Archive of Our Own

“Just around the block, please,” the man rasped.

Steve nodded, starting to pull away from the curb when the man shifted and pulled a carseat in after him. Bundled in enough blankets that Steve wasn’t entirely sure if there was a child in there. The man fastened it in and closed the door, rocking the seat a little bit. Dressed in a rumpled hoodie and ratty jeans, the guy looked like he hadn’t slept in a few months.

Steve started up, pulling carefully into traffic. It was pretty late and he’d started a few hours later than he’d intended. But Jaime had needed the prints by four PM and, while his dream job certainly didn’t pay enough to live on, he wanted to keep it. So, he’d come home, taken a quick forty-five-minute nap, showered and got back out there. This guy was his first call of the day.

Steve had thought it a bit strange because he didn’t usually get riders in the ritzy part of town. Most of the fat cats could afford to pay for a driver or a cab or they had a driver on payroll. This guy didn’t look like he had several millions to his name but that was the look these days, from what Clint told Steve. The richest people dressed like they went shopping every decade.

The man muttered something to himself and a quiet warbling started. Cursing, he shushed the bundle of cotton, singing quietly. He had a nice voice, Steve noted. Not too showy but he could carry a tune. He was handsome, in his late thirties. Fatigue aside, he was attractive. Steve wondered where the mother was. Maybe this guy took the kid to give her a break.

“New dad?” he asked, slowing for the traffic. There wasn’t a lot in this neighborhood this late at night.

“Yeah, well, no. The baby’s not new but I’m new to this.” He rubbed at his eyes.

“Adopted?”

The corner of the guy’s lips turned up and Steve’s gaze cut away from his rear-view mirror. “No, he’s definitely mine. I didn’t know about him until a few weeks ago.”

“Oh,” Steve replied, face warming. He hadn’t meant to step into something too private.

“I was out for a few months when he was born.” He broke off for a moment. “Detained, for a while. When I got back, I wasn’t in a good place. She didn’t tell me. Decided to raise the kid on her own and she did a kick ass job of it for about six months. Then she got sick.” He rocked the carrier some, his voice quieting. “What she thought was a milk duct wasn’t a milk duct and by then, it was more advanced than any city clinic knew how to handle. If I’d known, well… I didn’t and, why am I telling you this? Probably because I need someone to talk to that doesn’t spend most of their time screaming at me or peeing on me, sometimes both at the same time.”

Steve softened, hiding a smile. “It’s fine.”

“It is? Careful what you agree to because I’ve gotten pretty damn good at oversharing. Like freakishly good. My dry cleaner guy got an earful the other day.” He wiped at his face again, “But it’s good to be good at something, you know? These days, I can’t do anything right.”

He took a deep breath, and another, falling back in the seat quiet for a moment. Then, “She died. Her sister couldn’t take care of the kid, not on her salary. So, she reached out to me which was the one thing Mary told her not to do. And I get why, I’m not exactly father material. And I would’ve given the kid up because, I’m just gonna screw him up.”

Steve came to a stop and he looked up, heart skipping a beat when their eyes met. “But he’s a person now, you know? I know things about him. I know what his different cries mean and what makes him laugh.” He picked up the corner of the blue blanket, “I know that he can sleep just about anywhere but he has to have this blanket with him. He has my eyes and my stupid nose. God help him if he has my mouth. If I passed this kid on the street, I’d know him. I can’t just give him up.

“So, I’m doing my best and I haven’t slept since I don’t know when. I would’ve driven him around the block myself but I don’t think I could tell the difference between the gas and the brake pedal right now.” He sighed, his voice so soft Steve nearly missed his next words. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know how much more I can take. Maybe I’m not really cut out for this.”

Steve sped up, his voice soft. “I don’t mind driving you.”

The guy was silent, breathing slowly. Steve glanced at him in the mirror and watched him sleep for a second. By the looks of it, he needed a few minutes. Steve drove for a while, around the block a few times and then making a wider loop. It was almost nice – quietly driving with someone else in the car. Most of his passengers spent time on their phones or didn’t seem inclined to talk to him. By the sounds of it, this guy just needed someone to talk to.

About half an hour later, the guy woke up and cursed. Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes and checked on his son.

“I haven’t heard a peep.”

The guy met his gaze in the mirror, a soft smile on his face. Steve ignored the butterflies in his stomach and focused on the road. “He’s a good one.” He laughed, adding, “It’s the blanket.”

Steve came to the place where he’d picked them up and slowed. “You can let us out here,” the guy said, unfastening the carrier and picking the baby up.

He was fast asleep, his face lax, cheeks plump and full where one pressed against the man’s shoulder. He was a cute kid, Steve had to admit. The guy made sure he’d paid Steve, bid him goodnight and climbed out of the car.

||

Steve didn’t find the blanket until the next morning.

When he was rushing around trying to get to work on time. He tossed his portfolio in the backseat and stopped to check when it didn’t make its usual quiet thud. Upon finding the soft cotton blanket in his backseat, everything came flooding back. The handsome new father who was in way over his head. All the baggage that had come with that adorable little bundle and everything he’d told Steve about the magic of the blanket.

Steve caught sight of the clock again and cursed, covering his face. He needed to be at work ten minutes ago but this guy could use a lot more than the half hour of sleep he’d managed to knock out in the back of Steve’s Mazda. And he was already late.

He scrolled through his phone, trying to find the pick-up spot from last night. Unfortunately, that wasn’t near any discernible apartment building. Everything there was commercial so the guy must’ve walked for a while to meet Steve. There was a phone number but it didn’t pick up the four times Steve called it. He checked his log and no one had tried to reach him.

It all seemed rather hopeless and Steve had been driving for about two hours when his phone rang. Without checking the caller id, Steve picked up. It was the first time he’d been relieved to hear a crying baby.

“Hey, hey, is this the cute blond guy that picked me up last night?”

Steve’s face warmed as he came to a stop by the side of the road. He ducked his head, pressing the phone to his ear. “Yeah, hi. Sorry for all the calls, but I’ve been trying to reach you—”

“You’re very cute and you actually found me attractive despite the fact that I could barely string sentences together and I was covered in baby drool, so bonus points for that –”

“Because I found your baby’s blanket—”

“I would’ve answered sooner but I’ve been running around my apartment all day trying to find – oh, hey, you found it?” he exclaimed, his voice warming with relief. “Oh, oh, that’s why you called. Thank god. I thought for sure I’d lost it somewhere on the walk home and it was long gone by now. He can’t sleep without the damn thing and he’s already a master at giving me the puppy dog eyes.”

Steve laughed, scratching at his brow. “Yeah, I found it this morning. I didn’t even realize you’d lost it and I tried going back to where I picked you up but—”

“I don’t live there,” the guy finished with a laugh.

“You don’t live there,” Steve repeated. “So, where can I pick you up?”

“I can meet you there, if you’d like? I live a few blocks from there.”

Steve frowned, “The neighborhood is all office buildings?”

