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With the coffin boat nearly finished and Xie Lian’s stomach growling more intensely than before, Hua Cheng suggested that they stopped to get some food. It wasn’t like he really needed to rest but he knew that if he wasn’t the one to speak up, His Highness would continue working without pause.
Pulling his arms over his head, Xie Lian gave his body a satisfying stretch before agreeing to take a break.
While Xie Lian made his way down the side of the beach and towards the water, Hua Cheng watched his retreating silhouette for a moment. A quiet flash of the earlier events crossed his mind and Hua Cheng dragged his gaze away from His Highness’ back. A hand raised up to cover the lower half of his face, his index finger lightly tracing over his lips, remembering the sensation of Xie Lian repeatedly kissing him. His eyes fell shut for a moment, wanting to push the memory to the back of his mind but also, to keep it present and vivid. That hand over his mouth moved up to pinch the bridge of his nose before he let out a sigh. He couldn’t describe the feeling he had in his chest.
Looking back up to see that Xie Lian was splashing around in the water, no doubt trying to catch some fish, Hua Cheng figured that he should probably make himself useful.
Collecting firewood wasn’t a difficult task, but what made it unpleasant was the way his clothes clung to his body uncomfortably. Not only was he drenched in seawater from before but sweat as well. Just thinking about it made him grimace. He wanted to strip out of the clothes, wash them and dry them so that he wouldn’t have to dirty Xie Lian’s surroundings by his own presence. But he knew that removing his clothes would be just as, if not more, inappropriate.
With a stack of firewood under one arm, Hua Cheng made his way back to the beach when he was alerted to some rustling to the side. Swiftly snapping a twig from a nearby branch, he flicked his wrist and threw the thin stick in the direction of the noise. A quiet squeal of pain was heard before everything fell quiet again.
Stepping over, Hua Cheng picked up the hare he had impaled. He hit a vital spot in its neck and the animal didn’t even twitch when it was hauled up by the ears.
After returning to the beach, Hua Cheng scanned the area in search for Xie Lian. It didn’t take very long for him to see a person skittering in and out of the tree lines. A small smile pulled at the corners of Hua Cheng’s lips as he piled the wood together and started a small fire.
While the flame slowly grew, Hua Cheng busied himself with cleaning the hare. He cleaned it thoroughly, both inside and out because he wouldn’t dare allow Xie Lian to eat anything with a single speck of dirt on it if he could help it.
Deeming the animal ready to be roasted, Hua Cheng threaded a stick through its corpse and made himself comfortable by the fire. It had grown into a steady blaze and he held the hare securely over the heat.
He wasn’t sure how long he had sat there, absently cooking the animal with his head resting lightly against his free hand, when Xie Lian returned with a handful of fruits.
An expression of surprise was on his face and Hua Cheng didn’t miss the way his eyes were fixed onto the roasted hare, skin crisp and golden with juice occasionally dripping into the fire and sizzling away.
With a smile, Hua Cheng handed the roasted hare to Xie Lian who offered the wild nuts and fruits he gathered from within the forest.
“These are all edible.” He said as he lowered himself onto the sand and sat down.
Hua Cheng received the nuts and fruits with a nod before watching Xie Lian take a small bite of the hare. There was a flash in his eyes and Hua Cheng could only guess that the taste was satisfactory. The corners of his lips couldn’t help but curl a little upward when he was suddenly handed half the animal. The action surprised him for a second but he accepted the offer, knowing that he wouldn’t eat it and would hold onto it until His Highness had finished the first half.
A sigh left Xie Lian’s lips. “San Lang has amazing skills.”
The comment caused warmth to bloom in his chest. Quickly, to hide the genuinely smile pulling at his lips, Hua Cheng masked it with a laugh. “Really? Then, I thank you, ge ge, for the compliment.”
“It’s true,” XL said. “Whether it be carpentry or cooking, I’ve never met anyone better than you. That noble, gracious, special someone really lucked out.”
At the mention of that person, Hua Cheng halted. He didn’t say anything. His mind flashed to their very first meeting 800 years ago, and then to their more recent meeting in the mountain. His hands lightly clenched together as he replied softly, “That I could meet that person, it's me who lucked out.”
He truly believed that. He wouldn’t be there had it not been for that person. The hope he received from him, the courage and comfort, how could Hua Cheng ever repay him. He owed him so much. He owed him everything. He wanted to reach out and express his deepest gratitude… but he was scared. He didn’t know how to face him after so long. He didn’t know what to say or what to do if the past would ever be brought into conversation. He didn’t trust himself to be able to voice everything he held in his heart because truly, there were too many things he wanted to say.
