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Sometimes, in her few moments of weakness, she wonders, the reason for her creation.
It almost seems like a joke, really. A cruel one, but a joke nonetheless. For what other reason can there be to explain her purpose, her role, her very existence?
Destroy the machines? Yes.
Give up her own life? Yes.
Execute her friends and comrades?
“I didn’t mean to,” she remembers one android saying, over and over again. Her model had been 18B. Her hair was short, pure white, cut. But her eyes are wide, a wild look in them that makes her think of the crazed machines. This android in front of her seems more machine than android. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to, don’t do this—I’ll kill you instead then!” and the android lunges.
She stabs her sword right through 18B’s neck without even flinching. This hadn’t been the first time a desperate android had tried to fight for one last moment. This hasn’t been the first time an android had stared up at her so hatefully for stealing away their final time.
She listens to the death gargles. She sees the blood pooling out from the wound. The blood almost reaches her own boots before it stops.
“For the glory of mankind,” she whispers even as the tears fall down her own face and she moves onto the next target.
Another one tries to ambush her once, two at once.
Numbers don’t matter. Nothing matters. In the end, her sword slices through their bodies, and they fall to the ground. Nothing changes. One body, two bodies, three bodies, a whole army—
They all don’t matter to her.
Nothing changes.
Nothing changes at all.
“I don’t want to die,” one of them had said once. She didn’t know their number, but they’d been on the frontlines and became too heavily wounded. She feared, hoped the order wouldn’t come—but it did. And, now, she stands over the android that can’t even muster the strength to keep crawling.
“It’s… so… dark…” she hears whispered into the wind. “It hurts… it hurts so much… but I still… I still don’t… want to die… please… don’t let me… die here… please… please…” and just once, she feels the swords in her hands tremble.
The sword always falls, just as her tears do.
How many times has she done this? How many more times must she do this? How much longer can she stay strong before she, too, throws away her weapons and they send yet another executioner after her?
No, she can’t.
She can’t do that.
Deserters are dangerous. Traitors have no cause to live. Those who threaten their side deserve death. For the sake of her friends, her comrades, mankind, she cannot allow them to live.
She’ll make sure of that, silently working in the shadows, always endlessly, always tirelessly.
It is… what she is… made to do...
But why does it have to be her?
Why does her heart ache every time?
Does she even have a heart anymore?
For what does her heart beat for?
For what does she breathe for?
For what—
“I just don’t want to die!”
—does she live for?
For… what… does she cling so tightly… for… for what? For what? For what—
“I don’t think I’ve seen any other combat models hold your swords the way you do.”
The words almost startle her. She looks off to her side, finds watchful eyes studying her. Is she being analyzed again? She doesn’t mind. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last, she knows.
It’s always been the same.
“Is that so?” Impressively, her voice is steady. How many times has she said this? How many times have they had this conversation? How many more times must they continue this?
“Yes. I think it’s interesting. You’re a strange one, 7B.”
She laughs, and keeps laughing. It’s easier than answering sometimes, she finds. Easier to laugh than to let something slip she shouldn’t. “Thank you, 14S.”
“According to the books I’ve read, wielding weapons in two hands is detrimental. Your focus is divided, your strength divided, and you can achieve better results using one sword with two hands.”
7B puts her swords behind her and turns around. She allows herself to be scrutinized, but, this time, 14S doesn’t frown at her the way she usually does, the way she usually gets. There’s something in her eyes, like a glimmer, like…
A star.
14S blinks, and the light is gone. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else fight the way you do. But…” she pauses meaningfully, her eyes skimming across the ground. All around them are the machines, broken, smashed, piled up in heaps around them. 7B had made sure they were taken care of.
“I must admit, you fight so efficiently even when you hold yourself at a disadvantage with your dual wielding. A good strategy, maximizing your ability to destroy the machines with two swords,” 14S finishes, staring straight into 7B’s eyes. 7B can’t help but flicker her eyes down to her neck, so open right now.
But for you, I only need one sword.
Only one sword, 7B thinks later, staring down at where 14S lies motionless on the ground. The book she’d been reading lays face down on the ground, its pages stained with blood.
“14S has always been too curious for her own good. She’ll hack through our own servers, whether she means it or not. You’re one of our best models suited for this work. Sensitive information can be revealed, our cause and mission compromised by someone who won’t understand. Will you undertake this mission, to protect YoRHA?”
“For the glory of mankind,” 7B whispers to the cold of the air as she carries 14S’ body off for disposal.
There are no more orders. She waits, and waits, and waits. She knows not of how long she waits, only that she waits. Sitting atop a ruined building, with her legs hanging over the edge, she waits.
Far below her are the machines, aimlessly wandering around. These ones in the city are non-hostile. That’s good, she thinks. She thinks she should hate them, as should be her programming, but in the end, they are all the same to her. Her sword swings upon both machine and android, after all.
She watches them. There’s a small handful of them, walking through the streets, through the foliage. One of them stumbles when it unknowingly walks through a bush, caught on the branches and leaves as it waves it arms to try to get through. One of them tries to approach one of the moose, but the animal quickly gets to its fours and runs off, galloping far faster than any of the machine’s clunky legs go. She turns her attention to the moose instead, watching it run off until it dashes behind a building.
”Those big animals are called moose. The male ones grow those huge antlers, the things on top of its head, to battle predators and attract mates. They’re made out of calcium and are surprisingly harder than they appear. Hm… I’m curious now, do you think we might be able to gather those materials and use it to make something? 7B, please help me with—”
She shakes her head. Sometimes, she wishes these memories could leave her, wishes she had the heart to delete some of them. She turns her attention back down, watching the machines again.
