Chapter Text
She calls on a Tuesday evening. Michael was just going through his daily routine. It was mid-August, and the thick haze of the Kansas summer was finally lifting – that meant no more mosquito bites or sweat on the back of his neck – and he was more than ready to start grad school in three weeks. The usual customers were returning to the coffee shop he worked in, getting back into their school-year routines. It was a quarter to ten, and Michael was wiping down the last three tables at the Java Bean. His shift would be over soon. Another year away from home, he sighed with a certain amount of melancholy. He left the summer before his eighteenth birthday, heading to Kansas of all places to get his English degree. He hates it here, but it was about as far away as he could get from Father. He missed all of his siblings, but Michael knew that sometimes doing things for himself were necessary. He had been taking care of all four of them since as long as he could remember, and it was about time he was a little selfish.
Michael’s phone chirps with its generic ringtone. He’s had it for almost five years, and never bothered changing any of the default settings. He’s more than surprised when he flips it open to see the out of state area code. A picture of his baby sister’s face pops up on the screen. It was her sixth grade school picture; the most recent one he has of her. He wonders what she looks like now.
“Aniel?” He asks incredulously. It’s probably a drunken phone call or a butt-dial. He knows she wouldn’t actually have a reason to talk to him, even if she wanted to.
“Hello, Michael.” She responds curtly. Her voice has gotten a bit deeper, and Michael notices how she says his name with a bit of resentment. He doesn’t blame her.
“How are you? Is everything alright?” he asks, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear. He groans, getting sponge water on his button-down. He pours out the soapy bin in the sink and sits down on one of the fake leather chairs. He hears murmurs of someone arguing in the background.
“Well… not really. It’s Dad.”
“What happened?”
She takes a deep breath. “I don’t know. Father got in a fight with Luce over something trivial again. He just left! It was weird enough that he didn’t take the BMW, but Luce’s old clunker. That was four days ago. The police showed up half an hour ago. They found his car by the side of the road, no keys or bag or anything – he left his phone, wallet, and passport... They took Luce in for questioning and came out with nothing. I don’t know what to do.” she stammers out in a rush.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. You can all stay with Aunt Rachel, right?” Michael tries to comfort her. “I’ll take a week off from work and come down to visit.”
“We’re not in Boston anymore.” She tells him. “We left a pretty much right after you ditched us.”
“Well where are you now?”
There’s a large crash in the background and she curses loudly. That’s new. “We were in Portland, and we moved to San Francisco last July.”
“Aniel, it’s gonna be alright.”
“Anna. Please, it’s Anna.” She sounds annoyed. “Michael, please, don’t try and comfort me. I know you mean well, but… no.”
“Let me help you.” he insists.
“Oh, like you helped us after Mom? Or you helped us when Luce ended up in prison for a whole year? Or when Cas ended up in rehab? Last time I checked, you’re not much help at all.”
Michael almost drops the phone. He didn’t know about any of that. “Why are you calling me then?”
“There’s nobody else to call. All the money in any of our accounts is gone, except for the college stuff that we can’t touch. We’re broke, alone, and pretty much about to be homeless since none of us have jobs.”
“Can’t Luce get one?”
“Did you miss the part where he has a criminal record?”
“Alright then. Um, pack your stuff, whatever you need, take the cars and drive out to Lawrence. All of you can stay with me.” Michael instructs her. He’s always had to take charge in these situations. He used to be the one holding everyone together, but he supposes that the responsibility has fallen on Anna.
“Thanks, I guess.”
Michael hangs up after he’s sure she’s already gone. He takes one of the day-old sandwiches from the display case and a pastry before locking up behind him.
Well shit, he thinks. Here we go again.
For one of the most affluent families in America, the Novaks really do not have a lot of stuff. All of their boxes could fit fairly easily into the moderate sized apartment Michael found. He isn’t a huge fan of it, and the neighborhood makes him a little uncomfortable after dark, but the rent is cheap and he was able to move in quickly. His four younger siblings arrived on Friday, and a day later, they’re almost done moving in.
“How’d you get a three bedroom apartment anyways?” Gabriel asks his oldest brother, as he pulls in the last of his boxes into his new room. “No offense bro, but you work at a coffee shop.”
Michael smiles sadly, wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead with his wrist. “I did a lot of tutoring on the side. Also, most of that is what I had saved up for grad school,” he adds after a minute, “it’s okay though. I mean family comes first.”
