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"I'll leave this song to you, Epik High's Home is Far Away."
"This has been DJ Kang Seungyoon for FM Play Radio. Let's meet again next Tuesday night at 7 pm. Good night. I love you."
I love you.
Those three words, to Seungyoon it is something superficial. Something abstract that he utters every Tuesday to strangers listening to his radio show in the middle of the night. Sitting alone inside the soundproof well-lit room, in front of the cold metals surrounding him, he uttered those words, I love you.
Seungyoon is an only child raised only by his mother. He knows the love of a mother to her child, he experienced it. He knows the love of a child to his mother, he feels it. He is familiar to the love of a friend to a friend, he had met a lot of them. But he never knew the love of someone to his lover. He never experienced it nor has seen it first-hand. He never understood how a person could love someone despite their flaws if it is not bounded by blood nor limited by friendship. To him, the words I love you are just mere words and unimportant. The most important to him now is to keep his job in this cold and competitive city of Seoul.
The on-air light turns off. The radio show has ended. Seungyoon's day has also come to an end. He exited the booth and greets the staffs goodbye.
Seungyoon is not too far out of the room when the PD of his radio show, Lee Seunghoon, called him, "Seungyoon-ah, I have something to tell you."
"Yes, PD-nim?" responds Seungyoon surprised by the sudden greeting.
"Its a little bit of a bad news. You know Song Mino, right? The management is considering reformatting the program and replacing you with him. They want something fun and sweet. They think that your show is a bit depressing and that is not what the general public wants right now. But don't worry, it is not set to stone yet. They will first observe your performance for the month then they will decide. I am just giving you a heads up. ", informed Seunghoon while looking burdened for being the bearer of the bad news.
"I see. Thank you for informing me." Seungyoon replied then walks away.
He walks blankly on the road to the bus stop with drooping shoulders. While thinking of what PD Lee had told him, he remembers the lyrics of the last song he played in his radio show.
Is there no place for me in this huge world?
Am I alone in this busy street?
Is there not a single empty seat for me?
He looks up at the dark sky and wonders if it is going to rain then he remembered he forgot his umbrella. Why is the world so harsh to me? he thought. He was never greedy with what he has. All he wanted was to keep the life he is living right now. After a lot of hard work, he earned the postion of a radio dj and not even a year passed, it will be taken away from him.
Why is it hard to find a place you belong in this world?
The bus comes while Seungyoon is still deep in his thoughts looking at the sky. The driver honks his horns to notify Seungyoon of his leaving but there is no response from him. The driver could not wait for him any longer and closes the doors. When Seungyoon snaps out of his thoughts, the bus is already gone. It is already 9 pm and the next bus will not be arriving until after two hours.
I don't want to go home anyway.
Seungyoon decided to take a walk first and turns away from the bus stop. He just wandered around the street until he saw an open coffee shop, AMANTI DI CAFFÈ. Seungyoon never likes the bitter taste of coffee. He never even stepped inside a coffee shop. But tonight he wonders if its bitter taste could numb the bitterness of his life.
The wind chime jingles as Seungyoon opened the door of the coffee shop. The sound calmed Seungyoon a bit but then got surprised by the two tiny creatures that greeted him at the doorway. The two creatures are sphynx cats, one is color beige and the other one is gray. He is amused by the owner's choice of breed. Most people would go for a cute and furry type, one that they would love to cuddle. And the more amusing thing is they are just roaming around the coffee shop like it is their own home. He loves cats but he has no time to take care of them so he never got one. Seeing the cats gives him a good first impression about the coffee shop and its owner. He thought it is a good decision to step in this coffee shop.
Inside, he could sniff the strong aroma of the beans being roasted mixed with a tinge of cinnamon and vanilla from the breads displayed at the counter. He goes to order at the counter and is greeted cheerily by an orange-haired woman with bangs covering her forehead. The woman's name, Lalice, is embroidered in her uniform. Seungyoon takes no notice of her and is just busy selecting his order from the menu above her. He places his order after some thought, "One grande americano, please. Thank you."
Seungyoon's mind is so occupied that he also did not notice the barista behind Lalice that turned his head when he heard Seungyoon's voice. Lalice punches his order in and requests,"Please take a sit and wait a while. We will give the order to you later."
