Work Text:
When Jungkook had gotten a summer internship in cybersecurity, he hadn’t quite pictured his day job to be like this.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: lmfaoooo
omg tae tae did u see the receptionists new hairdo? name a more tragic story.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: lmfaoooo
yeah lol titanic has to move over for the mullet-fauxhawk hybrid disaster sitting on homboi’s head
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: lmfaoooo
lol how am i supposed to file this paperwork when that monstrosity is staring me down from a few meters away
Jungkook sighed loudly before adding to his growing report on business email misusage in Bighit Corporation.
Offense #82: Individual 1 (Kim Taehyung) and Individual 4 (Kim Seokjin) mocked a fellow employee in an exchange of emails between 10 and 11AM on 26/06. Used improper grammar and capitalization throughout. Extremely unprofessional.
Jungkook still couldn’t believe this was really his job now. Reading other people’s emails all day wasn’t at all what he had in mind when he applied for the position. The day he had started, CEO Bang had told Jungkook that all of the employees were aware of a “crackdown” of sorts on unprofessional behavior and that they knew their emails were visible to the IT staff at all times, but Jungkook was pretty sure that the employees hadn’t expected someone to be monitoring all of their emails for hours on end like this.
The only solace in this tedious and drab job was the fact that at least some of the emails Jungkook read were entertaining. And all of the amusing emails seemed to trace back to one person in the company: Kim Taehyung, a lower level HR employee.
Jungkook’s report on Taehyung and his friends were one of many Jungkook had written in the four weeks he had been working at Bighit. Among others, Jungkook had filed reports on inappropriate jokes told between employees and their bosses, employees using their email to organize unprofessional gatherings at local bars and clubs, and of course, a series of flirtatious exchanges between two employees that had known each other for at least two years and evidently, still hadn’t gotten their shit together and hooked up already. It was almost painful to witness. Jungkook sincerely hoped his report and the subsequent discipline measures both employees had faced had helped them finally speed things up.
Jungkook had started writing his report on Taehyung his second day on the job, finding that Taehyung had sent Hoseok (a fellow HR employee known in the report as Individual 2) a rather tasteful meme. A memé, by Jungkook’s standards. But no matter how supreme the meme, an infraction of company policies was an infraction, and Jungkook had been forced to document it soon after.
In all honesty, Jungkook knew he should have turned Taehyung’s report in long ago, but Taehyung’s emails generated a majority of the meager excitement in Jungkook’s work life, and Jungkook just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to random cat memes and hilariously detailed accounts of unsuccessful blind dates every Tuesday morning.
There are definitely more offenses to be made and added to the report, Jungkook justified to himself. I’m just trying to document the full spectrum of what Kim Taehyung is capable of.
Jungkook yawned before clicking off onto another set of emails on his computer.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Hey
Did you get home safe last night? You never texted me to let me know :(
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Hey
omg I’m so sorry!! I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home :< sorry to worry you
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Hey
No worries :) I’m just glad you’re alright, angel
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hey
O.O shhhhh youre gonna make me blush omg!!! I almost choked on my water omfg
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey
I’m just telling the truth. Be safe…angel ;)
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey
sdlkfjsdklfjsdklfjsldkjflksd
Jungkook found himself smiling a little at the exchange. It seemed as though getting chastised for the flirting had finally caused the two to do something about their obnoxious heart-eyes for each other (every other time Jungkook went to the breakroom, they were there, flirting and giggling with each other like their lives depended on it).
From Taehyung’s emails from earlier that morning, Jungkook had figured out that Yoongi and Jimin had gone on their first date together last night, which explained the stupidly adorable emails they were sending each other again.
Taking another large gulp of coffee, Jungkook opened up a new file and started typing.
Offense #1: Individual 1 (Min Yoongi) and Individual 2 (Park Jimin) exchanged personal emails with each other between 10 and 11AM on 26/06. Disappointing considering their last warning about flirting in emails. However, it is most relieving to onlookers that the two have finally moved on from casual flirtation to a more serious stage in their relationship.
