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Yoongi always acted like his birthday wasn’t a big deal to him, but anyone who spent more than a second around him on the day could easily tell that wasn’t the truth.
In all honesty, Yoongi loved his birthday. Probably more than any other holiday. It wasn’t a huge event that everyone was talking about, stores going out of stock because of it. It was a day he got to spend time with the close people that mattered to him, and even if he wouldn’t admit it he couldn’t help but secretly love that they spoiled him. He always tried to play it off but he knew that they knew he liked it too.
Which was why when Yoongi woke up in the morning to be met with complete silence he had to try convince himself he wasn’t disappointed. Last year he’d been woken up to everyone climbing into his bed, and as much as he’d complained at the time, never once did he protest or tell them to leave.
But this morning, there was complete silence. When he reached over to check his phone, it turned out it wasn’t even that early either. Maybe they were just letting him sleep in?
He decided to go with that reasoning, unlocking his phone to pass the time while he woke up properly. After scrolling through twitter for a few minutes he found that he had many birthday messages, which he was definitely really grateful for, but it wasn't the same as getting them from who he wanted.
Once ten minutes had passed he closed the app, pulling his phone off charge as he sat up. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he eventually climbed out of his bed. Deciding he didn’t want to look gross for when - he assumed - they surprised him, he went straight to the bathroom.
It didn’t take him long to get cleaned up, and was soon in a clean shirt and a pair of the nicest yet most casual jeans he had. After he’d styled his hair and deemed himself presentable enough, he grabbed his phone while he made his way out of the bedroom. The halls were still silent, but he made his way towards the kitchen anyway.
He didn’t know what he expected to see, maybe them all waiting there, a special breakfast ready to greet him with. But when he arrived, there was nothing. A note on the counter caught his attention, and he made his way towards it to pick it up. Sure enough, the top of the paper had his name on, seemingly from Seokjin judging by the handwriting.
He read through it, a small frown making its way on to his lips. The letter told him that the others had already eaten as they didn’t want to wake him and that there were leftovers in the fridge for him. It then went on to say that he’d gone out with some friends for the day, and the others went to practise but should be back later.
After reading through it twice, just to make sure, he slowly set it down. He looked around, half expecting them all to jump around the corner now, trying to scare him. But the silence stayed as he made his way to the fridge, where sure enough, there was a plate of leftovers.
He heated it up, checking his phone while he did so. It was definitely his birthday, the date and all the twitter activity telling him so. There was no way they’d forget, right? They had all been really stressed lately… Including himself, of course. He’d been working himself to the bone, but he’d expected to maybe have this day to relax for the first time in weeks, with the others.
But apparently not.
The plate sat on the counter for a few minutes before he moved to throw the food into the bin, untouched. He put the plate in the sink, before turning to leave the room. The fact that they really weren’t here, that they’d all left already, was sinking in and he didn’t want to be alone in the house.
So he grabbed his keys, slipping on his shoes, before he left. After locking the front door he headed away from the building, wanting to get to the studio as soon as possible. He had stuff to work on, anyway, it had been stupid of him to think he had time for relaxing.
———
It was hours before Yoongi looked away from the monitor, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the lack of brightness from the screen. He checked his phone, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to play off the disappointment he felt when there was nothing there as the fact he still hadn’t gotten the song he’d been working on for so long right.
Which was part of it, to be fair. He’d been working on this piece for weeks now, yet so far it had never sounded right. With deadlines quickly approaching it only meant he got more frustrated with it, and himself. Most of the other songs were finished, but it was just this one that seemed to hate him.
He turned his phone screen back off, leaning into the chair with a sigh. Turning back to the monitor he decided to try again, maybe with something different to than what he’d tried before. He focused hard, more than hopeful when it seemed like it was working.
It was a while later before he finished the piece, leaning forward in his seat, chewing his lower lip as he pressed play. The melody fit, and as the song went on he found himself sighing in relief, after weeks of trying to get it right all he had to do was switch around the tune a little.
