Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Do you think Andi’s still mad at me?”

“Possibly.”

“But I really didn’t want to do the costume!”

“You kind of sprung it on her last minute. A heads up would have been nice.”

Jonah groaned as they entered the school doors together, weaving through throngs of chatting students. “She hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Cyrus sympathized. “Look, she’s just going through a lot right now. Give her time.”

The other boy sighed. “I guess.” Then, he gave Cyrus a pointed look. “How are you doing?”

“Me? I’m fine. Why?”

“Well, I saw you a bit last Friday. You looked upset.”

Cyrus managed to maintain a poker face. “I’m fine,” he repeated. “Anyway, what do you think of-.”

He froze in his tracks, his eyes trained on another figure down the hall.

T.J. was there, talking to a classmate, friendly smile plastered on his face.

As if the world just turned back on its axis, Cyrus was transported back to last Friday.

He woke up excited and ready to face the day. He put on an all-white outfit with his shirt bearing a giant “S”. He put a strainer on his head as a hat and walked to the bus stop looking like he was trying to ward off an alien abduction. But, he didn’t care because his costume was clever and had a deep, personal meaning.

And, then, T.J. showed up, not wearing their agreed costume. And the icing on the carrot cake was Kira showing up, gloating about their matching costumes. 

Double Dribble. What the heck did that mean?! 

T.J. apologized and allowed the girl to whisk him away, leaving Cyrus behind as a miserable salt shaker with no summer to complete him.

He was brought back to the present by Jonah’s voice going, “Cyrus? You okay?”

The boy shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Yeah.”

Across the way, T.J. happened to turn his head in their direction. Green eyes met his brown ones.

T.J. smiled and lifted a hand to wave.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Cyrus looked away. “I gotta go. See you later.”

“Wait, I thought we were getting breakfast,” Jonah asked, confused.

But, Cyrus’ feet were already taking him away to another direction. He didn’t know where exactly he was going but he needed to get out of there. 

Seeing T.J…. he suddenly couldn’t breathe. It felt like a hand was wrapped around his heart and squeezing it until it turned to dust.

He did a pretty good job dodging T.J. for the rest of the day.

(They passed each other in the halls during second period but Cyrus hid behind a tall classmate. Then he saw T.J. hovering by his locker during third period and decided he didn’t need his English notebook after all and took a different set of stairs to get to class.)

He felt a little bad but every time he saw the jock and looked at his face, he would remember. And, then, the feelings of betrayal and abandonment would take over.

All his senses were telling him to let his friend explain, to hear him out and listen. Cyrus wasn’t one for jumping to conclusions. He believed everyone had a reason for doing something and he always prided himself in being open-minded when it came to listening to other people.

But, this time, something was different. This time, the pain in his chest was interfering, preventing him from thinking, logically. And, thus, he chose to run away.

At lunch, he sat with Andi and Buffy, as usual. Jonah was nowhere to be found, probably still clearing clear of Andi’s wrath. 

Meanwhile, the pixie-haired girl was ranting about her parents’ decision to cancel the wedding. Buffy listened sympathetically and Cyrus tried to be as well, even as he picked at his lunch.

“Am I overreacting? I don’t think I am. I’m allowed to be upset, right?”

“Totally,” Buffy agreed.

Cyrus hummed.

This time, the two girls turned to him.

“Are you okay?” Andi asked.

Cyrus smiled, faintly. “Yeah. Why?”

“Well, for one, you’ve been really quiet.”

“Is this about T.J.?” Buffy asked. “Do you want me to have words with him?”

But, Cyrus shook his head. “No, I’m fine, really.”

His athletic friend frowned. “You know it’s okay to not be okay, right, Cyrus? You’re always telling us that.”

“And we’re here for you if you need to talk,” Andi added.

His girls… how did he get so lucky to have two of the most amazing best friends in the world?

“Thanks, guys,” he said, gratefully. “I mean… it’s no big deal. I’ll get over it. And…”

He trailed off, his eye catching a familiar blonde head walking towards their table.

Quick as lightning, he jumped to his feet and grabbed his bag.

“Cy?” Andi questioned. “Where are you-.”

“I gotta go,” he said, picking up his tray. “I’ll see you, guys, later.”

He dumped the contents of his tray in the nearest trash can and practically tossed it on the rack.

Then, he sped off.

He had never run so fast in his entire life. His Gym teacher would have been proud.

T.J. miserably watched Cyrus practically hightail out of the cafeteria after seeing him approach. He couldn’t blame him. He broke his promise.

He didn’t know what came over him. Being close to Cyrus had never bothered him before. He liked being close to him. He was his best friend. And, yes, maybe he also had not-so-friendly feelings for him, but it was never an issue…not until Kira said those things that made him feel like he should be ashamed.

And, what more, Cyrus ignored his texts all weekend. And was avoiding him all morning. And was running away from him now.

He had never felt so pathetic in his entire life.

Anxiously, he approached the table where Cyrus sat before.

The two girls immediately noticed his presence and glared.

“What do you want?” Buffy snapped, coldly.

If looks could kill, T.J. would be a goner.

Well, he made this bed. He would lie in it.

“Is Cyrus mad at me?” he asked, cursing his voice for being so faint.

But, that seemed to gain some sympathy. Buffy’s gaze softened.

“No,” she replied. “He’s not mad.”

“Just disappointed,” Andi supplied, flashing him a pointed look. “You really hurt him this time. How are you going to fix it?”

The guilt T.J. had been carrying since Friday multiplied tenfold.

“I didn’t mean to,” he said, but even that sounded like a lame excuse. “I… I wasn’t trying to hurt him. It’s just… stuff happened and…”

“You should be explaining this to Cyrus, not us,” Buffy pointed out.

“He won’t talk to me! He keeps running away from me! He won’t even answer my texts!”

“And this time, it’s not because of us,” said Andi.

T.J. was out of his wits at this point. He just wanted to talk to Cyrus, apologize, and patch things up. He knew he messed up and he didn’t want to lose him because he had a moment of weakness. He let Kira play into his insecurities and he ended up hurting Cyrus.

“I need to talk to him,” he practically begged the two girls. “Please?”

He knew his image with them was pretty shot at this point but if there was anyone he knew who could help him fix things with Cyrus, it would be these two… if they were feeling generous.

The girls turned to each other, their eyes having a silent conversation.

“I don’t think we can really help you,” Buffy said, slowly.

T.J.’s heart sank.

“But…” Andi looked up to meet his eyes. “We know Cyrus has fifth period free and he always does his homework on the first-floor lounge. The table by the Science lab.”

“And he didn’t really eat much of his lunch,” added Buffy with a kind smile.

Hope bloomed in T.J.’s chest.

“Thank you,” he said to them, breaking out into his first smile of the day.

With determined steps, he headed for the food line.

…………..

“The swimming club went to a swim meet in another town. They took 4 cars and 2 vans. There were 5 people in each car and 8 people in each van. How many people went on the trip?”

Cyrus read the problem over and over again before beginning to write an equation. Halfway through, he crossed it out and started drawing them out, instead.

Why did they have to take 4 cars and 2 vans, anyway? Why couldn’t they just take a large coach bus and be done with it?!

His musings were interrupted by another presence.

In a few seconds, an object was set down next to his notebook: a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin.

He looked up to see T.J., looking worse for wear.

Cyrus gulped. It was too late to run away.

“Can I sit?” the blonde asked, gesturing to the seat across from him.

Putting his pencil down, Cyrus shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

T.J. sat down, his gaze not leaving him for a second, as if he was afraid that Cyrus would disappear if he did.

His worries weren’t unfounded. If leaving didn’t require packing up his things and swinging his legs over the bench, Cyrus would have gotten away by now.

“You didn’t answer my texts all weekend,” T.J. started.

He cleared his dry throat. “I was busy,” he mumbled, directing his gaze at anything else but the jock in front of him.

T.J. had his puppy dog face on. Cyrus was weak to that.

“Cyrus…”

He picked up his pencil again and turned his attention back to his homework, trying to ignore the way his hand was shaking and his penmanship barely legible.

“Cyrus… I’m sorry.”

His hand froze.

Slowly, he raised his eyes to see T.J. looking utterly miserable.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, it just… happened.”

It just happened. Cyrus hated that. What exactly happened that made T.J. abandon all their plans and left him hanging like a piece of lettuce no one wanted?

Slowly, he put the pencil down again. Clasping his hands underneath the table, Cyrus finally asked the one question that had been bugging him since Friday.

“Why did you do it?” His voice was soft and strained.

But, T.J. heard it. The jock looked away, guiltily, for a moment before looking back at him.

“I wanted to do the costume with you, honest.”

“It didn’t seem that way to me,” Cyrus replied, coldly. “Do you know how humiliating that was? And I don’t even care that you didn’t do the costume. I’m more disappointed by the fact that you didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me before I put that stupid strainer on my head.”

“You looked really cute,” T.J. stated, with a small smile.

Cyrus glared, ignoring the blood rushing to his cheeks.

T.J.’s face fell. “Sorry.”

Cyrus’ eyes stung. “I wouldn’t have minded if you realized that you liked Kira and wanted to do the costume with her instead of me. I get it, I was probably a last resort but I still would have appreciated-.”

“I don’t like Kira.”

That made Cyrus pause and squint, suspiciously, at him. “What do you mean? You wouldn’t just drop a costume you planned to do with me and do something else with another person if you didn’t like them!”

“I don’t!” T.J. insisted, sounding distressed now.

“Then, why?!”

“Because!…. Because…”

T.J. seemed to be having a sort of internal debate with himself.

Cyrus felt awful for pressing but he needed answers. He wanted answers. He was done being the passive one, for once. He just needed to know. And he wanted to be treated like he was important, for once.

“I… I can’t really explain it…” T.J. was fidgeting. “Just… the day before… Kira found me at the park. She told me she wanted to do a costume with me but I told her I was already doing one with you. But, she wouldn’t stop asking and then… then she… she said some things…”

Cyrus furrowed his brows. “What did she say?”

T.J. opened his mouth but no words came out.

“T.J.?”

“S-She… U-Um…”

T.J. truly looked distressed now, like he was about to cry and hyperventilate if he continued.

Cyrus’ heart twitched. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”

T.J. swallowed. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. It’s just… it was bugging me. And I freaked out. I did the costume with her without thinking and I wanted to tell you that morning before she showed up. And I’m… I’m still trying to figure things out… but, I don’t like her! I swear!” he added, quickly. “I’m just… figuring things out…”

He sounded genuinely sorry and if Cyrus knew anything about himself by now, it was that he when it came to T.J. Kippen, his resolve was weak. He didn’t know how the blonde managed to finagle his way into his heart but he was there to stay.

“Okay,” he replied.

T.J. appeared to light up, a small smile playing on his lips. “I know I don’t deserve it, but… do you forgive me?”

Cyrus managed a small smile of his own. “Yeah. I forgive you.”

T.J.’s smile widened.

“But…” Cyrus bit his lip. “I think… we need a little space.”

Fear flashed in T.J.’s eyes. “Cyrus-.”

“Just because you apologized and explained everything doesn’t mean I’m immediately okay with what you did.”

Cyrus gathered all of his strength to maintain a steady voice and a calm demeanor because if he didn’t, he might actually cry. And he didn’t want to cry in front of him.  

“You really hurt me, T.J.,” he finally confessed.

A traitorous tear managed to escape his eye.

“I forgive you but I need space from you.” He closed his notebook and grabbed his bag.

“I-I don’t want space,” said T.J., his voice breaking. “Cyrus, please-.”

“I don’t want to do this either.” Cyrus swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling another tear brimming at his eyes. “But, I need it. We need it. Use this time to figure out exactly what my place is in your life. And… I think I have a few things I need to think over, too.”

His heart hammering against his chest, he stood up.

“Cyrus,” T.J. called out, desperately, also rising to his feet.

He glanced at the lone chocolate-chocolate chip muffin on the table before giving the blonde a small sad smile. 

“Bye, T.J.”

Turning on his heels, he quickly walked away. In a few steps, he was tempted to look back but forced his gaze forward, dragging his heavy feet away.

Turning a corner, he ducked into an empty hallway.

Shrouded in darkness, he finally allowed his tears to fall freely and silently.  

He made this choice. He didn’t know if it was the right one, but he knew he needed it.

But, then, why was his heart breaking?

