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After Riley, Sam thinks he can never love anyone as much.
He's in Brazil for a mission with Nat and Clint. He's only their back-up, and walks the streets when he can.
One hot day he sits down in the shadow of a tree in one of the parks in the city.
He sits there for a while - watches the people and wonders what their lives are like.
And then his thoughts drift to Riley - he can't really help it. He looks at the lake in front of him, where little kids are playing and screaming, and he thinks about how different his life would have been had Riley been alive.
The pattern is disrupted when a woman sits down next to him.
"I know that look," she says, and he faintly wonders why she's talking to him before she continues, "you lost someone very important."
Sam hums - who is he to lie?
The woman shifts and sighs.
"I always feel like they're watching us. Guarding us like angels, to make sure nothing happens to us."
Sam almost snorts at that. He doesn't believe that. So much shit has happened since Riley left his life - like running off with Captain fucking America to find his best friend who was brainwashed and had turned psycho, and then the worst of all; losing Steve's fiancee. She was an amazing woman.
But he understands that this belief can relieve the pain.
"I'm sure that they're out there somewhere," he answers, and he sees the corner of her mouth quirk up.
"I'm Y/N, by the way," she says then offhandedly, as if it hadn't occurred to her to introduce herself.
She looks his way, and he turns his head to take a good look at her. She's fairly pretty, but not too much - which he doesn't mean in a bad way. Her eyes are hidden behind her sunglasses, but he can see the faint blue underneath the dark glasses. She smiles.
"Sam Wilson," he says. "Veteran."
She breaks the silence after a few minutes.
"So... why did you come to Brazil?"
They meet up a few times in the park. She runs too, and joins him on one of his runs.
She introduces him to a few of her favourite routes, and they laugh together and Sam thinks that he hasn't had this much fun since he's left the Compound.
They've been travelling South-America for months now, Nat and Clint searching for their target, and it seems their target has settled down now. He hopes they can stay for a while.
Y/N is a nice girl.
She takes him out for coffee, tells him about the special treats and shows him the nicest spots to watch the city.
They don't talk about their losses, though. She doesn't ask him about his and he doesn't ask her about hers.
Its simple, really.
One day, he's at one of the local churches - Y/N convinced him to go, to at least try. It doesn't matter much what happens afterwards, but you can at least try.
He leaves the church with a pleasant feeling in his stomach, and he actually feels a lot better. He doesn't necessarily believe in God - he's lost his faith a long time ago, in a desert, next to the body of his best friend - but praying and asking to make sure Riley will be okay does make him feel better.
If he had her number, he would call her right now.
He passes a few alleyways, and then all of a sudden a woman stumbles out of one. She swears under her breath, and then stretches her back and looks up into the sky.
He calls her name, and she looks his way.
She smiles softly and waves at him.
They go for a sandwich, and walk through the city while eating in silence.
"Thanks for recommending the church for me," he tells her eventually. "It helped."
She smiles at him - and its a genuine, warm smile that warms him inside. "That's good," she tells him.
She receives a call a few minutes later, and excuses herself. He promises to wait for her.
She takes too long, and he starts walking around to see if he can find her - she can't be too far, right?
"...should not be doing shit with this guy, Y/N!" "You don't have any say in this matter-" "It's dangerous! He's a fucking superhero, out there saving people's asses! We aren't! So shut your trap and go back home, because I swear, if you tell him shit, I will-" "Shut it." Another voice sounds, and Sam presses himself against the stone wall, because its a voice that sounds dangerous.
What has Y/N gotten herself into?
"I'm not telling him anything," Y/N responds, completely calm. "He's nice. I quite like him. He's better than you'll ever be."
"Don't you dare-" one of the voices starts yelling stuff in Portugese that Sam doesn't understand, and then Y/N walks out of the alley. She looks around, and her eyes fall on him.
She looks displeased - he stumbles over his words to apologise.
"How much of that did you catch?"
"Only that you're not supposed to talk to me." He scratches the back of his neck and almost misses the sigh of relief she releases.
"Alright. Come on. There's still somewhere we haven't been."
Eventually, she tells him.
"Manny is my boyfriend- or well, my ex-boyfriend." She rubs her face and pulls her knees up.
"After..." she swallows, "after someone died, he lost it a bit. He loves me very much, I know that, but he's become way too possessive. The others that stand under his command don't like me at all - I never wanted to be a part of whatever the shit is they're doing. Manny respected that. He always kept me on the sideline - pregnant women always stay there." It slips past her lips, but she keeps on talking and Sam doesn't bring it up.
"But now he wants me to get more involved. Its my duty. I know I should - I don't really have a choice." She sighs. "It doesn't matter. If you get in you never get out. I was young and I made the wrong choice."
"You can still right your wrongs," Sam tells her softly. "You could tell the police here."
She immediately shakes her head and looks up at him. "No matter what happens, I will never betray my family. Manny is the only one I have left."
He gets it. She doesn't have anything left and clings to the last part of her past. He's seen it before.
She shakes her head again and smiles.
"Are you up for ice-cream?"
They don't talk about it anymore.
