Work Text:
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Ella stared at the line-up of pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter in front of her. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. How in the seven hells did that happen?! Fuck. She knew how, of course. All it took was one time, one missed pill and a whole lot of coincidence. An accident. Fuck. Of all the accidents she could have possibly had over the years, this is the one that happened. Fuck.
She sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, put her head in her hands, concentrated on breathing. She had to tell him. Breathe. He’d freak out. Luke would go ballistic. They’d think she did it on purpose. He’d never talk to her again. They were getting along so well, actually getting to know each other beyond that initial… click? Was that what it was? A feeling. And now it’s all going to be ruined because they couldn’t fucking put on a condom. Because her phone was off on her flight to London, the alarm didn’t ring and she’d skipped a pill. One little pill. Breathe.
She dialed a number, listened to the song playing on the other side, held her breath to see if there would be a reply.
“Hey!” from the other side of the line, Sasha, her best friend since as far back as she could remember, sounded distracted and harassed. She must’ve been at work.
“Fuck.” Ella announced.
“Ma kara? What happened?”
“You know how the pill is only 99% effective?”
A pause, “No way.”
“Yes way. I’m looking at five pregnancy tests and they’re all saying the same thing. Is there any way this could be a fluke?” Sasha was a nurse, if there was a way this could be a fluke, she’d know.
“Five tests?”
“Yup.”
“Don’t think so. What? Who? When? How?”
“How!?”
“I know how, obviously.” She rolled her eyes. Ella didn’t need to see it to know it happened.
“Tom.” Sasha was the only one she’d told the full story, providing not only Tom’s name but his last name as well. Showing the few photos she’d snapped during their week together. To everyone else, Tom was the nice guy who helped her out that one time, who she met up with again during her last trip. “We skipped a condom once. ONCE.”
“That’s all it takes.”
“Fuck. Sash what am I gonna do?”
“Well you’ve only got two options.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I have to tell him,” she rubbed her eyes. A headache was forming. No doubt a result of all her worry and the prospect of having to talk to Tom about this.
“That depends on what you do,” Sasha said.
“I have to tell him,” Ella repeated with a sigh.
There was some talking in the background and Sasha said, “You have to tell him. Shit. I’m sorry I gotta go. Congratulations I guess?”
“I guess. Call me later.”
It was easier to think after she’d told Sasha. Not that there was much to think about. She put away all the tests into a plastic bag, shoved them deep into the bin. Washed her hands. She checked the time, converted to Toronto time. Sent a text message: call me when you can, and made sure the Skype on her phone was online. It was a far more practical solution than international calls, and worked just as well.
There was a pile of dishes in the sink and Ella took on the mission of tackling it, one item at a time. Twenty minutes later, the dishes were washed, the sink was clean and she was hungry. Foregoing the effort of actually preparing something, she poured cereal into a bowl and added milk, taking the food to her table, setting up for a meal in front of her laptop with the latest Grey’s Anatomy episode. All the while, her head was throbbing in a dull, persistent manner.
Halfway through the episode, she’d forgotten. Shit was going down and she was sitting on the edge of her seat, grasping the spoon in her hand, wishing she could throttle them all into common sense. Especially Christina and Owen. Those two were driving her crazy.
Her phone rang. Fuck. She paused the show, picked up and tapped to answer.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hey,” there was noise on the other side of the line. A bustle of activity. Shit. “Is everything okay?”
“No,” she took a breath, “Are you with people?”
“Yes, hold on.” She could hear the noise level drop gradually, then after a moment completely. “What’s wrong?”
“Please don’t freak out.”
A pause, “That’s not a good way to start, Ella. What’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
“I’m pregnant. I forgot one pill and we didn’t use a condom and I swear I didn’t plan this and it’s not some twisted plan to trap you, I’m just calling because I think you should know not because I want anything and I don’t know what to do and I’m sorry.” Ella took a breath, tried to calm down. Blinked back the tears. From the other end of the line – silence. Fuck. She knew it.
She waited, the silence stretching, stretching. She could hear him breathe on the other end of the line. “Say something.”
“Fuck,” came quietly from the other end.
“I’ve been saying that all day,” she almost laughed. Almost. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“Fuck,” again. And then, cautiously: “Are you going to…?”
“I’m keeping it,” Ella thought she heard him sigh on the other hand. Was that relief? There was no way to know. Not without seeing his face, his eyes. “That’s why I called. Because you should know.”
“Okay,” Tom said. “I know,” another pause, another silence. “I have to go back to filming.”
“Okay,” she was also relieved. Now he knew. That was step one. “Wait, before you go-“
“What?” now he knew, and he wasn’t happy. Of course he wouldn’t be. She wasn’t happy either, how could she expect anyone else to be?
“You can’t tell anyone. Not until twelve-weeks.” She explained without waiting for his question: “It’s bad luck. And we’ll do a paternity test if you want. I’m sure Luke will insist on it.”
“No doubt. I’ve got to go.”
“Sure. Bye. I’m so sorry.”
“Bye.”
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She went straight to bed, curled up with her arms around her pillow and cried. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. She wasn’t meant to have an accidental baby. She wasn’t meant to have it now, when they were just getting to know each other properly. There was never a good time for accidents, but now was the absolute worst time. Her mom was still working, she wouldn’t be able to help take care of it during the day. Everything she’d earned would go towards daycare and diapers. No more vacations abroad whenever she could get the time off. No more Leon gigs. No more sushi for the foreseeable future. She cried harder.
Sasha called, pulling her out of her hysterics. They talked for an hour about everything other than the elephant in the room. Eventually they talked about that, too. It was somehow simple with Sasha. They talked about the alien that’s going to grow inside her body and shove all the organs aside. “Are you sure there’s no way to just… teleport it out?” Ella had asked at some point. Sasha’s sudden burst of laughter at the question was contagious, and they were laughing, trying to speak through it and just laughing harder.
Her mother was the easiest person to tell. She just shrugged it off, saying “We’ll sort it out.” It didn’t come as a surprise. Her mother was a firm believer in all things happening for a reason, and she’d long since wanted a baby in the house.
Ella checked her phone almost obsessively for the following two days, but there was no message, no missed phone calls. Damn it. Damn him. Damn her. Damn that thing in her uterus that ruined everything. Damn it all to hell.