Gabriel raises an eyebrow at the comment, but says nothing. Instead he sighs, closing his eyes for a minute. The dark circles beginning to form under his brown eyes don’t go unnoticed by Michael. Gabe was closest to their father, Chuck. “The twins are gonna have a blast. Well, Cas is. He gets bored so easily. Anna just wants to finish up school in one place.”
“Sometimes I forget that Castiel and Anna are twins. It seems that they’re still polar opposites.” Michael remarks. After a moment of awkward silence, he admits, “You know, I meant to visit a lot. It’s just – honestly? After Dad decided that he wouldn’t pay for me and the thing with Mom-”
“Mike, get over it. Anna’s the only one who’s still a little bitter about you leaving. Well, and whatever’s up with Luci. He’s... I don’t even know, honestly. I mean, the past is the past, right? Besides, we’re here now. It must be fate!” he teases.
Gabriel was the one who usually ended up diffusing any arguments, and he had found that the easiest way to do so was with humor. Michael’s glad that the middle child hasn’t changed much.
Their new apartment is fairly cramped. It’s a third floor walk-up, and Michael could easily cover at least two year’s worth of rent with what he has saved up. That’s enough to get Anna and Castiel to finish high school here. The two of them have to share a room but they really don’t mind. Luce will be sharing with Gabe once he gets here. He had to fill out a few guardianship forms since he’s technically an adult at nineteen. Custody is going to Michael temporarily.
The furniture is all mismatched: the sofa is from Michael’s junior year dorm room, they’re all sleeping on mattresses as opposed to beds, and the dining table chairs were all bought at various yard sales. They’ll be drinking out of plastic cups but they’ll live. It’s going to be a big adjustment for all of them (except Michael) since they’re used to a huge house with a housekeeper and cook.
Anna sits down on her bed, feeling accomplished. She unpacked her last box, and everything in her room is organized to her liking. Now that she has a bit of time, she opens up a book. But when she looks over at Castiel, she can’t help but feel a bit frustrated by the mess. For fraternal twins, they couldn’t be more different. Anna’s half of her room is meticulously organized from her color-coded clothing storage to alphabetized bookshelves and photos in fancy frames next to her trophies from debate championships and soccer tournaments.
Castiel, on the other hand, is for lack of a better word – a mess. Everything on his side is cluttered: clothes thrown over the desk chair, a haphazard stack of vinyl records that looks like it’ll fall over any second and wrinkled sheets that smell like stale cigarettes and sex. It infuriates Anna. At least Luce would throw all his crap in drawers, Anna thinks. She wrinkles her nose before looking back at her book. Most of his crap is still in the large brown box under the window.
“Anna.” Castiel snaps, pulling her out of her thoughts, “Are you doing homework?” He asks her, raising an eyebrow. “It’s the last weekend before school, and you’re spending it in a test prep book.” He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. The dark brown flop never seems to stay in place.
“Junior year is the most important in terms of applying to colleges. And unlike you, I care about getting into a good school.” She folds the corner of the page she was reading, and closes it with a slam. “Besides, it’s not like we have friends here we can hang out with.”
“Well, screw that! Let’s go out! I’ll grab Gabe and we can all find some place to grab a beer or watch some shitty rom-com that you think will be cute. Anything you want, Anna. But I am so not letting you be a nerd tonight.” Castiel stands up excitedly. He has her best interests at heart. “Besides, we can start over here. Nobody knows who we are.”
“Everyone knows who we are. Oh, the kids of Charles Novak!”
“It’s Kansas. I doubt it.”
“Fine, Cas.” Anna gives up, throwing her hands in the air. “Give me twenty minutes.” Not that she’d ever admit it, but she does like going out. The only difference is that Anna thinks her future is the most important thing, and she doesn’t want to ruin that by a drunken mistake.
Castiel walks out, giving her privacy to change and do her makeup. He goes to find Gabe and tell him that he accomplished the impossible: getting Anna out of the house.
“Little brother, you’re the best!” Gabriel high fives him, “Now, a serious question. Do you think they have cute chicks in Kansas?”
“Where do you think you’re going?” Michael asks as the three of them are practically out of the door. He sounds awfully parental.
“Out.” Anna responds coolly.
