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Alex is starting to get used to her presence in DEO. Lena is not like the recruits she trains or like Winn and Brainiac. She is discreet and quiet, very focused to start punctilious conversations or participate in the agitation of the anxious agents. Eve is like a puppy orbiting around her and although Lena is always gentle, she rarely laughs or raises the volume of her voice.
Lena watches her from afar too. Lena observes how strict she is and how she requires discipline from her recruits, but at the same time there is always an inexhaustible compassion in her eyes, a strange, very personal understanding for a leader. But that makes her more than respected, it makes her loved and Lena can admire that.
With the periodicity that she comes to the DEO and as the experiments and procedures progress, Lena's secrets finally safe with Alex, they become part of each other's routine.
They begin to bring coffee to each other. Alex's is usually abandoned in the face of an emergency mission, and Lena's in the laboratory tends to cool down when she gets absent in her science, but it's not about the coffee, it's all about the meaning of the gesture. Lena demands to make changes to the combat suit and checks Alex when she discovers that a mission was unsuccessful through the whispers blown on the walls of the DEO. Alex secretly asks Eve to insist that Lena feed herself regularly and jokes that Lena has beautiful and elegant clothes but she threatens to lock the lab until the CEO uses protective equipment in her procedures.
They walk the halls discussing science and technology and sometimes they share almond biscuits on the roof. These are very briefly moments, hurried minutes, but they're long lasting enough to relieve the tensions of the innumerable responsibilities that surround them. Lena likes it and Alex blushes when she tells her that.
They pair up on a game night and their dynamic makes everyone impressed, especially Kara, who all night long exchanges amused looks with Eve and Nia for every formal celebration Alex and Lena exchange after a victory, toasting whiskey that only they dare to swallow while the others drink beer and fruity cocktails.
This curious dynamic – between science, whiskey, hard work and a slowly established confidence – changes into a silent, icy dawn in mid-winter in National City. Alex returns from a solo mission with a deep cut on her eyebrow and bruises on the ribs and clavicle, and the only nurse on call is attending a clumsy prisoner who was injured in the cell with his own tentacles.
Lena is immediately running in the dark corridors with a first aid kit, dragging Alex onto a stretcher, demanding she rests and let herself be examined. Lena growls in frustration, condemning herself, murmuring she should have improved the combat suit to protect her torso and chest. Alex tightens her eyebrows, her bloody bandage bending, surprising her by taking her hand and holding it between hers.
The CEO sighs and smiles, continuing her proceedings, and Alex lets her work, staring at her in a strangely comfortable silence. Lena checks her ribs and Alex tries to holds an outrageous laugh, which escapes almost immediately and suddenly they're both laughing, the echoes spreading in the empty room. Lena applies the special ointment at the height of the ribs and she's almost reverent, it's almost a caress.
It's when their eyes meet and the dynamic between them suddenly changes. Alex raises her chin like a needy child and Lena nods affectionately as if she's saying "What do you wish? Ask me. "
There's something in her eyes, Alex thinks. Something that makes her want to look at her for an imponderable period of time. Something that makes her want to meet her, discover her.
There's something deep in her eyes that makes her feel as if Lena knows something she knows, but they will not verbalize.
Or maybe something they both don't know and they share the unknowing in the meeting of their eyes, suspended in the air, like trying to see through a deeply fog.
"You know, we've never hang out together. I mean, just the two of us. " Alex points out, the suggestion of a smile on her lips. "We should. You know. Sometime. "
"And where would you take me, Director Danvers?" She flirts, always charming, always inexplicably sophisticated.
"It depends. You're going to say yes?"
"I said yes on the first question. " She looks even more dangerous when she smiles and bangs her eyelashes innocently.
"So I think you'll have to wait, Lena Luthor." She laughs presumptuously. "Can you do that? The powerful CEO of L-Corp and Catco and DEO specialized consultant, can wait? "
"For you? " Lena sighs and slips a stray hair out of Alex's forehead. "I can try. "
Alex is not freaking out. Definitely not. She is a Director DEO, an agent specializing in medicine, alien biology and combat techniques. It's just a date and she already had a lot of dates. But when she throws the clothes from the closet around the apartment and walks barefoot in circles with the toothbrush in her mouth, surrounded by Kara's provocative gaze, maybe she can admit she's freaking out a little.
Nonsense. She's terrified. She's terrified and she doesn't even know why.