What would it be like, if that were her? Left to wander the earth? If it weren’t for the war, the very scene before her is… peaceful, idyllic.
Without any war… even she… even she can…
… but who else will protect her comrades?
“Ah? Hello?”
And 7B still can’t help but freeze up every time she hears that voice, still can’t help but feel something in her chest beat a little faster.
She’s back, she’s back, she’s back, a small part of her repeats over and over again.
How much longer for this life? another part whispers.
7B turns her head, to where 14S is standing a respectable distance away. They watch each other carefully.
14S isn't like the other models, both combat or scanner. Her model had come with purple hair that went past her shoulders to just her middle back. A strange color, but 7B finds that it rather suits someone like 14S, someone who tries her hardest every time, tries to cling to life so desperately even in the midst of their war. 14S, compared to others, lives her life mundanely, but 7B’s eyes always wander over to her every time.
But there’s another thing that 14S does too that’s different from the others, the way she likes to tie her hair at the base of her neck and keeps it slung over her shoulder. Every single life, without fail, she has done this.
“Why I tie my hair like this?” 14S opens her mouth and stops. A frown comes onto her face and she looks troubled. “Hm, to tell you the truth, even I don't know. But I find my hands moving to tie it back and I've never thought twice about it. It feels… natural, like a part of me at this point,” she finally answered when 7B had been too curious to ask once. “Perhaps it might be a defect in my programming?”
No, not a defect, 7B wants to say, it’s beautiful.
But she can’t say that. She’ll never be able to say that. Every day, every single life, it always gets harder and harder to swing her sword. She cannot allow herself one more weakness. She cannot. She will not.
“Hello 7B, my name is 14S. The Commander told me we’d be working together.” 14S smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, more reserved, withdrawn, polite.
They don’t sparkle with the warmth that 7B knows she can make. But, even so, 7B can feel something inside of her fluttering. Her chest hurts. Her hands shake. She wants to reach out, to pull 14S close to her, to tell her sorry over and over again, but 14S will not know why she is apologizing.
But in the end, they will still hold nothing but fear toward her.
None of this matters.
“In ancient times, humans used all sorts of things as weapons, even their own fists,” 14S says after they’ve been traveling for some time. She looks down at her hands, opening and closing them into fists. “We're made of heavy metal, but the hand of a real human would be soft. They're organic matter.” She looks back down at the book she’d been reading. They’d found that at the last town they were at. “That's why they needed to fashion weapons.”
14S flips the page. 7B does not answer her. None of this matters.
“Ah, they made these things.” And here, 7B knows it's her cue to look over to the page 14S is holding up now. She's not too sure what she's looking at, some sort of crude weapon, is the guess she'd hazard.
“A bow and arrow, they're capable of shooting these from long distances. It seems they used these before the creation of gunpowder, before our technology.” 14S shakes her head, a wry smile coming to her. “Primitive, aren’t they?”
“Would they even damage metal?” 7B finds herself asking. Why does she do this? None of this matters.
“Perhaps if one had the strength to pull and draw the bow enough to generate enough force and momentum… it would be possible.” 14S frowns to herself. Ah, there it is, that glint in her eyes. 7B knows that look, knows it very well. She's more than curious. She’s animated, and this, 7B thinks, is when she comes alive.
… but this is a foolish line of thought.
“Why are you interested?” 7B glances over at her. “Scanner types like you can’t use weapons. And,” 7B looks away, “you… you have me.”
14S doesn’t answer, at least, not right away. Between them, the silence seems to stretch, until 14S finally speaks again. “Because you're always protecting me, 7B. I'd… I’d like to do the same for you as well, you know. With a ranged weapon like this, I can try to take out some of the enemies without running into you.”
7B stills for a moment. Her voice is impressively steady when she speaks. “I don’t mind.” She turns around and smiles. “I like protecting 14S.”
“But…” 14S looks sullen, almost… pouting. It’s… cute, if 7B had to say. Even with all her new bodies and lives, she doesn’t get to see this side of 14S often.
“Seeing you safe means I’m still plenty strong, and it makes me feel better more than you realize,” 7B continues. “So… please… don’t feel like that.”
“... I still don’t like it,” 14S mutters. “I don’t like it at all. It feels as if you’re doing all the work.”
“But, you can hack into the enemies too. That’s much more helpful than you realize. Sometimes, I can’t use my swords against an enemy! I really appreciate it!”
“... really?” 14S still doesn’t sound convinced, but 7B could tell her how useful she is over and over again. Just having her by her side does wonders, she wants to say.
… when exactly did 14S become so important to her? She doesn’t know.
… this wasn’t supposed to happen.
But, how can she help it? 14S is always so reserved, but there’s no mistaking the way she wants to learn everything about the world. When 7B sees that, she wants to indulge her, wants to bring her to more places to learn more.
They… are both… such lonely beings.
“You don’t need to protect me,” 7B says again. “Just… having you by my side is more than enough. Please… you don’t need to do anything else.”
14S stares at her, looks at her strangely like she could see right through her, and finally turns away, staring upward at the sky. “If you’re sure.”
Why had 7B done that? Why did she say those things?
None of them matter in the end.
Protecting?
Is what she doing protecting?
What is she doing?
Protecting because no one else except her can kill 14S?
No, no, no—
You don’t need to protect me, 7B thinks again as she stares into 14S’ eyes, filled with terror now. Once, twice, multiple times, they had looked at her so warmly.