Jungkook really doubted that anyone actually read the reports he wrote anymore, especially considering that he filed at least four of them a week. His supervisors probably just skimmed over the names and then let employees off with a casual reprimand about how company email addresses were to be used for strictly professional purposes.
With another large yawn, Jungkook leaned back in his chair and opened up Overwatch on his computer. He had caught two infractions in one hour, he deserved a break.
***
Okay, so maybe the whole reason Jungkook didn’t want to turn Taehyung’s report in wasn’t just that Taehyung was really funny.
No matter how humorous the man was, the vast majority of why Jungkook was keeping the report to himself was because of one thing and one thing only:
Kim Taehyung was gorgeous. Like, drop-dead gorgeous.
And perhaps Jungkook had a slight (very slight and barely noticeable!) crush on the man. Perhaps.
It just felt…wrong to throw such a beautiful man under the bus over some cute and funny emails exchanges between friends.
And it really didn’t help that Taehyung occasionally sent photos of his adorable puppy in his work emails. Jungkook was weak for cute puppies.
What also didn’t help was the fact Jungkook had to see Taehyung, physically be in the same space as Taehyung, sometimes attempt to make eye contact with Taehyung, and on special occasions, actually speak words to Taehyung approximately 3 times a day.
Jungkook shuddered to himself before a new notification popped up on his screen, letting him know there were more emails to be read and more people to be exposed.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Chocolate Taste Testing!!
Love, look at what I found!
[LINK: newtoday.com — Chocolate Taste Testers Wanted, No Prior Experience Necessary]
I’m sorry for laughing the other day when you told me your childhood dream job was taste testing chocolate :( It’s completely valid and so are all your hopes and aspirations.
Hope your day is going smoothly! Love you!
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Chocolate Taste Testing!!
told u so. also is it valid for me to tell u my current aspiration is for u to discover the text message function on ur phone or, god willing, ur kakaotalk. arent there ppl who r supposed to be reading our emails
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Chocolate Taste Testing!!
I’m pretty sure that was just a scare tactic to motivate us to be more productive. I really doubt anyone has the time or energy to sort through mundane work emails all day just to find one or two examples of unprofessionalism.
If only Namjoon knew.
Jungkook opened up his other ongoing report on the shenanigans of Seokjin and Namjoon, the corporation’s resident Married™ couple.
Offense #16: Individual 1 (Kim Seokjin) and Individual 2 (Kim Namjoon) exchanged personal emails that were both very heartwarming but also vomit-inducing between 1 and 2PM on 26/06. Why are some people so in love, ugh. Why is Namjoon so goddamn supportive of everything Seokjin does. Why is Namjoon so Namjoon. Ughhhh.
Jungkook quickly saved the document and went back to what he was doing before, which was watching a very important, absolutely critical Vine compliation.
It was as Jungkook allowed himself to be completely absorbed into the inexplicably amazing, godlike powers of six second videos that someone knocked on the side of his cubicle, calling out a friendly “Hey, Jungkook.”
Jungkook startled in his seat, instantly closing out of the window and quitting his browser just for good measure.
He must have looked pretty frenzied because Taehyung immediately held up his hands in surrender. “Whoa,” he said. “It’s just me. Don’t worry.”
Just you? Jungkook felt like screaming. Just you?
“Oh my god,” Jungkook mumbled, his capacity for social function declining rapidly the longer he stared at Taehyung’s face.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Taehyung offered, a gleam of amusement in his eyes. “I was just told to drop these off for you.”
He placed a stack of manila folders on Jungkook’s desk. Jungkook resisted the urge to open them write away, knowing that they were probably just the reports he had filed last week being returned to him.
“Anyway, I’ll leave you to your…cybersecurity duties,” Taehyung said, the mirth in his voice increasing steadily. “Didn’t realize Vine compilations were such a vital part to keeping this corporation safe from nefarious hackers and other wrongdoers.”