“I got that. But where?”
“Not quite sure, Mike. We’re gonna see the town or whatever they have here.” Gabe cuts in.
“So you’re going out drinking?” Michael sighs. There’s a long pause. “I was your age once too.”
“So what if we are? I mean is that an issue?” Cas asks, arms folded over his sweater. He taps his foot impatiently.
“I don’t know. I mean, would Father let you? I heard that you were in…” He’s smart enough to cut himself off. Cas’ death glare at Anna says that he shouldn’t have brought it up. Michael sighs. It’s obvious he’s trying to get on their good sides. “You don’t know where Luce is by any chance? We have to… talk.”
“He’s out somewhere.” Gabe shrugs.
Michael’s face falls. “Alright. Um, I have tomorrow off if you want to all do something as a family. It’s been so long, I thought it would be nice.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Gabe suggests. It’s an empty promise, and both of them know it.
Castiel, Gabriel and Anna end up going to The Roadhouse, a small bar that Michael said was popular for teenagers because they don’t card. It’s a dingy-looking place that reminds Cas of the bars he used to frequent on the bad parts of whatever city he lived in at the time. The music is too loud and the beer is kind of flat, but none of them really care. The whole place smells like stale cigarettes and sweat. Three drinks in, Anna’s out on the dance floor, and Gabriel’s in the bathroom hooking up with someone. Castiel feels too hot. He’s surrounded by clumps of people and the air is thick and humid. Usually he loves this type of crowd, but right now he feels suffocated and just needs some air. As soon as he gets outside, he’s relived.
“Fancy a fag and a chat?” someone asks him. Castiel turns around, and it’s a shorter guy in a suit with a thick accent. Castiel thinks it’s British, but he’s not sure at all.
“Please,” Castiel half smiles at the stranger.
“The name’s Crowley Talbot,” the young man offers his hand out, and Castiel shakes it. It’s a bit odd for someone who looks so young, but he doesn’t question it. He could probably pass for a teenager.
“I’m Castiel,” he introduces himself, taking the cigarette eagerly. He hasn’t been able to smoke since he’s gotten here since he knows Michael would flip. He bummed off strangers at the rest stops on the drive from San Francisco to Lawrence, but all he could get in was a few hits. Cas inhales deeply, and he feels better almost instantly. He leans against the brick wall, sighing happily.
“So, are you new around these parts? I haven’t seen your face before.” Crowley asks. Castiel nods. The Brit looks at him up and down, “Well the accent says East Coast, maybe New York? I can’t tell. And the clothing – that’s definitely Seattle. Or you’re just trying too hard. I moved here two years ago. God, the school here is terribly boring.”
“Yeah? I’m gonna be a junior.” Castiel smiles. He feels a little too eager. “I’ve been all over the place. We’ve moved around a lot.”
“Hm, well, I bet you’re so cool. Let me guess, you wear only black with the occasional flannel. And that sweater is probably from a thrift shop,” Crowley half sneers. You’re having a conversation about fashion outside a bar. Real straight, Castiel, he thinks. He has to remind himself that a lot of people won’t take to kindly to his sexuality here. This is his first time not in a big city.
“You’re wearing a suit to a bar,” Castiel points out, exhaling a plume of smoke into the night sky. He can almost see stars.
“That’s because I look great.”
Castiel shrugs. It’s not a lie.
“Just between you and me love, I look a lot better without it,” Crowley smirks. He looks at his watch, “Don’t mind me if I’m reading you wrong, but do you wanna get out of here?”
Castiel grins, and sends a quick text to Gabe. He’s starting to like it here already.
Luce wakes up at two-thirty in the afternoon to the sound of a vacuum cleaner. He groans and rolls out of bed, landing on the floor with a loud thump in an unfamiliar room. He’s still in jeans from last night and… no underwear. He changes into sweatpants and walks into the living room, yawning.
“Morning, sunshine,” Michael smiles sweetly at his younger brother, voice dripping with sarcasm. The nature of their relationship is complicated to say the least. After their mother died, things were never the same between the two of them. It was six years ago, and she was teaching Luce how to drive when he hit a tree. He walked away unscratched. Luce was their parents’ favorite up until that day.
“When did you become a housewife?” Luce asks, rubbing his eyes.
“When Daddy stopped paying for a maid. So, you’re nineteen. I’m paying rent. When are you getting a job?”