She's going to take Lena to an irish pub Eve secretly told her Lena mentioned she wants to meet. Lena will pick her up at nine with the driver in less than an hour and she's nothing but an anxious mess
"I don't get it. " Kara laughs, handing her a beautiful blue sweater with a navy collar that she didn't even know it was in the middle of the pile of clothes. "It's Lena. Why are you so nervous? "
"I'm not nervous." She shrugs. "I just want it to be perfect."
"Of course." She rolls her eyes amusingly. "I've helped you get ready for a lot of dates, Alex. You've never been nervous since Maggie... And I think you might know why. "
"She's your best friend, Kara. I don't want to ruin everything and make things get weird between us all. "
"Come on. " She does that lovely thing, adjusting her glasses, her big blue eyes glittering for her. "I'm your sister. No lies. "
"I'm not... " She sighs, tossing her hair back. "I'm not lying. I like her, okay. I might have feelings for her. But it seems too soon and we work together and she broke up recently with James and...
"And... " Kara raises her arms innocently. "Stop guessing. Be honest with me. "
Alex closes her eyes, sighing deeply one more time. "I... The last few months have been a relief, Kara. I didn't tell you or anyone else because I was trying to deal myself, but there's something in my mind that just seems... Out of place. Something is missing and I don't know what it is."
Kara is grateful she can't perceive her swallowing.
"When I'm with Lena, something makes sense again. Something I don't know what it is just finally fits. Like some kind of understanding existing between us. At first it scared me, because you know I only have one-night stands lately, but... It makes sense. Can you understand? She just makes sense. "
Kara opens a smile brighter than the sun itself.
"Damn." Alex shudders. "That sounded so cheesy."
"That sounds wonderful. " She hugs her, rubbing her back. "And I'm glad you two found each other. "
With an encouraging push, pulling the leather jacket over her sweater and dipping her hair in gel, an exaggerated bath of perfume, Alex sees through the window the black bentley approaching, takes a deep breath and forces herlsef to march down into the lobby.
Lena says nothing during the ride. She orders the address and smiles when Alex reveals it. In fact, she is smiling all the time, stealing glances at a very shy but equally smiling Alex. And Alex thoughts are floating in her brain with the recent confession to Kara. The truth, she said. This mysterious woman next to her, so full of scars and misfortunes contrasting with a brilliant mind and a life of opportunities, but challenged by a family who has tried at all costs to drag her down with them. This dazzling creature who looks at her with so much confidence and vulnerability that she fears to take the smallest misstep.
She wants to take all the right steps.
She doesn't know that Lena wants the same, but something flowing from her green beautiful eyes almost whispers her insecurities. Of not being enough. Of failing. Alex has been there. So they allow the silence to comfort them, only the warm temperature and the soft music inside the bentley and the snow falling outside, covering the familiar streets.
Alex thinks it's stunning how Lena's eyes sparkle in the Irish pub, The Misneach, whose meaning of the name she searched and sighed thinking that "courage" is a fitting term for the night. And those beautiful eyes go through everything with genuine appreciation, making Alex wonder if it brings back some memories of her early childhood in Ireland, which she discovered through the CEO's middle name. She swears to herself that she is not a teenager chasing a flame, though.
Almost everything is made of carved wood and the yellow light hanging over them is warm and cozy. There are pictures and artifacts and a live band surrounded by drunken dancers. There are a splendid variety of drinks and appetizers and they sit close to the large pane of glass to continue enjoying the slow fall of the snow.
Alex tries to keep her smile intact and follows the basic protocol as a robot: She takes Lena's coat. She pulls the chair reverently to her. She lets Lena choose the whiskey while she's trying not to hyperventilate to see her in that hypnotic red dress that makes her look more beautiful than she remembers.
But then, confused by her nervousness in front of Lena, she starts the autopilot. Lena is talking, but she's not sure she's absorbing. She can hear the irish music, the cars in the street, the steps of the dancers, the toasts of the glass mugs, everything around her, except for Lena. The waiter brings the whiskey and she turns the dose in one gulp, turning to face her and getting lost in a neutral zone in her mind again.
Because Lena is so stunning and her cheeks are flushed, her smile is wide open and she looks so cheerful. As always, she's using beautiful words and extravagant terms, she holds the glass with an odd elegance and laughs for anything without reason. And Alex doesn't want to open her mouth and possibly ruin everything, an old insecurity lurking uncontrollably inside her.
And Lena notices. Of course she does. Of course her eyes, astute and trained, capture the energy that surrounds them, the instability.
