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One week. That’s how long he had felt completely numb. Or had it been two? At this point every day had melted and merged into one. He had completely lost track of time since his life had come crashing to a halt. He was pretty sure he had shifted to auto pilot at this point.
His agency had forced him to take some time off after the job that had killed his partner. His best friend. His husband. The man who had borne their twins, Asahi and Himari.
The man he had loved since first year of high school had been killed. The Unbreakable Hero has been killed. What was he supposed to do now? He was alone. How was he supposed to do this alone?
It was the day of Eijiro’s funeral and as he got dressed in his button up shirt and dress pants he debated over what tie to wear. Should he wear the soft gray one that had been a gift from his parents the year before at Christmas? Or should he wear the bright red one that will forever remind him of his now dead husband's eyes? He knew Eiji would never care about that kinda thing, but Katsuki wanted to look good for the redhead. It would be the last time he ever saw the man’s face before he was buried. He needed to look good for the man.
“Papa?” A small sniffle and tug at his pant leg brought him out of his thoughts.
Looking down, he saw the oldest of their twins, Asahi. Fuck their son looked so much like Eijiro. Just looking down at him broke his already shattered heart into even tinier pieces. Fuck, how am I going to do this alone? I’m not meant to do this without you Eiji. he thought to himself as he knelt down, fighting back the tears that so desperately wanted to escape.
“Did I do it right?” The small five year old asked as he held the tie up while looking at him with bloodshot, tear filled eyes.
Katsuki can see the determination behind the sadness in his son's eyes. He wants to look his best for his daddy. He had done a pretty decent job of tying his tie, but it was a little crooked. While Katsuki fixed the tie for Asahi, Katsuki noticed he had already combed out his long black hair. It was something the little boy hated doing. He must have had his sister, Himari, to do it for him.
“You did really good Asahi.” He said with as much of a smile as he could muster in the moment. “Just a little off, but it’s good now.”
A slow nod was the only response he got from that. The little boy was a lot more subdued than he ever was and it killed something in Katsuki to see. Normally their son was as bright and happy and energetic as Eijiro was. He knew logically speaking, that it wouldn’t always be this hard, that it would get better. He really wished he knew when.
“Papa?” Another sniffle brought him out of his thoughts to see Himari standing in the doorway to his bedroom.
“What is it, baby?” He asked motioning her over.
“Does this look okay?” She asked him motioning to her dress they had bought her for her birthday a few months before. She’d brushed out her blonde hair and had put bright red bows on either side of her head. One looked like it was about to fall out so he reached over and fixed it for her.
“You look amazing, Himari.” He said and pulled them into his arms for a tight hug. “You both look great.”
It was getting close to the time they were meant to leave for the funeral home and he knew that none of them were ready to say goodbye. Katsuki has been lucky to know the man for half his life, it had been at least fifteen years they’d known each other. That wasn’t long enough. Not nearly long enough for the blonde. He wanted to grow old with Kirishima, watch their babies grow up together, they were supposed to get a kitten and a puppy for the twins this year, they’d already agreed on it. They weren’t supposed to be ripped apart like this at thirty!
He held onto the twins a little tighter for a minute. He needed these two if he was to have any chance of surviving this. They were just pulling back from the hug when the doorbell to their apartment went off. Looks like it was time to go.
“Go get your shoes on okay?” He said barely keeping his voice steady as he looked at their tear stained faces.
“Okay Papa.” They chorused softly before heading to their bedroom to grab their shoes.
Katsuki stood up and headed for the door. Opening it, he came face to face with Sero. Apparently he had lost the game to decide who picked them up today. Moving to the side, Katsuki let the other hero into the apartment silently.
“Just gimme a minute and I’ll make sure the rugrats are ready.” He said closing the door behind the man.
“Take your time.” Sero said staying in the entrance. He stood there with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed. He and Eijiro had been friends since day one of UA. It was as if he couldn’t bring himself to look at the apartment that held so much of the red headed hero.
The scent of the cologne he wore permeated the air, the dent in the wall from two years ago after he’d fallen and hardened his head so he didn’t hurt himself was still beside the shoe rack, his fall jacket was still hanging on the hook by the door.