“I’m bartending at some place a few blocks away. I start tonight.”
“Of course you are,” Michael mutters. He turns off the vacuum, and sits down on the couch. It sinks under his weight.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m alive. I mean, if you want to know about my personal life, it’s way too early in the morning.”
“So, what exactly the hell happened with Dad? The kids won’t talk about it.”
“Mikey, that’s a loaded question. There was a fight, he left and never came back.” The blond sighs, sitting down next to him.
“I’m not passing judgment on you. I never have.” Michael says softly. There’s a flicker of recognition between them. “I was just hoping you knew. I was figuring we could try for a clean slate with us.”
“Clean slate?”
“Well, our situation is complicated and I thought maybe if we-”
“Complicated?” the younger boy raises his eyebrows. “Pssh. That’s an understatement.”
“If you’re referring to that,” Michael looks down, slightly losing his grip on his composure, “then I think it’s best if we put that behind us.”
“It’s a nice idea, it really is,” Luce stands up, “but we both know that’ll never happen. “Don’t worry, big brother, I’ll stay out of your way. But if you wanna come see me,” he pauses, and his eyes flicker down to Michael’s feet, and then slowly back up to meet his older brother’s blue eyes, “you know where I’ll be.”
Monday rolls around and the three youngest Novaks find themselves going to their first day of school.
“So, Kripke High, huh?” Castiel groans, leaning back in the passenger seat of Gabriel’s car, “If this looks like Glee, I’m dropping out.”
The red Audi Roadster that Gabriel drives was a gift from their father for his sixteenth birthday. It’s his favorite possession, and he’s almost meticulous when it comes to cleaning it. He meets Cas’ eyes and shoots him a look, silently telling his younger brother to put his feet off the dashboard. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, and then looks back over at Castiel again.
“Cheer up, little bro! That guy you walked out with last weekend goes here,” Gabriel teases and Castiel slightly pales, sitting up straightly. His sexuality is something that he hasn’t exactly brought up with his whole family. He’s only officially told Anna that he’s bisexual. “Oh, don’t worry Cassie. I don’t care that you play for both teams. As long as you don’t have a stick up your ass I don’t care who’s up there.”
“Okay! We are ending this conversation.” Anna cuts in from the back seat, “Please, talk about this when I’m not here.”
“Don’t be such a prude, Anna.” Gabriel taunts her, as he pulls into the school parking lot. Everyone’s eyes are on the flashy car. It’s clear that most people take the school bus, or drive a truck or their parent’s SUV if they’re lucky. “Well, would you look at that? Home sweet home, at least for as long as we’re here. Have fun at Glee High, kiddies!”
“It’s McKinley.” Anna corrects him, “Be good, boys.” They all get out of the car and split up shortly after. Their social circles barely ever cross, so it’s unlikely they’ll spend any time with each other. Anna loves her brothers, but she knows that Gabe’s reputation as a prankster and Castiel’s tendency to slack off won’t give her the best first impression with her new teachers. Also, her twin’s precious bad boy rep doesn’t go well with her do-gooder personality.
Maybe Castiel wasn’t completely right. Despite being in the middle of nowhere, Kripke High isn’t that bad. It’s a fairly small school, and all of the kids know each other, so he’s The New Kid. Again. Anna sits in front of him in homeroom, and Gabriel’s in his yoga class (“I bet it’s great that you’re so bendy, Cassie.”). Crowley has woodshop with him, which is taught by a scruff guy by the name of Mr. Singer, and Castiel thinks he owns the town auto shop. It doesn’t go unnoticed that all Crowley ever tries to do is flirt with Mr. Singer (who he calls Robert).
Crowley and Castiel sit outside during lunch, smoking against the back wall of the building. It’s clear that they’re nothing serious, and Cas appreciates the bluntness of his new friend. He’s not quite sure what it is that Crowley does with his spare time, except for the fact that his phone is constantly ringing and he frequently ‘makes deals’. It’s a little unnerving, but he’s seen a lot worse.
Soon, the rest of Crowley’s friends come over and Cas meets them too. There’s three of them: another Brit named Balthazar with blond hair like Luce’s and a tight-fitting v-neck shirt that’s too low cut for his own good. Surprisingly, he’s actually very straight. Next to him is a short dark-haired girl in all leather with red lipstick named Meg, and her similar-looking cousin Ruby Masters, who’s a senior. The rest are all juniors, like him. They have pretty bad attitudes, but seem to get along well with him. Ruby even offers him something strong smelling from a thermos. Yep, he doesn’t mind them at all.
