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“It’s important for you to understand your characters. You need to know them in order to become them. I know it can be weird for you to play lovers with another man, but remember we’re staying true to Shakespearean times. This is how it was done back then. Anyway, I don’t think I need to remind you guys how incredibly important this production is for your grades.” Both of them stare down at their laps.
“You two are my strongest actors. You have these roles because you deserve them. However, you are playing lovers. The line delivery is progressing well, but in every other aspect you are lacking. Whatever your relationship is off stage is not my business, but on stage you need to be absolutely smitten.” Director Seo’s stare feels like it pierces through them.
Jae shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He has been hoping that his personal dislike for his co-star wasn’t as noticeable as it apparently is. Jae opens his mouth to try and defend himself, maybe apologize, but director Seo looks at him and holds up a finger that silences him.
“I’ve already made my decision on how I want you two to work this out. I'm aware that neither of you have had roles where romance is such a strong focus, so this is a drastic change. Romeo and Juliet is no easy feat. I am also aware that you two do not get along- oh don’t try me Younghyun I'm your teacher, I see more than you think I do.” Jae turns to see Younghyun with a defensive look on his face, ready to make an excuse for their behavior towards each other. Just like Jae had barely a minute prio, Younghyun makes the wise choice of keeping his mouth shut and letting Director Seo continue.
“From now on, every tech and set day we have, you’re not going to be working with the rest of the team. Instead on Thursdays every week, you’re going to spend time with each other and learn to find some middle ground. I'm not expecting you to become best friends, but you can't work when you two are this uncomfortable with each other. Am I understood?”
This isn’t good. This isn’t good because Jae is too awkward and Younghyun’s head is too far up his ass for this. However, Director Seo does not look like she is in the mood to take no for an answer so both boys give the slightest of nods and rush out of there as fast as possible.
Jae goes to collect his bag when Younghyun pulls him back by the arm and stops him. Jae yanks his arm away because what the hell, and spits out a “what?”
“Hey, I don’t like this as much as you do. Don’t give me shit for something I can't control.”
“What do you want?”
Younghyun looks at him incredulously, “what, you’re just going to do this? No complaints or snappy retorts? Damn, leave it up to you to shut up the one time I need you not to.”
“As if Seo is going to change her mind. You know there’s no point, stop pushing it.”
Younghyun rolls his eyes.
-
Younghyun is sprawled out on the carpeted floor when Jae gets there, a piece of paper clutched in his hand. He doesn’t bother looking up when Jae enters.
“She has a list, a fucking list . Things we’re supposed to do ‘to get to know each other better.’”
“I’m tired of this and we haven’t even started yet.”
“Oh wow, look at that, we agree on something. Marvelous.”
Jae looks down to the boy on the floor with pure annoyance and a little bit of disbelief, “what do you, like, get off on being the most unpleasant person to talk to or something?”
Younghyun lets his eyes fall shut and slowly drags his free hand down his face before sighing, “I'm sorry. It’s just that we have enough to do already, this feels fucking unnecessary.”
“Yeah, well, we gotta trust that she knows what she’s doing. Now, hand me the stupid ass list.”
Younghyun, all pouty, extends his arm up to hold up the paper, but doesn’t move any further. Jae rolls his eyes but walks over to where the other boy is sulking on the floor anyway. Grabbing the piece of paper, he starts to skim through the list and decides to just start from the top.
“Okay come on, we’re doing number five: ‘Go to a café and order for each other’ Why does this sound suspiciously like she’s making us go on a date?”
Younghyun snorts, “might wanna tell her you don’t swing that way.”
“I literally swing every way, it’s impossible for that statement to apply.”
For the first time in the entire interaction, Younghyun’s head snaps around to look Jae directly in the eyes. His surprise is obvious from the owlish way his eyes are examining Jae, as if he’s looking at him in a completely new light. The intensity makes Jae’s skin burn just slightly.
“You’re not straight?”
And Jae cracks. Maybe it’s from the nervousness that comes with having a conversation that isn’t fueled with hatred with the man he’s named his arch nemesis, or the way Younghyun’s voice had dropped to a dramatic whisper as if he was asking about something of grave concern. Either way, Jae starts uncontrollably laughing. He’s doubled over and the paper in his fist is being scrunched up, but he can't stop giggling. Younghyun at this point looks more shocked beyond anything.
Somethings shifted between them. Jae’s smile is the bright sun cutting through the dark clouds of tension that used to loom over their heads.
“Definitely- definitely not straight.” Jae manages to wheeze out as his laughter finally starts to die down.