Chapter Text

“But, what am I supposed to do with this ball of rage I’m holding?” Andi mused, holding her imaginary ball of rage in her hands. “I don’t have anywhere to put it!”

Amber raised her hand with a cheeky smile. “I do.”

The three of them stared at her in question, wondering what devious thought the waitress had in her mind.

Before they could ask, Cyrus’ phone beeped. He lifted it up, checking to see who sent him a text. Reading the name, his chest tightened. Frowning, he put the phone away, not bothering to open it.

Buffy turned to him, eyebrow raised. “Who was that?” she asked.

He shook his head. “No one,” he answered through gritted teeth.

Andi flashed him a worried look. “Is it T.J.?” she asked.

As if answering the artist, a familiar jingle sounded off.

Cyrus looked at his phone to see the same name, flashing on the screen. It was a call this time. 

Swallowing, the boy turned his phone off and shoved it into his pocket.

“It’s no one,” he insisted.

“Cyrus-.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped, feeling his patience thinning. He loved them but he just wanted them to leave him alone, for once. “Please.”

Seeing how serious he must have looked, the girls dropped the subject.

Andi turned back to a confused-looking Amber, “So… you were saying?”

“Huh? Oh, right. So, there’s this place by Main Street…”

The conversation continued on, as if there had been no interruption. Just the way it always was. 

Cyrus nodded and agreed in all the right spots. His hands were firmly clasped together on top of the table.

In his pocket, his cell phone burned.

It was another ordinary Tuesday as Cyrus dragged himself to his locker to swap his books for his next class. Around him, the other students’ chatter sounded like a murmur in his ears. 

It was only third period but he was already tired. He hoped lunch would come soon so he could take a short nap. He couldn’t sleep again last night.

“Cyrus.”

He felt his body go cold at the voice.

Last week, hearing that voice would have made him excited because it belonged to one of his best friends. Someone he held so near and dear to his heart. Someone he thought would always be there for him.

But… now… it was the voice of a best friend who betrayed him and chose someone else over him.

He got too confident. He shouldn’t have let his guard down. He should have known he wasn’t anything special to T.J.

Feeling himself begin to shake, Cyrus stuffed his notebook into his bag and closed his locker. Without turning his head, he began to quickly walk in the opposite direction.

“Cyrus, wait!”

Footsteps followed him so he sped up. Unfortunately, even after months of dance class, speed never became his strong suit.

A hand wrapped around his arm, pulling him back.

“Cyrus, please talk to me! I’m sorry! I really am!”

T.J. voice was desperate and his hold on Cyrus’ arm was tight, like he was afraid he would disappear if he loosened his grip even just a little.

Cyrus kept his gaze forward. “T.J., I have to get to class. Please don’t make a scene.”

Never letting go of his arm, T.J. moved to stand in front of him. Cyrus turned his head to the side, choosing to look at a random poster on the bulletin board than the boy in front of him.

“I know I messed up and you’re mad but please talk to me.”

Cyrus felt his throat closing up, a sob threatening to come out.

“I’m not mad,” he said, softly. “Just disappointed.”

“I… I know… and I’m sorry!”

“You keep apologizing but it’s not going to change what happened.”

“Then, let me make it up to you! Just tell me, I’ll do anything!”

At that, Cyrus finally raised his head, his gaze meeting T.J.’s for the first time. The blonde looked the same as he did the day before – tired and distressed. Cyrus wanted to hug him but he knew he couldn’t… shouldn’t.

T.J. had hurt him.

“You want to make it up to me?” he questioned.

A spark of hope flickered on T.J.’s face and he nodded. “Anything.”

Gently but forcefully, Cyrus removed his arm from the blonde’s hold and stepped back.

“Then, give me the space I asked for. It’s the least you can do.”

T.J.’s face crumpled and Cyrus took that opportunity to walk past him in speedy steps. Soon, he found himself breaking into a run, down the hallway and up the stairs.

He felt cruel. Selfish. Like a terrible friend.

For once, he didn’t care.

“… so five seconds on the clock, I took a shot and bam! I won the championship for the Monarchs. Third. Year. In. A. Row.”

Around the table, the boys’ basketball team nodded their heads and expressed their admiration.

T.J. pursed his lips, poking at his pasta with a fork. He wasn’t really hungry so he didn’t know why he bothered getting food. Force of habit, he supposed.

“Hey, Kippen.” A hand slapped his arm. “You haven’t talked this entire time. What’s going on?”

He found himself glaring at the girl next to him. Her touch burned.

He couldn’t believe that he abandoned Cyrus last week for this girl. He had only known her for a few days yet he already concluded that she was snobby, arrogant, and a total bully.

She reminded him of the way he was before he met Cyrus.

Feeling his stomach flip-flopping with unease, he didn’t even bother answering Kira’s question. Instead, he stood up, grabbed his bag and his tray, and muttered a “See you guys later” before walking off.

He dumped his lunch in a trash can and tossed the tray in the rack before making his way towards the doors. From the corner of his eye, he could see Cyrus sitting with his friends. A large part of him wanted to walk over and talk to him, beg for his forgiveness again.

But, he recalled Cyrus’ cold gaze that morning. He had never looked at T.J. that way before. There was always warmth in those eyes. But, now…

“Kippen! Hey!”

Feeling a spark of annoyance, T.J. continued on, walking out of the cafeteria.

He walked down the hallway in hurried steps, not really sure where he was going but wanting nothing but to get away from her.

“Kippen! Hold up!”

He didn’t stop.

“Hey!”

A hand grabbed his arm and he shrugged it off, spinning around in irritation.

“What?!”

Kira frowned at him. “What the hell is your problem?”

And, just like that, T.J. exploded.

“You! You’re my problem!”

The girl raised an eyebrow. “Is this about Costume Day, still? Dude, you have to admit, your costume idea was kinda lame-.”

“It wasn’t lame!” T.J. couldn’t help but defend, feeling his blood boiling at a dangerous level. “It meant something to us! To me and Cyrus! It was our thing!”

Kira huffed, a smile playing on her lips. “It wasn’t like I made you do it. You’re the one who backed out and did a costume with me.”

T.J. felt his chest ache. “Because you said those things!”

She chuckled. “What things? I just said that I saw. It’s not my fault you took it the wrong way. So, don’t go around blaming me, Kippen. You’re the one who texted me that night asking if I can still do the costume with you. You’re lucky I didn’t ask someone else.”

How did she do that? How could she just say things that got under his skin? He knew she was wrong and at fault. He knew, in his deepest heart of hearts, that tried to manipulate him and he played right into her game.

How could be so weak?!

He glared. “I know what you’re trying to do, Kira. You’re trying to buddy-buddy your way into my team. Well, guess what? You’ll never be a part of it. Buffy kicked you out of her team for a reason and I can stop you from being a part of mine for the same. So, don’t even bother. I’m still the Captain.”

He felt satisfaction at seeing Kira’s strong gaze falter. Her smirk was gone now, replaced by a frown.

“Why are you such a jerk?” she retorted.

T.J. laughed, humorlessly. “Oh, you think I’m acting like a jerk now? Please.” He sneered, coldly. “You haven’t met the old me. You know, the one who got all the guys to ignore Buffy during her entire time with us? To not pass her the ball and make her look like a fool in front of everyone? The one who got her suspended from the team? So, consider yourself lucky. Cause trust me, you wouldn’t want him back.”

It wasn’t just a statement. It was a warning.

She took him lightly because he was nice to her.

But, not anymore.

If all it took for her to finally get the message was by acting like his old self – that arrogant, self-centered, and unfriendly jerk – then so be it.

Kira opened her mouth to retort but couldn’t seem to find the words. T.J. took that opportunity to spin on his heels and walk away.

This time, she didn’t follow him, to his relief.

Still fuming with anger, he stalked down the halls to his next class. He didn’t know how much longer lunch was going to last, but he would rather spend the rest of it alone and away from Kira than spend another second with her gloating about her achievements and reminding him of what he lost because of his own cowardice.

But, he couldn’t just give up.

Cyrus never gave up on him.

So, T.J. shouldn’t either.

He would make things right, somehow. 

The girls were laughing and playing around as they made their way out of the gym after practice. 

Buffy watched them fondly from the back of the herd.

They were getting better. After she learned to be more patient and understanding of them, they had gotten more motivated to get better. 

Finally, their Captain believed in them and they didn’t want to let her down. And, if their determination kept up, they might actually have a high chance of beating the Robins in the next game.

When the girls suddenly became quiet, Buffy looked past them to see a familiar figure she didn’t expect to see for a while, yet there he was.

T.J. pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against, his attention on Buffy.

She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you,” he replied, sounding nervous.

She gestured for the girls to go ahead. She waited until they turned a corner before turning back to T.J. and crossing her arms. “What is it?”

The blonde swallowed. “I need your help.” Then, in a broken voice, he added, “Please.”

Buffy felt her mouth drop open, slightly. That was the second time T.J. has said “please” to her.

It was definitely serious.

Uncrossing her arms, she nodded. “Let’s talk outside.”

Falling into step next to her, the two basketball players made their way out to the courtyard. They settled on a picnic bench, across each other.

Buffy schooled her features to that of indifference. “Okay. Talk.”

Chapter Text

“Okay. Talk.”

T.J. clasped his hands tightly on top of the table. Now that Buffy was in front of him, not looking like she wanted to murder him for hurting her best friend and hide his body, he didn’t really what to say or where start.

So, he looked down at his hands.

“Cyrus is mad at me,” was what he ended up with. “He says he’s not but… I know he is.” He swallowed. “I messed up… I messed up so bad.”

When he looked up, he met Buffy’s pitying eyes. Her gaze was a stab to his pride and self-esteem. He hated being pitied.

“What happened, exactly?” Buffy asked, kindly. “You said that stuff happened. What stuff? We tried to ask Cyrus, but he refused to talk about it.”

T.J. felt his chest ache with guilt.

“You know, it’s the first time Cyrus willingly doesn’t want to talk about you,” Buffy continued. “Before, he would just randomly mention your name in conversations.”

That seemed to perk T.J. up as his heart skipped a beat. “He talks about me?” he couldn’t help but ask, a seed of hope blooming inside him. 

“All the time! It’s annoying, sometimes. But he gets so excited that we don’t have the heart to tell him to stop.” Buffy chuckled before her face turned solemn again. “He really cares about you. And you just…”

His face mirrored hers. “I… I know…”

Silence fell upon them. Buffy continued to eye him but he refused to meet her gaze, choosing to stare at his hands again. He had hoped that by talking to Buffy, he would finally have some sort of reprieve or even answers. It took everything in him to just not spill everything out, not knowing how the girl would react if he did.

“T.J., I know that we’re not really… friends, per se,” she said, slowly. “But, if you want to talk about it, you can trust me. I’ll listen.”

That made him raise his head again. The look on her face told him that she was sincere. Both of them may have started off on the wrong foot but Cyrus trusted Buffy with his life. Maybe, T.J. could trust her too.

He swallowed. “I…really wanted to do the costume with Cyrus. I mean, it was my idea. I thought he might like it. And he did.”

He smiled, remembering the way Cyrus’ face lit up when he realized what his idea was and how personal it was to them. It was their thing. 

Then, the image shifted to Cyrus looking hurt and upset, disappointed by T.J.’s actions. It made T.J. want to cry.

“I told Kira ‘no’ when she asked me to do a costume with her. Twice. I didn’t think her idea was that good, anyway.”

It was super lame, he thought to himself but figured best not voice out.

“But, even if it was good, I still wouldn’t have done it. I wanted to do what I planned with Cyrus.”

Buffy nodded, calmly in understanding. “So, why didn’t you?”

T.J. looked down at his fingers in shame. “She said something… and it bothered me.”

“What did she say?”

He couldn’t tell Cyrus before when he asked. But, maybe…

“She said…” T.J. swallowed and looked up. “She said, ‘You’d rather do a costume with Cyrus than with me.’ And the way she said it… it made me feel… like I was doing something wrong. Like, it was something I should be ashamed of.”

Buffy furrowed her brows. “Is it? Are you ashamed to be seen with Cyrus?”

T.J.’s eyes widened in alarm. “Of course not! I would never be ashamed of being with Cyrus! But I… I freaked out… A lot of things were going on in my head but the next thing I knew, I was texting Kira and asking if she still wanted to do her idea. And I wanted to call Cyrus, I did! But… But…” 

Frustrated, his head fell onto his hands. “I messed up! I made the wrong choice and I messed up and I hurt Cyrus! Okay? It was my fault! I just… I want to make it up to him but he won’t talk to me.” He raised his head. “Please, Buffy.”