The fear.
"Are you fine, Alex? " She dares to question, looking at her with a tearful tenderness. "We can call it a night if you're not feeling disposed..."
"No!" She waves a hand on the table, blinking as if she's waking. "I'm sorry. 'm doing everything wrong. "
Lena's worried expression softens and Alex shudders as she holds her hand, her cold thumb softly caressing her skin. "Are you nervous? "
"Just a little bit." She stutters and laughs. "It's been a while since I've been on a date with someone so spe... " And she stops, her eyes widening along with Lena's. "S-someone so... "
Someone so special.
And Lena recovers first, smiling like a mischievous child. "Half Irish? "
"There it is, exactly what I was trying to say. " She giggles. "Someone so half irish. "
Lena laughs so honestly that Alex's embarrassment suddenly slows.
"Do you remember? I mean, Ireland? "
"I was only four. But I remember the melodies. The colors, the grass. My mother's face with a flower in her hair. Small blurred details. But it was peaceful. "
She sounds resilient in her words, but Alex can detect the bitterness of loss. Once again, she's been there.
"Do you remember what it was like in Midvale... With your father?"
"I was a teenager, actually. I remember everything. So does Kara. But he remained in all things. On the pancakes in the morning. In the waves of the sea where he teached me to surf. In the telescope he helped Kara build. In my mother's cry..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring sorrow on the menu this night. " Her laugh is humorless. "Perhaps it runs in my veins after all. "
"It's okay. I think we can talk about it, Lena. I'd like to. " She smiles tenderly and winks gallantly. "And if anything runs in your veins but blood, it isn't sorrow. "
"What is it then?" As if realizing their hands are still connected, Lena strokes her with her thumb again, leaning almost imperceptibly on the table, her eyes clouded, her fleshy red lips curling into a lovely smile.
Alex blushes, but she takes Lena's hand that caresses hers, turns her wrist up and traces her fingers gently over her prominent veins, delicate, staring at the purplish shafts without noticing the sweetness in Lena's eyes fixed on her. "Honesly? I'm not sure. " She confess. "But stay close. I'll figure it out. "
"Oh, believe me, Director Danvers... I do not intend to leave. "
Alex can feel it coming. They leaning on the table, their hands still connected. Her eyelids fluttering and Lena's eyes narrowing, closing slowly.
"HELP! PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP! HE'S NOT BREATHING! "
A horrified scream pushes them away, they both looking toward the center of the pub, where a large man with white hair and red rays drawn over his arms like a tiger.writhes on the floor, his skin reddened, saliva dripping down his chin.
The bartender is calling an ambulance and the woman who screamed is kneeling, trying to hold the wounded man's head on her lap, crying desperately. "Stay with me, baby, stay with me! Someone do something!"
Alex leaps among the curious and takes her place, turning his head to the side. Lena approaches to examine the scene, the man's eyes almost jumping out of their sockets, suffocating.
The paramedics have not arrived yet and Alex starts the cardiac massage, unsuccessfully trying to identify the cause of suffocation, examining the tongue and throat, unable to find what is killing him. First aids are not working and she knows something is wrong.
Lena graciously touches her shoulder. "You're a brilliant doctor. Stay calm. Think. "
As if a light went on in her eyes, Alex rips his shirt, groping his trunk with minute precision, betting on her assumptions. When she reaches the abdomen, she looks alarmed back at Lena. "He's an alien. I don't know the species, but his lungs are located in the place of the stomach. No massage or maneuver will do any good right now. Without knowing precisely his anatomy, all we can do now is a... "
"Some sort of tracheostomy. " Lena answers for her, taking a deep breath.
"Something is blocking the airways." Alex turns the man sideways and finds a row of three gills on his back, no air coming in or out. "All we can do is open an air passage through the lungs, it's his only chance."
Alex and Lena exchange a quick look and know what to do. Lena nods at her and Alex stands up, pulling away and activating her communicator.
"The ambulance is stuck in the traffic! " the bartender warns.
"His lips are turning purple! " The woman cries, holding his head as Alex taught.
"You." Lena nods at the bartender, rolling up the long sleeves of her red dress. "I need alcohol, bandages, a clean tablecloth, a bowl and an unused knife, the thinnest you have. Now! "
"Brainy? " Alex whispers. "I need you to come, I'm sending the address. Unidentified alien species, the lungs are located in the region of the stomach and there're gills in the back. I'll do an emergency procedure and I'll need the DEO to move him. "
"On my way, Director. "
The waiter walks through the doors with the tablecloth and Lena lays her down on the floor. Two other waiters help her move her body steadily, ripping the remnants of the torn shirt off. The bartender brings a first aid kit with bandages and spills the alcohol into the CEO's hands and arms, Alex doing the same procedure as she finishes the call.
