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It wasn’t uncommon for Owen to wake up from nightmares. His heart would be racing and he’d jackknife up in bed. His mind running through so many what if’s that it physical made him sick to his stomach.
Some dreams included Curt dying and those were the worse. Others included Owen dying at Curt’s hand. Curt crying has he pulled the trigger on that damn stairwell. Those weren’t so bad, Owen reasoned that if he was going to die at least he’d die by the hands of the one he loved. Other dreams included getting out of the psychology program and Curt wasn’t there. He’d look Owen in his eyes and shake his head.
“I’m sorry Owen, I can’t do this. Goodbye.”
Without fail, Owen would be flailing only for a few seconds when a hand would rest against him. Shakily Owen would come down and look over. Curt would be staring up at him. His e were yes soft and caring. He’d murmur words of comfort and curl up against Owen’s chest. Owen would bring him close and in the other's scent. Scotch, gunpowder, aftershave, and something Owen couldn’t name something undeniable Curt. Eventually Curt would fall back asleep but Owen would stay wide awake. His arms still wrapped around Curt. Not quite sure if he was hallucinating or unwilling to slip back to his demons.
It was one of those nights.
“You know you broke my heart.” Curt’s voice was meek as he spoke to Owen. Brown eyes staring down into Owen. His eyes gleamed with unushered tears.
Owen felt a white-hot rage coil in his gut.
What did Curt know about heartbreak? He didn’t have a partner who abandoned him. A partner who’s carelessness nearly killed him. Owen was the only one who got to feel any heartbreak. Scoffing he glared the shorter Agent down.
“Shut the hell up Curt.” He spat Curt’s name out with as much venom as he could out behind it. Curt flinched violently back and bit on his bottom lip. Owen felt a certain degree of vicious satisfaction rise in his chest at the reaction. Curt deserved the violent emotional reaction. Curt opens his mouth to speak again but Owen beats him to it. He doesn’t want to listen to Curt’s shit.
“I said shut the hell up Curt. You are going to listen to me right here and right now.” Curt closes his eyes but mutely nodded his eyes. Memories of waking up and not finding Curt anywhere come fresh and unbidden to his mind. Being absolutely lost and mourning months after the fact. Eventually the mourning gave way to other emotions and Owen reached his new ultimatum.
Curt was a hazard and he couldn’t continue the way he was going. Owen would have to be the one to put him down.
“That heartbreak you feel? You have nobody but yourself to blame for that. You're the one who left me for dead. The one who’s always been so fucking careless on missions. That’s always been you. You don’t have any right to be feeling what your feeling. You brought this on yourself.” Curt stares blankly downwards. Then he looks back up to Owen.
“I— 'm so sorry Owen. I didn’t mean to. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. I wasn’t thinking.” Owen gave an airy laugh.
“Not thinking? You never think! Christ, Curt. Open your eyes.” Curt shook his head he looked Owen in the eyes.
“Please, just stop this. It won’t happen again.”
“Damn straight it won’t happen again.” With that Owen pulled the trigger. Curt’s eyes widened and he spoke his final words.
“I’ll never stop loving you.”
“No!” Owen howls, his body jerking around violently. The sound of a gunshot still ringing in his head. Curt falling down to the ground and his final words.
Curt. Curt. Curt. Curt.
“CURT!”
“Hey, hey. Owen. Owen! Look at me. Look at me! It’s okay. I’m here okay? I’m right here. See?” A hand was pressed firmly against his chest. Owen forced himself to look around and found himself staring into the eyes of Curt. Sucking in a sharp breath his head reeled.
“Curt?”
“Hey, baby,” murmurs Curt gentle. His hand gently moves up and cups Owen’s jaw. He nuzzled close to the other.
“Curt,” breaths Owen again. His arms immediately pull Curt flush against his chest. He’s terrified that he’s hallucinating. That he’s going to be touching empty air and Curt won’t be with him. That he actually killed Curt but that doesn’t happen.
Curt stays as a warm and solid presence in Owen’s arms. A broken sob leaves Owen’s lips. He wants, no, needs to kiss Curt. Curt studies him gently. Quietly he speaks again.
“Do you want to kiss?”
“Please.” Curt gentle leans forward and connects their lips together. Owen inhales and closes his eyes. It’s okay. He’s okay. After a while, they pull apart. Owen starts rambling, Curt never asks him about his dreams he doesn’t want to push but Owen always tells him because Curt was the one constant he always had and needed.
“You died, I killed you and you died. Your last words were that you loved me. Jesus Christ Curt, how can I move on from that?” Curt gentle raises his hand and runs it through Owen’s hair. Owen closes his eyes and basks in the comforting gesture.
“It was just a nightmare. I know saying it and believing it are two drastically different things but, I’m right here. Right here and I’ll always be right here. I’ll be by your side until the very end. Always and forever, okay? I love you so fucking much. I hate that you are going through this.” Breaths Curt gentle to Owen wrapping his arms tightly around the other. Owen closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Slowly, Curt detaches himself from Owen and stares at him. His heads tilted to the side and he resembles a dog.
“Are you doing better.”
“I’m better, now that you’re here.” He breathes out. Raising up he wraps his arms tightly around Curt and closes his eyes. Brushing their lips together the two of them curled tightly around one another and talked the night away.
Owen was okay. Somewhat, but he was doing better than he was that time before.