The girl was quiet for a moment, simply watching him. He wondered what was going on inside her head. He knew how protective she was of her friends. Would she tell him to give it up and stay away from Cyrus? Or would she help him?

“What Kira said to you was wrong,” she finally said, glaring. “She shouldn’t have… I can’t believe she even…” She let out a frustrated huff. “You know what? It doesn’t matter, the damage is done. All you can do now is make it up to Cyrus.”

“H-How?” T.J. whispered. “He wants space. And I… I don’t know if I can do it…”

“You have to.” Buffy leaned forward in her seat, eyes meeting his. “Cyrus wouldn’t ask you for space if he didn’t need it. And… I know it’s hard to do that because you two are so close now. But, it’s all you can do for now.”

His eyes stung with tears he refused to shed. Not in front of Buffy. Not in front of anyone. He never felt comfortable being vulnerable in front of anyone else. Only Cyrus. And he couldn’t even do that.

“What if he forgets me?” he couldn’t help but voice out, cursing at how strained his voice was.

Buffy chuckled. “Trust me, he won’t forget you. He just needs some time to himself. You know, figure things out between you, guys.”

He was sure it was meant to be comforting, but it made T.J. panic even more.

“What if he decides he doesn’t want me in his life anymore? Buffy, I-I can’t handle that!”

What if Cyrus realized that he didn’t deserve an awful friend like T.J.?! What if this space resulted in Cyrus completely cutting him off from his life?!

“T.J., I know what you’re probably thinking and I’m telling you now to stop thinking them.”

He groaned. “But, what if-.”

“T.J.” Buffy flashed him a pointed look. “You can’t rap your way out of this one.”

“I wasn’t planning on it!”

“Good. Now, you asked for my help, so listen up.”

He nodded, willing to do anything at this point.

“Have you been texting him? Calling?” she asked.

The question seemed random, but T.J. nodded ‘yes’ in answer.

“Okay. Then, we’ll start there. Basically, tone down on the texting and calling.”

T.J. wanted to protest. “But-.”

“The more you force yourself into his space, the more you’ll be pushing away.”

That made him pause. Thinking back on the last couple of days, he had been constantly calling and leaving messages and texting. He knew that he was probably really annoying, but he hated not talking to Cyrus.

“Give him time to think and to miss you.”

T.J. blinked. “Miss me?”

Buffy shrugged. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or so they say.” Her gaze softened and became kinder. “You don’t need to completely disappear on him. Just...let him know you’ll always be there waiting for him… when he’s ready.”

“How do I do that?”

Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess you can… say ‘hi’ to him when you see him in the halls, but don’t stop and have a conversation. Or… text him something random every few days, but not everyday like what you’ve been doing. And don’t expect a reply either. Just… give him space but also don’t ghost him. Does that make sense?”

Brows furrowed, T.J. nodded. “Kind of. I think.”

For the first time, Buffy smiled a little. “It will be okay, T.J. Don’t worry. Cyrus just needs a little time to himself. But, once things cool down, I’m sure he’ll be ready to talk to you. And you can tell him everything you told me.”

Time.

They just needed time.

T.J. wasn’t a patient guy by any means, but for Cyrus, he never minded waiting. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want space. He didn’t want Cyrus to forget him. He didn’t want to be away from him.

“Okay,” he finally gave in. “I’ll do it.”

Another day of school. Another day of learning. 

Cyrus was normally quite enthusiastic about school. He liked learning. But, the last few days, his mood was often too down for him to truly and enjoy the gift of knowledge that school gave him. 

He was always on his guard and no amount of strategic maneuvering could help him avoid accidentally running into or seeing T.J. and Kira in the halls. On the bright side, he didn’t share any classes with either of them, which he was grateful for.

He waved ‘hello’ to his locker buddy, Leo, before opening his own.

A piece of folded paper fluttered out and fell down to his feet.

Confused and curious, Cyrus picked it up and opened it.

He didn’t even have to read who it was from before he recognized the familiar handwriting: T.J.

T.J. had written him a note.

For a moment, Cyrus considered folding it up again, hiding it between his books, and forgetting about it. But, as he stared at the shakily-printed letters, he couldn’t bear to ignore it.

Cyrus,

I’m sorry. I don’t really know how else to start this letter but I really am sorry. I know I said it many times already and you’re probably really annoyed with me by now…

Cyrus chuckled a little.

…but I thought about it. And you’re right, we do need some space…

His chest twitched.

…so I’ll give it to you. I know I hurt you a lot and I won’t make excuses anymore. But, I need you to know that you were never a second or last resort to me. You were always first, but I messed up, so that’s on me.

The ball is in your court now, Cy. I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk to me again. But, I’ll always be here for you, if you need me. I’m not giving up on you.

I’m sorry again.

T.J.

He thought he would feel some sort of relief because T.J. was finally leaving him alone. But, if Cyrus was honest (and he was, most of the time), he didn’t really know what he was feeling when he reached the end of the letter.

T.J. said the ball was in his court now. Cyrus didn’t know too many basketball terms but, in a way, he knew that his friend (could he still call him that?) was letting him take the lead and be the one to decide when they would talk again.

When Cyrus was ready.

When would that be? How long would it be? Was T.J. willing to wait?

“Oohh, is that a love letter?” a new voice broke through his thoughts.

He turned his head to see another familiar blonde head, leaning against the locker next to his.

Cyrus managed a smile. “Hey, Reed.”

The other boy looked pointedly at the letter. “Who’s it from?”

He was so nosy but, for now, Cyrus didn’t mind sharing. “T.J.,” he replied, folding the paper up and slipping it in between some books.

Reed whistled. “A love letter from T.J. Nice.”

Cyrus flashed him a look, confused. “It’s not a love letter. It’s just him letting me know that he’s…giving me space.”

At that, the blonde’s eyes widened. “Space? Really?”

Cyrus hummed in confirmation.

“Costume day fight was that bad, huh?”

Reed has witnessed his frustration last Friday. Although Cyrus was surprised at how sympathetic he was, considering what happened the first time they met, he was also grateful.

Reed hadn’t meant to dress up in summer clothing (he claimed it was his everyday wear when it wasn’t cold out) but he offered to be the summer to Cyrus’ salt, even for just five minutes. They had even taken a photo together. For a brief five minutes last Friday, Cyrus felt a little relieved and happy.

He supposed they were friends now. Or maybe close acquaintances. And Reed did apologize.

Cyrus shook his head. “By the way, thanks for Friday.”

Reed shrugged. “It’s cool, man. It was a small thing. You know, to make up for everything.”

“Still. I really appreciated what you did for me.”

With one more smile for him, Cyrus turned back to his locker so he could start gathering his things for the day.

“So… what’s this about space? If there’s anything I know about you two is that you have zero space,” Reed chuckled.

Cyrus felt himself blush and cough. “We’re just… in a weird place, right now. After what happened, I just need space and… he’s giving it to me. That’s all.”

Reed hummed. “Wow. For real, I never thought I’d see you two apart. Ever.”

Cyrus tucked some notebooks into his bag. “Is it really that hard to believe? It’s not like we’re joined at the hip.”

“You kinda are.”

“Haha, very funny.”

“I’m serious.”

Cyrus chuckled as he closed his locker. “Sure. Anyway, I gotta get to homeroom.”

Reed pushed himself off the locker he was leaning against. “Can I walk you? Mine’s on the way.”

Shrugging, Cyrus allowed the blonde to fall into step beside him as they walked.

“So, get this,” Reed piped, enthusiastically. “Did you know the Shadyside Community Center offers ASL classes? And there’s an after-school program for deaf kids! It’s really cool, they offered to teach me while I was doing my community service and…”

And he babbled on and on and on.

Cyrus had no idea Reed was this chatty.

But, it was nice. It distracted him from thinking about the letter back in his locker.

Helpless and jealous but knowing he couldn’t do anything, T.J. simply stayed back, hiding behind a wall as he watched Cyrus and Reed walking away together.

How did things get up to this point?

He and Cyrus weren’t talking but Cyrus and Reed were?

Since Costume day, the two had been acting all friendly when the week before, they wouldn’t even look at each other in the eye.

Everything felt so unfair. 

It had only been a few days but he already missed him. T.J. missed him so much.

But, he promised Cyrus space. Even if he didn’t like it, he would do it. 

If it was the only way for his friend to forgive him, he would do it.

Chapter Text

The cafeteria lady placed a wrapped sandwich, a cup of fruit, and a carton of apple juice on his tray. Giving her a faint smile, T.J. thanked her before taking his food and heading to the basketball team’s table. 

He was barely halfway there when he spotted the familiar head of curly hair, sitting next to one of the Forwards, laughing with everyone.

His stomach churning with nausea, T.J. changed his course, heading for the back of the cafeteria, instead. There were some tables there, hidden behind some pillars and away from prying eyes.

He didn’t want to sit with the team right then. Or maybe for a while. Not while Kira was still trying to buddy-buddy her way in. She really couldn’t take a hint.

As he scanned the back for an empty table, his eye caught two familiar figures in a corner, sitting at a table by the trash cans.

T.J. hesitated but before he could turn around and find someplace else to eat his lunch (maybe the bathroom or a classroom), one of the figures raised his head and caught sight of him, his blue eyes connecting with T.J.’s own.

For a moment, they stared at each other, neither moving nor looking away.

The second figure spun around in his seat and saw him. Smiling kindly at him, he lifted a hand to wave.

Swallowing, T.J. returned the smile and approached, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Long time no see, Kippen,” Reed drawled out, smirking.

T.J. nodded. “Yeah.” He gestured to the empty spot beside Lester. “Can I sit with you, guys?”

Reed tilted his head in agreement while Lester scooted over to give him space.

For the first time in weeks, T.J. sat with his old friends.

After the whole gun issue, he had taken extra measures to avoid the two boys. They weren't bad kids, exactly. Stupid, sure. But, it wasn't like they went out of their way to do bad things and get in trouble. T.J., himself, was no angel. But, he was taking steps to change. Meeting and becoming friends with Cyrus made him want to become better. And the first step was to distance himself from trouble.

It seemed like his efforts were in vain. He still messed up and he still found himself sitting with the friends he abandoned in his quest to become a better person.

He cleared his throat as he unwrapped his sandwich. "So... what's up?"

Across from him, Reed chuckled. "Same old, same old. Except now, I'm a changed man. I don't play with my dad's guns anymore. Mostly because they’re all under lock and key and code now and he and my mom won’t let me near the Master’s Bedroom anymore. And I’m pretty sure they installed a camera in there so I’m not risking it, man."

He laughed again, somehow finding the humor in such a serious incident. That was Reed for you.

T.J. managed a strained smile before moving his attention to his sandwich and taking a bite. It was tuna salad. It tasted like nothing. Maybe it was just his mood.

“Hey, um, so I never apologized for, uh, last time.”

T.J. looked up to see Reed looking sheepish and, dare he say, a little guilty. Reed never felt guilty about anything – he was too proud for that.

“So, I’m sorry,” the other blonde boy continued, sounding sincere.

“Me too,” added Lester.

This was an interesting turn of events.

T.J. felt himself smile at both of them. They were idiots. But, they were his idiots (though he would never say that to their faces).

“Thanks. And… sorry for shoving you, man,” he said to Reed.

The other boy shrugged. “Nah, I deserved it. I shouldn’t have done it. And, don’t worry, Mom grounded me… after she threatened to divorce my Dad.” He chuckled again, shaking his head. “And… I apologized to Cyrus, too.”

T.J.’s eyes widened at that. “Yeah?”

Reed smiled. “Yeah. He’s a great guy, Teej.”

T.J. already knew that.

“What happened between you two, anyway?”

His chest twitched with guilt at the reminder.

“Stuff… happened,” was all he could say. “It’s… a little hard to explain.”

“It has something to do with the Kira chick, right? What’s the deal with her, anyway?”

T.J. took a sip of his apple juice before letting out a sigh. “She wants to join the team.”

“Your team?”

T.J. hummed.

“But, there’s a girl’s team now,” Lester pointed out.

“Buffy doesn’t want her on her team. Because of bad sportsmanship, I heard.”

“Sounds like the old you,” Reed laughed.