Clint and Nat take off to find their guy, and Sam goes with them. He tells Y/N he'll be gone for a while, and she only smiles and asks him to be careful.
When he's back in his apartment and has treated his wounds, someone pounds on the door.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sam yells, and he walks up to the door. Underway, he takes out one of his guns, and he opens the door, carefully peering around it.
In front of him is a sobbing Y/N. She runs into the apartment and he quickly locks the door.
On the couch she tells him that Manny died.
And he understands - he sees the fear in her eyes, and he knows that she'll get killed.
He doesn't know why, but they end up in each others arms on the couch afterwards, and they order Chinese.
He promises her he'll protect her.
They go to the funeral and she holds his hand.
He notices the men in the back of the church, with their hands on their hips. They don't try anything as long as he's with her.
He guides her out and into the car he's rented, and he takes her with him because he knows her own place isn't safe anymore.
She cries.
A lot.
He leaves her alone most of the time.
There's too much she's lost, and he knows she needs time.
He's surprised when she gets out of her room on the third day after the funeral.
She looks alright, despite the circles under her eyes.
He gives her the pancakes he baked for himself, and hears himself asking how she slept.
"Okay," she says, shrugging, and she takes the pancakes to the living room.
She watches tv while eating breakfast, and he stays in the kitchen, contemplating if he should call Nat to tell her about the situation, or if he should try to this himself. The more people get involved, the more dangerous it gets.
He goes shopping with her, and she smiles softly when he tells her that green looks formidable on her, and she tries a beautiful yellow dress that he buys for her when she's not looking.
He gives it to her later, after their simple dinner.
She looks at the present with big eyes.
"You bought this for me?" She asks, and he can already see the tears in her eyes.
He nods with a smile. "Just for you."
She unwraps it, and reveals the dress.
She squeals and jumps up from her chair. She leaves the dress on the couch and wraps her arms around him, and kisses his cheek a dozen times.
"Thank you, thank you!" She yells, and she falls back into Portugese, exclaiming how happy she is.
He doesn't know why, but he kisses her after that. Its soft and plaint, unsure and asking for more.
She responds passionately, and he carries her to the bedroom.
Afterwards, they lay tangled in each other, and he pulls his hand through her hair.
She has her head on his chest.
Its dark outside already, but its still warm.
"Tell me about Riley," she whispers.
And in the dark, only seen by the stars, he does.
She tells him her own story days later.
She tells him about the baby she lost, and the family she lost during an attack of another gang on their own, and how Manny and she were left with only the older men who were not too keen on following Manny after such a loss.
And she cries, again, and he embraces her and whispers comforting, soothing words in her ear, because he knows she needs it and he's willing to provide anything for her.
"I'm scared," she admits one night, after one of his nightmares as they sit on the floor in the living room with tea.
He frowns, and looks at her questioningly.
She sighs and looks at her lap.
"When you leave.... they're going to come after me-" she stops herself there, but he knows what was going to follow. They're going to kill her. Or rape her. He doesn't know which one is worse.
"Come with me," he blurts out, and she almost drops her mug.
"What?"
"Come with me," he repeats, a bit unsure, "to the States. I'll get you a passport, and I'll ask Fury to make sure everything will be handled. Tony can pay for anything you need, and I'll give you the protection you need."
She tears up at that, and then she cries, and she tells him she doesn't know how she deserves him.
He smiles as he comforts her, because there's finally something in his future he can look forward to without any fear.
She comes with him.
Its a long trip, with a lot of tension.
Fury sends a few of his own S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to pick them up and provide them safety.
Sam doesn't know how to express his gratitude.
As much as Fury pretends he doesn't care, he does a damn lot for a girl he's never met.
Y/N is still scared. She's nervous. He can see it in her stance, and the way her hands tremble when they're in the airplane.
He grabs her hand and squeezes it, and she keeps her eyes on the screen in front of her.
They don't have any problems.
Nat and Clint get on the next plane after them, and they report that there are no suspicious people on the plane.
Y/N breathes out the moment they land in the States, and he holds her hand when they walk out of the plane and get in the car Fury has sent to get them.
They stay in the Compound for a few weeks, while S.H.I.E.L.D. gets Y/N an apartment close to the Compound so that she has someone to go to when anything goes wrong.
So far there are no reports of her former gang-members travelling to the States, but Sam doesn't want to take any risks. He asks her if she has anything to say about them, if she knows anything that will expose them, but she refuses to talk.
"They were my family, Sam," she holds on, "and I can't betray them. I just can't."
He lets it go (he tries, at least) and he moves back into his own apartment, which isn't that far from hers.
He wonders if Fury had something to do with that.
She's happy. She comes over to his house a lot, and they go for walks and he introduces her to everything in New York City that he knows.
One day, Natasha comes over too, to show her a few of her own spots. Sam doesn't join them, but when the women return, they're both laughing.
He hasn't seen Natasha laugh that much in the years he's spent in the Compound.
A few months pass, and Sam finds himself in the Compound again, with Bucky and Clint. Natasha and Wanda have taken Y/N shopping, and Sam promises to wait for her.
"So," Clint says, "how're things going between you and Y/N?"
Sam purses his lips. "What do you mean exactly?"
