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Samar moved quietly, numbly, to the entryway of the office that had become hers in the wake of Liz going on the run, the wake of Ressler moving into Cooper’s office as the acting director of the task force. As she did so, she was almost hyper aware of him moving into the office to give her some space, a gesture which she deeply appreciated. She didn’t say anything to Ressler as she started to leave, and he didn’t say anything to her, either. There were so many thoughts swirling in her head-not all of them kind. In fact, most of them were insidious and toxic.
“I spoke to the ER.” Ressler’s voice came from next to her, but like he was facing the opposite way, and Samar felt her entire body tense. She barely moved, and didn’t even dare to breathe.
Levi was dead. He had to be. The thought nearly paralyzed her-she couldn’t be the only survivor of such a horrific event, she knew without a shadow of a doubt she couldn’t handle if that was the case.
Ressler continued to speak. “Sounds like Levi’s gonna make it.” The sharp spike of relief she felt hurt, but in a good way. Samar exhaled a little more loudly than she had intended for it to be. “He seems like a good guy.”
At this, she exhaled a soft chuckle, nodding. “He is.” Samar murmured. And that couldn’t be more true. Bar none, Levi was one of the best men she’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. To know that he was alive was an immense relief to her, more of one than she could ever articulate to Ressler. So she wouldn’t even try. “I’m going to go see him.” Oh, sure, she knew there was paperwork to be done on the case, but right now, she couldn’t care less. And somehow, she knew without voicing this that Ressler wouldn’t hold it against her.
“I think that’s a good idea.” Ressler agreed quietly, and Samar looked over at him to find him already looking at her. There was an understanding in his eyes that she hadn’t seen since Liz went on the run. “Do you need a ride?”
Samar shook her head. “No, I should be okay.” After a moment of hesitation, she slid her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Thank you.” She murmured, though exactly what she was thanking him for, she wasn’t entirely sure.
But he didn’t ask. She felt his arms come up to wrap around her, lightly, the heat from his arms and his body a welcome comfort to her through the thin material of her white tank top. “You’re welcome, Navabi.” She felt the whispered words more than she heard them in her current state, his breath lightly blowing a few strands of her hair.
Samar headed out of the office, down to the lockers where her coat and her bag were stowed. She didn’t pay attention to anyone else in the office as she left, her mind only on getting to Levi.
---
Thankfully, she hadn’t missed visiting hours; though, even if she had, that wouldn’t have stopped her from insisting that she see him. “Room 3C. He’s asleep, though.” The receptionist, whose name tag read ‘Kyla’ said.
“That’s okay. I just need to see him.” She responded as she walked down the hall looking for Room 3C. As she did so, she registered what she’d said, and how she’d sounded.
Desperate.
Samar shook her head. She’d worry about that later. Right now, the only thing she wanted-needed-was to see Levi.
She stopped in the doorway of 3C. Sure enough, like Kyla had said, Levi was sound asleep, wearing a hospital gown and covered by the hospital blankets; though she knew if she were to peek under the chest of his hospital gown, she’d see a bandage covering a bullet wound.
As quietly as a mouse, Samar moved over to sit in the chair next to his bedside. Hearing that he was alive from Ressler and seeing him there in front of her, breathing and looking peaceful, were two completely different sensations. The monitor beside the bed was beeping steadily, and she relished the sound of it. That meant he was okay. That he was going to recover and be perfectly fine. But now that she was in front of him, seeing him alive when she had been certain that she never would again, only hours before, she let herself be given over to her thoughts.
Her mind flicked back to that encounter in the covert source record room, scenes flashing through her brain as quickly as snapshots from a camera.
Levi, on the ground, bleeding profusely from a precise gunshot wound delivered by either Hasaan-she couldn’t think of him as who he used to be-or one of his lackeys.
Samar herself, taking off the thin green military jacket she’d been wearing, to desperately try and staunch the flow of blood from the wound.
Hasaan saying he’d be dead with in the hour and her crippling fear in response.
The way they’d stared at each other in abject terror even as Hasaan and his lackeys conversed around them, like they were the only two people in the world.
Samar quickly shook her head to clear those thoughts. There was no need to dwell on them now. He was in front of her, alive, and sleeping soundly.
At least, until she heard a sound. Looking up, she saw a nurse coming in, probably to check his vitals. “Levi, wake up.” The nurse said quietly, gently shaking his good shoulder. “I need to check your vitals again."
He blinked awake, and looked at the nurse. “Okay.” He said, his tone groggy. Samar was reminded of quiet nights and early mornings when he sounded just like that: In his apartment in Tel-Aviv, in Paris, Germany, Mexico. Speaking so softly to her that she knew if she hadn’t been lying in his arms she’d never have heard him at all.
