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“People are so wasteful,” Scott mused shaking his head, perched on the tallest branch of the bush. The thing had no leaves anymore, but at least this one side was not covered in snow. Yes, the suit was insulated and the cold didn’t affect him as much, but Hank sending him to Chicago in the middle of winter after Janet suggested he should learn how to handle himself under different weather conditions? It had to be personal. Everything was personal lately. Not that it would make him stop dating Hope. Only Hope could make him stop dating Hope and even then, he—he would spend the next two or three months moping, why lie?
But back to the trash.
On the one hand, it had its uses. Something as simple as a well-positioned candy wrapper could be a life saver in the right circumstances. On the other, Cassie’s latest school project was about how to reduce the amount of waste produced by household, and she had ranted all her research to her dad for hours, which in turn had made him angry which led him to rant for hours to his friends. Which made them angry too and then they started to be more conscious about their habits around the office at least. Cassie had been so proud when she found out and Scott wore her smile in his heart like a badge of honor. This was what pushed him to judge the still steaming cardboard pizza box abandoned on the park bench right in front of him.
Still steaming. In this weather. And there was no one around.
How?
He had to do something about it and he’d better do it quickly.
Scott jumped from the branch to the back of the bench and then he slid down to the seat. Once there, he looked for a way to get inside the box. Could he have made himself big and then grab the entire thing? Of course. But then he would’ve missed the chance of bragging about how much pizza he ate this one day. That was not going to happen.
Aha! he thought when he found a nice space between the corners of the cardboard to enter.
“That thing could be laced with poison, you know,” someone familiar called from the top of the bench.
Someone familiar but so unexpected Scott had to double-check before letting out a delighted, “Hope! Did you come to join the fun?”
“And to stop you from killing yourself,” she replied. “You should be more careful with what you take to your mouth.”
Scott stopped himself before replying something that would imply events from last night. It would’ve been untoward and she was wearing those blasters. Hope was right: safety first.
“Besides,” she continued, “it’s not normal that it’s still hot.”
Scott gasped. “Maybe we’re on time to stop a serial killer! We should take it to the lab and have it analyzed and dust for fingerprints!”
“You are not taking our pizza anywhere!” said a new, unfamiliar, and high-pitched voice next to them.
Scott and Hope turned to discover a winged, humanoid figure several times bigger than them, although not even as big as a child. He wore some kind of makeshift uniform, a soda bottle cap in lieu of a helmet that covered lavender hair, and he carried a pin on his hip as if it were a sword. With his arms folded and a deep frown on his face, he looked beyond pissed.
“The heck!” Scott exclaimed unable to stop himself from taking one or three steps backward.
“Who—what are you?” Hope said. She was fluttering now above the pizza box and pointed her blasters at the newcomer.
“I should be the one asking that, you pizza-stealers!”
Scott raised his hands. “We’re not trying to steal any pizza. We were just wondering why it was still hot, right, Hope?”
“And why it was abandoned just like that,” she replied.
“It’s not abandoned! It belongs to the Za-Lord’s Guard and the Za-Lord enchanted it to remain hot for hours. Now you know and you owe me for the information. You can leave. I’ll find you when I need you.”
“I don’t think so,” Hope said.
The creature scoffed. “I guess that if you want to hang around while the time comes that’s all right too. Just don’t interfere with the Za-Lord’s business.” Then, he crouched to take a better look at Scott. “You’re some of the weirdest pixies I’ve ever seen. You have no wings.”
“Yeah. Thanks for rubbing it in,” Scott mumbled.
“You’re a pixie?” Hope asked. She landed again on the back of the bench again.
“What else would I be?” the creature replied.
“Who is this Za-Lord?” Scott asked.
The—the pixie drew in a sharp breath and expanded his chest as if readying himself to announce someone important. But before he could say a word, Scott’s suit began to throw sparks from every joint.
“Now what?” he exclaimed, looking at his hands and at the rest of the suit and of himself. He was now increasing and decreasing erratically. The suit was malfunctioning and Hank was going to kill him for real and this time it wouldn’t even be his fault. It never was, but the suit had never done anything like this.
“Scott?” Hope called. She had extended her arms toward him, but seemed unsure whether it would be a good idea to approach. The smartest move.
Safety first, right?
“Stay there!” Scott exclaimed over the sound of him now more noticeably and dramatically changing sizes. “If I’m about to explode—” I’d better do it alone “—tell Cassie to do her homework, okay?”
“Scott, no!” Hope exclaimed right back. She took a step forward, but her own suit began to throw sparks too, so she flew backwards.
Yes, that’s it.
Scott closed his eyes and braced himself to whatever came next, regretting only having being unable to form a steady crime-fighting partnership with Captain America.
The only thing that happened, though, was that a puff of smoke surrounded Scott as the suit broke down and he came back to his normal size. Unharmed. Maybe.
“Hell’s bells!” yet another unfamiliar voice exclaimed behind him. It belonged to a tall man wearing a duster and carrying five more boxes of pizza. “What’s going on here?”
“I couldn’t have voiced it better myself, my lord,” the pixie creature said as he stared, like everyone else, at Scott.
“I broke my father-in-law’s tech and he’s definitely going kill me after a long session of torture if I’m lucky,” Scott said. Mostly to himself, but well, he had answered.
“Tech?” the man said. He left the pizza boxes next to the very first one. He looked as embarrassed as Scott was panicked. “If that’s advanced tech, then this one’s on me.”
“What does that mean?” Hope said. She had turned off her own suit and remained at a distance.
The man sighed. “Help yourself some pizza and we’ll talk.” Then, he looked at the pixie before he could protest. “There’s more in the car. Bring it here and call everyone.”
The pixie beamed and saluted. “Yes, sir!” he said before flying away to the parking lot.
Well, at least someone’s night ended in a high note.