He looks for an empty seat and luckily finds one near the window. While waiting, he observes the interior of the coffee shop and the people inside it. The coffee shop closely resembles a house with sofa-like chairs adorned with pillows. The tables are made with wood which are cozy and soothing for Seungyoon since he is so used to having a surrounding filled with metals, glass and plastics only. There are a few students studying, a couple having a date and some lone individuals equipped with laptops who might be busy finishing their reports. No matter what their agendas are, they seem to be comforted by the ambiance inside the coffee shop.
After a few minutes, Seungyoon's order finally arrives. The waiter carefully places the cup of americano in front of him. And to Seungyoon's surprise, the waiter also placed a slice of strawberry cheesecake on his table.
"I did not order this." Seungyoon clarified.
The waiter smiled and answered, "It is on the house. Our owner wants to give it to you."
Seungyoon is doubtful but how could he refuse the temptation of his favourite sweet delicacy in front of him? He gives in to temptation and decides to just thank the gracious soul later.
Seungyoon smiled and replied to the waiter, "Well then, thank you very much. Please extend my thanks to your owner too."
When the waiter left, Seungyoon notices that it starts to rain outside. The rattling of the rain, the sporadic meowing of the cats, the acoustic background music of the coffee shop all sync perfectly together. It feels ike he is living in the most peaceful part of the world. For a moment, he temporarily forgets the worries he had in mind.
He lifts up the cup of coffee to drink and notices a small pink note pasted on top of the saucer penned with a beautiful handwriting.
Smile. Even if the world does not. Smile. Just smile and you'll see the difference (^_^).
Seungyoon realizes that he has not smiled the whole time since hearing the news. Reading the letter makes Seungyoon's lips curl up. He tastes the americano and his face crinkles from the bitterness but his smile did not wane. He immediately takes a bite from the strawberry cheesecake to reduce the bitterness. Seungyoon never really likes drinking coffee so he could not really judge it but he could say that it is the best strawberry cheesecake he ever had.
Seungyoon's situation did not change. He is still at the verge of getting axed from the radio show but his perspective did. He realized that he cannot just mope around. He has to do something and he already found his answer through the pink note. For him to has this change of mindset, he has only one person in mind to thank. The person who created this enchanting coffee shop that serves as his momentary solace from this suffocating world. The one who gives him the pink note, the owner of AMANTI DI CAFFÈ.
It is already half past midnight. The last bus trip to Seungyoon's home already passed. The rain has stopped and the people inside the coffee shop left one after another. Seungyoon waited until the closing time of the coffee shop. He doesn't want to disturb the coffee shop's operation by talking to the owner. When all customers left, Seungyoon approaches the counter and asks Lalice for the owner of the restaurant. She points him to the barista behind her.
"Owner! Someone is looking for you," Lalice called while arranging her stuff at the counter.
The owner turns his head and approaches her. He sees Seungyoon and smiles at him. Then asked, "Kang Seungyoon-ssi, did you enjoy the strawberry cheesecake?"
Seungyoon saw an unfamiliar face and wonders why he knows him. But more than his curiosity, the moment Seungyoon sets his eyes upon him, he was stunned. He expected the owner to be much older but he looks so young. The name of the owner is also embroidered on the pocket of his white polo, Jinwoo. Jinwoo looks similar to a prince from another country. He has neatly pulled back blond hair and outstanding facial features. His dimples is also very prominent when he smiles. He seems to be a very refined and charming man. He has the look of a cold city man who broke a lot of hearts.
"Yes, it was delicious. Thank you very much. I also found this under my cup," Seungyoon replied while raising up the note with his hand.
"Oh! You found it." Jinwoo exclaimed.
Lalice sensed that the two needed privacy so she takes this time to leave. "I'll be leaving, owner! Take care of yourself," She called Jinwoo out before she exits to the doorway.
Jinwoo waves to her goodbye then looks at the clock. He looks back at Seungyoon and asked worriedly, "Its already late. How are you going to go home?"
"I guess I'm riding a taxi since there is no bus at this time, " replied Seungyoon.
"Is that so? I'll take you to your home. I have a car," Jinwoo kindly offered.
"You don't have to," Seungyoon refused while waving both of his hands.
"I insist. It will be hard to get a taxi at this time. Don't worry I'm not a bad person, " Jinwoo countered while flashing his beautiful smile.
