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Something had changed; Gavin could just tell.
Not that he could especially put words to it, but something about his relationship felt colder. More distant. It shouldn't feel like that, he kept telling himself, everything should be perfect. Michael was a good boyfriend. He wasn't unnecessarily affectionate in the office and he always gave Gavin space when he could tell that it was needed. He was softer in private though, all affectionate nuzzles and pet names that used to set his stomach aflutter, but lately Gavin felt like his responses to his partner's affection were automatic. More "I should do this" than "I want to do this". The sex was still good enough, but who could really complain when they were getting off?
It really wasn't fair to Michael, Gavin thought. He didn't think he'd even noticed anything different between them. If he had, surely he wouldn't be pretending nothing was wrong. That wasn't the kind of person Michael was. He was always one to deal with things head-on, almost too bluntly for comfort. As it was, Michael was at the office for the afternoon tackling some editing that he'd pushed off too long. He had kissed Gavin goodbye that morning, talking about how he'd probably be pulling 12 hours of solid editing. Gavin had mumbled some response, and then he was alone with his thoughts. As the day progressed, he realized that thinking about your failing relationship in the apartment you lived in because of said relationship probably wasn't helping. He decided to go somewhere else to think more clearly.
Somewhere with booze.
Scribbling on the back of an envelope that was already laying on the kitchen counter, Gavin explained that he was going out for a few drinks and that he'd be back late. He set the note back on the counter and grabbed a jacket on his way out the door.
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Sitting at the club's bar, Gavin wrapped his hand around his third (or was it fourth?) drink and scanned the room. The dance floor was pretty packed, but that was standard for a Saturday night downtown. He was actually a little surprised that he hadn't seen anyone from work yet. As he played with his straw, he spotted a man watching him from further down the bar. Gavin cocked an eyebrow and the stranger smiled and started over to where he was seated.
"What are you drinking tonight?" The man asked, eyeing the now-empty glass in front of Gavin.
"Rum and coke, but it doesn't seem like I'm really drinking it anymore," Gavin quipped, also looking at the empty glass. "Care to buy me a replacement?"
It turned out that the man did want to buy him a replacement. They chatted about the club scene for a while, then music and travel, and then suddenly they were having an intense conversation about life and personal goals and Gavin had the passing thought that he hadn't mentioned Michael once but suddenly the stranger was very close and his lips were on Gavin's and he forgot everything that he had been thinking. He was so warm, and it had been a long time since he'd kissed anyone else... But as the stranger (had he even learned the man's name?) started to wrap his arms around Gavin's waist to pull him closer, something clicked in his brain and Gavin pulled back, muttering an apology and a quick excuse about his drinks suddenly hitting him and his need for fresh air. He made his way through the crowd and out the front door in record time.
It had just been an excuse, of course. He wasn't sure that he could go back in and see that guy again without going home with him, and he didn't think that was a good idea when Michael was probably at the apartment waiting up for him. He'd always been so good about taking care of Drunk Gavin, making sure that he drank some water and fell asleep in their bed instead of the hall floor or the couch. It wasn't fair. As he walked down the sidewalk to grab a taxi back to the apartment, Gavin's head buzzed with more than the drinks he had been sucking down. It was time for him to really consider his relationship. Maybe he wasn't made for long term commitments; maybe all he was good for was one night stands. They seemed more appealing than they ever had before, but Gavin wasn't sure if that was because he had just pulled himself away from the start of one. Whether or not he knew the guy's name, he had been pretty attractive and there was something thrilling about kissing someone he barely knew. He was having some trouble remembering the last time he had been that excited about anything involving Michael. As he waved and a taxi pulled up to the curb, Gavin realized that he needed to have a talk with Michael.
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Walking up to the door of the apartment, Gavin sighed. He hated being the one to initiate anything, especially painful things. But this time, he had to. He had to start the conversation, although he wasn't sure how much dialogue there would actually be. All the scenarios he'd run through in his head seemed pretty one-sided.
He pushed the door open and stepped into the living room, trying to pull himself together before he had to face... damn. Michael was waiting for him on the couch, and he looked excited about something. That was just going to make everything a lot harder. He stood up and started over towards Gavin, moving to kiss him on the cheek. Gavin considered leaning away, but couldn't bring himself to actually do it.
"Hey Gav! I saw your note, so I figured I'd wait up for you. Guess what I got today!" He started to launch into a story that seemed to Gavin like it would go on for ages, so he cut Michael off.
"Michael, I can't do this. Us. I can't do this anymore. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I can't really explain it. I don't know if it's you or me, but I just can't keep pretending nothing's wrong."
He paused for breath and glanced at Michael's face. The excitement of a moment ago was gone, replaced with confusion and hurt.
"Don't say anything, there's nothing you can do or say to change this. I need some time to get my head straight, but it's over. I can't be in a relationship with you."
Michael opened and closed his mouth in shock, and gestured uselessly. Despite what Gavin had said, he seemed set on saying /something/ but he didn't seem capable of speech. Gavin figured it was for the best, anything Michael said would just make this all hurt more.
"I think it would be better if I stayed with Geoff and Griffin for a while. Until you can find a new place."
And with that said, he turned and left the apartment that they both shared- no, had shared.
Outside, he pulled the creeper necklace that Michael had given him from under his shirt. He looked at it for a moment, then ripped the chain from his neck and threw the whole thing off the balcony of the apartment building.
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Inside, Michael absentmindedly raised a hand to his left bicep, where his sweatshirt sleeve hid the plastic covering up his new tattoo: a Union Jack-patterned V.