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Taehyung looks in the mirror and takes a deep breath. The bathroom with the pretty golden lighting and the floor to ceiling windows that overlook the city feels too big for him and he feels cold. Goosebumps have appeared on his skin and his heart seems to be stuck in his throat, despite how hard he tries to swallow it down.
He wants to go find Yoongi, burrow himself into his chest and stay there for the rest of the night, maybe hear Yoongi run lyrics past him, but he also knows he can’t. He has to do it. He has to break up with Yoongi tonight or else he’ll never find the guts to go through with it.
Well, it’s not really a break up. How exactly do you break up with someone you are technically not dating but just sleeping with? It has been two months since they started this and Taehyung promised—swore he wouldn’t fall for Yoongi. After all, Yoongi does sleep with other people.
That knowledge is what hurts Taehyung the most. He hasn’t slept with anyone since Yoongi came into his life. Yet, he promised. He promised he wouldn’t fall in love. That was the agreement. They fuck and no one falls for the other.
No strings attached is exactly what Taehyung needed after a messy breakup, but now he’s not so sure. No, in fact, he is sure. He’s sure he’s fallen for Yoongi. He’s sure he doesn’t want this to end. He’s also sure that it hurts too much. It hurts to know that whenever he’s not around Yoongi, there could be someone else with him.
And that knowledge hurts more than leaving, Taehyung thinks.
It has begun to sting more and more as each day passes and he looks at Yoongi in the morning whilst Yoongi is wearing oversized sweaters, giving him that pretty eye smile of his and handing him a cup of tea because he knows Taehyung hates coffee.
It just hurts.
So Taehyung knows what he has to do. He has to stop seeing Yoongi and somehow that has to be okay.
Jeonghan had broken up with him on a Friday morning. Well, actually, they hadn’t broken up per se. Taehyung had walked into his apartment, coffee and donuts in hand and found his boyfriend naked in bed with another guy. A guy he had sworn he was just friends with.
A true cliché.
The dick Jeonghan hadn’t even apologised. Instead he had screamed at Taehyung, blaming him for being too needy, too loud and that he “just needed a fucking break”.
Taehyung doesn’t think he even said anything to him. He simply stormed out and he hadn’t seen Jeonghan since.
Taehyung had met Yoongi the following night. Jimin, his best friend was dating Namjoon, a lawyer with very expensive tastes given the gifts he showered Jimin with. He had invited Jimin along to a friend’s birthday in a pent house somewhere in Hannam and Jimin had dragged both Taehyung and their other friend Jungkook to the party, claiming Taehyung needed to get out and get himself a rich man to cure his troubles.
Taehyung hadn’t been expecting much when he turned up to the party, dressed well in ripped black jeans and a shirt with a few buttons popped open with ‘just-got-fucked-hair’ as Jungkook put it so well. It was the first time meeting Jimin’s boyfriend Namjoon who Taehyung quickly took a liking to after he expressed his undying love for all things Ryan. The party was actually good, expensive alcohol flowing and sophisticated people who thankfully liked to dance. It was a departure from the usual university debauchery that took place in someone’s too tiny apartment.
The birthday boy it turned out, was Jin and the slightly pretentious penthouse belonged to him and his boyfriend Hoseok who were actually pretty funny as Taehyung learnt as the evening progressed.
Yoongi was the other friend, and Taehyung didn’t pay Yoongi mind when he first met him. He looked timid and small with shocking platinum blond hair and a deep voice that Taehyung thought was perfect for radio. Just to say, Yoongi looked slightly too intimidating in all black and rings that probably cost his entire tuition.
It wasn’t until Jeonghan texted him.
I’m so, so sorry Tae-ah. I didn’t mean it. Please can we talk. I can’t lose you, baby. I love you.