“Yeah, but when you’re the boss, you can shorten your commute considerably by just moving into the top floor,” he added smugly. “I can meet you at the same place from last night or you can come to the front door. Whatever’s easiest for you. Honestly, I must be the rider from hell.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Just tell me where to meet you,” Steve insisted. He certainly didn’t want to make the guy walk with a crying baby.

When Steve arrived at the address, the guy came rushing out, bundle of unhappy baby in hand. Steve put on his flashers and got out. He’d just pocketed his keys when the noticed the name on the building.

The guy took the blanket with a grateful look, bouncing the baby in his arms. This morning, he was dressed head to toe in a grey, three-piece suit. Even so, he looked right at home with his son. “You are a lifesaver! Honestly, my knight in shining armor.” He bounced his son some, wrapping him in the blanket. “There you go, you little gremlin. Come on, daddy’s gotta go to work.”

The baby cried for a while longer, his face scrunched up and beet red. Steve’s insides twisted, wondering if something more was wrong with him but the guy took everything in stride. He held the baby close, soothing him over time, whispering softly to him as his eyes started to close. Steve tried his hardest not to look as though he was staring but the longer he watched them, the more he found himself enamored with this man.

This man that had converted the top floors of Stark Tower into a home. And referred to himself as the boss.

Holy shit, Steve had driven Tony Stark in his car!

Swallowing, he tried to focus as Tony turned to him. As he spoke, he ran his hand over his son’s back. “I can’t thank you enough. I was so exhausted last night that I think I tipped you $100 but honestly, I’ll double it. You didn’t have to give a shit about me or my little monster but you did.” He offered a grateful smile. “And I thought you were trying to hit on me which, in retrospect, was crazy. I mean, I barely knew my name last night and I gave you way too much information about…” he gestured to the baby and himself, “all of this.” He laughed nervously, stepping back. “So, I’ll just say ‘thank you’ again and get out of your hair. You’re a great guy.”

He bid Steve farewell and started to head back towards the front door. Steve turned to get back in his car. He isn’t sure what stopped him; the day he’d just had, the pissed off email that was probably waiting in his inbox, the strange feeling in his chest at Tony’s gratitude. In all honestly, it was all of those things and the honesty in Tony’s voice when he confessed that he didn’t know how long he could do this.

Tony was a good guy; he just didn’t know it.

Steve pocketed his keys and called out, “Hey!” Tony stopped, turning back. “If this all ever… slows down a bit, will you give me a call?”

Tony blinked at him for a moment. “You really mean that?” Steve nodded and Tony flashed a charming smile that both warmed Steve from head to toe and confirmed he very much had no idea what he was in for. “Alright, handsome.”

He came closer to Steve, and held out his hand. “Gimme your phone.” Steve complied, proud that his nerves didn’t get the best of him and he didn’t drop it. “Tell you the truth, I don’t see this slowing down anytime soon but, if you’re still interested, you have my number.”

He handed Steve his phone back with a wink. Then he started back towards the tower, murmuring to the sleeping bundle in his arms. “What do you know, kiddo? You’re a total babe magnet.”

A first date 

Steve was more than a little nervous.

For one, Tony had postponed this twice already and Steve was starting to wonder if this was his way of backing out of their date. Steve could understand: Tony was a busy man. Not just with his multi-billion-dollar company but with being a single father, as well. And it wasn’t exactly like Steve was a total catch. He lived hand to mouth most of the time and he certainly wasn’t the poised socialite from old money that Tony was usually seen with in the papers.

To tell the truth, Steve was more than surprised Tony had called him in the first place. It had been four months since the snafu with the blanket. One day, Steve woke up to his phone ringing and Tony was on the other end asking if Steve still remembered him and if he was still “crazy enough to go out with him”. Of course, Steve said ‘yes’.

Now, he was pacing in the lobby of his apartment building and trying not to psyche himself out. It had been over a year since Steve had been on a date. A year since Sharon broke of their engagement. Since she’d moved to DC to work at Quantico. Since the pregnancy scare Steve had never quite recovered from.

He’d wanted kids. She didn’t.

Now, they were miles away from each other and Steve was only now getting to a place where he thought he might stand a chance of being happy with someone else. If Sam could see him now.

A silver Audi drove up and Tony got out, hurrying to the front door. Steve smiled, a nervous fluttering in his stomach as he met Tony at the entrance.

“Sorry, I’m late. Kate showed up, that babysitter you recommended? She was early, which I love but I went overboard explaining the night night routine and by the time she rushed me out of there, I was already late.” He ran a hand over his head with a bashful smile.

Steve followed most of it. Blinking rather dumbly at him as he replied, “Hi.”

Tony blinked at him in response, a beautiful smile spreading across his face. Steve warmed, relaxing in an instant. “Hi,” Tony breathed, his eyes bright and near impossible to look at. “How do I look?”

Dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a black blazer, he was gorgeous and expensive and way out of Steve’s league. Tongue tied for a moment, Steve fought for the words. “You look amazing.”

“Oh, is that all?” Tony asked teasingly, smile widening at Steve’s eyeroll. “You look great,” he added. “I kinda think you could make anything look good. You could be standing here in sweats and I’d still feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”

Steve smiled despite himself, gesturing to the car. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” Tony opened the passenger door for him and went around to the driver’s seat. As he started the ignition, he asked, “Is it weird for me to be driving you?”

“No, no, it’s actually nice to be driven around for once.”

“Yeah?” Tony asked, revving the engine.

The vibration coursed through the seats and Steve’s body, the power as exciting as it was slightly worrying. It was still rather early for the city and the streets wouldn’t be empty. He’d let Tony make all the arrangements tonight so, he wasn’t sure exactly where they were headed. Still, Tony was a responsible father, he would be a safe driver, right?

He revved the engine once more, putting the car in drive. “I think I actually said the words ‘night night routine’ earlier, forgive me,” he muttered, pulling away from the curb.

Steve held onto the door with a vice grip as they shot onto the roadway.

“You okay?” Tony asked as the valet driver handed him a ticket.

Steve nodded, heart in his throat. Tony had gotten them here in one piece but there had been quite a few close calls. Tony drove like he assumed everyone would just get out of his way. He had control and his car moved like a dream, but in a city where you were as likely to find a bike messenger, a pedestrian and a city bus cutting in front of you, it wasn’t the best technique. Steve had spent the whole ride trying to follow Tony’s small talk and praying to every god he’d ever heard of that the Corvette beside them didn’t decide to challenge Tony’s speed.

Still, they’d gotten here safely and Steve’s nerves were already on end. He didn’t have it in him to fret about the very, very expensive restaurant Tony had brought him to. The hostess showed them to the balcony. Thankfully, it wasn’t a private thing: there were other couples there.

Tony pulled out his chair and sat down across from him with a kind smile. “It was the driving, right?”

Steve shook his head, “No, it was fine—”

“I drive too fast. I know that. I can get kinda impatient and it’s hard for me to remember that other people put their lives in my hands and I could stand to drive a little slower.” Steve stifled a laugh, averting his gaze. “I’m sorry. I’ll be better on the way back.”

