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My love,
I once heard the beauty of love lay in its finality. Every touching moment, every heart wrenching experience made all the more poignant for its rarity. It is the knowledge that we will never again be the same as we were in those brief flashes of time. As hard as it is for me to say my love, I'm afraid my end has arrived.
I pray you do not weep for me, we both knew this day would come. I know we had hoped to do this together. To see each other, and fight in the last moments of our lives, side by side, one final time. Yet the Maker works in mysterious ways and that hope can be no longer. I beg you not begrudge me the fact I could not bring you to bear this burden with me. Time is such a fickle mistress and I could not abide watching you sacrifice what life you have left for me. You were always so full of vitality and to watch that spark, that beautiful essence that makes you so rare, slowly wither and die, would wound me worse than any blade.
My beautiful, strong, courageous rose. Since the moment I met you, you have been the shining light in my life. You have given me everything I could ever hope for; love, hope, joy, a family. Things that I never thought possible with the path I have chosen. Yet we walked along it together as long as we were able to. All the stronger for it. We defeated our enemy's and conquered the darkness that threatened to take over the land! But alas as with everything eventually our duty took precedence.
I know it has been a long time love. Sometimes, oh Maker, sometimes it feels like it has been ages. I have woken up some nights in a panic unable to remember the feel of your skin or the smell of your hair. I would give the Maker everything to hold you one last time, to kiss your lips and whisper softly to you words of endearment. Alas my rose, this is all for naught. I have nothing left to give except the hope that this missive finds you well.
I know things were not always easy between us, how they had briefly ended so poorly. I treated you cruelly and resented you for so many years. Maker, I remember how much I yearned to hate you. I could not though, I never could. I am so sorry my love. I beg you to please forgive me for all those wasted years. It will always be the single greatest regret of my life, walking away from you. From us.
I understand now you did what you had to but I was such a foolish boy and could not see past my own selfish desires. I never told you my love but after the Landsmeet, for a time I wandered Thedas, drinking and whoring, doing anything in my power to wipe you from my memory. I am ashamed to say there were days I would wander from the nearest tavern weeping and drunk, aching to start a fight just to feel something beyond the pain in my heart.
Bloody Andraste, I was such a fool! A stupid, pathetic fool. Maybe if I had just stopped for a moment before I left, just listened to you, I would have recognized the wisdom in your choice. My darling, I swear to you, if I could do it over again I would never have left your side. I would have stayed with you in the sight of the Maker until the very end. I would have fought with you, for you, with everything that I am.
Yet, even with the great pitfalls in our journey we found each other love. We found forgiveness and our bond was all the stronger for it. And for those years we had together everything was once again right. I was able to look to the future again with hope. They were the most beautiful years of my life. I only regret that we were unable to have more.
I must go now my love, I can hear the steady thrum of the calling, but know that I carry your memory with me until the end. You have so much good left to do in this world and I know you will make me so proud. Please, do not close yourself to opportunity. Do not waste your remaining years as I did.
With love forever,
Your Alistair
*********
The Warden Commander leant back in her chair, her hands trembled as she brought them to cover her tear streaked face. The fire in the hearth had long gone out leaving the room bitterly cold. She had not been able to stop reading the letter from Alistair. That impossible man! Did he not realize the only thing she ever wanted was to have him by her side? There was no life left without him.
She slammed her hands against the desk over and over as she poured out everything she had in gut wrenching sobs. She picked up anything she could find throwing it as she screamed out her anguish. How could he be so selfish? She had loved him so much.
“We made a promise to each other Alistair! We made a promise!" The commander screamed into the darkness falling to her knees in despair, hands clutching at her hair, pulling, anything to make the pain in her heart ache less. “You swore to me it would be you and I in the end.” How did he not realize that she did not exist without him? "You swore to me," She whispered.
She glanced down at the letter, now splotched with tears from her readings. Glancing to the side at the box that had been attached. She closed her eyes against the pain, unsure what would lay in the beautifully etched gift. Slowly she dragged it over to her, hesitantly untying the golden ribbon. Knowing Alistair he probably sent her his favorite cheese. She smiled sadly to herself at the thought as she drew the lid open.
At the sight inside she brought her hand to her mouth, attempting to stifle her choked sob.
"Oh Alistair," She thought "You foolish sentimental man. I love you too."
She kissed the delicate filigree rose petals, handmade so carefully from pieces of thin metal. Each petal completely individual, not a single one like any before it. Slowly she rose from the floor and smiled.
"See you soon my love."