T.J glared at him. “That’s not me anymore.”

The other boy raised his hands in surrender. “Chill, man. I know you’re not.” His gaze softened. “Cyrus really did a number on you.”

To his embarrassment, T.J. flushed red. “He just… he believed in me.” His lips quirked into a small smile, remembering all of Cyrus’ encouragement and faith in him. “I didn’t want to let him down.” Cyrus’ devastated face flashed in his mind, making his smile dip into a frown. “But I did it, anyway. He hates me, now.”

His voice strained at that last sentence and he looked down at his food tray, lest the tears started falling in front of the two boys. He was sure they would make fun of him if he cried.

To his surprise, Reed only said, “He doesn’t hate you. Upset, yeah, but I don’t think he’s capable of hating you. Trust me. I talked to him this morning.”

T.J. finally raised his head. “Yeah, I saw you two.” He swallowed. “Is he okay?”

The other blonde hesitated, seeming to be contemplating his answer. “He… looks like he’s okay. But… I don’t think he actually is.”

T.J.’s heart fell at that. Cyrus didn’t deserve this. How could he do this to his best friend?! He was one of the only few people left who still believed in him and his capabilities! He trusted T.J. with everything and defended him at every turn!

And, once more, the guilt and anger at himself settled in his stomach, making him queasy. He didn’t feel like eating anymore.

“Hey, dude.” Reed’s call made him lift his head, but he refused to meet the other blonde’s eyes. “I know it’s bad, now. But, I’m sure things will be okay again.”

T.J. wished he could say that that made him feel better, but it only made him feel worse. He appreciated the attempt at making him feel better but, unfortunately, comfort was not Reed’s forte.

“Yeah, maybe. Thanks.”

He cleared his throat and opted to change the subject lest he really started crying.

“Anyway… How did your community service go?” he asked, instead.

Immediately, Reed pursed his lips in disgust. “Excruciating! They made me clean up the park! You know, pick up litter and plant some flowers and all that jazz. Do you know how much people litter?! And they don’t recycle! They’re so rude!” 

He huffed, looking personally offended by people’s horrendous trash disposal habits. “It wasn’t too bad towards the end, though. They took me off litter duty and had me do a few hours at the community center.” 

Then, all of a sudden, he just…grinned. “I met this cute girl during one of the activities,” he stated, excitedly. “She’s an artist and she does these cool murals and…”

And, with that, he droned on and on and on.

T.J. raised a brow in surprise. Subtly, he turned to Lester with a questioning gaze.

“He won’t shut up about her,” the brunette replied, quietly.

Wow. Reed must really like this girl. T.J. had never seen him so excited talking about someone before. It reminded him of… well… him whenever he talked about Cyrus. He was pretty sure he looked like that. All smiley and happy… unlike how he was now.

Shaking his head, T.J. listened to Reed go on and on about this girl. It provided a nice distraction from his stormy thoughts.

Cyrus was distracted. He barely touched his food and, instead, was staring somewhere else. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows scrunched in close examination.

Buffy was worried about him. The last few days had been really rough.

Beside her, Andi also noticed Cyrus’ far-off look. “Cy, you okay?” she asked.

Cyrus blinked a few times before looking back at them. “T.J.’s not sitting with the basketball team,” he simply said, looking confused.

That piqued Buffy’s curiosity. Spinning around in her seat, she locked her gaze on the team’s table. Andi did the same.

All the usual guys were there…with Kira. However, T.J., the Captain, was nowhere to be seen.

“That is weird,” she voiced out, frowning.

They continued to watch the team laughing or nodding along with whatever Kira was saying. She sure loved to talk.

“Do you think something happened?” Andi questioned.

“I don’t know,” Cyrus replied. “But, the last time T.J. didn’t sit with any of his friends was when… you know… the thing with Reed.”

Buffy remembered that day well. She remembered seeing T.J.’s hopeful face as he looked at Cyrus. She watched that hope die when she and Andi took Cyrus away. Honestly, she still of felt a little guilty for doing that, but she didn’t regret it. Her friends’ safety always came first.

And, even if she didn’t consider T.J. a friend, but she was just as worried and concerned for him, especially after he practically came begging to her for help the day before.

Determined, she got to her feet. “I’m gonna go talk to them,” she said in response to her friends’ questioning looks.

Head held high, she weaved her way down the aisles in between tables of lunching students. The team noticed her before she even got close.

One of the guys, Tony, grinned and stood up. “Driscoll! What’s up?” He extended his hand out which she slapped in response.

“Hey, guys,” she greeted them before schooling her features into that of nonchalance when she met Kira’s frown. “Kira.”

“What are you doing here?” the other girl huffed. “You’re not on this team anymore, remember?”

She was trying to get a rise out of Buffy, that was for sure.

Taking a deep breath and mentally reminding herself to calm down, Buffy simply smiled. “Well, I once was part of this team. You know, before I managed to make my own?”

If Kira’s looks could kill, Buffy would be a goner. Thankfully, they were not.

“But, I miss these dorks, sometimes.,” she continued, still beaming that her cheeks hurt. “We had some good times.”

All at once, the boys spoke up.

“We miss you, too, Slayer!”

“It’s not the same without you!”

“Your team should come by sometime and practice with us!”

“We went to your last game!”

Pleased, Buffy simply flashed Kira a neutral smile before turning back to the boys.

“Awww, you guys are so sweet! I’ll talk to T.J. about that practice, I think it would be good for the girls.”

She took another glance at Kira, who seemed to realize that she was losing the team’s attention. With an angry glare, she stood up.

“I have to go,” she said, gathering her things and picking up her tray. “The air here seems stuffy all of a sudden.”

Without another word, she walked off, making sure to bump Buffy’s shoulder in the process.

She resisted the urge to go after her and retaliate, in some way. But, right now, she had more important things to take care of.

“Anyway, speaking of T.J., where is he?” she asked, casually as she occupied the now vacant seat.

The boys shrugged.

“No idea,” one of them answered. “He didn’t have lunch with us.”

Pursing her lips, Buffy continued to prod. “So… he and Kira, huh?” she tried to sound nonchalant. “When did you guys start hanging out with her?

At this point, the boys gave each other looks, as if they were unsure if they should say anything.

Finally, the shooting guard, Freddie, decided to speak up. “She just kinda showed up last Friday at Costume Day. T.J. brought her.”

Tony scoffed. “More like she brought him.”

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. Interesting choice of words. “So… is T.J. letting her into the team?”

“Don’t think so,” Tony answered. “She’s been coming by practice, though, and I guess Teej is too nice now to make her leave. I mean, don’t get us wrong, she’s a great player but she’s kinda…”

“Pushy,” another player filled in.

The others nodded in agreement.

“Honestly, we like you better, Buffy.”

She couldn’t help but proudly puff her chest out at that.

“And Kira keeps following T.J. around and showing up wherever we are. I don’t know about you, but T.J. seems annoyed by it.”

“But, like Tony said, T.J.’s been too nice to tell her off.”

Too nice. That was a phrase she never thought someone would use to describe the boy’s team captain. But, he really had changed a lot since her days with the team.

And it was all because of Cyrus.

T.J. changed and made himself better because of Cyrus.

And, as much as it hurt her to even think about it, Buffy really was rooting for them to make up and leave this whole incident behind them.

A soft sigh left Cyrus’ lips, after hearing Buffy recount everything the boys’ basketball team had told her.

“I don’t know about you, guys, but I think Kira is definitely using T.J. to get on the team,” she continued as they walked away down the hall.

“For sure!” Andi agreed. “Can you believe how she’s acting like she’s friends with the whole basketball team when they think she’s actually… what did they call her, again? Bossy?”

“Pushy,” Buffy corrected. “But, pretty much.” She grinned. “They obviously like me better.”

“Everyone does,” Andi agreed.

Cyrus felt himself break into his first chuckle of the day. That got him both girls’ attention.

“Have you talked to him?” Andi asked, sounding concerned.

He shook his head. “No.” He pursed his lips. “But, I got a letter this morning.”

“What did it say?” Buffy asked.

He sighed again. “That he’s giving me space.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

His heart dropped to his stomach. “Yeah… I guess…”

“You don’t… sound happy about it,” Buffy continued to prod.

“Is anyone really happy to be not talking to their friend? I mean, just because I’m the one who asked for space doesn’t mean I’m enjoying it either. I just… need time.”

Andi walked closer to his side. “Are you still mad at him?”

A nerve on his forehead twitched. “I’m not mad.”

“Cyrus, you keep saying that you’re not mad but your actions say something else,” said Buffy.

“You don’t have to hide how you really feel about everything that happened,” Andi added. “You’re allowed to be mad, you know.”

Cyrus couldn’t help but think back on Costume Day. The moment he saw T.J. unzipping his hoodie to show the “Dribble” written across his shirt. How frozen and helpless and betrayed and so… pissed off he felt during those few minutes.

“Okay. Fine. Maybe I’m a little mad,” he confessed. “But, I’m also not mad. Ugh, it’s complicated! And I hate that I can’t just name exactly what I’m feeling right now because it’s a lot of different emotions!” He bit his lip, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I told him that I forgive him but I also can’t stop thinking about what he did. No matter what I do, I can’t let it go as easily as I usually do. And I don’t get it. I really… don’t get it. It’s… it’s a lot to take in.

Andi nudged his shoulder with hers. “But, you know we’re here for you, right?”

“Of course,” he replied, pausing. “You, guys, are my most trusted and bestest best friends. Nothing will ever change that.”

They both wrapped him in a tight hug and for a moment, Cyrus felt a little better.

The last few days weren’t easy for him emotion-wise, if he was honest. It was the first time in a while where he felt so genuinely hurt and unwanted that he didn’t know what to do with himself or how to act.

But, the girls never left his side.

“Anyway, we have English,” said his pixie-haired friend as they released him. “We’ll see you later?”

“Yeah.”

The two girls gave him one last wave before walking off together in another direction.

Sighing again, Cyrus turned a corner to get to the next hallway for his own class when he stopped in his tracks.

He stood there, frozen. 

T.J. was only a few feet away, talking to some guy he didn’t know. 

Cyrus’ heartbeat quickened and his palms got all sweaty. There was no time to leave the hallway and go a different route to his classroom. The bell was about to ring.

Then, the other guy left with a wave goodbye at T.J., who turned his head to the side just in time to see him.

They stood there, staring at each other. The air seemed thick and heavy around them. Cyrus wondered if T.J. felt the same way.

He thought his friend would walk over and say “hi”, maybe beg Cyrus to talk to him again, just like he had the last time they spoke face-to-face.

But, instead, the blonde just gave him a little smile and a tilt of his head in acknowledgment, before ducking into the classroom he was standing outside of.

Just like that, he was gone.

Stunned by this turn of events, Cyrus couldn’t move.

Maybe… just a small part of him… hoped that T.J. would try and talk to him.

But, he supposed this was for the best. And T.J. kept his promise to give him space.

Cyrus asked for this.

The bell rang, jolting him out of his reverie. He forced his legs to move, running down the hall to his classroom. He arrived just in the nick of time as his History teacher had also just reached the classroom.

Under his desk, he secretly opened his phone to type out a quick text message.

Thank you.

He debated adding more but decided against it and sent the text to T.J.

A minute or two passed before a response arrived.

It was a single smile emoji and nothing else.

Cyrus wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

Chapter Text

“I got an 8/10 on my Math quiz last week! Highest I’ve gotten this semester so far!”

Cyrus smiled at the string of smiling and rainbow emojis following the text. He was proud of T.J. He wished he could tell him in person, though. But, there was a stubborn part of him that didn’t want to give in.

Normally, Cyrus hated moments of silence when it came to people he cared about. It gave him anxiety and he often lost sleep due to thinking about the situation too much. He barely survived when Buffy stopped talking to him last year. 

But, this whole thing with T.J. brought out a petty side of him that rarely ever surfaced. He wasn’t pleased with it but after a few talks with his stepmother (a.k.a. therapy sessions), he knew that he was allowed to show his displeasure in any way he saw fit, granted that he didn’t hurt anyone, of course.

He wasn’t ready to face T.J. yet. And he was sure that the blonde was aware. Which was probably why he never pushed for a response from Cyrus.

It had been two and a half weeks since Costume Day. A week since T.J. agreed to give him space.

And space, he did give.

