Chapter Text
The days are as dark as the nights for Aureliano. So much has changed, and for the worse. Life went from being somewhat predictable, pleasant even… to a total cluster fuck.
So much violence. So much death. And now he’s fucking alone. Alone except for Alberto who…
No. He pushes the thought away.
Aureliano’s sadness hides poorly, written all over his face like an unauthorized biography.
Livia stares at him from her place on the gray sofa. She shakes her head.
“What’s your problem, Aurelià? Don’t you know he loves you?”
Her long, blond hair flows like a golden waterfall down her back. It sways in her ponytail as she speaks, her deep voice resounding in her chest.
“You’ve always been a little sensitive, brother. Stubborn in the worst moments. Way too worried about what other people thought when you shouldn’t have been. You drove me and Dad crazy, you know that?! You’re a breathing oxymoron.”
The sun has long since gone, swallowed up by the dusky shade of eventide. Lamplight filters in through the cheap curtain hanging in the window, leaving the room bathed in a blue glow.
Aureliano scoffs. The raw pain of truth slowly tenses his bearded jaw.
“Livia… “
His sister knows him better than anyone. She’s not lying. She’s never been more right. He just hates to admit it.
Aureliano has been dense. He has been a dick. And above all he has been concerned that acknowledging his feelings will reveal him to be the “fag” of Ostia. That much his bruised ego will allow him to admit.
Aureliano used to think about Spadino and it would make his blood boil. That fucking gypsy, he’d think. A filthy gypsy and a faggot of all things!
Now? Jesus Christ. He doesn’t know what the fuck is happening to him. Joy is the last emotion he thought he’d be calling upon, sitting here in an abandoned hotel in the middle of the night. But thinking about Spadino… Alberto makes him happy. Goddamn him, but he makes him happy. There’s no two ways about it. And that’s sad. Sad and fucking tragic because Aureliano fucked it up. Big time.
“I think it’s too late, Liv.”
Who knows if he’ll still be able to salvage any of this?! Spadino, for Aureliano, is and always will be a sucker punch to the gut. Mixed emotions doesn’t begin to cover it.
He grins despite himself. Despite the self-hatred consuming him.
That little gypsy has stolen his fucking heart.
“Please. It’s only too late when you’re dead.” She clucks her tongue, an index finger at her temple.
Aureliano sighs, exhaling deeply. “He told me he loved me, Livia. And I shit on that. I was the one who let him go. I… I wasn’t exactly nice when I rejected him. What does he do? He stands by me anyway. Fuck. I’m such an asshole.”
Livia tucks her legs under her, the crimson stain on her shirt a deep mauve. It’s a stark contrast with the fabric’s pale blue, appearing nearly black in the dimness.
“That was months ago. And knowing how much he cares for you, he’d forgive you in a second. Here you are, pining after him Aurelià. Like a sick puppy. You’ve changed your mind and you don’t have the courage to tell him. If Samurai hadn’t shot me I’d kick your ass for being so oblivious. You’re still in time to get him back. He’ll never stop loving you. And you both deserve happiness after everything that’s happened.”
Nadia’s steps clatter on the cracked floors. Everything else is fairly quiet, like the soft murmur of Aureliano’s heart. Only the faucet disrupts the peace. It bleeds water like an artery spurting blood.
He must get that fixed. Eventually.
“Who were you talking to?” Nadia asks, hands stuffed into her jacket pockets. She falls back into the sofa with a soft plunge, legs spread like a man’s when she plops down into the cushions.
The image of Livia fades into her.
Aureliano shakes his head, removing cobwebs from his brain. “No one. No one. Just thinking out loud.”
Her hoop earrings shimmer in the low light. “About what? Spadino?”
Aureliano lifts his head, pinning her with a feral look. “Why would you say that? Why would you mention Spadino?!”
She sits up, hands falling between her bony knees. “Because I’ve seen how you two look at each other. You’re in love with him. And he’s in love with you. And you’re two stupid boys… two stubborn idiots who don’t have the balls to tell each other. Do you know what this means, Aureliano? What it means to have someone like him? I’d kill for someone like him.”
Cobalt orbs slice through her. “Maybe I’ve been that for you? No?”