He listened all the way through, a small smile on his face once it finished. It played through again as he searched around in the desk drawer for the hard drive he needed, pulling it out. He plugged it in, ready to save the file onto it and finally be done, and he could tell Namjoon they could finally start working on-
The computer screen went black, just as his mouse had been hovering over the save button. He froze, eyes stuck on the screen as he hoped that it was just a loose wire. But seconds later the ‘restarting’ sign came up, and his heart stopped in his chest. He waited for it to reboot before rushing to reopen the software, telling himself it was okay, he’d clicked save in time.
But there was nothing there.
He checked once, twice, three times. Everywhere. He checked the recovered files, but it told him there was nothing there.
It was gone.
He’d finally got it right, after weeks and weeks. And it was gone like that. When he’d been less than a second away from pressing save. And the worst part? He couldn’t even remember what he’d done. The time had passed by so quickly and he hadn’t registered what he was doing until he realised that it sounded right.
He should have probably been annoyed, maybe enough to hit the desk a few times, or throw something. But… he wasn’t. He stared at the screen for a few minutes, unmoving. And he didn’t really feel anything. Or know what to feel.
He debated maybe trying again, trying to recreate it. But he was too tired. It’d only been a few hours since he woke up, but he was ready to climb back into bed and sleep for the rest of the day. So he shut everything down, not even thinking about most of his movements, as if his body was on autopilot.
It wasn’t long before he’d gathered up all his stuff, pulling on his jacket he’d grabbed on the way out of the house earlier, and left.
———
The house was still empty when he got back, and he was greeted only by the silence. But he didn’t care anymore at that point, and headed straight for his room. He tugged off his jacket as he went, dumping it on the floor once the bedroom door closed behind him. His phone and keys got dumped on the bedside unit, before he let himself fall against the mattress.
The light wasn’t on, and he hadn’t bothered pulling the curtains open that morning. But he didn’t care it was dark, it was better actually. He shifted around on the bed until he could tug the covers over himself, burying his face against the pillow. It wasn’t long before he felt himself drifting off, exhausted, mentally and physically.
———
The first thing he knew when he was woken up again, was that it sadly wasn’t the next day already. There was no light shining in from behind the curtains, and it didn’t feel like he’d slept that long. It didn’t feel like he’d slept at all, actually. He was probably more tired than he had been before.
The second thing was that he’d been woken by the sound of the front door opening, judging by the way he heard it slam close over the voices. He’d hated the silence earlier, but now he wanted it back again. He listened for a while, part of him still hoping they’d at least come through to see him.
But nobody did.
The voices varied, some of them obviously going to drop stuff off in their rooms. But in the end it sounded like everyone had gathered in the living room, and though he couldn’t make out their words it sounded like they were having fun.
Eventually the voices blurred into the background, and all became just other noise as stared blankly at the wall across from him. It could have been hours he lay there, as if his mind was just… still.
At some point, it all came crashing down on him. The fact everyone had forgot his birthday, as stupid as it sounded, even though they knew how much he secretly loved it. The exhaustion of weeks and weeks of hard work. The fact all after all the hard work, it was taken away just like that when he’d finally got it right. The deadlines fast approaching and he’d been stupid enough to not save it quicker when he’d finally got it right. Why couldn’t he just do one thing right? He was tired of it. But he couldn’t even sleep it off because no matter how much he slept, the exhaustion constantly hung over his head and it was all too much and he couldn’t even-
For the first time in months , Yoongi let himself do something he rarely let himself do. He cried.
It wasn’t dramatic, he didn’t suddenly burst into loud sobs or scream as tears soaked his pillow.
Instead, it was tears prickling in his eyes, slowly gathering. His chest grew tighter, and his body shook a little. He curled up on himself, as if making himself smaller would help him disappear completely. He felt the tears eventually start slipping down his cheeks, sniffling before a quiet hiccup left him. His breathing grew uneven, and he felt his cheeks slowly becoming wetter.
He let out a choked noise, trying to hold it all in. And there was a knock at the door, causing him to tense up. He tried to hold his breath, hard to do with the occasional hiccup, but maybe if he was quiet enough they’d go away. For the first time in the day, he just wanted to be alone.
But apparently they weren’t giving up. “Hyung? Are you in here?” Came the quiet voice as the door slowly creaked open, the shuffling noise telling him that Taehyung was entering the room. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter as more tears threatened to gather, making himself as still as he could while shaking.
