him go.

And so he decided the day after Christmas to take his fate into his own hands He would lay himself off the hospital.

When it became clear to his doctor that he would not be stopped, the man gave his consent. Against someone as determined and stubborn as him, the doctor drew the short straw.

And now he has almost reached his goal. He sighs deeply, resisting his injured leg, and he thinks and wishes and hopes .....

He pushes a sense of disaster away. He can't endure the cruel thought of terrible things that could have happened. He closes his eyes, sighs and forces himself to stop thinking.’

Finally, they arrive and from a distance he sees the enlightened mess, full of people. He hears the sound of singing people. Slowly and stiffly he walks up to it. He is tired and can’t walk properly.

Another song is deployed and he feels his heart pounding in his chest.

There’s a long, long trail a winding,
Into the land of my dreams

The memory of that night, years ago, crosses his mind. That night he realized he didn’t or couldn’t be without her. He suddenly feels tremendously moved by this memory.

He shivers and hobbles inside, and then he sees her. Flora has her arm over her shoulder, her eyes are closed as she desperately tries to sing.

She looks heartbreakingly sad and yet so incredibly beautiful. She is the only person who he sees in the crowded tent. He moves slowly and stiffly forward. The noise in the tent swells and he doesn’t hear it. Miles jumps up, Colonel Brett calls his name, but he doesn’t notice. He has only eyes for her.

Then he stands in front of her and he says her name "Kitty, Kitty".

She opens her eyes, trembles and looks at him with despair and disbelief. He can’t hear her voice, but he sees that she whispers his name

"Thomas ..........."

And then she smiles, that beautiful smile appears through her tears. He can’t stand it anymore, he takes a step forward, puts his arms around her and kisses her. He holds her tightly and he will never, ever let go of her.

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Kitty sings with her eyes closed. She hears the buzz swelling, first whispers and then louder murmur. Then she hears a voice: "Kitty, Kitty," and suddenly she is so terribly afraid, afraid that her ears deceive her, afraid because she wants so desperately that he is here and he isn’t, he isn’t........

She opens her eyes, and there he stands, in front of her, scrawny and grey, looking completely worn out. But he smiles at her and she sees his beautiful blue eyes and that look of immense love on his face. She sobs and tries to call his name but she can only whisper:

“Thomas”

And then she smiles through her tears. She feels his firm embrace, as if he would never let go of her. He's here, he’s real, he’s alive. He kisses her, and she is overpowered by immense joy.

Together they stand there, in the crowded mess that pulsates with the sounds and cries of joy. They do not hear it. They are not aware of anything else, there’s just the two of them.

Chapter Text

Early in the morning, when Thomas had just been awake, he found Miles standing beside his bed, looking at him as if Miles wanted to convince himself that he had not dreamed last night.

Miles had been unusually severe and serious. He had told Thomas that he had given up all hope of a return of Thomas and that he didn't expect that he would ever see Thomas again.

He stated that this had been cruel and intolerable for him. It was a complete confession from Miles.

"You know, Tom, I would have taken care of her."

"And I repeat it once again, Tom, if you or Kitty ever gets in trouble, come to me and I will help you where I can."

It touched Thomas that his friend, who has always an aura of light-hearted and carelessness, that precisely this man so cared for Kitty and for him. He looked at Miles and all he could say was, "Thanks mate."

Miles replied: "But you're not rid of me yet, my friend"

Thomas laughs. "I wasn't expecting to get rid of you at all"

Then Colonel Brett enters. He looks at Thomas and Miles and says, "Oh, Captain Hesketh-Thorne, good thing I caught you. The fact is, I just spoke with Sope who had a complaint about you. Something to do with champagne, it is not clear to me..."

Miles and Thomas exchange a glance and both are attempting their best not to burst out laughing by the thought of the previous night.

Miles, who was so pleased that Thomas had returned, had walked out of the mess after greeting Thomas. Quartermaster Sope had been in his sight. An idea occurred to him, and he went back to Sope.

He persuaded Sope to give him the last champagne from the stock.

Sope had complained and protested that nothing would be left for the New Year, but Miles had laughed of Sopes' concerns.

"What's more important than my friend who has returned? Have you got an appropriate response to that?" Miles asked.

