Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The feeling was gradual. As slow as the frost creeping over falling red-orange leaves, in the gentle intersection of autumn and winter. It came over Kagami exactly like that. Starting as a warmth right in the centre of his chest, then spread, docilely, to the rest of his body.  

Of course, he first thought it was merely an after-effect of the intense one-on-one matches so common between Aomine and him. Aomine’s skill with basketball more than made sure Kagami remained oblivious to such things. Anyone even less dense than Kagami would have thought that too. After all, an intensely pounding heart and sweaty palms were all also side effects from a difficult game.

But he had to realise it eventually. It was through one of their regular games when an inkling of it first occurred to him. Right after the Winter Cup, Kagami had immediately forced Kuroko to call Aomine.

“Come on, Kuroko! I still owe him for these shoes, you know!” Kagami placed his hand on Kuroko’s head, deliberately ruffling his hair. “Call him, call him, call him!”

Kuroko ducked out of Kagami’s grasp. He rearranged his hair primly, giving Kagami a glare-not-glare. “I will, Kagami-kun. Please stop acting like one of Kise-kun’s fangirls.”

That had shut Kagami up.

The one match had led to another, then another, then he had lost count. Eventually, it grew into regular one-on-ones between the two of them. They meant nothing to Kagami, however. These were always arranged via Kuroko.

During one of these matches, Kagami fell flat on the court floor, panting and sweating heavily. He had lost, of course. He had never won, not even once, since Seirin’s win over Touou. He always felt the same way after each loss to Aomine, despite the many times it had already happened. Blood rushing to his head, white spots in his vision, a harsh, ringing sound in his ears. Twitching fingers. And the insane desire to play again, and again, and again.

Aomine strode off after the match. He was such an asshole. Kagami had heard every damn insult the boy threw at him. He was surprisingly imaginative, using various metaphors and imagery, knowing Kagami’s every pressure point, always trying to get him to swear first, to throw the first punch, to–

“Here.”

Kagami’s eyes widened. He was seeing Aomine right in front of him, his feral face filling his entire vision. Aomine was holding out a Pocari. Condensation dripped from the bottle onto Kagami. Together with it, a sweat drop from Aomine’s fringe fell, right onto Kagami’s forehead.

“You, of all dickheads, got me a drink?” Kagami blurted without thinking.

Aomine’s eyebrow twitched. He released the drink. It fell onto Kagami’s face with a thunk. Cursing loudly, Kagami grabbed the drink and scrambled to get up. Aomine had turned around, hands in his pockets, and was striding towards the bench by the side of the court. Kagami drank the Pocari while following Aomine.

They both sat side-by-side on the bench. Aomine was uncharacteristically silent. Letting out a loud pop, Kagami pulled the drink from his mouth.

He wiped his mouth using the back of his hand. With a cheeky grin, he said, “So. What made you, asshole of all assholes, get me a drink so generously all of a sudden? All this while, after every single damn match, you’ve been making me treat you to Maji Burger just because I’ve been losing. You’re such a stingy bastard.”

Aomine rolled his eyes. “Shut up. You’re the stingy one if you can’t even treat a meal for a basketball king like me. You’re the loser after all. So you have to pay your dues.”

“Yeah. One meal is okay. So are two meals, or three meals. But fifteen is just too much, don’t you think?”

Aomine stuck up his nose. “You have to keep doing it if you keep losing. I won’t budge in this matter!”

Kagami merely sighed. He lifted the Pocari to take a sip.

“Anyway,” Aomine continued. “There’s something else too.”

Kagami raised an eyebrow, the drink still on his mouth. Aomine leaned down to access his bag on the floor next to him, and rifled through it. After a few moments, he emerged with something on his hand. Kagami pulled the Pocari away from his face to look at the object properly.

It was a crisp, new wristband wrapped in plastic.

Kagami’s eyes widened. His eyes flew upwards to meet Aomine’s. Aomine was looking straight into his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his mouth set in a grim line.

“I met up with Tetsu recently,” he started explaining. “We were just fooling around like normal. You know. I threw his books onto the floor. He hit me on the head. I stole his vanilla shake. He jabbed me in the stomach. Those sort of things.”

Kagami nodded.

“Then I noticed the wristband he was wearing. The wristband he’s been wearing all this while. All throughout the Winter Cup. All throughout your match with me, Seirin’s match with Touou.” He took a deep breath. “So I asked him what it meant.”

He shot a meaningful look at Kagami. “You know what it means. Don’t you?”

Kagami’s throat was stuck. He looked away from Aomine to observe the wristband instead. It was all-black, simple and practical.

Aomine got this just for him? It shouldn’t have given him this much pleasure. But the fact that Aomine had gone through the trouble of buying it for him after hearing Kuroko’s story made his whole body tingle, like being struck by little jolts of electricity.

All he could do was nod at Aomine. He reached out to take the wristband.

It was at this point that he was suddenly conscious of the beating sounds of his heart. The strange, crawling sensation over his skin. His ears felt hot, strangely hot. He touched Aomine’s palm.

Goosebumps erupted all over his skin. His heart was beating so quickly, it felt like little earthquakes were happening around him. Suddenly all he could see in his vision was Aomine, and the firm set in his jaw. The uncharacteristic line of determination, drawn by his lips.

It was all he could see, even though right next to them was a basketball. The one thing Kagami had always felt so sure about. The one thing he had always loved more than the whole world itself.

Except right at that moment. For that moment, Kagami’s love for basketball was eclipsed by Aomine’s expression, and his extended hand.

Kagami’s hand shook slightly as he reached the wristband. It fell to the floor, making a crackling sound. Then suddenly he saw two of them. Two? Kagami blinked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

Aomine gasped. “Ack! Bastard! What are you doing!” He quickly leaned down to pick up the two wristbands. He blew them, and dusted them off. He peered at them carefully, inspecting every inch.

Then he looked up to scowl at Kagami. “Idiot! Just how bad are your ball-handling skills! You can’t even take some stuff off my hand properly.”

Kagami could only look at Aomine. “Two…” he began, but his voice cracked slightly. He cleared his throat, then went on. “Two wristbands?”

Aomine shot him a look of curiosity. “Yeah. One for you and one for Tetsu. Who else could it be for?”

So it wasn’t just for Kagami. Of course one would be meant for Kuroko, too. Kagami’s throat felt like it was closing. Like he was suddenly plunged into an ocean, and kept down there. All the water around him, making an overwhelming sound in his ears. He felt like he couldn’t hear anything else but that water.

Aomine glanced at his watch and let out a yelp. “Shit! I gotta go, or Satsuki’s gonna kill me for taking a late dinner again.” He made a face. “She’s such a nag, seriously.”

He stood up, then placed the wristbands carefully on the bench next to Kagami. “Help me give one of it to Tetsu, okay?” He scratched his head, and mumbled, “He’ll understand what it means, too, obviously.”

Then he started jogging out of the court. Turning his head slightly, he raised a hand and said, “Just tell Tetsu when you wanna have our rematch again! I’ll get the date out of him.”

Kagami’s throat was still closed. But he felt that he had to force it open. Especially when Aomine’s back was retreating further and further away from him. It was as though he was sinking deeper into the ocean.

Like prying open a tightly closed treasure chest, he forced himself to say, “Wait, Aomine!” He heard his voice crack, felt the dryness in his throat.

Aomine stopped. He turned around, with a raised eyebrow.

It still wasn’t over. Kagami still had to force himself to speak. Once again, he felt like he was fighting against the weight of an ocean. He opened his mouth, forcing his voice out through the intense pressure against his vocal chords.

“Why don’t you just give me your damn phone number? Rather than going through Kuroko all the time. It just makes things so much easier.”

Aomine continued staring at him for a moment. Kagami’s heart was pounding. His throat was poised to close once again. His ears were straining for Aomine to speak.

At last, Aomine gave a shrug. “Sure. Don’t see why not. You’re right. It is way easier.” He lifted a hand to scratch his head. “Huh. Dunno why we didn’t think of it from the beginning.”

Kagami’s throat was closed once more. It had finally given way to the pressure. He could only nod at Aomine.

But this time, the pressure was not something he hated. It was something new. Something he had never felt before. It was a strange mixture of a feeling, that reminded him of a point halfway between playing basketball and facing a bloodthirsty hound.

And yet, the warmth in his chest was undeniable. A feeling of complete joy.

Kagami couldn’t stop grinning as he punched Aomine’s digits into his mobile phone.

Chapter Text

“How was your date with Kagamin yesterday, Dai-chan?” Momoi’s eyes were shrewd and her smirk conniving as she elbowed Aomine meaningfully. Aomine disgruntledly shuffled away from her. 

“What the hell are you going on about,” Aomine grumbled. He was hungry, damnit, but there was no way he was telling Satsuki that. What if she made him something to eat? And he was stuck here, copying Satsuki’s notes for the third day in a row, all because of that stupid English test next week.

“Oh you know, you guys have been going out for what, a few weeks now? It’s about time to move to the next level.” Momoi giggled. “I know you’re clueless with romance, Dai-chan, but there’s a proper way to do these things!”

It was when Momoi’s words finally penetrated through the haze of hunger and jumbled English words swirling through Aomine’s head that he shot up. “Wait, what!”