She nods. “A little. Without a doubt I can’t say I’m not grateful for your help. But it’s not the same. Jesus… you’ve got someone who loves you through thick and thin. You pick up a phone and in record time he’s on your doorstep. You’ve risked your lives for each other. That kind of devotion only comes from love, Aurelià.”
A flush rises in his cheeks. The idea starts a buzzing in his mind. “I don’t think that means anything.”
Her booming voice shatters the calm. “That means everything! Don’t you realize that?!”
He’s not unperturbed by her astute gaze.
“I guess.”
“What are you afraid of, Aurelià?! That someone will think you’re a fag? Because no one does. Mostly because no one cares. Who’s left to judge you? Your father’s dead. Your girlfriend’s dead. Shit, your sister’s dead. Lele is dead. I sure don’t care who you love or fuck. Who else is there?! Sorry to be a bitch but the hard truth is, you’re all alone, Aurelià. That gypsy is the one person in your life who, no matter what, has stood by you. Even when you broke his fucking heart. Do you realize that?!”
The words sting. His liquid eyes turn away. “I know. I know.”
“So tell him.”
Nadia slouches into the corner of the couch. She briefly closes her eyes.
“What if… what if he doesn’t love me back?” Aureliano’s voice thickens in his throat.
“Please… don’t insult my intelligence. He loves you. He’s never stopped.”
His vision is gloomily painted with dark memories. “I’m tired of living among ghosts, Nadia.”
“Then stop,” she says, hand against her forehead. “Call him. Tell him. Let him you love him, Aurelià. Before it’s too late.”
*
This place is a tomb, Aureliano thinks.
Dusty. Forgotten. Disused. Empty.
Kind of like his heart.
The only sound echoing in the hotel is that goddamn faucet dripping into the sink. He’ll have to get around to fixing it. Eventually.
There are more important things on his mind right now than plumbing.
“What happened, Aurelià?”
Alberto’s gait is so light he doesn’t even hear him come in. Aureliano left the door unlocked, texted Spadino to come over. And of course he did. He always does. He always will.
Aureliano half-turns, a crease splitting his otherwise smooth forehead. His chest tightens as soon as Alberto smiles at him.
“Nothing. I mean… I’ve just been thinking. I wanted… I need to talk to you.”
Spadino comes up behind him. Within touching distance. Aureliano swallows hard.
“Where’s Nadia?”
“I sent her away for tonight. I wanted to be alone.”
Spadino’s adoring gaze drops from Aureliano’s eyes to his full mouth. Then to the wings tattooed on his neck.
Aureliano licks his lips.
“Okay. Then why d’you call me?” A smirk plays in the corners of his mouth.
That fucking smirk.
“No. You don’t get it. I wanted to be alone… with you.”
Spadino’s heart bounds into his throat. “Oh. Okay. Well, I’m here. What’s up, Aurelià?”
It’s a poor attempt at nonchalance.
Aureliano cocks his head to one side. “I know, Spadì. You’re always here for me. You’ve always been here,” he says more for himself.
“What the fuck are you on about? You okay?”
Aureliano shakes his head regretfully. His words grow legs and then freeze.
Alberto’s dark eyebrows knit. “Aurelià? Talk to me.”
He’s never seen him like this. So pensive. Almost afraid. Spadino’s tempted to reach for him, touch him in comfort. But he hesitates. Invading Aureliano’s space now might provoke an angry reaction from him. Spadino knows what that means, and he doesn’t want to be hurt like that again.
Aureliano draws a frustrated breath. “No. I’m not okay. Not really. But I will be. Listen, there’s something I need to say, okay?”
“Sure. I’m listening.” A panicked expression flitters across his tiny face.
“Listen, Spadì… “ Oxygen flees his brain. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
Concern mars Spadino’s features. “For what?”
Aureliano searches for the words through a panicked fog. His breath nearly stalls. “For… everything. I haven’t been the best friend to you. Like, not at all. Truth is, a few months back… “
Spadino’s tongue darts from his mouth. Suddenly he’s feeling parched. “Listen, Aurelià… if you’re talking about that time in the parking lot… I mean…. “
“Let me finish.” Aureliano blinks back tears. “I was an asshole. A fucking asshole. I rejected you and basically called you a faggot and… I broke your fucking heart.”