And worst of all, what made it so hard for all of them, were the pictures that had been hung by the couple in the hallway. His presence was everywhere and being so soon after he’d been killed by the villain… it was agony seeing his smiling face in the pictures.
Katsuki gave a grunt and headed to the kids room to get them going. When he walked in, he was met with the sight of Asahi holding onto Himari while they both cried.
“Uncle Hanta’s here.” The blonde said and if his voice cracked a little he wouldn’t even be able to deny it. “It’s time to go.”
The twins pulled apart and looked up at him and he almost broke seeing the sadness in their eyes. How was he going to do this? How was he going to keep it together for them?
“Papa, we don’t wanna.” Himari said between sobs and hiccups.
“I know, baby.” Katsuki said kneeling in front of them. “Papa doesn’t want to either. But we have to go. We have to say goodbye to Daddy.”
He reached his hands out and gently wiped at their tears. He brought them in for a hug knowing it made them all feel a little bit more secure than they had moments before.
When they had finally walked out of the bedroom, Sero was hanging up his phone. “Mina was just checking to see if I got here okay.” He said when Katsuki looked at him curiously.
He nodded and went to the door grabbing the two small fall jackets hanging there and held them out one at a time helping the twins put them on. He stopped short when he reached for his own. He debated for a second if he should grab Eijiro’s this time. Wear it one last time while his scent was still all over it.
The mix of how the redhead smelled normally with his cologne had always had a way of calming Katsuki down and he wondered if it would help this time. He figured it was worth a shot and grabbed the larger gaudier looking coat from the hook beside his own.
Thankfully the drive to the funeral home was a good twenty minute drive away from the apartment. Katsuki wasn’t sure he was mentally prepared to handle seeing the casket that now held his husband's dead body. He had spent the last two weeks since he had died feeling numb. But now that feeling was slowly going away and the full force of the pain and anguish was hitting.
He could feel his hands shaking as thoughts raced through his mind about what he was gonna do now. How was he going to manage the hero agency on his own while raising the twins; how was he going to keep strong for his children; how was he going to keep people's noses out of things; how was he to survive without his other half?
Before he knew it though, they were pulling into the parking lot of the funeral home and parking beside Kaminari and TetsuTetsu’s car. As they all got out of their respective cars, Katsuki noticed that the silver haired man looked terrible.
He looked like he hadn’t shaved in the two weeks since Eijiro died, his hair had barely been brushed into submission and his eyes on closer inspection were bloodshot from crying. The yellow eyed man beside him didn’t look much better. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks or stopped crying in just as long.
The second Katsuki closed Sero and Mina’s car door, the small electric hero launched himself at Katsuki. Had it been any other day, the blonde would have set off an explosion in his face. But today wasn’t any other day. He was positive that normal days wouldn’t be forthcoming any time soon and he hated that fact.
“Bakugo I…” Kaminari said with a shaky voice.
“Don’t.” Katsuki said, but he put his arms around the blonde anyways. They all needed comfort and even though he had never been one to provide it to anyone outside of his children and Eijiro, he knew no one would make fun of him for doing it now. “Not today.”
He heard Kaminari clear his throat before pulling away with a nod. He gave a nod to TetsuTetsu. He didn’t know what to say to the silver man. He and Eijiro had been as close as any of them over the years since they went up against one another first year during the sports festival.
Katsuki felt the twins cling to his legs as they saw Mina walking out of the funeral home doors.
“Could…” Katsuki started to say but stopped himself to clear his throat as the pink hero stopped beside Sero. “Could you guys watch Asahi and Himari while… while I go in alone? I wanna say goodbye on my own first.”
“Of course. Well stay out here while you do.” Mina said and took hold of Himari’s hand when she reached for it. TetsuTetsu took Asahi’s.
Katsuki took his time making his way to the funeral home entrance . He didn’t want to put this off any longer than he really had to. But he wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t know how he was supposed to live without his stupid idiot of a loveable husband.
They weren’t supposed to have this happen to them. They were the perfect pro hero team. No villain had ever gotten away from them. They had been together for fourteen years. They were supposed to have so many more years together.
Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the door that would lead to Eijiro’s casket. He set his hand on the doorknob and after a minute, turned it and walked in.
He closed the door behind him, not wanting his goodbyes to his soulmate to be seen by anyone. He looked up the aisle at the front of the room where the red mahogany casket lay in the centre. The lid was opened and Katsuki made a note to close it before the twins came in. He didn’t want them seeing their Daddy like this. He didn’t even want to see him like this.
He took a few deeps breaths to calm his nerves enough to allow him to start walking down the aisle. The closer he got though, the harder it felt to breathe.
His breath was rattling in his chest and coming out uneven. His palms were sweating more than they usually did and he could feel his heart clenching in his chest the closer to Eijiro’s casket he got.
Standing a couple of feet away from the casket, Katsuki could see Eijiro’s still body. He looked like he was sleeping, and not actually dead. Fuck how he wished that was actually the case.
Taking the couple steps that were left, he hesitated putting his hand on the part of the coffin that was open. It would make it all that much more real. He didn’t want that. He wanted the man to sit up and say he was fine. That he feels perfectly fine.
Finally settling his hand on the coffin’s lid, Katsuki ignored the shake in his hands. He could feel the control he had over his emotions slipping away the longer he looked at his husband. His whole body was shaking.
“Why Eiji?” He said quietly at first as he felt tears burning his eyes. “Why did you have to leave me? Leave our kids? Our friends? We need you. You make everything shitty in this world fall to the side by just being here.” He wrapped his arms around his middle as he kept looking down into the coffin.
“How am I supposed to do this without you? You were everything I could never be! You shouldn’t have ran in front of me and taken that hit! You were already at your limit of what your quirk could handle! I was fine! I could have stopped that attack! Why did you have to jump in the way to save me again?!” He said as the tears finally won their battle with his resolve and started streaming down his face.
“Damnit Eiji! I can’t do this without you here with me! Standing beside me! We were supposed to grow old together! You and me! We were meant to adopt that cat and dog for the twins this summer!”
His whole body felt weak, like his legs couldn’t hold him up any longer, his arms had no strength, his neck could barely keep his head upright. His head was starting to pound from a headache that at this rate would turn into a migraine fairly quickly.
“Eijiro please. I need you to come back to me!” He sobbed as he fell to his knees in front of the coffin. “I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME YOU ASSHOLE! I’M NOT READY TO LET YOU GO! I'LL NEVER BE READY FOR THAT! SO YOU GET YOUR LAZY ASS UP AND HELP ME MAKE OUR BABIES SMILE AGAIN!”
He could hear knocking at the doors but ignored it. He couldn’t face anyone right now. He needed a bit more time.
“WE NEED YOU HERE EIJI! TO SEE THEM GROW UP! GO TO U.A. LIKE WE DID! MEET THEIR FIRST BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND AND GIVE THE KID HELL TOGETHER! TO WATCH THEM EVENTUALLY GET MARRIED! HOLD THEIR CHILDREN IN OUR ARMS!” He kept yelling. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, he needed to get it out.
“DAMNIT SHITTY HAIR THIS WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY NEEDS YOU! PIKACHU, SOY SAUCE, PINKY AND FUCKING IRON FOR BRAINS! NONE OF US CAN DO THIS WITHOUT YOU! SO PLEASE!” His stopped for a minute to catch his breath, he was breathing too hard. His breaths coming out in harsh puffs of air.
“No!” He heard from the other side of the doors before they were forced open and his kids came in running down the little aisle right for him. “Papa needs us!”
The sight of the twins running at him full speed was enough to make the crying that much worse. The tears fell faster, his breath became more ragged and his head pounded even more. Still, he held his arms open for the five year olds and barely kept his balance as they crashed into him.
They were both sobbing as hard as he was while clinging to him with as much strength as their bodies held. And for two five year olds who’s quirks had yet to manifest, was pretty strong. That’s my babies. his mind provided.
After a few minutes of them all crying, Himari pulled back from the hug to look up at the casket and in the smallest, most pleading voice he had ever heard her use, said the one thing that broke the explosive hero’s heart even more.
“Please come back to us Daddy. Papa needs you.”