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Sans sits in the antivoid. The antivoid. It’s that terrible place he’s trapped in; he has been for months. Or was it years? Maybe it was only a few weeks; he’s forgotten. He’s been forgetting a lot lately. It’s hard to keep track of something like time here in the antivoid. He’s been reminding him of the monsters he left behind so he doesn’t forget.
Sans misses monsters. He misses Alphys. He misses her love of anime and how she fought for what was right; that was always her motivation during training. She never treated him like a glass doll and her fiery passion was infectious. Sans remembers watching the tough lizard warrior fight to save everyone from the blue strings that were killing them. He remembers watching her dust literally disappear into thin air. He really misses Alphys, but now he’s here and she’s gone.
He misses Queen Toriel. He misses visiting her every week to have pie together and talk about life in the Underground. He shared his dreams with the kind goat queen and she shared her snail facts with him. Sans had loved listening to her gentle voice as she soothed a monster’s fears. He knew that she missed King Asgore and he always wished he could help her somehow. It hurt seeing his friend sad. It hurt watching the blue strings crush her soul with practiced ease. He misses her courage and steadfast personality. He misses Toriel, and now he’ll never get to see her again.
Sans really misses his brother. Papyrus was always there for him, and it meant the world to Sans because he knew how hard it was for him to do so. He always taunted Papyrus for being lazy, but deep down, he thinks his brother might have been Falling Down. It just made the time he spent with him more precious. The smaller skeleton misses finding his lazy sibling asleep at his sentry. He misses washing that smoke and honey scent out of his sweatshirt when he was too lazy to. He misses waking up in their home and knowing there’s someone else living there, that he’s not alone and that he’s loved.
He even misses Error… As terrible as Error has been to him, despite the fact that Error is the cause of literally all of this, even though Sans is livid at him, he still misses that glitchy version of himself. There were a few times he almost seemed sane, and nice even. How could he leave like that? Why hasn’t he come back?
Sans misses the human. He hadn’t known Chara for very long, but they had been the sweetest human he’d known. They made him feel like he was doing something right with his puzzles. They complimented his tacos. Now he has their soul in his hands, but he can’t find a way out of here. If he could just find a portal back to his AU, then the human could reset and everything would go back to normal and he wouldn’t be trapped here anymore.
Alphys would be back, Queen Toriel would be back, Papyrus would be back, and Sans would never have to worry about coming back here again.
Something wet drips from the lightly glitching skeleton’s face and onto his gloves. Surprised, he puts the soul down and wipes away the tears he hadn’t noticed forming. He hadn’t meant to cry. He doesn’t usually cry, not while he’s here in this awful place. He remembers the first time he cried in front of Error. Heh, the doofus didn’t know how to handle it. The memory of Error rebooting is too silly to resist. It brings a sad smile of Sans’s face and his shoulders bounce in a laughing sob.
It’s soon followed by another, then another, until Sans is openly sobbing into the silence of the antivoid. All of the pain, the loneliness, the grief, that he kept bottled up and hidden comes out in a loud wail. He’s so tired of being alone. He just wants things to go back to the way they used to. Why did Error have to show up and destroy everything? His home, his friends, his safety, all gone… Why… Why…
He’s tried denying it, but he knows it’s true. He’s failed everyone. He’s never going to make it out of here. He’s going to be stuck in the antivoid forever and ever and he’ll never get out. Oh stars, he’s never going to find a way out!
A hiccup catches in Sans’s throat. No, he can’t give up. He can’t just be stuck here! His crying quiets down and his breath quickens. He starts to curl up on himself, grief turning to fear, which in turn becomes panic, The soul next to him sits silent and motionless. Tears continue to stream down his face, leaving dark tracks on his skull.
He’s alone. Everyone is really and truly gone. They’re never coming back. All of his friends are dead and he’s never going to get them back. His brother will never find him and Error will never come back and set him free. He yells into the emptiness of the white space surrounding him. The silence presses in around him. It’s too much, too much. His soul screams, Let me out!
His bones rattle and his soul trembles. Sans shouts for help, but nobody came. He continues curling up, hugging his knees and crying. The panic rises in his soul. He doesn’t want to be here anymore. He didn’t want to be here in the first place, but now being here is unbearable. His grip on his arms tighten. He wants to be let out. He needs to be free. He can’t stand this hell anymore. It’s too quiet, too empty, too lifeless, too much!
Blueberror lets out one final, soul-shattering scream before collapsing on the ground. He stares up at the blue strings holding a plethora of souls, monster and human alike, to the ceiling. He’s never going to get out…
“Please…
“Please, just let me out…
“I don’t want to be alone anymore…
”It hurts…”