Quietly, he looked up to that person and his thoughts were shut closed instantly as he noticed Xie Lian’s hungry chomping, causing a layer of grease around his mouth.
“Ge ge,” he tried but it seemed like Xie Lian was too preoccupied with eating.
He tried again, fishing a handkerchief from his pocket. “Ge ge.”
“Huh?” Xie Lian replied in a daze.
There was a minor pause before Xie Lian took the handkerchief with a small nod and wiped himself clean.
“Ge ge must be starving, don’t rush yourself.” Hua Cheng said, not wanting His Highness to choke or anything, before carefully passing him the other half of the roasted hare.
Xie Lian took the hare and looked as if he were contemplating something before he asked, “San Lang, just what kind of person is that special someone? How come you haven’t won them over yet?”
The fact that Xie Lian was showing so much interest made Hua Cheng happy. He did also feel a bit awkward talking about His Highness when he was right there but he figured it would be nice to say it out loud, even if it would be indirect.
Hua Cheng replied, “It’s alright if ge ge finds it funny. Truth is, I’m afraid.”
Of course, he was. Hua Cheng wouldn’t normally hesitate over anything. He wouldn’t fear anything. But if it were related to Xie Lian or about Xie Lian in any way, Hua Cheng would become extra careful. He would never forgive himself if he caused His Highness any inconvenience, troubled him in any way, or been the cause of his sadness or frustration. He figured that Xie Lian had no interest in such relationships so that would only deem Hua Cheng’s feelings as irrelevant and an unnecessary burden.
In a serious tone, Xie Lian asked. “What’s there to be afraid of? You’re a Supreme Demon King, the Crimson Rain Sought Flower.”
Hearing that, Hua Cheng couldn’t help but laugh mockingly. “What shitty demon king? If I were really that great, I wouldn’t have been so powerless when people humiliated me hundreds of years ago.”
Truly, what use was him being so powerful now. Sure, he was able to protect Xie Lian a bit more than he used to but when His Highness truly needed protecting, he could do nothing but watch. He was useless, helpless, pitiful. What use was being powerful now? It was too late.
“Well you can’t say it like that,” Xie Lian spoke up. “Everyone had to go through hardships to grow up….”
He understood that Xie Lian was only trying to help, trying to reassure him but Hua Cheng could only lightly sigh. “That person saw me at my worst.” And not only was it embarrassing, but it was disgraceful.
“Then I’m very envious of that.” Xie Lian replied.
Hua Cheng didn’t expect that response and looked up.
Lowering the hare in front of his mouth, Xie Lian spoke gently. “But, I can sort of understand… your feelings.”
He took a small inhale before continuing. “There was also a period of time in my life that wasn’t easy. During that time, I’d constantly think that if someone could still love me for who I was despite having rolled around in dirt, then that would be great.” Xie Lian smiled sadly. “But I don’t know if there’s anyone out there like that, and I’d rather not show that part of my past to anyone either.”
Hua Cheng wanted to argue. He wanted to tell Xie Lian that there was someone who would love him no matter what. He wanted to tell him that despite everything that happened, Hua Cheng still believed. But his hesitation stopped him from interrupting and His Highness continued.
“But if it's someone San Lang yearns for then I think, even if they saw you at your worst, they wouldn’t cast you aside.” For a moment, Xie Lian lifted his gaze and looked directly at Hua Cheng. “What matters is ‘you’ and not ‘how’ you are.”
There was a momentary pause as they each held their gaze.
Xie Lian was the first to look away, and it was also him who continued to speak. “I admire you very much, San Lang, so I want to understand your everything. I’m envious of the person who has already met that kind of you. It’s an affinity that only comes by chance, something that couldn't be begged for, and whether that bond should continue or not, it’s three part fate, and seven part courage!”
Hua Cheng didn’t know how to respond. Only the sounds of the camp fire crackling filled the space between them. He wanted to tell Xie Lian that they had already seen parts of themselves that they would never want to show anyone else. He wanted to tell him that he would love and follow him unconditionally. He wanted to tell him that this special person they were referring to was him, His Highness the Crown Prince of Xian Le! But again, his fear of expressing everything stopped him from speaking up, and it was Xia Lian who spoke up again.
His Highness cleared his throat softly and rubbed his forehead. “Did I say too much? How embarrassing.”
Shaking his head lightly, Hua Cheng replied. “No, what you said was good. Very right.”
Perhaps it was still too early to express his feelings. Well, keeping it to himself wasn’t hard. He had been waiting for this long, after all. What difference would a little while longer make?