Momoi hummed knowingly. “You’ve been going on one-on-ones. And now you’ve finally given him the wristbands you’ve been agonizing about for weeks. What are you going to do next, Dai-chan?”

Aomine felt the flush rise at the back of his neck. He pointed at Momoi accusingly. “Stop putting your shojo manga fantasies into my life!”

Momoi raised her hands innocently. “You’re the one doing them, not me.”

Aomine frowned as he pored over the list of conjunctive verbs. Momoi watched him analytically. She noted the furrow in his eyebrows. His hands, itching to rub the back of his neck. The forced stillness in his posture, trying not to shift in discomfort. 

Then, “We’re not like that,” Aomine mumbled. He was deliberately not looking at Momoi. “We’re basketball rivals. You don’t understand.”

Momoi smiled, and placed a hand gently, carefully on his shoulder, feeling the muscles jump under his skin. “I do understand. There’s no one else in the world who can match you.”

“In basketball,” Aomine continued her sentence pointedly, looking at her critically from the side of his eyes.

Momoi rolled her eyes. “Fine, only in basketball.” Aomine pointedly ignored her muttered, “Yeah, right.”

Then he gave a deep sigh. “What the hell is a ‘noun’?”

Momoi shrieked in horror. “That’s the very first lesson!”

***

“Step closer, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko ordered. “And bend down, you’re too giant.” He wondered sometimes why he actively sought best friends who were freaks of nature. 

“Damnit Kuroko, you’re being frigging bossy right now,” Kagami grumbled. He did as Kuroko asked. Not without a gentle whack to the head, however.

Kuroko finished the last of the bandaging around Kagami’s hand. He noted the callousness of the knuckles, and the bruises around the palm. He wondered sometimes whether the Zone was a blessing or a curse.

Just then, Koganei walked in. “There’s Seirin’s power couple, sweet as always!” 

Kagami jumped away from Kuroko, feeling his face heat up immediately. He quickly glanced at Kuroko, but Kuroko’s face was blank as always.

“I’m afraid Kagami-kun’s heart is already taken, Koganei-senpai,” Kuroko said politely.

Kagami’s heart leapt to his throat. Damnit, he knew Kuroko was perceptive, but this was almost freakish. He would never let Kagami live it down if he already knew what Kagami had, probably-maybe-not-ever felt for Aomine. Heck, Kagami wasn’t sure himself what he felt for Aomine.

“After all, basketball is a hard first love to measure up to,” Kuroko continued, a quiet smile spreading on his face. Kagami felt the whoosh of relief bloom in his chest, like a mushroom after rain. 

Koganei laughed merrily. “Yup, basketball is a promiscuous slut, alright. It’s captured all our hearts.” In a good mood after his joke, he walked out, whistling a happy tune.

Kagami forced a smile as he looked at Kuroko. He noted the wristband, faithfully, perpetually on Kuroko’s wrist, and patted him on the head affectionately.

“Is that the one that idiot Aomine gave?” Kagami himself was still agonizing whether to wear it or keep it locked securely in his room. Would it be too obvious? How could Kuroko bear wearing something that was so precious? Not that Kagami was an emotional wimp or anything — he just really liked that wristband, okay?

Kuroko blinked up at him. “No. I figured Kagami-kun wanted to be the only one to wear the gift from Aomine-kun.”

Kagami’s denial caught in his throat.

***

Kagami gulped as he stared at the blank screen of his phone.

“Game tomorrow?” Sounded too brusque.

“Hey bastard, don’t forget our one-on-one tomorrow.” Too mean.

Damnit, why was a text so hard to compose? Kagami never had a way with words. And there was no way he was asking Kuroko again. The idiot with his stupidly perceptive eyes blinking at Kagami. Kagami just knew he would be laughing at him behind his unreadable face.

Kagami yelled in frustration as he buried his head under a cushion. Suddenly, his phone started ringing. Kagami nearly threw the phone out of the window when he saw who was on the line.

Taking deep breaths to compose himself, he stilled his trembling fingers, and pressed the answer button.

“Hello~!” Kagami cringed at the high pitch of his voice. That was way too chirpy, and sing-song.

“What the hell, Kise, what are you doing with Kagami’s phone?” Aomine’s voice demanded, sounding irritable.

“I’m not Kise, idiot!” Kagami retorted. He cringed again. That sounded way too mean. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Oh, right. Anyway, I can’t play our one-on-one tomorrow. Satsuki is worried I’ll actually fail my English test this time,” Kagami strained his ears to hear any disappointment in Aomine’s voice, but all he heard was resignation. His heart sank despite himself.

He coughed loudly. “Whatever. You’re lucky — you’re spared from making the stupid face you would have made when I beat you,” Kagami cringed, again. Was he physically incapable of saying nice things to Aomine?

Aomine’s bark of derisive laughter made Kagami’s heart pound despite himself. Damnit, he was not some lovestruck teenager! He could handle that idiot’s laughing. Except he couldn’t — and now his stomach was flipping over, damnit. 

“Yeah, we’ll see when that happens. Till never. Thanks for all the free meals forever, asshole,” Kagami hurried to continue the conversation, but all he heard was the dull tone of the hangup.

He buried his head under the cushion again. He wished he could stay under there forever.

***

“Hey, looks good on you,” Aomine grabbed Kagami’s wrist and frowned analytically as he peered at the wristband. He smirked. “Looks like I have way better fashion sense than you.” 

Kagami flushed and pulled his arm out of Aomine’s grasp, fast, as though he had been burned. “S-shut up!” he couldn’t think of anything else to say. His mind was swirling too much with the sensation of Aomine’s hand on his skin. Even now his wrist was still tingling. 

He watched as Aomine elbowed Kuroko. “Hey, Tetsu, don’t you think Kagami could do with some help with his fashion sense?”

Kuroko just gave Aomine a once-over. “Kagami-kun could do with a lot of help, but I’m not sure you are the person to give it either.”

Kagami began to laugh, but the laughter caught in his throat as Aomine grabbed Kuroko in a headlock and started ruffling his hair. He watched, his stomach sinking like a leaden weight, as Aomine and Kuroko wrestled goodnaturedly. The ease in their friendship, the depth of their bond, something Kagami suddenly felt alienated from. He suddenly felt very lonely.

Aomine and Kuroko stopped abruptly as Kuroko shoved a hand on Aomine’s face with a “Stop, Aomine-kun.”

He straightened and took a step towards Kagami. “Kagami-kun, are you alright? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Aomine also approached Kagami, but Kagami backed away. “Hey Kagami, did Tetsu’s Ignite Pass get you in the stomach or what?” Forced lightness in his voice, he reached out a hand, but Kagami shrank away from it. “You can’t be that wimpy — I was the one playing against the two of you today.”

Kagami’s heart was pounding in his ears. He felt lost, like he was sinking deep, deeper into the ocean again. Avoiding Aomine’s gaze, Kagami forced a laugh through the pressure in his throat. It sounded high-pitched and unnatural to his ears. “I just remembered I need to go.” 

He turned and walked away. He walked at just the right pace that he hoped didn’t look like he was running away. Although the sensation of wanting to throw up reminded him that he was. 

Aomine looked at Kuroko. “Huh? Was it something I said?”

Kuroko narrowed his eyes. “No, Aomine-kun. Not this time.”

Chapter Text

Black. Simple. Practical. Slightly furry around the edges, and soft. Soft like untouched snow. The wristband wrapped snugly around Kagami’s wrist, almost like it was always meant to be there.

Kagami couldn’t stop looking at it. He touched the soft material, gently, with his fingertips. As his fingers ran lightly over its softness, he observed it with all the intensity he normally reserved for the basketball court.

Then Aomine’s words rang in his head. ‘Hey, looks good on you.’

Kagami groaned, and lay down on his bed. He took the cushion — now mangled and misshapen — and hid his head under it yet again. For once, it couldn’t bring him relief. The darkness only beckoned the images of Aomine and Kuroko, together and fooling around. It was like being pulled into a tunnel, with no light at the end. No salvation to be found.

He was in that tunnel while Aomine and Kuroko were beyond it. They had their own space and he had his. It used to be perfectly alright. Basketball was there with him, after all. It was enough to give him all the contentment in the world.

He had basketball. He had Himuro. He had Alex. They were all he needed, to be happy.

But now there was this wristband. There were the Miracles, whom he strived to defeat. And then there was Aomine.

What happened to that safe, contented little space? Suddenly he wanted more. Suddenly, it wasn’t enough. The tunnel grew large, and dark, and fearsome, and he needed, wanted—  ached, to reach the light where Aomine was.

But Kuroko was also there. Kagami wondered if there was space for him to be there too. Aomine and Kuroko shared something he already knew he couldn’t penetrate. He knew that from the beginning. The intense desperation in Kuroko’s eyes during the match with Touou said it all. But Kuroko had also looked lonely.

That loneliness had dispelled the moment Aomine’s fist made contact with Kuroko’s. It could only have been Aomine to do that. Not anyone from Seirin. Not even Kagami himself.

Maybe that was why Kagami couldn’t stop feeling the aching loneliness of being in the tunnel alone. He wanted Aomine to do that, for him, too.

***

“Tell me again, exactly what you did, Dai-chan.” 

Aomine groaned. “Nothing, damn it, Satsuki. I just acted like I normally do with Tetsu. Sheesh, you always think everything’s my fault.”