Younghyun’s cheeks and ears are heating up, tinted with pink. He ducks his head and gets up before Jae can notice. “Whatever, let’s go.” He intends for it to come out rude and demanding, but he’s far too flustered and his voice comes out so high it’s almost squeaky. Jae, sadly, does notice this and explodes into another fit of giggles.
“What type of pretentious hipster ass coffee sh-”
“How dare you this is my favorite plac-”
“Why am I not surprised? Of course you’d like this place. Bet you come here to sit and write two-line poetry about how your heart is a rose but alas someone has RIPPED IT AP-”
“Jae, shut up! Oh my fucking god there are so many people staring at us you fucker.”
“Sirs, I'm going to have to ask you to please leave.”
-
They end up finding another coffee shop closer to campus. It’s a lot more secluded with vines growing all over the walls and light streaming in from the glass panes on the ceiling. Jae’s about to go and order before he remembers the task they need to accomplish.
“Wait, I need to know if you like cold or warm drinks. Give me that at least.” Jae turns around at Younghyun’s voice to find the other boy staring at the abundance of choices of drinks written in chalk on the massive wall behind the counter.
“Nope. I want you to struggle as much as possible. It’s amusing for me.” Jae turns to grin at Younghyun as he says it.
“You know this is a two-way street, right? If you help me, I help you.”
“Don’t need it. I know all of your drink orders. You drink Earl Grey with a bunch of extra sugar on days you have less work. Peach tea, sometimes with tapioca beads when you’re having a really good day. And an iced americano, no sugar on every other day.” Jae recites off as if it’s completely normal for him to know that.
Younghyun’s eyebrows are so high up his forehead they might as well fly off. Jae lets what he’s done dawn on him and his palms start sweating almost immediately. It was a reflex, but hearing himself out loud made him realize how incredibly stalker-ish he sounded. He needs to explain, try to come up with at least a kind of shitty explanation, but panic has taken over him and he’s frozen in place, mind working a mile a second, but fear settles deep and he struggles to get out a whole word.
“Oh my god. You’re the one who always drinks like half of my drink.” Younghyun is gaping at him, but, much to Jae’s relief, has yet to look visibly angry.
“Uhh.”
Younghyun grins, right corner of his mouth lifting up. Jae finally manages to blurt out a “I’m so sorry.”
Younghyun laughs, “you fucking creep.” There's no malice in his voice like Jae had expected.
“I promise I didn't do it in a stalker-ish way. I just wanted to annoy you, I swear.” Okay, bad justification, but at least it’s the truth. Younghyun gives him a small smile and says nothing else.
He ends up ordering a hot chocolate with extra mini marshmallows for Jae. Jae acts like he hates it, Younghyun grins at him knowingly.
-
“Romeo! Get your ass over here asshole.”
“Hold on, I’m not wearing pants.” Jae yells back from god knows where in the theatre.
“I need help with this stupid ass balloon skirt. I swear these were made to minimize mobility for women. Probably how they got them to not run away from their psycho husbands.”
Younghyun hears Jae too-loud laughter getting closer. The door to his dressing room opens. He turns his head to grin at Jae over his shoulder, Jae smiles back.
-
Their dynamics have changed. They don’t fight any less, the constant bickering fills the silence between every scene. But now, the level of aggression has gone down. They’ve gotten better on stage too. Their body language is more open, they look at each other with a certain softness of new love. Like the first willing step into a new narrative where they feel more than hatred or resentment. Instead, they seek to understand each other, willing to help the other grow. And along the edges, very faintly, there’s a little bit of trust.
-
Seo knows them too well, which is why she gives them ‘Task number 14: Compose together or for each other’. It’s one they’ve both been dreading because of how different the music they make is. Younghyun is all EDM with harsh beat drops and drums that feel like they’re penetrating Jae’s skull. Instead, Jae is soft pianos with the dramatic crescendo of cellos. Mixing them would be a nightmare from the deepest levels of hell. Neither of them can agree on anything, not even the mood of the piece.
It could be really cool, and there is a small part of Jae that has wanted to try something like this, but doing it with him of all people is bound to end in chaos.
Still, they’re here, Younghyun fiddling around with a guitar and Jae playing the same three notes on the piano.
“Do you- this is a bit ridiculous but, would you happen to play the violin?”
Jae peeks over the piano to meet eyes with Younghyun at the question, “yeah? Yeah I can.”
“I wanna try something. Just, trust me on this?”