The alien's eyes are white, rolling around.
Lena sterilizes the knife and Alex kneels beside him again, trembling, trying to focus on what needs to be done while the woman continues to scream in tears.
Lena hands the knife to her and pulls the dispenser out of a whiskey bottle, bending the silvery barrel into a straight tube.
"Lena... I've never done this before. What if... "
Lena kneels next to her and wipes the area of the lungs with alcohol and a cotton, her lips almost touching Alex's ear. "You can do this. Stay focused. I'm here with you. "
Alex nods solemnly, leaning over the man. The bartender consoles the tearful woman and yells at the hospital in charge on the phone. The waiters wash their arms and hands with alcohol and help hold the body firmly. One of the musicians on the stage, the tallest, lights the phone's flashlight and points to give clarity to the emergency surgery.
She does the best she can and Lena doesn't leave her side, over-sterilizing the improvised tube, cleaning the blood and guiding the waiters and the musician. She does a small and precise cut, careful and attentive, focusing on Lena's words.
Alex finds the position of the tube and almost collapses with relief as the man stops squirming, breathing again as she tries to induce the air in and out, checking the gills as Lena uses an ice pick and a needle and line for fish meals to suture the cut.
The ambulance arrives at the same time with a black van that Alex recognizes. Before the delayed paramedics can enter, an agent presents a false credential, claiming to be a government doctor, explaining that it's a special case and their services are no longer needed.
Brainiac 5 enters with two other agents and begins to report having identified the species of the alien while the agents stretch a litter. The woman is crying with joy and thanking. Clients, musicians and waiters are applauding.
But Alex is silent, staring at her bloody hands, breathing deeply. Lena's hands gripping her waist and pulling her up are like coming back to the surface. The CEO supports her in her arms and gently guides her toward the bathroom, smiling at the others who celebrate, but her eyes overflowing with concern.
Lena closes the door and the sounds outside are muffled. She opens the tap and lets the water run into their hands, washing the blood from Alex's hands, fingernails, wrist, her touch soft and trembling.
"We did it. " Alex whispers.
"You did it. " Lena smiles, intertwining their fingers under the water. "You saved him, Alex Danvers. And it was wondrous. "
Alex laughs weakly and their eyes meet in the low light of the bathroom. And Lena is looking at her with a heartwarming devotion, pushing away the tension of those past moments.
Lena takes off her bloody sweater and uses the opposite side to dry their hands. "I'll be right back." She kisses her forehead and leaves, hurrying back in her elegant coat, placing it on Alex's shoulders. Alex wants to say something, still feeling the phantom touch of her lips on her forehead, the coat warming her body, but the words are lost somewhere between the exhaustion of the last events and Lena's reverent zeal. She holds Alex's trembling hands and kisses her knuckles. "Come with me."
Brainy guarantees that she can go home and that the injured alien is in his good hands. The bartender insists and convinces Lena that the night's debt was paid off with their admirable heroism and finally Alex can feel herself breathing regularly again inside the silent bentley.
"You were amazing back there." Lena smiles, laying her head on her shoulder, grabbing her arm as close as possible. "Ain't no rest for a hero, right? "
"You tell me." She laughs, her chin gently resting on the wavy black hair, a sigh leaving her as she breathes in Lena's scent. "I'm sorry. It was a mess, wasn't it? I had planned the perfect date with Kara and Eve. "
"Are you kidding?" Lena chuckles, tickling her neck, her warm breath making Alex close her eyes. "It was the brightest, the funniest, the greatest date of my entire life, Alex Danvers. How am I supposed to get bored or even save myself from your charm? "
"I know this is going to sound cheesy and weird considering you think I'm a hero, but I was hoping you couldn't be saved this time, Lena Luthor."
"So let me succumb, Alex Danvers. " She whispers. "Just this time. "
Alex almost chokes with the ice cream when she sees Lena coming out of the bathroom wearing only one of her old band shirts, her hair tossed over her left shoulder, her delicate bare feet, her makeup undone. She remembers them both in the pub, leaning on the table and what would have happened. She remembers to call her half Irish.
She really chokes with the ice cream when she realizes that even Lena's yawn is delightful.