“That’s because it usually is, Aomine-kun,” Kuroko spoke up. “Please remind me once more. Who was it that said ‘I can’t remember receiving your passes anymore’?”

Aomine winced.

“And who said that I had an ‘ugly face’, hmm?” Momoi decided to contribute.

Aomine flinched.

“And remember when you—”

“Okay, okay! Geez! I get it,” said Aomine quickly, while scrunching up his eyes. Then he frowned and sulkily drank his iced coffee. “Cut me some slack, sheesh…”

Kuroko and Momoi shared a smile together. The three of them were sitting in a cafe. A few days had already gone by after that incident with Kagami.

Kuroko had just told them what happened during Seirin’s practice earlier that week. He had naturally done his best to ascertain the root of Kagami’s strange behaviour.

At the start of that practice, Kuroko had looked at Kagami for several seconds. Then he had placed a hand on his forehead. 

This was the way Kagami had reacted. “...oi, Kuroko. Just what the hell are you doing.” Kagami shoved Kuroko’s hand off his forehead with a scowl.

Kuroko stared at Kagami disconcertingly. “I’m just making sure you aren’t sick, Kagami-kun.”

Riko immediately pounced on them. “Kagami-kun is sick?”

“No—”

“Kagami is sick?!” Hyuuga came up to them.

“Like I said, I’m not—” 

“No, Kagami! You can’t be sick, you’re our ace!” Koganei and the others approached them too. And then suddenly Kagami was buried under a pile of bodies, everyone trying to feel his forehead. Needless to say, Kagami felt like the whole of Seirin had gotten a lot ‘closer’ that day. He had left the gym with his modesty less-than-intact. 

Thus, Kuroko never managed to find out the cause for Kagami’s behaviour.

For Aomine’s part, he had attempted to solve the puzzle the only way he knew how: a hard game of basketball against himself. He wanted the sweat to pour out of him, his heart to thump hard in his ears, and to smell the scent of leather on his hands. He wanted all of it to clear his mind, giving him an intense zeal and focus the way only basketball could give him. 

But even with that, he couldn’t understand Kagami. As he sat down on the court, chest heaving with rapid, deep breaths and sweat dripping down his neck, he suddenly felt angry. Basketball was something he and Kagami perceived together so similarly. It almost felt like the sport was betraying him all over again.

Before he could get into that self-destructive spiral once more, he had contacted Momoi. The other problem-solver in his life.

And so now the three of them were together in the cafe.

“Instead of bringing up all that, why don’t you try to help me with this stupid problem instead?” said Aomine, stirring his empty glass. His gaze was downwards, deliberately avoiding looking at his companions.

Kuroko sighed. “Aomine-kun, I told you. This is something only Kagami-kun can deal with, especially since he isn’t telling us anything. It would almost be wrong to try to pry it out of him.”

Momoi lay her chin on her hands as she thought for a moment. Then she said, “Kagamin is the type of person to always be blunt about what he thinks or feels. So if he isn’t telling even Tetsu-kun something, this could mean that this is something very, very important to him. Something he wants to deal with only on his own. So...maybe give him some space?”

Aomine stopped stirring his glass. He looked up with a scowl. “‘Give him some space’? Satsuki...you want me to avoid him? That’s what you’re saying?”

“No, not avoid him, exactly…”

“That’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do! I’m trying to fix this weird thing he’s having and you want me to avoid him? That’s horrible advice!”

“Aomine-kun, calm down,” Kuroko interjected with a level glare. Aomine fell silent, but remained scowling.

Then Kuroko went on. “All Momoi-san is saying is for you not to prod him about it. Don’t act as though we know something is going on with Kagami-kun. Just act like normal.” He smiled reassuringly. “He will come to us eventually, when he wants to come to us.”

Aomine was silent as he listened to Kuroko. Momoi was nodding at Kuroko’s words. But Aomine still couldn’t smoothen the scowl on his face. 

***

Kagami’s faithful cushion was over his head again. His entire vision was enveloped in that comforting darkness once more. He was lying face down on his bed, just immersing himself in it.

In that tunnel, Kagami felt as though he couldn’t take a single step. His feet were glued to the ground. It was like one of those dreams with unfulfilled desires. His legs felt so heavy even though something he really wanted was right in front of him. The light at the end of that tunnel. He could catch a glimpse of it, so small, yet so bright and desirable.

But he couldn’t move towards it. Even though he ached for it so much, he felt as though he had never wanted anything else that much in the world.

Aomine’s relationship with Kuroko wasn’t something alien to him. It was a bond truly special, that could only be had with the one who helped you truly discover basketball. That irreplaceable one.

Kagami knew that bond well. After all, it was the same for Himuro and himself. Those memories in Los Angeles weren’t things he would trade for anything else. The first true smile he shared with Himuro, the first laugh of pure, unfettered joy, borne from basketball with another who loved it just as much as he did.

Kagami felt as though he touched that delicate sweet spot of emotion once more with Aomine. To anyone else, the emotion would evoke that of re-reading a favourite book, but experiencing the exact same feeling as when that book was read for the first time. To Kagami, it was like reliving his very first successful dunk. And yet, even more than that first attempt, the thirst for doing it again and again was overwhelmingly powerful. 

The first experience was unique, seared into emotion and memory for a lifetime. Himuro was irreplaceable the same way Kuroko was for Aomine. Like the perfect hue of brushstrokes on a watercolour painting. Any other colour just wouldn’t fit.

The first experience was special, bringing joy and happiness for the first time. But this time, it brought unbearable frustration for Kagami. Unbearable frustration and loneliness.

In the tunnel, that light seemed to fade away, as Kagami kept thinking. It dimmed even as he wanted to reach out for it, and the thirst in his throat and the ache in his heart deepened for it. 

Then suddenly, he literally saw a light to his right side. It was the light from his mobile phone.

Kagami raised his eyebrows. He sat up, the cushion falling off haphazardly down his shoulders. He grabbed his mobile phone and glanced at it.

‘Oi, dumb S. 1-on-1 2moro? Tot of sumting we cud do 2 make it more intresting, heh.

Interesting?

Kagami’s heart pounded in spite of himself. It always pounded, whenever a message came from this specific number. He nearly dropped his mobile phone.

There was only one answer to such a question, of course.

Kagami could not help making sure to read his own reply three times to check for typos before sending it off.

*** 

Kagami walked towards the basketball court, fidgeting. His shirt felt scratchy on his back. He knew it. It had been the wrong shirt. He should have just worn that other one. It was blue, Aomine would have liked it.

When he spotted Aomine, he felt a jerking sensation. Like a nervous tic, his right hand went to his left wrist, fingering the wristband. It still felt like it was a part of him.

Aomine was busy warming up, doing dunks and layups. After one powerful dunk, he turned to see Kagami. He grinned, ferally.

“Dumbass. What took you so long?”

Kagami rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he mumbled. He felt conscious of his shirt all of a sudden.

“Whatever.” Aomine started jumping up and down on the balls of his feet. “Let’s start playing already!”

Kagami nodded. He moved into position.

Aomine threw the ball from one hand to the other. “Okay, so this is what’s gonna happen. You know how you’ve been losing every single time against me, the best basketball player in the world?”

Kagami rolled his eyes again. “Yes. Get to the point, damn it. Idiot. You just want to keep saying that.”

“Yeah,” said Aomine straightaway. “You’re a loser, don’t need to sugarcoat it.”

Kagami sighed quietly.

“Anyway,” Aomine went on. “I decided that I want to make use of how easily I beat you.” He smirked. “Let’s play a Truth-or-Dare basketball game.”

“A what?” Kagami blinked.

“Truth-or-Dare. Every time any one of us makes a basket, we have to tell a truth based off a question from the other, or do a dare. You up for it, or are you just scared you won’t be able to get anything off me?”

“S-shut up!” Kagami blurted immediately. “I’m not scared, okay!” The idea was beginning to wrap snugly around his mind. It was a good idea. Scratch that, it was great. Kagami felt his lips curve into a grin to match Aomine’s. He was struggling to comprehend his feelings right now. But even more confusing was trying to discern Aomine’s. The pain that came with it, and the unbearable longing to find out how Aomine really felt.

This game could be his salvation.

They started playing. Kagami had first possession. He quickly took the chance to make a free throw. The ball went in, letting out a small thunk when it lightly brushed the rim.

At the sight, Aomine gaped. Kagami smirked. He pointed his forefinger at Aomine.

“Hah! I get first point. I choose dare. For the rest of the game, you have to play with only your left hand.” Aomine was an idiot. Kagami needed more opportunities to ask him questions.  

Aomine continued gaping for a moment. Then he smiled cockily. “That’s fine by me. I’ll still beat you anyway.”

As though to prove the point, he ended up making the next shot. An impossible shot. Kagami couldn’t have blocked it, even though he tried to, so desperately.

Aomine did the same gesture Kagami did, pointing at him. “I choose Truth. Why have you been acting so weird recently? Tell me right now!”

Kagami winced. He quickly tried to fix his expression. “I just had to figure some things out. Next round, let’s start!”

“That’s not enough information! Tell me more!”

“Well then, you’ll just have to make another shot to get more out of me.” Kagami quickly took the ball and started the round before Aomine could protest further.