Sope had no answer and Miles said, "I suppose you're creative enough to come up with a solution for New Year" and marched with the champagne off to the mess.

And then, in the mess, Colonel Brett had been obliged to give a speech for the second time that night. Actually, he was flabbergasted. That VAD, Trevelyan with Gillan? How did that happen? He looked at the happy couple and he imagined that he had been young himself once. And the war was over. Ah, what could he care.

So he spoke: On a memorable night in the hospital. On the Strength of Youth. About the sacrifices in the war. But above all, about miraculous returns and loving couples

He took a sip from the glass of champagne that Miles offered him and his only thought was: "Champagne? Here? How is that possible?"

And now he looks at Captain Hesketh-Thorne who makes every effort to maintain his face straight. He thinks of Sope and his unsavory tradings.

Miles can hardly restrain his laughter and tries to say something serious, but Brett interrupts him and says, "Well... Obviously, Sope will come up with something."

"Try cider" says Miles, and then he goes off.

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Colonel Brett muttered a bit against Thomas. His voice sounded worried when he stated that Thomas was stubborn and irresponsible, he basically had to lie in a hospital, he should not have traveled.

Thomas had nodded and replied: Yes sir, No sir, Sorry sir, until Brett has had enough of his own grumbling and departed.

After the conversation with Colonel Brett, Thomas and Miles set off to find some bandages for Thomas's leg.

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Matron has entrusted Kitty with an easy task this morning. She needs to clean up the supply hut and make a start with packing the unnecessary stuff that will be returned.

When she is piling folded bandages into a basket, the door opens and Thomas and Miles appear.

"Oh, hello Kitty, how are you today?" Miles asks with a wide grin on his face. "You know, actually, we are here for Captain Gillan's leg dressing..."

Then, Thomas cuts him off: "Stop it Miles. Or I'll put you out "

"Oh," said Miles, "before you do that, I'll leave myself. I know when I'm superfluous. Good luck with the man, Kitty. " He grins and then he's gone.

Kitty cannot suppress a smile when she sees how Miles departs with a semi-disappointed face.

She looks at Thomas, he is looking at her and then he suddenly blushes. She walks up to him, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him.

What does it matter, after last night the whole hospital knew what is going on between them. If she is sent away, she is at most a few days earlier than planned back in England.

Thomas looks at her and smiles warmly. "Actually, I came to get this stuff to take care of my leg," he says. "But it was likely that I'd see you here."

He picks up some bandages and lingers. "At what time ends your shift today?" He asks, and adds, "Woods or beach?"

"Beach" says Kitty. "At three o'clock?".

They are startled by rattling at the door and they see the face of Miles peeping through the crack, "Alarm lovebirds, someone is entering, alarm," he whispers as if he protected a conspiracy.

"Three o'clock then" says Thomas, and he leaves the supply hut.

Kitty keeps on with her work: outwardly calm, but deep down she almost blows up with delight.

Chapter Text

Kitty is on her the way to the beach, to meet Thomas. Earlier that day they said their good-byes to Miles. And with his departure something of lightheartedness and frivolity of the morning seems to have faded out.

She thinks back to the night before. How her feelings changed from a bottomless sorrow in one moment to incredible happiness. Equally, as if she landed from hell to heaven and in a way, that's the truth, she considers

She remembers snatches of yesterdays events: Miles, who was delirious with joy, Matron who actually smiled at her, and the wacky improvised speech by Colonel Brett but actually the most pressing memory is the face of Thomas, so happy, so loving, so real.

The two of them didn't really have had time to speak to each other. After that speech and the hilarious toast with champagne, the colonel summoned Thomas to get some rest.

And so, Kitty, Flora and Rosalie went off to their tent. Flora chatted incessantly while she squeezed Kitty's arm. How awesome, amazing it was that Thomas was back, how wonderful, and she asked if Kitty wasn't terribly happy, until Rosalie had interrupted her and said that Kitty was obviously delighted and happy, but that Flora now had to leave her alone.

Kitty smiled and gave both Rosalie and Flora a kiss on their cheeks. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?" Flora asked, surprised.

"For supporting me, for being my friend." Kitty said softly.

Flora was suddenly unusually quiet. Rosalie only smiled sweetly. And after a while, when they were all three already in bed, Flora sighed: "I am so awfully happy for you, Kitty."