Once, twice, multiple times, they, too, had been filled with fear at her.
It isn’t the machines you need to protect yourself from, hums through 7B’s mind.
She steps closer. 14S steps back. But, no matter what, everything is the same. 14S is not a combat model; she could never hope to outrun from 7B. She could never run away from 7B, who knows her as well as the back of her own hand.
What you should be doing is protecting yourself from me, she thinks as she brings her sword down. It slashes down 14S’ back and she collapses. She watches as the blood pools out of her. Her eyes are open still, staring up at the sky, but she thinks they might as well be staring at her. Fear, betrayal, terror are always the very last emotions that reflect back upon her.
Always, without fail, she makes sure it’s painless every time, but 14S had somehow moved at the very last second, as if anticipating her. But, that’s impossible. How could 14S know? Her memories are always wiped with each death. She can’t know. She’ll never know.
But, right now, she can’t bear to see 14S suffering, can’t bear to see her suffer anymore in death even as she struggles with her life, her endless torment of life and death.
7B aims downward for the heart—
—and recoils back, gasping. Her sword drops from her hand. She can’t move it anymore. What—
What is—
WARNING WARNING WARNING
14S is hacking her.
Her hand that she can’t control starts to move. Its movements are erratic before it jerks back and grabs onto her own neck and squeezes. 7B lets out a choked gasp as she struggles against her own strength.
“Don’t… you dare… look down… on me…” 14S says, her voice choking on her own blood.
No! That isn’t it! No! No!
No!
She looks down. 14S is staring at her, staring so hard she might as well be glaring, but she’s only concentrating, 7B knows. They’re both fighting for life, against each other. Who would have thought that this would happen. Against her own wishes, 7B feels the tears streaming down her face.
No, no, no.
This—
This wasn’t supposed to happen at all.
This—
7B screams in strangled breath as she uses her free hand and pulls free her sword the same time she feels her hacked hand squeeze down harder.
She stabs through 14S’ black box. Her own hand finally lets go of her neck, and she collapses to her knees, staring at the emptiness in 14S’ eyes.
Only one sword!
“Only… one sword!” 7B mumbles, tears falling from her face onto the hole where 14S’ heart once had been. She reaches out and closes 14S’ eyes, still sobbing.
It hurts.
It hurts, and she doesn’t understand why it does.
… defective, she thinks. She’s the defective one. 14S is beautiful; her downfall is only her endless curiosity, her endless thirst for knowledge even for the forbidden, her eager desire to seek all of it out.
It’s all a part of 14S, and it makes her so beautiful. That even in the last throes of her life, with death hanging over her, that she still struggled so hard to the end…
What can 7B do but admire that? Her, who cannot find any other purpose in living. Her, who can no longer find any pleasure in living. Her, who can only live through the deaths of those killed upon her swords.
But this is the only life that she knows.
“They have names in here.”
7B looks up from her corner of the room, curious. 14S is over on the other end with a bookshelf. On the ground are all sorts of books, scattered all around her feet. They’d come across an abandoned building that neither of them had seen before, so decrepit and old that 7B had been afraid the whole place would collapse atop of them.
But 14S had only shook her head and marched right in, fearless, different from the rest. 7B thinks of an older 14S, where she would have erred on the side of caution and reconsidered entering.
“Machines could be hiding inside waiting for an ambush, and we’d be caught in their trap,” she would have said, and 7B would have nodded. But, now, 14S had set her lips in a grim line and marched in.
… perhaps, she is changing, 7B thinks. How, she doesn’t know, but, perhaps, little by little, she’s… somehow… changing. All these lives, all these memories, all these times—
14S is moving ahead even in spite of all her memories being erased every time, and 7B remains, here, trapped.
Perhaps, this is her punishment.
7B turns away from the area she’d been searching and goes to where 14S is now reading through the book in her hands. It must be interesting, by the way she doesn’t even look up when 7B approaches.
When 14S reads through a book, she likes to use her finger to carefully go through the words, 7B learns. It is almost as if she doesn’t want to miss a word, wants to devour all the knowledge she can possibly find. “Jun… Junna?” 14S says suddenly as she taps her finger against the book. It must be the spot where the name is. “I wonder if it means anything.”
A prick seems to strike 7B right in the middle of her chest. She doesn’t know what that means, why it seems to hurt. There’s something tugging at the edge of her memory, but not even using all of her mental capacities to search through her database can bring up anything. There’s nothing about the name that brings familiarity…
And, yet, it feels as if, once, she, too, knew this name just as well as her own.
… what is her own name?
“7B?” 14S is looking curiously at her. “Are you okay there? You seem… distant.”
“No, I’m—I’m fine,” 7B chokes out. 14S is looking at her strangely—distractions, she needs a distraction. 14S has started to become receptive to her moods lately, has started to notice her oddity. She doesn’t need this—they don’t need this.
No, she doesn’t deserve any of it.
“It doesn’t say inside?” 7B finds herself asking as she gestures to the book. Her voice is barely above a whisper. “The, ah, name.” No—she shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be reaching out like this, should be drawing back—
But she can’t help it—she can never help the way she can see 14S light up in her endless pursuit of knowledge, can’t help but feel herself smile too in spite of everything. Long used to solitude, they both reach out for each other, even when everything tells her not to, even when she can see the way 14S hesitates at times, even… even when…
“No, the rest of the pages are blank. But…” 14S speaks then as she gestures to the books scattered on the ground, “I’m sure there might be something in there.”