“It’s fine. We got here, didn’t we?” Steve asked, looking up. Tony bit his lip, nodding. “Okay. Now, what’s good here? I’ve never been here before.”

Tony reached out and took the menu from him, sliding both of them into a stack. “You know those assholes that order something not on the menu?” Steve nodded. “We’re going to be those assholes, tonight. But’s it’s totally okay because I know the chef.”

A waitress came over and brought them warm bread. “Mr. Stark, good to see you. It’s been a while.”

“I know. These days, I can’t go anywhere without my shadow.”

“How is the little guy?” she asked with a smile.

“Driving me crazy.” He rested his cheek in hand. “He better be asleep right now.”

“Twenty bucks says he’s not.”

“I’ll take that action,” Tony replied with a grin.

“The usual?” she asked and Tony nodded. She stepped away and he returned to Steve.

“So, tell me about you. Where’d you grow up?”

Dinner passed in a haze.

It was one thing watching Tony with other people. He was charming and personable, always ready with a witty anecdote. Being on a date with him, Steve could barely answer in complete sentences. Having all of that raw energy and focus on himself, even just for a moment left Steve lost for words. Having all of that focus for an hour and a half was more than he knew what to do with.

He found himself telling Tony things he’d never told anyone, not even Sharon. Things about his mother, about his childhood, about what it was like growing up poor in the “city where dreams are made of”. His hopes and dreams; what got him interested in graphic art design in the first place. How his father had never encouraged him.

He’d even come close to telling Tony about what it had been like growing up with Joseph Rogers before he cut himself off. Tony started to ask when his phone rang. He excused himself and Steve thought nothing of it. Sure it was a work call or maybe Kate checking in. When Tony didn’t return, Steve got up and went to go find him.

Maybe he’d shared too much. Maybe he’d told just enough about his life for Tony to realize he wasn’t as interesting as Tony had initially thought. Maybe he’d said just enough that Tony realized a veteran with PTSD wasn’t the kind of man he wanted around his kid.

Steve’s stomach twisted, hands clenching into nervous fists as he moved through the restaurant towards the back. In the hall leading to the kitchen and the restrooms, Tony was curled over in a corner. Singing.

“Although we’re apart, you’re a part of my heart. But tonight, you belong to me.”

Steve hid a smile, warming all over as he leaned against the wall as the rest of the restaurant faded into nothing. Tony had a nice voice; the kind that was made to be on a stage. He never missed a word or stumbled over the melody. Clearly, this was part of the night night routine.

“Way down, way down, along the stream. How very, very sweet it would seem, once more, just to dream in the silvery moonlight. My honey I know, I know with the dawn, that you will be gone.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled in a smile, his voice softening. “But tonight you belong to me. Just little old me.” A pause, the sounds of the restaurant invading once more. Tony stood up straighter as he asked, “Is he asleep? Okay, great. Great. Thanks, Kate.”

He hung up, spun around to find Steve watching him. Wincing, he covered his face, “How much of that did you hear?”

Steve laughed, shaking a hand. “Just about all of it.”

Tony nodded. “Of course.”

“You’ve got a great voice.” Tony shook his head, sparing him a disparaging look. “Really, I wouldn’t lie.”

“Yeah well, nothing sexier than hiding out by the bathrooms singing lullabies to a baby.” Steve’s smile widened as he moved in closer. Tony flashed him a bashful grin. “Sorry, I saw the missed call and I thought it would only take a minute. He’s a demanding little thing.”

Steve held his gaze, taking his hand. “Is he?”

Tony’s eyes widened, words coming out in a rush, “Yeah, he gets that from me, I’m afraid.” Long, dark lashes fluttered, falling to a close as he whispered, “You have a lot to look forward to.”

Their lips touched, softly at first as Steve touched his waist and pulled him closer.

When Steve told this story later, it was embellished. Their first kiss was on the empty, candlelit terrace and not by the swinging doors to the kitchen with chefs calling out orders. Not by the bathrooms where patrons awkwardly stumbled past them. Steve certainly didn’t push Tony into the wall and step on the toe of his shoe. Tony certainly didn’t laugh and pull away with a gleeful smile.

When Steve told this story later, the kiss was perfect. At least that part was honest.

A night of firsts

Tonight was the night.

Tony had spent an embarrassing two hours in the depths of his closet trying to pick out an outfit that said “respectable” and “please rip my clothes off”. Steve and he had been seeing each other for a little over a month now and things were going well. At least, Tony thought so. They’d been on several dates, they’d gotten to know each other, Steve knew that Tony spent 90% of his time either with his son or working late into the night. He knew most of the skeletons hidden in Tony’s closet and he hadn’t run screaming.

Steve was sticking around.

As much as that scared the hell out of Tony, he’d started to grow attached to Steve in return. They’d kissed, they’d held hands, but they hadn’t gone further than what two teenagers could get up to at a movie.

That night, Tony had showed, prepped, trimmed his beard. He’d cleaned up around the apartment, made sure he’d stocked up on condoms and lube. It had been quite a while since he’d been with anyone. Not since he’d had Peter. Even before that, he hadn’t brought anyone back to his place since Afghanistan. He hadn’t felt safe. Steve was the first new person Tony had let into his home, aside from Kate the babysitter.

The intercom buzzed and JARVIS’ voice came over the speakers. “Sir, Mr. Rogers is at the door.”

Tony’s heart beat faster, fingers drumming over his chest as he moved towards the foyer. Upon seeing him, a bright smile spread across Steve’s face, the sight calming some of Tony’s nerves.

He’d be okay; this was Steve.

“Hey,” Steve greeted him warmly, pulling him into a tight hug and rubbing his back. “Good to see you.

Tony pulled back, taking the container in Steve’s hand with a wry grin. “What’s this? Didn’t trust me to cook for you?”

Laughing, Steve pulled his jacket off and hung it in the hall closet. “Not apple pie, no. That’s New York’s best from Ida’s downtown.”

“Okay, I’ll trust your judgment on this,” Tony conceded, setting it down on the kitchen counter.

Steve followed him through the halls. “Peter’s asleep?”

Tony stiffened for a second before nodding. “Yeah. Little guy spent the whole day rolling around on the floor and eating twice his body weight in cereal. He’ll be out for the night.”

Humming, Steve came to a stop next to the dining room table. Steve was good at a lot of things: debate, staying active, driving, artistry. He wasn’t great at disguising his disappointment. Tony bit his lip, focusing on turning the burners off. He knew Steve was anxious to meet Peter. Part of Tony was really glad to know that; for a lot of people, kids were a deal breaker. It didn’t seem that way for Steve. He always asked after Peter, even bringing little toys and gifts for him when he saw things around town. Even knowing that, Tony was still overly cautious.

Peter was such a great kid, welcoming to just about anyone Tony allowed in his life. But, he got attached to just about everyone Tony allowed in his life. And while Tony thought things with Steve were going well, he didn’t want to risk Peter growing used to having Steve around… if it wasn’t going to be permanent. Tony knew very well how many people he chased away just by simply being himself or taking them for granted.

