Chapter Text
“tomorrow night, two new celebrities will enter the camp, we’ll see how they fare tomorrow at 9pm on itv! So,” Dec smirked, “shall we meet them?”
The studio crew cheered, which just spurred him on more.
“Well then, run VT!”
—————-
“Hi, I’m Cheryl Blossom.” A young woman with fiery red hair and pale skin was perched on a stool in a hotel room, talking directly into the camera. “And you might know me from Made In Chelsea. Well, that’s how I got famous. Now I design clothing for people richer than myself.” She grinned at the camera.
In supposedly another room, a small woman was precariously crouched on her chair, trying to make herself taller.
“Hey, I’m Toni Topaz,” she ran a tattooed hand through her brown and pink hair. “And if you haven’t guessed, I’m a tattoo artist. One of the best in the world, actually.” Toni smiled sheepishly at the camera.
“Why did I want to come on the show? Umm.. I guess I wanted to do it for my brother. We used to sit and watch it in the living room after we were supposed to be in bed. It’s my way of making him happy even though we’ve drifted.” Cheryl wiped her watery eyes with one manicured hand.
“One of my producers on tattoo fixers dared me to… but also I think the show just holds a place in everybody’s hearts, and I wanna be a part of it.” Toni gave a lopsided grin to the camera, making fans all over the UK already fall in love.
“There isn’t much I’m excited about, i mean im spending three weeks in the jungle, im going to smell like a rat’s arse after this, and my skins going to be like a snakes. But i guess that seeing the camp in person after years of watching it will be fun”
"I'm most looking forward to winning" Toni replied instantly "got to admit I'm quite competitive so I'm gonna wanna get all the stars and obviously I wanna be queen of the jungle in the end. And the food too, I'm looking forward to trying those famous camp meals, I might be famous for tattoos, but I know my way around a kitchen.”
The last sight of the new arrivals before the video interivews ended was Toni Topaz smiling brightly and then Cheryl shaking her head in despair and muttering "What have you gotten me into Jason?"
———-
This whole experience was completely baffling to Cheryl. She’d done a lot of stupid things in her time: burned down Thornhill, jumped off the bridge at Sweetwater River, made out with Chuck Clayton, but never did she think he would end up in the middle of fuck knows where Australia about to go into the I'm a Celebrity Jungle all because of her twin brother.
After her entrance interview she'd been swept up and driven to a random field where the only other people around had cameras pointing at her bewildered face. Thankfully she wasn’t there alone for long. Ten minutes after arriving, just as she was starting to think that this all might be some elaborate prank by Jason and Josie, another jeep pulled up and out stepped a woman. Not just any woman either. She was small, littered with tattoos and undeniably beautiful. As soon as the mystery girl was safely out of the car it sped off in the other direction leaving them and the film crew alone.
"Hello" Cheryl welcomed the new arrival.
"Hi, I'm Toni" the woman said, "nice to meet you".
"You too" Cheryl replied taking Toni’s hand in her own, shaking it in greeting. "any idea as to what's going on?"
"Unfortunately I think I might" Toni grimaced. Seconds later Cheryl heard it. The familiar sound of a helicopter, hovering ready to land. They made their way over to it and opened up the door. On the floor of the helicopter laid two packs with a laminated note on top.
Toni took it and read aloud:
"Campers, welcome to the jungle" she said with a giant grin on her face as she side eyed Cheryl, "prepare to jump right into action".
"Does that mean what I think it means?" Cheryl asked fearfully.
The answer to her question was yes. That did mean what she thought it meant. She was going to have to jump out of a helicopter. The next hour passed in a blur as, off camera, they were given a safety demonstration on 'how not to die', and gave tiny interviews.
"I don't know what I hate more the fact I have to jump out a god damn helicopter or the puns" Cheryl said, her new ugly overalls tied around her waist and arms crossed over her chest.
Toni smirked next to her and turned to speak, "not a fan of puns?" She asked, "you don't find them even slightly punny?"
Cheryl glared but her mouth twitched up in a smile "you're jumping first.”
———-
Having a human being strapped to Cheryl’s back was a new experience and yet not the one she was most focused on because in next to no time she and Toni were being loaded onboard and soon enough they were in the air, the loud whirring of the blades pounding in their ears.
Toni somehow seemed cool and collected in the face of possible imminent death. Cheryl on the other hand was nervous as anything. Usually when she was experiencing this it was before a big fashion show or interview with important clients where she'd put on a brave face hold her head up high.
Now though, as the doors slid open to reveal the ground so far below she couldn't help but let out a "fuck me".
Toni giggled, "Bit busy at the minute babe, maybe tomorrow".
Cheryl could barely comprehend what Toni Topaz had just said because in the blink of an eye She had disappeared, with a loud "woo!", and then suddenly Cheryl was getting pushed closer to the edge.
"Fuck" she repeated over and over again as she threw her legs over the edge. "Fucking hell!" She screamed.
She managed to take in two deep breaths before the guy behind her said "and we're off" and suddenly her stomach dropped out her arse.
——
Toni landed perfectly, adrenaline coursing through her veins. She got untangled from the pretty good looking instructor who'd been strapped behind her and ran her fingers through her pink tinged hair while she waited for the very good looking Cheryl Blossom she'd entered the show with.
Up in the sky she saw a bright red spot that got closer and closer. Cheryl landed on the bright red star a few meters away.
Toni ran straight over to her to help her up. "How much fun was that?" Toni asked.
Cheryl looked up at her and scowled but accepted the outstretched hand anyways and Toni hauled her up. "You must be off your head if you thought that was fun".
"You can't handle a bit of skydiving?"