“Will you be looking through them?” She glances down at the books. They all look the same to her, blank covers, aging papers—
No… one of them is different. It’s buried underneath several of the books, but her own eyes, always ready to spot out any miniscule detail, hone in on that singular spot. It’s much more weathered than the rest of the books, which stands out. She finds herself bending down to pick it up. The book is actually inserted into another book, which she tosses aside.
This book is… strange. The cover isn’t hard, and it looks very simplistic compared to the others, as if it’s crudely made by hand rather than mass produced. The cover isn’t blank, but most of it is wasted away. It looks as if someone’s drawn on it, two lines, converging into a single point near the top. There’s… some sort of writing on top, but she can’t decipher it. An old world language? She runs through the databases—
“What’s that?” 14S is next to her, peering curiously at the book. 7B blinks, and holds it out for 14S to take. 14S flips through it. “Hm? This looks like… some sort of script? A play?” She flips back to the beginning. There’s something strange stirring on her face, something unpleasant, 7B can tell—sometimes, it feels as if she knows 14S’ moods better than her own.
“A lot of the words are lost, but someone wrote a small summary inside. Let’s see…” 14S taps her finger against the book, finger pressing against the pages. “Two… girls? Goddesses? I’m not sure… they met each other at a festival and had a fun time, and promised to meet again at the next festival. But one of them loses their memory and forgets her friend—
7B suddenly feels something throbbing in her chest. But that’s strange, she has no wounds anywhere.
“—and so to regain her memories back, they… ah, climb some sort of tower? To grab wishes?” 14S flips through the book, skimming it. “It looks like there’s some sort of important phrases, but I can only make out one.” She clears her throat. “If you grasp the small star, you will receive a small joy.”
A prick. It feels as if something sharp has stabbed her in the chest, but when she looks down, she sees nothing. She doesn’t know what this sensation is. It feels as if all her functions have stopped at the same time, yet she is still here, moving, alive, seeing. Yet, the more 14S speaks, the more… the more she feels… the more...
“How… how does the story end?” 7B finds herself asking. “Do—what happens to the girls?”
14S looks at her oddly before she flips to the end of the book. “It says…” She squints her eyes. For some reason, 14S always has some trouble with her visual nodes even though they should be perfect. A quirk of the model, maybe? 7B is never sure. But it never changes every time.
“I can’t say, but it looks like at the cost of getting their wish, they become separated from each other and one of them gets locked in the tower.”
“Is… is that so?” 7B can barely hear her own voice. “That… that sounds really sad.”
“Humans describe this as a tragedy. It’s meant to be sad.” 14S frowns. “Did humans really want to experience sadness? It’s such… a troublesome emotion. Why would anyone want to willingly experience that?” She shakes her head. “Humans are strange. I hope they can explain this to me when they come back to Earth.”
A deep sorrow fills 7B. Is there something wrong with her? Maybe she might need to go back to the Bunker for maintenance. Is there a reason for her to be sad? She doesn’t know.
A tragedy.
Ah. There it is, 7B thinks, to describe her entire purpose.
Nothing… but…
A tragedy.
The both of them, trapped in this endless cycle…
A tragedy.
“Are you okay?” 14S talks but she sounds faint, like she’s far away. 7B focuses back.
“Yes, I—I’m sorry, I just thought of something. I mean, yes, I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” she answers, looking at 14S with an assuring smile. But 14S doesn’t smile back, and she instead reaches out to place a gentle hand on 7B’s arm, and 7B’s eyes widen. This 14S seems much more perceptive for some reason—why. Why? Why?
7B wants to scream.
No! I don’t deserve any of this! You shouldn’t be doing this for me!
“You… you know, if there’s anything bothering you, you can…” and 14S clears her throat. “You can rely on me too, you know. You don’t always have to carry on by yourself.”
… unfair.
Everything about this is—
Unfair.
How can she say those words? How can she even think to speak those words?
Would she even say those again knowing of all the atrocities 7B has already committed against her?
No, she wouldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
She doesn’t deserve—
Don’t look at me like that.
Stop being so kind toward me.
Don’t—
Don’t trust me so easily!
“I notice, you know,” 14S continues. She tugs on 7B’s arm and 7B can’t help but look over at her, their eyes meeting. Even if 7B’s eyes are hidden behind her visor, she thinks 14S, with her own eyes bared open, can still see right into her. Right now, in this moment, 14S’ eyes are so bright, so alive, so radiant.
They shine bright like stars.
“Sometimes, you seem so far away, distant, like I can’t reach you. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but…” 14S holds a hand over her own chest. “We’re partners, and I care for you, 7B. Please, don’t hesitate to depend on me if you need to.”
“I—” and 7B bites her lip to stop herself. “Yes, of course. I… will try,” she finally answers. “Thank… thank you.”
… a mistake. This is nothing but a mistake. How many times has she done this? How many more times will she do this?
How many more times must she pretend that she can continue her mission?
14S nods and squeezes her hand. 7B wonders if it’ll feel warm; of course not, not with their metal. Androids are not warm.
But, there is something about that gesture that touches her.
14S finally looks away, turning her attention down to the pile of books.
“Looking for some to take?” 7B asks, partly as a tease. She remembered all the times when 14S tried to carry off a pile of books, only to find she had no space for it. 14S had wanted to fashion a bag of some sort for them.
That life had been cut short.
14S pauses before she turns away, looking toward the exit. “No… musing about things long gone is a useless endeavor. I’ve glanced through these books and they don’t say anything useful. There’s no meaning to them.”