His blood… his body heat… it all pools in Spadino’s feet. He suddenly sways, light-headed. Is Aureliano saying what he thinks he’s-???
“Aureli-“
“Lemme finish, Spadì. I fucking broke your heart and yet you stood by me. You’re still by my side. I texted you tonight, and you came. At three in the morning.”
Alberto wraps his arms around himself. He’s unsure if the tendril of panic seizing his chest is due to fear or hope.
Aureliano blinks repeatedly, a burning spreading from his stomach out to his extremities.
“I’m sorry, Spadì. I’m sorry to have hurt you so much, especially since… “
Oh god, he thinks. “Since?”
This is the moment. Aureliano is done hiding. He fixes the hem of his shirt, pulling on it nervously. If he doesn’t spit this out now, he never will.
“Especially since all I’ve thought about lately is you.”
There it is. The truth. It’s too late now to take it back.
Alberto’s mouth drops open. Aureliano studies his face, his large blue eyes vivid with questions.
Alberto’s heart is full of answers.
“I’ve got no one, Spadì. I’m all alone. You’ve been the only constant in my life and I was such a fucking coward and an asshole, I didn’t see it. I didn’t see what you meant for me until it was too late.”
Spadino looks up at Aureliano from under thick lashes. He wants to play it cool, but he’s not fooling anyone. The shakiness to his speech gives him away.
“It’s fine. I’m over it.”
Aureliano advances one step. He’s nearly chest to chest with him. “Are you? Because I’m not.”
What?! Alberto’s heart lurches madly.
“I’m not over it, Spadì. I’m not over hurting you. I’m not over losing fucking everyone and everything good in my life except for you. I can’t lose you, too. I’m begging your forgiveness.”
Spadino chokes back a sob. “I forgive you,” he barely manages.
“Are you sure? Are you sure I haven’t fucked it all up?” Aureliano wants nothing more than to grab him. Kiss him. Hold him in his arms and never fucking let him go.
But he waits. He wants Alberto to give him a sign.
“Do you love me?” Spadino breathes.
Aureliano blinks. His glossy eyes search the darkness in Spadino’s gaze.
Behind the bar, the faucet drips. Slow and relentless. He’ll have to get that fixed. Eventually.
Spadino closes the space between them, impelled involuntarily by his own passion.
“Do you love me, Aurelià?”
The words hang from Spadino’s lips like red silk lanterns, a succession of five delicate and beautiful creations born of one deep sentiment.
Do.
you.
love.
me.
Aurelià?
Warmth spreads across Aureliano’s chest. Thinking about it… about loving Spadino… it gives him sharp palpitations.
Alberto draws even closer. His hand hovers, quivering, above the rich outline of Aureliano’s shoulder. He leans forward as if to touch it but then hesitates.
Aureliano takes deep, savoring breaths. The corners of his mouth curl.
“It’s a simple question, Aurè.”
Spadino allows his hand to cup the curve of Aureliano’s bicep.
He extends his hand. Fingertips skim Spadino’s jawline and Alberto leans into the touch.
His heart swells. He’s dreamed of this. Spent sleepless nights wondering what this would be like.
“I’m afraid to, Spadì.”
“Why?” Alberto murmurs back, his other arm wrapping around Aureliano’s strong neck.
“Because everyone I’ve ever loved is dead. I’m afraid if I admit I love you, you’ll die too. And there’s no coming back from that for me. You die, I die. That’s it. You changed my life, Spadì, and now I don’t know what living is without you.”
His voice drops a fraction lower. A thumb strokes the apple of Aureliano’s silky cheek.
“We’ve been through hell together, Aurè, but we’re still here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Not for now, but who knows-“
“Shh… Aureliano. I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.”
Aureliano cups Spadino’s face, his palms burning into his tingling skin.
“Do you love me, Aurelià?” he begs again.
Aureliano moves his head slightly. It resembles a nod.
“Every person I’ve been inside since that day at the lot… every single one… they all had your face, Spadì.”
Alberto takes deep breaths until he’s strong enough to raise his mouth to his.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
He smirks, and Aureliano’s knees give.
Aureliano tips his face and grins widely. “Yes, Spadì. I fucking love you.”
Spadino feels his resistance weakening as he moves his hands slowly from Aureliano’s shoulders towards his chest.
