Chapter Text
The sky was dark and still when she opened her eyes to the wooden panels above her head again. She had not caught a wink, her eyes red and puffy, her heart tormented and weary. Her futon, wet from her tears, seemingly did not affect her. Endless nights were spent like this, her mind and soul wasting away bit by bit. The warmth absent from her side reflected the cold in her heart.
Such is my life, or have I made the wrong choice?
And she laid on her side, replaying all sorts of memories in her head like it was all that she owned in this period. Every recollection stabbed at her heart but she had been dead from within for a while. The only proof of her living was the stinging lone tear rolling from the inner corner of her eye, down the bridge of her nose and across her other cheek, dampening the wet stain on her sheets.
The sky soon dyed to the hues of indigo, the first ray of light threatening to break through. It’s almost time to put on yet another mask of indifference. Rife were the rumors in the castle of her, of Nobunaga and of the planned rebellion of Mitsuhide. The castle life had turned much like a circus somehow and she was one of the main attractions. Apathetic towards the mountain of untruths, she heeded to none of them and chose to stay silent.
Ignoring the dull ache at the side of her pelvis, she half crawled over to the side of the room, her kimono loosely draped over her thin and bony frame. She slid open her fusuma to her backyard, the sight of the cherry blossoms in her garden greeted her. That, perhaps, is the most beautiful thing in her life right now. She gazed at a pink petal dancing through the light morning breeze, gracefully landing on the ground.
When was the last time we saw cherry blossoms together?
The longing ached in her heart she thought was dead. Knees to her chest, she sat lonesome on the engawa, her tired eyes peeled to the sky as the first light gradually broke through, coloring the clouds with a tinge of gold. The picturesque view made her feel more isolated somehow.
Third spring here, she counted silently. Yet, it felt much longer like that. And we promised eternity to each other, no?
The soft shuffling just outside the shōji door broke her train of thoughts.
“Lady Ai?” A maiden’s voice whispered loudly.
“Later,” she commanded, unwilling to risk revealing her red puffy eyes to others, lest it encourages gossip fodder.
“Lord Nobunaga requests your presence in his tenshu,” the maiden explained.
A longer pause in silence, the maids kept their head low outside her room waiting for her next instruction.
“Come in,” was the quiet response, a hint of defeat laced in her tone, her sigh inaudible. The shōji door slid wide enough for two handmaidens to enter after bowing, hands full with trays of ornaments and clothes, setting to work almost immediately. She was cleaned and dressed, all these while her gaze remained far and distant as though she did not belong here. Her face painted white with the latest import from the Nanban traders, her lips adorned a crimson red. On the surface, she looked every inch a true Oda Lady but only she knew she was merely a shell of her own.
Making her way over to the tenshu, she quietly wondered about what he would say. It had been weeks since they both talked - no, not after what she has witnessed herself. She had not been able to calm her emotions whenever her mind wandered back to that night. Along the corridors, some of the maidens and servants avoided her like the plague. Such is the power of rumors, she thought to herself.
Kneeling down next to the shōji door to the tenshu, she announced her arrival in a composed tone. Her collected exterior masked the frenzied emotions boiling within her.
“Lord Nobunaga, I’m here."