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Sometimes, it’s funny to watch Usopp handle a overly flirtacious woman, as he has the grace and social precision of an elephant. Really, anyone would think that his storytelling or lying would help him out here, but sometimes, it falls completely flat. Other times, if said lady isn’t being aggressive in her seduction, he’s able to distract her with a story or such a colorful reason as to why he can’t be with someone to the point that it was comical. The sniper claims to be so off guard, which is true, but he also isn’t sure how to properly handle the situation.
Which doesn’t make it any less funny to watch him squirm a little. At least to Sanji.
It’s not as if she wasn’t beautiful, smart, or even funny, but it’s just that she doesn’t have a chance. She’s tall, her auburn hair curls around an impressive bust and reaches down to a very shapely behind. Her short skirt showing off her long and toned legs, even how well she walks in those high heels. She probably smells like expensive perfume, holding her head high like a Celestial Dragon, and before she walks over to her target, she re-applies her ruby red lipstick.
Sanji had found his place at the bar, sipping on some beer with his lover who was nothing but surprised when he attracted this lady. His smiles are infectious just like his laughter, how could he not expect to attract a few people? He’s a muscular guy with a sense of humor, brilliant enough to light up a room, but of course, Usopp doesn’t think this way at all. He’s some goofy nerd with an ugly face on a better body, if the cook is quoting him correctly.
When she got close enough to him, she tripped and nearly fell. No one was sure if it was on purpose, her acting was that believable. The sniper, being naturally kind, caught her and was able to sit her up right. She blushes, maybe because her sex appeal was a little ruined, but she smiles confidently nonetheless.
“You okay?” He asks, letting her go.
She nods, a manicured hand coming up to squeeze a tan bicep. “Thank you. Glad you could put these to use.”
“Oh, uh, no problem.” Is all the poor guy could manage, color quickly fading onto his cheeks.
He turns away to back to his nice, cozy seat at the bar to continue the conversation he was having with his lover but he’s followed. The chair next to Usopp was already a little too close, but no one was sitting there, so he didn’t mind...until she does. She even scooted just to be as close to the younger man as possible who was trying not show how uncomfortable that made him.
Her voice is syrupy sweet, and before the young man could really say anything, she had already bought him a drink to repay him for his act of heroism. It’s another beer, which Usopp doesn’t totally mind. She keeps talking, flirting mostly, maybe an innuendo that the sniper doesn’t get until after the fact. Which, to hide the bashful look on his face, he takes another swig of the ice cold bottle.
She’s suddenly incredibly close, unbeknownst to her that she’s being watched. Not that she would care because all she needed was her target. Her conversation carries on, she is still trying to wheedle her way into Usopp’s lap. It almost got a point where the sniper would ask his crew mate for help, not in a sarcastic or dramatic way but a kind of hissing across the room and overly mouthing the words ‘Help! Me!’ way. Sanji was confident that she could be handled and rejected gently without him having to step in. He never wants to be in a position where he has to reject such beauty.
“Oh, come on,” She drawls, a manicured pointer finger sliding a curl out from Usopp’s ponytail. “I bet it’s not that serious. At least give me a chance before you break my heart so easily.” With a smirk, she twirls that lock around her finger.
That’s when it got way too far.
Way too far.
Not just undermining the sniper’s current relationship and disrespecting the person he’s with, but flirtatiously wrapping a curl around over her nail was something Sanji did. It was considered very intimate and a little unique to them, something usually done more in privacy. It felt like a boundary has been crossed and that there was point of no return.
Money for the drinks was placed firmly on the bar before the older man stood, getting both of their attention. A gracious and charming grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes was given to this woman. Quickly, he pulled the black spring from her finger and held her hand in his own.
“Madame, I don’t mean to intrude, but I don’t think it’d be very wise to waste such greatness on a married man.”
High arched eyebrows raised in surprise. The man she’s been trying to seduce almost chokes on his sip of beer. “I don’t see a ring.”
“You don’t have to, my dear.” Is said a little more firmly, but with all the warmth of a head waiter.
Usopp takes this as his ticket to finally escape. “Yes! I’ve been trying to explain without being rude that I’m very much a happily married man.” Thank goodness his acting skills have allowed him to at least get ‘happily married’ out without stuttering. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some other affairs to attend to!” He announces like some aristocrat socialite, turning around and almost power walking out of the saloon.
The cook wishes her a good night and follows his crewmate and at the very least making it less obvious that he was escaping too. He felt a little embarrassed for stepping in when he didn’t have to but at least it’s over. It also wasn’t like they’d ever cross paths with her again, considering their “profession”. He almost felt like apologizing.
Sanji looked around for his crewmate, hoping he didn’t run away too far. He spots him slowly walking down a street of merchants, obviously for his lover to catch up.
“Married? That’s the best thing you could come up with?” Usopp complains when the cook is walking beside him.
“You didn’t seem to have any better ideas, longnose”
“Actually, what I had planned was going to be excellent until you took my thunder!”
“Uh-huh.”