Taehyung knew he deserved better but he still ran out to the balcony, eyes full of tears, the sight of his boyfriend in bed with someone else. Jeonghan didn’t deserve him but it still hurt so fucking much. He had never been nice to him, now that Taehyung thought about it, but Taehyung had still tried his best. Tried to be the best boyfriend he could possibly be, not even telling him about the cool experiments they had done in his biochem class.
“Why are you crying?” Yoongi’s voice came up. The elder man stood next to Taehyung by the railing but didn’t look at him.
Taehyung sniffled rather embarrassingly. He knew he needed to get his emotions in check but remembering another guy in Jeonghan’s arms was enough to send him to the brink of tears again. “Boyfriend cheated. Boyfriend wants me back.” He shrugged then clarified after realising his mistake, “Ex-boyfriend, I guess.”
Yoongi had turned to him, a small smile playing on his lips. “Fuck him,” he said, like he knew just how much of a dick Jeonghan was. “Do you want to forget about him?”
And the way Yoongi had arched a perfectly dark eyebrow, eyes full of nothing but mischief had piqued Taehyung’s interest and that’s how he had fallen into the hole that was Min Yoongi. It had been too easy for Yoongi really. Taehyung had heard him sigh out his name, his long fingers carding through his hair and he knew instantly that he was fucked.
That’s how he had fallen in love.
Taehyung looks back into the mirror and sighs, but it sounds more like a moan. Yoongi is in his office, working on some music arrangement even though it’s nearly midnight on a Friday. It was dumb to fall in love. The morning after they had slept together Taehyung had sworn it was a one time thing but as the week progressed, he had found himself in Yoongi’s home, screaming his name and only wanting more.
Yoongi had made it clear that he didn’t really want a relationship though. He was sleeping with other people and at first, Taehyung hadn’t minded. It was just sex. Great sex at that. He could handle the no strings attached thing. In fact, it was a good thing according to his friends.
Something easy to forget Jeonghan.
But as the weeks had gone on, Taehyung found himself spending weekends cuddled up with Yoongi, the elder softening up more and more until Taehyung was convinced he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. How could he not fall when Yoongi convinced him to come over after his classes and made him dinner whilst humming to classic F(x)?
“You’re such an idiot, Kim Taehyung,” he murmurs to himself.
He just needs to get this over and done with. He needs to tell Yoongi that he can’t do this anymore. Maybe he’ll say final year is kicking his ass and he wants to focus on studying.
No, that won’t work. He should just be honest with Yoongi. He owes him that much. Sighing, he gets himself together and walks out of the bathroom.
He pads through the apartment slowly, that he’s all too familiar with now, making his way to Yoongi’s office down the hall from the kitchen. It’s a nice apartment, not as big as Hoseok and Jin’s but still pretty and located in Hannam.
He knocks on the wooden door softly, before he hears a quiet ‘come in’ from the other end. Taking a deep breath, he enters to find Yoongi sitting on his grey couch with his laptop, legs cross in grey sweats and an oversized t-shirt, hair fluffy after a shower.
Taehyung almost coos at how soft he looks but stops himself. This isn’t the time to be cute.
Yoongi turns to him and smiles warmly before reaching out his hand to pull Taehyung down to the couch with him. it’s a small couch so they have to snuggle a little and Taehyung rests his head on Yoongi’s knee, trying to fight the tears that threaten to fall. He’s so hopelessly in love and Yoongi has no idea.
Yoongi doesn’t even want that.
Yoongi is sleeping with other people. He said it himself at the beginning of whatever this arrangement is.
“Hi,” Yoongi murmurs, hand finding its way into Taehyung hair and stroking gently. “Did you shower?”
Taehyung nods, unable to speak due to the lump lodged in his throat. He doesn’t want it to end. Doesn’t want to stop waking up to Yoongi’s tiny body curled into his own, cheeks dusted pink, breathing softly whilst deep in slumber.
“I’m almost done with this then we can go to bed, okay?”
Once again, Taehyung nods. They might not even end up going to bed together. In fact, Taehyung might be out the door heading back to his own apartment with Jungkook. He has already packed whatever clothes he has here.
