Chapter Text
“Sorry, I’ve got to go now.”
“Of course. We will talk later, Tom.”
Deanna closed the communication channel and sighed. It has been three months now since Thomas Riker got assigned to Gandhi, and with each passing week it was more and more clear to her that they were falling apart. History was repeating itself. Despite all their affection for each other, long distance relationship just did not work for the two of them: they were both too sensual and too career driven. They missed each other but they were also both busy all the time, and their schedules didn’t work well together, and the inability to touch each other and do things together wasn’t helping... they got distracted, they learned to be apart, and - she knew - they were quickly losing that second chance life gave them. It hurt. She really did hope that this time they will make it work.
Deanna never stopped loving Riker, he was too much a part of her. When they met on the Enterprise she was barely over him, and Will was on his way to getting his own ship. Or at least that’s what she thought at the time - that he wants few years on the Enterprise before he accepts his command and goes away, yet again leaving her behind. He made it clear he was not ready to compromise his career for her. There was no point trying to restart their relationship at the time so they decided to try and be friends. Over the years they became best friends, and despite the occasional sparks and loaded looks they remained just that. She learned to live with it and quite enjoyed their friendship - that is until they found another William Thomas Riker who brought all those feelings back to the surface again. She was hesitant at first, but Thomas convinced her to try, and she let herself hope. And now she was losing him to his career - again... oh well, she really should’ve known better.
Deanna looked at the clock - there were still a couple of hours before her next shift. No point spending it sitting in her quarters and feeling sorry for herself. She got up and decidedly headed for Ten Forward. It was chocolate sundae time.
***
William T. Riker barely walked into Ten Forward when he noticed Deanna at her usual table finishing what must have been one of her huge desserts. She didn’t see him, and he couldn’t help but notice how sad she looked when she didn’t try to make a happy face for anyone. He didn’t have to ask what happened, it was easy enough to guess. Over the last months he watched Deanna go through all kinds of emotions, mostly the happy ones. She was glowing for a while, and he knew it was because she was in love. He liked seeing her like that - as beautiful as ever, and happy as he haven’t seen her in a long time. But lately it’s been replaced by sadness. He guessed his warning about his other self wasn’t wrong: Deanna was getting her heart broken again. And yet again it was his fault - though this time in a very weird way. He knew that he and Thomas were separate people with their own experiences and quarks but somehow he felt responsible for his actions towards Deanna. Maybe it wasn’t even about Tom, maybe it was just because he cared for her so much, and arrogant as it might be he also knew how much Tom could hurt her... this would not stand. He couldn’t do much, but he was going to at least try to protect her.
Will turned around and left Ten Forward without Deanna ever noticing he was there. In his quarters he stood still for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts, then turned on communication device and tried to contact Thomas Riker on Gandhi. The man was on duty, so Will left a personal message asking Tom to call him back when he had a chance.
It was only the next day that the other Riker contacted him. For a long few seconds they both looked at each other silently. It was still very weird to talk to an almost perfect copy of yourself...
“You shaved your beard”, - said Will. Tom shrugged.
“Didn’t want to look exactly like you. And it suits me better.”
Will raised his brow to that statement, but didn’t argue. He had more important things to discuss, and he wasn’t in the mood to spend time neither on banter nor on pleasantries.
“What did you promise Deanna?”
“I don’t see how it is any of your business.”
“It becomes my business when you don’t keep those promises and make her miserable.”
“Excuse me?”, - Tom managed to sound scandalised and threatening at the same time, but Will knew himself too well to be fooled by that.
“Don’t play an idiot, you know perfectly well what I’m talking about... if you are not serious about it, let her go now, before she gets hurt.”
“Why are you so sure I’m going to hurt her?”
“Because that is what I did. I put career on the first place, and she suffered. I know you will try to catch up for all those years, and I know you will not have enough time for her. All I’m saying is don’t give her false hopes. She doesn’t deserve to go through it again.”