Jae is a little skeptical, not sure how much he trusts the other boy yet. He nods anyway.
The piece turns out amazing. They both play it for their friends who gush about how well the instruments tie themselves together and how they were brilliant for coming up with this. Jae gives Younghyun the softest of smiles.
-
Somewhere along the line, it happens accidentally. They’re both a little buzzed from the bottle of rum Jae stole from Wonpil’s secret stash. (He’ll kill him, but Jae doesn’t really care right now. Can’t care when Younghyun is looking at him like Jae’s put all the stars back in his sky, giggling softly at every stupid joke they share.)
At some point they’re just a little too close, but they’re not sober enough to care. Younghyun ignores the movie and walks his fingers up Jae’s arm, Jae swears every single spot he touches burns. He keeps going, trails all the way up Jae’s neck to gently place his fingers against Jae’s soft cheek.
And Jae thinks fuck it .
Grinning, pushes Younghyun down until he’s on his back, all of Jae’s warmth pressing up against him. A giggle makes its way out of Younghyun’s throat and he blinks up at Jae, eyes big and glazed.
Jae can’t find it in himself to care about consequences, leans down and ever so softly places the gentlest of kisses on Younghyun’s lips. He pulls away just enough to see Younghyun’s expression, wants to make sure the other boy is okay with it. Turns out he didn’t need to since Younghyun grabs the front of his hoodie to pull him back down and kiss him again.
They kiss for years and years. A symphony of hammering heartbeats and quiet moans that neither care about hiding anymore. Younghyun is soft in his lap, hands seeking warmth out. It’s everything, it’s more. Younghyun is looking at him with the entire galaxy in his eyes. They giggle into each other, heads tucked away in the others necks. Their hands never leave the other, lips still seeking. When they eventually go to sleep, swollen lips and hearts full, they’re still wrapped around each other.
They don’t talk about the next morning under the ruse of having horrible hangovers. Even though neither of them had nearly enough alcohol to feel as horrible as they were pretending to. It’s an unspoken mutual understanding. It never happened.
-
They’ve done quite a few of the tasks. Even some of the more ridiculous ones like ‘cook a meal together with one person blindfolded and the other person’s hands tied’ (Younghyun had made a joke about kinks during this one and Jae was thankful that Younghyun was blindfolded so he couldn’t see how Jae’s face turned the color of a flaming hot cheeto) or ‘watch each other's’ favorite movies’ which had led to a long conversation where Jae established that soulmates were bullshit capitalist propaganda that was made to promote the dreadful, over commercialized nightmare that was Valentine’s day, (Younghyun had been very adamant about his opinion that soulmates do exist and Jae would suffer through the task of finding someone who he didn’t annoy to death forever, he got popcorn thrown at him for that one).
Its during a more normal one that Younghyun brings it up. They’re in a library reading a book the other has picked.
“Jae.”
“Hmm?” Jae hums back still engrossed in his copy of All The Light We Cannot See (internally, Jae had been shocked when Younghyun had picked it for him because he had been trying to finish the book since forever. Younghyun had mentioned that he'd noticed Jae had brought it to rehearsals multiple times but his bookmark barely moved, said he thought he’d force Jae to finally finish it).
“Why do we hate each other?”
To that Jae’s eyes shoot up to his. He’d assumed they were never going to address that considering how much progress they had made. Jae wasn’t sure he was ready to address this because the boy in front of him is so so different to the boy he hated for years.
They were the oddest of friends, bonding over oddly specific humor and mutual liking for things no one else seemed to have ever heard of.
He was so comfortable with the weird friendship they had going on. Ignoring their past meant that Jae wouldn't have to dig up those ugly old feelings of jealousy, anger, helplessattraction . Could pretend that he was never that person.
But here they were, about to have that damn conversation. It’s not that Jae doesn’t have the answers, no, quite the opposite actually. Jae knows exactly why he had started being rude to the boy. Remembers his bright smile and how everyone seemed to be immediately enamoured by the cute new boy. Remembers the nervousness in his soft voice when he had directly addressed Jae saying “it’s really nice to meet you, I can’t wait to work with you.” He had smiled so hard his eyes had disappeared, and Jae had unmistakably felt his heart skip a beat.
Remembers how scared he felt when he went home and Younghyun’s soft voice was on his mind. Remembers walking past one of the more secluded music rooms once and stopping because of the most heart wrenching piano piece he had ever heard, remembers peeking in to find Younghyun alone, lost in his thoughts but fingers flying over the keys.