Seungyoon weighs his options for a long time. It is dangerous to ride a car with a person he just met but it is a lot easier to travel by car. Besides, Jinwoo looks kind and Seungyoon is also curious about him. In the end, he took his offer.
"Thank you."
"Its no big deal. I'll just finish some things here then we will go."
After Jinwoo finished checking everything in the shop and putting both his cats inside their cages, he motioned to Seungyoon to follow him to his car. Seungyoon silently followed at the back of the shop to Jinwoo's car. He sat beside Jinwoo at the passenger sit and gave him his address.
Jinwoo starts his car and starts pressing things on his car's dashboard. Jinwoo has been doing it for a few minutes that Seungyoon starts to wonder and asks,"What are you doing?"
"I actually don't know how to use the navigator of the car I've never used it ," Jinwoo replied with his embarassed smile.
Seungyoon finds it adorable. Jinwoo is actually not the chic guy he imagined but an innocent and clumsy lamb. He helped Jinwoo use the navigation and also puts his address in the process.
"Thank you very much. Oh! Your place is near the Han River. That must have been great. You could take a walk anytime you want." Jinwoo comments happily while driving the car.
"Its nothing much, actually. You'll get bored with the view if you see it everyday," Seungyoon replied nonchalantly.
"That's true. But it is still special to others who are not able to see it everyday. Don't you think you are lucky to be able to see it whenever you wanted? We should be more appreciative of what we have because you will never know when it will change. Everything here is temporary." Jinwoo responds.
"I guess you are right. I never think about it that way." Seungyoon replied while thinking how positive Jinwoo's outlook was.
The more time he spends with Jinwoo, the more gets curious. He asks, "Actually, I have a lot of questions about you.Why do you know my name? Why did you give me the cake and letter? Who are you? "
"Now that I think about it, I haven't properly introduced myself to you. I'm Kim Jinwoo, 27 years old and the owner of the coffee shop. I'm a big fan of your radio show. I listen to it every Tuesday. I love the tone of your voice. It relaxes me. I recognized your voice the moment you ordered at the counter. The cake and note is a thank you for encouraging me during the most difficult time of my life. I'm really glad to have met you," Jinwoo answered.
Seungyoon wanted to know how he encouraged Jinwoo but he stops himself from prying, remembering that they just met,"It is the same for me.Thank you very much for your compliments. I actually wanted to thank you for the pink note. I had heard a bad news today and the note gave me strength. Actually, I'm also very happy to have known your coffee shop. It feels like its fate to have stepped inside it at this hour."
"I'm glad the note cheered you up. I got worried because you looked so sullen when you entered. The coffee shop is actually a joint business of me and my friend. He gives financial support and I'm responsible for running it." Jinwoo replied.
"I see.You've got a really good friend," Seungyoon commented.
Jinwoo just stayed silent.
They finally arrived in front of Seungyoon's apartment, "We're already here."
Seungyoon removes his seatbelt and says, "Thank you for letting me ride in your car. I keep being on the receiving end."
Jinwoo chides while smiling, "Its okay. If you are that grateful, come to the cafe from time to time. Let's be friends."
Seungyoon smiled and replied back, "I will. Thank you."
He waves to the car's direction until it could not be seen before he enters his apartment.
"We have created a new segment on our program. Words that Healed My Soul. Do you have any words uttered by a friend, or perhaps seen from the walls of a building as you walked home that inspired you? Just send your story to us and let others be healed by the words that comforted you. We will find the right music that will get along with your words of encouragement. As a start, let me share my story. I was comforted by these words I received from a cup of coffee and I hope you will receive comfort from this words too."
"Smile. Even if the world does not, smile. Just smile and you'll see the difference."
"If you have the same experience, don't be afraid to share it with us."
With that, I'll leave this song to all of you, Winner's Smile Again."
"This has been DJ Kang Seungyoon for FM Play Radio. Let's meet again next Tuesday night at 7 pm. Good night. I love you."
"Seungyoon-ah! Good job! The rating increased because of the new segment! A lot of people keeps sending stories on how words could heal them," PD Lee happily informed Seungyoon.
"Thank you very much." he replied. He feels happy hearing the news and can't wait to share it to his new found friend, Jinwoo.
Seungyoon went straight to the coffee shop after he finished his recording. Lalice greeted him cheerily but all he notices is Jinwoo who is behind her and making coffee. He ordered the same as before, "One grande americano."