She stayed silent through the process of the nurse methodically checking his vital signs, just watching him like a sentry. Part of her was still terrified that if she took her gaze off him for too long she’d lose him, permanently this time. Sure, she’d never say this, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel it.
Everything seemed to be okay, though, because within a few minutes, the nurse was leaving, putting her right in Levi’s line of sight.
He turned his gaze to her. “Sammy.” He murmured, and her heart fluttered at the nickname. He was the only one who’d ever been allowed to call her that, and to this day that was still the case.
It was his nickname for her, as far as she was concerned; the thought of anyone else using it was completely unfathomable.
“Hi, Levi.” Samar responded just as quietly, shifting the chair closer so she could take his hand, lacing her fingers through his while being careful not to jostle the IV. She knew better than most how much taking those out hurt, and she didn’t want to do that to him. “I thought you were dead.” These words slipped out before she could stop them.
Levi’s response didn’t surprise her in the slightest. “I thought you were too, Sammy.” That was something she could also relate to.
She didn’t tell him, or anyone for that matter, that if it wasn’t for Reddington, Dembe and Baz’s intervention, she very well might have been killed. After enduring who knew how many hours of torture, no doubt.
Nor did she tell him that she believed, wholeheartedly, that she should’ve died with the rest of them.
There was a squeeze on her hand, drawing her out of her thoughts and back to the present moment. “Sammy, tell me what you’re thinking.” Levi urged her gently. “Whatever you’re thinking about right now, you don’t have to deal with it on your own.”
Samar’s throat clogged with tears, and she had to swallow a few times before she felt like she could speak again. “Right now, I don’t want you to focus on anything except getting better.”
His hand moved from hers, up towards her cheek, and she bent down slightly so he could reach it without tearing his stitches or hurting himself. His hand was warm on her cheek, and she leaned into it without hesitation. “You’re thinking about them, aren’t you?” Levi asked. Samar wasn’t surprised that he seemed to know exactly what she was thinking about-it had been that way virtually from the first moment they’d met.
“I can’t stop.” Samar admitted. “Especially not now that I know who was responsible for it all.” A shudder of revulsion and horror ran through her.
He stroked her cheek, almost rhythmically, and the soothing motion relaxed her a little bit. “I understand that.” Levi responded quietly. There was a pause, and then he continued speaking. “The blast from the explosion knocked me unconscious.” Levi said softly. “When I woke up, I was in a different room entirely...I woke up right in time to see Hasaan shoot Singer in the head.”
Samar couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped her. Sure, she’d seen his body as she was dragged out of the building, and it had been gut wrenching, but to know that Levi had actually witnessed his death, that Shahin of all people had been the one to kill him…Her eyes filled with tears and, in attempting to blink them away, she only succeeded in making them slide down her cheeks. ”I’m so sorry, Levi.” She whispered.
Levi’s thumb wiped away the tear that slid down the cheek he was currently cupping. “Sammy, you saved me.” He murmured. “We stopped them from being able to go after any more of our teammates. That’s a good thing.”
“If I hadn’t let my joy at seeing Shahin again cloud my judgment…” She mumbled.
“Anyone in your position would’ve reacted the same way, Sammy.” Levi told her, gently turning her face so she was looking him in the eyes. “They fooled us all, not just you. Don’t take all of that guilt onto yourself.” He looked contemplatively at her, and she wondered what he was thinking. No sooner had the thought crossed her mind did he speak. “How much trouble do you think we’d get in if you laid down with me?”
Samar laughed, more out of shock than anything else. “Levi, you’re healing from a gunshot wound. I’m not going to lay in the hospital bed with you.” She told him, but she was aware that she was smiling. And that it was genuine.
Levi laughed, too. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He smiled adoringly at her, and her heart fluttered in her chest again. “But it got you to laugh. Which I would call a success, Sammy.”
Samar shook her head, but the gesture was more playful than anything else and the smile was still on her face. “Well, I’m glad to see that getting shot in the chest didn’t diminish your sense of humor at all.”
Levi shook her head, a cheeky smile on his face. “Never, Sammy.” Then he went serious for a moment. “I know the losses we suffered hurt, and they probably always will. But they wouldn’t want us to stop living, or stop enjoying, our lives just because they’re gone.”
Samar knew he was right, and she told him as much. “You’re right.” She said.
She knew if he were someone else, he might’ve smirked and quipped ‘I’m always right’. But Levi wasn’t like that. And she adored him for it. “Are you going to be sticking around for a little while?” He asked instead.
She didn’t even need to think twice about her response. “I’ll stay until visiting hours are over.” Samar responded. “And then I’ll be by again tomorrow after work, if you like.”
Levi’s smile widened. “I can’t think of anything I’d like more.” He said, squeezing her hand briefly. She returned his smile and got comfortable in the chair by his bedside.
Coming to see him had been the right choice, there was no doubt in her mind of that.