"You must have contracted ink poisoning from those tattoos to find that fun".
Toni slung an arm over her shoulder and said "ah come on you big softie, let's go to the jungle.”
———
Once they were both back on solid ground and Aaron had stopped feeling like he might throw up they were given a map and told to follow it.
Seeing Aaron and Robert continue to bicker like an old married couple over whether or not the map was upside down or if they were going the right way was a highlight of the episode but after nearly an hour of their moping and snarky comebacks they entered a clearing where they were met with the smiling faces of Ant and Dec.
"Yay, there they are!" they both cheered "welcome guys!"
"Hi" both boys smiled, going in to hug them both.
"I don't suppose you guys are just the welcome wagon right?" Aaron asked, scanning his eyes around the place. He didn't like what he saw.
"I'm afraid not" Dec laughed.
"You've got one last task before meeting your campmates, and this time your playing for food".
"Oh I love food" Robert said.
Both presenters laughed "shall we just jump straight into today's bush tucker trial?"
"If we have to" Aaron sighed.
"Ok, this trial is called, Shadow Labyrinth. Underground there are a series of tunnels with stars, one of you will be inside those tunnels, in the pitch black wearing a blindfold, and the other will be up here navigating the other", Ant explained.
"Sounds easy right?" Dex asked, "wrong, of course this is a bush tucker trial so there will be some friends in there with you".
"Oh lovely" Aaron sighed.
"Right let's get you both into place".
***
"God it reeks worse than the pigs at my high school down here" Cheryl said from where she was on her hands and knees, blindfolded in the dark.
Both Ant and Dec pulled a face of confusion at her statement.
Toni had thought she'd gotten the easy job but as Cheryl was being lowered underground Toni had been lead to a large cage where a monitor and microphone were set up just outside and it didn't give the tattoo artist much hope.
"Ok so remember guys, Toni is going to be directing Cheryl on where to go and where about the stars are, if either of you don't want to continue on with the trial all you have to say is 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' and we'll get you straight out of there" Dec explained.
"Of course" Ant continued "that means you'll leave with no stars and no meals for camp".
"No chance" Cheryl said, "I didn't just jump out a helicopter to not have somet to eat so you better be good at this Topaz".
Toni scoffed "all you have to do is follow orders Bombshell, I'm sure even you can do that".
Again the presenters shared a look, both trying not to laugh, "right here we go then, you get fifteen minutes, and your time starts … now".
Toni wasted no time in bossing Cheryl around, her voice clear and stern. She directed Cheryl to the first hole in the wall except she misjudged the distance and instead of Cheryl’s hand easily slipping into the hole it bashed against the wall.
"What the hell" Cheryl moaned, "Hey Topaz, do you know how much this manicure cost? Be a bit more careful would you".
Toni didn't reply but he pulled a hilarious face instead.
Cheryl stuck her hand successfully into the whole this time only to be attacked by crabs making Cheryl swear. With Toni egging her on she managed to find the first star and put it in her bag.
"That's one star down, you have ten left to go".
With the first star got they thought it was going well and easy until Cheryl heard a loud scream in her ear and then suddenly something or maybe even many somethings fell on top of her.
"Toni what the hell was that?" he asked.
"There are now over 10 thousand cockroaches in there with you Cheryl" Dec told her.
"Brilliant" Cheryl muttered, "Toni tell me where I'm going!"
"I just got covered in fish guts Cheryl have a little patience" Toni got out through gritted teeth.
They quickly got back on track though and they were on a roll. Toni giving directions and yelling out when cockroaches, spiders and biting ants got dumped on her head. Cheryl following those directions which lead her through tight spaces filled with rats and snakes and into a pit of rancid meat juices, collecting stars as she went. Both trading insults back and forth.
As Cheryl found the last star, tied to the ceiling and began undoing the complicated knot while large scorpions and ants bustled around him Dec announced "you have 60 seconds left Cheryl".
"Last star Bombshell hurry up!"
"Not helping sketch pad" Cheryl all but growled as she got the first loop undone. The second loop however was tied tight and she couldn't for the life of her get it to loosen. "Holy shit what is on my face!"
"Yeah just be very careful there Cheryl you have a scorpion getting comfy on your head".
"Oh hello ragamuffin" Cheryl said as she dug both fingers into the knot and finally got it to slack slightly.
"Thirty seconds".
With one last giant groan Cheryl finally pulled the rope and the star fell free.
"Ten seconds Cheryl get it and put it in your bag".
She scrambled around trying to find where it landed and just as Ant and Dec's countdown reached four he stuffed it in her bag with a cheer.
"And time is up! Very well done, let's get you both out of there".
——-
Toni may be covered in goo, fish guts and numerous insects that were trying to climb inside her pants but she had had so much fun. And the feeling that came with Ant and Dec counting out all eleven stars they'd won was the cherry on top.
"Well done, that's eleven meals won for camp, how was that?"
"Disgusting" Toni said immediately with a giant grin. She was trying her hardest not to breathe too much in fear she passed out from the rancid smell.
"Bit weird not being able to see anything to be honest" Cheryl replied.
"Cheryl you didn't seem scared of anything that was down there".
"Nah, I'm alright with creepy crawlies and that to be honest, my brother and I used to spend loads of time in the forest when we were younger so…"
"Neither did you either though Toni" Dec pointed out.
"Yeah I grew up in a trailer park. I'm pretty used to being around bugs, and I’d go as far to say the cockroach in my old room was my best friend.”
"Not a fan of the fish guts though?"
"Aha no definitely not"
Ant laughed "Well, well done guys, get yourselves down to camp and go meet your campmates".