About halfway through the period, a ridiculously tall kid with a baby face and shaggy hair comes over to Ruby, and kisses her chastely. After a minute, he notices Castiel. “Oh, hey there! My name’s Sam Winchester! I’m a freshman! Are you new here?”
“Hello, Sam.” Castiel waves awkwardly. This kid looks like he should have his nose in a book, not his tongue in Ruby’s mouth. “I’m Castiel.”
“Novak?” Sam asks, perking up. “I think I met your sister. Bottle-red hair?” Castiel nods. “She’s nice!”
Another guy in a wrestling letterman comes over. Meg licks her lips. Castiel gets a better look at him. He’s beautiful. Tanned skin dashed with freckles, impossibly green eyes, and dirty blond hair. “Sammy,” he groans in a gruff voice. “You know you should stay away from Ruby.” He says her name with disdain. “And seriously, stop hitting on little kids. It’s weird.”
Sam runs off with a quick “Bye, Castiel. Nice meeting you!”
Wrestling guy looks up. “Castiel. That’s your name?”
“Hello.” Castiel waves, stomping out a cigarette. “That’s me. And you are?”
“That one’s older brother. I’m Dean.” He looks around uncomfortably. “Well, I’ll see you around, hopefully. Bye, Cas. Can I call you Cas?” He shrugs, throwing in a wink before sauntering off.
After a moment, Castiel finally speaks. “Who the hell was that?”
Balthazar smirks. “That, love, was the Dean Winchester. And he has a type. Speaking of types, Ruby, isn’t going after a child a bit irresponsible?”
Ruby rolls her eyes, “Oh, please. It’s mostly to piss off Jock Extraordinaire over there.”
“You said type?” Castiel asks, sounding a bit too eager. He’s not even sure why, but for some reason, he felt attracted to Dean, in a more than physical sense. Like there was something about that boy that made him special. The cliché makes him want to puke up his sandwich.
“Yep. Men. You’re in luck then.” Crowley winks. Castiel blushes, and Meg sits down on a thin patch of grass.
“You’re gay?” Meg asks, frowning. “Well, shit.”
“I’m bisexual.” Castiel clarifies, a hint of annoyance.
“Well thank God.” I’ve wanted to get my hands on you for the past twenty minutes.”
Castiel doesn’t know how to respond. Balthazar’s laugh seems to fill the awkward silence, and a minute later, he’s in a debate with the blond over the best kinds of vodka.
He’s going to be just fine here.
Anna sits down next to Sam Winchester at lunch, the sophomore genius in her AP Calculus class. He’s in 10th grade, but is only fourteen. It’s a little weird, but he’s friendly, and that’s good enough for her. She’s quickly introduced to everyone else at the table: a tough but sweet girl named Jo and her best friends who are two computer geniuses named Charlie and Ash. Charlie seems cool, if a bit nerdy. Ash is a senior, and already is practically guaranteed into MIT despite his stoner appearance. A quiet kid in as many Advanced Placement classes as Anna named Kevin joins them. They seem pretty cool, and eager to know about her.
“Anna Novak, hm?” Kevin asks her. “Like Charles Novak?”
“Who’s that?” Jo asks.
“CEO of one of the Fortune 500’s.”
“Oh.” Jo shrugs. “That’s cool.”
“Yeah, that’s me,” she half-smiles uncomfortably. They sense her awkwardness and thankfully change the conversation topic.
“That’s pretty cool. But I have a more important question: did you guys see last night’s season premiere of Doctor Sexy, MD?” Charlie asks. “I can’t believe that Doctor Piccolo’s twin sister is actually-”
“Don’t you dare ruin that for me!” Ash cuts in, looking deadly serious.
Anna can tell she’s found her niche.
That night, the Novaks sit down for a family dinner for the first time in years. Well, all of them except Luce, who’s at work. Michael makes them say grace, just like their father Chuck would always do. They eat their store-bought bagged salad and pre-cooked chicken in silence, until Michael decides to ask, “So, how was your first day?”