He tried to make another free throw quickly. The muscles in his arm strained for the right angle, for the right arc towards the basket. But then suddenly Aomine was in his view. Of course. It was Aomine. The same move wouldn’t work twice.

The ball was stolen from him in mid-air, along with that chance to prod Aomine. It slipped away from Kagami even as he tried so desperately to reach for it. He felt like he was trying to grab wisps of smoke in the air.

Aomine made another formless shot without effort. He turned around to face Kagami, smirking. “Okay! Another truth! Now tell me, what were you trying to figure out?”

Kagami could feel his heart beating like an erratic drum all of a sudden. His palms were so sweaty, even though the game had only just started. “Just some stuff I recently found out. Next round, now!”

“What!” Aomine’s jaw dropped. “That was barely anything, bastard! Give me more!”

“Make another shot then!”

And he did. Even though Kagami nearly sprained his wrist trying to block that shot. Even though he felt like the ground would give way if he didn’t block that shot. Sweat was coating every inch of his palms. He couldn’t move the way he normally could. Basketball was failing him, or he was failing basketball, both in poise and agility.

“What kind of stuff did you find out?” Aomine stuck out his jaw stubbornly. “Tell me!”

“It’s about someone!” Kagami’s voice cracked. He knew it must be because his heart had been beating so hard, it fell out of position, right onto his vocal chords. “Now let’s play again!”

“You fucking bastard!”

Kagami had to make a shot. He had to. If he did, his heart would stop beating as though he had some sort of disease. If he did, he wouldn’t feel like he was in that tunnel again, unable to move.

But he still couldn’t. Aomine made the next shot.

“Who is that someone?” This time, Aomine strode up to Kagami. He grabbed his collar, pulling him close. “Tell me! Stop evading my questions!”

“I’m not evading! I’m telling the truth, like the game instructs!” Kagami grabbed Aomine’s fist around his collar, struggling to get out of his grasp. They grappled for a moment. Aomine’s fist was so tight around his collar. Or maybe he just couldn’t fight like usual, because the claustrophobia in that tunnel was so strong, and so overwhelming.

Suddenly he was on the floor, wrestling with Aomine. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This game was supposed to be his salvation.

Both of Aomine’s hands were around his collar now. The sweat on Kagami’s palms was making him slip. He couldn’t wrap his hands around Aomine’s wrists properly, to pull him off. He couldn’t push Aomine’s weight off of him— his heart, like Bartok’s rhythms, was making him incapable of it.

Aomine was laughing.

“Loser!” He said in a guffaw. “You can’t win against me in a fight either! Come on, tell me! Tell me! Who is that someone, huh?”

The places Aomine was touching him were growing very hot, the more they wrestled. The heat was spreading to Kagami’s entire body. His throat was closing again. He couldn’t laugh with Aomine. He was feeling too bothered. Aomine was brushing him on his neck, his arms, his legs, his thighs— Kagami could feel his touch everywhere.

“Who is that someone, Kagami? Who is that someone? Tell me, idiot!” Aomine barked in laughter again. It sounded cruel in Kagami’s ears, echoing in his mind like he was in a cave. The laughter contrasted with Aomine’s breath, warm and gentle, puffing on Kagami’s suddenly burning face.

He couldn’t take this. He really couldn’t. Kagami scrunched up his eyes, preferring darkness to Aomine’s face in front of him, so close like that. He was reminded of that light in the tunnel, so bright and tantalising, yet so far. It was too torturing. He raised his arms, summoning strength.

“Get off me, stupid asshole!” He pushed with all of his might. Suddenly, the weight left him. It was supposed to be relieving, but instead, it wasn’t. The claustrophobia only became much, much more sickening, and the pressure, more intense.

Aomine stopped laughing abruptly. He sat back, leaning on his hands. Kagami was breathing heavily as he moved to sit up too. He tasted something bitter at the back of his throat.

“The fuck’s wrong with you?” growled Aomine. All the mirth had disappeared from his face.

Kagami was still feeling very hot. He quickly got up, wanting to put some distance between him and Aomine. He avoided Aomine’s gaze.

“Nothing.” His throat felt dry. “I gotta go now. Gotta get to...somewhere.”

Without another look at Aomine, he turned and quickly walked away. 

Chapter Text

Oh, there was a bird. It looked pretty cool, maybe it was a hawk. Oh, and then there were the puffs of smoke from a nearby factory. Some of them looked like boobs, haha.

Aomine snapped himself out of his idle contemplation as he lazily lolled on Touou’s rooftop. He purposely let himself feel entirely boneless, and he could feel the weight of his entire body as he relaxed. He was so relaxed, he was almost meditating. Hmph, and Satsuki said he was ‘physically incapable’ of being deep.

But then Aomine brought his thoughts back to focus onto his current conundrum. After Kagami’s even weirder behaviour the last time, Aomine absolutely refused to tell Kuroko and Momoi about it. There was no way he was going to have them blame everything on him again, especially when it was all Kagami’s fault. It had to be — Aomine’s Truth-or-Dare basketball idea was not the problem, it had been a brilliant idea.

People thought Aomine could not think through things systematically. They attributed the thoughtful, organized one to be Momoi, generally. But Aomine knew this was a problem that perhaps he had to solve himself. And he could solve it himself, too.

So here he was, trying to plan and think things through, at his favourite spot, outside any basketball court. Touou’s rooftop was an infinitely better place than being in some classroom listening to a boring lecture on integrals, anyway. And there was always Satsuki’s notes.

Aomine relived that moment again and again in his mind. Each time, he tried looking at every possible angle. He remembered Kagami, yelling about a someone. He remembered Kagami struggling under him, and the pure desperation he could sense in his movements. Thinking about how Kagami had fought against him, feral and animalistic in his anguish, Aomine felt a jolt of wrath and frustration pierce through his heart, dark and rageful.

What the fuck was wrong with Kagami? The more he thought about it, Aomine felt the fury build up within him, little by little, drops of hot rage pooling in his chest.

Aomine was not good with people, and he was even worse with people’s feelings. But he at least knew this — Kagami’s problem had to do with a person, and he was refusing to deal with it head on.

To Aomine, the thought of Kagami making the same mistake Aomine himself had made with Tetsu, with Satsuki, with the rest of his friends back at Teikou— it made him feel sick to the stomach, even as he burned hot with anger towards Kagami.

Trying to deal with problems on your own, while shutting everyone else out— it only hurt everyone around you. More than hurting yourself. Aomine had learned that the hard way.

There was no way in hell he was letting Kagami make the same mistake. 

***

Kagami wanted to wrench all his hair out. All he could see was Aomine’s dark expression, and the wrath directed at Kagami himself. Kagami could handle Aomine’s anger during basketball — the righteous rage of a good match, Kagami could relate to.

But Aomine had looked like he could not bear Kagami’s presence, when Kagami had shoved him off. And the thought of Aomine shutting Kagami out, and the prospect of never interacting with him again — it made Kagami’s chest jerk with a sharp pain that hurt,and resonated throughout his body, tightening his stomach uncomfortably. Kagami felt like throwing up, when he thought about Aomine’s expression at that moment.

The worst part of it all was that Kagami could not even forget it all through the one thing that gave him solace. Basketball had used to be the sacred realm where Kagami could go to forget his troubles. He had probably only let Kuroko in there, only because having his best friend there with him expanded basketball in a way Kagami had never dreamed could happen. Letting Kuroko into what used to be Kagami’s solitary domain opened his basketball world in a way that was glorious.

But now — Kagami felt Aomine’s presence in the rough leather of the basketball. He felt Aomine’s gaze, heated and competitive, in every dunk he made. He felt Aomine’s touch in every dribble, every footwork drill, every leap he made. Playing basketball now made Kagami’s heart ache with longing for something he did not dare to think about, and explore, in the realm of his relationship with Aomine.

Kagami could not run to basketball anymore, because it was no longer exclusively his space.

*** 

“Yo.” Kagami immediately felt the leap in his heart as he opened the door and saw Aomine’s nonchalant, infuriatingly cocky face. His stomach rolled over, and Kagami felt every one of the five omelettes and six sausages he had eaten that morning. He squirmed uncomfortably, wishing he had not eaten that much now.

Kagami’s heart started hammering uncomfortably fast as he realized that Aomine had visited Kagami alone in his flat. He tried shaking himself to stop acting like a teenage heroine in a shojo manga, but still. Aomine had made the seemingly gargantuan effort to find out where Kagami lived, probably through Kuroko.

“Follow me,” Aomine abruptly turned and walked off. Kagami only gave a half-hearted protest, before rushing after him. He contemplated Aomine’s back in front of him, and as his heart jolted once more, he thought about this guy in front of him, whom everyone seemed drawn to, and want to chase. Kagami could not even fault them for it — now he was doing it, himself, and for reasons beyond basketball.

On a Saturday morning, the streets of suburban Tokyo were bustling and lively. Walking side by side with Aomine, the both of them towering over almost everyone around them, Kagami felt a peace and contentment bloom inside him.

He watched a young vendor smilingly give a free ice cream to the little boy buying chestnuts, an old couple arguing about which grandchild to spoil that day — the daily lives of people around him making him feel a little sillier for having been so worried about what now seemed like petty troubles. And Aomine’s presence next to him, uncomfortably thrilling yet paradoxically comforting at the same time, made things better too, of course.