"You can take the bed." She clears her throat. "I'll sleep in the couch."
Lena folds her arms and smiles. "You literally have a king size, Alex. Are you afraid of me? "
"Please..." She takes a spoonful of ice cream, anxiously. "I performed a surgery in the middle of a pub today without proper equipment. Nothing scares me anymore, Luthor. "
Lena approaches her with a tender smile, her thumb gently wiping a drop of ice cream on the edge of her lips, her eyes wary and soft. "It was a great, but stressful and unexpected night. Like when you witness a near-tragedy begin to reflect about your own life when you should be paying attention to the gorgeous woman in leather pants on a date with you. " She sighs, softening her voice. "Stay with me? "
Alex thinks she could never say no, even if she wanted to.
Lights are off and they lie side by side, Alex's hand tenderly tracing her wrist again. Lena knows there's something in her mind, as if she's preparing herself for a hudge confession. She comes a little closer, one of her hands sliding on the pillow to stroke the short hair on the back of her neck, warm and intimate.
"Lena... " She whispers. "Back in the pub... I wasn't going to say half Irish. "
"I know you wouldn't. "
"Special. I was going to say special. "
Through the stellar lights invading weakly through the apartment window, Alex glimpses her silhouette leaning to kiss her in the dark.
It's curious how they don't need verbally imposed agreements and limits. In the morning, when Alex wakes up alone, there's a note marked with red lipstick on the bed, Lena being careful to warn she had an emergency at L-Corp too early to wake her up, an observation in the verse about how her hair looks adorable all messed up in sleep and that she hopes they can repeat it soon. Alex sighs and smiles at the paper and she knows it was perfect. In unpredictable ways, but still perfect.
Alexandra Danvers and Lena Luthor are prodigious scientists and "destiny" is not a plausible belief. But it sounds a bit like destiny, or some kind of premeditated journey, flowing uncontrollably, not because of the lack of it, but because of the simplicity, the easy naturalness of everything.
It's constant and refreshing.
Like when Alex takes her to the alien bar and Lena feels strangely welcomed by those innumerable forms of life.
Or when Lena takes her to visit the Children's Hospital and Alex marvels at those children struggling to survive smiling at her with so much enthusiasm.
It's also fascinating and challenging.
Like when Alex attends Lena's conference at the Luthor Observatory and realizes, when she talks about the progress of L-Corp's research, that Lena is much brilliant than she thought and she has much more to offer to the world than experiments the government probably will use for greedy and dictatorial purposes.
Or when Alex takes Lena on her motorcycle for a ride around the city roads after a stressful day. Lena was in a last meeting in Metropolis in the morning and had to use the helicopter, making everything worse. Alex, aware of her fear, asks her to grip her waist firmly, close her eyes and feel the wind on her face. It's the first time Lena feels safe and triumphant in flying.
Alex makes her watch a marathon of action movies and Lena always sleeps on her shoulder. Lena reads aloud, especially on rainy afternoons, her favorite philosophers, and Alex always sleeps on her lap.
Lena kisses her with an overwhelming passion and Alex can't have enough of her. Every furtive touch, every time she plunges into those eyes and can't be sure she can return, her face stained with red lipstick, her heart racing, blood bubbling inside her as if she's about to explode. And Alex can't help but giving her the same passion, her fingers tracing her jaw, kissing the veins on her wrist with reverence, gently biting her neck just to feel her shuddering in her arms.
Everything is going well until a game night that Kara summoned everyone when she finally had a night off from work.
The competition is quite fierce between Kara with Nia and Lena with Alex. James and Brainy, already disqualified, watch and encourage both sides. It's just a game night like all the others until Lena and Alex win the final round. While Kara whines dramatically into Nia's comforting embrace, Alex surprisingly twirls Lena in her arms and involuntarily, almost unconsciously, kisses her in the middle of Kara's apartment, the silence immediately surrounding them and making her flinch away, though Lena simply smiles at her, caressing her face.
Kara seems to recompose, almost giggling in excitement along with Eve.
"I see you, ladies! " Nia smiles.
"Is this what you terrans call a power couple? " Brainy asks genuinely curious, scratching his chin.
But there's someone in the room who doesn't look happy. James stands up from the couch, staring incredulously at them, harsh and hurt expressions on his face, fists stiffening.
"Jimmy..." Lena warns, moving slightly away from Alex.
"What's going on here? " He demands.
