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Minghao is...beautiful.
Seokmin often feels he’s not worthy of getting to capture him. He remembers the first time they got together for a shoot, how Minghao went on and on about how nervous he was, how every pose he did made him laugh at himself; and yet there wasn’t a single picture Seokmin took that he didn’t want to post.
He was born to be a model, Seokmin thinks, but even that’s not quite right. He’s so gorgeous that he was born to be a muse. And maybe deep down, Minghao would like to be somebody else’s, but Seokmin is glad to call him his.
Today, they’re doing an outside shoot. Seokmin found this abandoned gazebo up at the top of a hill in the woods behind his house, and he knew it’d be perfect if he dressed Minghao up as Apollo and had him pose in it. While Minghao’s adjusting his robe and headpiece, Seokmin can’t help but stare. He’s supposed to be fixing his camera settings, but golden hour’s just settled in and the light is making Minghao’s skin glow. He’d even rubbed some gold glitter on his arms and cheeks just before they left, the whole process making Minghao giggle, and Seokmin’s heart ache.
It’s just that it was so intimate, and they’ve never really been that close before. He was able to take in Minghao’s everything — the scars on his cheeks, the feel of his shoulder blades, the softness of his breathing. He was sure he’d even be able to count every one of his eyebrow hairs if he tried. He wants more moments like that.
He wants Minghao.
“Hey,” he hears Minghao say, and it snaps him out of his trance. He’s smiling at him, big and bright. “Thank you.”
Seokmin flushes. “For what?”
“This shoot. Last week’s shoot. All the shoots we’ve done together.” Minghao looks out over the landscape as he talks. “I never thought I’d get to do something like this, and it really broke me out of my shell. So thanks.”
“Oh, please, I should be the one thanking you! I feel honored to take pictures of you!”
Minghao laughs at that. “Plenty of grace to go around, then. I’ve got to tell you something important, though.”
Seokmin feels his heartbeat pick up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Minghao looks him right in the eyes, and Seokmin thinks he’s going to have a heart attack right there. “You know my roommate, Mingyu? He suggested I submit some of the photos you took to his cousin’s agency, and I got accepted! I’ll be honest, it was kind of on a whim, but I think I’m really gonna go for it.”
“Oh, Minghao! That’s so great, congratulations!”
“Thank you, truly. Couldn’t have done it without you.” Minghao looks away then, and Seokmin can’t read his expression. “It’s just...the agency’s in America. And I’m supposed to leave in two weeks. It won’t be a permanent stay, just so they can see what I’m made of ‘til they open their Korea chapter, but...this’ll be our last shoot. For a while.”
And in that moment, Seokmin thinks his heart stops. He’s still alive and breathing, but this news makes him feel dead on his feet. He thinks of doing something rash, throwing himself down the hill, maybe, in hopes that he can wake up from this bad dream before he hits the bottom.
Except he doesn’t do that, because he knows this isn’t a dream. Instead, he pushes it all down, and forces one of his eye crinkling smiles onto his features. Because he knows he needs to do that for Minghao.
“Don’t act like I can’t survive without you for a couple months!” I can’t. “I want you to follow your dreams, Hao. And I know you’ll be back before I know it.” But I can’t wait that long. “I won’t even be sad you’re leaving because I know you’ll be having a lot of fun!” This is tearing me apart and I hope you never find out.
Minghao smiles at Seokmin again, and Seokmin hates that it looks a little sad. He wants to cry, but he’ll save it for later.
“Alright,” he says softly. “I’ll hold you to that. And if you of all people want me to go, then I’ll go. Let’s make sure we have dinner after this, okay? I’ll be doing a lot to prepare for the trip and this could be my last free day.”
Seokmin nods and swallows around the lump in his throat. He already misses him. “Of course. It’ll be my treat.”
“You’re too good to me, Seokminnie.”
Seokmin doesn’t trust his voice, so he doesn’t say anything back. Instead, busies himself with getting his camera settings just right, and maybe he takes longer than usual so he can preserve this moment. When he’s done, he turns the tripod to get just the right angle, and tells Minghao to strike a pose.
He tries not to shake as he presses the shutter button.