“Alright, I guess. I’m rejoining debate.” Anna shrugs, taking a large sip from her water. “There’s an opening on the school newspaper and the student council treasurer graduated, so I might pick those up too.”
“And you two?” He asks his younger brothers.
“Well, Gabe hasn’t been suspended.” Castiel half-jokes.
“Yet,” Gabriel corrects him, “I did make some friends, Mike. And there’s this little kid, probably a freshman. Genius, really fun to fuck with.”
“Language.” Anna sighs. Michael shoots her a glance of appreciation.
“Aaanyways,” Gabriel pushes his plate away, taking a chocolate bar from his pocket instead. Castiel smiles and stabs all of the untouched olives from the salad onto his plate. Gabe ignores Michael’s glare and continues, “Sammy. He’s a friend, I guess. His older brother isn’t half-bad. And Dean’s car – it’s a beauty.”
“Dean? As in Dean Winchester?” Castiel can’t help but interject, sounding over-eager. Gabriel and Anna share a look, and both start laughing hysterically. “What?”
After a moment, Anna collects herself enough to answer, “We’ve been here for maybe four days, Cas. Keep it in your pants. Besides, I heard that Meg Masters has a thing for you.” Castiel groans. Meg is kind of scary.
“Too late for that. Do you not remember last Saturday?” Gabe teases.
“Oh. So this morning you meant… oh.” Anna looks at her twin unhappily, “really, Cas?”
Michael puts his fork down and inhales sharply. He says nothing for a moment, and then finally pieces it together. “Castiel, are you a homosexual?”
Cas slams his fork down angrily, “I’m not gay!”
“He’s bisexual.” Anna interjects.
“That’s practically the same thing,” Michael insists. Anna looks around warily. She senses a conflict.
“Oh, here we go with this crap. If you’re gonna start with some Jesus speech, I’ll walk out right now.” Castiel groans.
“No. I don’t approve of that, and in all honestly, I think two men together… like that is kind of disgusting,” Michael says slowly. “It’s sin, and it’s… ugh.”
“Thanks.”
“Let me finish please. I can’t imagine Dad would be happy with that, but you’re my little brother, and under my roof, I don’t mind. Well let me rephrase that: I do mind... of course I mind, but we’re not going to deal with this now. Just some ground rules, and this applies to all of you: no sexual anythings, with boys or girls in the house. If you’re doing that – which you shouldn’t be, you know what the Bible says about premarital sex – keep it far away from the house. And also, just please remember that people here aren’t as open-minded as they are in urban areas. So keep that in mind.”
“Is this the part where I thank you for your overwhelming generosity?” Castiel asks, sighing. He needs a drink. “And for the record, I’m bisexual. Not gay. There is a difference, especially to me.” He stands up and swiftly leaves, heading to his room.
Anna volunteers to do the dishes. It’s usually the only way anything gets done around the apartment. She ends up cleaning up after everyone – Michael’s too worn out to straighten up the perpetual clutter and nobody else cares. She’s able to tune out all the noise to a low hum, and takes a scan of the house. There’s loud music blaring from Gabe’s room (she’s pretty sure it’s Ke$ha, but she doesn’t bother asking; Anna’s positive that he only listens to Top 40 to bother everyone else), and Michael is humming quietly while flipping through a worn copy of something by Vonnegut. She doesn’t know how he does it – act so nonchalantly calm even though it’s clear that the world is practically crumbling under their feet. He thinks that if he ignores something, it’ll go away. It’s a talent of hi
Castiel comes out of their room fifteen minutes later looking sheepish. “Hey,” he half-smiles, pouring coffee from the skeevy looking pot (Anna’s pretty sure Luce stole it from a motel), and cradling the mug with his hands. There’s a slight tremor in his left hand, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “If you wanna study or something, room’s all yours.” Anna smiles and thanks him. She dries off the last dish and tiptoes into their room. Anna always feels the need to tread lightly, as if the ground will cave in under her pedicured feet. This problem, like everything else, will get sorted out in time. It has no deadline, unlike her AP Calculus homework.