"They're dating, my good friend! " Brainy tries to explain innocently. "Romance! Is this right? "
"Yes, Brainy." Alex smiles at him. "It's right."
"So now you're dating Alex?" James laughs dismissively. "You're brilliant, Lena Luthor, I'll give you that. "
"What is that supposed to mean?" Lena frowns.
"What are you up to? What do you want? " He asks suspiciously.
"Excuse me? "
"You can't insult Miss Luthor like this, Mr. Olsen. " Nia stands up for her.
Brainy looks shocked. Kara sighs deeply, adjusting the glasses on her face. Alex, however, is about to kick him out.
"How can you do that, Alex?"
"What do you mean?" She approaches dangerously.
"Okay, that's enough." Kara tries to depart. "It's time for you to go home, James. We can talk later."
"No, I want to know." She insists. "What do you mean, James?"
"A Luthor? Seriously? " He laughs wryly. "Fantastic. Jeremiah would be proud, don't you think? "
Alex growls and grabs him by the collar of his shirt, pointing at his face. "How dare you, James?! Take it back or I swear..."
"What?! " He yells. "You think your father would be happy to know you fell in love with a Luthor?"
Suddenly she releases him and turns around, her eyes immediately searching for Lena's. And Lena is staring at her with her eyes wide and bright, her brows drawn in astonishment and fear.
"I said that's enough, James. " Kara stands between him and her sister. "Go away. Now. "
And he finally leaves.
"I should go too. " Lena mutters, picking up her purse and coat. "It was a wonderful evening. Thanks to all of you. Thank you, Kara. "
Alex is still paralyzed, following her with worried and confused eyes. "Lena..."
Lena caresses the back of her neck and pulls her to lean down and kiss her forehead, a trembling whisper just for her. "I'm fine. I'm sorry you had to hear those terrible accusations. I just need some... I'll call you. I promise. "
And then she leaves the apartment and Alex falls on the couch, sinking her face into her hands, frustrated, Kara immediately sitting right beside her, hugging her, comforting her.
Nia sighs and starts collecting the games and glasses, receiving a grateful smile from Kara. Brainy helps her, but he seems distant, conflicted, worrying her.
"Brainy? " She whispers softly. "Are you okay? "
"I... I feel sorrow, Nia Nal. " He confess.
"Why? "
"A Luthor murdered James's father too. And yet he stayed with her, he supposily fell for her. Which leads me to conclude he was just being cruel. He wanted to hurt them, specially Lena, indirectly. I don't understand, Nia Nal. "
"People are complicated, Brainy. Every single one of us. There's always too much at stake. And sometimes people cause pain because they cann't deal with their own pain. "
"You're a wise woman. " He nods.
"Come on." She smiles, embracing his arm. "You can take me home. "
But Lena doesn't call her. Haley tells her the CEO has to leave for a few days and Miss Teschmacher will work in her place until she returns. Eve looks at her when she enters the lab and Alex thinks she has never seen her so sad and disheartened.
Lena doesn't answer her calls either. Kara says she's fine and she'll show up. She wonders if she's screwed up. If James's accusation she did not denied ruined everything. They never talked about romantic feelings and she didn't think they should. It was simple between them. The communication was quiet and affectionate, almost without words when it comes to love.
She didn't even think about being in love with Lena. Again, she hadn't thought of anything when she was with Lena. Because Lena is insightful, brilliant, darkly funny and she has Alex crawling when she smiles. The days go by and silence chews and swallows Alex and she never thought she would miss her this much. She respects her space, but she just wants is to find her and trace and kiss the veins on her wrist and say they can do it, whatever this is.
She tells James: "She's not talking to me and it's your fault, you selfish prick. You won. I hope you're glad. " And he has the decency to look regretful.
She wants to beat the shit out of him. Even when she hears Kara's words for him on Catco: "You're such a good man, but you're also destructive. You're a hero, but you can be so stingy. And you need to stop, James. You need to stop before you're completely alone. I don't want this. And I know you don't either. "
After almost two weeks, she is leaving for a risky mission at the docks and decides to call her. It's almost refreshing to hear "It's Lena Luthor. Leave a message", formal and elegant, as it always is.
"I miss you, okay? " She breathes deeply. "I didn't say it in the other messages, but I miss you. I miss whiskey kisses. I miss feeling your pulse. Damn, I miss even those boring philosophers you read to me. You said you didn't intend to leave... "
"Director Danvers, we're ready to go. " An agent warns her outside the room.