He never purposely sought Cyrus out. Whenever they happened to meet in the hallways, he would simply smile, wave, and move on. And he texted Cyrus sometimes – funny memes, important things that happened in school (like getting good grades in Math), and photos of kitties and puppies he happened to come across. He never called, though.

Cyrus was glad about that. He could resist a text but a call? Might be a little harder to ignore. He missed hearing T.J.’s voice.

“Hey, CyGuy!”

Cyrus turned his head to see Jonah approaching him with a hand lifted up in greeting.

“Hey, JB!”

Turning his phone off, he stuffed it back into his pocket before reaching into his locker and grabbing the notebook he needed. Together, the two walked to their next class together.

“You seemed happy back there,” the brunette casually stated. “Something good happen?”

Cyrus shrugged. “Nothing much, really,” he replied and left it at that.

Jonah hummed. “Oh, I saw T.J. this morning. He looked like he was in a good mood.”

“He got an eight out of ten in his Math quiz,” Cyrus replied, absentmindedly.

“Oh, are you two talking again?”

He shook his head, feeling himself release a soft sigh.

“Still mad at him?”

Cyrus shook his head, again. “I’m not mad, anymore,” he replied, honestly.

“Oh. If you’re not, then you should just talk to him!” Jonah beamed, his dimples deeper than a well.

Oh, Jonah. Handsome, sweet, but naïve Jonah.

“It’s not that simple,” Cyrus explained. “I’m not mad and I forgive him for what happened. But, that doesn’t mean I can just forget about it.”

“I didn’t think you’d be the type to hold a grudge.”

“I’m not holding a grudge.” Cyrus sighed. “I’ll talk to him, eventually.”

“And… When would that be?”

Now, that was the million-dollar question.

For the past two weeks or so, T.J. had done a pretty good job of avoiding Cyrus.

It was difficult, at first. Excruciating, in fact. 

Whenever he saw the brunette in the halls, all he wanted was to run up to him and talk to him or give him a high five or pull him in for a hug or even just say “hi”. But, he made a vow to give Cyrus what he needed. So, T.J. persevered and managed, somehow.

Sometimes, though, he couldn’t resist and would end up sending Cyrus a text or a meme. The other boy never answered but to T.J., being left on “Read” was better than being ignored, completely. (Or, God forbid, blocked!)

Sighing to himself, he finished washing his hands and drying them with a coarse paper towel. Jefferson should really invest in better paper towels for the school bathrooms.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he smoothed a stray hair back in its place before nodding in satisfaction.

He pushed the bathroom door open, but it bounced back as he hit something. T.J. heard an “oof!” followed by the sound of books and papers falling to the floor.

“Sorry about that, I didn’t see...” He froze in place.

Cyrus was standing there, looking like a deer in headlights, his eyes widening further when T.J. revealed himself.

“Hi,” the blonde couldn’t resist.

A beat or two passed.

“Hi,” Cyrus replied, almost shyly.

They stood there, awkwardly, for a moment before T.J. realized Cyrus’ things were still on the floor. Crouching down, he began to gather them up for him. Picking up a thin stack of stapled paper, he spied the bright red “A” on top of it along with the class and teacher. Grinning, he stood up and handed the things over to the still-stunned boy.

“Congrats on your history paper,” he said, sincerely.

Cyrus sheepishly accepted the paper and his notebooks. “Thanks. Um, you too. On your Math quiz, I mean.”

“Thanks,” T.J. replied, his heart picking up its space.

He never realized how much he missed Cyrus’ voice until he was hearing it directly for the first time in days. But, the light and comfortable atmosphere that usually accompanied their interactions were gone now, replaced by awkwardness and the looming reminder that mistakes were made.

T.J. made mistakes and he was horribly paying for them.

“I miss you,” he confessed in a whisper.

He wasn’t even sure if Cyrus heard. The other boy seemed like he was out of his headspace, just staring at T.J. like he had two heads.

Maybe telling him that he missed him was too much at the moment. Cyrus was caught off-guard. And maybe he was still mad. T.J. didn’t want to give him any more reasons to avoid him.

“Cyrus?” he called out.

Cyrus blinked. “Oh… um…” He still seemed out of it.

“Long day?” T.J. asked.

“Yeah…”

“Well, take it easy, okay? Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Cyrus nodded, dazed. T.J. really hoped he was doing better. He knew he was the reason his friend might not be getting enough rest, but he had hoped that this space would have allowed him, too.

T.J. would just have to try harder.

“Okay, I’ll see you around then, Cyrus.”

He forced himself to walk around the other boy, using every bit of self-control he had not to turn around and look back.

“I miss you…”

Those words sent his heart into a frenzy.

“I miss you, too,” Cyrus heard himself say.

To the blonde boy’s shock and Cyrus’ own, he felt himself drop his things, march forward, and plant his lips to T.J.’s.

“Cyrus?”

He blinked.

T.J. was still standing across from him. Cyrus still had his hands wrapped around his notebooks. And no kiss had occurred.

“Oh… um…”

He never told T.J. he missed him, too.

“Long day?”

He never kissed T.J.

“Yeah…”

But, it felt so real.

“Well, take it easy, okay? Don’t push yourself too hard.”

He imagined himself kissing T.J.

“Okay.”

It wasn’t real.

“I’ll see you around then, Cyrus.”

T.J. walked around him and it took everything in him not to call him back.

Why did Cyrus imagine that? Why did he feel so disappointed when he realized it was all in his head? Why did he wish that it happened?

It wasn’t like he liked T.J. that way.

The blonde was always a great friend to him. He made him feel happy and safe. He felt like he could do anything if T.J. was by his side. That was why it hurt so bad when he chose Kira over him. That was why it pained Cyrus to apart from him while he recovered from that ordeal.

Why was his heart beating so fast?

Cyrus continued to ponder on it in the days to come. He often felt himself lose concentration, staring off into space as his brain replayed that imagination over and over again. Part of him had hoped to run into T.J. again, believing that maybe seeing his blonde friend would give him the answer to a question he didn’t even know laid inside him.

Did he like T.J. that way?

He hadn’t officially liked a guy since Jonah. Sure, he found some of them cute and attractive. Cyrus would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t once think of T.J. as a handsome guy with a killer smile. And, maybe Cyrus had a thing for athletes, but that didn’t mean he liked his friend as more than a friend, right?

He had been there, done that, right?

Again, he was lost in his thoughts. So lost that he barely heard the faint voice calling out to him.

“Goodman!”

He jerked his head to the side, the voice alone making goosebumps crawl up his skin, and not the pleasant kind.

Kira was standing there next to his open locker, looking at him with a confused face, one eyebrow raised.

“What do you want?” he asked, unable to stop the snark from invading his tone.

Kira noticed too since she chuckled. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Cyrus rolled his eyes and turned back to his locker. “Just tell me what you want. Buffy is practice right now, if you’re looking for her.”

“I’m not. I’m actually...Looking for T.J.”

Cyrus turned his head to look at her, curiously.

“You seen him?” she continued, looking uncomfortable.

“Why are you asking me? Aren’t you two hanging out now?”

His question must have been expected. She looked defensive, all of a sudden.

“Yeah,” she stated. “We are. We’re really close,” she emphasized.

Cyrus just tilted his head. “Okay.”

“But, he hasn’t been sitting with us at lunch. And I need to talk to him about something important.”

“I don’t know where he is,” Cyrus replied, honestly and maybe with a little hard edge to his tone.

Kira huffed in annoyance. “Fine. I’ll look for him, myself.”

She moved to leave.

“Wait.”

She stopped in her tracks, eyebrows raised at him.

Gently, Cyrus closed his locker door before facing her. “I have to ask you something.”

“Okay?”

For a moment, Cyrus hesitated. He wasn’t a confrontational person and he hated conflict. But, this had been nagging at him since the first time T.J. explained himself.

He gathered his nerve. “What did you say to T.J.?”

The girl furrowed her brows. “What are you talking about?”

For a second, Cyrus lost his nerve. He reaaaaaally hated confrontations. But, then, he remembered how upset T.J. looked when he admitted that he did want to do the costume with him, but Kira said something that freaked him out and made him go back on his word.

What could she have possibly said that made his normally confident and strong-headed friend so scared and upset?

“On Costume Day,” he finally managed. “T.J. and I had plans, but he changed his mind at the last minute.”

Kira huffed, smirking. “Are you seriously blaming me that T.J. ended up wanting to do a costume with me instead of you?”

A hit to his self-esteem.

Cyrus chose to ignore it. “I’m not blaming you, I’m asking. T.J. wouldn’t bail on me without a good reason. What did you say to him?”

Kira shrugged. “Nothing that wasn’t true. Besides, you should be thanking me. I saved you both from embarrassing yourselves.”

Confused, Cyrus asked, “What are you talking about?”

The girl snorted. “Two guys doing a couples costume? What do you think people are gonna say about that? Do you want people to think you’re dating or something?”

Cyrus’ stomach churned with nausea.

Was that what T.J. was worried about? Looking like he was dating Cyrus when he wasn’t?

He felt like throwing up.

“I just told T.J. what I saw because, for some weird reason, he seems to really like you. And you know what? He made the right decision in the end. I mean, you got to do your stupid little group costume with your friends, right? Besides, you don’t want people to get the wrong idea, do you?”

A lump formed in his throat. “The wrong idea?” he managed, albeit shakily. “What wrong idea? That people would think I’m gay? Or that T.J. is?”

Kira shrugged, nonchalantly. “Yeah.”

Cyrus could feel himself shaking now. “And what’s wrong with being gay? Why is it other people’s business if two guys want to dress up in matching costumes? We weren’t doing anything wrong. Why would that be an issue?”

Caught off-guard at his response, Kira appeared to stumble in her response.

But, Cyrus didn’t give her a chance.

“There’s nothing shameful about me and T.J. doing a costume together. It meant something to us. To our friendship.”

He involuntarily took a step towards her and even though she was at least half a head taller than he was, he didn’t feel intimidated. Surprised at his move, Kira stepped back.

“And how dare you make T.J. feel like he should be ashamed of that? How dare you think you can butt into our business and make assumptions that I would be happy that you made T.J. feel awful and made me feel like he didn’t care about me, when in fact, he does! He always did. He was upset and guilty and I didn’t understand why because I thought he did it on purpose when, in fact, you put thoughts in his head that shouldn’t have been there in the first place!”

Shocked, Kira opened her mouth to reply but no words came out.

At this point, Cyrus knew he was close to tears. He hadn’t felt such anger and frustration and utter fury towards anyone before. But, it finally occurred to him that maybe T.J. wasn’t the issue. It was never T.J.

It was Kira.

Catching her eye, Cyrus steeled his gaze. “You know why Buffy didn’t want you on her team? Because you’re selfish, Kira. All you ever cared about was yourself. You say T.J. is your friend but you don’t care about him. You don’t care about anyone. And that’s a million times worse than people thinking you’re gay.”

With his head held high, Cyrus didn’t spare her another glance as he walked away.

His heart was beating hard and fast against his chest, the adrenaline still in his veins.

There was a part of him that was terrified of what he just did. Now, Kira definitely had a good reason to believe he was gay. Part of him was anxious that she would use it against him and out him to the school. But, another part of him didn’t care if she did because he wasn’t ashamed of who he was.

Most of the people he cared about already loved and accepted him. He knew they would always have his back. He had nothing to fear.

But… there were still a few who had no idea this part of him existed.

At The Spoon, hanging out with the girls, later that afternoon, his thoughts were still swirling. The adrenaline had long ago left his body so he was able to think more rationally. 

He hadn’t told the girls what happened with Kira yet. But, he was sure the questions were soon to come. He had been too distracted since the moment he sat down and missed most of the conversation.

“Cy? You okay?” Andi’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Ahh, there it was.

Cyrus looked up at the two girls flashing him worried looks from the other side of the booth. His girls.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” he started, twirling his milkshake with the straw.

“Yeah?” Buffy questioned, furrowing her brows.

He smiled. “I think I want to come out to my parents.”

T.J. yawned as he dragged himself to his locker. Another almost sleepless night. He maybe got five hours in, which was better but he felt like he still needed more.

As he opened the locker door, still half-asleep, he registered the many voices speaking around him. Everyone seemed especially chatty that morning.

“You heard about it too?” he heard someone say to his right.

“Yeah, I can’t believe it! You think it’s real?”

“Everyone says it’s real! There’s a gay kid in the 8th grade!”