Even as she says these words, 7B can see the way she fidgets, the way her fingers twitch as if she wants to grab them. Instead, 14S puts down the script of the play on top of the pile of books and makes for the entrance, as if not to tempt herself. “There’s nothing else here for us. Let’s go.”
That’s good, 7B thinks, please stop while you’re ahead.
I don’t… want to…
But 7B knows, when she turns around, when 14S doesn’t think she’s paying attention, she’ll still sneak some of the books away and try her best to read them without 7B knowing. And 7B will catch her, and tease her about them, and 14S will make up an excuse for them, but 7B doesn’t mind at all. She’ll never mind.
This happens every time.
It never changes, the way 14S acts. Her curiosity always gets the better of her, the way she thirsts and always searches out for the remnants of their human masters…
Then, not for the last time, 7B erase all of that.
Take it all away with a single swing of her sword, erase it all…
It would be so easy, to tell her to stop. Because I don’t want to keep killing you all the time, she’d plead, want to yell, want to scream.
But how can she tell her to stop? How can she tell her to stop, when she can see the way 14S’ eyes light up when she finds new information, the way she brightens so much when she scours through endless piles of books and information and discovers more about the world they fight so bitterly to reclaim for the humans?
She doesn’t care about the humans at all, all 7B really cares about is…
Before 7B realizes, she’s back at the pile of books, alone. It’d been… she doesn’t remember how long it’d been before the orders came, and…
Now, once more, again for yet another time, she waits. But, somehow, her feet have brought her back to this place once more.
She bends down and picks up the same play from before. She opens the book and goes to the very last page.
There are words on the last page, written differently than the rest of the book. Something handwritten. Some of the words are missing, faded away by time, or, as she scans closer, the smidges of oil. Was this written by a human, or an android? She doesn’t know, nor does she care. She tries to read through the note.
Everyone———own star of destiny. Stars that———stars that fall——though I may not yet see my own star————on this day, I—————will take hold of a star on my own.
A tear splashes down on the page.
7B snaps the book closed and lets go of it, lets it fall back down upon the ground. The words are already ingrained into her. When she closes her eyes, behind them, she sees 14S, her smile, and…
“To take… hold… but to me, you already are… too...”
Her words fail her. The air is silent save for the soft humming of her machinery. She sits down and stares upward, at the shape of the moon in the sky, wonders if 14S is waking up and staring at the same moon too.
“7B?”
Once more, 7B snaps back to the present. 14S is staring at her, and, ah, there it is, the concern she can see. 7B chokes back the cry she wants to make.
Don’t look at me like that. I don’t deserve any of it.
“Yes?” she says instead. “Something wrong?”
“No, just…” 14S shakes her head, “you seemed a little lost, there.”
“Oh.” 7B forces a smile onto her face. “Was just thinking about something, nothing to worry about.”
14S slowly nods, but 7B knows she’s not convinced. It’s been harder and harder to persuade her that things are fine. There might be lingering bits of her memory sticking, 7B thinks. But that’s impossible, the memory wipes should be complete.
… they should be, 7B tells herself.
“What are you reading about now?” 7B decides to ask, gesturing with her head to the book in 14S’ hands. They’ve been stationed further out at the edges of the city this time, with only each other as company. It isn’t hard to notice that 14S has been reading the same book over and over again.
“I’m not sure,” 14S says. She wrinkles her nose. “A list of human inventions? There’s lots of jumbled information in here, like someone was trying to collect it.” 14S closes the book and looks at the cover. “It doesn’t seem old, so perhaps I’ve picked up an android’s forgotten memoirs.”
“... ah.” 7B doesn’t want to point out how morbid that sounds.
“They mention something in here, though. Ah… humans had varying degrees of eyesight, and to make up for it, they created glasses.” 14S puts a hand on her chin as she peers through the book. 7B wants to laugh; she knows exactly why 14S is intrigued. 14S has always had some strange visual impairment to her model, something she’s mentioned but the development team hasn’t been able to fix. It doesn’t really matter, though. 14S doesn’t need sight to hack.
“I don’t know why this always happens,” 14S grumbles. “Is it part of my programming? Something with my black box? Why does it always have to be me?”
7B laughs. “It just means 14S is special, doesn’t it?”
“No, it doesn’t. It means I’m defective.”
“Don’t say that!” 7B swallows back the rest of her words.You aren’t, I am. “You’re still one of our best hackers,” she continues. “I think you’re amazing.”
14S’ frown deepens. If there’s one thing 7B wishes she could change about 14S, it’s the way she can be so critical of herself while glossing over her own strengths. Perhaps a personality tweak can change that, but when 7B thinks about 14S’ personality changing, even to be something a little more positive, something throbs inside of her.
It wouldn’t be her otherwise.
“There’s still a lot of work to be done,” 14S only says with a shake of her head. She pages through the book again. 7B knows she must have already read it at least five times and already long memorized its words.
“How about them?” 7B blurts out.
14S’ eyes flick up to hers. “Hm?”
“Glasses.”
“... what about them?” 14S furrows her brow.
“I think they’d look nice on you,” 7B finds herself mumbling.
14S’ eyes widen and she quickly averts her eyes. Now that 7B’s gone and said it, she can’t help but study 14S a little closer. She thinks 14S is beautiful, but in a quiet sort of way. When she sits still as she reads a book, 7B thinks she might look like a painting of old, the ones with the pretty ladies.