"You said you didn't intend to leave..." She continues weakly. "So stay close, Lena Luthor. I still need to figure you out. "
Lena listens to her messages over and over again each and every day they are separated. She desperately wants to invade the DEO and apologize and kiss her and not feel empty anymore.
She glances at her reflection in the large windows of her office and drinks whiskey in the same proportion as her guilt drowns her. She wants to call Alex. She must. She is no longer a scared little girl in the world alone. She con't hurt Alex. Not Alex. Not that extraordinary, selfless, impulsive, charming, brave woman who crossed her path.
The thing is... Lena is afraid to tell her why she ran away from her. She knows that just like Kara, Alex has an admirable empathic understanding, but she is terrified to trust her heart again. It never works. Not for her. Sooner or later she loses.
And she doesn't want to lose Alex Danvers.
She told Kara the last time she came to check on her: "Your sister is the best thing that happened to me in a very long time, Kara. Please do not doubt that."
And Kara smiles at her, her hand on the knob: "I don't."
She hears the last message arrive almost two hours ago and finally finds the courage to listen.
And it breaks her heart.
"You said you didn't intend to leave. So stay close, Lena Luthor. I still need to figure you out. "
It's time. She needs to call her. She needs to understand Alex is unlike anything she has ever known and everything that has ever hurt her. She pick up the phone and breathes ludly, but the office's doors are suddenly wide open and Eve rushes toward her, grabbing the remote control from her desk without permission, turning to the big TV in the center.
"I''m sorry, Miss Luthor. " She gasps. "You need to see this. "
The image that lights up is from the docks and there're many helicopters flying around. She's confused until she sees Supergirl emerging from the water with two agents she recognizes from DEO. The reporter informs if it is an FBI mission that went wrong, but she would recognize them and their uniforms anywhere. She sees the wreckage on the docks and the massive body of an alien and she knows Alex Danvers would never be off a dangerous mission.
"Eve... Call Frank. Immediately."
"I already did, Miss Luthor. He's waiting for us."
The streets are damaged and there are cars everywhere. She is so engrossed and stunned, running through the rubble, Eve chasing after her with a badge provided by Haley when she agreed to work with the DEO so they can pass.
She quickly checks the ambulances around, the echo of her high heels attracting prying eyes and she feels her legs trembling when Supergirl finally comes up with a watchful, worried look.
"Miss Luthor. " She greets.
"What happened, Supergirl? "
"The alien was waiting, it was an ambush. Fortunately we managed to knock him down and avoid a tragedy. "
Lena is paralyzed. She knows her purpose. She knows why she came. But suddenly her throat closes, her heart tightens, fear overwhelming her. "Good. That's good." That's all she can say.
"Alex Danvers is okay." Supergirl sighs, looking strangely as relieved as she is to hear it. "She's at the pier, reporting to the Colonel."
And Lena leaves Eve behind to get details with Supergirl and Eve thanks her, the Kryptonian understanding the affliction of the CEO more than she can imagine.
Lena sees her at the pier, her combat suit soaked, her arms trembling, her eyes lost while the Colonel speaks without realizing her absence.
But when she approaches, Alex seems to wake up. Her eyes go wide and she drops the thin blanket from her shoulders. "Lena..."
She looks frail and Lena wants to take her in her arms forever. She saw Alex triumph and retreat on many missions and she can barely understand why she looks so small and damaged, but she doesn't care, rushing to her, putting her coat on her cold shoulders, credling her into her arms. "That's enough for now, Colonel. I request you to dismiss the Director Danvers for today.I'll take her home."
"I'll wait for your report tomorrow, Director Danvers. " Haley nods, not so satisfied.
Lena gently guides her across the pier and Alex leans against her, the cold face on her neck, shaking from head to toe. "I got you, darling. " She whispers. "I got you. "
Frank drives as fast as possible and Lena ignores all L-Corp and Catco's calls. She cherishes Alex in her arms, whispering inconsistencies, her soft breath on her neck keeping her whole.
In the apartment, Alex still looks dazed and remains silent. Lena works quickly, filling the small bathtub with hot water, picking up clean clothes and towels. When Alex closes the door, she sits on the bed and takes a deep breath.
And she finally breaks.
She can't stop the tears from flowing free. It burns in her throat and in her chest, her nails almost tearing the sheets they grab, her high heels slipping on the floor as if even sitting she can't keep them steady. She tries to cover her mouth, but the sobs erupt like screams.
She can't stop thinking she could have lost her today.