Kitty smiles when she thinks back at Flora. She was sweet, and so was Rosalie. She is going to miss both of them, since the coming week the three of them will return to England and split up. But they'll still be friends, Kitty supposes

That evening, Kitty fell asleep, imagining Thomas's face and remembering his firm embrace. For the first time in weeks she slept peacefully through the night.

As she passes the dunes she sees that Thomas is already on the beach. Hope is in the air as she walks up to him, they look at each other as if they want to freeze this moment. And then he hugs her, she kisses him, he kisses her and Kitty thinks: "He's returned and what a marvel that this truly came about".

After a while they're walking along the beach. It is very foggy and cold. The sea is through the mist almost invisible, the sound of the surf crepes. Slowly they walk there in that little gray world.

Kitty asks: "What has actually happened to you?"

Thomas tells her that he was stationed in Flanders, near Ypres. There was at that time an ongoing offensive to drive the Germans back.

"It was a terrible place to be. In that city, not one house was standing anymore, there were no trees left, everything was destroyed, there was only ruined and rubble" states Thomas. "And those soldiers, all day long in the mud. It rained and rained for days, there were huge craters in where those men with their luggage simply drowned. It was terrifying." He pauses and thinks back to the horrors he visited. He thinks how strange it is that he even talks to someone about that. The men he could not save. The endless stream of wounded men under the most appalling conditions.

He believes that he never could tell this to someone else He wouldn't be able too.

Only to her, he suddenly realizes. He is hit by that thought. He stops, looks at her and says, "I love you so much".

Kitty looks at him, surprised, while he continues: "I couldn't talk about these things to anyone, I guess. Only to you." He trails off and sights.

Kitty caresses his cheek, holding her hand to his face. For a minute they stand still and look into each other's eyes, both of them moved and looking to comfort each other.

Then, Thomas continues his story. At a farm, near the front, was a Belgian Casualty Clearing Station where he was temporarily employed. One day, a bomb exploded and swept everything away. Thomas remembers that he was stuck and desperately tried to get away, but he didn't succeed. Then he lost his consciousness.

He was excavated and transported to a hospital in England. His identity tag was apparently lost, nobody knew who he was and so he was registered as an unknown.

In England, he slowly recovered awareness. He was very sick, remembing now only the terrible fever dreams. He was in a twilight state for weeks.

The war was over and he realized that fact, just the week before Christmas.

He had sent his parents a message that he was still alive. And he rushed to see Kitty.

"Then, here I am", he states.

"It must have been awful" Kitty says.

"Well, yes it was. Unspeakable". He pauses and his face contorts.

"But you're here. You survived it. And you're back." Kitty states.

"What did you think" asks Thomas.

"I had given up hope on you" says Kitty.

"It took so long. I heard nothing. Nobody knew where you were, whether you were alive or not. I could not stand the idea that you would be dead, but I came to the conclusion that you didn't survive".

She shudders at the thought of it, when she thinks back on the past few weeks when she was so scared and sad. The joy of life that seemed to have disappeared. Everything was dark, gray and sad. The desperation when she considers of a future without Thomas.

"I felt so hopeless. I honestly didn't even know what to do. It seemed to me that everyone I've loved in my life disappeared, first Sylvie and then you."

She tells about the nocturnal conversation with Matron, the calmness which then took possession of her after that conversation. "What ultimately comforted me was the fact that I've got to know you and had loved you. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me in my entire life"

He looks at her while she talks, the words passed on her mouth so easily, only the expression on her face reflects her sadness of the past few months.

She sobs and then he takes her hands, and says: "Shh sweetheart, I'm here, I'm still alive. I came back. Everything will be just fine."

He continues and says: "I know it was hard for you. I wish it had been different".

And then, as if he is looking for the words, slowly but determined, he says: "Marry me Kitty. We cannot live without each other, I cannot do without you. I would not be without you. Let's be happy together."

Kitty looks at him while he utters with a wondering look. His voice sounds comforting, reassuring, loving.

And there is only one appropriate response to his request.

And so she says: "Yes. Yes, I will marry you".

Both of them know that this is the inevitable achievement: a future together, a lifetime to love each other and to care for each other.

And there they stand, their hands clamped together, smiling at each other, feeling incredibly happy and blessed.