Jungkook felt himself flush at the words. “It’s um…It’s research! Gotta, like…you know, keep up with the times and all that! Haha.”
Taehyung burst into laughter at that, and if Jungkook hadn’t been gone for the man before, then the absolutely precious smile plastered on Taehyung’s face would have been enough for Jungkook to be ready to hand over his Netflix password.
Jungkook found his lips curling into a smile almost involuntarily, his nose scrunching as he tried to contain the little fluttery sensation in his chest he got whenever he was around Taehyung for more than three minutes at a time.
“For what’s it’s worth,” Taehyung said after he stopped laughing, “you have excellent taste in Vines.”
Jungkook had never felt so honored in his life.
He promptly concluded to himself that Kim Taehyung was the most perfect person in existence, and that no person, living or dead, would ever be able to live up to him.
“Thank you,” Jungkook answered shyly.
Taehyung beamed at him before gently bumping Jungkook’s shoulder and walking back to his own cubicle.
Jungkook finished the rest of the day in a bit of a daze. Maybe he was just imagining things, but as Jungkook left the office, Taehyung’s smile seemed just a little bit brighter and wider as he waved goodbye to Jungkook that way he did every day.
Jungkook couldn’t get the fluttery sensation in his chest to go away until the next morning.
***
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: penny for ur thots
bruh how much harder can you flirt with that cybersecurity intern i saw you put a bunch of blank folders on his desk yesterday just so you had an excuse to ogle him sum more
you guys have been making eyes at each other for literally weeks how much longer is this gonna go onnnnn
end my suffering pls
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: penny for ur thots
lol at ur subject line that’s p gr9 not gonna lie
also!! omg i was not!! flirting!! that hard!! leave me alone :(
n e ways fingers crossed im gonna ask to grab lunch w him today uwu
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: penny for ur thots
get that bread boi
Jungkook felt his eyes nearly bulge out of his head as he read his first email of the day. Taehyung was going to ask someone out today? Taehyung was interested in someone? Taehyung was interested in someone who worked in the same department as Jungkook?
This just wouldn’t do.
Jungkook stood up and glanced around furtively at his fellow interns, trying to narrow down who it could possibly be. What had Hoseok said earlier? Taehyung had placed folders on the person’s desk yesterday?
Jungkook squinted and scanned the desks of all the interns near him, trying to see if anyone had a stack of folders on their desk. There were two interns who met the criteria, but one of them was a woman, and Jungkook remembered that Taehyung had specifically used male pronouns (he tried not to let that fact boost his own hopes too much).
Jungkook wasn’t sure of the intern’s name, but he knew that the man was an IT intern, not a cybersecurity intern. Was it possible Hoseok had been mistaken earlier? For people outside of the department, it was easy to confuse the two, right?
Jungkook inhaled deeply before getting up. He decided to head to the breakroom to get some more coffee, but he purposefully took a longer route around so he could pass by the other intern’s desk and hopefully read the man’s nametag.
He held his breath as he passed by the other intern’s desk, his eyes laser sharp as they zeroed in on the nametag.
Park Bogum.
Jungkook mouthed the name to himself as he poured out another cup of coffee. When he sat down at his desk again, this time taking his usual, shorter route around the other side of the row of cubicles, Jungkook quickly opened an incognito tab and typed the man’s name into the company database.
Within ten minutes, Jungkook knew the other man’s age, address, phone number, and social media accounts.
Gritting his teeth together, Jungkook got to work.
First, he let himself into Hoseok’s email account, which wasn’t the most ethical thing to do…but desperate times called for desperate measures.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: penny for ur thots
yo yo my dude just thot u shld kno bogum thinks his dog is cuter than yours
drop him
i heard there’s a cute intern sitting a few desks to the right of him OJO
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t exactly the subtlest thing to send, but it would do.
Second, Jungkook gathered an arsenal of unflattering, photoshopped pictures of Bogum. It was while he was in the middle of editing the sixth one that he got a notification saying Taehyung had responded.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: penny for ur thots
uh ok ??? kinda random of u to say that idk a bogum tbh who is he again?