Then Aomine abruptly stopped, reaching out a hand to grab Kagami’s wrist to stop him as well. Kagami felt pleasure float gently in his chest as he savoured the sensation of Aomine’s skin on his, the heat in his wrist making the rest of him tingle all over. 

“Here,” Aomine turned into a small street that lacked the modernity of most of Tokyo. Charming and old looking, this was a street that still had shops propped by wooden panels, and wooden posts that separated the sidewalks from the paved roads. Kagami was feeling too curious, and too disorientated by the contentment he was currently immersed in, to be irritated at Aomine’s uncharacteristic quietness, and his current pushiness.

Aomine paused in front of one of the taller wooden posts, and crouched down. Kagami crouched down beside him. As Aomine pointed towards several notches, Kagami leaned his head in as well. They were so close that their knees were touching, and Aomine’s hair tickled Kagami’s forehead. He could hear Aomine’s breathing, calm and even.

“This is the street Satsuki and I grew up in,” Aomine pointed at two series of ascending notches, side by side. “And these were the notches we used to mark our heights.”

Smirk spreading on his face, he continued. “We stopped after I hit a growth spurt. I kind of outgrew the post.”

Laughter burst, natural and wonderful, from Kagami. He looked at the scrawled ‘Dai-chan’ and ‘Satsuki,’ innocent and happy in their childish intelligibility. Then Kagami turned and found Aomine watching him carefully.

Kagami felt the flush rise on his face. He opened his mouth to say one of those mean things he always seemed to say around Aomine, but was interrupted.

“There’s more.” 

Kagami raised his eyebrows as Aomine turned abruptly again, leading him through twists and turns through the streets of Tokyo. By the time Kagami had managed to catch up to him, Aomine had to grab his wrist again to stop him from stepping ahead of him. 

This time, however, Aomine did not let go.

They were side by side, shoulders just touching. From the point where they made contact, the heat spread throughout Kagami’s body, again, very slowly. Kagami felt a lump in his throat, and began coughing to clear it out.

Aomine seemed not to notice. He was looking straight ahead. It was only now that Kagami realized they were in front of a convenience store.

“We’re actually pretty near Teikou Middle School now,” Aomine said. He was looking contemplative, and calm. “This is the convenience store Tetsu and I used to go to get popsicles after practice.” 

At the thought of Aomine and Kuroko’s bond, Kagami felt again the uncontrollable loneliness wash over him, and an uncomfortable lurch in his stomach. He made to pull his wrist out of Aomine’s grasp, but then Aomine held on. He was again leading Kagami somewhere else.

Just then, Kagami was beginning to feel that he had enough of all that damn walking all over Tokyo, even as the sensation of Aomine’s hand on his wrist burned hot with the pleasurable tingling. They had been walking in complete and utterly boggling silence. Through the now constant lump in his throat, Kagami had tried once or twice to make conversation.

Of course, they were mostly utterly lame, cringe-worthy things like “Failed any more subjects in school, idiot?” or “You better start saving from now, because you’re going to have to pay a shit-ton for my food when I finally beat you.” Kagami felt like kicking himself for his incapability to say anything nice to Aomine, even as his heart hammered and he forced the words out through the pressure in his throat. 

But Aomine had given nonchalant answers that seemed like he was only half in the present. The other half seemed to be caught in memories of the past, evoked by the baffling assortment of places he was taking Kagami towards.

Kagami was just about to demand what the hell was going on when he registered the Touou rooftop Aomine had brought him to.

“Do you get it, dumbass?” Aomine quirked his eyebrows as he stood in front of Kagami, and levelled an unexpectedly serious gaze at him. “Or do I have to spell it out for you?”

Utterly frustrated, Kagami bit out, “You’re the one who dragged me all over freaking Tokyo. Just spit it out, bastard.” He inwardly cringed again at the annoyance, the meanness, in his tone towards Aomine. 

Aomine only rolled his eyes. “Those were all places that I spent a lot of time in, with people close to me, and people who mean a lot to me.”

Kagami felt himself sinking into that unbearable loneliness once more, as he remembered the happiness, the innocence, of two lines of notches side by side. And the tinkling of a convenience store bell, promising blue tongues and cool sweetness in summer.

Aomine clapped a hand on Kagami’s shoulder. “You’re going through some shit, I can tell.”

Shit does not even begin to cover it, Kagami thought wrily. But Aomine’s gaze on his face was thoughtful and serious, and made Kagami’s stomach flip over not entirely unpleasantly. 

“I’m saying that you can let the people around you help you through it,” Aomine continued. “Back at Teikou, I almost forgot how much Tetsu and Satsuki meant to me.”

He looked to the distance, contemplative. “Now I try to remember those places, to remember them as well.” He looked straight at Kagami again, dark eyes piercing through Kagami’s own.

Kagami’s throat suddenly felt dry. He tried to say something, but he could not think of any words. The lump in his throat had finally won the day-long battle over Kagami’s vocal chords.

“This is my place to think through stuff,” Aomine gestured around him. “We can use it to talk if you ever need to.”

Hand reaching towards the back of his neck, he contemplated his feet, words coming out awkward and jagged, stuttering like the puffs of smoke in the distance. “Tetsu might be a better choice, actually, but I can help you through stuff too, if — if you need it.”

Then, as though suddenly remembering to be the asshole he usually was, Aomine punched Kagami in the shoulder. “Or we can chat about what a loser you are at the outdoor courts after our one-on-ones— that works too.”

The smirk Aomine gave Kagami was not his usual shit-eating one. It shone with a genuinity, and honesty, and a sincerity that made Kagami’s heart ache. 

Looking at Aomine, and carefully studying his face, Kagami felt his feet move towards him as though out of his control.

He saw his hand reach out, to grasp Aomine’s own. 

The pleasurable heat was blooming in Kagami’s chest again, even as his heart hammered in his ears, deafening everything else in his surroundings. 

Kagami felt himself lean in towards Aomine’s face.

Chapter Text

In that moment, it seemed as though Kagami was outside himself. Every action was out of his control, it was like someone else had taken possession of him. And yet, each action was performed so naturally, it could only have been borne from his deepest desires, his very core. It could only have come from Kagami himself.

His nose bumped into Aomine’s, because he had never done this before. He didn’t know where to place his feet, what angle to tilt his head. The films he watched dictated his movements, which became automatic and reflexive. It had to be this way, because he was concentrating only on Aomine.

The coarseness of his hand in his. The sharp angles of his jaw. His scent, musty with sweat. There was a tinge of leather— basketball leather, mixed in it too.

The concoction of smells was, to Kagami, like the sensation of drinking a hot drink after a long walk in frigid winter air. Warmth spread in his body to his extremities, as though it flowed through his very veins. Aomine’s smell was like that for Kagami. No one else would’ve been able to command Kagami’s complete attention. No one but Aomine.

His lips were rough. Kagami expected that. His own were dry, and cracked. He wished he thought of licking them before he did this. But then again, everything right now was out of his control. It was all too overwhelming. Aomine’s smell was all around him, his lips were on his own, he could feel Aomine’s hand as well, his own eyes were half-closed— when actually, he wanted them open. Because he wanted to look at Aomine, but somehow his body wasn’t listening to him. 

Kagami tasted the salt in Aomine’s sweat. He immediately wondered how the rest of him tasted. Aomine’s tongue, for example. Would he know what he had last ate? Such a knowledge became so intimate, and so precious all of a sudden. He suddenly wanted to know every little detail about Aomine, merely by tasting him.

Then, without warning, his hand, holding Aomine’s, was gripped by Aomine instead. Kagami’s eyes widened. He was jerked back into reality, and his body came back under his control.

But it wasn’t because Aomine was responding to Kagami. Kagami thought the two of them had been thrust into the eye of a storm, alone and isolated together in a special place. He now knew that wasn’t the case. He was the only one to have thought that. The sounds of metal sliding abruptly filled his ears. He glimpsed rusty rungs of a ladder, and then the motion of the ladder falling, letting out a metallic screech. Aomine had pulled Kagami away only to avoid the ladder. 

His action broke their contact. As Aomine pulled Kagami away, they both ended up slamming into a brick wall. Kagami swore as his shoulder hit the wall, hard. Aomine let out a grunt as he, too, hit it. He immediately bounced off it to turn towards the ladder, which had fallen with a loud crash, however. Even though Kagami’s hand had reflexively tightened around Aomine’s waist on impact against the wall. Even though Kagami’s heart was still beating so hard, for being so close to Aomine.

Aomine had ignored all that, in favour of cursing loudly. “Shit! Who the hell would place a ladder so dangerously over here! This is a public spot, damn it!” He turned to look worriedly at Kagami. “You alright?”

Kagami was breathing too heavily to respond. Just as he was about to nod, however, he remembered what had transpired between he and Aomine merely a moment ago. All of a sudden, his breathing became even more erratic, as though the pace of it was being conducted by the bustling sounds of central Tokyo. He realised that while he was struggling to keep himself under control, Aomine was acting merely as though this was just another regular outing after their one-on-ones.  

He couldn’t bring himself to even nod at Aomine.

Aomine looked even more curiously at him. “...Kagami?”

Kagami swallowed. Then he quickly took his hand off Aomine’s waist. His fingers tingled from the vestiges of Aomine’s touch. 