Jinwoo turned his head hearing Seungyoon's voice and peeked over Lalice's shoulders. He greets Seungyoon with his usual smile,"Oh! Seungyoon-ssi! I don't think strong drinks suits you. Want to try our strawberry frappucino?"
Seungyoon smiled and answers ,"I would love to. Please change my order to strawberry frappucino."
Lalice who is in charge of inputting the orders looks at Jinwoo grumpily, "Owner! Don't go changing the customer's orders on your own."
Jinwoo takes her reply lightly and replies laughing, "Sorry."
Both Seungyoon and Lalice get infected by Jinwoo's laugh and laugh along with him.
Since then, Seungyoon becomes a regular in Jinwoo's coffee shop. He comes every Tuesday night after his show. Jinwoo always puts pink notes to his coffee. All of which are words of encouragement that gets him energized through the week. Seungyoon always feels like finding a treasure everytime he receives one.
Live a life you will not regret (^_^).
Find something that makes you happy every day (^_^).
Do your best in everything you do \(^_^)/.
As time goes on, Seungyoon feels like going to the coffee shop every week is not enough. He wanted to read Jinwoo's encouraging words everyday. He wanted to hear Jinwoo's laugh. He wanted to see Jinwoo's smile. Seungyoon cannot wait for Tuesday to come and goes to the coffe shop on a Saturday morning. Unlike an ordinary Tuesday night, the coffee shop is buzzing with people and it is very hard to find an empty sit.
Seungyoon luckily finds one where he could see Jinwoo work. He quietly observes Jinwoo as he makes coffee. Being mesmerized by his beauty, he sneakily takes a photo of Jinwoo with his phone. While waiting for the coffee, he watches Jinwoo smiles and charms his way into the customers' hearts. He notices how everyone looks at Jinwoo with heart eyes and seems to have fallen under his spell. He realizes that Jinwoo is generally kind to everyone not just to him. He always smiles and looks gentle. Even his employees are not afraid to treat him like a friend. Seungyoon comes to realize that he might just be another customer to Jinwoo, that he is nothing special. While having this thought, Seungyoon felt his heart gets heavy that like a bump was stuck in his chest.
I got way over myself. I forgot that he does not belong to anyone, not to me. He is like a firework that shines with its ephemeral glow, decorating the stars with his brilliance and exquisite colors. He was there to fascinate and be loved by all and not to be owned.
The coffee arrived and Seungyoon just stared at it blankly. He stands from his chair and leaves the coffee shop with his drink untouched. Since then, he decided to never step foot in that place. Life taught him to walk away before he gets disappointed. He decided to wrap his heart with stone of denial and resistance before it could be broken.
Under the cup of coffee that Seungyoon never touched, a small pink note is placed. Three words penned in beautiful handwriting that Seungyoon never read,
I love you <3.
At the coffee shop...
"Ouch!" Jinwoo has slightly burned his hand by the boiling water again.
Lalice heard him and goes to give him a wet towel.
"Owner, how many times have you burned your hand this month? I know you are clumsy but you've become worse. You keep turning your head every time you hear the wind chimes."
"I do? Its just your imagination." Jinwoo answered complacently while tending his burn.
The wind chime clinks again and Jinwoo turns his head to anticipate the entering customer. He gets disappointed and looked sullen for an instant when he saw that it is not the person whom he missed not seeing for a month, its not Seungyoon. Realizing that he just did what Lalice commented earlier, he quickly turns back to her but finds no excuse for his action. Lalice lets out a mocking laugh at her boss who is caught red-handed to Jinwoo's embarassment.
"I thought you are just a moving mannequin. I guess you have feelings too. Love sickness, I guess. Well, goodluck with your love life! I'll be cheering you on!" Lalice teased while making her exit to tend to the customers at the counter.
Jinwoo laughs at her teasing but his smile fades as he gets back to his work.
"Guys! Our show is getting up steadily and now we become number one! Congratulations!" PD Lee Seunghoon cheerily announced.
"Good work, everyone! This calls for a celebration! Let's go party! The drinks are on me," he added.
Everyone cheers loudly. Seungyoon is happy too but he is not someone who likes drinking so he inteded to pass.