“Are you asleep? I can see you moving…” The younger commented, and Yoongi could sense him closer. He tensed up further as he felt him right at the edge of the bed, panic settling in as he heard him fumbling in the dark for what he assumed was the bedside lamp switch. “Hyung, come on. What are you-“
The light clicked on, and Yoongi couldn’t see anything by the way his eyes were tightly closed, but he’d heard the way he’d suddenly stopped speaking. Did he really look at much of a mess?
He probably did. His cheeks got all red and puffy when he cried. So did his eyes. His lips were probably raw from the amount he’d chewed them all day, and bit on them to try keep quiet. He could imagine his hair was a mess, sticking up from how he’d been laying against the pillow. He probably looked disgusting.
Taehyung wasn’t speaking up, so Yoongi took it upon himself to break the quiet. His voice wobbled, and he hated the way it cracked halfway through. “Get- get out.” He tried, more tears forming in embarrassment at how ridiculous the younger had caught him being, and he wanted to cry all over again. In peace.
“Hey…” The others voice spoke up, softly. Like he was speaking to a child. He was acting like a child. “What’s wrong? Why are you..?” He didn’t continue, cut off by a weak noise rising from Yoongi’s chest.
“Nothing! N-nothing. Just get out. I’m fine.” Yoongi cried, startling himself with the sob that left him at the end of his sentence. And he couldn’t stop it from there. He curled up further, trying to hide himself as tears fell from his eyes, sobs leaving his mouth.
There was some shuffling, and he could sense Taehyung wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t there. He’d left. Yoongi hadn’t wanted him to actually leave. But he did, Yoongi was being an asshole because he was upset they’d forgotten his birthday, and he left. His birthday. He wasn’t five anymore. Why was he being so fucking ridiculous? Why was it bothering him so much? It shouldn’t. He was a grown man. He could deal with a missed birthday and not being acting like this as if he was-
He hadn’t noticed the presence of another person until he was being tugged out of his balled up position, a sudden warmth against his side and around him, telling him that he’d been pulled against someone’s chest. He couldn’t tell who it was in his state, but he didn’t try move.
He instinctively leaned into it, burying his face against whoever it was and let himself cry. He’d hate himself for it later, but he just couldn’t stop. He barely registered the quiet murmuring, the way he was being rocked.
It was a few minutes before he’d calmed down enough to register everything. The way the shirt he was hiding against was soaked. The way they were gently rubbing his back, rocking side to side. What was he doing?
He tensed up, moving to push himself away, but the arms around him only tightened. “Hey, it’s okay...” Namjoon. Namjoon currently had him curled up against his chest like a child, when he was meant to be the older one. “It’s alright, I’ve got you.” He tried his best to believe the assurances, he really did.
Namjoon continued whispering to him, slowly calming him down. He eventually realised his hands were tightly gripping the youngers shirt, and that the others had also entered the room at some point. But he didn’t try move away again, letting himself relax against him further as the tears stopped coming.
He was left sniffling, turning his head to wipe his eyes on Namjoon’s shirt, considering it was soaked already it didn’t matter much. The room was quiet apart from the occasional murmur from the side of the room, and Namjoon still whispering to him. Once his breathing had evened out he loosened his grip on him, but didn’t let go. He lifted his head just slightly, moving to rest it in his shoulder rather than the wet path, opening his eyes.
He saw the others standing at the side of the bed, watching him in concern. They all gave him a small smile as he glanced over them, but he could still see the worry behind them. None of them spoke up first, and he eventually turned his head back into the youngers shoulder in embarrassment at the staring.
“Are you alright? What happened?” Namjoon asked him quietly, still slowly rubbing circles in his back. It was surprisingly comforting now that he noticed it, and he let out a shaky sigh.
