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Dahyun feels it every time. The shift in the atmosphere. There’s something about going from performing in front of hundreds of people to tens of thousands of people and it catches her by surprise each time. And that same feeling is bubbling up again tonight.
Seeing thousands of fans chanting her name, chanting her members’ names, singing along – the sight is so beautiful and it’s another memory for Dahyun to cherish. She doesn’t really want the night to end at all but it’s inevitable. She’ll be back here again to create more memories with the best people in her life.
An arm wraps around her shoulders and Dahyun smiles automatically when she hears the familiar giggle echo in her ears. She holds onto the hand that’s on her shoulders a little tighter, feeling anchored to the present and the girl.
Sana squeezes her hand reassuringly and there’s a smile on Dahyun’s face immediately. She should be used to Sana’s constant affection by now, but even when she leans forward to place a tender kiss to her cheek, Dahyun freezes. Sana’s giggles fade away but Dahyun is still reeling from the familiar touch.
She looks over to her girlfriend, who’s busy chasing Jeongyeon along the stage for a kiss. There’s something different about her tonight. She’s pouring the love out of her heart, but to Dahyun, she looks lonelier than ever. She looks like she’s purposely not leaving anyone out this evening because she’s afraid.
Afraid of being alone.
Even when Sana shoots her an endearing smile from across the stage, Dahyun doesn’t fail to notice the small frown that forms in between her brows. It’s gone as quickly as its formed and Dahyun has no time to talk to Sana about it. They have to stand in the middle of the stage for their final speeches.
The end of a concert is always a bittersweet feeling for Dahyun. Seeing how the enthusiastic crowd cheers for them, hanging on to every word they speak and then having to leave them – nothing measures up to the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and success, combined with the feeling of despair of leaving the loving fans.
When Dahyun speaks, she tries to remember what she discussed with Sana the night before and the lessons on pronunciation. She talks slowly and she smiles because she remembers how Sana jumped on her and hugged her tightly when she enunciated everything perfectly. And as she finishes her speech, she’s proud of herself – for staying strong and saying everything clearly.
She looks over to Sana momentarily to see that she’s staring back at her with utmost admiration. Dahyun thinks it’s one of the most precious things to be on the receiving end of. She mouths an I love you before turning to the crowd again. What a way to be subtle.
The speeches go on and Dahyun is switching between listening to her members and focusing on the crowd, along with waiting for Sana’s speech. She worries about Momo speaking too, after the overflowing tears from the night before. Sana had hugged her for an entire hour after the concert ended yesterday. After observing Sana, Dahyun fears that Sana’s emotions are almost bubbling, close to overflowing.
Sana’s emotions overflow.
She starts her speech off well and smiles to the crowd. Sana pauses. Dahyun knows something is wrong immediately. She looks towards her girlfriend and notices the tears welling up in her eyes. She notices that she’s biting her bottom lip, what she does when she doesn’t want to let her tears flow.
But, Sana isn’t able to stop herself and Dahyun just wants to pull her into a hug. She talks about being here today, at the Tokyo Dome, achieving dreams. She sheds more tears. Jihyo is by her side in an instant and Momo follows, along with Jeongyeon and Nayeon. Dahyun stands back because she knows those four are the best at this, comforting. They’re a family after all.
Dahyun’s eyes get watery too, only because seeing Sana like this – soft, emotional and fragile – makes her heart hurt. Sana manages to finish her speech and laugh in the middle of it. It’s a coping mechanism, but it works for the others, who take it as a cue to move on.
For the rest of the night and the encore, Sana is back to her bubbly self again. But Dahyun knows she’s not.
When they leave after the concert, they’re exhausted and craving sleep. The high from their performances and their excitement has dulled down, reality slowly catching up to them. There’s the feeling of wanting to be up on that stage and performing for longer, under the spotlights of thousands of fans. Dahyun would’ve been sharing the same thoughts, but her mind has drifted elsewhere.
Sana.
She spots her girlfriend leaning against the wall, waiting for their van to arrive. Dahyun is immediately by Sana’s side, pulling her into a much-needed hug. Sana is about to argue and say she’s okay but Dahyun holds her closer.
“I know. I know you’re not okay, so please, don’t pretend to be okay with me.” Dahyun mumbles softly.
Dahyun feels Sana stiffen in her embrace as she speaks, but she grips Dahyun’s black coat tightly and caves in. She cries quietly in Dahyun’s arms, sinking in the embrace that’s her home – where she knows she’ll belong. Dahyun comforts her in the way she knows best. She kisses her tears away, hoping to take the pain with it. She mutters plenty of heartfelt confessions and praises and whispers of love and affection.
She doesn’t know if there’s a radar for knowing when another member is upset, but the other members are by their side one at a time, joining in on the precious hug and murmuring their own voices of indebtedness and gratitude to the sunshine of their group. Dahyun kisses the top of Sana’s head, prompting the other girls to shower her with love as well. Sana is a giggling mess as each member pulls away, leaving her with Dahyun, alone.
“Thank you, baby.” Sana speaks with utmost appreciation.
Dahyun smiles at her softly, leaning her forehead against Sana’s, noses touching. “You will never be alone as long as you have us, as long as you have me. We won’t let you.”
She pauses for a moment to gauge Sana’s reaction, not wanting to make her cry again after just crying twice.
“Just like you say that you’re stronger because of us, we’re stronger because of you. Without you, I don’t know where we would be.”
“But–”
“You brought us the ‘shy, shy, shy’ fame, remember? Most of our success is due to you.” Dahyun adds, making Sana smile.
She takes the change as progress.
“Okay, but honestly, we love you. I love you. Even if you don’t talk about how grateful you are for us, we know. We’re a family. We know what each other’s footsteps sound like. We know what each of us likes and doesn’t like. We know each other.”
“How did you know? I saw you looking at me and your face was screaming concern.” Sana mumbles, closing her eyes when Dahyun moves to kiss her cheeks.
“It’s a tell of yours. I’d like to say that I’ve been able to pick it up after dating you for more than a year already.” Dahyun teases, smiling when Sana finally laughs.
“You’re really not going to tell me, huh?” Sana looks up to her girlfriend, who’s staring at her with pure love.
“… You have this little frown that forms in between here.” Dahyun kisses the middle of Sana’s eyebrows, laughing when Sana blushes in her arms. “And you’re a whole lot clingier than normal – that’s saying something too. When you came to me and kissed me, you squeezed my hand a little too tight.”
“That obvious?” Sana shakes her head.
“No, I just tend to look at you more than I’d like to admit.” Dahyun confesses.
Sana chuckles and gazes at Dahyun.
Dahyun, who always knows when she’s sad before she’s aware.
Dahyun, who likes to be babied but never admits it.
Dahyun, who looks at her even when the spotlight is on anyone else.
Dahyun, who wears her heart on her sleeve.
Dahyun, who never stops showering Sana with love.
Dahyun, who loves.
Sana cradles Dahyun’s face between her hands and presses her lips against Dahyun’s softly, with care, with gentleness, with love.
She will forever cherish the woman in her arms. She’ll hug her until her arms are tired. She’ll kiss her until her lungs burn.
She’ll love her over and over again, until…?
Forever.