"Seungyoon-ah, you can't pass. You are the one that made this show popular. I know that you don't have any agenda tomorrow. You don't have an excuse," Seunghoon urged and Seungyoon have no choice but to follow.
And so, they all went to the karaoke. It was a festive celebration and everyone sang their hearts out. They stayed at the karaoke until a lot of them got wasted. After playing at the karaoke, PD Lee decided to move to other place and go for round two. PD Lee never really drinks, he just likes seeing people around him get drunk. Seungyoon takes this chance to leave. He convinces his colleagues that he is just a little bit drunk so they let him go home alone. He walks aimlessly and his feet unknowingly leads him near the coffee shop. Seungyoon stopped a few walks away from the shop enough to observe but not be seen.
This is going to be the last time I'll see him. I will just take a quick look.
Seungyoon promises himself to just observe from faraway. It is the closing time of the shop and he could spot that Jinwoo is the only one inside. Jinwoo goes out of the shop to bring the sign board inside. He arranged some seats then turns the lights off. He goes to the counter to get the keys and his things. Then suddenly, someone hugs him from behind.
"Jinwoo-ssi, I missed you. I'm sorry I could not face you. You see, I'm afraid. You are so vibrant and full of life but I'm just empty and gloomy. You are loved by a lot of people and I am afraid that someday you would not need me anymore. So I walked away before that happens."
It was Seungyoon's voice. The moment he saw Jinwoo outside of the coffee shop, he could no longer keep his promise to himself. Maybe it was the effect of alcohol in his body that he could not keep his reason. Or maybe it was his strong resistance of seeing Jinwoo failing because of wanting to hold this person so much.
Jinwoo could tell that Seungyoon has been drinking before coming to him. He hears Seungyoon's sincerity from his trembling voice. He places his hands over Seungyoon's hands and releases himself from the hug.
Jinwoo turns back to face Seungyoon. He cups Seungyoon's face, wipes Seungyoon's tears with his hands and looks directly to Seungyoon's eyes, "You know what? A cup that is not filled cannot fill another cup. You say you are empty but I am full. I'll fill your empty cup with my love and when you're full with my love, you could just fill mine with yours so both of us will not be empty. Forever sharing our love with each other."
Jinwoo did not utter the words "I love you" but Seungyoon understood Jinwoo's words. It was more magical, more enchanting than the words written in the pink notes he received. He hugs Jinwoo tighter as if claiming that he is already his. He bends his head, closes his eyes and slowly approaches Jinwoo for a kiss. Jinwoo tilts his head, closes his eyes and meets Seungyoon's lips.
The next morning....
Seungyoon wakes up at the sound of the alarm. He wakes up naked in an unfamilar room, in an unfamiliar bed. His head is hurting from hangover but he doesn't care. All he cares about is the person sleeping defenselessly beside him. He vividly remembers every words, every touch, every resonance of their heart beating last night. His lips curl up from the thought of the two of them. He gently brushes Jinwoo's hair then places a soft kiss in his forehead.
No, he is not a firework. He is the sun. He covers me with his warmth and unfading light. He is exclusively for me and I'll gladly revolve around him only.
He gazes at the sleeping fairy in front of him for a long time while confirming over and over again that everything is real. That enchanting fairy opens his eyes looking more surreal than he ever was when he is sleeping and stares straight at him with his big and twinkling eyes.He gives an innnocent smile and greets Seungyoon with his tender voice, "Good morning."
Seungyoon's heart beats louder at the sound of Jinwoo's voice that it might be heard inside the empty room. He can't get enough of him and proceeds to glomp on him. This tingling feeling he cannot explain. This feeling of being overwhelmed by one's presence. This feeling of not wanting to be apart even for a second. Now he knows this feeling and he can't help but say it in words.
"I love you."
"Me too." Jinwoo replied and reciprocates his hug.
They stayed like that in bed for a while.
"I'll leave this song to all of you, Bolbbalgan4's Galaxy."
"This has been DJ Kang Seungyoon for FM Play Radio. Let's meet again next Tuesday night at 7 pm. Good night. I love you."
I love you.
Those three words, to Seungyoon it was something special. Something he would like to say everyday to the one person he knows is listening to him every Tuesday night. Inside the well-lit soundproof room, with the cold metals surrounding him, he delivers his message loud and clear without interference. He is not alone anymore and so he utters those words, I love you.
~~END~~
A/N:Enjoy the song ^^