The book made a loud ‘thud’ as it made contact with the floor.

T.J. found himself frozen and unable to move. 

Chapter Text

Cyrus spun around on his heels with hands splayed to the sides, trying to look cool and chic. 

“What do you girls, think?” he asked, cheekily.

Andi laughed. “You really outdid yourself!”

Cyrus beamed. “And I have you, my lady, to thank for it!”

He gestured, with a flourish, to his outfit. He was wearing all white and rainbow… A LOT of rainbow.

His shirt had a giant printed rainbow emblazoned across his chest (he’s had it for months already but didn’t have an opportunity to wear it until now). His white jeans had a little rainbow patch stitched on the right thigh, courtesy of Andi. And the new pair of white sneakers on his feet were hand painted rainbow, also courtesy of Andi. Wrapped around his wrist was a threaded bracelet (which he made himself and assisted by, duh, Andi) with the word “PRIDE” displayed front and center with colors of the rainbow. His book bag was also decorated with various rainbow pins and ribbons. 

Basically, Cyrus looked like a rainbow ate him up and spat him out. If he could, he would have also painted a rainbow on his face or dyed his hair rainbow (using washable hair dye spray, of course!) but he didn’t want to get in trouble with Dr. Metcalf or spend time after school scrubbing it all off.

Besides, subtlety spoke louder, right?

As he walked down the halls with the girls, head held high and his steps confident, he could see everyone staring… whispering… even, pointing (how rude!)

Times have changed. Kids in their grade were surely smart and knew what all the rainbow he was wearing meant. And he was proud of it. 

There was no need to hide himself anymore. His closest friends knew. All four of his parents now knew. And they all loved and accepted him. He was no longer going to waste any time worrying about what everyone else thought.

(Though, to be honest, a part of him was still scared and nervous, coming out like this. Who wouldn’t be? They still lived in a pretty small and conservative town, after all.)

“Whoaaa, did a unicorn throw up on you?” his locker buddy Leo asked when Cyrus arrived at his locker.

The taller boy’s mouth was open, eyes wide in surprise.

Cyrus simply smiled in response and shrugged as he put in his combination. “Felt like flaunting my gayness today,” he said, casually.

No transition. No getting himself ready. No preparing for backlash. Just simply stating a fact.

It took Leo a second to respond. “Oh,” was all he said.

Cyrus chose not to look at him as he grabbed the things he needed for the day.

“Yeah… That… makes sense,” Leo finished.

Cyrus turned to see the other boy looking thoughtfully at the air as he nodded to himself, like he just discovered the answer to a question he had been pondering.

Maybe Cyrus wasn’t as subtle as he thought.

Well, that just made things a little easier.

Leo closed his locker and bid him goodbye and a good day.

Cyrus exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

It was gonna be a long day.

He could do this, right?

For as long as he could remember, T.J. knew he was supposed to like girls. That was “normal”, according to everyone around him. Even as a kid, family friends and relatives would tell him that when he got older, he was gonna break many girls’ hearts.

Now that he was older, T.J. could say that he did break a few girls’ hearts because he would always say “no” to them or tell them he didn’t like them in the same way.

So, they weren’t too far off from the truth.

But, that was the thing. He never liked a girl. He couldn’t even remember ever liking a girl. Sure, he thought they were pretty, but he never really liked a girl. And he didn’t really understand that, at first. 

Boys around him would talk about their crushes, but T.J. couldn’t relate to the so-called quick heartbeats, the blushing, the bubble of joy, the deep need to impress…not until Cyrus.

For T.J., realizing that he liked Cyrus as more than a friend reminded him of the time when he was 7 and his uncle threw him into the pool when he wasn’t ready. At first, he flailed around, confused and panicked because he couldn’t keep his head above the water and he kept going under. And, then, somehow, he just figured out how to float. So, for a while, he did that and it was a ton of fun. But, at that point, he still hadn’t completely figured out how to swim, yet.

Hearing rumors about the possible gay kid in his grade made him feel like he was drowning in that pool again.

Everywhere T.J. went, he felt like people were looking at him or talking about him or judging him. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop thinking about those rumors. Surely, it wasn’t him they were referring to, right? He hadn’t even figured things out about himself yet!

In the morning, he wandered around in between his classes until he found Kira outside a classroom, animatedly chatting with some girls.

A pit of dread grew in his stomach (it was an automatic reaction now whenever he saw her in his line of vision) but he forced his feet to move forward.

“We need to talk,” he stated as a way of greeting.

Kira lit up when she saw him. “I’ll see you, guys, later,” she said to the girls before turning her attention back to him. “Kippen, nice to see you remember that I exist. Where have you been the last two weeks?”

T.J. ignored the question. “Did you tell everyone?” he demanded.

Her brow scrunched in confusion. “What?”

Was she really trying to play dumb?!

“That rumor!” he hissed.

“What… rumor?”

T.J. resisted the urge to pull his hair out in frustration. “That rumor about…” He swallowed, nervously. “T-The gay kid,” he finished, his voice breaking.

Kira raised an eyebrow. “Oh, that one. Yeah, I heard about it. Why?”

Was she serious?!

“Was it you?” he seethed between his teeth. “Did you start that rumor?

She looked offended. “Um, no?

T.J. scoffed. “Why do I not believe you?”

The girl’s eyes widened in alarm. “Because it’s true? I didn’t do anything! I heard about it from someone else today!”

The churning in T.J.’s stomach refused to settle.  

“Then why is everyone saying there’s a gay kid in the 8th grade?!”

“How would I know? And what’s it to you, anyway?” Kira continued, looking and sounding annoyed. “It’s not like it’s about you.”

Almost instantly, T.J. felt something unpleasant rise up in his throat and found himself mentally calculating how fast he could run to the nearest bathroom. Subconsciously, he moved his hand over his stomach, slowly breathing through his nose as he tried to make the flip-flopping stop.

The look on his face must have tipped Kira off on something because she scrunched her brows as she stared at him.

“Is it?” she asked.

T.J. opened his mouth but no words came out and his tongue was tied.

“Are you gay?!” she practically shrieked. 

T.J. finally found his voice. “No,” he blurted out.

The discomfort in his stomach worsened and his chest ached.

Kira raised a suspicious eyebrow. “So, you’re not gay?”

“I-I…”

He wanted to say no, he wasn’t gay. To hide from judging eyes. To just be normal.

But, what exactly was “normal” supposed to even look like? Why did it feel so wrong? Why did he feel like such a coward? A liar? A fake?

“I… I don’t know,” was what he ended up saying, looking down at the floor.

But, he did know. He knew. From the moment he laid eyes on brown hair, brown eyes, and a cute mole on a pale cheek, he knew.

“But… you’re a jock!” she exclaimed in disbelief.

“Does that matter?” he replied, voice strained.

When he looked up, Kira’s gaze had surprisingly softened. “I didn’t know,” she said, softly. “I… I really didn’t say anything, T.J. I swear.”

He wanted to believe her.

“Then why did you say those things?” he questioned, finding a small burst of courage. “When you were trying to get me to do the costume with you. I told you ‘no’ twice, Kira. But, you kept insisting.”

Kira turned her head away, not meeting his eyes.

Was she feeling guilty?

He hoped she was.

“You asked me if I would rather do a costume with Cyrus than with you. If I would rather do a costume with a boy than a girl. You know what you were implying!”

“I… I didn’t mean it like that…” Kira replied, her voice breaking. “I… I really didn’t know.’

T.J. let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh, really? So you just said cause you felt like it? You wanted me to be embarrassed about my decision to do a costume with Cyrus, my best friend? You wanted me to feel like it was wrong and-.”

Kira’s head shot up. “I didn’t!” She was shaking her head. “I... I mean… Okay, maybe I did want you to feel a little embarrassed about it but not like that! I just wanted you to do the costume with me! I didn’t mean to make you feel that way!”

She stepped closer to T.J., reaching out with a hand to grab his own but he backed away.

“I don’t believe you,” he coldly stated.

Kira swallowed. “Look, I know that I…” Her voice began to break. “I know that I’m not the nicest person around but I wouldn’t… I would never… I… I’m not that bad of a person, I just… I didn’t mean… that.”

T.J. couldn’t stand to look at her anymore. He had to get away.

Without even a word of goodbye, he spun on his heels and walked off in the other direction.

“T.J., I really didn’t mean it like that!”

Her words fell on deaf ears.

Whether she meant to or not, she had put thoughts in his head. But, it wasn’t entirely her fault. He made the decision in the end. And he regretted it.

Everything was wrong.

Whether she was telling the truth or not, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

But, now, he couldn’t help but wonder.

Who was the gay kid in their school? Could he possibly meet him and ask questions?

T.J. never really took the time to really think about his sexuality or his feelings for Cyrus. Maybe it was time to stop hiding in the shadows and really figure things out this time.

For Cyrus…and for himself.

In her entire 14 years of life, Buffy never really thought Cyrus would become the center of attention at school. Her best friend hated having the spotlight on him (except on rare occasions like his birthday, Hanukkah, and A-cing a huge test) and preferred to blend in. But, now though, he seemed to bask in the stares and whispers of their schoolmates, pointing at all of his rainbow apparel.

He looked lighter…and free.

Buffy had never seen him glow like this before. It was a refreshing sight. All she and Andi ever wanted was for Cyrus to be happy.

The news had spread rapidly like wildfire but, so far, no one had said anything negative. (And if they did, she would personally take care of it.)

The three of them were gathered at Andi’s locker during a free period, chatting. Cyrus was animatedly relaying a funny incident from Science class while Andi swapped her books for her afternoon classes.

From the corner of her eye, Buffy spied a familiar face.

She subtly turned her head to see T.J. a couple of feet away, wide-eyed and staring at them. Or, more specifically, staring at Cyrus. She could practically see the gears turning in his blonde head as his eyes moved from Cyrus’ rainbow shirt to the rainbow patch on his jeans, skimming briefly on the rainbow bracelet around Cyrus’ wrist and the pins on his book bag, until they reached the rainbow-painted shoes.

Buffy tried to read T.J.’s face, to see what he thought of Cyrus being out and proud like this. Whenever he thought no one was looking, T.J. Kippen was pretty easy to read.

And right then, she could see a myriad of emotions flicker across his face, one after the other.

Confusion.

Apprehension.

Realization.

Hope?

And back to apprehension.

Buffy observed all these with interest. Meanwhile, the other two didn’t seem to notice her distraction, too engrossed in Cyrus’ story.

She caught the gaze of green eyes, looking pleadingly at her.

“Hey, I gotta go,” she announced.

Her friends finally paused their conversation to look at her.

“Where?” Andi asked, her nose twitching.

Before Buffy could come up with an excuse, Cyrus jumped right in.

“Are you gonna go see Marty? Is this gonna be a thing now? I mean, we approve but still, you’re not gonna forget us, are you?”

Buffy’s brow raised. “Suuure,” she managed, amused. “I’ll catch you guys, later!”

By now, T.J. was gone, probably hiding to make sure Cyrus didn’t see him, which Buffy appreciated because she didn’t know how to explain why she was talking to the blonde. Technically, neither Cyrus nor Andi knew that T.J. had come to Buffy for help.

The basketball Captain was waiting for her in a nook by the staircase, his back against the wall.

“Hey,” he greeted. “How’s Cyrus?”

She could feel her nose flaring. “Cyrus is great. I’m fine too, thanks.”

T.J.’s lips twitched to a small smile. “He looked better back there.”

Her heart softened. “Yeah, he is.”

T.J. swallowed. “The rumor… is it about him?”

“Wow, digging right to the point, aren’t we?”

“I just… I need to know.”

His voice held a tone of desperation and Buffy wondered why. How would he react if she told him the truth? Would his view of Cyrus change? She didn’t really think it would; their friendship was too deep for something like this to get in the way of it. Still, though, a part of her felt unsure. Was it even her place to tell?

“Would it change how you see him if it is?” she asked, instead.

“I…” he trailed off, lost for words.

He seemed conflicted, like a million thoughts were running through his head. And lost… he looked so lost.

The last time she had seen him like this was back during Cyrus’ Bar Mitzvah party when he told her about what the Fortune Teller said about his dyscalculia.

And Cyrus was right – T.J. did kind of look like a puppy. A sad, kicked puppy.

She couldn’t help but pity him a little and there was this part of her that wanted to help so desperately, and not just for Cyrus. If you had told her last year that she would be willing to help out her biggest nemesis make up with her best friend (twice!), she would have laughed in your face and told you to shut up and stop dreaming.