God, this feels so awful.
He feels Yoongi shuffle before closing his laptop and putting it aside. “Are you okay, Tae?”
Taehyung wants to say yes, he’s fine. Of course he’s fine. They should go to bed and Taehyung can try again tomorrow. What’s one last night anyway?
He feels Yoongi’s cool hands touch his cheeks and lift his face to look at him. Yoongi has deep onyx eyes, and dark eyebrows that are a stark contrast to his almost white hair. He’s so pretty, Taehyung thinks for the millionth time.
“What’s wrong?” he narrows his eyes, recognising the conflict on Taehyung’s face.
The lump is getting thicker and Taehyung is finding it very difficult to keep everything in check. Yoongi keeps looking at him, stroking his thumb on Taehyung’s cheeks and despite himself, Taehyung leans into it. Likes it when Yoongi’s all soft and tender with him.
The sex is great. Mind blowing. Maybe even a little nasty, but Yoongi like this is Taehyung’s favourite. Yet, the thought of him being like this with other people makes Taehyung sick to his stomach.
A rogue tear escapes his eye and he wants to brush it away but Yoongi is holding him in place with his hands. This is agony. He should just come out and say it.
“Tae,” he murmurs carefully. “What’s wrong, baby? Why are you crying? Tell hyung.”
Yoongi leans down and kisses Taehyung’s forehead, then his cheeks where the tear fell. He’s so gentle and it hurts.
Taehyung wants to be honest but he really doesn’t. Honesty means the end of this. The end of being made to feel like a little prince showered with Yoongi’s attention and affection. And you’d have to be him to realise that having Yoongi’s attention is something addictive.
“I—” Taehyung can’t find the words. He breathes but it’s shaky and Yoongi’s eyes grow even more concerned. “I think we sh-should end this.”
He wants to look away but Yoongi is still holding him in place and his eyes have gone dark. For all Yoongi’s softness, Taehyung knows he has his moments. Knows he can be terrifying when he wants to be and this is one of those moments. Taehyung hesitates, “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he continues.
“What do you mean?” Yoongi asks carefully, voice level.
He wants to find the words. Wants to articulate himself well so that he doesn’t regret anything later when he’s lying in bed crying his eyes out, but he’s never really been able to get his point across that well. It was one of Jeonghan’s complaints.
“You’re seeing other people and I-I’m not.” He breathes.
Yoongi glares at him.
That wasn’t the right thing to start with. “I just mean, I like you, hyung. I know we agreed at the beginning of this that it wasn’t going to be anything serious but somewhere along the line, I fell for you. It keeps getting worse and knowing you’re sleeping with other people is—” he sighs. He can’t finish, not with the way Yoongi is looking at him, confusion colouring his face.
Yoongi lets go and Taehyung sits up, trying to distance himself from Yoongi, anything to distract himself from the inevitable. Yoongi is looking at him like he’s grown two heads and Taehyung almost cries again. He really needs to get a grip. It’s only been two months.
“Wait,” Yoongi says after a moment. “I’m sleeping with other people?”
He phrases it as a question so Taehyung nods, even though it hurts. It hurts so much to admit it.
After another quiet moment, Yoongi lets out a laugh. Then another. Followed by another, until he’s laughing outright, shoulders moving as he does. If this was any other situation, Taehyung might have hit his arm.
“Oh, Tae,” Yoongi is still laughing quietly. “I’m not. I haven’t since…” he trails thinking about it. “Since the beginning.”
“But you said this wasn’t going to be anything and I shouldn’t fall for you…”
Taehyung remembers the first night they slept together, as Yoongi stripped off his shirt and muttered the words.
Yoongi laughs again and Taehyung is starting to feel a little pissed off. Why is Yoongi laughing when he is on the brink of tears?
“Aw, baby, that was like the first night we met. I was sleeping with other people but when this became a regular thing; I stopped.” He pauses. “Wait, did you think I was sleeping with other people this whole time?”