Aomine opened his mouth to speak again. But Kagami didn’t want to listen to him. He turned around and ran off. To where, he did not know.

Whichever direction would suffice. After all, he was back in that tunnel once more. Wherever he went didn’t matter, because it would still be too far away from that light. 

*** 

By the time Kagami stopped running, he was sweating heavily. It wasn’t because of the run.

He really felt like smacking himself. Why the hell was his body fucking incapable of listening to his mind? He knew it himself. Aomine had done all that because he cared for Kagami. But only as a friend. Nothing more. That wristband, for both him and Kuroko, proved it. 

And he wasn’t even a friend especially important to Aomine. Kuroko was that one special person for him. Momoi was yet another, to Aomine. Kagami was merely a rival. One of Aomine’s many rivals in basketball. 

Kagami knew that he was unmatched as a rival for Aomine. But for how long would he remain this way? Aomine would soon burst into the professional basketball scene, and meet many, many more talented basketball players. Kagami knew this, because he had seen them himself in Los Angeles.

Being a basketball rival was ephemeral — transient, and impermanent. Being there when basketball first touched Aomine wasn’t.

For Aomine, the memory of his first time playing basketball, then fully experiencing it, must have been like brushing against a star. A star that burned intensely bright. It would have scalded Aomine. But once the action was done, there was no other choice but to return to that star again and again. The star was too beautiful, any other choice would have been inconceivable.

Momoi had been there when Aomine first touched that star. Kuroko had been there when Aomine made the choice to return.

But Kagami hadn’t been there during both. He hadn’t been there when Aomine had first touched the untouchable star, and later, returned to it by choice.

This thought filled Kagami with unbearable aching and loneliness. It was much worse, now that he looked up to see where he had ended up after escaping Aomine.

A basketball court, of course. The one thing that would always remind Kagami of Aomine.

Kagami sighed. That one breath wasn’t enough to convey everything he felt. Nevertheless, he took heavy steps to the side of the court, and collapsed to the ground. The ache throbbed within him dully, like a blunt dagger being driven repeatedly into his heart. 

At the side of the court, he observed two children playing basketball in front of him. Both were beginners. One of them kept fumbling with his dribbling. The other was scolding him with every mistake.

“I’m telling you, you’re supposed to dribble with your palms. Your palms!” that little boy said to the other.

“I’m trying, okay, stop nagging me, geez!” came the response.

“You’re not trying hard enough!”

As Kagami watched the two of them argue, the throbbing within him slowly faded, until he became completely absorbed in the boys’ conversation. Eventually, the conversation elapsed into a shouting match.

“You think you’re so good— you suck just as much as I do!”

“Well, at least I can dribble for more than three steps!”

So Kagami decided to intervene before they started pushing one another.

“Oi!” he called out to them. “Brats!”

They stopped yelling at each other to look at him.

“Come here!”

The boys glanced at one another, before cautiously approaching Kagami.

“What’s the problem here, huh?” Kagami made sure to frown, knowing that his eyebrows would ensure that the boys would only speak the truth.

One of the boys gulped. The other braver one said, “There’s no problem, ojii-san. I’m just trying to teach my little brother over here how to play basketball properly.”

Ojii-san? Kagami’s eye twitched. 

At the braver boy’s words, the other one suddenly looked indignant. “Hey! I thought we agreed that I was the older brother!”

“Yeah...but you just suck so much in basketball!” the other one responded, sticking out his tongue.

“Wait, wait, wait…” said Kagami. He looked confusedly from one boy to the other. “You boys can’t be related, right?”

They didn’t look alike in the slightest. One of them, the braver one, had scruffy brown hair, always in a tangle. His eyebrows were in a perpetual frown. The other had neatly-combed black hair. He had gentle-looking eyes; they crinkled easily even as he protested the words of the other boy.

The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes. “‘Course not. Geez, ojii-san. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked out.”

Kagami wanted to bonk the boy on his head.

“We’re not really brothers, no,” interjected the black-haired boy. “But then, we are too!” He grinned. “We met ‘cause we both wanted to learn basketball. But my little brother—” he shot a glare at the brown-haired boy, “—learnt a bit before I found out about basketball, so he’s slightly more experienced than I am.”

Suddenly Kagami could feel that ache once more. It came back in full force. Even he could see the parallels with his own situation. He was angry that even when he tried to run away, he ended up in a basketball court. That even when he thought he could seek solace in the mundanities of the people, of innocent children, around him, they still reminded him of Aomine. Of what he couldn’t have.

“I see,” said Kagami tiredly. He leaned back on his hands. “So? Is it only the two of you playing basketball?”

“Yeah,” said the brown-headed boy, making a face. “No one else likes basketball as much as we do. So for now, it’s just the two of us.”

“It’s alright, though,” the other one spoke up. “It’s still really fun, even if it means I get yelled at a lot.”

“That’s ‘cause you just suck so much! And anyway, I don’t want anyone else but the two of us. Basketball’s our thing.” The brown-headed boy crossed his arms with a huff.

Kagami sighed, and nodded. He understood that. It used to be like that with him, Alex and Himuro too, when he was at that age.

“Well...it’ll only be the two of us for now. At least until we find another person who loves it as much as we do,” said the black-haired boy calmly.

Kagami smiled. A slightly wistful curve of the lips. “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone, I assure you.” 

“We don’t need your assurance, ojii-san!” the brown-headed boy piped up. “We’re still happy even if it’s just the two of us!”

“And besides,” interjected the other boy. “We do have a third member who loves basketball even if he doesn’t play it.” 

Kagami sat up, interested. “You do?”

“Yeah,” the black-haired boy replied. He turned and whistled. “Kiba-chan! Come here, boy!" 

Kagami did his best to slowly back away as a gigantic Alaskan husky bounded up to their little group.

*** 

Several days passed after that incident with Aomine. Kagami got into the routine of attending practice, ignoring Kuroko’s disconcerting stares, going home, cooking dinner, then collapsing into bed. He buried his head under his mangled cushion, and did his best to avoid looking at his phone.

Aomine had texted and called him with even more frequency since then. Kagami didn’t read any of his texts or pick up any of his calls. He would, eventually, of course. Aomine was too important in his life for him to avoid completely.

But until he was ready to face him, Kagami chose to seek comfort under that cushion of his. It would take a while. A really long while, before the ache, and the loneliness he constantly felt, went away. Even a lone satellite, drifting off in space, found other satellites and solitary planets.

It was something that happened so often, especially in those stupid shojo manga. So Kagami knew. Time could heal, even if it was cranky and chose to kick you in the face multiple times before starting the recovery process.

The day he saw Aomine again was a rather cold day. With every puff of his breath, mist formed, curling upwards, then disappearing like a forgotten memory. Kagami was making chicken soup, perfect for that day. When the doorbell to his flat rang, he was watching the chicken stock melt into the water, bits sifting off the little cubes like sand down an hourglass.

The moment he opened the door, his mouth fell open. It wasn’t because of Aomine, or the expression he was wearing — his usual frown and petulant pout. It was because Aomine was carrying a bulging backpack.   

Still gaping, Kagami blurted, “What the hell. Aomine?! What’s with that backpac—” 

“It’s for you.” Aomine thrusted the backpack towards him. Despite the scowl still on his face, he was looking directly into Kagami’s eyes. At his look, so intense and serious, Kagami’s heart started hammering in his chest. He rarely saw that look outside of basketball with Aomine. 

Kagami took the backpack and unzipped it. The moment it opened, packs of wristbands spilled out, making crackling sounds on the floor. Kagami yelped. He quickly zipped up the backpack to stem the torrent of wristbands. Then he turned to gape at Aomine.

“The hell— what? So many— why? I don’t underst— you already gave me...this is so confusing—”

“You know what it means,” said Aomine, cutting off Kagami’s ineloquent grunts. “Don’t you?” He looked meaningfully at him. 

Kagami swallowed. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Aomine’s. 

“Yeah,” he replied, throat dry. “So...this would mean...that —”

“I care about you.” Aomine’s bluntness was magnified by his direct gaze into Kagami’s eyes. “A whole fucking lot. Okay? So stop avoiding me, damn it.”

Kagami’s throat became even drier. His ears started growing very hot. Fidgeting slightly, he didn’t even want to know what his face looked like. Such a sentence coming out from Aomine’s mouth had been unthinkable. So his body was now experiencing the effects of the shock.

He started nodding, slowly, but then Aomine went on. “Let me be honest with you, though. I know I care about you —” there that sentence was again, “— and I know that I want to continue playing basketball with you. Perhaps even more than last time.”

Aomine took a deep breath. “But what you did that time...when you kissed me. That fucking confused me.”

At his words, Kagami suddenly envisioned himself at the bottom of an ocean. He gripped the backpack tightly.

“It confused me,” Aomine continued. “But not to the point that I didn’t want our one-on-ones to go on!” He shot Kagami a glare. “Seriously, I even started playing against myself!” 

He lifted a hand to rub his neck. “It was fucking boring. Not as interesting as...you know. Those other times.”

A silence fell between them. Kagami watched Aomine rub his neck. He was still alone in that tunnel looking at the light at the end. That light was still tantalisingly far away, still unreachable. But this time, Kagami thought that he could move. He thought that he could summon all his strength to force his legs to take a step forward. Only one would be enough to satisfy him. It would be fine, as long as he could get just a little bit closer to that light. 