Cas takes his coffee and climbs out on to the fire escape. He lights a cigarette, inhaling deeply. He feels homesick. Sure, the people he met here are decent, but he actually felt at home in San Francisco. The last four years they spent on the west coast were the most dysfunctional. Their mother had died, and their father had become even more distant. He never was a good parent, and the two of them had always played favorites with Gabriel and Luce. Michael was expected to follow obediently and be a model child. It was clear for as long as he and Anna could remember that the two of them were accidents. Anna worked so hard to prove herself, while he just did the opposite: if they didn’t care at all, then there’s no point in trying. He found himself frequently taking solstice in simple things: Michael’s annotated poetry books, Marlboros, his closest friend Jack Daniels, and the comfort of another body. It turned to other things more recently, but Cas had turned a new leaf, and he was clean of most of the heavy stuff. Sure, most of those were self-destructive tendencies, but it didn’t really matter to him. He couldn’t see himself being anywhere in five years, so should it matter if he’s skimming time off the end of his life that he probably won’t even reach? Cas tenses when he feels someone sit down next to him. He turns around to meet Michael’s similar features. The two of them look the most similar.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Michael asks with something that could possibly be sympathy in his eyes. He sniffs and frowns when he sees the cigarette.
“About what?” Cas responds harshly. He wants to retort with something among the lines of where were you when I actually needed someone to talk to? But, he doesn’t. Anger is a secondary emotion, Cas. You learned that. Anger stems out of hurt. You’re hurt. He tries to tell himself. Being nice was never a strong point of his.
“You obviously know this, but that’s really bad for you,” Michael points to the cigarette, as Castiel takes another pull apathetically. “And I mean everything. I want to know about your day or your feelings or if you have a crush or something. I want to be here for you, and also, I want to know what happened with Dad since you really seem to be hurting.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you’re gonna pretend to give a fuck about us for the next few weeks while you try to find out where Dad is, so you can get rid of us as fast as you can. You were gone for four years, Michael. You visited once, and that was Mom’s memorial! Not even a birthday card or an email. Hell, you couldn’t even write something on my Facebook! Why should we think – no, why should I think you actually give a fuck?” Castiel hisses, squinting his eyes. “Besides, if you want the dirty details, why not talk to Luce?”
“We have a pretty fucked up relationship,” Michael sighs, hurt obvious on his face. Castiel almost wants to apologize. “Luce told me the gist of it, but I just don’t think it adds up.”
“You think he’s lying?” Cas raises an eyebrow. “His whole motto is that he doesn’t need to lie.”
“When has he ever told the whole truth?” Michael asks. Castiel drops his gaze, flicking the cigarette butt down the fire escape. He watches it fall from floor to floor before it hits cement. A car passes by the darkened street. Michael can tell he’s hiding something, but he doesn’t press.
He stands up. “Look, I’m not gonna nag you about it; that would be a waste of both of our time. But if you want to talk, and if you’re ready to, you know where to find me. He’s my dad too.”
Castiel doesn’t exhale until Michael’s shut the window behind him. I’m in such deep shit, he thinks.
Later that night, Castiel wakes from a restless sleep. He walks out into the kitchen to get some water, when a voice stops him. “You can’t keep ignoring me, baby bro.” Luce smirks.
“Michael asked me about what happened. I don’t like lying to him.” Castiel sighs, sitting down. He rubs his eyes. They’re developing circles from lack of sleep and all the recent stress he’s been under.
“Our father walked in on you fucking another guy. Our father, the Jesus freak. I’m the one who has to look after this family; I’m the one who loves you guys. I wasn’t going to let him send you away – or worse.” Luce points out. He puts his feet up on the rickety coffee table. “Someone has to look out for this family, and it’s me. I only did what’s best. You know that, right?”
“You say that you’re doing this because you care, but that’s not it. You’re using our issues as a means to your end. That’s not fair. I would have been okay with boarding school or some gay-away camp. I’m not even gay – for all I know I could end up falling in love with a girl! Luce, you’re just being selfish and that’s all this is. Now we’re stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere in Kansas of all places, and there’s a good chance Dad’s dead! Are you satisfied?”
Luce says nothing for a moment, before coolly responding, “You say that like you hate it: the freedom, the autonomy. Don’t act like you miss him.”
“I do miss him! I just want to go home. But we don’t even have a home to go back to.” Cas whines. He knows he’s complaining, but can’t find the patience to respond appropriately. “I don’t even know what you did. Please, tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”
“Whatever, baby bro.” Luce dismisses him, “In the end, you’re just as screwed as I am. So don’t even think about opening your mouth or… well you know what I can do.”