So, he’d keep them apart until he was sure Steve planned to stick around for good.

Tony set the food down in the center of the table, smiling as Steve pulled out his chair for him. Steve fixed them both plates, sat down and dug right in, leaving Tony little time to worry about whether he’d done a good job. It’d been a while since he’d made Carbonara and even longer since he’d made food for a date. But, Steve was special and Tony had wanted to do something nice. Especially tonight.

Tonight, when Steve was dressed in a tight t-shirt that left Tony at a loss for words. Blond hair combed back in that old-fashioned style that made him stand out from the rest of the gorgeous people Tony came across on a daily basis. Steve’s arms tensed as he gathered some pasta on his fork, biceps bulging as he took a bite, drawing Tony’s attention to his mouth.

With a soft moan, Steve’s eyes rolled back in pleasure. “God, Tony, this is so good.”

Tony’s face warmed, heat coiling in his center as he watched Steve take another bite. The sounds coming out of his mouth were eerily reminiscent of the sounds he made in Tony’s fantasies and Tony was growing less and less interested in food. Steve’s eyes opened, widening at the look on Tony’s face.

Laughing, he wiped at his mouth. “Sorry, am I being a pig? I skipped lunch today and this is just amazing.”

Smiling, Tony covered his mouth. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s great, actually. I’m really glad you like it.” Steve cocked his head to the side, uncertain and Tony sighed, face warming. “Okay, look, before I had a kid, I was a real cad. I mean, a real asshole. I never slept with the same person twice and I forgot their names the second they climbed out of my bed. If I even knew them in the first place.”

Steve blinked at him in confusion, so Tony cut to the point. “I don’t do that anymore. I haven’t done that in a long time.” He averted his gaze, a smile on his face. “That little monster sucks up all of my time and when I’m not with him, I’m working. And when I’m not working, I’m trying to get sleep. All this to say,” he winced, meeting Steve’s gaze as his words softened. “You’re the first new person I’ve let in my life in a long time. You’re the first person I’ve wanted to… want, and it’s been a really long time.”

Steve repeated his words slowly, “A really long time.”

“A really long time. And… I’m glad you like my food. Really, really glad but, all I’ve thought about for the past week or so is how badly I want to see you naked.” Steve’s cheeks pinked, eyes alight with amusement. “No pressure! None whatsoever, it’s just, you were looking at me like you were wondering if something was wrong so… yeah. Nothing’s wrong, I’m just horny.”

Steve reached out for his hand, “You think about me naked?”

“Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “What I meant was… well, I’ve been taking it slow because I just assumed you weren’t all that interested in that at the moment.” At Tony’s stunned silence, he laughed. “Which, I know isn’t the case. I’m ready when you are. It’s been a while for me – okay, okay,” he broke off in laughter, barely finding the time to toss his napkin on the table before Tony dragged him from the table.

Tony guided him to the bedroom, moving backwards as their mouths joined in a searing kiss. The bedroom door closed behind them, his back pressed against it as Steve gripped his waist, his hips rolling forward needfully. Tony’s mouth fell open in a gasp, arms raised over his head obediently as Steve tugged his shirt off.

Sucking kisses trailed along his neck as Steve started on his zipper, hushed breaths and the quiet clink of his belt buckle in Steve’s hands. A wide palm over his chest as Steve nosed behind his ear and hefted Tony into his arms, welcoming his legs around his waist. With a laugh, Tony rose up in his grip, tilting his head back with a sweet kiss, taking Steve’s tongue eagerly.

Turning, Steve carried him back to bed, laying him down with a hand on his lower back. A hardness pressed at Tony’s hip, strong arms holding Steve above him as he grinned down at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. Gazing up at Steve’s gleaming smile, the laugh lines on his face, Tony had never felt surer of himself.

Their lips met in another searing kiss, joined at the middle as he reached for the hem of Steve’s shirt.

+

When Tony awoke, Steve was gone.

A familiar chill settled in his bones. Then he heard the baby monitor.

Listening closely, he heard a quiet warbling, the usual sounds of an unhappy baby that had woken up alone. Tony scooted to the edge of the bed, a warm and pleasant soreness in his body. Pulling on his pants and a shirt, he’d started padding out when he heard a quiet voice.

“Hey, what’s going on, little guy? Your dad’s trying to sleep.” Steve. Tony paused, more curious than anything else. “Tell you the truth, I think I wore him out.”

Tony shook his head, starting down the hall. The dim light from Peter’s light streamed into the hall, a shadow moving as Steve moved into the room. Upon seeing Steve, Peter’s crying grew louder, his small hand reaching out. Tony followed, stopping just out of sight, peeking around the door jamb.

Steve had pulled on t-shirt and jeans, a soft smile on his face as he reached into the crib and pulled Peter into his arms. Just a bit awkward, the kind of hold for a man that wasn’t all that used to holding small children. Peter didn’t seem to mind, gazing up at Steve, eyes red and wet.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, rocking him for a moment. Peter reached out and Tony noticed the blanket on the floor. It must’ve fallen in his sleep. Steve ducked down carefully, picking it up and wrapping it around Peter carefully. “What’s so magical about this blanket, huh?”

Tony crossed his arms, leaning against the wall as he watched Steve read the inscription. He knew it by heart.

“To my little lamb”

Steve swallowed audibly, holding Peter tighter. He rubbed his back, his back turned to Tony for a moment. Tony’s chest tightened, remembering everything Steve had told him about his own mother. Rocking him a little, Steve started to pace the room. “You’re okay, little guy. It can be scary to wake up all alone. I get that.” His head lowered, touching the blanket. “Your mom gave you this blanket, huh? I’m sorry you lost her. She sounds really special. I lost my mom at a young age, too. Much older than you but, it was tough. I miss her every day. It was years before I realized just how much she did for me.”

Peter’s head fell softly against Steve’s chest, quieting. “You’re lucky, kiddo. You’ve got a dad that cares a lot about you.” Steve pet his head, murmuring, “Tell you a secret? I care a lot about him. It’s a little scary. He’s… generous, and stubborn and he doesn’t take care of himself but he takes care of everyone else . And he makes me laugh, and I…” His lashes fluttered, a soft smile on his face that made Tony’s insides twist with a feeling he was too frightened to name. “He makes me happy. I hope this works out.”

Tony moved in closer, reaching out to touch Steve’s back. Steve turned carefully, Peter’s cheek pressed to his chest. While awake, Peter didn’t last all that long, blinking up at his father tiredly before they closed quietly, his breathing evening out. Pressing a kiss to Tony’s temple, Steve stroked Peter’s back softly.

“Sorry, I tried to wake you,” Steve began but Tony shook his head, cupping his face and kissing his lips.

Steve’s eyes opened slowly, a little dazed. “I love you.”

Steve’s eyes widened ever so slightly, the corner of his mouth turning up. He kissed Tony once more, pulling him in close and kissing the top of his head. “I love you, too.”

A late night with a very unhappy baby

Steve didn’t consider himself particularly clingy.