Kagami took a quiet breath, then grinned at Aomine. It wasn’t as broad as his usual, but probably enough to fool Aomine. At his expression, Aomine stopped rubbing his neck. The corners of his lips curved upwards slightly, as well. 

“Alright, bastard,” said Kagami. His voice sounded too loud in his ears. It would take a while before he could speak normally around Aomine. He gestured at the wristbands on the floor. “Help me pick these up, then I will maybe let you have some of my chicken soup too.” 

Aomine immediately perked up. “Seriously? You made chicken soup? Alright!” He squatted down and started gathering up the wristbands enthusiastically.

Kagami smiled, then squatted too.

Every brush of Aomine’s hand against Kagami’s still gave him a tiny jolt of electricity. His head, so close to his as they squatted together, still made him feel the ache, and unbearable longing. And every time Aomine’s knee bumped against his, Kagami imagined things that couldn’t be true at this point in time, or maybe ever.     

Later, even as he watched Aomine happily devour nearly all his chicken soup, he thought of that lone satellite drifting off in space, with no certain chance of finding another like it. He thought of that light in that tunnel. His desperation to reach it.

He really didn’t know if he would ever stop thinking all those things, or feeling all those things around Aomine. But he was sure as hell glad to have experienced them, for the first time, with Aomine.

Kagami’s grin widened. He reached out to grab a piece of chicken before Aomine could.

Chapter Text

Aomine was shooting free throws like his life depended on it.

He shot, as true and ruthlessly accurate even as his mind was filled with, first, Satsuki. Her face filled his mind, the one person who understood him, and believed in him, more than anyone ever could, as the ball went just as faithfully in, through the hoop.

His next shot, he was making almost unconsciously, unthinkingly. The memory of Tetsu’s jab in Aomine’s stomach, and of his fist bump, each one always stronger, harder, more confident than Aomine ever anticipated. Aomine only absently registered the sound of the basketball going through the hoop again, as he thought about Tetsu, the other person in his life who he could always count on, even if he did always give Aomine hell. 

And then there was Kagami. Aomine fumbled as the thought of Kagami’s lips on his loomed large in his mind. Even muscle reflexes could not help Aomine as his hands shook ever so slightly, the memory of  Kagami’s hands grasping his own overwhelming the hours of training and natural talent that would have ensured his hands led the basketball to its rightful, true path, through the net.

Instead, the ball bounced off the rim and flew wildly off course. Suddenly, an irrational rage filled Aomine. He leapt and grabbed the ball in the air, and, letting momentum lead him, was at the net in less than a second, dunking the ball in one powerful motion. See if he missed now.

But the successful shot did not make Aomine feel any more satisfied. Even now, the thought still struck him like a blow— he hadn’t had been able to move. As Kagami kissed him, Aomine had not been able to react. It felt a little as though his reflexes had betrayed him, although they had acted well enough to react against danger, saving the both of them from that rusty ladder. 

Why hadn’t he been able to respond towards that kiss? Whenever he tried thinking about the answer, Aomine felt as though his brains were made of cotton, and any thought had to slough through impenetrable mush before rising incoherently to the surface. Damnit, Aomine was really, really bad at thinking about all these feelings and shit.

What did he feel about Kagami? Aomine still did not know the answer. He didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer. 

In a way, it had been easier dealing with a Kagami who was avoiding him. Aomine had racked his cotton-filled brains for how to make the bastard talk to him again, and had logically decided that in order to convey his friendship, one wristband must not have been enough. 

Aomine was not very good at maths, but this time it was so simple he could have laughed at it. If one wristband was not enough, then he would give Kagami lots of wristbands. Maybe then the dumbass would get that they were friends, first and foremost, before anything else.

The kiss was a whole other load of shit Aomine still had no idea how to deal with, with his cotton-filled brains and all.

Aomine was suddenly jerked out of his thoughts as he heard the resounding crash of the basketball hoop, as it dropped from the force of his dunk.

Fuck, now he had to pay to repair the rim. And he was already broke enough from buying Kagami all those freaking wristbands.

***

“Then I was like, Adidas? Hah! The only one who can beat Air Jordans is Air Jordans,” Aomine laughed, short and derisive, as he chugged a Pocari. His gaze slipped sideways to look at Kagami’s reaction. Kagami’s eyes seemed transfixed on the movement in his throat for some reason. His sight looked glassy, and his gaze unfocused.

Aomine reached over to whack Kagami upside the head. “Oi, are you even listening to my story? You look like some dumb gorilla.” It had been a good story too — Wakamatsu was such a moron, seriously.

Kagami immediately blinked. His instantaneous laughter sounded forced. Aomine felt offended. Then he felt a stab of irritation as an odd silence descended upon them. Damn it, why was Kagami making this so hard?

Aomine had found it unnaturally effortless to just act like nothing had happened. As their one-on-ones continued, Aomine found it easy to slip back into the same dynamic with Kagami. It was simpler, and safer that way, keeping their friendship the way it always had been. That was how Aomine preferred to deal with things. He did not want to deal with anything more complicated, like damn feelings and shit like that.

But Kagami was making things difficult, as usual. It was just like him to do that — leaving it all up to Aomine to make things right between them for the sake of their friendship. Well, Aomine would do it if it killed him. He was not making the same mistake he did as a dumb middle schooler. He would be the one to fix things this time, instead of waiting for others to do it for him.

Aomine’s gaze fell on the wristband on Kagami’s left wrist. Looking at it gave him a jolt of hope that made him believe they could make it. Their friendship could make it, even if Kagami insisted on being the difficult jerkface he was.

“Hey, give me a wristband.” Aomine drawled, careless and lazy. “I’m so sweaty right now.”

Kagami immediately started. “No!” Like a nervous tic, his right hand moved to clutch the wristband protectively. He glared at Aomine. “It’s mine. Get your own damn wristband. Or a towel, or something.” 

Aomine gaped at him. “I bought you so fucking many and you won’t even give me one? You’re such a cheapskate!”

Kagami looked defensive. “If you bought so many for me you can buy one more for yourself. You’re the cheapskate. What kind of asshole asks for something back once it’s given?”

Aomine just smirked at him as he reached over to grab Kagami’s wrist, then wipe his sweat on the wristband wrapped around it. Times like this, it was easy to forget that the confusing kiss ever happened. Times like this, Aomine felt most happy, and comfortable in. Now, this kind of relationship with Kagami he could get, and understand. This kind of dynamic with Kagami was safely in Aomine’s comfort zone.

His smirk lived only a short blazing life, however, as he registered that Kagami had become, suddenly, very stiff. Aomine realized then that he was still holding Kagami’s left wrist. And in the position they were in right then, he had effectively pulled Kagami close to him. Very close.

Fucking dumbass! Aomine immediately wanted to kick himself for doing something so incredibly stupid like this. Maybe he would throw stones at a beehive later or something. He was so dumb he deserved to get chased by bees forever, like one of those Ancient Greek horror punishments Tetsu had told him once about. 

But he had not been able to help himself. Even now, he still could not help himself. Aomine had always been a guy that was more about physical gestures than words. He was a guy of friendly touches, not eloquent speeches.

And he could see Kagami’s eyes, wide and shocked, right next to him. He could feel Kagami’s breath, hot yet gentle, on his face. He could see the sweat that beaded on Kagami’s neck, and his collarbones. He could hear Kagami’s breath quicken, then, as well.

Aomine swallowed. He could see Kagami’s gaze fall, and linger, following the movement in his throat again. Kagami’s gaze was intense on him.So intense, that he could not help reacting, in turn. The heat of a flush rose gently at the back of his neck. 

Another, gentler heat started in the middle of his chest and slowly started spreading across Aomine’s body. It felt like a little ball of light, glowing and pulsing within Aomine. 

He could see in Kagami’s eyes that he was thinking about the kiss, again. Aomine felt his own tongue flick out to wet his lips, as he thought about it, too. 

Aomine could not think of anything then, only the look on Kagami’s face. His brains still felt like cotton. But through the density of the cotton, one thought was dominant — he wanted to kiss Kagami, too. 

Then he saw a realization of the situation, sudden and unexpected, in Kagami’s eyes. And pain, as well. The cotton in Aomine’s head cleared. Aomine let Kagami’s wrist go, and leaned away from him.   

The little ball of light was abruptly extinguished. Aomine suddenly felt very cold, like he had been doused with cold water, the way Satsuki sometimes woke him up in the morning. But he also felt very empty.

Kagami was coughing very loudly. “I should be heading back. It’s getting late, and we have early training tomorrow.”

Aomine could not bring himself to speak, not even to demand for the Maji Burgers Kagami still owed him. His stomach was squirming uncontrollably right now, anyway. 

Aomine only nodded in response. He could not help watching as Kagami grabbed his bag, and got ready to leave. He watched carefully, thoughtfully, as Kagami avoided his eyes. Then he watched Kagami’s back, and the muscles that moved as Kagami walked away. 

So he was attracted to that idiot Kagami. What the fuck was he going to do now? 

***

The damnable cotton was back, stuffed in Aomine’s head to the brim. Aomine was trying very hard to push through it. Damnit, getting into the Zone was easier than thinking about fucking feelings.