Remembers the exact moment when he decided he was his enemy. Seo had been gushing over how natural Younghyun was on stage, and Jae could almost feel the threat settle in. He was more talented than Jae, more skilled than Jae, would take Jae’s position and nobody would even notice.
Jae remembers the hurt in Younghyun’s eyes the first time he had been a dick to him. Even remembers that Younghyun tried to apologize for offending him some way, but no, he continued to treat Younghyun like his presence was the worst thing Jae would ever have to deal with. Until eventually, finally, Younghyun gave up on trying to reconcile with him and started to ignore him.
(But Jae is Jae and he couldn’t ignore how his palms would sweat when he was around and the thrill he got whenever Younghyun spoke to him. So of course he kept poking at him, trying to get under skin the way Younghyun was already under his.)
Jae remembers all of it, and realizes Younghyun doesn’t know. Doesn’t know that their lack of friendship for all these years was because Jae was overwhelmed by how much he wanted to push the other boy against a wall and find out exactly how he would look having his breath stolen from a kiss, so he had dealt with it the only way he knew. Hatred.
He almost tells Younghyun this. Younghyun who is looking at him, soft and concerned, illuminated by the sunlight coming in from the glass windows. He can feel the words, the apologies, start to crawl their way up his throat like vines that were growing too fast.
So he doesn’t let them. Instead, he gets up, and runs.
-
He’s not dealing with it well. There are 14 unread messages from Younghyun on his phone that remain unread. Skipping one day of classes combined with a three day weekend has given him what feels like all the time in the world to do nothing but sit around and think about the perfect curve of Younghyun’s lips and his pretty slanted eyes, especially when he lines them with eyeliner.
He’s tired of being at home, but he’s too scared to leave just in case his horrible luck causes him to run into the boy haunting his dreams.
-
Just a little past 9pm, his phone buzzes with stream of texts. Jae doesn’t notice because he’s too distracted by the plant tour he’s watching on YouTube.
The texts read:
Fuck you asshole you can’t just kiss me and pretend not to remember.
You can’t run as soon as I try to talkk to you.
I’m just trying to figggure out why oyou hate me so mch.
I’m coming over. Try and stob m
M gonna kiss u, kiss u so hard. Fuckin hte you smuch.
Really, Jae should have checked. Maybe then he wouldn’t have been as surprised when a little over twenty minutes later there is loud banging at his door and a very upset Younghyun outside.
Younghyun storms inside ready to yell at Jae until his throat is sore. When he sees Jae, he stops. His glasses are back. He promised he wouldn’t wear them anymore. He promised.
He walks up to Jae and with gentleness he didn’t know he still had, takes the glasses off of his face, folds them and throws them on the couch.
Then, he turns back to Jae and starts talking. “I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. You’ve never been anything but a dick to me and then we get this stupid thing and I realize you know everything about me and we become the weirdest of friends,” he takes a breath, “and then we kissed and I know you remember, and I remember but we never talked about it. But you still looked at me the way you did that night, so why, please for the love of god tell me why, do you keep running away from me?”
Jae doesn’t know how to explain it to him in words. So he doesn’t. Instead he gathers up all the courage he can and gently takes Younghyun by the wrist to pull him closer. Cups his cheek and kisses Younghyun on his nose.
“Stay. Stay and let me explain to you when you’re sober. I don’t want to keep kissing you drunk.”
“If you run away again, I’ll fucking kill you.”
Jae chuckles, “I’ll let you.”
-
He’s making pancakes, he knows Younghyun likes them. He can hear the other boy in the shower so he knows he’s got a few minutes to make his plate of pancakes, his peace offering, look as beautiful as possible.
Nothing could have prepared Jae for the sight of Younghyun wearing his clothes when he finally pads into the kitchen. The soft pink of the hoodie makes Younghyun's tanned skin glow and brings out the gentle flush of his cheeks, it’s unbearably adorable. The hoodie was big on Jae, so Younghyun is absolutely tiny in it. A stupid grin makes its way across Jae’s face.
“Pancakes?”
Younghyun picks up the glass on water on the island and starts to chug it. His voice is scratchy when he finally speaks, “no, not until you explain.” He walks up next to Jae to put his glass in the sink when Jae pushes himself off of the counter and crowds into Younghyun’s space.
It’s now or never , Jae has to do it now or he fears he’ll never gather up the courage to do it again. So he pushes up Younghyun’s face with a finger until the other boy is looking up at him, feels the slight warmth of his skin when the pads of his fingertips touch Younghyun’s cheek.