He didn’t ever demand any of Tony’s time or call him incessantly. However, he did call Tony when he was stuck on a project and just needed to think about something else for a while. Which was why he’d called Tony late that night, the phone ringing twice before Steve realized it was well after three AM.

Tony answered.

“Hey, Steve,” he replied in a rush, fatigue apparent in his tone.

“Hi, Tony. I’m sorry. I dialed your number before I saw the clock.” There was a burst of noise on Tony’s end and then a muffled voice in the distance. “Where are you?”

“The hospital.”

Steve sat up in his desk chair, heart ticking up a beat. “What happened? Is someone hurt?”

Tony was quiet, the phone jostled a bit as he moved off to somewhere quieter. “No… yes, I don’t know. I’ve never—Peter’s never gotten sick since he’s been with me. Not like this. Usually, he plays all day and then I have to beg him to go to sleep. Today, he didn’t want to play with any of his toys or watch cartoons. He screamed bloody murder if I tried to set him down. He’s been in my arms all day and then he ran a fever and I couldn’t get it to go down.”

“Tony, slow down,” Steve said calmly, standing as he moved around his bedroom. He grabbed his keys and a jacket, locking up as he rested the phone against his shoulder. “I’m coming to you. Which hospital are you in?”

“Steve, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You don’t have to,” Steve replied, slipping on his jacket.

“You have to work.”

“It’ll keep.” He hurried down the stairs to his car.

+

When Steve arrived, he followed the signs for the pediatrics wing of the hospital. He understood the décor but it always made him said to see all the kids’ drawings on the walls and the small playrooms. He’d been sick a lot as a child but he was lucky he hadn’t had to spend as much time in the hospital as some of the other kids. Partially because there was no way his mother could have afforded it but also because a kid should be outside more and play with other kids.

He found Tony sitting on a bench in the hall, head in hand. As Steve approached, Tony clasped his fingers together and closed his eyes. As long as they’d been dating, Steve didn’t think he’d ever seen Tony pray. He’d often referred to himself as the son of a lapsed Catholic.

“Tony?” his head popped up, calming a bit as he saw Steve. Moving in closer, Tony rested his face against Steve’s stomach and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.” Steve pet his hair, stroking his back. “Is the doctor with him?”

Tony pulled back, running a tired hand over his face. “They’re trying to figure out what he has. If it’s a simple cold or something more serious. He couldn’t keep any of his food down.” Steve sat down next to him, wrapping his arm around Tony’s shoulders. “I probably should’ve brought him in sooner but, I’ve been that parent that brought their kid to the doctor for every little sniffle. I thought I could handle this.”

“It’s okay.”

Tony shook his head. “No, it’s not. I should’ve brought him in sooner.” He covered his face. “God, I’m terrible at this.”

His shoulder shook and Steve pulled him into a tight hug, murmuring, “No, you’re not. You’re great at this. You’ve done such a great job with that kid.” Tony’s fingers twisted in Steve’s shirt, his breath warm and moist against his neck as he breathed. “Let’s just wait for the doctor before we freak out, okay?”

Tony nodded slowly, nosing into Steve’s throat. He stayed there for a while and it took a few moments for Steve to realize he’d fallen asleep. It was a few minutes past four in the morning at this point. Steve technically had to be at work in six hours, but there was no way he was leaving Tony here alone.

He shifted a little so Tony was resting against him more comfortably and just watched the movement around the nurse’s station. There weren’t any other parents in the hallway but he could see lights and movement in some of the other rooms. Parents that had come in earlier. Parents that never left. It was hard for Steve to imagine Peter in one of those child sized hospital beds. He was so small anyway.

Stomach twisting, he stroked Tony’s hair and tried to focus on the feel of it beneath his fingers instead. Anything to avoid thinking about Peter miserable and sick. He was such a happy baby. He rarely even cried. Steve pressed a kiss to Tony’s temple and closed his eyes.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before a nurse came to find them. “Mr. Stark?” Steve opened his eyes blearily, offering a small smile as the blonde nurse nodded at him. “Mr. Stark?”

“Oh, I’m not – I’m with him but, I’m not,” he stuttered, sitting up slowly. Tony continued to sleep, dark circles under his eyes. “I’m not Peter’s father.”

Her eyes widened, “Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed.” Steve’s face warmed as she moved past it. “If you wake him, he can go in and see him.”

Steve nodded, rubbing Tony’s shoulders. “Tony, Tony, wake up.” Tony grumbled, turning into Steve’s neck with a sigh. “You can go in and see Peter now.”

Tony sat back, rubbing at his eyes. “I can?”

“Yeah, they’re ready for you.” Tony stood carefully, running a hand over his head. He moved down the hall and Steve stood, following after him. “Thanks,” he said to the nurse.

“You’re welcome.” She bit her lip and added, “It’s just, there’s usually two types. The one that worries and the calm one.”

Steve nodded, laughing softly. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” She handed him a blanket and nodded towards Tony. “There’s a couch in there. I don’t think he’s leaving tonight.”

Steve found Tony sitting in a chair by the bed. Peter was asleep, curled on his side with an IV line running underneath one of the blankets. Instead of the usual white blankets, there were small baby ducks on Peter’s blanket. Like the drawings outside, it made Steve’s stomach twist.

“Hey,” he greeted, standing beside Tony as he ran his thumb over Peter’s arm. Scratching lightly at Tony’s scalp, he watched as Tony murmured something quiet and kissed Peter’s forehead.

The doctor came in, nodding towards Tony as she asked, “Okay if I give you an update now?”

Tony followed her glance at Steve and nodded, “Yes, go ahead.”

“Your son has the early signs of asthma and, unfortunately, we caught it at the onset of pneumonia. You brought him in at the right time,” she added and Steve rubbed Tony’s back as he relaxed. “We gave him something to help with his breathing but we want to keep him overnight for observation. You’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”

Tony nodded, eyes locked on Peter as he slumbered. “Thanks, doc.” She nodded, sparing Steve a smile as she left the room.

Steve stood next to Tony until he finally stood from the chair and moved to the couch. Steve handed him the blanket and sat down, to Tony’s surprise.

“Steve, you really don’t have to.”

“I’m gonna stay. You’re here, I’m here.” He pulled up his backpack and shook it lightly. “Besides, I can finish up my work here.” When Tony opened his mouth, he added, “If you’d quit your yappin’ and let me work.”

Tony’s eyes widened, a softness in them that made Steve’s heart flutter nervously. He didn’t know why: Tony had said the words. They were a few months out from the first “I love you”s and Steve still got this nervous excitement whenever Tony looked at him like that. Now, he averted his gaze, yanking Tony down next to him. Over time, Tony slumped sideways, his head resting on Steve’s thigh.

His eyes closed, lashes fluttering as his breathing evened out. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I care about your little duckling.”

“Duckling?” Tony asked with a slight smile. It was the first real one of the night and it prompted Steve to card his fingers through Tony’s hair. He must’ve been really worried to leave the apartment without even combing his hair. From the looks of it, he was wearing two different shoes.

“He copies everything you say.”

