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It was not love at first sight.
Anzu was perfect, but it wasn’t love at first sight. Mao saw her as a partner, an irreplaceable companion from their revolution time. Then he saw her as someone worth his respect, a girl strong enough to boss a bunch of high school boys around. Then after all that settled in, he realized he was in love.
So it wasn’t love at first sight, but it didn’t take so long for him to fall for her.
He couldn’t guess any of her action though, so it come as a surprise when she confess at their graduation. He always thought Anzu like Hokuto, with the way they practically glued to each other. Anzu laughed and explain that they stick together because Hokuto is Trickstar’s leader, but the only thing Mao remember clearly is Anzu’s beautiful laugh.
You see, after three years of hanging out with guys, it became easier to notice all the delicate features a girl have. He have a crush on her since their second year, but really, who doesn’t? And it goes beyond her being the only girl in their close vicinity. She was fierce, their goddess of victory. Strong and clever and nice and everything more. But she was a producer, and he was an idol.
Even now, he can’t just call her when he want to, or hold her hand in public, he can’t even look at her for longer than what is professionally acceptable. He’s an idol who belong to no one, and the world won’t forgive him for loving her. It kinda hurt, loving her from a distance when they should be so close.
But the bliss of just having her by his side make the pain feel insignificant.
“You’re spacing out.” Anzu poke his arm, her voice interrupt his train of thought. She intertwined their fingers, ignoring the sand between their palms. In a way it makes their touch feels more real, something Mao will miss when they’re apart. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing. It just feel kinda surreal, y’know? Watching a sunset with you.”
“You’re an idol, we can’t just go on dates whenever I want to.” Mao hummed in response, knowing it may be harder for her than it is for him. Anzu always been so mature about it, never whined or complained about hiding their relationship. Sometime Mao envied her for her strength. He said it once; Anzu called him a fool and admitted that she feels as helpless as he did.
“You can go with us on the tour. It wouldn’t be weird.” He offered this to her before, but she rejected it right away. Apparently her work is more important than a childish escapade. Mao can’t ask her to prioritize him—he’d do the same. They’re both way too professional to ditch work for personal reasons.
“It’s not like I don’t want to go, but I’m working on UNDEAD’s album, Koga-kun will kill me if I leave before Sakuma-san finished all the songs. Even if it’s not weird, there’s no reason for me to follow you guys. Even if there’s problem with the concerts, your manager can resolve it.” Anzu’s voice sounds full with reluctance, and her grip on his hand tightened a little. Her expression tell Mao the things she didn’t said.
She want to go on the national tour with Trickstar.
She don’t want to be left behind.
She would follow them to the end of world, because Tricktar is not simply a unit she produce—their relationship is deeper than that.
(She doesn’t want this evening to come to an end, since Mao have to go to Haneda Airport right away, while she going to drive home alone.)
Mao won’t have to deal with loneliness the way she did. He will have Subaru, Hokuto, and Makoto with him, a luxury Anzu couldn’t afford. It’s not the first time they leave her on a tour, but it’s the first time she showed her feeling about it.
“Tell them it’s for emotional support.”
“’I have to go on the tour with Trickstar, my boyfriend needs emotional support. Yeah, I’ve been dating Isara Mao for five years. I can go? Really? Thank you.’” The vulnerabilities she showed earlier gone without a trace, replaced by sarcasm. The joke went unappreciated. “I will lose my job before I could state which one of you is my boyfriend. Interesting idea, though. Maybe next time.”
“Why don’t you marry me so you have a legal reason to go with me?” There’s a beat of silence before Anzu laugh.
“Mao-kun, are you okay?”
“Better than okay; I’m in love with you.” A long silence answer Mao’s confession, and it took all his courage to look at Anzu properly. He can’t read her perfectly, even after all this year, but she doesn’t look mad or disappointed, and that’s all that matter. “I can’t guarantee your happiness or anything. But it just hit me that if I have a chance to spend the rest of my life with you, I’d take it. What do you think?”
“I think I spent too much time around UNDEAD, because I want to react the way Koga-kun would, with a lot of expletives.” Anzu fold her legs and hide her face on her knees. She didn’t let go of his hand. Mao take it as a good sign. “Wait, let me think. I’m a mess.”
“You don’t have to answer now, I know it’s a big decision. Think of it as a heads up for when I propose you for real. I don’t even have a ring now, but I really want you to go with me?”
“Damn you and your impulses. You proposed just so I could tag along Trickstar on your tours? Are you stupid?” Her embarrassment seeped through the words, taking the edges away. Mao feels a little satisfied by her reaction.
“I’m not? Also there’s a lot of other reasons. You want to hear it? It’s because you’re just so beautiful, and nice, and attentive. You’re straightforward, and you know how to stop me before I make wrong decision. You understand me the way no one else did, and I’m so grateful for that. And most of all, Anzu-chan—”
“Mao-kun, stop, I get it—”
“—I love you, and I don’t think I will feel this way toward anyone else.”
“Don’t talk to me, I’m dying.” Mao grinned as he wait for Anzu to recover, and the silence go on for few more minutes until she look up. “Did you really proposed to me? You know, even if we got married, my job is still my priority. And we have to keep it a secret. You’re an idol, you could get in problem just by dating someone, and now you’re talking about marriage. Are you serious?”
“I am. Just think it over, alright? And even if you don’t want to, it’s not like we have to break up.” Which is stupid, because why would Mao commit to a relationship without any future? But he would anyway, if it for Anzu.
“Wait, did you seriously think I would reject you?” Mao blink back at Anzu’s dumfounded expression, trying to track back where did he said something wrong. He found nothing. So he just wait until Anzu explain herself. “We dated for years, you big silly boy. It’s a commitment that will last forever. I’m just questioning your timing and your motives right now! I know we’re getting married someday, but I thought it will be years from now?”
That was more than what Mao could process.
“Did you just,” Mao took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “Did you just say yes?”
“I said so much and that’s the only thing you catch?” Her words filled with disbelief, but the pretty shade of red on her cheeks is all Mao could see. “Yeah, that was a yes. You have to wait though, it can’t be sooner than next year.”
“That’s enough. I’d wait forever for you, but thank god it doesn’t have to be forever.” His grin come back full force, and he jump up before offering his hand to Anzu. “Let’s go, I got a plane to catch.”
Anzu smiled weakly, letting Mao pull her into a hug. She grasp the back of Mao shirt tightly, enough for Mao too realize her loneliness. And Mao share his warmth with her, promising to come back no matter how far he go.
Whatever the name of their bond, Mao will always come home to Anzu.