Aomine was currently attempting problem-solving, Satsuki style. It could not be helped — she was the best problem-solver he knew, and he wanted to solve this problem.

He had started a list. It only had three and a half items on it. First, he had written, very large, at the top: Problems.

Then he had written number one: Kagami was an idiot.

Number two: Aomine was attracted to that idiot.

Number three: Aomine cared about the idiot.

Number four: Aomine did not know if he even really cared for Kagami that way, as more than a friend.

Well, actually Aomine had written ‘fuck this feelings shit.’ He did not know what to feel, or how to feel. That was the part the cotton had finally won the battle against Aomine’s thoughts.

All he knew was that Kagami was a precious and important friend to him, somewhat the way Tetsu and Satsuki were. But he did not know if he wanted more. He did not want to think about whether he wanted more. 

All he wanted to do was play basketball with Kagami forever. Was that completely impossible?

*** 

“You’re the most fucking expensive idiot ever, seriously.”

Aomine levelled a gaze at Kagami’s moronic, oblivious face. 

“This is, what, the third time I’m buying you shit? Damnit, even Satsuki isn’t this expensive. And we go to a ton of cafes,” Aomine grumbled, as he pushed past Kagami. 

“But teriyaki burgers are worth introducing,” Aomine smirked as he lifted the bulging plastic bag. “Way better than your lameass cheeseburgers, for sure.”

Kagami opened his mouth, protest ready, but Aomine stuffed a burger in his mouth.

“Before you say the dumb things you normally do, let me talk first,” Aomine sat at Kagami’s dinner table, plopped the bag full of burgers in the middle, and pointed demandingly at the chair across the table, opposite him.

Kagami glared, but sat anyway. Aomine smirked. “They’re good, eh?”

He watched Kagami roll his eyes, then mumble some loser defense for cheeseburgers. Aomine just ignored it. His heart was starting to pound. Damnit, he had finally come up with an idea to fix all the shit that had been happening. He hoped he, or more importantly, Kagami, wouldn’t screw this up.

“Okay, I have five teriyaki burgers here, just for you. Well, four and a half now,” Aomine’s smirk widened as Kagami took another bite of the first burger.

“And before you complain about how this is not enough for you, this is what Tetsu, or Satsuki, would call a ‘symbolic gesture,’” Aomine said, self-importantly.

“Also,” he continued, reaching over to whack Kagami on the head to stop him from finishing one of his five chances to talk without Kagami opening his big mouth. “I am not fucking rich, and you eat too damn much anyway.”

Kagami finally paused in his eating, and gritted out, “Just spit out what this crap is for.”

Aomine sighed. Some people had no patience for the deeper things of life. And Satsuki said Aomine was the simple one.

“I have five points to talk to you about. One burger for each of them. And a dumbass like you would remember things better through food, anyway.” He watched Kagami’s reaction to his proposal carefully. Aomine thought he was chewing more thoughtfully than usual, if cows could look thoughtful chewing. 

Aomine shoved another burger into Kagami’s now empty hands, and then took a deep breath.

“Number one, I’m sorry about how I acted after the kiss,” Aomine suddenly found he could not look at, and watch, Kagami’s reaction anymore. Instead, he focused on the burgers. “I was fucking confused, and all I had wanted to do was play basketball. So I thought that would be enough.” 

Next, Aomine focused on the food stain on Kagami’s otherwise pristinely white couch. Seirin must have been visiting recently. “Number two, I care about you. You—you damn well know that.” Damnit, the cotton was beginning to spread to Aomine’s mouth. His tongue felt heavy, thick, and clumsy, as he tried speaking eloquently.

“I-I care about you as a basketball rival, and a friend,” Aomine cringed. Now he had said the word ‘care’ again. He was not some damn soppy wimp.

He pushed another burger towards Kagami. It was now the third point, but Aomine thought it was not getting any easier, all this talking and shit.

“I want to keep playing basketball with you. So I don’t want you to avoid me whenever you feel like it.” Damn it, this being straightforward thing was hard, too. But Kagami was an idiot. Aomine had to spell things out clearly, and with burgers too.

Now the fourth burger. This was the big one. Aomine's heart was hammering hard in his chest. This time, he forced himself to look up. He almost recoiled in shock as he registered that Kagami had not been eating. The burgers were piled in front of him. 

“What the hell?” Aomine glared, irritated. “You’re not eating? You’re wasting my damn money here, asshole.”

Kagami only levelled a strong gaze at Aomine. “How can I eat when you’re saying all these things, you moron?” Aomine watched the flush rise on Kagami’s face. 

Kagami looked seriously at Aomine. “What’s next?”

Aomine took a deep breath. “What’s next, is this.” He leaned forward. Hand reaching around Kagami’s neck, he pulled Kagami towards him, and pressed his lips onto his.

This time, he paid full attention to the sensations, even as his heart pounded in his chest. Kagami tasted like teriyaki burgers — Aomine inwardly congratulated himself for good preparation in that sense.

Kagami also smelt different, but that was because this was one of the only times they were both not sweaty after an intense one-on-one. So he smelt clean. 

Aomine had closed his eyes to better sense the kiss, but then he opened them after a while, and registered Kagami’s open eyes as well. Instantly, he felt a rude tug in his stomach. Kagami’s gaze looked surprised, but there was a tenderness in it that made Aomine feel wholly uncomfortable. He felt unworthy of that tenderness.

Suddenly, Aomine became aware of how uncomfortable his position was, leaning over Kagami’s table like that. He was probably getting teriyaki sauce all over his shirt, too.

He released Kagami, and sat back. “I wanted to feel what that was like, again. Just to make sure.” The surprise in Kagami’s eyes was still there.

“I’m attracted to you, dumbass.” At his words, Aomine saw a smile slowly spread on Kagami’s face. He felt his own lips begin to quirk up, too.

Aomine could feel the little ball of light begin to glow within him, again. He was only now beginning to associate the pleasant sensation with Kagami. So he had a huge soft spot for the dumbass. 

He had to clamp down on it, however, for the last words he wanted to say. He looked away from Kagami, not bearing to look at him again. Clamping forcibly on that little ball of light made the emptiness creep within Aomine, again. 

“But I don’t know whether this the right thing to do or not. I’m really bad at all this feelings crap.” Internally, Aomine felt like he was drowning in that cotton. His words all sounded clumsy, and cruel, and awkward. He was doing this all wrong.

“I don’t want to ruin what we already have. Not seeing you, not playing basketball with you, that would suck. It would be worse than even when I had left Tetsu behind, back at Teikou.” Aomine thought his voice did not sound like his own. That hollow, cruel voice could only belong to someone else.

“We shouldn’t do anything more,” Aomine heard the voice say his words again. “I don’t want to screw anything up. Not again.”

He contemplated the pile of teriyaki burgers, not daring to look at Kagami. Dimly, he heard Kagami get up. Aomine had never rejected someone before, so he didn’t know what was supposed to happen next. He hoped the idiot wouldn’t start crying. He really wouldn’t know what to do if that happened.

He hoped he wouldn’t start crying. That would be embarrassing. But the pressure in his chest, drowning that little ball of light, was too intense. It felt as though Aomine could only release it by playing basketball. With Kagami. Or kissing Kagami. He clamped down harder on the urge. The little ball of light was nearly out completely now. The emptiness was all-encompassing.

Suddenly, he heard a whoosh. Aomine caught the basketball flying towards him only through the grace of his natural talent, and animal instinct. At first, the basketball blocked his view. As he moved it out of the way, Aomine’s gaze snapped onto Kagami’s face.

Kagami’s challenging look was strong and competitive, the one that always made Aomine’s heart pump with the unbearable desire to play basketball, again and again.

“What are you waiting for? Let’s play basketball.” Kagami’s voice sounded normal. Normal was good. Normal, Aomine could handle.

As he approached Kagami, Aomine again watched him carefully. There was a look of calm acceptance on Kagami’s face. His eyes still held the dull pain that made Aomine’s heart ache, and the little ball of light grow yet again. It was a strong, enduring little ball of light indeed. 

As they left Kagami’s apartment, Aomine bumped his shoulder against Kagami’s, and spun the basketball close, mockingly, to Kagami’s face. He could not help feeling the little ball of light brightening at the physical contact to Kagami.

“Bet you a wristband you can’t score more than three points against me today.” Aomine smiled, challengingly.

Kagami smiled back. There was something different in his smile. It was slightly sadder. But it was also stronger — like Kagami had grown, in the few short minutes Aomine had spent talking to him through burgers and awkward words.

And the pain in his eyes, it was weak under the strength of Kagami’s challenging, spirited gaze at him.

Aomine saw that Kagami’s gaze still lingered on his face, on his lips. But it was different, in a way. There was still the longing, but there was no desperation any longer. Something else had replaced the desperation — a wistfulness, or friendly affection, of some sort. 

Aomine could not truly understand what that difference was. He understood even less what Kagami must be feeling now. But he had good instincts. And his instincts told him that Kagami would be okay, in the end. They would be okay. Their friendship would be okay.

And if something more were to happen, well, that was something to think about, perhaps later. When Aomine was ready.

“I’ll bet you three wristbands,” Kagami grinned at him. “I have plenty to spare, after all.”