“Here’s the part where I wonder if you understand anything I say to you because, I assure you, while my little kiddo is a genius, he can’t form actual words yet.”

“He tries to,” Steve replied, leaning over to kiss Tony’s cheek. “He copies your tone and the cadence.”

“God help us all.”

Steve laughed, kissing his forehead. “If he’s anything like you, he’ll be one amazing kid.”

Tony paused, turning over onto his back. His eyes opened slowly, studying Steve for a long moment. “You’re too good to me.”

It was quiet here, save for the quiet beep of the monitors. Steve’s breath caught, thumb trailing over Tony’s cheek. He grabbed Steve’s hand and kissed the inside of his palm, turning over as though he hadn’t made it impossible for Steve to form any words in response. He had a habit of saying things like that and moving on like they weren’t a big deal. And every time, Steve’s brain stuttered to a halt before he forced himself to speak.

Tony’s breathing evened out once more, a soft line in the center of his brow, quite similar to Peter’s. From where they sat, Steve could watch over the monitors.

He tried to focus on the ad campaign he was working on but, eventually, he pulled out his sketch pad and started the outline of a familiar smile. The sun softly rose behind them.

+

When Peter was released, Steve took them home.

Tony had caught a cab here initially and he was eternally grateful for Steve driving them back. To Steve’s surprise, Tony let him hold Peter as he unlocked the door. To Tony’s surprise, Peter went. He was still a little warm to the touch but, his fever had broken. He rested his cheek against Steve’s chest and lay there as Steve carefully followed Tony through the dark living room.

They laid Peter down in his crib and watched him settle. Then Tony went back to his room and took a quick shower. Steve laid down and fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.

When he awoke, Tony was lying beside him, Peter in his arms. At Steve’s curious look, he shrugged. “I can’t seem to put him down for long. It’s weird, I know.”

“S’not weird,” Steve rasped, blinking up at him groggily. “I was sick a lot as a child. My mom took care of me and somehow managed to work two jobs to support us. When she got sick, I owed it her. I feel like we spent most of our lives in and out of hospitals.”

Tony stiffened, his eyes pained. “And I dragged you right back into one.”

“Hey, no,” Steve said, sitting up. “That’s not what I meant. I’m glad I could be there for you. Honest.” He covered Peter’s back, a smile in the corner of his mouth. “The worst part about being there was when the other person would fall asleep and you’d wish you had someone else there. Anyone else to talk to about something other than insurance and medication. What to do next if…” he swallowed thickly. “It’s nice to have someone else there with you. I’m glad I could be that for you.”

Tony reached out and took his hand, squeezing it once. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Steve shook his head, falling back against the pillows. “You’re not.”

“I am. You’re so sweet and kind and funny in a way I don’t think you realize. You’re smart and you have a mouth on you. You’re good with Peter and you saw everything I had going on here and you didn’t run in the opposite direction. You’re perfect.”

Steve’s throat tightened, eyes warming. “I’m really not.”

“Steve—”

Steve sat up slowly. “Tony, look at me. Really look at me.” Tony frowned, his hand slowing where he was stroking Peter’s back. “I’m thirty years old and I’ve had the same underpaying job for seven years, now. My life is going nowhere. I pick up extra hours escorting people around town to events I could never go to. I love you and I’m happy to drop everything when you need me but… part of the reason I do that is because you and Peter are the only thing I’ve got going for me that makes any kind of sense. My life is nothing like I imagined it would be when I was younger.”

Tony averted his gaze and Steve touched his arm. “Make no mistake, I’m happy here. I really am. I just… I wish I was this happy with the rest of my life.” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m not perfect.”

Tony was quiet for a while, stroking Peter’s back as though it calmed him. Then, “When I can manage to put my son down without immediately needing to pick him up again,” he levelled Steve with a fierce stare, his voice strong, “we’re going to sit down and figure out a plan.”

“A plan?”

“I’m going to help you find your dream job and then you’re going to make tons of money or help orphans or whatever it is you want to do.” Steve laughed tearfully, wiping at his eyes. “Because you’ve put your life on hold for me more times than I can count and I’ve finally found a way to pay you back.”

Steve gazed at him wondrously, his chest tightening. “Tony, you don’t have to.”

“I do because you, and this tiny ball of clinginess and rage, are the only things in my life that make any kind of sense.” He leaned in, kissing Steve softly. “Now, come on. This’ll be attempt number three.” He stood carefully. “I think, if I can leave the room empty handed, we’re good to go.”

A series of failed proposals

“Up!”

Steve paused in cutting bananas, looking down at the small hand tugging on his pant leg. “Excuse me?”

“Up!”

“Good morning to you, too.”

Peter’s nose wrinkled as he reached out for Steve. “Up?”

“Up what?”

“Up p’ease?” Steve smiled, gathering Peter into his arms. He cheered, pressing his face to Steve’s shoulder as he bounced him gently.

“You’re up early, kiddo.”

Tony came into the kitchen, a stuffed bear underneath his arm. “I miss the days you used to pick me up like that.”

“Oh, quiet you,” Steve chided, kissing Tony’s cheek. Of course, Peter followed suit with a sloppier kiss. Steve picked up a slice of banana and offered it to Tony.

“Thank you,” Tony mumbled, his mouth full.

Shaking his head, Steve kissed his cheek once more. “You’re welcome.” He carried Peter around the counter, leaning against the island as Tony pulled out a carton of eggs. “What’s for breakfast, Chef Tony?”

“For this special day, I’m making omelets.”

“Special day?”

Tony froze, face twisting before it cleared. Steve knew enough to know when Tony was trying to control his reaction to something. Clearing his throat, Tony returned to the fridge, digging around for more ingredients. “A little over a year ago, I called you up and asked if you remembered the handsome devil that climbed in the back of your car.” He straightened, cheese in hand. “A year ago today, against your better judgment, you went on a date with me. I took you out to a fancy restaurant and talked your ear off about my son.”

Steve kicked himself, carding his fingers through Peter’s soft curls to comfort himself. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

Tony waved him off, a small smile on his face. “No, no, don’t be. Honest, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal.” Steve moved in closer. “It’s a very special day. I’m sorry I forgot. I didn’t get you anything.”

“It’s fine.” He offered Steve a teasing wink. “Just wear something pretty tonight.”

“I will,” Steve replied with a grin. He covered Peter’s ear and held him close to his chest. “I’ll even put out.”

“You better,” Tony joked. “I’m pulling out all the stops tonight.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He laid out all the ingredients and came closer to steal a kiss. Steve smiled, stealing another. “I’m going to spoil the hell out of you.”

“You do that now.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure, Tony,” he replied appeasingly. He lifted Peter up over his head, grinning up at him as he let out a cheerful cry. “Come on, little bug. Let’s get out of the kitchen.” As he left, Tony heard him whisper fondly, “He’s going to try to make me an omelet for the twelfth time and I’m a little afraid.”

Hiding a smile, Tony stood in front of the stove for a moment before he called out, “Okay, JARVIS, pull up the recipe. Nice and big, baby.”

+

Tony was more than a little nervous about tonight.