"Lena... " The voice from the bathroom sounds faint. "Come here. "
She answers the call, slowly entering the steamy room, tears still trickling down her face. Alex looks at her softly and lovably, holding out her hand, sitting in the tub with her chin on her knees.
And Lena understands what she wants. She gets rid of the heels and earrings and slips the long zipper of the dress, letting it drop from her shoulders to the floor. She accepts Alex's hand and their fingers intertwine as she enters the bath, her thighs straddling hers, Alex's arms immediately tightening around her waist. And they finally feel like breathing again. They lean their foreheads, Lena strokes her hair and Alex strokes her back, the absolute sense of belonging filling the emptiness of two whole weeks in the darkness.
"Lena... " She whispers. "Can I...? "
Lena moans briefly, grabbing her face in her hands and kissing her deeply and passionately, feeling so stupid for running away from her as divine for finally having her in her arms. When they move away, tiny centimeters, unable to go too far, she glimpses Alex's smile and her tears finally stop.
A fine drizzle is falling from the outside and they are sitting on the bed, warm and silent, an empty glass of whiskey on the headboard, Alex lying Lena's chest and Lena holding her with all the gentleness and kindness in the entire world.
"The helicopter cable got stuck in my leg. " Alex whispers and Lena wants to cry again with the mention of what happened. "While I was drowning, I had so many thoughts, Lena. I thought about my parents and Kara. Mostly Kara. I thought about my friends and DEO agents. About J'onn, about Winn in the future centuries. I... I thought about Maggie. And about the child that one day I want. " She takes a moment to take a deep breath. "When I was losing consciousness, I thought about you. And I don't want to scare you by saying this, but I was so afraid of dying without talking to you again... "
And Lena's tears emerge again.
"I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so sorry for running away. I shouldn't... It was so stupid... " She cries.
"Was it because of what James said? About me being in love with you? " She asks almost with a childish fear, shrinking against her.
"No, my dear, it wasn't. It is my fault. It's not even his fault. I was... I was terrified. We had never verbalized it and I didn't know what to do. "
"So talk to me. Don't push me away. Share with me. Back in the pub I said we could talk about our sorrows. I want to. " Alex sits down beside her, holding her hand firmly.
"It's stupid. It makes me feel like a child. " She sighs.
"I know. " Alex smiles. "I've been there. But I'm here with you now. And I want you to trust me. "
"I trust you with my life. "
"Then tell me what's wrong, so we can fix it and and we can enjoy the rain outside for you to read your boring philosophers to me. "
Lena laughs. Wholeheartedly. And she loves it. She loves how genuinely Alex makes her laugh.
She's in love with her.
"I can't remember being this happy. There was Jack and after a while there was James, but it's differente this time. You're differente, Alex Danvers. " She caresses her cheek. "And happiness never works for me. It terrifies me. I don't know what to do with so many happiness you causes me when you're around. Like you know me forever. Like I'm something precious even when we know what I am by the people's eyes. "
"You are. " Alex pulls their foreheads together. "You are something precious, Lena Luthor. "
Alex remembers when she and Maggie started to date. How she ran away and almost lost her. How happiness was a stranger to her and she self-sabotaged and almost ruined everything. She can understand. She wonders if Lena is feeling the same way she felt.
"You're brave and beautiful and so brilliant. Even when people doubt you, you prove them wrong. You're a hero. And you said yourself we are both women who go after what we want and achieve that. I want you. For a long time I was confused about many things before we find each other, but I'm sure of this. I want you. And if you want me too I... "
"I want you. " She interrupts, her eyes glittering with the truth, their lips too close.
"So stay. " Alex keeps their foreheads together, sighing against her face, whispering softly. "Stay close to me, Lena. Let me figure you out. "
Lena wants to kiss her again and again.
"You want this?" She swallows an agonized sob. "Everything?"
"Everything, Lena Kieran Luthor. "
"Can you deal with this? " She laughst sweetly, teasing her. "The impulsive Director DEO, risking saving wounded aliens in pubs, enemy of great philosophers, can wait for we to figured this out together? "
And then, Alex remembers when she asked her out, lying on a stretcher in the DEO, flirting while she took care of her wounds.
"For you? " She smiles and takes Lena's hand, turning her wrist up and tracing her fingers gently over her prominent veins, delicate, staring at the purplish shafts, aware of the sweetness devotion in Lena's eyes fixed on her. She feels her pulse racing and kisses her skin. "For you I can try. "