Jungkook squinted at the screen. Was Taehyung trying to play dumb?
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: penny for ur thots
……so abt that intern ur going to ask out
whats his name again?
With bated breath, Jungkook waited for Taehyung’s reply, his five horribly edited photos of Bogum’s face superimposed over Shrek lying just one click away.
Fifteen minutes passed, and still nothing. It wasn’t like Taehyung to take so long to respond to an email from one of his friends.
Looking around, Jungkook noticed that Hoseok was missing from his desk, which was weird because Jungkook could’ve sworn he had just seen the man sit down a few minutes ago.
He surveyed the room again and nearly choked on his own spit. Hoseok was in Taehyung’s cubicle, staring at something Taehyung was pointing out on his screen. The two both had puzzled looks on their faces, and Jungkook watched as Taehyung quickly typed something out before retracting his hands to stare at the screen again.
As if on cue, Jungkook’s computer let out a soft ping sound again. Jungkook gulped as he opened up the notification.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: penny for ur thots
listen this is really weird but i know ur not hoseok. who r u and what r u trying to do
Jungkook panicked.
From: <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: penny for ur thots
nothing bye!!
“Wow, real smooth there,” Jungkook muttered to himself as he felt beads of sweat start to form at his temples. “Fuck, that was a close call.”
“What was a close call?”
Jungkook let a noise that sounded like a cross between a screech and a whimper.
“Oh my god, how did you…” Jungkook couldn’t even finish his sentence, staring openmouthed at Taehyung, who looked rather bemused by the whole situation.
“So it’s true then,” Taehyung said. “They really do have someone reading all our emails.”
Jungkook felt a blush form on his face and spread across his neck. “I can neither confirm nor deny your suspicions.”
Taehyung smiled as if endeared by Jungkook. “So I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.”
Jungkook immediately glanced around the vicinity. “Cats? Where? Do they have soft fur? Can I pet them?”
Taehyung blinked several times in succession. “No, I meant like…never mind. The point is I suppose you are aware of my…current disposition.”
Jungkook stared at him, trying to put two and two together. “Oh, the thing about Bogum? He didn’t actually say that—Yeontan is clearly the superior puppy—I just made it up so you would…” Jungkook trailed off. “Nothing.”
Taehyung stared back at Jungkook for a long few seconds. “What? Who even is Bogum? Why do you keep bringing him up?”
“Because,” Jungkook said, hesitating for a moment, “you like him, right?”
He said the last part in a whisper, trying not to feel too sad about the whole thing.
“I…What?” Taehyung had the most perplexed look on his face. “I don’t like him. To be honest, I don’t even know who he is or what he looks like. Why would you think that?”
“Because you said you liked this one cybersecurity intern and you put folders on his desk and—”
Taehyung sighed loudly, cutting Jungkook off. “Oh my god.”
They didn’t speak for a few seconds.
“You realize,” Taehyung started, “you are the only cybersecurity intern here?”
It took approximately five seconds for the words to register and process in Jungkook’s brain. “Oh. Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh is correct,” Taehyung muttered. “For someone who can hack into everyone’s email at a moment’s notice, you seem to have trouble picking up on things.”
Jungkook blushed. “I don’t really hack. I just…monitor. Like, read up on stuff and write up reports if people are being unprofessional or whatever.”
“I see,” Taehyung said. “Have you ever written a report on me?”
“Your report is fifteen pages long right now,” Jungkook answered. “It’s still ongoing though.”
“That’s cool,” Taehyung replied placidly. “You’re cute.”
Jungkook felt his eyes widen. “R-Really?”
“Yeah, very cute,” Taehyung said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“You’re…You’re cute too,” Jungkook said in a small voice. “Just like….Just so you know. Um. Yeah.”
Taehyung laughed then, and the sound immediately warmed Jungkook’s chest and brought a smile to Jungkook’s face.
“So how about that lunch, Jungkook?”