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The couch was uncomfortable and very obviously cheap even though he had picked a pricier office that was further from home.
The lights burned his eyes and the woman sitting across from him was silent. The clock ticked at him, reminding him of the fact that no words had been said in the last ten minutes.
He took a deep breath, ready to speak, but the air just rushed out of him again. Why was he even here? The thought of you crossed his mind and he looked down at the worn out carpet. Right…. Yet, he couldn’t even say one word; didn’t even know where to start.
The cave?
Almost dying multiple times?
New York?
Sokovia?
Or does he start from the present and work his way back?
“Tony,” Her voice was quiet but it brought his eyes to her “while sitting in silence is nice, you should probably start saying something. It doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be life altering, just one thing.”
“Right. I guess I’m just not really sure where to start….”
“Start anywhere and we can go from there, okay?” Her hand was perched above her notebook
He rubbed his hands on his knees. “I’m in love.” He looked up at the woman and she nodded writing something down.
“Can I ask how that is?” She asked her demeanor open and kind.
“I mean, she’s amazing. She makes me more happy than words can say. I’m here for her. I don’t want to give her a broken person to make a futile future with….”
“You think you’re broken?” Tony heard your voice mixed with hers and he nodded seeing your face take shape in the random patterns on the floor.
“I told her that once.” He bit at dead skin on his lips
“Was her response one you’d hoped for?”
He recalled the memory;
“I love you” You had mumbled while laying against his chest, your fingers tracing shapes along his clavicle.
His sleepy response had been “You love me for now.”
You lifted your eyes to his face and shook your head slightly “For forever Tony.”
“I’m broken (Y/N), I’m not someone you can love forever, I can’t be fixed….”
“I’ll take you the way you are, for forever. I don’t need to fix you, I need you to be next to me through thick and thin. Do you think you can do that for me?”
His eyes met yours finally “I’ll try my damnedest to make it happen sweetheart.”
“That’s all anyone can ask you.” You kissed his scruff covered jaw before laying back down.
“So much better. She….she doesn’t take more than she gives. I know I would give her everything in a heartbeat. Even though all she wants is me.” He smiled, thinking of you in his bed when he left this morning. “I’m going to marry her one day.”
“That’s beautiful Tony. It’s important to keep people close to you who remind you of your value to them.”
You did, you always did.
You told him how smart he was, a brilliant mind the world was missing out on under a suit and a playboy attitude.
“I’m” He sighed. “I don’t want her to run when she sees how bad the spotlight is. It isn’t easy being with me. Like I can’t just step back. I can’t step outside in the morning without reading about what I did the day before. I don’t know if I could take her leaving me over it.” he said this even though you had reassured him it didn’t bother you any that the press thought you were just a fling. Both of you knew better anyway, is what you said to him when he brought it up.
“I could die anyday and leave her alone. I don’t have the safest line of work.”
“Are you scared to die?”
He opened his mouth but took pause to think for a second “No.” he shook his yea “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why am I afraid to die?”
“Yes.” her pen rested on the notebook she was using. “Do you think there is a reason?”
“I mean… I’m sure there is. I tend to put myself in the situations though…..”
“Do you think you want to die?”
“I just want to do good.”
She took pause “Do you think dying by doing something heroic will make you undeniably good?”
“No.”
“Do you love yourself Tony?”
“What?”
“Do you love yourself. You have a lover-”
Tony cut her off “She’s more than that.”
She nodded again “You have love for someone else but do you love yourself? Do you value the life you are given? You want to be inherently good but is that all you want?”
This reminded him of something you had said “‘Is this all you want to be? When you’re old and people only remember Ironman and not Tony Stark, will you be okay with that?’ (Y/N) said that to me.”
“She sounds like a smart woman.”
Tony looked at the clock and then back at her “I think my session is over.”
She closed her notebook and stood. “I look forward to making more progress with you Tony.” She held out her hand which he took and shook before leaving the building.
When he got back home you were stretched out on the couch wearing one of his old t-shirts, his old blueprints surrounding you as you read.
Your smile was radiant when you seen him. “How was it?”
“Good, I hope to get somewhere soon.”
“Take your time Tony” He strode over and pressed a kiss to your forehead before you palmed his face bringing his down to your lips.
“I love you.”
His eyes scanned your face, finding nothing but sincerity when you parroted it back to him “I love you” Your smile was all teeth and sunshine, “I’ll love you forever”
He kissed you again before pulling away and pushing your hair back. “Scoot over, what’re we looking at?”