He played it off but, in truth, he didn’t have it in him to be upset Steve hadn’t remembered… because he’d been so busy planning this night over the past month. He’d rented out Steve’s favorite diner, called Kate to watch Peter overnight and booked a fancy hotel room for the night.

And he’d bought a ring.

A silver band with lines of sapphires and rubies. Inside, an inscription with curling script that he’d agonized over for three weeks straight. It had to be perfect; Steve deserved perfect.

He picked out his nicest black blazer and the blood red shirt Steve loved so much. Then he waited by the door for Steve to get ready. While he waited, he rehearsed his speech once more, quietly under his breath in case Steve surprised him. When nearly half an hour passed and Steve still hadn’t shown up, Tony went looking for him.

He found Steve in the bathroom, shirtless, running a washcloth over Peter’s face and chest. The smell of sick in the air and Tony groaned inwardly.

Upon seeing him, Steve offered an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Tony. I thought maybe I got him overexcited but then he lost what was left of his breakfast. I think he might have some kind of stomach bug.” Peter groaned miserably, resting his cheek against Steve’s chest. Petting his back, Steve kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay, buddy. We can reschedule, right?” he asked Tony.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He swallowed, pulling off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. “You need me to help?”

“No, I got it,” Steve replied distractedly, running some bathwater. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

+

Tony was able to reschedule renting out the diner a couple days later.

When he went to find Steve, he was sick as a dog and trying to power through it. He’d managed to get fully dressed but the grey tinge to his skin wasn’t entirely comforting. Tony put him to bed and brought him some chamomile tea and took care of him all night. Steve was feverish and surprisingly clingy, resting his head in Tony’s lap as they watched movies.

It certainly wasn’t the dinner Tony had planned but it was nice to just lie around with Steve and be lazy for once. He dozed lightly for a few hours and awoke to find Peter had climbed into their bed. He’d gripped Steve’s shirt in one small fist, his mouth open as he slept. In one startling moment, Tony realized his entire life fit in this California king sized bed.

He lay there for a while just watching them sleep.

+

The next time, Peter refused to let Steve go.

Steve, total pushover that he was, gave in.

+

The next time, Tony had an emergency business meeting.

+

The next available times, Steve had to work or travel to Chicago for work.

+

The next time, Tony’s flight from Paris was delayed six hours.

+

The next time, Kate couldn’t make it to babysit because her girlfriend surprised her with tickets to Metric.

+

The next time all the stars aligned and they were able to make it to their reservation, Steve agreed to meet Tony at the diner after work.

After so many missed opportunities and rescheduling several times, Tony didn’t have it in him to stress about it. He’d forgotten most of what he’d rehearsed, the ring was burning a hole in his pocket and he just wanted to get it over with. If anything, the universe forcing him to wait had only made him all the surer this was what he really wanted.

There was a time when he would have taken all these conflicts as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be. But now, with Steve, he was more certain than ever.

Every time he woke up to find Peter had climbed into bed with them in the middle of the night and commandeered Steve’s chest as his personal mattress. Every time Steve looked over in the middle of brushing his teeth and offered Tony a foamy smile. Every time Steve forgot himself and snorted laughing at one of Tony’s jokes. Every time Steve insisted on Pancake Sunday. Every time Steve absent mindedly mentioned what they’d have to do when Peter started school, when they’d need to replace the couch, when they’d need to get Tony reading glasses… every time he spoke about the future with the assumption that they’d be spending it together…. Every time, Tony grew even more sure that this was what he wanted.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Steve and if the universe would get its act together, he could finally get started.

When Steve didn’t show up on time, Tony sighed inwardly, sure that something had come up at the last minute: a flat tire, a car accident blocking the way, Peter getting sick again, Kate having to reschedule. Something to post pone this once again.

Then the front door opened and Steve rushed in, hair askew. Upon seeing Tony, he didn’t beam or offer Tony that sweet grin he’d grown so fond of. Instead, his brow furrowed, mouth turned down at the corners. Tony’s stomach twisted, sitting up straight.

“Hey,” he greeted hesitantly.

Steve sat down, straightening his hair as best he could without a mirror. He picked up the menu and then set it down. Picked up his water glass and then set it down. Finally, he faced Tony head on and sighed, “I’m sorry I’m late.”

Tony calmed some. Of course, Steve was just fretting about being late. He worried about things like that. Tony waved him off, “No big deal. This is like the first time you’ve ever been late in the year and a half I’ve known you.”

The corner of Steve’s mouth turned up slightly. “Yeah, I’m still sorry.”

Tony nodded, reaching out to take his hand. “It’s okay.”

Steve studied their hands, swallowing audibly. He met Tony’s gaze, eyes bright. “You mean the world to me. You know that right?”

Tony blinked at him, his heart rate ticking up. “Steve, what—”

“You know that?” Tony nodded and Steve chewed on his lip for a moment.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just – well, nothing yet.” He shook his head, pulling his hand back. “Probably nothing.”

“What happened?”

Steve averted his gaze to his hands for a while. During which, Tony ran through every worst-case scenario he could imagine. Finally, “I’ve always wanted to be an artist.”

“You’ve mentioned that,” Tony said slowly, offering a wry smile. To his surprise, Steve returned it, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“My entire life, that’s all I’ve wanted to be. I was practically born with a pencil in my hand.” His eyes welled up and Tony’s chest tightened in anticipation. “You pushed me to ask for more responsibility at work, to present my ideas and show my own pieces, put on my own shows.”

“I did.”

“Well,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It worked,” he offered with a quirk of his mouth. “There’s this big art director that absolutely loved my ideas. They think my style would be perfect to help set the tone for a film they’re producing. They want me there full time.”

Tony gaped, warming instantly. “Steve, that’s wonderful!” He grabbed Steve’s hands, squeezing tight. “That’s amazing, sweetheart! I mean, it’s not exactly what you wanted to do but someone’s going to give life to your ideas! That’s everything!”

Steve stared at him, a tear rolling down his cheek. Tony froze, shoulders falling. “What is it?” Tony asked. “Why are we not excited about this?”

Steve pulled one hand back, wiping at his cheek. “It’s in London.”

Silence.

Tony’s breath caught, hand squeezing tight around Steve’s almost reflexively. “What?”

“It’s two years, probably more in London. Full time.” Another tear rolled down his cheek and Steve averted his gaze. “It’s a pretty intensive project. Big names, even bigger budget. Can’t afford for me to try to fly there and back all the time. I mean, I’d get a few weeks of vacation here and there but, all of my time, my life would be in London.”

Tony pulled his hand back, curling into a fist.

They had an expiration date.

Steve sniffed, sneaking a peek at Tony, his nose red. “I have to turn it down, right?”

Tony stared at him, vision blurring as his eyes welled up and spilled over his cheeks. His voice was rough, “What?”

“I have to say ‘no’?” He nodded once, “I mean, that’s too long. It’s too far. I’m… I’m just getting started getting my work out there. It’s too much, too fast. I don’t even know that this is something I could be good at.”