“Why don’t you talk to Cyrus yourself?” she said, gently. “It’s been weeks, I’m sure he would love to hear from you in person.” She paused before adding, “He misses you. He’s not saying it, but I know he does.”

As if the words were light shining down on him, T.J. perked up. “Really?”

Buffy had to smile. “Yeah.”

“I miss him, too.”

Of course, he did. That fact was obvious to anyone who knew T.J. and Cyrus. (Andi and maybe Jonah would say the same thing.)

Now, if only they would stop being so stubborn and just talk to each other again! The silence and longing looks were driving Buffy nuts!

“Talk to him,” she said again, firmly. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

She nodded before turning on her heels and beginning to walk away.

“Wait! That rumor… is it true?”

Shaking her head at his stubbornness, Buffy looked over her shoulder. “It’s not my place to say so just talk to him.”

Before T.J. could call her back again, she quickened her pace.

She had done what she could. The rest was up to them now – her best friend and her ex-nemesis.

She should get a reward for being the most supportive friend ever.

The news about Cyrus being gay was surprisingly accepted with little opposition. Sure, a few boys swerved the other direction when they saw him walking towards them all dressed up in his rainbow regalia and a few girls whispered amongst themselves when he passed them. But, for the most part, people either walked up to him to tell him they support him or just treated him like they normally did.

He didn’t know if he just happened to go to a school with open-minded and accepting kids or if he just simply got lucky that they didn’t care as much. He was pretty sure this didn’t happen to every gay kid who just came out of the closet at his age, so he just counted his blessings and whispered a prayer of thanks to the great power above.

By the end of the school day, Cyrus was feeling pretty jovial. Humming under his breath, he grabbed his things from his locker and headed out the school doors to go home, a light skip in his steps.

Andi had art club, Buffy was at practice, and Jonah was meeting Amber for an after-school date. So, he was all alone for the afternoon but he was fine with that. He was in too good of a mood.

Exiting the doors, he made a move to head for the bus stop when, from the corner of his eye, he spotted a familiar blonde head.

T.J. was sitting on a bench, staring off into space and looking like he was lost in thought.

Slowing down, Cyrus found himself pausing in his tracks. The last time he saw the blonde was when they ran into each other outside the boys’ bathroom last week.

When he imagined telling T.J. that he missed him and then kissed him.

Cyrus hadn’t stopped thinking about that. He still hadn’t figured out if he liked T.J. that way. It took him maybe a day or two to figure out he liked Jonah, but with T.J.? He was struggling and he didn’t know why.

Before he was aware of what he was doing, his feet were already moving. Soon, he found himself in front of the blonde, who looked up and blinked a few times at the sight of him.

“Hey,” he greeted, a tad bit nervously.

T.J. quickly got on his feet. “Hey. Hi. Cyrus,” he stammered, sounding nervous.

Cyrus couldn’t stop his lips from twitching. “You looked so deep in thought, I was wondering where your head went,” he joked.

T.J. chuckled. “Yeah, I kind of have a lot on my mind, lately.” He bit his lip before swallowing. “Can we talk? Please? If you’re fine with it, I mean. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but… I’d really like you to… I mean, it’s not a big deal if you don’t and…”

He was rambling. T.J. only did that when he was really nervous.

It was kinda cute but also worrying.

“T.J.,” Cyrus interrupted, gently.

The blonde silenced, looking hopeful.

Smiling, Cyrus gestured to the bench. “Can I sit with you?”

Immediately, T.J. nodded. “Of course. Always. Anytime.”

The two settled on the bench, a couple inches of space between them.

It felt kind of strange. In the past, they had no qualms about sitting so close that they were practically arm-to-arm. But, now, even if Cyrus wanted to scoot over and close that gap, he couldn’t find the will to move.

“How have you been?” T.J. asked.

“Good,” he answered, calmly. “How about you?”

“I’m good, too.”

“Good.”

The follow-up silence was deafening. Cyrus didn’t know what to say and, apparently, neither did T.J. They could see the school doors from where they sat. Some students were still around whereas others were leaving. No one paid the boys on the bench any mind.

“You said you wanted to talk,” Cyrus finally stated, hoping he didn’t come off as aggressive.

T.J. cleared his throat. “Right, right. Sorry. I, uh, had something to ask you.”

He quieted for a moment, as if he was thinking about what to say or if he should continue.

Cyrus was impatient, but he tried not to push it. He was resolved, right there and then, that if T.J. apologized and asked for forgiveness again, he would accept this time. He couldn’t help it – he missed his friend.

“The rumors…about the gay kid in our grade…”

Cyrus felt himself go cold as a pit in his stomach formed.

T.J.’s gaze locked with his. “Is it you?”

Chapter Text

“The rumors… about the gay kid in our grade… is it you?”

Cyrus felt himself swallowing the lump in his throat as the pit of unease in his stomach grew with each passing second.

Why did it feel so easy just blurting it out and casually confirming for people he barely knew? But, when it came to those close and important to him, he was tongue-tied?

Of course, he knew why. It was the fact that they were so important to him and he couldn’t bear to lose them. Their opinion mattered the most.

If they didn’t accept him…

If T.J. couldn’t accept him…

The blonde was still watching him, closely. Almost, anticipatory. Cyrus wondered what was going on in his head.

He turned away, dreading his friend’s reaction. “Y-Yes,” he managed, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat. “The rumor is about me. It’s true.” He swallowed again. “I’m gay, T.J.”

He heard T.J. take a breath. Risking a look, Cyrus peeked at him from the corner of his eye.

“Oh,” was all the blonde said.

Cyrus’ heart dropped to his stomach.

The silence that hung above their heads was suddenly too loud. Cyrus’ fingers clutched at the fabric of his pants, his own nails digging into his knee. The empty space between them felt like an ocean all of a sudden.

T.J.’s hands were in fists, knuckles white at how tight he curled them. “Did Buffy know?” he asked in a whisper.

Cyrus swallowed. “She was the first to know.”

“Andi?”

“I told her at my Bar Mitzvah.”

“And… what about Jonah?”

His fingers drummed a rhythm against his knee. “During Bubbe Rose’s Shiva. Before you arrived.”

T.J. closed his eyes. “So, all of them knew. But, you didn’t tell me.”

“It… wasn’t the right time. I wanted to tell you. But…There was too much going on and I…” Cyrus took a deep breath. “I guess I was afraid of how you might react. Not everyone is accepting, you know.”

The blonde opened his eyes and turned to him. “Is that what you think I would do? That I wouldn’t accept you?”

Cyrus swallowed again. “T.J., you left me hanging during Costume Day because Kira implied that it was wrong for two boys to have matching costumes. What am I supposed to think after that?”

His words seemed to strike a chord.

T.J.’s jaw clenched and he looked away again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. And I forgive you. And, now, you know the truth. What happens next?”

“I…” T.J. unclenched his fists, wiping his palms on his jeans before settling them on bench’s surface on either side of him. “I just want you back. I miss you.”

Cyrus’ heart clenched.

“Everything that happened at Costume Day was one huge mistake. I was… a coward. I just wanted to protect myself but in the process, I hurt you. And that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do. You’re too important to me. But… as usual… I messed up. I ruined everything. And… I don’t know how to bounce back from this.” He turned back to look at Cyrus, his face full of sorrow. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I also don’t want to lose you. Cyrus, I… I…”

He paused, biting his lip.

“What is it?” Cyrus prodded, gently.

T.J. looked away and murmured something under his breath.

The brunette furrowed his brows. “Sorry, I didn’t get that.”

“I… I like you…”

Cyrus chuckled. “I like you too. You’re one of my best friends.”

At that response, T.J. suddenly looked pained. His knuckles gripped the bench underneath them, tightly. “No… Not like that… I mean, you’re one of my best friends too. But, Cyrus…” He flashed him a brief look. “I like you…”

After saying those words, he looked down at his shoes again.

It took a beat or two for the words to truly sink in and make sense. But, when Cyrus finally realized what the blonde meant, the blood rushed to his cheeks and his heartbeat began to quicken.

“O-Oh.”

What a lame response.

T.J. chuckled. “Yeah.”

Cyrus swallowed. “You like me?”

“Mmhmm.”

He twiddled his fingers. “Really?”

“Yeah.” T.J.’s small grin then fell and he looked distressed once more. He still couldn’t look at Cyrus. “I… I don’t really know if I’m gay or what,” he admitted, softly. “I’m still so confused and… and I guess Kira figured it out, somehow. Or had a hunch, I don’t know. She told me she didn’t know but I don’t know if I believe her.” He huffed. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. Everything already happened and there’s no way for me to take back what I did. But, I know one thing is true.”

Cyrus waited with bated breath, his heart absolutely refusing to calm down. Was he getting a panic attack? No, it wasn’t anything like that. But, he was definitely nervous.

T.J. finally looked at him, his pretty green eyes meeting Cyrus’ own, and the brunette could see the soft adoration and affection in those irises.

“I like you a lot, Cyrus,” he confessed again. “Since the moment I met you, I knew that you were someone I wanted in my life.” He bit his lip. “But… I’m honestly just… so confused about everything. About what I feel for you. And… it’s kind of… scaring me.”

Cyrus’ heart ached in his chest. He knew how that felt. He knew exactly what T.J. was going through. And he had no idea. He suddenly felt like a horrible friend for not noticing that T.J. was suffering too. Unlike Cyrus, who had Buffy and Andi and Jonah, T.J. didn’t have anyone to turn to.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Without thinking about it, he reached out and placed a hand over T.J.’s. The blonde flinched in surprise. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, Cyrus moved to pull his hand away.

T.J. didn’t let him, grasping his fingers tightly.

The action made the brunette blush but he shook away the thoughts. T.J. needed a friend right then.

He needed Cyrus.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, gently smiling at the other boy. “And I know how you feel. I was there once. And it took time to really get comfortable with who I am. So, you don’t have to rush, T.J. You don’t need to come out now or even label yourself. Just… be you. You’re no different.”

He echoed Buffy’s words from a long time ago and they were truer than ever.

T.J. flashed him a small smile before it was, once again, replaced by an anxious frown.

“I’m scared, Cyrus,” he whispered, his voice trembling.

Cyrus held his hand tighter. “I know you are. But, I’m here now. I accept you, T.J., no matter what.”

“I’m sorry. After everything Kira said…”

“There will always be people like Kira.” Cyrus held his tongue from saying anything more than that. “But there are also people like Andi and Buffy. People who will love you and accept you – all of you.”

“I’m scared of what I’m feeling for you,” T.J. admitted, eyes shining with unshed tears. “Not because I’m ashamed of you. But because I don’t want to hurt you like I did back then.”

“I know, I know,” was all Cyrus could say.

His own heart refused to settle, still filled with both elation and confusion at the revelation of T.J.’s feelings.

“I’m still figuring out what I feel for you,” the blonde continued, oblivious to Cyrus’ own inner turmoil about his own feelings. “But, I don’t want to be away from you.”

“I don’t want to be away from you either,” Cyrus confessed. He was done running away. “I missed you.”

Finally, T.J. smiled, gazing at him in the way that he always did, the gaze that always made Cyrus’ heart skip a beat and his knees go weak (good thing he was sitting down).

“I missed you too,” the other boy replied.

Cyrus looked down at their still entwined hands. He knew he had to let go at some point, but he didn’t want to yet. He wiggled his fingers a little to loosen his grip but didn’t completely release the hand.

“I’m still figuring things out too,” he admitted, subtly playing with the fingers in his grasp. Then, he looked up at T.J., hoping his blush wasn’t too obvious (he could feel the heat in his cheeks). “We can figure things out together, if you want.”

T.J.’s smile widened. “Yeah… I’d like that.”

He liked him. Cyrus liked him. So much. And T.J. liked him back.

“I…” his voice got stuck in his throat, the words refusing to come out.

“Hmm?” T.J. questioned, head tilted cutely to the side.

Cyrus swallowed. “Um… we can talk about boys now!” was what he ended up with.

He wanted to smack himself on the head but to his surprise, T.J. chuckled.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! Like… uh… which Hemsworth brother do you think is dreamy?”

“Definitely Chris,” the blonde immediately answered.

Cyrus raised an eyebrow at that. Clearly, this wasn’t the first time T.J. had thought about it. He was suddenly oddly jealous of Thor. Was it the blonde locks?! The defining muscles?! The accent?!