“She is also an adult woman. And I am not your subordinate, so I don’t have to listen to your opinion on the matters. So if that is all, commander, I have other business to attend to.”
Will couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He tried to be nice to this guy, tried to save him from the same mistakes he’s done - hurting Deanna hurt him as well, badly - and that was his gratitude?! Ignorant arrogant punk! He was just about to verbalise it all, but in the few seconds he remained silent, Tom hung up on him.
The call left Will pissed off and annoyed at himself. It was like talking to Wo, but worse, because where Wo reminded him of his young self, Tom actually was him in a way. Tom never learned what he had learned over the last eight years, he remained in the same mindset that Riker spent so much time changing. It was thoroughly annoying. No way Tom was good enough for Deanna... Will better be there for her when it all goes to hell. And be there he will.
***
Thomas was angry. He was angry at himself for being childish and hanging out on the other Riker, he was angry at his counterpart for telling him what to do and assuming he is going to screw up, and then he was back to being angry at himself for actually screwing up. It annoyed him to agree to his clone, but he wasn’t an idiot, and he could see that their relationship with Deanna was getting colder and colder.
Tom lost eight years. And now not only he had to catch up with all the changes in technology and in history, he also had a huge shadow of his luckier self to deal with. Crew on Gandhi knew perfectly well who William T. Riker was - a decorated officer with vast and diverse experience, one of the best in Starfleet. They looked at Thomas, and they expected him to be just that. They thought they were lucky to get a second best Riker, which was still pretty good - after all, Gandhi was not Enterprise... Tom resented it, and he did all he could to separate himself from that other Riker in the eyes of his fellow crewmen, but it was hard: all they knew about Will was stories, they didn’t know him as a person, and they could not therefore see any differences between the two. All that struggle to get his life back didn’t leave much time for love. Tom could already see he will need years to yearn his own reputation, to become Thomas Riker instead of “commander Riker’s transporter clone”. Deanna deserved better.
All those years he spent alone on the base, all those times he thought he was going crazy - the only thing that kept him sane was his love for Deanna, his strong faith that they belonged together, and that those feelings are bigger than distance and time separating them. He truly believed that if he got another chance to see her, to be with her, he would fight for it with all his might... and now that he had that chance, he was letting it slip. Tom tried to fool himself with the plans to bring Deanna on Gandhi in another three months, but deep down he knew - she would not come. He wasn’t present, wasn’t real enough for her to throw her career away for him. Only a voice and a face on communicator screen - that’s what he was. Why would she give up anything for that, when she could already have a voice, and a face, and so much more with her best friend Will Riker without ever leaving Enterprise?
He was losing Deanna. There was no way it could work... or was there? If he managed to swallow his pride and ask transfer to Enterprise, maybe he could still turn it around.
He would never admit it outloud, but maybe the other Riker was right when soon after their first meeting he implied Tom quits too easy. Either Will saw right through him or he knew it from personal experience - it didn’t matter now. Tom didn’t consider himself a quitter - he survived on his own for so long, and he was always ambitions, he never backed down from danger... but somehow meeting his other version showed him that he did back down - not from danger to his life, but from a danger of failing. He was a very proud man - he was able to admit as much - and usually it wasn’t a problem. But it was the same pride that told him to run from the Enterprise... he did not want to compete with commander Riker when he felt he could lose so easily. Maybe on some other ship he would have a chance to catch up, and to then return and compete as an equal... that was what he thought at the time. It felt so unfair that he was forgotten on the base for eight years, while someone else took his place, got a promotion for his actions and carried on. It felt like he was robbed: of his future, of his career, of his name even. So he ran. But there was no running. Certainly not if he wanted to be with Deanna. Commander William Riker wasn’t going anywhere, so if Tom wanted a chance to get back what he wanted so badly he would have to meet his fears head on. He would have to play on commander’s territory... and he will have to win, to show the world he was as much a real William T. Riker as the other one.
He nodded to himself. There was a newfound self-confidence in his look. Somehow taking on that challenge made him feel better. Challenges were what he was good at.