“They wouldn’t really do anything,” 14S finally says with a shrug. 7B deflates a little, but 14S suddenly pushes her book aside and stands up. “But… I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try to make one.”
7B immediately leaps to her feet.
She shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be allowing herself to engage in these moments—but the monotony is too much, and even she finds herself yearning for even more than she should. 14S’ time is valuable to her, and… and… she wants to…
Only for just this on time, she tells herself.
It takes them several days of scrounging up enough spare metal. 14S immediately gets to work, tinkering with the scraps. They have all the time in the world right now. The machines have been relatively peaceful, and even orders from Bunker have slowed down a bit.
So 7B waits, as she always has done. She lays on her back and stares up, at the ashen sky.
”Once, the sky had been blue, a reflection of the oceans we no longer have. Our planet used to orbit around the sun. Day and night used to exist on Earth. We used to be able to see the stars.”
14S loves to share the knowledge she finds, 7B knows. Which 14S had it been that told her that, though? What had happened to that one? 7B doesn’t remember—no, they’re all starting to blur together. All her memories of 14S, all her warm smiles, all her deaths—
Even this 14S in front of her will soon become a faint memory.
Painful, she thinks.
Several days later, 14S finally finishes. 7B can see how proud she is of her handiwork, the way her whole self, usually reserved and withdrawn, is shining so brightly right now in the moment. Almost like her very own star, 7B wants to joke, but she knows 14S wouldn’t appreciate something like that. She looks down at the glasses, marveling at the creation.
“Put them on,” 7B urges, gesturing impatiently. She can see how excited 14S is, can hardly contain her own excitement. She even pulls down her own visor. 14S pretends to grumble at her before slipping the glasses on.
7B tilts her head. 14S tilts her head the opposite way. They blink at each other.
“... well?” 14S finally asks, a slight edge of impatience to her. 7B slowly smiles, laughing.
“I don’t know, but it looks nice. I’d think 14S looks good in everything.” She waves vaguely with her hand. “Do they do anything?”
“No, they don’t really do anything. It looks like the glass is usually tempered with to adjust and accommodate a humans’ individual eyesight.” 14S shakes her head, and she looks like she’s about to take them off, her hands touching the frames on the side. “Human innovation and ingenuity is… incredible.”
“They really are, aren’t they?” 7B smiles ruefully. “I mean, they’ve made us, right?”
“I—hm, yes. I suppose they did. They’re very resourceful.” 14S looks like she wants to speak more but shakes her head. An odd look comes over her face. “Strange that even now, on the moon, they don’t seem to come up with anything else…”
A feeling not unlike the twist of a sword cuts through 7B’s chest. This—this reasoning is—
Stop! Don’t go down there! Or else, I’ll have to—
I don’t want to do this again!
“Ah!”
7B nearly jumps at the sound of a thud in the air. The glasses on 14S’ face have fallen off, landing on 14S’ book in the sand. “Hm, I may need to adjust that for my face then,” 14S says rather factually as she bends down to pick them up. Instead of putting them back on, she holds it up in front of her, twisting it all around.
“Adjusting? You’re still going to wear those?” 7B thinks it’s a little strange; 14S has never really cared for things like vanity of that sort. At least, not in the way that 7B has remembered.
“Well…” and here, 14S huffs slightly, unable to meet 7B’s eyes. Ah, she’s embarrasses, 7B recognizes. It’s cute how 14S tends to get… pouty, when she’s embarrassed. “I may have taken a liking to them.”
“You look nice,” 7B says, a smile breaking out of her even in spite of herself. When 14S looks at her dubiously, 7B rushes to reassure her. “No, really! I like them. 14S always looks pretty, but you—I mean, ah, you look… nice, too.” 7B awkwardly scratches her cheek but she smiles.
“... thank you.” 14S still doesn’t look at her, still embarrassed. 7B thinks it’s cute. It’s something that remains constant throughout all her bodies, all her memories erasing. She likes it.
They sit in comfortable silence afterward. They’ve known each other long enough—no, 7B has known 14S long enough to know when she wants to sit with her own thoughts.
“Do you think the war will end soon?” 14S asks suddenly.
7B furrows her brow. “Soon? How soon? Next year? In ten years? Another one hundred years?”
“I… I don’t know.” 14S shakes her head. Her glasses move slightly. She frowns and pushes them back up. Already, 7B knows she’s seeing another one of 14S’ habits forming. The glasses don’t mean anything, and yet, 14S is already acting as if it’s another part of her clothing she’s worn for a long time. 7B almost smiles, but 14S continues talking.
“Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a combat android.” She looks down at her hands and then leans back and looks up at the sky. “I think… after the war, I'd like to be reprogrammed instead, into something different.”
“Really?” 7B can’t help but find herself incredulous. The possibility of the war ending… had never been a thought for her. How could she fault herself? Trapped a war that seems endless, forced to serve as both soldier and executioner, to her friends and comrades and 14S over and over and over and over—
7B realizes she’s forgotten what it’s like to look to the future.
“For the glory of mankind, but I think there are better ways to serve mankind than violence, don’t you think?” When 14S speaks, her voice is soft, like she’s afraid of what she’s talking about. 7B doesn’t blame her.
Most of her speculations and idle curiosity have led to her constant deaths, after all.
“What would you like to do, then?” 7B finds herself asking. She can’t possibly imagine what other possibilities they have out of their current life. What is it that she can do? Ah, but, since she is an android, perhaps she can be reprogrammed into another role. But, the thought of being reprogrammed just like that… would she still even be the same, then?