“I-I’m just being stupid…” Yoongi eventually spoke up, his voice slightly wobbly but at least it didn’t crack this time. “I just- I don’t… Everything’s been so much, and then-“
Namjoon shushed him before he could get himself worked up again, and he took in a deep breath to calm down. “We’ve been working so much the last few weeks…” He started again. “And I-I’m so tired. But no matter how much I sleep it doesn’t go away. And the song I’ve been working on, I got it right. I got it right and I tried to save it and it- it just crashed again and it was gone. And- and it’s so stupid but I just wanted to relax for one today but you all forgot my birthday and I just- I couldn’t, I’m so tired…”
He trailed off, another small sob racking his chest and he felt Namjoon hold him closer as he squeezed his eyes shut. “You… You think we forgot your birthday?” Yoongi heard Hoseok ask, and he slowly opened his eyes to look over at them.
“Well, I woke up and nobody was here, so I just- And there was just leftovers, and I thought maybe it was a joke but… Nobody appeared, so I went to the studio and I didn’t even get a message or anything and then I came back and you still weren’t here.” He told them, quietly.
There was a series of sighs, and then he watched as Seokjin shuffled forward, sitting on the edge of the bed. “We didn’t forget your birthday…” The older told him, chewing his lip for a few seconds. “We just- We we’re going to pretend we did? To surprise you. We assumed you’d be gone longer, and everything would be ready when you came back. We’ve spent the day getting everything ready, which is why we had to leave early. We didn’t think you’d get this upset over it, we wouldn’t have if we’d known…”
Yoongi sniffled, shaking his head. “No… No. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset over it, it was stupid. It’s just a birthday, you didn’t do anything wrong…” He told him.
“It’s not stupid, Yoongi.” Seokjin frowned, and he saw the others nod in agreement to the side. “It’s your birthday, and we know that it’s important to you. We shouldn’t have left you with completely nothing, even if we were planning something for later.”
“You really didn’t forget..?” He asked, glancing around at all of them, hesitantly. Maybe they just felt bad now and were saying that to make him feel better.
“We didn’t forget.” Jimin spoke up, and Yoongi glanced over to him, greeted with a warm smile. “How could we? One of the most important days of the year. Plus, it’s really cute how much you enjoy it, even if you pretend like you don’t.”
Yoongi huffed quietly at this, rolling his eyes as the others laughed in agreement. “Shut up.” He told him, though not meaning it seriously. “It’s… Alright, I guess.”
“Alright?” Hoseok teased, raising an eyebrow. “So… I guess you don’t want your special birthday meal, with all your favourite foods, and presents then?”
There was a silence, all of them watching Yoongi expectantly, who was looking between them trying to figure out if he was serious. “I mean…” He started. “If you’ve done it already, it’d be rude of me to not.”
They all laughed at his excuse, and Namjoon gently pat his back. “Uh huh, sure. Come on then, are you hungry?” He asked, and of course at that moment, Yoongi’s stomach decided it was a good time to make a loud rumbling noise.
His face flushed, but he tried to not act too bothered. “I- uh… Yeah, a little bit?” He said, with a small shrug.
“A little bit?” Jungkook spoke up, watching him with an amused smile. “Hasn’t it only been a few hours since you had the leftovers that hyung left?” He asked, and Yoongi thought back to himself throwing them straight into the bin.
“Oh…” He murmured, glancing down briefly before he shook his head. “No, I wasn’t really in the mood to eat… I just threw it out, so I haven’t ate.” Yoongi admitted.
“You haven’t eaten yet?” Seokjin asked, pulling out his phone to check the time. “That’s it, come on. Everyone, pile through. Time for food, gather around the table.” He said, as he stood up, ushering the others out of the room.
Namjoon loosened his hold on him, gently rubbing his arms as he pulled away. “You alright?” He asked Yoongi quietly, while everyone was distracted. He gave a light smile, nodding to reassure him.
“I’m fine now, thank you.” He told him, letting go of his shirt, shifting to climb out of the bed. “I’m… sorry about the song. I swear, I had it all done and then… It crashed again, like it’s been doing for weeks.”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about, it wasn’t your fault. We can figure it out another day, okay? For now, let’s have fun. Come on, food time.” Namjoon told him with a smile, grabbing Yoongi’s hand when the older was done wiping his own cheeks, tugging him through.
The first thing he noticed was all the decorations. There were banner and pictures and balloons everywhere in the kitchen and living room, even in the halls. When they reached the table it was nearly set, and just as said, with all of his favourite foods. They fussed over him as he sat down, all trying to make sure he had enough food. He grumbled, back to acting like he didn’t love it, even though he did.