His heart has lost all control but he’s barely paying attention to it because Younghyun is so warm and Jae can feel himself falling deeper and deeper into his slow blinks. His other hand is clasping at Younghyuns waist, pulling himself closer before he finally, finally, lets their lips touch.
It’s different from last time. The softness has been replaced by pure passion. This time there’s fingers in Jae’s hair tugging as Jae snakes his arms around Younghyun to pull their bodies as close as physically possible. Their lips don’t stop moving, not for one second as if trying to make up for lost time.
Younghyun breaks away breathing heavy, but it doesn’t deter Jae at all, instead he moves to kissing Younghyun’s jaw, then his neck, then his collarbones. His lips seek out skin as Younghyun’s pulse reaching a crescendo under the soft skin of his neck.
Jae eventually does pull away, presses his thumb down on Younghyun’s bottom lip and just watches how it makes the boy flush. Says, “I ran because I wanted you, want you like this. Wanted you like this since I met you.”
Younghyun is still catching his breath when he replies with: “fuck off, you’ve hated me since the moment you met me.”
Jae chuckles and shakes his head, hips still pressed firmly against Younghyun’s. “No, just needed you to think I did. Just until you started to hate me.”
“But why would yo-”
“Because you’re a natural. Natural at every damn thing you do, you ace everything. You’re so capable, at yet you continue to work so hard. Younghyun, I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to be you or be with you.”
“Park Jaehyung you absolute moron, you could’ve kissed me the first time I talked to you and I would have no qualms. You were so damn pretty, still are.” Younghyun’s eye roll is accented with a soft chuckle, “please tell me you’ve figured it out since.”
“God yeah.” And then he goes back to kissing him furiously, hands making their way underneath the hoodie.
(And if he eventually pulls it off of Younghyun when he makes a positively sinful noise because who the fuck needs clothes anyway , then no one can really blame him.)
-
On opening night, they kiss right before Younghyun goes on stage. Not too hard or else it’d take their makeup off, but just enough to say: you can do it, I’m rooting for you .
Afterwards, Seo cries when they give her a huge bouquet of yellow roses, her favorite. The positive energy is radiating off of everyone in the room and the adrenaline has yet to disappear from their veins. There’s smiles, champagne and horribly off key singing. But everyone is having the time of their lives singing along to whatever pop song is being blasted.
They manage to sneak off at a point, sometime close to midnight when Younghyun lifts up the horribly poofy skirts of his dress and makes a run for it. Jae runs after him laughing until he catches up with him in the hallway where Younghyun is sprawled out on his back. Jae lays down next to him, the cold floor pleasant against how constantly overheated he feels around his gorgeous boyfriend.
-
It’s many years later that they see their costumes again. Their new house was a dream they had been waiting for, but the unpacking process was taking a heavy toll on the entire family.
The costumes are discovered by their fourteen year old daughter who holds up the Juliet dress and looks at her dads with an expression that can only be described as pure judgement. Jae looks at Younghyun and Younghyun can’t help the grin that makes its way across his face before they both start laughing.
“I don’t even want to ask…” she mutters under her breath as she turns to find another box to unpack. She was far too used to her weird dads and didn’t even bother to question the things they did anymore. She doesn’t, however, fight back the giddy feeling of happiness when she sees them still laughing. Jae, or as she calls him, Papa, holding up the dress to his body and dramatically swishing it around and Younghyun, Daddy, watching his husband make a fool of himself with pure fondness.
The tiredness that Jae had been feeling seems to disappear with Younghyun’s clear laugh cutting through the air. He’s still so in love he sometimes feels like it’ll actually kill him if he can’t get Younghyun in his arms within the next ten seconds.
Younghyun who is still so gorgeous and true after twenty three years. Younghyun who held him close through all the dark storms of his life and stayed as the eye in his hurricane. Younghyun who never ran no matter how many times Jae gave him a reason to. Younghyun who curls into Jae every night, refusing to sleep until Jae pets his hair. Younghyun who is now chasing their daughter around the kitchen despite being dreadfully tired from waking up at 4:30 am to start the moving process.
Jae thinks back to all the years and realizes time and time again that there never could be anyone else. The whole soulmate bullshit, it might be true. Perhaps not the overly cheesy way people described it, but something resembling it.
A connection that runs so deep you wouldn’t be able to imagine building it with someone else. Trust, love, loyalty and all the other crap they put on Valentine’s day cards.
If soulmates were real, Jae thinks, Younghyun would absolutely, positively with a 100% surety be mine.