7B suddenly finds herself ill at ease with the idea. Thankfully, 14 doesn’t notice, too preoccupied with her thoughts on answering 7B’s question.
“I don’t know if you pay attention, but things have just become so… stale, drab. Almost empty.” 14S gestures with her arm all around them. 7B sees nothing but sand all around. Nothing but sand. All sand, nothing off in the horizon. “Humanity left for the moon, and all their ingenuity, their innovation, were also left here too. We’re made in their image, but as I find all the information about the Old World… there’s more to us than violence, isn’t there?”
14S shakes her head. Her glasses almost slip off. She quickly pushes it up. “I might just be malfunctioning, or there’s some defect in my programming, but…” She puts her arms around herself. 14S looks so weak, so vulnerable, so open. 7B has never seen her reveal so much of herself like this. She doesn’t know how to feel. But, she feels sad, because 14S looks torn, and tired.
“I just… I think I just want to do something different,” 14S whispers, and 7B feels something stirring inside of her. It’s painful. She’s sad, she wants to help 14S, but she doesn’t know how.
To do something different?
What other purpose do they have in life?
… when the war is over, what is their purpose, then? Will they have to find a new one?
Is there a possibility for them to live a life without the violence and bloodshed they’ve known? 14S deserves that, 7B thinks.
Not her—not someone who’s bloodied her hands with her comrades and friends.
Not someone who takes the life of 14S over and over again.
“Why do you yearn for them?” 7B blurts out before she realizes. She doesn’t think she understands. She, too, has this longing for them in her programming, but it sounds as if… 14S, in her endless pursuit to devour knowledge of the Old World, her eternal fascination with the humans… it sounds as if she wants… wants to… be…
“Even if I might never be able to see the humans… even if what I want might just be ridiculous… I think that’s what it means to live.” Her hands clench together. “I just want there to be more meaning to my life beyond this.”
… 7B shouldn’t be doing this. These thoughts are dangerous. 14S has had her mind wiped for less. This train of thought—no, this is dangerous. She needs to stop. 7B needs to stop.
No, she’s already fallen too far to stop.
But, in the end, it never changes.
It never changes.
It never changes—
But, just once, she wishes it did.
Just once—
Just once—
The sound of a transmission signal crackles through the air.
“Multiple black box signals have gone missing in the city,” comes the voice of their Operators, “please investigate.”
7B immediately leaps to her feet. 14S is slower to rise, unsteadily rising to her feet. She takes a moment to look up at the sky, gray and lonely, before she looks at 7B.
“Let’s go,” is all she says before they both speed off toward the city.
The bodies of their fellow androids littering the ground are all they need to see before they rush ahead even deeper into the city. A machine? No, they would already be updated.
Wait—
“... ah.” The transmission comes just as they come into sight of their enemy.
“T1,” 7B murmurs, her grip coming around both of her swords. 14S narrows her eyes.
“A rogue tactics model, meant to be a leader and boost morale," 14S starts to explain. "An earlier model, but she’s still dangerous, killing off several of our pursuit teams already.” 14S looks at 7B, worried. “Please be careful when engaging.”
Even if she shouldn’t, it still touches 7B that 14S can be so concerned for her.
T1 hasn’t said anything but she’s wary. Her eyes, a sharp purple contrast to the desolate environment, haven’t left them at all. Why now? Why here? Why has she come?
But, no matter who the android, 7B will play the executioner.
Both her and T1 rush at each other. Their swords clash evenly even with 7B’s double swords and T1’s giant broadsword that’s easily bigger than their own bodies.
T1 blocks 7B’s swords with her sword but 7B kicks out. T1 grunts as she’s pushed backward and quickly lunges off to the side. 7B’s swords slam against the ground, slightly cratering the spot where T1 had been.
This… is strange.
7B knows she can easily overpower T1, she knows this. And, surely, T1 knows this. And, yet, neither of them can seem to gain the upper hand. There’s something that flickers at the back of 7B’s mind, something that tells her she’s done this before. But that’s impossible; when has she ever fought T1?
The only thing she’s done over and over again is—
Yet, T1 moves as if she already knows her movements. That in itself is already strange. 7B knows her own fighting style is unconventional. That is, she hadn’t come up with dual wielding to easily deal with her own kind, but they’re always caught off guard all the same. It gives her the exact opening she needs to step in and finish things quickly.
This is strange. Why does she feel this way? Why does nothing about this seem right? She has far too many questions—
Why?
Why would you betray us?
Is there anything else worth fighting for?
Please, tell me—
T1 suddenly flinches, her eyes going wide before backing off, trying to put distance between them. 7B is surprised but she doesn’t question it, rushing forward with her swords—
“She resisted my hacking!” 14S shouts before she screams. That scream distracts 7B and she spins on her heels instead, already wanting to rush away
A mistake.
Why had she turned her back on an enemy? 7B doesn’t know why she’s done that, doesn’t know why she thought that was a good idea.
But the thought of 14S being in danger, of possibly being hurt, of possibly being killed—
She cannot allow that.
14S is kneeling on the ground, her face pulled from exertion. When she sees 7B’s face, her expression changes into horror.
7B whirls back around and brings both of her swords up to block the giant broadsword clearly aimed to cleave her in half. Dodging would have been better but—
T1 forces more of her strength into her weapon. 7B's arms tremble under the weight of the mighty weapon. Her knees start to buckle. The ground underneath her starts to give way. She can feel herself starting to slide backward.