He continued rambling on and Steve never rambled. It was all a jumbled blend of confusion and barely formed ideas but Tony understood it immediately – at the heart of it: Steve really wanted this. He really wanted the opportunity to try but he was afraid of failing. Even more than that, he was afraid to leave behind the life he’d made here.

With Tony.

Tony had done a lot of selfish things in his life. He’d been a different man before Peter. Before Steve. He knew he should be the bigger person and support Steve in this endeavor. At the same time, he wanted nothing more than to tell him yes, Steve should turn this down and stay here. Marry him and continue to build their life together.

Tony reached out and took Steve’s hands, forcing the words out. “You have to go.” Steve’s mouth snapped shut, eyes wide and bright as he stared at Tony. “You have to go, Steve. You have to try. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.”

Steve’s face crumpled, his head falling forward, “Tony, it’s too far.”

“I know you’re not tech savvy but, in case you missed it, we have planes now.” He let go of Steve briefly and moved around the table. Kneeling down in front of him, he cupped Steve’s cheek and wiped his face. He forced a smile, “Look at me. You are too damn talented to waste away fetching coffees and looking over mock ups advertising real estate agencies. You’re goddamn brilliant and someone finally realized that. Don’t give that up.”

Steve shook his head. “I have a life here.”

“I know that.” His voice wavered, throat tightening. “You are the best thing that’s happened to me since that little monster came into my life. I love you with everything that I am. I’ve done things I never even dreamed of doing because you became a part of my life. You are the most amazing, funny, intelligent, creative, kind person I’ve ever met and even when we fight, I can’t imagine not loving you.”

Steve shivered, his face splotchy as he rasped, “I love you, too.” Then, quieter, “Tell me not to go.”

Tony smoothed his thumb over Steve’s cheek, forcing the words out, “You’ve put your life on hold for me time and time again. How could I ask you to give this up for me? Do you realize how selfish that would be?” Steve’s eyes widened. “I can’t and I won’t.”

He dropped his hands to Steve’s legs, smiling up at him. “I’m proud of you, babe. You worked your ass off for seven years and it’s finally happened. You deserve this. I’m so happy for you.”

Steve studied him for a moment, his eyes shiny and wet. Then he pulled Tony into a tight hug, burying his wet face into Tony’s neck. Tony held him close, eyes clenched shut and, for a moment, he could almost pretend time had slowed.

+

Tony tried to get used to life without Steve. Kate upped her time babysitting Peter to compensate for the time Steve would’ve spent watching him while Tony was at work on the weekends. Tony had to get used to doing the grocery shopping again and all of the cleaning. He had to make time to take Peter to the park and taking him to all of his checkups alone.

It was harder to get used to sleeping alone again. Even aside from getting laid on a regular basis, just sleeping without the sounds of quiet breathing was surprisingly difficult. Sleeping next to Steve had been like sleeping next to a furnace. He ran so hot Tony often had to push the covers off of him because he was sweating in Steve’s arms.

Peter took Steve’s absence particularly hard. Often times, Tony would find him wandering around the apartment curiously before he’d return, his eyes wet and confused. Sometimes he would sit by the door and wait, looking up every time he heard a sound before Tony would have to pick him up and hold him close.

It was startling to realize just how much Peter had begun to emulate Steve. He loved being outside just as much as Steve, the big Labrador retriever. He ate just as much. Tony caught him scrunching up his face in that same adorable, confused frown Steve always gave when Tony went too far into the mechanics of how something worked. The worst had been the day Tony asked Peter to pick up his socks and Peter had replied “Sure, Daddy” in that same tone Steve always used and Tony stopped dead, lost in a memory.  

It took around four days after Steve left for Peter to throw a full-blown tantrum. Tony hadn’t known what to do. Peter was upset, inconsolable and, even knowing the cause, Tony couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t call Steve up and ask him to drop everything and come back because Peter was sad. Even worse, Tony understood; he wanted to cry, too. He had, that first night without Steve. He’d lain awake all night and tried not to think about the ring box buried in the back of his drawer.

So, Tony had picked Peter up, rocked him and shushed him as best he could. Spoke quietly to him and tried to make the best of their new life. It hadn’t solved everything but Peter fell asleep eventually.

They’d make it work.

+

Seven months in, Steve was buried in his laptop when there was a knock at the door.

He stood, running a tired hand over his head as he shuffled over to answer it. “Sandra, I know you feel bad for me but if you’re trying to drag me to another happy hour, I’m not…” he trailed off, heart in his throat. “Interested,” he finished slowly. “Tony?”

Tony offered a nervous smile. “Hi, I should have called. I know that, but—” Steve tugged him into a hug, squeezing painfully tight. Sighing, Tony hugged him back, nosing into his throat. “I’m so glad to see you.”

Steve held him for a minute, refusing to let up, even a little bit. Finally, he pulled back, studying Tony intently. “What are you doing here?”

“Would you buy that I was in the neighborhood?” Steve smiled, shaking his head. “No? Okay, well…”

He slid past Steve into the flat. Steve closed the door behind him, following behind him. He couldn’t take his eyes off Tony. It felt like ages since he’d seen him. His scent was so familiar and reminded Steve overwhelmingly of home. His chest tightened as he followed.

Tony turned around, his hands clasped together. “I realized that I could try to adjust to life without you. Peter’s young, I’m always swamped with work and seven months went by faster than I thought they would.” He took a deep breath, holding Steve’s gaze. “But I was miserable without you. Sure, I work long hours and Peter would have recovered but… I couldn’t imagine him growing up without you in his life. And I don’t want to.”

Steve swallowed, moving in closer. “What are you saying?”

“Peter’s young. Kids can grow up just about anywhere. I can run my company just about anywhere.” He cocked his head to the side, his words tentative. “And London’s just as good a place as any.”

Steve’s breath caught, a smile breaking out across his face. “You want to move here?”

“Of course not,” he replied, but the smile calmed Steve all the same. “I’m a New Yorker, born and raised.” He met Steve in the middle, taking his hand.

He dropped down to one knee, gazing up at Steve, his voice strong and sure. “But my life is here.” He pulled the ring box out of his pocket and opened it. “You’re here and I would follow you to hell and back if you’ll have me. Would you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

Steve shook his head, eyes widening as Tony’s face fell. Stumbling over his words, “No, no, no – I didn’t mean ‘no’, I just, this is a lot and I can’t believe this is happening. I’m wearing sweatpants and I can’t even remember the last time I brushed my hair,” he replied with a laugh. He leaned over to press a kiss to Tony’s forehead, his nose, and then his lips. “Yes! Of course! Took you long enough.”

Tony swallowed his laugh in kiss, murmuring softly, “I hope you’re making a lot of money because I plan on being a spoiled house husband.”

Steve stole another kiss, his voice sly and teasing. “Is that right?”

“That’s right.”

“You’re gonna let me spoil you?”

“I’m not lifting a finger.” He backed Steve towards the nearby couch. He climbed over him, his words soft. “I’m here for you.”

Steve gazed up at him, carding his fingers through Tony’s hair as he pulled him into a kiss.