Taehyung nods quickly, too confused to say anything of substance.
“Tae, you basically live here. How the fuck do you think I sleep with other people?”
Taehyung is stumped. Now that he thinks about it, he does spend an inordinate amount of time at Yoongi’s apartment. It would be difficult for Yoongi but not impossible.
“I just—” he rubs his eyes in frustration. “Anyway, I fell for you, okay? And that’s not what you want so…” it comes out a lot more aggressive than he intended because now he feels stupid and Yoongi is looking at him with the warmest smile on his face.
“Taehyung,” Yoongi says patiently. “I let you drag me to art shows. I let you put on horror movies. We have very mushy disgusting vanilla sex sometimes. How the fuck have you convinced yourself that I haven’t fallen for you too?”
“You’ve never said anything!” Taehyung’s voice rises a notch.
“Did you miss the ‘you’re so pretty, Tae,’ ‘how did I get so lucky?’ and so on and so forth?”
Taehyung is frustrated. Yoongi never told him. “That’s just stuff people say,” he retorts.
“What? You wanted me to explicitly tell you ‘I like you, Kim Taehyung. I think you’re the kindest and most beautiful person I know’?”
“Yes! That would have been helpful.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes and falls back on the couch. “You’re so hopeless.”
“I’m hopeless?” Taehyung repeats. He’s not sure why he feels angry. Maybe it’s just relief manifesting itself in a weird way. Yoongi likes him. Yoongi isn’t sleeping with other people.
Yoongi likes him.
This is good but why does he feel angry? Why didn’t Yoongi say anything? He has been ripping himself apart all this time and Yoongi didn’t even say anything.
“So you aren’t sleeping with other people?” Taehyung clarifies, voice softer as he looks at Yoongi.
The elder shakes his head. “No. Are you?”
“No.”
“Great,” Yoongi murmurs. “Now that that’s been settled, can we please go to bed?”
“Hyung…” Taehyung starts. He can’t believe Yoongi. He can’t believe himself.
“What?”
“I just told you I’ve fallen for you...like I think I’m in love with you.”
Yoongi’s mouth parts, as if only realising the gravity of the situation now. He shuts his mouth before smiling a little. “I think I’m in love with you too, Tae.”
Every bit of pent up tension inside him dissolves to nothing. He feels himself grinning at Yoongi who has his signature bored expression on his face. “I can’t believe I’ve been tearing myself up about this for weeks.”
“You’re such a drama queen. You should have just said something,” Yoongi mutters.
Taehyung rolls his eyes. “You should have said something. You’re the one who said you don’t want anything. It was your job to be like ‘Hey, Taehyung maybe we should change the terms and agreements of this.’”
“I thought you figured it out!” Yoongi says eyes wide and cheeks flushed with slight embarrassment.
Taehyung wants to cry. He’s so cute and small. “Well, hyung, I didn’t.”
Yoongi huffs and Taehyung smiles, completely and utterly fond. “Fine,” he says. “Taehyung will you be my official boyfriend even though we were already doing boyfriend shit the minute you got me to watch The Conjuring?”
“Oh get over yourself, it wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. It’s not even scary.”
Yoongi flips him off and slips off couch to stand before Taehyung, but he’s not that much taller. “Do you accept or not?”
Taehyung grins again, unable to believe that he has been feeling like pure shit when he had absolutely no reason to be. “I accept.”
And as he says it, Yoongi nods and holds out his hand for Taehyung. Gladly, he takes it, standing and towering over Yoongi.
“Please can we not tell Jin-hyung or Hoseok until our first year anniversary. I want to see their faces when we tell them it’s been a year.”
Taehyung feels warm all over. “Cute that you’re already planning our first anniversary.”
And Yoongi slaps his arm but Taehyung doesn’t mind. They head upstairs and that night nothing happens. Instead, Taehyung holds Yoongi close as they fall asleep, heart finally settled. And yeah, he feels pretty lucky.