"Well, apart from the fact that she has transported almost all her stuff into your apartment-" Bucky snorts, "how are things between you? Are you ready to admit you're in love with her?"
Sam eyes go wide. "In love?" He repeats, and then Clints grin falls. "What?" He asks. "You didn't know- oh shit, Bucky, he didn't know-" Sam frowns as Clint tries to look apologetic. "Come on Sam," Bucky says, never taking his eyes off his newspaper, "everyone sees the way you look at her. Its like she's an angel or something. And she looks the same way at you."
Sam blinks, a bit dazed. They're saying that he and Y/N are in love with each other...
Can that be true? Has he been such an oblivious moron that he hasn't seen anything?
He gets up from the couch and hurries out of the living room.
"Shit man," Clint says, "did we chase him away?"
"Nah," Bucky says with a smile, "he'll be alright. He just needs to think... I think."
Sam does think. Y/N comes back from her trip and he congratulates her with what she bought, and she kisses him on the cheek, and he remembers the nights they spent in the same bed in Brazil, and how can that be any different from now?
And he comes home, and he notices Y/N's favourite shoes standing in the hallway, and one of her sweater lays on the couch in his living room. Her favourite fruit stands in the kitchen, and her toothbrush stands in his bathroom.
Slowly, he comes to the realization that she lives with him again. They don't spend the night together, but she spends more days here than she does in her own apartment.
And he's become used to the smell of her cooking that wakes him up and her sweet voice that sings Portugese songs in the shower.
Is he in love with her?
Tony organizes a gala for Christmas, where the Avengers are obligated to be.
Sam doesn't know what exactly Y/N is wearing, but he knows her favourite colour is yellow, and so with help of Steve, he chooses an oker yellow tie to go with his tuxedo.
Everyone is already there when Y/N arrives, trailing behind Natasha, who chose a tight red dress with a high slit.
Sam doesn't know what he sees when she stops in front of him. Bucky snorts. "They're so in love that they're even wearing the same colour." Tony slaps him on the back of his head and reprimands him.
Sam can't take his eyes off her.
She looks so beautiful he can't even believe its her.
Y/N smiles nervously. "Its the dress you bought me," she says, and she twirls.
"Ye-yeah," Sam stutters, his eyes trailing over her figure. "You look gorgeous."
She blushes slightly. "Thank you. You don't look wrong yourself."
They don't speak for a while, until Tony walks up to them.
"Y/N, Sam, you guys will need to open the dance. Good luck!" He pushes them forward. Sam almost stumbles, but holds himself upright at the last minute, and Y/N giggles.
He extends his hand. "My fair lady, can I have this dance?" She blushes and puts her hand in his, and he pulls her to the dance floor.
The dance goes well.
Well, if Sam ignores the heat creeping up in his neck and the fact that she looks so beautiful under the soft light, looking up at him from under her eyelashes that cast shadows on her cheeks. He swallows.
Luckily he gets saved by Bucky, who taps him on the shoulder.
"I'll have a dance with the lovely lady now," he jokes, and Sam smiles. "She's all yours mate."
He doesn't know if he imagined it, but he thinks he sees a flicker of hurt on her face, before it disappears behind a bright smile.
He also doesn't know why his stomach clenches when she laughs with Bucky and he puts his arm around her. He doesn't know why it makes him so... jealous?
She shows up on his doorstep two days after, in a legging and a big sweater that he's ninety percent sure is his.
She's wearing a smile and holding a bucket of ice-cream.
"Movie night," she says, holding the bucket up. Sam nods and quickly lets her in.
How can she look so beautiful like this?
They sit on the couch together, close together, watching the screen intently.
"I do love Captain Kirk's character more in the older movies," Y/N says after a while. Sam looks her way, and he almost forgets to breathe when he notices their faces are impossibly close. She only smiles.
He nods, unable to speak, and then turns to watch the screen again.
They clean up the bowls when the news is on, and Sam is in the other room when he hears a bowl clatter to pieces on the ground.
He rushes to the kitchen, where Y/N stands frozen, with the shards by her feet. There is blood dripping on the ground.
Sam takes her away, and tries to figure out where the blood is coming from.
"Police forces in Brazil have finally found the last remains of the gang formerly lead by notorious Manuel Russo, a wanted criminal who has already found his deathbed. They are trying to search for the culprits of the fire. According to their sources, more than a hundred people died there, including innocent children and women--" he shuts of the television off with one of the special remotes Tony made for him.
Its her hand. There is a shallow and clean cut that is bleeding heavily. He bandages it quickly, and then he presses her on his bed to clean up the pieces of the bowl.
When he returns with a smile, she's still on his bed.
"What happened?" He asks. "Are you okay?"
After a beat of silence, she turns her head to him. There are tears in her eyes.
"They said-" she chokes on a sob, and buries her head in her hands. "I know," Sam whispers, and he pulls her close. "I know."
She falls asleep on his bed, with her head burrowed into one of his pillows. He lays beside her all night, and doesn't sleep.
He is in love with her. He understands now.
They can do this. Together.
And they'll figure it all out.
Tomorrow.
For now, he lets her rest and he'll give her all the love she needs.