Eyes alive with hope, any tension gone from his face… Alberto angles up.
“I never stopped loving you, Aurelià. It’s always and only been you.”
*
Spadino’s head fits perfectly in the hollow between Aureliano’s shoulder and neck. His scarlet cheek rests against one of the wings.
“I’ve never felt like this, Aurelià. So at peace.” The rise and fall of Aureliano’s chest settles Alberto’s pulse.
Neither would want to be anywhere else.
Aureliano cards fingers through his love’s messy mohawk. He kisses the top of his head, pressing his swollen lips into his scalp.
“I can’t imagine you without this stupid haircut, Albè. You know that?” He tousles it further with a ruffle.
Spadino belly laughs, his index finger circling lazily on Aureliano’s hip. Their cocks lay spent against their thighs, still pink from exertion.
“It’s kind of my trademark now, I guess.”
Alberto pecks him on his breast, the flush slowly fading from their satisfied bodies.
“It is.”
Aureliano stares into nothing. Thoughts zig zag in his mind like fireflies. Everything escalated so quickly… but this is all he needs. All he ever desired.
He inhales deeply.
He says it before he can talk himself out of it.
“Move in with me, Albè. I’ll find us a place. Someplace untarnished. That can be ours and ours alone.”
Alberto shoots up, resting on his elbow. He places his flattened palm over Aureliano’s thrumming heart.
“Aurè… “ It’s almost a groan.
“Is it that crazy an idea?”
It's not.
Alberto is beaming, his mouth covering Aureliano’s hungrily. The tip of his tongue slips between his plush lips. Probing.
When they break after an achingly sweet exploration of their mouths, Spadino speaks.
“I’d love that. You know I would. And I’ll stay with you as much as I can. But I have to be present at the villa, too. I’m the boss now. And Angelica… the baby. I can’t move out altogether is what I’m saying.”
Aureliano knows. He understands.
His mouth swoops down to steal another kiss. Alberto moans into him, so softly it’s almost a purr.
Jesus you’re beautiful, Spadì.
“I know, Albè. I know. I’ll take what I can get. I’m greedy for you. Now that I’ve got you I just don’t wanna let you go. But I get it.”
Alberto lets his head fall back against Aureliano’s arm.
He gazes up lovingly into Aureliano’s round sea eyes, like two pools of appeal.
“I’ll always be with you, Aurelià. You don’t have to let me go.”
“I love you, Albè. Whether we live together or not. You’re my light.”
Regarding him with such affection, Alberto suddenly realizes something. His hands stray to his own neck, pulling off one of his gold chains. The pendant glistens for a moment against the growing dawn filtering through the window.
“What’s this?”
Spadino places it over Aureliano’s head gingerly, adjusting it so it hangs above Aureliano’s heart.
“This is my favorite necklace. My father gave it to me. I want you to have it. So you’ll always have me near
even if I’m not with you. I’ll always be close to your heart. Wear it for me, please?”
Aureliano reaches for it, clutching it.
“Albè… I don’t know what to say.” He fingers its angles. The metal is warm to the touch. Somewhere inside him a floodgate opens.
It's done. He's completely gone for him.
“You’re my every second heartbeat, Alberto. This will only be an even more beautiful reminder.”
Spadino puts his hand under his chin, forcing his face to his.
“I love you. Wear it and think of me. Think of me in the moments I have to be there playing the part. Remember I’ll come back to you. I’ll always come back to you, Aurelià. You're never alone.”
Aureliano sucks air between his teeth. He gathers Alberto tightly against his body. A single tear collects in the corner of his eye.
“I will, Albè. I will.”
He can feel his uneven breathing against his cheek. It makes him want to cling to him even more desperately. Protect him.
“We should try to sleep some,” Aureliano whispers, swallowing down his emotions like a thick syrup.
Spadino nods against him, lids fluttering. “Yeah. We should sleep. No sense in chasing the dawn away.”
Aureliano inches up the sheet, the blanket following. He summons up a deep breath, Alberto snuggling into his heat.
The faucet drips from afar. The bursting drops a faint splash in his ears.
He’ll have to get around to fixing it. Eventually. But right now sleep beckons.
He'll finally be able to rest for the first time in months.