And that wasn’t even the end of it. They dragged him to the couch, forcing him to sit down. One by one they gave him gifts, making him open then and there, much to his embarrassment. He’d got new shoes, along with some jewellery he’d been eyeing up for weeks now though had been unsure if he’d get it or not. A new leather jacket from Jimin, who’s stolen his old one, that he had to admit was very nice. He got a mix of things from all of them, much more than he’d expected to get, and he almost felt bad for thinking they’d forget.
He thought it was over, but apparently it hadn’t been. Namjoon handed him over a box, with a grin on his face. The others watched him excitedly, he didn’t trust that, as he slowly opened it. There was a brown box inside, no indication of what it was on the packaging. He looked up, questioningly.
“Computer parts.” The younger explained, gesturing to the box. “I had a look at your computer and everything, when you said it’s been crashing a lot lately. I know you hate replacing the whole thing because you have to transfer everything so I looked around for what could have been causing it and… got you the parts you needed to fix it, so it stops crashing on you.”
Yoongi’s eyes slid down to the box as he listened, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Maybe it was just because he was tired or maybe he was more emotional because he’d cried earlier, but the fact Namjoon had remembered him complaining about it and didn’t just brush him off made his chest tighten up a little. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure what to say.
Luckily, Namjoon continued instead. “You don’t have to thank me, it’s alright.” He said, obviously having seen his struggle. “Just promise me you won’t overwork yourself, okay? And we are here, if you ever need help. It doesn’t make you any less good if you ask for help.”
He met his gaze, giving a small nod and a smile that he hoped conveyed how grateful he was. For all of them. Sometimes he wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve any of them, nevermind all of them.
Their attention was drawn back to Jungkook as the youngest clapped his hands, before rubbing them together. “Unfortunately, that’s all the presents.” He ignored Yoongi’s look of disbelief, he’d gotten much more than expected and he was saying unfortunately? “But we do however, have lots of ice cream, blankets and movies to be watching.”
The others cheered at the idea, some of them scrambling off to presumably get ready to settle down. Yoongi thanked them all quietly, before shuffling off to his room with the gifts he’d gotten. He put them all away as quickly as he could, before slipping into more comfortable clothes.
By the time he made his way back to the living room in shorts and a hoodie, everyone else was ready to get comfortable. Most of them had a blanket in hand, while the three younger ones had tubs of ice cream with two spoons each. He was about to question who wasn’t having, when Hoseok pushed a tub and spoon into his hands. “Birthday boy gets his own.” He told him with a grin, before tugging him towards the couch.
Yoongi didn’t get the chance to protest before he was pushed into the middle of one of the couches, Jimin and Namjoon suddenly at either side of him. The others sat on the couch nearby, an ice cream between two of them. Yoongi was suddenly aware the two beside him both had a blanket, when he was draped in both of them.
“Everyone ready?” Seokjin asked, already having a spoonful of ice cream shoved into his mouth thanks to Jungkook beside him. “I- Eat up, then.” He said, pressing play on the movie as everyone dug in.
Yoongi was a little behind though, busy focusing on everyone around him rather than opening up his own tub. Had he really thought they’d forgotten about this? He actually thought they’d do that? They’d just wanted to surprise him, wait until he was out of the house before they came back to decorate it for him. It was his own fault he’d gotten upset, because he’d came home early, and ruined it.
But he forced himself to ignore his thought as Namjoon tugged him slightly closer, snapping him out of his thoughts. He leaned against him as he opened his ice cream, getting comfortable as Jimin leaned into his side, Yoongi happily welcoming the warmth. They shifted their attention to the movie, one he hadn’t seen before, as they ate. A light smile was brought to his face occasionally as Jimin reached his arm over him to feed Namjoon a mouthful of ice cream, and he didn’t mind at all.
Even if the start to the day had been shitty, it was maybe one of the best days of the year so far. It was exactly what he wanted, to just relax and spent time with the people that really mattered to him, and what better way to do that than to watch hours worth of movies, cuddling on the couch with ice cream?
And from now on, maybe Yoongi wouldn’t pretend he didn’t enjoy his birthday, he wasn’t fooling anyone.