This isn’t good. This deadlock shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but 7B is trapped here. She should be able to overpower T1, but impossibly, T1 seems to be gaining strength. 7B can feel her arms straining, just as she sees T1’s mouth slowly open into a snarl. It’s like she’s fighting some sort of animal releasing itself.
T1 shouts, a ferocious roar that makes 7B think of an animal about to leap. That’s when 7B feels it, the sudden shift in the air, the way she can hear T1’s body whirring even louder, like her parts are working in overdrive, screaming.
A monster? A beast? No—this is merely another android. Yet, 7B feels as if she's facing down the fury of a beast lashing out.
T1 slides her sword downward. 7B’s eyes widen as she’s thrown completely off balance, stumbling backward. T1 easily uses her giant sword to knock free one of 7B's swords right out of her hands. Even though the blade is spinning in the air, 7B feels as if time is stopped in this single moment, until her sword impales into the ground.
Ah—7B feels as if time has slowed down now instead, as she continues to stumble but sees the broadsword raised above her. She's going to die. She's going to die, right here, right now.
And yet, she can't help but think—
Will this be the first time she'll die before 14S?
That's fine.
This is what she deserves—
The shout is all the warning either of them have. T1 brings her sword down just as 14S screams—“7B!”— and leaps forward.
Her arm had reflexively thrown itself forward but it does little even as her own arm is sliced off. She still watches 14S crumples to the ground. Liquid flows out of her wound, the artificial blood pooling underneath her body.
Her glasses have fallen off. They’ve landed right in front of 7B. Her other hand trembles as she reaches out.
It hurts. There is a pain in her chest. It throbs, like an injury, but it hurts even more than her arm.
“No… no… no…”
And yet—
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
Why does she feel this way?
She looks up, into T1’s violet eyes. The loud whirring from before is gone, quieted down now. It doesn’t matter; there’s no other sound except for 7B’s labored breathing.
There’s a flicker of something in T1’s eyes—sympathy? T1 looks down, to where 14S lies motionless. She doesn’t even twitch. 14S is gone. She’s dead. 7B has seen it more than enough times to know when she is. 7B knows when 14S is dead. T1’s eyes flit back up to meet 7B’s.
“I understand,” T1 speaks, then, and an indescribable feeling wells up inside of 7B.
No! You don’t understand anything! You understand nothing—
You killed her!
Revenge, revenge, revenge—
Only she can die by my hand!
A snarl breaks out of 7B. Her hand reaches for her sword, lifts it up—and it falls to the ground as she sees it too, the flickers of pain, the vulnerability that pierces deep into 7B’s core, that say yes, T1understands.
“It will only be for a few seconds… but allow me to grant you peace.” T1 uses both her hands to grip her sword and raises it above her. The blood upon it drops onto the ground, splashing against the cement.
7B stares at her, stares at her for so long until finally, she can’t even muster the will to lift her head anymore. Her head hangs. Her neck is bared.
It hurts.
Why did 14S do that? Why did she try to save her? Why didn't she run away? Why did she run in like that? Why would she protect her?
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts so much
It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts why why WHY WHY
“How much longer do I have to do this?” 7B can barely recognize her own voice, so pitiful and broken.
That’s really what she is, isn’t it? All this power, all this strength, all this—
And yet, her very existence is so wretched. To live, only to kill her own. To live, only to wallow in such misery. To live, only to kill her beloved over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over—
Her soul is screaming—no, androids don’t have souls, they aren’t humans, they aren’t living—they are only weapons.
And, yet, why does it hurt so much? Why does it always hurt so much? She cannot rest, she cannot put down her swords, and, yet, she wants nothing more than to do that.
For the sake of mankind?
For the sake of humanity?
For the sake of…
For the sake of who?
If living can be so painful, then what even is the point—
“Why does it hurt so much?”
“Why does this always have to happen?”
“Why would she give her life for me?”
“For me?”
“For me—”
The last thing she hears is the crunch of glass.
…
...
…
…
She wakes.
…
…
…
…
…
…
...
Darkness.
The sound of scraping.
“Ah, are you awake? Oh, it looks like your visual cortexes aren’t working, let me help you with that.”
Someone’s hacking into her, going through her OS. She allows it. They say every hacker has their own signature, has their own way in that they hack, but no one’s ever proven that for certainty.
But, for her, there is only one android capable of this warmth—
Tired.
Yet, she is tired. So tired. So, so, so tired...
“There. Is everything good? Can you see me?”
She wants to keep her eyes closed, but she has no choice to open them here. Blearily, she opens them.
In front of her is her. There’s nothing familiar in her eyes, nothing warm, nothing, nothing, nothing at all—
The android stands up, looming over her. There’s a book in her hands.
“Ah, sorry. You were taking a while to wake up so I borrowed a book to read.”
But you’ve already read that one, 7B wants to tell her. You’ve already read everything. You’ve learned everything already, and I always—7B’s hands clench, as if aching for her swords.
It’s the same face, it’s the same hair, it’s the same voice, it’s the same everything, and yet—
“Command assigned me to be your partner today, 7B. I’m 14S.” There is nothing in her voice, and her face, her eyes—
Her glasses are gone.
Even so, the look within 14S’ eyes aren’t even dimmed at all. She’s still shining brilliantly, like a star. 7B longs to reach out for her, to hold her forever, to apologize over and over again for everything. If she thinks there is a purpose to her life, it would be to reach out, to grasp for her own star—
But 7B knows, stars cannot be held.
For her…
… it is...
… too… bright...