He snorted. “No way! Liam is a total dreamboat!”

T.J. chuckled again, still smiling sweetly at him.

“So… this space between us…” he said, making Cyrus pause. “Do you think we can close it now?”

Returning the smile, the brunette nodded. “Consider it closed.”

Both boys leaned back against the bench, both clearly had the weight they were carrying lifted from their shoulders. The gap between them was almost non-existent now. Cyrus didn’t know if it was him who moved closer or if it was T.J.

In the end, he realized that it didn’t really matter.

They’ve made up and, in the process, have come to know more about each other.

“So… you’re really out?” T.J. asked, a hint of hesitance in his voice.

Cyrus nodded. “Yeah. I just figured that it was time, you know? I don’t really want to hide such a significant part of who I am.”

“And…are you happy?”

“Yeah.” Cyrus smiled. “I am.”

T.J. hummed. “Cool. I’m glad.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

T.J. squeezed his hand.

Neither of them let go until they had to part.

Weeks passed. Things went back to normal. Or, as normal as they could for 8th grade.

Cyrus tried to ignore the flip-flopping in his stomach. His nerves were trying to get the best of him, but he refused to let it. He thought long and hard about this and he was finally ready to take this important step.

Andi and Buffy sidled up on either side of him.

“Nervous?” Buffy whispered in his ear.

Cyrus swallowed. “N-No…”

“It’s okay,” Andi tried to reassure him. “You got this. Just go up to him and-.”

“Ask him out. Yeah, it’s no big deal. He already likes me, so he’ll say ‘yes’, right? Unless his mind changed sometime in the last couple of weeks and he doesn’t like me anymore so I’ll probably make a fool of myself-.”

“Cyrus!” the two girls hissed.

Cyrus swallowed again. “Sorry. Yeah. I got this. I got this.”

He started forlornly across the hall at T.J., who was just swapping his books at his locker and minding his own business.

It had been weeks since Cyrus came out to the rest of the school. Weeks since T.J. confessed his feelings for him and admitted his confusion about his sexuality. Weeks since Cyrus started playing with the idea of possibly asking his blonde friend out on a date. And mere days since he finally made the decision to do exactly that and, thus, mentally and emotionally preparing himself.

At his locker, T.J. checked his reflection on his phone, fixing an out of place strand of blonde hair in the process. He looked so cute.

Cyrus’ nerves multiplied tenfold. “Maybe I’ll wait a few more days…”

He let out a squeak when Andi and Buffy pushed him towards the blonde boy’s direction.

The sound caught T.J.’s ear and he turned around. Instantly, he beamed at the sight of Cyrus, stumbling towards him.

“Hey, Underdog!” he greeted.

Cyrus lifted a hand to wave. “H-Hey…” he managed as he walked closer. His palms felt sweaty and he subtly tried to wipe them on his jeans. “What’s up?”

T.J. shrugged. “Nothing much. About to head to History.”

“Cool, cool… I have Math next.”

“Gross.” T.J. exaggeratedly shuddered and wrinkled his nose before laughing. “Wanna walk with me?”

“Yes!” Cyrus inwardly cringed at how eager he sounded.

“Great! Lemme just grab one last thing.”

As T.J. turned back to his locker, Cyrus twisted his head around. He sent Andi and Buffy a desperate look but they simply waved their hands, encouragingly.

“You got this!” Andi mouthed.

Swallowing again, he nodded in thanks before turning back right on time, just as T.J. was closing his locker.

“I’m ready,” he announced.

“Can I ask you something?” Cyrus blurted out before he could change his mind.

“Sure.”

“Um… Uh… So…” His hands tightened around the strap of his book bag. “Andi is having a party this weekend and… uh… do you… maybe… wanna go?”

“Oh, sure! Sounds like fun!” T.J. grinned.

Cyrus forced his voice out. “A-As m-my… d-date?”

T.J.’s mouth fell open. He blinked once. Twice.

“Really?” he said.

Was that hesitation? Cyrus wasn’t feeling so confident anymore.

“I… Yeah… I mean, I guess you don’t have to come as my date, you’re still invited as a guest of course. I just thought it would be nice to go together, you know? Cause you said you… l-like me… Y-You still like me, right? Or n-not? I mean…”

He was silenced by T.J.’s hand taking one of his. Cyrus slowly let go of his book bag.

The blonde’s smile was up to his ears. “Yes,” he said, sounding eager. “I still like you. A lot. And I’d love to go as your date, Cyrus.”

“Wait… Really?”

“Really.” T.J. rubbed his thumb over his hand. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

Cyrus finally managed a smile back, his heart fluttering. “I’m glad. That you’re happy, I mean. And that you said ‘yes’. And that you still like me.”

T.J. chuckled. “I don’t think I’m going to stop liking you any time soon.” He squeezed Cyrus’ hand. “So… should we start heading to class?”

“Oh. Yes! Yes, let’s go.”

Without letting go of his hand, T.J. began to walk with Cyrus falling into step beside him.

He could hear Andi and Buffy’s little squeals of excitement, prompting a blush to bloom on his cheeks.

People were staring but it wasn’t like it was the first time they held hands in front of everyone. They did it a lot now. Almost everyday. On their way to class. On their way to lunch. On their way home from school. They just held hands.

Cyrus found that T.J. really liked holding hands. Specifically, T.J. liked holding Cyrus’ hand. And Cyrus really liked holding his hand too.

The other boy’s hand was a little bigger than his but they fit like a perfect puzzle and, sure, sometimes he was nervous that his palms were sweaty but T.J. never seemed to mind.

It was such a couple thing, but Cyrus had no idea if they were a couple. He never even got to confess his own feelings.

However, right at that moment, with T.J. cutely swinging their entwined hands between them as he enthusiastically talked about the documentary his history class was watching, Cyrus figured there was a time for that.

For right now, he just wanted to enjoy this.

Chapter Text

The party was in full swing at the Mack household. There was a lot of food, games, music, and dancing. Bowie had hooked up the karaoke machine. He could hear Jonah belting out “Getaway” by Asher Angel to the cheers and hoots of their other friends. 

Out in the backyard, Cyrus let out a soft sigh as he stared off into the distance.

It a lot quieter and calmer there compared to the chaos of fun inside the house. Under the moonlight, Andi Shack seemed to sparkle, perhaps due to all the little fairy lights strung around it.

Cyrus knew that he should be back in the house with his friends but he was feeling a bit overwhelmed so he needed a little space to think.

True to his word, T.J. came as his date. And what a wonderful date the blonde was. He picked up Cyrus at home. He brought him food. He didn’t leave his side for too long. He held his hand. He put his arm over his shoulders. He looked at him and only him.

It was too much for Cyrus’ heart to handle.

Slowly but surely, though, the other boy had managed to assimilate himself into the rest of the group. He finally met Marty and fell into a conversation about video games (it turns out that they played a lot of the same ones). Then, Kira came by (Buffy invited her). She and T.J. also got to talking, though the latter looked guarded. That was when Cyrus decided to leave the party and have a moment to himself in the backyard.

“Hey.”

Speaking of the devil.

Cyrus looked up to smile at T.J. idling by the bench he was sitting on.

“Is that seat taken?” the boy gestured to the empty spot beside him.

“It’s saved for you,” Cyrus replied, cheekily.

T.J. chuckled at his corny attempt at flirting and sat down next to him. The blonde looked really handsome despite being dressed simply in a green shirt, black jacket, and dark jeans. Then again, T.J. always did look like a million bucks.

“Sorry for abandoning you in there,” Cyrus apologized. “I’m supposed to be your date but I just left you.”

T.J. shrugged, nonchalantly. “It’s fine.”

For a moment, they sat there in silence, watching the stars and the crescent moon hanging above them in a curtain of midnight blue.

Cyrus felt soft skin press against his hand and he subtly looked down to see that T.J. had moved his hand closer, their pinkies now side-by-side. He fought the urge to blush but when the other boy slowly linked their pinkies together, he was a goner. It was the sweetest gesture Cyrus had ever experienced. T.J. had always been braver than him.

Why did T.J. even like him?

“Teej?”

“Hmm?”

Cyrus turned his head to meet the blonde’s gaze. “I have a question. And I want an honest answer.”

T.J. nodded. “Shoot.”

“Why do you like me?”

At that, T.J. was silent. 

So, Cyrus continued. “I mean, there’s really nothing special or remarkable about me, you know?”

“That’s a total lie.” T.J. was frowning now. “There’s a lot of things about you that’s special and remarkable.”

He sounded so offended that Cyrus had to chuckle. “Like what?”

“Well, for one, you make really bomb blueberry-macadamia muffins.”

“Now, that is a lie and you know it.”

T.J. snorted. “Whatever. I liked them.” He grinned. “And you make really great songs about swinging and going down the slide.”

Cyrus puffed up his chest. “I suppose my lyrical prowess can be something to brag about. But, that can’t be the reason why you like me.”

“It’s one of the reasons.”

T.J.’s hand was fully over his now, fingers linking together. The other’ boy’s palm was kind of sweaty but, then again, Cyrus’ probably was too.

“I like you because you’re also nice and smart and so darn cute,” T.J. continued.

Cyrus blushed but the blonde wasn’t done.

“And… you’re the first person to really see… me. From the moment we met, you acted like you were scared of me but then in the next second, you trusted me. You trusted me to help you get that muffin. You let me swing beside you and listened to my problems. You invited me to your Bar Mitzvah. I mean… how can I not like you after all that, Cyrus? And that was all before we even exchanged numbers.” T.J. rubbed a thumb over his hand. “You make me want to be a better person. And that’s why I like you.”

By the end of the other boy’s confession, Cyrus’ heart was already soaring. Despite the bitter cold of the evening, he was feeling warm. And he finally understood what all those love songs meant.

Liking someone who liked you back… it was quite a rush. It was unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time. He wanted to grab it and never let it go. While he had it, he wanted to treasure it.

“I’m not good at this,” Cyrus admitted, looking down at their now entwined hands. “It always takes me a while to figure out I like someone. And, it’s the first time my feelings are ever reciprocated so I don’t really know what to do.”

He finally looked up to meet the other boy’s shocked eyes.

Oh, he never did get to confess to T.J. He supposed now was the right moment.

“You like me?” the blonde questioned, looking unsure yet hopeful.

He really did remind him of a puppy. So darn cute.

Cyrus grinned, shyly. “Yeah. I like you, too, T.J.” He squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry it took me a while to figure out.”

“Better late than never.”

All of a sudden, realizing their mutual feelings made them both shy. T.J. blushed and looked away to stare at the grass at their feet. Cyrus shifted and focused his gaze on Andi Shack.

Their hands remained in each other’s grasp.

“So…” T.J. voiced out.

“So…” Cyrus echoed.

“Do you… wanna go on a date, sometime? Just the two of us?”

Finally, Cyrus turned his attention back on the other boy… this wonderful boy who made his heart race and his cheeks red with just a smile.

Wow, he was really far down this rabbit hole.

“I’d like that,” he replied.

His response caused T.J. to beam, his smile practically up to his ears.

“I really like you, Cyrus,” he said, softly.

Cyrus’ breath caught in his throat when he realized that T.J. was slowly leaning in. His heart was beating so fast that he feared it might jump out. Yet, he didn’t move as he anticipated what was coming next. His eyes prepared to flutter close.

“Hey, guys! There’s cake and… Oh…”

Resisting the urge to groan in annoyance at the interruption, Cyrus forced himself to look at Buffy, who was standing sheepishly by the back door.

“W-We’ll be right there,” he squeaked in a shaky voice.

Embarrassed, Buffy ducked back into the house, the door shutting firmly behind her.

Releasing a breath, Cyrus turned back to a now red T.J. The blonde cleared his throat.

“Um… we should go in,” he stated.

“Yeah,” Cyrus agreed, not really wanting to move from their spot.

They were about to… kiss.

His would have been first kiss with a boy.

A boy he liked a lot.

A boy who liked him back.

As they stood up to make their way back into the house, T.J. pulled him back.

“Next time?” he asked, hopefully.

Cyrus’ heart skipped a beat. “Yes,” he permitted, his own lips twitching into a grin.

Together, the two boys made their way back into the Mack house, their entwined hands swinging between them.

And if everyone else in the house noticed their lack of personal space, they didn’t say a single word about it.